Being A Kid in the 70's

So I had a little time to kill after watching the Pittsburgh Penguins completely dismantle the Philadelphia Flyers this afternoon. I flipped through the online guide and saw that Scooby-Doo was on. I haven't watched an episode of one of my childhood favorites in a long time so I switched it over to check it out. Sadly, it wasn't a classic episode - it had Scooby-Dumb in it. I wonder if Jump The Shark listed Scooby-Dumb as the beginning of the end for the Scooby Crew? It got even worse when they added that little Puppy Power dude. He was annoying as shit. In retrospect, wasn't it pretty weird that Fred was never Mac'n on any other chics and never made a move on Dafney? He did wear a scarf, though. i thought of something else while watching this episode - what are kids today afraid of? I have an eight year old and I don't know. The episode involved The Bermuda Triangle. I remember as a kid being fascinated by a few mysterious things like the triangle, Bigfoot, The Loch Ness Monster....Jimmy Carter.....and a few other things that always seemed to be in the news or the subject of TV shows. I also remember worrying for some time that my Dad might get drafted to fight Russia, but Mr. Reagan saw to it that that would never happen. I remember shows like The Brady Bunch and some other cartoons and sitcoms going to Ghost Towns. I'd bet $100 that my bunky pants doesn't even know what a Ghost Town is. I watched a ton of movies that had to do with Headhunters and Army Ants as well. Even Gilligan's Island had a Headhunter! All of these items mentioned were topics of conversation between my friends and I. I really don't think there is anything out there today like what my friends and I discussed. Was it just because I was a boy? I'm going to go ask her right now what she's afraid of. Be right back........ Just as I thought, she looked at me like I was nuts. Was it the time? Was it just me and my friends? I remember seeing movies and stuff about dudes going over Niagara Falls in barrels and I remember we talked about that an awful lot too. Hrumph. Oh well, it must be nice to go to bed with thoughts of nothing but Miley Cyrus, pizza and Webkinz.

A Waste Of Ink

I posted a rant before about Diet Coke and how unfair the press is when it comes to studies that prove nothing. All that needs to be present to make a startling headline is a link. What is a link? A link is not a cause and effect. What is a link? If I followed 100 fat-asses around for 10 years and wrote down everything they ate (for which I'd need a thick notebook) - when they are all dead and buried, if I read their logs and discovered that of the 60 who died of a heart attack, 50 of them ate carrots as a midnight snack - I could publish an article that claims "eating carrots may lead to heart attacks in obese men". Why do I care about this? I don't, but it cracks me up to read snippets in magazines that amount to nothing. Tonight I read in a sidebar blurb "Eating a bowl of whole grain cereal with skim milk after a workout may replenish nutrients as well as sports beverages." Hmmmm. I know after running a 10K I usually skip the Gatorade and go right for a bowl of Special K. The word "may" pretty much allows for anything. Monkeys "may" fly out of my ass when I get up from this chair later tonight. I "may"start to enjoy my job tomorrow. Drinking four Ketel One and tonics "may" make me invisible. Eating Taco Bell "may" precipitate an ugly bathroom experience...well, actually it will. The other day I had a bowl of cereal and right on the front it claimed that eating it for breakfast "may" lower my cholesterol. Well, which is it? Will it, or won't it? Actually, it's neither... It's not like eating Mini-Wheats will magically lower anything, it's what the Mini-Wheats are replacing that matters. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to realize that if I generally eat a half pound of sausage, home fries and 20 oz. of whole milk for breakfast and I suddenly switch to 1/2 cup of Mini-Wheats with skim milk that it will be better for my body. And that's another thing.....who in the bleepity bleep can eat 1/2 cup of cereal? That's literally seven mini-wheats. Oh yeah, I checked, seven. The box says something like 18 servings. 18 servings? Maybe Karen Carpenter could get 18 servings out of a box of cereal but I'll be good and goddamned if I can get more than three. Wow. I had to Google Karen to see if I spelled her name right.....did you see that last picture on the link I posted? Did you watch Scooby-Doo as a kid? Bitch looks just like that cackling green skeleton-faced monster that ran around the airport.

Yeah, that's him!

Now, what point was I trying to make?