How To Impress The Ladies

I am embarrassed for them.

We Want You

This is from an AP story released today:

The fugitive terror chief Abu Hamza al-Muhajir said experts in the fields of "chemistry, physics, electronics, media and all other sciences — especially nuclear scientists and explosives experts" should join his group's jihad, or holy war, against the West.

The Associated Press missed some of the coverage though as they mistook a pregnated pause as the end of his plea. Steel City Slant's recorders were still rolling as al-Muhajir continued his request for particular fields. "We need the proctologists to massage and stretch our tiny assholes. We need someone who can build a perfect turkey kaiser, with just the right amount of mayo. We need someone who can shine the shoes so good that his own image is visi.....oh, we wear sandals...OK forget the shine boy and instead make it someone who can tie the two cans together with the string to make a next generation "talkie" device. We need one brave soul who will experiment with the bathing every day. I would like one person who can explain to me why we still dress like it is 67 BC. I would like somebody to teach me how to groom my goddamn moustache evenly as it is much ticker on de one side like the goat and yet the other side is not so tick like de goat but still OK I guess. I would like it if the same man could then explain to me the eyebrows as I try to pluck dem to match but as you can see I cannot. I would like to talk to someone about getting me a pair of the sunglasses like that cool guy from Saudi Arabia wears when he is on the TV. I would like a PR person to get my name out there so I am recognized for the genius that I am....Hitler, bin Laden...ah-muharjir. I would like a plumber or two so I could stop de pooping in the sand and covering it up much like your domestic house cats and I would have them put in some indoor plumbing but not with the ass picks like the Brits have since they scare me when I am there. Finally, I would like it very very much if you could send me some of the western porn so I can stop masturbating while thinking about the soft, subtle sexy curves and skin of my secretary's ankles. Ummm, die all you Western dogs.

Yeah. Thanks, Abu. Isn't Abu the name of the monkey in Disney's Aladdin? In the words of great American Johnny Carson, "May the flies of a thousand camels infest your mother's armpits."

I Can Translate For Turtles

"Eeeayah Eeeayah" is roughly the equivalent of "What's my name, bitch? What's my name? Say it. Say it."

This is one of the funniest things I've ever seen and that's saying something.

What Will TO Apologists Say This Time?

Like there aren't enough reasons to dislike Michael Irvin already....I almost want to hear his low IQ explanation for what happened to TO this week. It never fails that he backs him up because TO is his "friend". They talk. They're boiz. The Playmaker and The Big Faker (I think this was staged to some degree to try and garner sympathy). I remember when he hurt his hand originally - TJ said with TO it will always be something. Irvin started to loudly defend him asking how hurting his hand is TO's fault. TJ's classic reply was to just keep fading out and saying "it will always be something.....it will always be something....it will always be something". Tom Jackson owns this angle. There is no other angle. However, because his damn necktie knot is so big it chokes the oxygen from his tiny squirrel-sized brain, Irvin will now probably get all serious and talk about depression and say how we all need to love and support TO. Support TO? Huh? Wuh? These two friggin idiots were made for each other. I wish they would get in a car with Drew Roseypalm - invite Stuart Scott and tell him they're going out partying in the hood, lock the doors, put on the child locks....and drive the stupid car over a cliff somewhere where there is water below. Boooooo-Yah!

Cut Throat Week 4

I'm taking the Cowgirls this week against the Titans. Even without T.O. The Titans are that bad. A lot of the field got dropped last week. Not sure of my chances to win yet. I'll wait a few more weeks before speculating, but I like the three teams I've won with so far as they aren't the cream of the crop. I won with the Fish, the Ravens and the Cardinals. If I win with the Cowgirls, I'll still have a lot of undefeated teams to use.

Not So Stunning Revelation

While listening to the radio I heard a list of the top 5 songs for this week. Justin Timberlake came in at number 1 with his fruity song. That's not funny. It's sad really. What's funny is what was said next:

"...and Clay Aiken comes in number two....."

Tell me something I don't know.

Jesus Christ I Hate Joe Theisman

Does he ever shut up? I mean, I could lower the volume - but I'd like to hear the game too without him yapping the entire night. Does CBS radio still broadcast Boomer Esiason? Does anyone know? F me I can't stand Joe. Did you know he used to play? No, really? Instead of him breaking his leg in a game, I wish someone would have ripped his throat out so he couldn't talk. Man, he's dropping some gems tonight. Tony K is catching on and playing with him a bit. I can't wait for Tony to say to Joe ala Tom Jackson to Michael Irvin....."Are you retarded?" That's insulting the entire community of mentally challenged. If I had a dollar for every time he says "nobody else in the NFL could make that throw" I'd be rich. If they show someone spit Joe opines about his ability to spit and how nobody else in the league can spit like that. Some guy scratches his manhood and Joe says "did you see the way he scratched his berries? he is in the top 3 berry scratchers in the league". I think he has photos of somebody doing something not with their special somebody. Why else has he lasted this long in broadcasting. Oh, and did you know he used to play?

Back On The Road

Wow. I forgot what I missed so much above business travel. Leaving the house at 5:30 AM to make an 8:45 flight rocks! Packing your Chapstick in your suitcase. Waiting in line with my luggage, there was a couple of another nationality that will remain nameless right in front of me. Both smelled like they just ate multiple cloves of garlic for breakfast. In all seriousness, I didn't want to be within 10 yards of this couple, let alone 10 inches. Jesus. I pity the people that had to sit in front of them on the plane. The thing that still freaks me out about airports is how much people talk on cell phones while waiting for the plane. Did we as Americans lose the ability to sit quietly for 30-60 minutes? The woman beside me made at minimum 10 calls and typed furiously on her Blackberry. It's 7:30 AM!! Sit down, drink your coffee and watch CNN or read the paper. Damn! The flight was uneventful and I got my rental car fast. I'm sporting around in a Kia Optimus or something. I wanted the Mini Cooper but then I would have had to pay more. Interesting that the smaller car is more than an intermediate. Anyway, I got to my hotel thanks to my Razr phone's GPS and got settled in. What a place! The Peachtree Plaza Westin. Sweet. I'm on the 52nd floor looking down on the city right now. What a view. Nicest room I've ever had. It's a round floor and each room is a slice of pie with the outside wall being all window. The room even has a nice robe. Comfy! I might keep it. The vendor fair sucked as usual, but they had great food. I ate Cocconut Shrimp all night. I even pilfered some drinks from the bar so I didn't have to drink them from my mini-bar in the room. A can of soda is $2.50! There's a little bag of almonds in there that could be mine for $7.75. No shit. The airplane size alcohol is $7.00 per bottle. It's madness. Madness I tell you. I mean I want to stay in the nicest place possible.....but I wish the nicest places also had vending machines so you don't have to spend $3.00 for a Snickers bar (yup, right off the pricing sheet in the mini-bar. What's cool is looking out towards the airport. You can see the lights from the jets as they come in and out. After the fair ended I got to spend some time with an engineer for another Fiserv product called FIDO. It's an alert system that runs within the core processor for the CUs that is rules based and shoots out emails when something isn't right. It recently foiled a plot by a guy who was depositing large sums via fake checks at multiple branch locations and then started taking it out the next day. FIDO correctly picked the next location he would withdraw from and the police were there waiting for him. Cool stuff. Why isn't our software more sexy?

Hammer, Nail......Whack!

Here it is.....hot off the presses. Not a word I don't agree with.

A Die Hard Steeler Fan, She Is

This girl was in the same corral as my Dad and I. She ran all 13.1 miles wearing the colors! How cool is that? I'm telling you, the finish line temperature that day was easily above 80 and there were a ton of guys shirtless and a lot of women wearing nothing but the sports bra thingies that they wear. For this girl to wear a football jersey throughout the race is crazy! I had a Nike Dri-Fit running singlet on and it was SOAKED mid-race. I don't know what she did when she ran past the Mummer band playing the Eagles fight song - but I let out a "Here We Go" chant that got a little chuckle. My Dad wanted me to do it again when the band finished the song and we were right by them, but I didn't want to get tripped so I kept my mouth shut (for once). Anway, I looked up her bib number and her name is Elizabeth Rossi from Sewickley, PA. I added her name here just incase she or someone she knows ever Googles her and sees this. I thought that would be cool. Anyway - how can you not like a 'Burgh girl running the entire half in the Fast Willie Parker jersey?

Half Marathon Photos

The Philadelphia Distance Run had a professional company at different locations throughout the race to take pictures of the runners. About a week later - they send you a link to all the photos and you can look yourself up by bib number. What a process that must be. Do they own software that can scan the photos looking for numbers? I bet not. Geez, with 12,000 runners how would you do that? Imagine the Boston Marathon! Anyway, they got some decent shots of me and the old man. One issue they should try to solve is the time showing in the background. Unless you were in the first corral - it's probably really wrong. Our chip time was about 10 minutes off from the finish clock. Some people might not understand why their finish time was 1:53 but the clock in the picture displayed 2:01. If your goal was to be under 2 hours, you might not want a picture with 2:06 showing! Another thing this company should do is write "PROOF" across their pictures. They disabled right-click for IE but for Firefox it works. Since they are selling very high resolution copies for big bucks - it seems silly not to protect themselves with something acorss their website. Even before I was informed by Still A. Dad that Firefox would allow right clicks, I already had copies for myself simply by saving the webpage as html which creates a folder of all components of the page, including images. Like I said though, the images on the website are low-rez and if you want really nice prints - you would buy them.

These Are The Ones That Hurt

We only stopped ourselves on offense. They really had no answers. When you lose and you are on the 15 yardline and turned the ball over, what, 5 times.....you deserve to lose. The entire game hinged on Coke fumbling a punt. We were in clock kill mode at that point. We wouldn't have even been putting the ball in the air. We would have went on a 70 yard running drive to end the game. Instead, we turned it over twice and gave up two TDs in :54. Can you believe that? Even with Big Ben throwing an ill-advised pick in the first quarter with 1st and goal. Even with Ben heaving a jump ball in the second quarter for a pick. Even with Nate Washington dropping a TD in the 4th. Even with Holmes dropping another ball deep in Bengals territory. With everything NOT going our way - we were still winning and controlling the game. The Bengals didn't control the game once, not until the gun sounded. They were constantly under attack and reacting instead of acting. I can take last week's tough loss without much discomfort. This one causes some discomfort. I was all ready to sport my new jersey on the plane to Hotlanta tomorrow, but now I think I won't. I don't want to have to answer 50 queries from perfect strangers about "What happened yesterday?". I cannot tell you how frustrating it is to have Lucy's Ricki back there returning punts. Then, after Coke screwed his up, Holmes turns around to make a basket catch over the shoulder - almost putting another one on the floor. Where is this ARE replacement that we spent a 3rd round draft pick on? Another thing about Coke - not only did he drop the punt, he gave up one of the TD passes as well. He's a hack and I'm really ready to see a lot more of McFadden. I guess we always start out slow - but how can you harass Palmer and sack him 6-7 times, stop their running game in it's tracks, run all over them...and still lose the game? Sick, Sick, Sick I tell you! Oh well, time to forget it and look towards the bye week. I would almost rather have Chad catch 2 on us than TJ. I liked seeing Chad Hi-5'ing our fans before the game and going over and talking to BC. He knows it's an act. TJ really seems like an arrogant butthead though. Loser.

Why Doesn't Anyone Check The Facts?

You know what I hate? When NFL talking heads gather around and start to spout off without knowing their facts. The ESPN Sunday Countdown show is usually the show I watch, but I'm starting to winder if I should check out Rich Eisen's show or potentially watch one of the network shows before the games start. The guys just sit around and say whatever they feel like saying without any fear of being called to the carpet on the facts. ESPN allows Micahel Irvin to just sit there and spout off at a high volume like whoever talks the loudest is the most right. What got my ire today? The Steeler vs. Bengals game was being discussed and Michael said that if you stay physical with the Steelers through 4 quarters they will fade away. Really? Based on what? Based on WHAT? Last week? Are the Bengals physical? What a ridiculous statement. So, to add insult to injury, Chris Berman drops this nugget - The Steelers can win when they score in the 20's, but if they score into the 30's, they will probably lose the game because that's not how they play. REALLY? Geez, Chris - let's pull up last year's results. Here are the results of games in which the Steelers scored 30 or more points:

34-7 beat Titans
34-21 beat Browns
38-31 lost Bengals
41-0 beat Browns
35-21 beat Lions
31-17 beat Bengals
34-17 beat Broncos

So, Chris, in games where the Steelers scored 30 or more points last year - they were 6-1. If you throw in their 2 next highest scoring games they were 8-1 as they won 2 games by scoring 27 points. 27-7 against Houston and 27-13 against the Bengals. Now I ask you, how on Earth can Chris Berman make a statement like that and not be challenged?

Eat It, It's Not Going To Kill You!

Remember this the next time little Johnny doesn't want to eat something! Good thing E. Coli can't attack fruit snacks or there would be chaos in the daycares right now!!

It's The Fish In Week 3

Like most people playing some form of Cut-Throat NFL game this week, I'm taking the Dolphins (-11) against the Titans. I still snicker when thinking about everyone that picked the Dolphins to make the playoffs and had the Steelers sitting home. Daunte Culpepper proves every week that his entire career may well have revolved around Randy Moss in his prime. Pat, does it hurt at all that Dan Marino mentors Big Ben and not the 'Phins young QBs? If "We Dey" don't beat "Who Dey?" this week.....we'll both be in trouble!

Army Recruits Most Since 1997

Believe that! That's pretty damn good news and I bet it drives Cindy Sheehan crazy. Yeah, they are relaxing the rules a bit, but still - it's an all volunteer Army. Much like her son re-enlisted after his first 4 years (because he liked it), these brave 80,000 young people are doing something that they feel is right and I'm personally glad they are taking on the challenge.

Back Without Demand - Celebrity Cock

This time I'm going to nominate Brad Pitt. Brad recently said he wouldn't marry Ms. Jolie until anyone that wanted to be married legally could. Boo Hoo. Boo Hoo on you Mr. Pitt. You just don't want to get married, so you're lying. If they passed the law tomorrow - you wouldn't drive on down to Vegas would you? She's just going to dump your short ass too when somebody better comes along..... Anyway, Mr. I'll Go To Iraq and donate all my money to charity (feels guilty over leaving Rachael....I mean Jennifer) is this edition's lucky winner. Let's see what we can make of his catalogue.

A Cock Runs Through It (the winner)
Kock
Legends of the Cock
Cock with the Vampire
Cock Monkeys
The Devil's Cock
Meet Cock Black
Cock Club
Confessions of a Dangerous Cock

Hmmmm, not a ton of humor here. Oh well, not a ton of great movies either. Keep your mouth shut and make a good movie for a change....it's been a while.

Scary Week 3

If you asked me right now who the 3 most important Steelers are, 2 of the 3 would be Troy Polamalu and Ben Roethlisberger. Hines Ward is a strong candidate for #3 as are Casey Hampton and Peezey. What's wrong with this scenario is that all 3 are banged up right now going into what is turning out to be a huge game. I'm not terrified of being 1-2, but since the Bengals would be 3-0 and the Ravens play Cleveland (making them 3-0) - it's a much deeper hole to climb out of. Let's hope coach has everyone settled down from last week and they put a good solid gameplan in place. I'm in favor of something like the playoff game - come out passing and run off of it. If the passing game stalls - we could be in big trouble. However, with the home crowd behind us, let's just hope the O Line can move some bodies and let Parker hit some creases. The Bengals aren't healthy either and hopefully we can get a few people turned around on the line and sneak FWP past them.

Cut Throat - Week 2

Well, I lived to play another week. I picked the stupid Ravens in week 2. I HATED rooting for them to win, but I don't like any of their opponents in the upcoming weeks and I don't like to pick division games. No idea on this week's pick yet. I'll probably wait until Thursday to make a decision.

Bring Back Chidi

OK, obviously Tyrone Carter forgot how to tackle last night and he picked some bad angles. I don't dislike Ty as a player, but I Love Chidi as a player. Chidi, to me, is the kind of guy you need on a championship team. From what I've seen and read he's selfless and will do whatever is asked of him. He may not be the best DB on the team, but in reality, how often is the last DB on the depth chart used (not on special teams)? So, besides Ty Carter in no particular order, here are a few players I feel like we can do without if it would mean Iwuoma could come home.

Willie Reid - I saw nothing special out of this cat in the preseason. If he was drafted to return punts and he isn't returning them YET, then obviously there is a problem. Put him on the practice squad if nobody picks him up off waivers but Chidi can help us win right now - Willie Reid cannot.

Brian St. Pierre - If we went into the season with 2 QBs, why do we need 3 right now?

Duce Staley - Are you kidding me? He's just taking up space!

Arnold Harrison - Not related to James, doesn't play like James.

Tim Euhus (TE) - Who? I know we play some 2 TE sets, but if Miller or Tuman got injured in a game, we could just abandon those sets.

Not Surprised - Jags Are For Real

My goodness, what a defense. I think we have more talent on our team and Ben was rusty - but we got beat last night. In my old age, I can look at this game and not get that upset. I think if we played them at home tomorrow, we would win. The thing is - they've now beaten us two years in a row. Should we face them in the playoffs, they won't be intimidated by us at all....not one little bit, nosireebob. All we need to do is beat Cincy next week and we're 2-1 and looking OK. I don't want to be 1-2 but it's very early in the season and we knew we had a killer schedule coming out of the gate. Some things I noticed last night: maybe Ben should have sat and they would have had a long time to prepare a plan for Charlie (good point Dog!), we can't seem to tackle those short hitch passes very well when it's 1-on-1. Ike got beat by that against Miami and DeShea was getting schooled last night. Santonio looked confused at least twice last night, especially on the one pick. Not much pressure. No running game. At least we covered punts and kickoffs. Can't say the defense played poorly, but i was surprised at the lack of good tackling from Ty Carter. Troy is hurt and banged up, but Carter took bad angles and missed several tackles - the one surely giving up the 2nd field goal. Chidi time? It's not even that the offense played terrible, it's just that Jax plays the same aggressive in-your-face defense that we do. I would have bet the farm that we could muster more than 26 yards on the ground. I'm not going to panic though. Let's give Ben a full week of healthy practice and come after those "Who Dey?" guys. Remember, all we need to do is make the playoffs. Heinz hasn't been kind to us at home in January!

Humor Before Disecting Steelers

Check It Out Whatever this guy did to his woman, she responds with full force. She has some nice moves too...ducking...weaving....bobbing.

What To Expect, Jaguars Edition

Well, we know one thing - there's going to be some hitting. I think Cowher will motivate the troops by reminding them just how tough Jax was last year....even though Touchdown Tommy threw the game away for us. Tonight, the Steelers are going to "chop some wood". I don't think there's going to be a whole lot of offense in this game. I'll be surprised if we see the endzone 3 times as I see at least 3 Jeff Reed field goals. I think we win in a squeaker. Ben will be wanting to prove that he was indeed healthy enough to start tonight. Hopefully the O Line can keep the Jags off his back as he really doen't need to be taking any hard hits right now. I think tonight if he's forced out of the pocket he'll be looking to throw the ball away if nobody is open instead of running it himself. This matchup last year saw too many hard hits to give someone a freebie at BB. I'm anxious to get a look at Najeh tonight. I hope he's 'suited up' and ready to go. I'd love to see him move the pile and put Duce to shame. I think Parker will have minimal success and gain around 70 yards. Hopefully I'm wrong about that, but I think we'll score both through the air and on the ground to get to 23 points and a win. If Willie Reid doesn't show up tonight, I'll really be questioning that decision to draft him in the 3rd round. Is catching a punt that much different in the NFL than it was in college? On defense I think we'll be fine. Taylor isn't going to carve us up but he isn't going to cave either. I'm a tad worried that we won't take Matt Jones seriously enough and he could scorch us for one. If we do give up a long ball - I bet Coke will have something to do with it. Enough with the "what ifs", let's play some football. My final prediction? Stillers 23 - Jaguars 16. If for some reason we happen to lose, it will be the special team's fault. Can you believe Chidi is auditioning for the Browns? Are you telling me we can't cut 1 person and bring him back? If we have special team blunders tonight, tomorrow I'll tell you - at minimum - 5 people we can do without if it means bringing Chidi back.

Scare Piece? You Be The Judge.

You can either simply dismiss this as a scare piece of journalism or you can start building a bunker in your basement. Either way - reading it makes me feel many different things. I don't know whether to wish for world harmony or to wish the westies would simply wipe the planet clean of Islamic militants....collateral damage be damned. Violence seems to be the only thing they understand. One word - "Hiroshima". What if we just blow a couple of cities off the face of the planet? I guarantee you that if a nuclear bomb is ever detonated on our soil, I can easily name about 6 cities that I'd start with. It's silly to even say things like that, but when you read something so offensive - what are our real options?

I Miss Chris Berman and Tom Jackson

Love or hate Chris Berman, and he's become more of a bad parody of his former self over the last 5 years, I much prefer ESPN's NFL Prime Time to the drivel ABC has put on the last 2 weeks. This "Football Night" is not a very good show. It just doesn't flow and they do a TERRIBLE job with the clips.....there is no energy, too many speaking errors....too much yelling by Sterling. I've been watching Chris and TJ since the beginning and much like the Howard Stern crew, I feel like I know them. I think they're doing something together on ESPN on one of the shows, I'll have to find it. I like seeing Bettis, but I wish he was on a better show. They really need to work on it. I mean for God's sake, they have a Chevy countown ticker till kickoff. I don't think we need that for a week 2 game. Stupid. On a side note...no disrespect to Eagles fans....but how perfect is it that Plaxico Burress scored in OT? The local idiot that never thinks he's wrong, Howard Eskin, has been calling him Plexiglass ever since Shannon Sharpe said it a few years ago. If memory serves me right, Plax shoved it right up his @$$ that Sunday as well. I'm not a Plax fan, I think he's a punk and could have been much better than he is if he had dedicated himself, but it's funny to see Howard get it wrong. What a tool.

Half Marathon Results

Well, it didn't end like my Dad and I wanted it to, but we both finished the race and we're both proud of that. WHen it's your first distance race, just finishing is a good goal. We set what we thought was a modest goal time of around 2:20. At 2:23 our pace would have been 11:00/miles. I've run several training runs for this race with my dad all at right around 11:00/miles. My last long run was last Sunday and I did 10 miles at 1:48 which is slightly under 11:00. My best 10K time is 55:25 so I thought I was in no danger of not getting in at 2:20. Well, that's why they play the game. Average race day temperature for the Philadelphia Distance Run Half Marathon is 63 at the starting line and 70 at the finish line. I wouldn't be surprised if it was 80 or more at the finish line today. The sun was out before the gun went off and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. Runners were hugging the edges of the road looking for shade. All of my training for this race was done around 6:30 - 7:00 AM and it seems like in this area it has been overcast at that time of day for the past month. If you run at all, you know the difference between running when it's 55-65 degrees is vastly different than running when it's 75-80. Dad training in the mountains of western PA is much more accustomed to cooler temperatures. Also, my dad fought off calf cramps almost the entire race and I actually had to leave him (after promising not to) around the halfway point. We were right on pace and averaging 11:00 through mile 4 even though he stopped running to take 2 short walk breaks. Between miles 5-6 he was having more trouble with it and I slowed down while he tried to walk off his problem. I kept running but very slowly because once I stop, I have a really tough time starting back up. We talked about it and decided I should just go ahead and meet up at the finish line. For a while I tried to speed up to make up for lost time but with the sun bearing down I went back into race pace and decided just finishing was a good goal for my first half. At this point I took a porta-potty break which cost me at least 2 minutes, maybe more. I also fought off a nasty stomach issue I was having which was caused by 1 of 3 things (TGI Fridays the night before, eating 4 Cliff Bars within 10 hours or drinking more water than I'm used to). Hey, you live and learn. I came in at 2:40 and pops finished at 2:58. I'm really proud of both of us. We were talking about it last night and before he started training for this race 12 weeks ago - I think he had only been farther than 5 miles once. Until I started training 9 weeks ago, I had only gone 7 miles before. For both of us to get to 13.1 is a major accomplishment in my eyes. I want to run a full marathon before I turn 40. However, my short term goal within the next calendar year is to run a FALL (see COLD WEATHER) half marathon much much much closer to the 2 hour limit most runners view the half for. I'll post some pictures when I get them. On a funny side note....I got passed by a guy juggling 4 balls around the 12 mile mark. I turned around to see if I could see my dad and I saw the juggler coming. He was in our corral starting out but we passed him very early. When he passed me I made everyone around us laugh by exclaiming "Shit, I just got passed by a juggler."

Muppets Doing OG Rap

This clip is NAFW (NOT appropriate for work) because it contains the song "F#%$ The Police" by NWA (not to be confused with NAFW). The dude that put this together put a lot of time into it as some of the lyrics match up with what's going on and how many people are rapping at the same time. The best tribute to this song came in "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back" when the sing it in the diner while trying to escape with the monkey. I'll try to find that clip.

I Have Gas

This is interesting to say the least. I remember when I first started driving, gas was right around $1 a gallon. I remember rolling into Sheetz with 6 quarters in my pocket, buying a fountain soda and getting the change in gas so me and my boy Chipmunk could roam the neighborhood stylin' in a shit brown '78 Toyota Corolla wagon with putty spots all over it. Damn that was a girl's dream car.

The Answer Is Yes

And the follow up question should have been "and why is your tie knot as big as your head?".

WAH!

This article is disturbing...to me anyway. When you have countries like Iran with a leader who makes no secret of the fact that he wouldn't mind seeing the U.S. and Israel wiped off the face of the planet, and Islamic militants with the same agenda - what are we supposed to do? Be as suspicious of Southern Baptists as we are of radical Islam? Is this guy insane? Listen Thalif, you can say whatever you want - I am a law abiding US citizen and I'm not worried about my privacy because I'm not breaking any laws or planning to blow anything up! Trace my Google searches, bug my phone, gps my car and follow my credit card purchases. Take a stool sample, spy on me at work and read my medical records. Sniff my farts, my breath and my armpits. If that's what it takes to stop another band of gutless cowards from killing innocent citizens and taking mothers and fathers away from their kids - then I'm all for it. This is the same idiotic logic that has us searching US grandmothers in airports while Arabs on student visas stroll right through. I'm sick of it. If that makes me insensitive - then I'm insensitive. You want it to stop, then you have to have the leaders of the countries that house terrorists stop them. These leaders hide behind the word "terrorists" when they very likely are doing the work that the government wishes it could do itself. Enough. If people in certain communities KNOW who the FBI should be investigating - then they should call the FBI. Otherwise, the FBI is going to come into your neighborhood and question everybody. It's quite simple really. Turn the bad guys in. You turn them in and stop hiding them, and we'll stop knocking on every door and asking questions. Oh yeah, Thalif......."WAH!".

Islamic Militants Throw Like Little Girls

This is from a story posted today about an attack on the US Embassy in Syria:

[Witnesses also said the gunmen tried to throw hand grenades into the embassy compound, shouting "Allah Akbar!" or "God is great!" It was not clear if any of the grenades made it over the walls, which are about 8 feet high.]

My 7 year old daughter can make a basket on a 10 foot rim and these idiots can't toss a grenade over a wall? Here's a better question? Why do we need embassies at all? What purpose can they possibly serve in this crazy world? I'll tell you what, I wouldn't want to be one of the Marines stationed in a country that houses these flaming assholes. This is the age of technology. I'm sure our government can communicate with Syria without having a compound in the country. How can we trust their government to help protect our citizens? I think it's time to start closing them.

Cut Throat League Week 1

I took the Cardinals and barely survived!

Random Thoughts Week 1

Well, I didn't get to watch as much football as I wanted to yesterday as the wife is out of town on a business trip so I ended up spending a lot of time with the princess of the house. I caught the first half of the Eagles game and most of the Manning Bowl. Also saw all the highlites for week 1. The Eagles defense looked terrible early, making Carr look like a young Brett Favre on the first drive. They tightened up as the game went on. Sad to say, but my God I still think McNabb is a tad overrated. I only watched 2 quarters and I saw at least 5 balls thrown around the ankles of receivers. I've said it before and I'll say it again - historically, his completion percentage is low and that's really bad coming from a QB who throws short so often as planned and even more short passes to the outlet when not planned. Whatever. They aren't deep enough at RB or WR to challenge for a championship this year...in my opinion anyway. The Texans looked like.....The Texans. As for the Colts, I was pleasantly surprised. Just as I thought, the Giants were able to run the ball right at them. If the G-men had more of a passing game last night, they could have really exploited the run. When the Colts play someone that can run with power up the middle and keep 8 men out of the box with the passing game, they are in trouble on defense. That being said, they are also a threat to put up 42 on any given week and could still win with giving up 200 on the ground. I was a little shocked to see Peyton throw 3 balls that should have been picked off but the Giant DBs must have went to the Ike Taylor school for hands as they couldn't squeeze any of them. Also, to me, it says something about your team when you have 1st and goal on the 2 and you don't try to pound it in on the first 2 downs. That says to me that Dungy has no confidence powering the ball in. Why not let them try to raise their confidence? It's only week 1, but I enjoy watching the teams that we could meet in the playoffs. From the rest of the highlites I saw...I don't have much to offer since I didn't see the games...but it looks like Jake Plummer might be carrying a clipboard pretty soon. Bad numbers. The Patriots new running back looked good. Trent Green got KILLED (and he's my backup qb for my fantasy league). Favre looked JUST like he did last year. Paging Aaron Rogers, paging Aaron Rogers. One of the dumbest things I heard all day came from Micahel Irvin...no surprise. When talking about TO and how he will handle Dallas, Irvin pointed out (incorrectly) that he's not used to lining up with another big name receiver on the other side. Hmmm, Jerry Rice maybe? Oh well, enough for now.

NFL RePlay Kicks Butt!

Have you seen NFL RePlay on NFL Network? It's really cool. They condense an NFL game down to 90 minutes by starting the next play as soon as the previous play ends. It's much different than last year's version. Last year they had Game Of The Week and it was a capsule of what happened and it was done by NFL Films with voice over by Harry Kalas. RePlay has the original call unfiltered. The other cool thing is, when there is a key play, they bring up the people that were involved in the play or the call in another window and they talk about the play from the press conference right after the game. When they were showing Heath Miller's td for instance, they kept showing different angles and had Cowher's, Saban's and Mile Peiora's (head of NFL officiating) comments running at the same time. They also mix in replays from NFL Films for the spectacular plays and it's amazing how much "artier?" they look as opposed to the live feed. I'm not sure how many games they are going to do this to every week, but it will really allow me to see more football than I currently do. I think it's an amazing feature for serious fans.

Superb Roster Move

In one of the better roster moves during a season I've seen in a while from the Steelers, Najeh Davenport replaced the newly acquired Cobbs from the Patriots. Cutting Cobbs also saves us from owing the Patriots a conditional draft pick. Davenport was a monster a few years ago while replacing Ahman Green. He will surely take over the short yardage situations as soon as he can prove to the coaching staff that he is healthy after breaking his ankle last year. Hopefully....HOPEFULLY.....the signing of the big back will spell the end of Staley's tenure as a Steeler. I'm not sure what this means for Verron Haynes as Najeh is a proven power back that can run between the tackles. Haynes is a good soldier who who never complains and wants to contribute. I can't wait to see Davenport in action. Looking at all the big backs who were available this year, TJ Duckett and Ron Dayne included, I actually like Davenport better as he's never shown the softness that both Dayne and Duckett have ben accused of. I will say this - if Nate Washington continues to excel at WR, maybe we should have drafted Lendale White this year instead of Santonio Holmes, although White had softness issues also if I remember correctly.

Cut That Meat! Cut That Meat!

Do you remember when Pearl Jam first came out and they had videos for Evenflow, Alive and the superb Jeremy? They were blowing up and Eddie wasn't comfortable with the whole celebrity/fame thing so they kind of went semi-underground by holding back the interviews and not doing any more videos for years. I wish Peyton Manning would sit down and watch an hour of NFL Network. Maybe he too would get sick of seeing his face and hearing his slow drawl. I've never seen something so sickening as all the TV time Peyton, Eli and Archie get. Numerous outlets like to call them cute things like the "First Family of Football" and blah blah blah. Interesting. How many Super Bowl wins do they have between the three of them? Wins? How many Super Bowl appearances do they have between them? Zero. Right. It seems like every other commercial or sideline report last night was focusing on the Sunday night matchup until I had to hear John Madden pontificate on what their mother will be thinking from the stands. I think she'll be thinking - "I think they should have dated more in highschool". I saw one outtake last night on either ESPN or NFL Network where they were all at a table and they were asked to imitate each other. Oh My God...how much more of this CRAP do I have to put up with? And then to hear the cute little story about having a family dinner and Peyton acted like he was taking notes on Eli. Brilliant! My God, the comic talent of that man! Peyton's face is all over the NFL and he seems to be in every commercial on NFL Network. If you're a fan of his, that's just peachy, but if you get off on watching Joey Porter bury him, then it's a problem. I have no issue with him personally. He's a good guy. It was noble to donate time and effort during Katrina. However, I think he should dial back his endorsements and commercials. He is toying around with backlash if you ask me by oversaturating the airwaves with his mug. Archie cracks me up too. How good is it for the game if the undisputed #1 pick holds the team with the first pick hostage every year? Play within the system. You shouldn't get to pick and choose who you want to play for when you're a rookie. I respect Peyton's game and he has plenty of it. Still, the only way to shrug the current tag that he can't win the big game....is to win the big game. Last time I checked....he doesn't play defense and he can't pass block for himself so it might not be this year either.

Who's Your Batch?

Wow. 3 TD's against 0 picks. I like it. I said he would have 2 costly turnovers and he had 1 on a bad transaction with the center. He looked calm and collected in the pocket and moved well when he needed to. I feel very confident having Charlie Bath on the team as the backup. I watched the press conference after the game and he was as happy as a 15 year old boy getting to third base with his highschool crush. In no particular order, here are some thoughts about the game: Where is Willie Reid? If we drafted him soley to return punts, shouldn't he be returning punts? And if not, why not keep a veteran with size like Quincy Morgan? Joey Porter is a monster...who loves his coach. Polamalu must scare the shit out of every offensive coordinator in the league. Not many safeties could hustle to the ball like he did to make the 4th quarter pick. Also, the way he interupted the reverse in the backfield was classic. Can you imagine trying to attack this defense? Where would you go? I loved the hit McFadden put on somebody in the 4th to seperate them from the ball. I didn't love the excessive showboating that got called out by Madden as well. He was showing us his bicepts again a few plays later. He'll be your opening day starter next year on the other side of Ike. Ike, McFadden, Troy and Anthony Smith should be the defensive backfield very soon. That's a pretty physical backfield. Willie Parker looked like he deserved every penny of his new contract. Ike did not, unless he was instructed to keep Chambers in front of him the entire night. You would think after 1 or 2 of those quick hitch passes right in front of him that they would move him up a bit to take it away because they were really working it, but they continued to have success with that play right up until the game ended. He also gave up a few mid-distance comebacks. Yeah, Chambers is a good receiver - but for all the talk about Ike being a "clamp down" kind of guy, that was NOT a clamp down type performance. Oh well, at least he will have something to work on this week. Ike also couldn't squeeze yet another pick. He really needs to work on that as well. Coke is starting to look like a liability to me at times. I think he let the long play to Booker happen by biting on a pump fake bigtime. I like the fact that we got a win in and now we get to take a nice 10 day rest before playing a very physical Jaguar team that beat us last year with Tommy Gun under center (and throwing the game away in OT!).

It's Ben, Not The System

A great article with telling numbers.

Front Office Shuffling Some Of My Favorites

Geez. So Kuhn makes the team. Then Ben gets hurt and to sign St. Pierre they release Kuhn. Chidi Iwouma had a nasty concussion in the last preseason game and he has now been released to resign Kuhn....admitting once again that they are in love with the kid. The next time he is released, if any of our division opponents have a brain, they will sign him just to spite us! Anyway, I really hope nobody signs Iwouma while Ben is healing. As soon as Ben is OK, they should release St. Pierre and resign Chidi.....how can you not like Chidi? He is a special team assassin!

Seems Appropriate For Tonight

This will get you fired up if you aren't already!

The French, Well Versed in Basic Science

Ok, this clip is in French, but it doesn't matter. What matters is how stupid the contestant and the audience is. The question is loosely translated to "Which of the following orbits the Earth?". The choices are the moon (luna), the sun (soleil) and 2 other planets that it cannot be! This moron doesnt know it's the moon so he requests help from the audience... Bad day to check the crowd as 56% of them think it's the sun! He believes them and loses on what appears to me the 3rd question. Where do the French get off acting so superior and intellectual yet they don't know it's the moon that orbits the Earth? What else don't the French know? The thing that really surprises me here is that the guy's wife is a BABE! He's some oldish, stupid knucklehead and his wife is a librarian type hottie. I can't speak French so I'll have to hope that the woman they keep showing is his daughter or maybe he's gay and she is his best friend or something. If she's really with him, it says even MORE about the French.

My Prediction For The Dolphins Game

Wow. Can you feel it? Can you believe it's time for the regular season to start already? Doesn't it seem like yesterday that Fast Willie Parker made one move and hit his hole for the longest rushing TD in Super Bowl history? Can you still see Hines Ward skipping into the endzone with his trademark smile reaching from ear to ear? Man, I am so glad they finally won one that I could enjoy in adulthood instead of being 7-13 years old. Think about it, I'm 37 and I've seen my team play in the Super Bowl 6 times winning 5 of them. Think about how many playoff games we've seen, how many big wins we've seen. Can you imagine being a fan of another team that doesn't have the playoff success that we have? Since 1973 I think the longest stretch we've ever gone without making the playoffs is 3 years. Anyway, on with the prediction: The Steelers will win tonight but it will be much closer than I originally thought. I think Batch will struggle early as the Dolphins will try everything to slow down the running game. I think the passing game will eventually force them out of it and it will be Heath Miller that does the damage that finally forces them to stop stacking the run. I'm interested to watch Jason Taylor to see how we handle premier defensive ends. I don't think they'll be able to run on us but it's not like we're going to put up 150 yards on the ground either. It may come down to the kickers and I don't think we'll cover the 5.5 point spread. I'm expecting Batch to have 2 turnovers and one will probably be costly enough to make us clench our collective butt cheeks going down the stretch. Hold on tight, enjoy the game and man - I am READY for some football.

I Like Ike

Ike is staying and to do so he accepted less money than he would have garnered on the open market. The key thing to remember here though is that it's not the same as him choosing the Steelers for less money than say the Redskins would have offered him at the same time. Everyone knows how we roll, and we roll very smartly by offering these young guys bonus money right NOW that they so desperately want. Same deal with Parker. We got Ike for $6.4 million in bonus money and he originally wanted $10. I would take $6 now as opposed to $10 next year - what if he plays terrible this year or gets injured? It all starts with drafting smart or you don't have the opportunity to make these kind of deals. He will get $15+ over the first 3 years and $23+ over 4. He'll play the first three and then the Steelers will probably try to have him resign to lower the cap number for year 4. Smart. Smart. Smart.

Not Even In The Playoffs

Peter King in his MMQB article on SI.com picked the entire field for the playoffs this week and did not include the Steelers. 19 of 22 starters are returning and he thinks Ben's appendectomy, Cowher's future and Ward's hamstring will keep them out of the playoffs. Boy is he going to feel dumb in 6 months.

Big Ben

I AM SO F-R-U-S-T-R-A-T-E-D!!!

You know, maybe it wouldn't be so frustrating if one of his injuries was at least football related. There were even rumors his rookie year that his thumb injury was caused by his Pitbull puppy. Oh well, he didn't start a handful of games last year and I guess it worked out OK. The crowd and the defense will keep us in this game. We'll be fine.

Crikey! Wally is Implicated!

While the death of Steve "The Crocodile Hunter" Irwin is being blamed on a stingray, rumor has it that the semi-famous Hanna-Barbera 2nd banana Wally Gator was in the vicinity at the time of the "accident". Gator was seen at a local pub the night before and was clearly intoxicated on Ketel-One and tonics. In one eye-witness account, Wally was hitting on another failed Hanna-Barbera character, the all-grown-up "Pebbles" Flintstone. He was buying her drinks and dancing provocatively with her when "Bamm-Bamm" showed up out of nowhere. Before he could even raise his club, Gator viciously bit off his entire right arm leaving Rubble with a bloody stump. At this point Grape Ape mentioned bringing in Irwin to calm Gator down. Overhearing the large purple primate - Gator continued to drink more vodka and became more and more agitated at the suggestion that the Aussie could control him. Upon hearing he was in the area filming a documentary, Gator downed one final triple shot of K-1 and left the establishment with "Pebbles" in tow. Hearing their stable mate had been implicated in the crime...Scooby-Doo, Shaggy, Daphney and Velma rushed to the scene to try to prove Gator's innocence. Fred wanted to make it but he hooked up with Snagglepuss while filming another Hanna-Barbera documentary "I was a flamingly gay cartoon character". More on this later.

Kuhn Cut, Staley Staying

Get the sweatsuits ready, Cowher keeps Duce but admits he'll be deactivated a lot early on as the Steelers traded for little known New England rookie, Cobbs. I'm very disappointed in the news, especially since Quincy Morgan was cut. I thought Q would make the team based on experience since the rest of the squad is so young after Hines and Ced. Oh well, I like it that Morey made the team as he is a tremendous special teams player. Let's hope Cowher runs Duce until he pukes in practices and gets his fat ass back in shape for the playoff run when he might be needed. I'm glad Dekkar got cut also, he stunk it up. Nua wasn't working out anywhere. I guess our cap situation is good enough to keep Duce as an experienced backup, but how many teams have someone making that kind of money deactivated week after week? He should be embarassed into retirement. I thought Kuhn would make the team. Maybe they'll get him back on the practice squad.

As Chris Berman Would Say.......

"And look.....at....that....little....Meggett.....GO!" And go he did. And he didn't stop, even when she said "No! Stop!". Nice. Way to go, Dave. Read the lurid details here.

I Have A Bad Feeling About Duce

"Sweats" got all of 46 yards last night on 19 carries. That's 2.4 per carry. Sickening. While those numbers alone should seal his fate, especially since it was against backups, I have a sinking feeling that Bill Cowher has a soft spot for the soft RB. I think he thinks he owes him something for stepping back and allowing Bettis to have the spotlight last year. The thing is, Duce didn't step back on his own...initially he was injured, and then Jerome just took over and couldn't be denied. It wasn't like somebody went to Duce and said "hey, can you wear your little gray sweatsuit a few more weeks - look how much fun Jerome is having". No! Bettis has heart and passion and it shows every single time he touches the ball. Duce would look better sitting in front of a tv eating a big bowl of ice cream. The fact that he was still in the game in the 4th quarter is troubling to me. It says that coach "C" is trying to shake off his rust for him since he doesn't seem to want to do it himself. Maybe coach was hoping he'd break one (yeah, right!) and then everyone in the 'burgh would have a nice cup of STFU for breakfast this morning. Not. Hopefully, what coach was doing was showing the rest of the league Duce's considerable skills (at falling down) so they will pick him up after we cut him thus alleviating his guilt over cutting him. Coach, this is the NFL, hand the turk your cards and make sure STALEY, DUCE is printed on one of them. There is no way in my mind you can justify keeping him over Kuhn who will absolutely be gobbled up if he isn't kept on our team. "The Duce is loose?" How about "The Duce, no use". Amen.