Sugar Coated Cereal

This clip is funny as Hell. However, in my weird mind, the kid being filmed isn't the funniest part of the video. He is already an accomplished attention whore. If you want to go for the more subtle, smart laugh - look at the boy in the red shirt standing right next to Damien. It's little Niles Crane! Dude is so afraid of the little boy on crack that he just stands there...petrified. What do you think is going on inside of little Niles' head? I am fascinated by the possibilities.

A. Huh Huh. Huh Huh. That Jimmy sure is funny.

B. Jesus Christ you psycho, calm the F down.

C. They're laughing at me. They're laughing at me. I will someday get even with alllll of them.

He is in a total trance. These little dudes are probably three and we already know which one will be a banker and which one will be an idiot savant genius entrepreneur.

Don't Drink That!

Thanks to Mis for sending this video along. I used to travel for business and I always wondered about those glasses. Egad! Well, if you're the type of business man who likes his escorts, if you happen to catch the Herpes from one - rest assured knowing that you can now blame this, as the one health inspector listed it as something you could get from this.

Define Dynasty, I Dare You

I read an interesting fact this weekend. It was putting the Patriots Super Bowl success in perspective over the past 7 years. If they win this week, they will have won 4 Super Bowls in 7 years. The 70's Steelers of course won 4 in 6 years. One was a true Dynasty, one.....not so much. The Steelers over the course of their run had 22 players win 4 rings each. Nine of those 22 players were elected to the Hall of Fame. Eleven if you count the owner and head coach. I decided to look up the Patriots. Tom Brady, Troy Brown, Teddy Bruschi, Kevin Faulk, Larry Izzo, Matt Light, Lonie Paxton, Richard Seymour & Mike Vrabel are the names. Six of them started the game in 2001. Five of them will start this year. So, of the core players on the teams, they have 5 that overlap. Five. F-I-V-E. The uniform might be a dynasty, the team name and management might be a dynasty....the players? Not so much. How many Pro Bowls did that group attend? You don't necessarily call nine players and 36 rotating lockers a dynasty - that's all I'm saying. I need to say something this week to make myself feel better (and get under Chrissy Twocoats skin a little). To contrast that with Pittsburgh, 12 players of the 22 started both SB 9 and SB 13. I wouldn't even want to begin to count the Pro Bowls that the 22 players with 4 rings rang up. Here are 3 players that are included in the 22 that DID NOT start both games - Lynn Swann, John Stallworth and Mike Webster. Between the trio there are 14 Pro Bowls and they didn't even start in the first Steeler Super Bowl. I'll stop there as it's useless really to try to make my point as we will hear "Dynasty" for the next week nonstop, but you heard it here first...a Dynasty should be defined as "by the same players", not as "by the same team". Hrumph! I wish I had time to add up the Pro Bowls of all 22 players. Nine? And who the Hell is Lonie Paxton?

Sex Sells

This ad has been appearing alongside my Yahoo Mail client every day now for the past two weeks. While I'm not complaining, I would like to hear YourGiftPro.com's reasoning for using this type of ad. Is it because the machine is "amazingly thin" as well? Hot chicks now sell Macs? Well, it's not Apple's ad, but I wonder what they think over there when they see it? She's not at a desk, she seems to be squatting over a stool or something. I'm confused. I'm stupid. I need someone to point this out to me. Unless you read the small print at the bottom, you would almost think it's an Apple ad. Who in their right mind thinks they are getting that notebook for free? Advertisers suck.

Dan Rooney's Book

I finished reading Dan Rooney, My 75 Years With The Pittsburgh Steelers and The NFL last night. I have to admit that I enjoyed the first part of the book much more than the last. The beginning of the book told more stories of Dan and his brothers growing up under the tutelage of The Chief. It seemed like once Dan started working for the Steelers in a business capacity, the stories weren't as enlightening and they just followed a basic "..and then I" or "...and then he" approach. From my perspective, there wasn't enough new information. They relegated the decision to hire Mike Tomlin over the two incumbents to one page. I thought an entire chapter might be devoted to this. However, some meetings of the owners 20 years ago are gone over in great detail. I was impressed to learn that Dan was a standout player in high school and that he once scored 6 TDs in a game. That eclipses Al Bundy's mark by 2 for those that are counting. A lot of the information wasn't consistent in the manner in which it was presented. For example, for one of the early Super Bowl runs, each playoff game almost went through a late drive history but then for another Super Bowl run, you would just get the playoff scores. I think in the end, this guy has spent over 55 years working in the NFL....and that's after growing up with The Chief. How you can squash all of that down into less than 300 pages is going to leave a lot open for debate. I think Dan told his stories to the two ghost writers and then they sorted them out and put the book together. When he got to praising the players from certain eras, it also got a bit boring because there were so many from each and after describing one of the Steel Curtain in a single paragraph, how can the next three sound any different when you are only giving each one paragraph? It's a minor complaint, but with all the stars from the 70's, it almost seemed like you could just switch their names around because the praise was so generic. One thing that is not arguable from reading the book is that there is no love lost between The Rooneys and Al Davis. Had I been counting, there must have been at least 5-7 disparaging stories told about Al. According to Dan, he prevailed in most of the disagreements. If Al told the stories, maybe Al would prevail in most of them. Rooney doesn't have a negative thing to say about anyone minus Al Davis. He truly seems like one of the most gracious and thoughtful people on the planet. I guess in this age of pop culture and "in your face" media I was looking for a little more "Wow" factor from the book. I was looking for behind closed door stuff with Cowher during the bad years or something. The two non playoff years were summed up neatly in a page or so by saying "my confidence never wavered in Bill...." or something like that. It's vanilla for juicy details, but in retrospect, what else would you expect from a bread and butter team? The book is a good solid 7 for information, but I found the cadence and presentation of information lacking in something.

Ruling The School

Well, this kid should be getting laid like eggs in high school. He's pretty good for his age, but he needs more showmanship to really win over the ladies. That being said, in the crowd watching is the QB of the football team going "oh shit!" knowing that he now has to compete with Eddie Van Halen for dates on Friday night. I will never forget when our high school jazz band practiced for our concert by putting on an assembly for the entire high school. At the time I was in a garage band called Meltdown. Everyone in the band was in Jazz Band. Our drummer (me), bass and lead guitar player all played the same instruments for Jazz Band. Our singer blew trumpet. We played a song with a Latin feel to it for the Jazz Ensemble. In the middle there was a guitar solo that Rio had specific instructions for to sound "Latin". No shredding please. The solo started by everyone in the band hitting count one, then I filled on drums for two, three and four. Rio was then supposed to play the solo while the bass player and I laid down a funky salsa type groove. The night before the concert Meltdown practiced at Rio's house and afterwards we watched a concert on tape - Van Halen, Live Without a Net. In the video Eddie was making elephant noises with his guitar. We hatched a little plan that during the assembly the next day - when everyone hit ONE on the song with the solo - instead of me filling out two, three and four - Rio would crank up the amp and make the elephant noise leading into the solo. We played a our groove with a little more flair than usual while Rio went ape shit on the solo instead of playing the Latin feel that we rehearsed so many times before. The kids in the assembly ate it up. We didn't even look at the conductor as we knew he wasn't going to be very thrilled. After the song (which drew HUGE applause) I snuck a glance and he was still staring at us like his eyes were daggers. After the show the lot of us (minus our singer who stood outside the glass window office wall making fun of us) were called into his office. He proceeded to tell us had we asked to spice it up for the student body he would have allowed it, but since we didn't, we were up the famous creek without a paddle. I can't even remember what the punishment was...it may have been a letter grade drop that term and Jazz Ensemble is usually a guaranteed "A". Was it worth it? Hell yes. We got complimented and "High Fived" the rest of the day and when we see each other these days, it still gets mentioned, and that was 20 years ago.

Don't Look Up, Dumbass

I've watched this 5 times now and I laugh harder each time. You can't fake stupid.

Genius Mashup

Thanks Still A South for one of the most creative mashups I've seen in a while. This one goes out to Cousin Boomer and Cowboy fans across the country....er, world, I guess...or at least Germany.

Pro Bowl, Who Cares?

Can we please cancel the Pro Bowl this year and for every year after that? It's a sham anyway with the vanilla offenses and blitzless defenses. The stars are already pulling out. Troy Polamalu and Brett Favre pulled out today. Anyone with even a hangnail is going to cancel. Nobody wants to go, especially folks who have been done playing for weeks - it's not like they're still in game shape. They should continue to name the Pro Bowl players, but not play the game. Donovan McNabb was added to the Pro Bowl multiple times after someone bagged (dropped out, not barfed). That doesn't stop it from showing up on his resume though. I would be embarrassed to call myself a Pro Bowler if the only reason I made it was because someone else couldn't go. It's stupid. It's meaningless. It's boring. Not one person I know watches it. Bag it.

Detroit's Love Bus

Did you know Jerome Bettis is from Detroit? Well, the young mayor who gave him the key to the city 2 years ago is now under fire for.......sending steamy text messages. The nerve. They were leaked. They are 4-6 years old. He answered "No" a while back when asked about the woman involved while he was on the stand. Sound familiar? They are high school sweethearts which is endearing (to me, who married mine) until you know that like Al Bundy, he's Married....with children. She was married at the time as well. If you are the mayor of one of the biggest cities in the country - why on God's green Earth would you email or text a mistress anything that can be used against you? Yes, she worked for him, so maybe he should have called about "business". You can at least lie about that you moron. Texts and emails are out there somewhere in the cyber world backed up and archived just waiting for the FBI to need a nugget against you. I think back to that piece of shit Scott Peterson searching Google from the house PC for tide information where Lacy's body was found. Ever hear of a library? Go to the mall and test run a Dell at the kiosk. "Can I help you sir?" the polite failed car salesman will ask. "No. No thanks. I just need to do a little research on where to drop my wife's corpse after I kill her." "Oh, ok, well by all means you picked the fastest processor here so good luck in your search." This is exactly why we need The Patriot Act. If you aren't doing anything wrong - don't sweat it. Treat email and texts like it will be posted on the lunchroom bulletin board (coming from a guy who makes fun of his boss and her boss in company email 37 times per day). I think I'm hoping to be fired though, it would make me take my job search so much more seriously.

Won't See This On The News

The last four sentences will be overlooked and/or dismissed by your Bill Mahr types. I've been reading net news all day and this is the first I've seen it. Looks like 60 Minutes will cover it. I still say I don't care that they didn't have them when we went in. We needed to pick one Asshole to lose his country to show the other crazy leaders of the world what would happen to them if they thought about allowing terrorist organizations to train, grow and plan in their countries. Unfortunately, the beginning of the plan went rather well and it's been tough going ever since. Libya seemed to "get" it. Iran, however, did not.....and they can use our public opinion on this now because I think they would absolutely have to act first for us to attack in any manner. I don't think we'll be in the preemptive business again for a long time based on how Iraq turned out after the first 6 months. To call what he thought a "miscalculation" would be like calling Rosie O'Donnel "just a smidge on the chubby side". He let's the inspectors back in the country - he's probably still killing people.

Continuity Will Prevail?

Since I live in the Philadelphia area, it's very easy to tell the world what Andy Reid's biggest issue is as a head coach in the NFL. He's too stubborn. No, not because he won't put down the cheese steak, because he doesn't adjust well during the course of a game and no matter what kind of succes Brian Westbrook has on the ground, he is never going to get 25 carries a game. I always go back to one of the NFC Championship games the Birds were in against the Bucs and it was literally taking 4 people to tackle Duce Staley every time he touched the rock. Now, this was Duce Staley in his 2002 prime mind you, not the sweat suit wearing, money stealing Staley that played for us. Just so I don't lie, I went back to NFL.com and looked up his stats for that game. He was 13 for 58 for a 4.5 yard average. Westbrook was 2 for 5. Levens was 3 for 0. That's 18 rushes ladies and gentlemen and a good way to lose a game. You stop rushing a guy that is averaging 4.5 and you need your head examined. Where am I going with this? Oh yeah, I see a little bit of that stubbornness in Mike Tomlin. I read this snippet on TheBurghBlog today and I clicked through to the article. How he can defend the Special Teams coach is way beyond me. He thinks continuity will prevail? It might. We might CONTINUE to SUCK at calling games, protecting the QB, returning kicks and covering kicks. If we had 1 or 2 important coverage failures in the kicking game I would want to look at replacing the coach. We had 1 or 2 per GAME. (I need a second to calm down.) If he's afraid to admit failure by letting go of some of the people he brought in, we could be looking at bad special teams for as long as Cowher kept playing Kordell after the 1998 "season of regression". On the Offensive Line, maybe the problem is Mahan and not the coach. Maybe he can put a leash on Arians. Unless he plans on suiting up and tackling somebody on special teams, that coach has to go.

Is It Or Isn't It, Pluto?

Watch Your Step

This video is pretty funny. It's a compilation of models falling on the catwalk, on the catwalk - yeah. So, ok, you get a chuckle out of watching people fall. But think about it...for one second....this is their job we're talking about. Their job is to walk that runway - and they can't. Models have such an attitude all the time about the perception that they are stupid. What's the game show called, America's Most Smartest Model? The one girl is explaining herself in the video and says "...well the catwalks...sometimes they're 45 meters long". Wow. Yet, somehow, I'm able to walk from my car to my office every day through all kinds of weather without falling down. If you really think about it, what else could you compare a catwalk model falling down to? I'm having a hard time coming up with anything. Ok, here's the deal, you get $10,000 tonight for wearing this and walking down that catwalk and back four times. Think you can handle that? Good! Maybe their little leg muscles just give out? Can't take it any more. Must....get......cigarette........ We're talking about walking! Getting paid to walk! This person gets paid a ton of money because they were born looking the way they look. Their parents should get a cut of their check. They have no skills and they don't contribute to society. They are treated as objects and sometimes made to wear things at shows that nobody in 1,000,000 years will buy unless they're going to party where everyone is supposed to dress like a Rose Bowl Parade float. You, walk down to the end, stop for 5 seconds, turn around and come back.....got it? Our best friends had a salon day for their girl's birthday party. At the end they roll out a catwalk and they have a makeshift stage. Parents lined the walk as the girls (ages 5-8) walked the aisle, rocked a pose at the end, turned around and came back. Each girl did at least 3 passes......wait for it......yes every single one miraculously made it through without falling.

Roscoe & Enos

I went out to lunch today and it was in the 28-32 degree range. We opted for Chinese and as we pulled up to our local spot, there were two State Police cars parked side-by-side with the engines running - nobody inside. Nobody was inside because they were both at the counter ordering lunch. They proceeded to sit down and chat, drink some hot tea, get their food, eat, chat some more and leave. This went on for 45 minutes.....while the cars are parked outside running. We all scratched our heads on this one and even though none of us are of the "tree hugging" variety, we all thought it was pretty irresponsible. In fact, we couldn't believe it. I Googled some things tonight and found a few answers on Q&A type boards by officers, but I'm not sure I buy them. One stated that with all the equipment running in the car (pc, communication, video cam, etc) it's a big drain on the alternator to leave that stuff on with the car not running. He explained that if they needed to get in their cars quickly and leave - it would then be too time consuming to start up the pc....etc. It was determined by their dept that it's better to allow the car to run up to a certain point. Another answer stated that in colder weather it's even a bigger drain with all that equipment in the car and you need to keep the alternator primed. I don't know much about this so I was wondering if anybody else ever heard any reasoning for this. It struck me as odd.

No, No, No, No...NO

You have to be married to act crazy. At least you can get paid that way. I think if you are just a girlfriend, it's the quickest way to lose your golden ticket. I'm not sure Ced will make the team next year. We need some better players for special teams and wide receivers #4 and #5 need to contribute in some of the sets. Cedric and Willie Reid will be fighting for their lives next summer.

Urine For A Great Idea

A very good friend from back in Stiller Country sent this to me today. I've known JB since I was a wee fellow in 3rd grade! I'm sure she sent this because she knows we share a lot of common ground on items like this. The idea is so simple, so pure, so perfect.......yet it will never happen. Read on and sound off if you agree. I don't need to pee on command for my job. My boss knows I'm pissed off most of the time anyway so if she wanted some piss and vinegar, she could come over and get some since we share a wall. Thanks, JB, sorry I missed you at Christmas. I hope you noticed on my Chirstmas card this year that I had "Merry Christmas " on the inside in big text...no "Happy Holidays" this year...and for the record, I did that without even thinking last year. SO many people say it out here that it just takes over. Well, I'm taking Christmas back! Read on....


MY JOB AND THE URINE TEST
Like a lot of folks in this state, I have a job. I work, they pay me. I pay my taxes and the government distributes my taxes as it sees fit. In order to get that paycheck, I am required to pass a random urine test with which I have no problem.

What I do have a problem with is the distribution of my taxes to people who don't have to pass a urine test. Shouldn't one have to pass a urine test to get a welfare check because I have to pass one to earn it for the man? Please understand, I have no problem with helping people get back on their feet. I do, on the other hand, have a problem with helping someone sitting on their ASS, doing drugs, while I work.

Can you imagine how much money the state would save if people had to pass a urine test to get a public assistance check? Something has to change in this country -- and soon!

Cowher: Ravens Shmavens

I read this last week and just remembered I wanted to bring it up. It's no big deal to hear Cowher's name mentioned when a vacancy needs to be filled - but numerous sources indicated the Ravens may have been wooing Bill's big new pearly whites while Billick was still employed. How rich is that? Billick must absolutely HATE the fact that his tormentor for all these years may have been offered his job while he was still thinking he was returning next year. Like Cowher would coach a division rival. I think he has too much respect for Dan Rooney to do that. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised and will go on record right now as saying I bet he ends up in the NFC in 2009. Just a gut feeling. Nothing that will ever be talked about, discussed or admitted - but somehow he will just end up in the NFC.

Slanted #54

Shannon Sharpe

I saw the halftime show during the Chargers / Patriots game today. I was surprised because usually - I don't agree with anything Shannon Sharpe says. Today however, he had a quote that actually made sense so I thought I'd share it with you incase you missed it. They were talking about Rivers potentially being yanked and Shannon said "Dooba Booba Uoooba Foooba Nooooba. Iba Doooda Goooba Mooomba Wooomba Loona Duna. Da Booda Toopa Philba Roomba Soonba Zoonda." Well said. I couldn't agree more.

RIP Ernie Holmes

And I, The Easter Bunny

This is rich. And how sane is he, you might wonder? Well, he's 26 and married a woman who is 52 and on husband number 5. Nice decision making skills. He also won't criticize his father and ponders the following:

"My father is asking for a truce but I don't think there is any government (that) respects him. At the same time they do not respect him, why everywhere in the world, they want to fight him? There is a contradiction," he said.

Hmmmm. Seems the boy has the mental capacity of an ant....and not even one of those big black juicy ones, more like the little itty bitty red ones. This kid wants publicity. That's all, nothing else. It's probably not even his idea. I'm guessing the missus saw a mark and took it down.

Daddy Time

Wow. This was way more fun than another evening of playing "Ken" to the 57 or so Barbies, Bratz, Cheetah Girls, Hannah Montana and High School Musical cast dolls that adorn my house. I need to dig me out a G.I. Joe that would show Ken, Oliver, Troy and Ryan a thing or two about being a man....Nissan Style. Still A Dog will delight in knowing that while Hershey was mighty curious about the Swings Of Death , he backed off the second time he got bopped in the nose as the swings continued to rise until reaching their maximum height.

Free Booty From Craigslist

Does any family of Joan Crawford live local to Philly?

Are The Patriots Hiring?

If the Pats are currently hiring someone to watch game tape and record the plays of other teams, maybe they can skip all the hard work and just put Cedric to work breaking into other team's facilities? I can't imagine that a playbook would be worth enough to warrant a felony and they should be able to pay him more than what he makes from selling stolen laptops.

How To Get Your Kids Back 101

When a judge takes your kids away...here's a good way to try to win his confidence.

The title of her autobiography? Dead before 30.

How Should You Vote?

Thanks to Still A Dad for sending in this link. You answer some questions and it gives you your percentage match for the candidates running for President. I haven't completely decided who I'm voting for yet but I'm leaning towards Rudy Giuliani, with John McCain a close second. I took the test and I actually match up better with McCain's statements (55%) than Rudy's (48%). Funny as Hell that out of the 10 or so candidates listed - Hilary Clinton was last on my list with a 15% match. The very creepy John Edwards was the first democrat to hit my radar (shivers!). That dude has skeletons in his closet like I have cookies at Christmas. Get out and vote.

History Repeats

Amazing how other playoff games this week ended with some of the same conditions as the Steelers faced last week. The Chargers had to give up the ball after running while fighting for a first down to end the game. With less than 2 minutes to go, they punted to the second best offense in the league from their own endzone. Dude punted the ball 66 yards! 66! Sixty-Frickin-Sicks! That's what we needed from Danny Boy last week and we didn't get it. Oh, it doesn't hurt that their defense then STOPPED the other team from scoring as well. The Giants also had to give up the ball with more than a FG lead with less than 2 minutes to play. They also chose to run on all 3 plays if memory serves me correctly. Their defense was also able to hold the Cowboys off. Ho Hum. I guess out of the teams that are left, I'd most like to see Green Bay win...problem is - I don't think they're the best team left.

Mining Craigslist

I just love looking at Craigslist's free items for my neck of the woods. Check this one out. It probably created a frenzy. Why people can't just throw this stuff out is beyond me. When I clear clutter, I clear clutter. I can't believe that someone would even start their car up to go get these. If I needed an empty one, I would just pick up a full one the next time I was out and then wipe my tushy with wet ones for the next few weeks.

Not!

I'm tired of two things concerning the Patriots. One, Rodney Harrison is an ass. I'm sick of him. He delivers late hits at least 10 times per game and only gets flagged for it once. I've seen the Pats play several games this year and he is constantly piling on. I also think moving forward that if you get suspended for HGH during the season, maybe you should have to sit out the playoffs. I'm just really tired of him. Two - can we stop the nonsense of calling this the greatest team in history? Every promo or intro concerning them mentions it. When you think about it, the only reason people say that is because they were undefeated. They are basing everything on their win/loss record. What if the Eagles had finished them off? There have been plenty of one loss teams. Are we then saying they are the greatest team ever because they held on to beat the Eagles? Need I remind anyone with a sense of football history (today's announcers think the NFL standard for defense started with the 2000 Ravens) that the 1976 Steelers sent 8 of their 11 defensive starters to the Pro Bowl? That's unheard of. That team also has how many Hall Of Famers on it? Nine, not including the Coach, Owner and President of the team at the time. How many Patriots on this team have a shot at the Hall Of Fame? The answer is two. Tom Brady is a given. Randy Moss most likely will, but he is one event with the law away from maybe being blackballed. The 1976 Steelers had 4 shutouts in the last 9 games and 3 of them were back-to-back-to-back, going 15 quarters without giving up a single point! Also, their Hall Of Fame QB was injured and they were playing with a backup for a lot of the season and that may be why both Franco Harris and Rocky Bleier went over 1,000 yards. In the games that weren't shutouts they gave up so few points that they averaged 3 points a game over the last 9. They didn't win it all that year due to injuries, but Dan Rooney considers the 1976 Steelers the best team he ever fielded. In the AFC Championship game they were without BOTH of their 1,000 yard rushers (in 14 games remember). The 2007 Patriots are a superb team, hands down. Best team ever? I don't think so. That's a big 'ole statement to make and back up.

O Canada

There is nothing worse than your kid asking you a question that you have no clue about. Tonight we were in a bookstore and she was trying to decide which book to buy. The fact that she was looking a the price was good news to me since she was buying it with her allowance. Then, she hit me with the question, one that I never considered before and I read my fair share of books. "Daddy, why do books cost more in Canada?" Usually, I'm quick with an answer and then remind her that I'm the smartest person she knows. This time I was like...."Ummmm, because.....umm...well....er....I'm not sure." I just searched on Google and I'm still not 100% positive. I've seen "Canadians care more about the environment and trees and don't mind spending more for these types of products because of that" (I don't buy that theory). Another one said it's because the cities are far apart and not very populated between the large cities and it's a lack of infrastructure. Then why not all products with a suggested retail price printed on them? Not sure about that either. Another mentioned taxes and import fees. I couldn't find a definitive answer on the first page of any Google search I tried. If anyone knows the real answer (not a guess) please post it and a link to your source. I can't explain why a $4.99 book in the US sells for $6.99 north of the border.

There You Go Again...

Let me tell you something. If Ronald Reagan had been in office during Iran's little episode with the speedboats, Iran would have five less speedboats right now. I'm sure whatever group propagated this is now claiming some kind of victory because they have successfully taunted the infidels with no backlash. These people only understand one thing - violence. Ok, two things, body odor and violence. Wait, can those both be considered violence? Anyway, they are going to mess around with the bull and they should already know what comes next. The horns. It wouldn't surprise me if this little feat was some kind of test run to determine what our counter action would be. the next time they are probably going to plow straight into a ship just like The USS Cole and people are going to die. Bush should put it in writing right now - any speedboat coming within half a mile of one of our ships is going to become part of target practice. 'Nuff said. I'm sure tonight's "news" programs will suggest it was Dick Cheney and his cronies out there in the boats trying to make it look like we're being provoked.

Why Not Ask About 3rd and 6?

This is great. Thanks to Still A South for sending it in. It's nice to hear those accents since I don't get that many out here.

Free Stuff

Ew...I mean really.

The Chin: Redux?

With Joe Gibbs stepping down today, there's a lot of internet chatter that Bill Cowher will be high on Daniel Snyder's list to replace him. Danny Boy has the kind of cash that the Rooney's do not. He could back up the Brinks truck to Cowher's porch and dump the highest coach's salary in the league onto his porch. It's the kind of monetary respect he could have been looking for but was never going to get at home. The thing is......could this coach work for Snyder? I think he wanted complete control of football operations. Snyder will offer that. Gibbs is staying on as a consultant to Snyder. I'm not sure why you need a consultant who went sub .500 over the last 4 years, but whatever. I don't think Bill would come back to his own division and I would prefer him to go to the NFC. While he said he wants to stay in broadcasting at least one more year - we'll see. If he jumps on the money wagon, we'll know it was a crock of poop that he wanted to not coach again until his youngest daughter got out of high school. It would be more about money than the break and time with his family. He threw a little jab at Tomlin over some calls in the game on the show and he secretly may have enjoyed the loss - growing jealous of the love shown Tomlin over his year one success. That's all speculation. I'd like to think that he pulls for the Stillers. Who knows, maybe he'll pull a Gibbs and come back over a decade from now.

Life Lessons

So my daughter likes to watch Deal Or No Deal every once in a while. When she does, I don't mind watching it. I'm fascinated by the greed and stupidity that some people display. As soon as a player crosses the line that I deem rational for them (yes, I am judge and jury) I root against them with all my person. Why? I'm teaching my daughter a valuable lesson. If you were watching earlier this week, a complete nimrod who was either in his late 20's or early 30's was on. He delivered pizza. He lived at home. Looked and acted like a total slacker. He didn't have 2 nickels to rub together. He got down to where he had (and the specifics are a little fuzzy) $250,000, $25,000 and 2-3 smaller numbers. The offer to quit was $126,000. God must have really given this turd a big fat brain because he decided to push ahead and at that moment I was begging for the quarter mil to show up. He deserved it. Here he was, a "man" with nothing, and he was going to tempt fate? How dare he! Now, if said contestant was a lawyer or doctor or successful businessman, maybe $126 large was gambling money - but to Skippy - it could have been a good (late) start on life or he could have paid his mother off for all the free Pop-Tarts and laundry he was scraping. Of course, he got nailed and the offer went down to $15K and change. Apparently that was funny money to him as well because he tempted fate yet again and again fate said "F you, ass clown" as the $25K came up. Does it say something about me that I enjoyed his failure so much? I hope not. I'm sure most people at home root against the people who make poor decisions. It is not by accident that this particular human finds himself in the situation he is in today. I bet his mom threw up a little bit in her mouth when he said "No Deal!" to the delight of the Romans. Poor woman. She deserves better.

Post Mortem

Well, I can't say I didn't expect this. I always like to believe this team is going to win. I told my wife on our drive to the shore this weekend that I thought....really thought....that we were going to lose. It pains me to even type that. I never get that feeling. I was confident during the entire run of 2005. Sometimes you just get a feeling that you can't shake, and man, I had a bad feeling about this one. I feared the special teams all week and correctly so. I feared Najeh not getting it done all week and correctly so. The one thing I feared that I didn't need to fear was the left tackle position. Trai Essex did his part in my opinion. Pressure continues to flow up the middle like me peeing after a six pack...forcefully. It's embarrassing that since Ray Mansfield played center we haven't felt pressure up the gut like this. Ben looked shell shocked at times and with good reason. Can you imagine if for one game he wasn't running for his life after "hut"? I wouldn't know how to act. On to the random thoughts:

I rewatched the kickoff return about 10 times on NFL.com. At 1:14 of the game clip, there is a clip on Ike Taylor. I have to also say that starting at 1:11 or so, Ike doesn't look that inspired to make the tackle in the first place. The thing that bothers me most about the clip is that the guy I watched the game with (knowledgeable football fan C-Mo) said "Clip!" at the same time I saw it so we weren't making things up - furthermore, the ref was facing it when it happened and it was within 8 feet of the guy with the ball. Shrugs.

On the Jags first offensive touchdown - Tyrone Carter was as worthless as hot women at a Priest's convention. Watch the replay.

On Garrard's run on 4th and 2, see comments above about Ty Carter. I like his intensity, but a safety needs to stay under control and not get juked so easily! DAMN!

The worst thing that happened in this game occurred when on 3rd and 6, needing maybe 1 or 2 first downs to secure the game, some AssHat called a QB run...wide. Wait, WHAT? WHAT? Are you kidding me? Hines Ward was making tough inside catches the entire game you flaming idiot! What the HELL did you just do to my season? You giant ASSHOLE!

There, I feel much better now. Quit trying to friggin' out think the other team and get the first down!!! Why do teams curl up in the fetal position at these crucial junctures in games? We were moving the ball at will late in the game, and now, with Najeh at 14 rushes for 21 yards, we run him TWICE to make it 16 for 26 and then run Ben? Maybe if he got 5.5 yards I wouldn't be so bitter, but he got 1 yard. 1. One. Uno.

Dan Sepulveda - I have been waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting for a 50 yard boot this year....just a friggin' crushing punt when we need one. If we ever needed one, it was right after the AssHat called the QB keeper on 3rd and 6. Instead, you put up a very pedestrian 40 yarder with no pressure in your grill. Sigh. Thanks. I think the second the punt was caught I muttered "game over".

Ben.....Ben, Ben, Ben,.....Ben. BEN! In this game you looked like Terry Bradshaw on the first drive and near the end of the game - but I swear I saw a little Mark Malone in the middle. I know with so many starters out and your main weapon to boot that you felt a lot of pressure to carry the team. It's just that the second pick to Mathis didn't make a bit of sense. I can forgive the first and third to some degree.....but the second Mathis pick was a B-A-D decision.

I'm sick of Najeh Davenport. I need to know what I'm getting out of my power back each week. I can't get inspired one week and lethargic the next. I've been complaining about this for weeks.

Can I please have the head of the Special Teams coach on my desk Monday morning? First thing? Thanks.

I'm sorry, but I just don't think Sean Mahan held that dude on the 2 pt conversion. I'm not a fan and he's a big reason Ben got clobbered this year - but he didn't hold that guy.

I'm done. Enjoy the playoffs. I love to root for the AFC but I'd also like to Favre get another ring. I just don't think they're good enough as a team to accomplish the feat. Predictions later in the week.

Jacksonville Jaguars

I want to win today. I want Coach Tomlin to get a playoff win and build momentum towards next year. I think we are way too injured as a team to entertain thoughts of getting out of the Divisional round of the playoffs. I think if we can somehow get pressure on Garrard today, we can win the game. I think if he has time to sit back and find his targets, we won't. The other major factor will be Najeh Davenport. Will we get 120 inspired yards, or will he fall down the moment he is touched? We must not give up big kick returns and we can't turn the ball over on our chances. That's a lot of variables, but it's possible. What I would like to go on record saying is that if we lose tonight to the Jagoffs, I will be rooting for them to come out of the AFC playoffs and into the Super Bowl. Why not? They play our style of football and would have beaten us twice....at home. We'll see. I'll also say this, if our team was even 90% healthy, I'd give us a fair shot at winning it all. I just think our injuries and lack of solid depth on the offensive line is going to kill us - or get Ben killed anyway. Enjoy the game.

Speaking of the AP

Bill Bilermort won the AP Coach of the Year. How in the Mother Hubbard does someone who cheated at their profession turn around and win the best of their profession award? How? How, I ask you? How, How How? What a joke. When you get caught cheating in the Olympics, you get banned and give your medals back. Does anyone else see the injustice here? Furthermore, how many football talking heads will come out against this decision? Probably none, because they would then have no shot to ever interview the genius again. Could someone please remind me why this genius wasn't a genius at Cleveland? If Brady got hit by a truck tomorrow and was done forever - and the Pats won the Super Bowl next year, then I'd think about giving him the stupid award......oh wait, no I wouldn't because he was caught CHEATING the year before!

Uninformed Writers

Who in the Hell writes for the Associated Press these days? Do they just search the internet and cut & paste snippets together that they find without doing any research? I just read this drivel off of a link on NFL.com. It's an article about this potentially being Faneca's last game as a Steeler.

I didn't make it past the first two parts before screaming "BULLSHIT" at the top of my lungs. First, and I quote:

[Few players in Pittsburgh Steelers history have performed as well in a career as Alan Faneca.]

Low-IQ-writer-say-what? Few? Meaning slightly more than a couple? Few? Twenty-Five without question and who knows how many more? I like this one even better:

[Faneca is a team-first player in a sport that has increasingly become me-first]

I think this article was turned in as an assignment for a 1st grade writing class. Are you kidding me? Wouldn't a team first player realize he's over 30, that Troy and Ben and the future of the team need to be signed before him, and if he really enjoyed it here he could stay for less money like Jerome Bettis did....twice. Players all over the league do this now. Manning and Brady have done it. If you want to win Championships, you can make the sacrifice. How much money is enough? If you love being here, put up or shut up. It's not like he didn't get his big contract. He is already on his 2nd, which at the time paid him premier player money. How many star players see a third contract with the same team? I guess if he was in charge, he'd give someone on the down side of their career $20 million dollars guaranteed. Puh-lease!

Geek Weddings

Hmmm, seems to me there is one thing missing from this video....babes! Although I guess I could have picked a montage of babes and remarked that there was a curious absence of Stormtroopers. Ok, I admit that one chick in the middle is pretty hot, but the dude wasn't exactly an uber-geek either. I'm guessing he had money.

One Less Asshole

Hmmm, looks like I need to find a new "person in the NFL I hate most".