FAN: Cleveland Chooses Holmgren's Mediocrity

Thank You Cleveland Browns. Thank You, Thank You....Thank You. Why? For hiring The Walrus of course! This hyped up pile of steaming poo is the poster boy for NFL mediocrity. I can't believe (actually I can) the way the press is all over every move the man makes. Where are the graphics showing the man's credentials to take over a franchise? Without knowing the facts before writing this I think his credentials suck monkey balls.

So, off to Wikipedia I go, in search of why Cleveland is all gaga over this guy. Holmgren coached 7 years in Green Bay with a record of 75-37. Very good. He began with 3 9-7 seasons in a row while Brett Favre learned how to play the game and then while Brett was in his prime he road his horse for a 48-16 record and playoff success and a Super Bowl win (and a SB loss). He had great success at Green Bay when tethered to Favre and his waistline, I mean legend, grew.

This is where it gets fun. Mike's ego wanted to run his own team. He wanted to buy the ingredients and cook the meal. Seattle offered him that opportunity and he jumped at the chance in 1999. He went 9-7 in his first year there. Decent enough but it takes time to turn a program around, right? He got worse in 2000. Much worse. His record was 6-10. Ask Bill Belimort, it's hard as Hell to win games without a star quarterback. In his third season as Seattle's football czar, Mike went 9-7 again. Ok, Now he's back on track and is set up to succeed in season four - except he didn't. He went 7-9. So, the genius Mike Holmgren was brought in to win and so far as the man in charge of everything, he's posted a 31-33 record. How did ownership react? They stripped him of his GM role and said "Just coach please". He couldn't run the organization. He failed at the thing he wanted most.

Without running the organization he had immediate success going 10-6 but lost the first playoff game. Like most of his tenure, he failed to put together back-to-back good seasons and went 9-7 followed by another first round playoff loss. Maybe Mike should change his name officially to "Nine Wins Holmgren". He finally delivered in 2005 going 13-3 but lost the Super Bowl (he he he) to a far superior team and then blamed the referees instead of being a man. Nice character there, Niner. You can only guess that he went 9-7 in 2006. He showed a little promise going 10-6 in 2007 but he lost in the playoffs to.......Brett Favre. Sigh. That must have really rocked his world because he ended his Seattle stint with a 4-12 record. Let me repeat that....a 4-12 record. In totality, in Seattle, the genius was 86-74 and 4-6 in the playoffs.

Cleveland wants a football czar. Hmmmm, who should they seek out? How about a coach who has 7 seasons with 10 wins or more out of 17 seasons. Out of the other 10 campaigns, 7 of them were 9 win seasons. Yawn. And don't forget he got shit canned as the GM after only 4 years. He hasn't had back-to-back 10 win seasons since 1998 and that was with Favre. The fact that this man is so sought after is mind boggling to me. I read once where he wanted to go open a coffee shop or a B&B and retire. He should have followed his dream.

What has Cleveland gained since employing Mike? Well, they decided to keep a coach with a career NFL record of 28-36 because he had a 4 game winning streak. I'm impressed. The fact that Mangini went 10-6 in his first year with the Jets and 4-12 in his second tells me he went 10-6 with somebody else's team. Whatever. So what do I read this morning? Holmgren is close to hiring Seattle's Pro Personnel director to be Cleveland's GM. He's worked with him before in Green Bay and Seattle. Super! Steeler fans rejoice! Mike is going to bring his amazing streak of mediocrity to the Browns by surrounding himself with cronies from the old days who have already failed with him at other locations.

People, People, People.....please pull back the curtain and take a good look at your wizard. Your wizard isn't a wizard at all. Your wizard, is a walrus.

FAN: Romeo Is Bleeding

Wow. Slantedamus is back in action. Even before the season started I nailed this one and then had these two very very early in the season. Look for Fan & Dog in the morning, soon to take over for Mike & Mike. Maybe he should go to Notre Dame and Charlie can come coach the Browns? Maybe Belimort should come back and prove his worth?

FAN: Time For The Rumors

This one sounds plausible as they share a "man love" for each other. However, I still think he's just waiting for the Carolina job. It's not going to be next year though unless they lose by 30 points in their first playoff game.

Crown Their Ass

The Browns are who we thought they were. If you want to go ahead and crown their ass, then go ahead....crown them. At 0-2, Winslow is still talking about winning the division but at least he called our defense "great" not "good". Romeo said his team is inches from beating us. Well, that counts, dude....maybe we should just go ahead and give them the win? Steeler football is Willie Parker running, Ben throwing a minimum number of passes and the other team rarely crossing midfield. The Browns? They're who we thought they were......the same old Browns.

Thoughts From The Game

Holy Cow! We had 'em all the way......er, maybe. This was a good test for us. We stood up to the trap game and looked it in the eyes. Actually we looked up from the floor at it's chin because we were losing pretty badly. You have to be able to come from behind and you have to have faith as a team that your QB can lead you from behind. Those questions were answered pretty loudly today. Roethlisberger is a man on a mission right now. Would that be something if we could go into New England and give them their first loss in a few weeks? Anyway, not too many comments this week, but a few:

I still can't believe that our Special Teams keep having problems. You would think as deep as the team is - our ST players would be way above average. This needs to fixed if we're going to make a serious run at the Super Bowl.

Did you see Jeff Reed just get mauled during the return TD? I mean he got killed. You know what though.....kudos to him for taking a shot like that. I've watched the replay about a zillion times, and I still for the life of me can't figure out what Bryant McFadden was trying to do on that particular play. He looked like he was leading the convoy instead of trying to make a tackle. If he just throws his body in there, who knows what could happen? Maybe the blocker falls and the dude gets tripped up. He was actually ahead of him for a short time....I have no idea what he was thinking. He ran beside him for 50 yards. Do Something! Anything! Jesus, just make an effort.

Ben looks totally different to me this year and defensive coordinators will never again stack the box and dare him to beat them - because he will. The offense is very well balanced and as long as they watch their tendencies, I don't think anyone knows what to expect on first or second downs. It's exciting to watch them on offense, it really is. He looks very, very determined.

Glad the wind was in our favor, Phil hit that kick pretty good.

Ben and Hines looked like they were really enjoying themselves. It's nice to see.

Alan Faneca continues to be one of the first people to celebrate touchdowns with Ben after scores. It's good to see him as part of the team still. A lot of times, people in his situation will distance themselves and become a cancer. It looks like he's taking a different approach. The anti - T.O. you might say.

Signing Rossum was a superb decision. Is Willie Freakin' Reid still on the team? My God, my boy is taking up some space. I never see him in on Special Teams. I never see him in for something special like a reverse or anything. WTF?

Trap Game?

This game scares me. I have to say I think the Steelers are a far superior team to the Cleveland Browns. However, after a huge Monday Night win agsint their bitter rivals - this has the look of a trap game to me. On every level, we should win. It helps that we were home last Monday or I'd really think the odds were against us. This game is going to tell me a lot about Coach Tomlin. He's been preaching one game at a time for the entire first half of the season. If we ever had reason to walk around with our chests puffed out it would be this week. We already smacked the Browns around like they were our pets, but they are playing with a renewed confidence right now. This isn't the same team we destroyed in Week 1. Braylon Edwards, Kellen Winslow and Derek Anderson have been tearing the league a new one on offense. Let's hope our defense gets up for this game and shuts them down. If we look sharp in this game after playing very emotional on Monday, I'll feel much better about the rest of the season. We should cruise to another division title with this win as well. I expect to win, but won't be surprised if they lose.

What It's Like To Be A Brown's Fan

I got this link from The Burgh Blog. Hilarious!

What?

SI has a short article this week where there are a lot of quotes from Cleveland Brown's GM Phil Savage. After posting 51 points against the Bungles he's going off saying they have arrived and this was a statement game and everything they've been doing has lead up to this. (Hear those crickets chirping?) You GAVE UP 45 POINTS you ass clown! Jamal Lewis ran for 200 something yards. He had 36 against Pittsburgh. The team had 45 against Pittsburgh. Is this man insane? How do you proclaim shit like that when you got your ass handed to you just a week ago? Arrived? Arrived? My goodness, I need to go to bed. That makes my head hurt to even think about it.

The Greatest Rivalry In Sports

Would be Mike Tomlin's Steelers vs. Bill Cowher's Browns. I myself don't think it will happen, but there are a ton of rumor type websites addressing that very issue. This one is right off of KDKA's website. I think it's one article that started all of this and then all the other sites ran with it. Peter King reported that he thought Cowher may stay out of coaching for 2 years after talking to him earlier this year. Bill needs to remember one thing - remember the blank "deer in the headlights" look he had most of last year as his Super Bowl team fell to 8-8? After any stupid play or big play against them, they would show him on the sidelines and it looked like he was already thinking about wearing a bathrobe and slippers at 3:00 pm on a Tuesday....that will be him 8-10 times per game...EVERY game....if he ever decides to coach the Browns. I always thought he would come back - but come back to the NFC. If he came back to a team in our division? Wow! At least the Browns are a joke, if he took over the Ravens I wouldn't know what to do with myself. I may take his bobblehead likeness off of my collection shelf and hand paint Ravens colors on it and then think of new ways to desecrate it every week on video and upload them to YouTube.