Ruling The School

Well, this kid should be getting laid like eggs in high school. He's pretty good for his age, but he needs more showmanship to really win over the ladies. That being said, in the crowd watching is the QB of the football team going "oh shit!" knowing that he now has to compete with Eddie Van Halen for dates on Friday night. I will never forget when our high school jazz band practiced for our concert by putting on an assembly for the entire high school. At the time I was in a garage band called Meltdown. Everyone in the band was in Jazz Band. Our drummer (me), bass and lead guitar player all played the same instruments for Jazz Band. Our singer blew trumpet. We played a song with a Latin feel to it for the Jazz Ensemble. In the middle there was a guitar solo that Rio had specific instructions for to sound "Latin". No shredding please. The solo started by everyone in the band hitting count one, then I filled on drums for two, three and four. Rio was then supposed to play the solo while the bass player and I laid down a funky salsa type groove. The night before the concert Meltdown practiced at Rio's house and afterwards we watched a concert on tape - Van Halen, Live Without a Net. In the video Eddie was making elephant noises with his guitar. We hatched a little plan that during the assembly the next day - when everyone hit ONE on the song with the solo - instead of me filling out two, three and four - Rio would crank up the amp and make the elephant noise leading into the solo. We played a our groove with a little more flair than usual while Rio went ape shit on the solo instead of playing the Latin feel that we rehearsed so many times before. The kids in the assembly ate it up. We didn't even look at the conductor as we knew he wasn't going to be very thrilled. After the song (which drew HUGE applause) I snuck a glance and he was still staring at us like his eyes were daggers. After the show the lot of us (minus our singer who stood outside the glass window office wall making fun of us) were called into his office. He proceeded to tell us had we asked to spice it up for the student body he would have allowed it, but since we didn't, we were up the famous creek without a paddle. I can't even remember what the punishment was...it may have been a letter grade drop that term and Jazz Ensemble is usually a guaranteed "A". Was it worth it? Hell yes. We got complimented and "High Fived" the rest of the day and when we see each other these days, it still gets mentioned, and that was 20 years ago.

Still A. Fan Admits, Got Poached Years Ago

This is terrible!

Anyone who knows my past knows this story rings near and dear to my heart. For I too, was once an egg chucker. Lucky for me, I was an egg chucker back before most people were armed while driving around town. I remember it like it was yesterday. I was writing a paper for 11th grade college prep and my "friend" Booger came over because he was bored. He heard there was an "EP" game going on and he wanted to get in on it. "EP" is what we called an "Egg Patrol". The city was boxed off by major roads and everyone knew the boundaries of the game. We stopped in at Sheetz and bought two dozen eggs and hit the road in Booger's car. Funny, we never came across anyone else in a car that was playing that night and they shall forever remain nameless - (cough, cough) Ray (cough, cough) Bill (cough, cough) and many others. As we passed two women out walking, I tagged one in the back as cleanly as a QB hitting a RB on a flair route. We were laughing so hard we had to pull over. Not satisfied with the single hit, we turned around and went back - you guessed it - she was hit again as her friend was helping her get the first one off. There were more hits that night, and some clear misses. One miss was on a particular person who went to my high school and happened to live in the same house as the mayor. No Joke. She was walking with friends and and it was dark and we didn't even know it was her. Nobody was hit - but the driver of the car was spotted. Did I mention he wasn't very well liked? Long story short - they called the pigs on him! They didn't realize I was in the passenger seat or they would not have called. I had juice. The driver, sadly, had a club named for/after him...BHOA. It stood for Booger Haters Of America unknown to him. "BHOA" was our rallying cry. He called me one night to inform me that officer such and such would be right over to the house to ask me some questions. I didn't believe him. I was wrong. I told Still A. Dad first. I'll never forget his first reaction......"Awww SHIT!". Mom was the tough one to tell. Yup, she cried. Why? "You're a straight 'A' student!". Not true, I got some B's. Oh yeah, she knew the mother of the girl as well. As soon as the officer left the house and informed me that I had to appear before the magistrate - she made me get dressed and drove me over to apologize to the girl....which I didn't want to do because i knew nobody got hit and they were just trying to get Booger in trouble....which backfired. The driver wasn't charged with anything. The golden-armed thrower was. I apologized and was given the option by the mother to maybe cut their lawn that summer instead of following through. The mayor happened to be out of town. Still A. Dad and I came to the same conclusion on that point - "No Thanks". I went before the magistrate and was given the minimum fine of $25 plus $50 court fees. He was a cool older dude who entertained us with stories about how he used to throw buckeyes at the passing trains and how "boys will be boys". I paid off my debt and even further distanced myself from Booger who instigated the entire damn thing. I went on one "EP" in my entire high school life and I paid the price. It was a good lesson really because I had another friend who was lobbing water balloons out of cars onto oncoming windshields. My spat of trouble chilled him out and I'm glad. Can you imagine driving along and having a water balloon explode on your windshield? Jesus, I'd need to change my underwear. Also, I'm now crazy on the other side. If my wife and daughter weren't in the car with me and someone did something like that tomorrow, I'd chase them down. We've already determined I'm not shy about expressing my opinions to total strangers. Would I shoot them? Nooooo. Scare them enough that they may stop? That's the plan. It's too bad this 14 year old kid had to die just from hanging around with the wrong kids....or were they the wrong kids? Remember, boys will be boys until we learn a good lesson. What I'll promise you is this - do you think those other two guys are EVER going to throw anything at a car again? They did it to the wrong guy on the wrong day and the more you read the paper and watch the news, the more likely that is going to happen. There were other reports of people being bombed that night by a few select Grade "A" Large white orbs. The officer asked me if it was us? Was it us right down the block after a Bingo ended...in a silver car....."No, officer". (Cough).