For The Boys

I was outside tonight handing out candy for Trick-Or-Treat because the weather was superb here in the great Northeast. We had a pumpkin luminary runway of sorts up the driveway and I was handing out Hershey bars at the end of the "runway". My neighbor came over to BS while we were passing time and he told me a hilarious story. He's a Colonel and returned in the last year from his second stint in Iraq. We were both complaining about the amount of money we put back into our houses and he was telling me how some of the guys spend their military pay when they return from Iraq. It seems pretty popular to buy a Harley when you return. One guy that he knows has a wife who controls the purse strings. When he returned he started talking about the Harley and how a lot of guys get them when they come back to the states. He even took her out Harley shopping. She was against it. They had kids. She thought it was dangerous. He kept mentioning it and went to look at them again. One night he cornered her to have a serious talk about it. He expressed again how much he'd like one. She was totally honest with him and told him her fears and concerns. After talking about it with her he finally relented and asked if he gave up the Harley, could he at least get something smaller, like a nice flat panel HDTV. Happily, she said "Yes" and why wouldn't she? A flat screen TV is safe and even a top of the line model is a fraction of what a Harley would cost. In the end, she got what she wanted.....but so did he. You see, it was an elaborate plan to get the TV the entire time. Sweet Jesus, I love it when a plan comes together.

iHalf

Seems innocent enough, has anyone used this yet?

Dancing With The Stars

While I would like to say I have a picture of Jane Seymour here because Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman was my late grandmother's favorite TV show while it was on - I can't. I have a picture of Jane Seymour here because after seeing her on TV tonight while on the laptop, I popped her name into imdb.com to see how old she is. 56. 5-6. Fifty-Six. DAMN! I know I'm not a spring chicken anymore at 38 (a week shy of 39), but DAMN! She's almost 20 years older than me. Does that mean I've matured?

TJ Houshmandzadeh OWNED

Steel City Slant will not be doing a thoughts from the game this week. Why not? Because everything can be summed up in one simple question and response:

Q: Hey Whosyourmamma, Who's Your Daddy?

A: Anthony Smith

That will be all for today, class.

Do As I Say, Not As I Do

This is one of the best headline links I've ever read on Yahoo news "Britney Spears' mom to write book on parenting". Now, do I want to make fun of that, or did I just need a reason to post the hottest picture I could find of her? Hmm, let's call it a little of both. You could take the fun in a million different directions, but I think I'll go this way - here are some more parents that want to get a book on the market. Pee Wee Herman's mom is writing a book entitled "Everyone needs A Partner". Marion Jones' moms is currently writing "Cheaters Never Win". "Your Body Is Private" is for tweener girls written by Paris Hilton's mother. "The Dangers Of Driving Drunk" by Keifer Sutherland's mom will be hitting the shelves any day now. Alec Baldwin himself is writing a parenting book entitled "How to Talk to your Child Like An Adult". Not to be outdone, Kim Basinger is busy putting together "Your Child is not a Pawn in the Game of Divorce". Lindsey Lohan's mom is rushing to finish her first book called "Nothing Will Happen If You Let Your 12-year-old Have Wine With Dinner". Rosie O'Donnell's mom just completed "No Snacks 'Til After Dinner". Clay Aiken's mother is out marketing "Streisand Singing Sons Can Be Straight". Mrs. Vick recently completed "Evevry Boy Needs A Dog". Come on, add to the list.......

75th Anniversary Team

Well, the 75th Anniversary All-Time Steelers Team was announced this week. There aren't too many choices you can argue. I think what I would argue is this - maybe instead of having only 33 players on the team, they should have went with 50. In some instances, very good players got cock blocked because of so many automatics. Let's take a look at the team and revisit who I voted for. I did a lot of voting for some players knowing that other automatics would make it.

Here's the official team:

OFFENSE

Terry Bradshaw - Quarterback (1970-83)
I voted for Ben knowing Terry would make the team. I was thinking maybe Ben could fill out the other 9 players that weren't voted as starters. I was wrong....and that's probably right.

Jerome Bettis - Running Back (1996-05)
Rocky Bleier - Running Back (1968, 1970-80)
Franco Harris - Running Back (1972-83)
There were two starters allowed here. Knowing Franco and Bettis would start, I voted for Rocky Bleier and Barry Foster. Rock made the extra 9.

Bennie Cunningham - Tight End (1976-85)
Elbie Nickel - Tight End (1947-57)
I voted for Mark Bruener because of his blocking skills, which is what the Steelers primarily used him for and I didn't want to hold that against him. I predicted Cunningham would probably be the choice. I haven't read anywhere which of these guys ended up starting and which was the extra. Maybe they didn't even make that public?

John Stallworth - Wide Receiver (1974-87)
Lynn Swann - Wide Receiver (1974-82)
Hines Ward - Wide Receiver (1998-Present)
I predicted this outcome, but who couldn't? I also voted for Louis Lipps as a sentimental favorite knowing Swann & Stallworth would get in. Not sure which 2 finished tops.

Larry Brown – Offensive Tackle (1971-84)
Dermontti Dawson – Center (1988-00)
Alan Faneca – Guard (1998-Present)
Tunch Ilkin – Offensive Tackle (1980-92)
Jon Kolb – Offensive Tackle (1969-81)
Mike Webster – Center (1974-88)
I voted for Webster, Ilkin, Dawson & Faneca so I feel good about those guys making it. I then voted for Ray Mansfield to round out my 5. He didn't make it but Jon Kolb and Larry Brown did. I wish I could see the original ballot because I don't remember who all was on it for this position. You can't argue too much with Kolb & Brown. Leon Searcy was going to be real good, too bad he didn't hang around long enough to be considered. Jeff Hartings was also very underated as far as Steeler reputations go.


DEFENSE
Joe Greene – Defensive Tackle (1969-81)
L.C. Greenwood – Defensive End (1969-81)
Casey Hampton – Nose Tackle (2001-Present)
Ernie Stautner – Defensive Tackle (1950-63)
Dwight White – Defensive End (1971-80)
I didn't vote for Greene or Greenwood knowing that they would get in. I voted for Big Daddy, Holmes, Fat Casey and Dwight White. You can hardly argue with Ernie Stautner either.

Jack Ham – Outside Linebacker (1971-82)
Jack Lambert – Middle Linebacker (1974-84)
Greg Lloyd – Outside Linebacker (1988-97)
Joey Porter – Outside Linebacker (1999-2006)
Andy Russell – Outside Linebacker (1963, 1966-76)
It's no surprise that LB got 2 extra positions on the team. If the votes are never released, there could have been a cover-up involved where all 9 extra slots should have gone to LBs! Ok, maybe not that many. Anyway, I didn't vote for Lambert or Ham knowing they would get in. I tried to support my favorites, Lloyd, Kirkland and sentimental favorite Kevin Greene. I predicted Andy Russell would be included as well. Joey Porter is the first player included that should not have made the team in my opinion, and I'm not saying that just because he's no longer here. He didn't dominate as long and sometimes completely disappeared in games. I loved his heart and he was instrumental in beating the Colts during the Super Bowl run, but overall, Levon Kirkland was a better player in his prime than J Peezey was. Heck, Hardy Nickerson may have been just as good. Dirt Winston was pretty good. Hinkle. Heck, I could go on and on and that's just players from 1980-on.

Mel Blount – Cornerback (1970-83)
Jack Butler – Defensive Back (1951-59)
Carnell Lake – Safety (1989-98)
Troy Polamalu – Safety (2003-Present)
Donnie Shell – Safety (1974-87)
Rod Woodson – Cornerback (1987-96)
I'm a tad bit surprised here. DBs got 2 extra positions. I think 1 would have been enough and linebacker could have had one more. I voted for Lake, Polamalu, Woodson and Shell as another sentimental favorite knowing Blount was automatic. I don't know Jack Butler from Alfred the Butler so I'm really in no position to say if he deserves a spot on the team. Maybe Still A Dog can shed some light on this.

SPECIALISTS
Gary Anderson – Kicker (1982-94)
Bobby Walden – Punter (1968-77)
Again, I don't really know much about Walden, so we'll be cool with that pick. Maybe for the 100th Anniversary Team we'll be looking at Sepulveda?

Not sure who else should be on the team, do we need 1 or 2 players who had the heart of a lion but not quite the skill of the players above? If so, and remember I don't go back too far, I'd take Jerry Olsavsky. I always liked him. Good, solid player. Not sure who else. I'm going back to my original idea of wanting 40 or 50 players because I really think it would have been easy to fill that out as well. 40 minimum would have got some really deserving players onboard.

Iraq Numbers

Still A South sent me an email this morning that had a bunch of interesting tidbits about Iraq in it. It's a little long and contained too many pictures to post it all here, but a few of the items really do make you stop and go "hmmmmmmmmm". Some of the interesting "bullets":

A lot of arguments against the war in Iraq start something like this: "Iraq didn't attack us, why did we attack Iraq?" Well, did Germany attack us leading into WWII? I don't think so. It's an interesting point and should be made anytime someone starts with that question. I also don't remember Vietnam attacking us. Hmmmm. Did Korea ever attack us? Did Bosnia? Since when does somebody have to attack us before we are moved to action? I've been on record many times saying Bush should have just stated the obvious - we are going to show the world what happens when you even think about harboring terrorists...we will overthrow your government. like Dennis Miller said, there were 3 or 4 asshole leaders we could have proved our point with. Saddam was the most logical and drew the short straw. Now, maybe it hasn't been run 100% effectively since it started, but I loved the idea in the beginning and I still like the idea now. I will admit however that since it got bogged down a little - it will make it harder to get people on board the next time a good ass kicking is needed.

People call this another Vietnam. Um, not quite. You might want to hold off on that statement until about 2013 and 54,000 more US deaths. Then you can compare it to Vietnam.

Another interesting fact is the number of US deaths. Yes, every single one is important and none of them are trivial, but Detroit averages the same number of murders per month as US combat deaths in Iraq. Where is the outcry over that? What about other major US cities. What about minor cities? What about DUI deaths? What about incorrect prescription deaths? What about.....? What about......? What about.......? You get my point.

Anyway, not a political rant, but some good things to think about.

"Till The Wheels Fall Off....."

I don't remember the exact date that new head coach Mike Tomlin told the world he was going to run Willie Parker until the wheels fell off, but I remember being happy about it. Especially since I had been hearing Bruce Arians crow the entire off-season that the offense was opening up and we should get ready for some vertical football. I did not like hearing that. I don't mind opening up the offense a little, but you don't mess with success. Now, being that Parker was in the mix of league leaders for rushing and being that the Denver Broncos were so bad statistically against the run, you would think that Fast Willie would be in for a long day. In fact, he got used less than Rosie O'Donnell's treadmill. After the game everyone wanted to know 'Why?'. Tomlin explained that he knew Shanahan would gear up to stop the run this week. Plus, I'm not sure Tomlin said it, but Champ Bailey couldn't go and that meant fresh meat in the secondary. After a few days to let all of this marinate - here's what I think about the number of times Willie touched the ball. Let's say they did put 7-8 guys in there and we still pounded it up the middle for 3 quarters getting nowhere. Then, the Monday morning pundits would have called them idiots for not throwing on Bailey's replacement. Had Hines squeezed a few more balls and had the offensive line pass blocked a little better, maybe we would all be calling them wizards for constructing such a great game plan. I want to say they adjusted well because we came back in the 2nd half, but when your QB is saying "Hike" and then immediately running for his life, don't you have to run a little more to try and curb that? I don't know. Sometimes the best thing against a pass rush is a screen pass. I'm not too sure how many screens we saw that night. Anyone? What I know is this, every time the Steelers lose a game and they throw more than 22 times, all you hear out of the blathering idiots is "The Steelers need to get back to running the ball....". Fine. But, if the defense held after the TD and somehow we kicked a FG as time ran out - then what? Would the critics still be saying we need to run more to win? I doubt it. I think the TV analysts have a secret decoder ring. If you turn the ring to Team: Steelers and Outcome: Loss the secret code analysis is always "They need to run more". I hope they don't get too tricky and think "Well, The Bungles know we're going to really try to run it down their throats this week......so let's pass!" We don't need to be 65-35 or 60-40. We don't need to be 50-50 either. How about a nice conservative 56-44? We shouldn't change mule fritters based on the other team's strengths and weaknesses. Our strength is running the ball. In the beginning of games, we run the ball until they prove they can stop it.....then adjust accordingly. Until they stop it, why ruin a good thing?

I Have An Idea

Let's play Jeopardy.....

The Answer is: Pulling the trigger of a shotgun with the barrel in his mouth.

The question is this.

Please, No....Please?

I thought I wanted to see the movie Rocky Balboa (Rocky 6). I was wrong. I watched it over the summer with my brother-in-law, niece and nephew (the injured PITA) and we couldn't stop laughing. It was the worst script - the worst acting - the worst cinematography....the worst everything. So, what does Sly have in store for us now? John Rambo. In effect, it's Rambo 4 and here's the trailer. Lord help us. All through Rocky Balboa, I couldn't help but think that with all his botox and 'roids that he looked like one of those old fashion sad clowns. I used to have a picture of one hanging on my bedroom when I was a kid. They almost look like a hobo. This picture that I found isn't exactly like I imagined it - but it's close. He wore that same stupid hat throughout the movie as well. Stallone should have stopped at "Cop Land", which was his last good performance.....and even that was a comeback. These movies are nothing more than nostalgia. I'm glad I bought it on pay-per-view and not the theater or DVD. I would have broken the DVD in half. I'm sure it will make it's money, but it won't have any legs. This is almost worse than an athlete who doesn't know when to retire. Maybe I should have looked for a sad mime instead of a sad clown? I have that damn picture burned into my head and I can't find it. I'll work on it.

Dumbledore's Tangent

For those following the Albus Dumbledore thread below. This is about the Muppet, Kami. I remembered the story correctly, but the character was never introduced in the US.

Tony Still Kickin'

That's right.....

suck it, people who thought the fade-out meant he was dead......

Canon Rock

This kid can shred on guitar. After watching this if you are impressed, click on his other clips to the right and check out Canon 3 and some other things. He's awesome and only 16 years old.

Defense Blew It

I'm not used to losing games because of the defense. Usually when the Stillers lose, they make special teams mistakes or the offense turns it over too many times or makes mental errors. I'm hanging this one on the defense. True, Ben threw some picks, but they weren't costly or pick-sixes. We clearly had the momentum in the 4th quarter and I thought the game was in hand after the last TD. To see Cutler drive straight down into FG range made me sick. The play that was reviewed irked me a little because it looked to me like the touch occurred right before the catch. When the receiver popped up, it then looked like the ball is what was touched, not the player. I'm not sure, and I wish the ref would have clarified, which player touched him down by contact. In any event, for the defense to give up so many TDs, they didn't play well enough to win. They also gave up far too many 3rd and longs. Ben continues to impress me with his slipperiness, but last night he threw high a lot of times while scrambling. High throws lead to tips and picks. He also waits until the very last second to throw and that's going to cause fumbles as well. Some random thoughts: Our tight ends are TD machines! Spaeth is going to end the year with 12 catches and 11 TDs. Heath Miller should start to be mentioned with the best TEs in the game. I saw Santonio Holmes throw a hellacious block early in the game on a Willie Parker run. It easily got him an extra 5 yards and the announcers didn't even mention it. Is it me or does Hines Ward not look like a $5 million dollar a year player? Yes, he's coming off on an injury, but I didn't see it in the preseason or early on. He needs to ratchet up his game a little bit. Eason looks like a player to me. I'm not sure the play dropped off after Smith was injured. I'm not saying he's as good as Smith, but I didn't notice a drop off last night. You know what pisses me off? The one time Ben was sacked, he was easily wrapped up by 2 guys, with no whistle, and then a third guy jumped on him - he was still slowly moving backwards with no whistle - progress was clearly stopped - and when he didn't go down one of the dudes threw him to the ground. Had that been model Tom Brady or commercial star Peyton Manning, flags would have flown all over the place - I guarantee it. Is Mike Tomlin really as cool as a cucumber, or near the end of the game was that just an act with the hands in the pockets and stuff? I'm also guessing Mr. Rooney may have whispered in his ear a few weeks ago to not pull the old time out as the kicker kicks rule? Maybe he considers it classless? I don't know. You can't be disappointed at 4-2, but the Broncos minus Javon Walker and Champ Bailey should be beatable by a Super Bowl contender. Would it be possible to give Ben a good 3 seconds to throw every once in a while before weaving and bobbing for his life?

J.K Coward

I'm not disturbed by J.K Rowling outing Albus Dumbledore. I am, however, a bit disappointed about how she chose to do it. I wonder how many parents are explaining to their kids this weekend what "being gay" means? The story was on the weekend news magazine shows and every Internet list of news I saw this weekend. Sure, at some point you have this conversation with your kids, but the timing should be up to us. I think it's a chicken-poop move by her to not come out and say it in the books if that was indeed Dumbledore's "arc". It's almost like she was too afraid to put it in print, yet she had no problem blurting it out at a fan Q&A. You wrote seven books with the same characters and just finished the last one knowing full well it would be the last one. If you wanted to get something on the final record - put it in the book. We own the first six books but I haven't read any of them yet. I've seen the first five movies so I really can't comment - but at a cookout last night Chrissy TwoCoats told me he read them all and never once thought Dumbledore had an affection for show tunes, Barbara Streisand or Bette Midler. His wife, however, said she had an inkling. Well, I have an inkling about ten guys I know...but until I know for sure, it's just an opinion. I'm sure some kid will tell my daughter on Monday that Dumbledore was gay and then she'll ask us what that means. I guess I'll be having that conversation a little earlier than I wanted to.....not that there's anything wrong with that. Wow. Some far right idiots already didn't like the books because they thought they promoted witchcraft...can't wait to see what they'll come up with next. They'll have Albus inviting Harry & Ron over for some Jesus Juice and to look at some "pictures". On a more serious note - I really think if I were gay, I would be a little insulted that this tidbit didn't make the books. Maybe she should add an eighth book, Dumbledore Does Hogwartz, Wizards Gone Wild. Maybe she didn't put it in the books because she knew it would cause a flap and then certain parents wouldn't buy the books for their kids? She could have opened the flood gates for a new genre of kids books. You know that famous kid's book "Everybody Poops"? I can hear that author pecking away at his keyboard right now writing "Yes, Timmy Married Tommy" and "Aunt Paul Is Cool". Oh well, on to the rest of the weekend.......

If It Doesn't Kill Me....

Moor Cowbell, a regular reader and member of my "mid-life crisis" garage band, suggested a good idea for a post. After last week's talk of the crib slats and the fun it created - he requested a healthy debate on what we were allowed to do as kids, or things our parents did that are frowned upon now.....even though we somehow survived. We already discussed cribs with slats far enough apart to stick your head in (mine wouldn't have fit - my head was twice the size of my body), car seats to some degree and riding bikes without helmets. I'm going to start off with a few more abstract examples. I liked my tv as a kid. Man, did I like my tv as a kid. I was a Saturday morning cartoon hound. I loved Looney Toons and Hanna-Barbara. I also liked the cartoons that didn't catch on with everyone else. Blue Falcon was a favorite of mine as was Speed Buggy and Clue Club. I don't want to take a guess as to how much tv I watched per day, I'm sure my sister would pass out if she read the number. I knew the schedules after school like the back of my hand. In the summer, it was Gilligan's Island, The Munsters and The Addams family in the mornings. Lost In Space as well. The thing is, I still played sports and didn't let it bother other aspects of my life. They really didn't have too many tweener type shows like they do now with live action, but as soon as I hit a certain age my likes changed to things like The A-Team, The Dukes of Hazzard and Greatest American Hero. Today, there are a ton of things written about how bad tv is for kids - opinion pieces, mind you...I don't let it bother me. My daughter polices herself in this area. I don't put restrictions on her. I mean, look how well I turned out?! I've found that with no rules about usage, she doesn't see it as a "treat" or anything great or special..she watches the shows she likes (sometimes while having a book in front of her or while drawing) and then moves on. Another thing that gets killed in the media right now is some forms of music and kids. This is no lie - in 3rd grade I walked into "Record Day" at school with KISS Alive II. Obviously it didn't get played. If I wasn't watching tv, I was listening and playing my drums along to KISS and other bands of the day. I was walking around singing lyrics from songs that I'm sure I shouldn't have been singing at that age. I didn't get any of the innuendo. What year did "Plaster Castor" come out? Room Service? Anyway - it's pretty safe to say today that if a 7-year-old listened exclusively to sexually laced lyrics - it would be frowned upon. Lastly, how about how much we played with toy guns? My cousins and I had a cache of plastic weapons that we took to our grandma's house to play our war games with. We had several games that we'd play depending on which house we were at. There were endless arguments about whether someone got shot or not. I played guns with the neighbor kid I grew up with as well. It was no big deal. Every kid in my neighborhood had play guns and I can still remember which kids had which guns. We had the paper cap guns and the red plastic ring caps. There were the yellow rubber BB guns and the space age plastic disc guns probably influenced by Star Trek. Contrast that with a party I was at a few years ago that had a balloon artist. He made swords for two boys made out of a balloon and a parent went over and told him to stop making weapons. I shit you not. At that same age we were shooting little yellow BBs at each other and my daughter's male friends at 4 or 5 couldn't sword fight with balloons. Huge difference there. Now, I'm from western PA and most of my relatives hunt and I'm a big believer in gun owner's rights and whatnot - but I don't own one. I'm sure the preachy parents of the world would like you to think that someone who grew up watching far too much tv, listening to inappropriate rock music in 3rd grade and constantly playing with toy guns turned out to be a low life, violent piece of poop..... Not a semi-geeky software engineering family man with a well rounded daughter living the suburban dream. Next........

Godsmack's Singer vs Drummer

Awesome!

Networks Are Cowards

I complain all the time about sports analysts trying too hard to be funny. It doesn't work. From Keith Olbermann trying to be witty to Tony K trying it in the booth - it doesn't work. You put 4 or 5 guys around a table and they all start laughing over nothing. It's probably a nervous laugh for who is going to get fired next. Anyway, ESPN invited Jimmy Kimmel into the booth on Monday. He's funnier away from his show than he is on it. He was great on The Man Show and he's one of Howard Stern's best guests (slightly better than his girlfriend Sarah Silverman). He had some hilarious one-liners and I actually laughed out loud at a couple of them. The network, however, thought they were inappropriate and he probably won't be back. So, for the record, the analysts themselves try to be funny and fail, so real comedians are brought in to be funny (and they succeed), yet maybe they offended somebody so now they can't come back. Who was offended? Joe Theismann? F him, he was horrible anyway. If you're going to bring someone on who has a penchant for being bitingly witty - you better tell him which subjects to lay off of. If not, you deserve to see Janet Jackson's boobies again. Get it?

We're Coming For You Wilbur

Geez, I miss my Stillers. I just realized I won't get to see them until 8:15 this week. That's a long time to go with no football game! I hope we can continue our winning ways this week and help put another nail in the coffin of Mike "Horseface" Shanahan. Another "genius" coach who was only a genius once TD joined John "Horseface" Elway. Hey, didn't Shannon "Horseface" Sharpe play there as well? Jay Cutler may want to leave town before someone saddles his ass up.

Sheet Yeah

Again, I just find it amusing that someone would take the time to list 1 fitted sheet for a full size bed. Now, maybe if it was a queen........ If you're getting $5 for it, maybe list it - but if you are getting $0 for it, why bother. Please make me understand.

I'll Be Right Over

I love Craigslist. I used it to find and buy a piece of furniture that was no longer being made in the color we needed it in. I also used it to sell my daughter's bike that she outgrew and some furniture that we just replaced. I am an avid Ebay'er, but for some things, it just makes more sense to use Craigslist. That being said, I like to cruise the free stuff for my area. Granted, I've never even had an urge to go pick something up - I'm just fascinated by what some people think someone will go out of their way to pickup for free. I once saw where a lady's cat died and she was giving away 10 lbs of kitty litter. Seriously! It's worth about $2. Throw it away! Why take the risk of having a crazy person show up at your house who now knows that you do not have a protective attack cat watching over you . See, this is how my brain works. That's why I like Ebay. They Paypal me and I mail something to them. Even if I sell it for $2, I don't have to meet them. If I want to sell a couch, yes, I'll take my chances that a psycho will show up at my house and send the wife and child to hide until I check them out.....but if I get the urge to no longer own the 6 yellow plastic knives that were left over from a Steeler party from two seasons ago...I'm going to throw them away. Do I think that someone is out there with 24 yellow spoons, 24 yellow forks and 18 knives going "Damn, now I have to buy another bag of knives to even this shit out." No. Why do I have 6 knives? I don't know. Maybe my wife didn't serve anything that needed to be cut. What happened to the other knives then? I don't know. Plastic knives always seem like they could be useful until you push too hard and they snap forcing you to say something like "Oh, For F's Sake" really loud. Where am I going with this? Oh yeah, this nut is giving away five ice cube trays. Looks like 2 sets of 2 and a bastard. Wtf? Really? WTF? Can't you buy these at the dollar store? Not only that, I bet you get 2 for $1. I'm weird about stuff like that. I wouldn't want my neighbor's ice cube trays, let alone a complete stranger's. Before we had the ice puking freezer, I used to not like those little crumbs that sometimes found their way into one of the tray's bellies. That sucker went right in the dishwasher. Throw them away, you damn pack rat. I bet you can't even find your husband in the house. He's somewhere under the collection of old TV Guides and concord grape jelly packets from the diner. I know The BurghBlog does an excellent job of mining Craigslist for personal ads. I never fail to laugh at those. I may make more of an effort to include funny free things here.

Stick This

Here's another really good business book I just finished. I picked it up strictly based on it's cover one day while I had my daughter at the bookstore. Once I saw that the authors wrote it as kind of a companion to The Tipping Point, I had to read it. It's really good. It breaks down the components of creating better messages. It gives many examples of two attempts to get the same point across.....one obviously being much better than the other. One of the better stories is how Subway's national advertisers passed on the original story of Jared. However, a local Subway refused to give up thinking it was a great story and used it and eventually the national arm came crawling back once they realized their mistake. Another great example was the media blitz on how bad movie popcorn is for your health. The group delivering the message needed the idea to stick so they came up with the idea of visually showing people the amount of fat and cholesterol that was in a normal serving. It had a much greater effect than just writing a number down that doesn't mean much to anyone. The book is loaded with examples like this and the next time you're asked to present something in any context - it will really make you think and try to construct a better message so that your idea will "stick".

Is Smarmy A Word?

I am so sick of this idiot on Football Night in America. The Steelers were off today so I had a fun day alone with my daughter as mom recovered from hosting 11 people last night. We went bowling, then went to the bookstore, then went to Dairy Queen and finally the mall. Anyway - I missed everything that happened in the NFL today. I would just like to see some clips and be updated on what happened today. I don't need this idiot trying out his stand-up routine every week. It's not 1988. He's over. It's old. Bob Costas looks at Keith like a sick puppy dog and guffaws at everything he says which just makes it worse. Then after showing a clip where one of the Bears loses his pants during a tackle, Cris Collinsworth asks both Tiki Barber and The Bus if they ever plaed commando. Riveting. Does anybody have any suggestions as to where highlights can be had without smart-ass comments?

Then

Breasts And Molars

Huh? A 31 year old woman was fondled 6 times over 2 years. She took to wearing high necks and tight shirts but he still got up under her bra. WHAT? How about not going back a second time? He must have some sweet rap that so many women (27) were targeted before charges were even brought against him. 6 times in 2 years. That makes me laugh. Maybe she's just dumb? I'd like to build a website for her. "Hey, what are you doing that for?" "Um, don't worry ma'am, I need to get a feel for your bandwidth so I know if we need a fat pipe".

Ben To Retire?

Good for him!

You Can't Fix Stupid

"You can't fix stupid" is the name of one of Ron White's comedy shows. It's a saying that has really hit home and I hear it more and more these days. Hilary Clinton seems to think you can fix stupid. I'm not calling people who don't save for retirement stupid - for instance, had Chris Farley started saving for his retirement at 21, then he wasted good money that could have been spent on more coke and whores. I don't want to preach, this lesson in Slantedomics isn't about how or why you should be saving for retirement..... The lesson here is that she's trying to give a whale a Tic-Tac for bad breath and she wants people that have earned and saved over their lifetimes to pay for it. If you don't want to read the article, I'll give you just the facts. She thinks Americans aren't saving enough for retirement. I agree. But, I am saving enough for retirement, so I'm not too concerned that Billy & Betty down the street who go on $10,000 vacations and lease $50,000 cars are not. In fact, doesn't the government already have a plan that I pay for called Social Security that deals with this? Anyway - she wants the first $1000 that couples save for retirement to qualify them for a $1000 tax credit. My problem here is that it's not for all couples - just those couples making less than $60k a year. In case your family is in the six-figure domain, you get a $500 tax credit for your first $1000 in savings. If you make more than $100k a year, fend for yourself. There are so many thing wrong with this idea on so many levels that I can't even even list them all. First, it's going to cost $25 billion per year to implement. That's fine for her because she's going to repeal some of the death tax cuts that Bush correctly made to pay for it. Beautiful. So, somebody that accumulated wealth should now pay for someone to get $1000 tax credit? You know what, I might agree with this more if the $1000 was simply added to their existing 401(k) plan, but they get it as a tax credit! If you're truly concerned about them saving for retirement, why not MAKE them put it away for retirement? How about the statement shows $2000 once you put the first $1000 in? Why let them spend it on a Play Station? She says it's time for Americans to accumulate wealth again. Honey, wealth is not found in $1000 tax credits. In the words of Chris Rock....."Shaq isn't wealthy, Shaq is rich. The guy that signs Shaq's paychecks - he's wealthy." Word. Let me tell you something, how many new people are going to start saving for retirement just to get the $1000 tax break? I'm guessing that most of the people who will get this tax break already invest. Let's face it, if you're mid-career and haven't started saving already, you need to pile money away to reach 60-80% of your income through interest when you retire. The plan really is like shooting a spitwad at a Stealth Bomber. It sucks all the way around. It's an equal opportunity sucker. The plan itself sucks, the way it's paid for sucks, and the logic behind it sucks. It's feel good legislation in my opinion. The buzz that comes off of it for the clueless is "Hilary Clinton wants us to retire wealthy and she's going to help us and she's going to rob the uber rich to pay for it....yah!" In the end, it amounts to nothing and adds 11 pages to the already overburdened tax code. There are far too many "if's" in the tax code now. "If you did this and if you earn between this and this and if you if'd your iffer than you can get this but only if you ........". It's maddening. Flat tax me baby. I know I'll pay more with a flat tax than with the current tax code, but I don't care. I'll also do my taxes in 2 minutes. What did you earn? X. please pay X * 17%. Done. No credits. No farm questions. No gambling losses. No divorced kids deciding where they lived for most of the year. No daycare receipts. No medical receipts. No donation sheets. No church vouchers. No hybrid cars. No nothing. After all my deductions last year my effective tax rate was shocking based on where it started. I almost felt bad, until I remembered that a lot of my money is used for socialist programs that usually don't do any good anyway. If my tax dollars went to good, common sense programs, then maybe I'd be singing a different tune. I'm the farthest thing from a socialist or a communist, but if we were going to feed every kid in America - well, that's good. But if we're going to build a kabillion dollar bridge in Alaska to an island where 700 people live - that's bad. Make it so every kid has recess in school - good. Make it so retired Senators have golden parachute for life - bad. See how this works? Children and America's future = good. Greed and political favors = bad. What was my original point again? Oh yeah, Hilary sucks. And it bothers me to think that the best thing they can come up with to make people want to vote for her is a stinking lowly $1000 tax credit after you invest $1000 for retirement. B-O-R-I-N-G. She done needs a new think tank.

Slanted #51

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Loco Ono

Can we please file this under the heading "who gives a shit?". I mean really. To throw in that she has wanted to do this since 1965 and that John thought it was a good idea is such horseshit. I mean, pardon my peace-loving French, but who in their right mind would make a trip to Iceland....Iceland.......to see some crazy peace tower? The world is more violent today than it ever was back in her hippie days. Does she not understand just how irrelevant she is these days? I mean, really. She's like Prince. He acts like it's still 1985 and she thinks it's still 1965. I'll imagine peace just as soon as people stop performing terrorists acts against civilians.

What It's Like To Be A Brown's Fan

I got this link from The Burgh Blog. Hilarious!

Maybe The Whining Will Stop Now

I'm sure the Seachicken fans were licking their beaks this past weekend. They finally got their rematch and this time we were wounded. While they were down only Deion Branch, we were missing Casey Hampton, Troy Polamalu, Hines Ward and Santonio Holmes. The Stillers had every reason to think they couldn't win this game. They could have went in with a bad attitude. Heck, even Hamtpon's backup Chris Hoke was dinged up. I still thought they could win the game - but to totally dominate? 41 minues total possession versus 19? Hilarious. The next time we play the Seachickens, I think we could roll out Don Cannon at quarterback, Myron Cope at tailback and Joe DeNardo at flanker. We beat these punks so completely that Holmgren didn't even have anything to whine about after the game. The whole city of Seattle uses "Hey, did you know Jerome Bettis is from Detroit?" as a rallying cry of sorts to say in their own way that they think the refs helped the Steelers win Super Bowl XL. I think they got more of a feel of just how superior we are to them yesterday. I hope Mike retires after this season. I'm tired of him and his sour puss after every loss.

She Better Watch Out

If the mother of Najeh Davenport's child knows whats good for her, she'll try to stay on his good side. Doesn't she know that if you mess with him, you get his mess? Najeh settles disputes with poops. He'll put one in your shoe for lack of better things to do. You don't agree with his logic? He'll drop one in your closet. When bad feelings linger, you'll find a gorilla finger. Ok, I'm done, this isn't going anywhere.

Gorilla Marketing

Update, Please

What the heck is up with the major networks when they broadcast football games? Aren't companies paying millions of dollars to show us commercials that don't even tell us about the products they are supposed to be selling? Isn't the NFL at it's apex for popularity and dough? Why when they show his stats or introduce the offense do I have to keep seeing Ben Roethlisberger's rookie photo? Why? Why, Lord, Why? I'm tired of seeing it. Can we have something a little more current. At least get one of his bionic face so it looks more like him. This picture makes Ben look like Ben Affleck's cousin that rides the short bus. I like Benny. Benny is a true blue mid-western guy and I like him leading our team instead of a jet setting party guy like Matt Leinhart. Maybe if Matt spent more time with the playbook and less time with models he wouldn't have to share his job with somebody's grandpa! I'm begging the networks, PLEASE use a current photo of our leader!

I Like Dead Offenders

Props to Still A Dad for sending this link to me. It was buried in my inbox, but I finally got around to watching it. I don't mind saying, I think I got a little wood while watching it. I couldn't agree more. I have no tolerance for violent crimes, especially against children. Now that I have a daughter, I know in my heart that if anything (and I mean anything) ever happened to her along those lines - I would gladly spend the rest of my life in prison to make sure justice was served. Creep gets 5 years? On 5 years plus 1 day he gets blown away...by me. Technicality in court? A million dollars says a certain friend of mine (and he knows who he is) has a weapon with no serial number on it wrapped up in a gift box with a bow in my garage the next morning when I come out for "work". I'm in a circle of friends with lots of daughters. I'd drive the getaway car for any one of those guys and help out any way I could. Let that happen in America for 6 months and watch crime go down. You see these people in courtrooms go after criminals after a family member is harmed. In my perfect world they leave the cuffs on the guy and give the family some quality time with him. Criminal's rights? You have the right to get curb-stomped in my opinion........and I'm a law-abiding productive member of society.

Time Machine

It's an image I can't get out of my head. I see it night and day. In my sleep. During work. Doing my daughter's homework.... I see it, Dave's Botox'd face. Homeboy cannot stop smiling. He looks like Nicholson's Joker from Batman. It's creepy almost. I relived another part of my youth last night - attending Van Halen's 3rd show of their reunion tour. As Dave put it "We're 3 parts original and 1 part inevitable". Indeed. If you knew me between the ages 13-18, I was a hardcore Van Halen fan. Heard my first cuts on vinyl in my basement playing ping-pong with cousin Boomer after he bought Fair Warning. I was hooked. I put the brakes on my Kiss collection and started buying VH. By the way, that stereo we listened on? My dad took another turn-table apart and build a new cabinet for it and individual cabinets for the speakers......and yes, it had a quarter taped to the arm to weigh down the needle. Now where was I.....oh yes....my foray into VH.... I couldn't believe it when Dave left. I was shocked. I loved his first solo album and the work by Steve Vai, but I also liked 5150 by Van Hagar. However - after the feuding, bad song writing that came later and childishness, I decided to stop buying anything new and I returned to only listening to the original 6 LPs. I've been waiting for this concert since I was in college. Last night was like a dream....except Dave doesn't look like this anymore....

Every note wasn't perfect, but he was more than capable. If I have one complaint about Dave last night, it was that in some places he was too "schticky". He can't stop smiling and he doesn't prowl the stage anymore. He sings a line seriously and when you look up - he's just smiling away like he's so damn happy he just can't stand it. It was amusing. He did kick ass at the end when he performed some martial arts moves with a flag pole after waving it leading into the encore. Dave is still in fine shape but for whatever reason, instead of seeing the Rock God of the late 70's before me, I kept seeing Fraser Crane. Ed - Ed is a totally different story. Cancer free and supposedly off booze - he looks like the crypt keeper these days. He can flat out play his ass off, but he doesn't have an ass to give away. If I had a son, I would show him what 30 years of hard partying and living does to you. Witness. Yup, that's him. From where I was sitting (and I had fantastic seats, 4th row floor risers) you could trick yourself into thinking Ed looked the same....until the Jumbo Screen put up the close ups. I could still see the very characteristic facial features and smile - but they're hidden under some deep ass wrinkles. His playing is still phenomenal. Other-worldly. Sick. Crazy. At times he willed sounds out of his instrument. With Wolfie on bass and Alex on drums, I was rattled in my seat for songs like "Hot For Teacher" and "Aint Talking 'Bout Love". They played 25 hits. I could have done without two of them. I would have gladly traded "I'll Wait" for any number of songs from 1984. Forced to choose I would have replaced it with "Drop Dead Legs" or "House of Pain". I think I may have yanked "Jamie's Crying" as well. I really missed "Take Your Whiskey Home" and would have loved to heard it instead. On that note, maybe "Jump!" wasn't the best encore song either. To really hardcore VH fans, 1984 is probably their least favorite studio album with DLR on vocals. I think "Everybody Wants Some" should have ended the show as it r-o-c-k-e-d as well. Not sure I can name my favorite song from the night, but again, if forced, I'd say "Unchained" which has always been a favorite of mine. My first garage band "Meltdown" played "Unchained" with Slick Rio not missing a note on the picker, but for whatever reason (youth?) we could never seem to all hit the syncopated beats in the chorus at the same time. I'll never forget that our guitar hero, Rio, wrote the lyrics out incorrectly to this song before we practiced it (no Google in 1987) and we gave him a lot of shit because of it. I remember what he wrote to this day. Instead of "blue eyed murder in a size five dress" he translated "blue eyed murder on a sci fi trail". Those were the days, man. Dave tells a story about growing up with the VH brothers and practicing in bands while strumming blues chords then leading into "Ice Cream Man". He says "I remember it just like it was yesterday and it was September 1972" and the place went crazy. Well, I remember those practices as 4 young guys who loved their rock heroes and worshiped at their feet every chance they had to get together and lay it down. Last night I was the kid again with pictures in his bedroom of Van Halen, KISS, Rush, Judas Priest, Motley Crue, Iron Maiden, Ozzy, AC/DC and many more. Now that I've seen Van Halen live, I've seen all my favorites at least once and that includes Page/Plant tour in the mid 90's doing mostly Zeppelin material. Not quite sure who I'll target next. Oh yeah, here's Eddie 2007....and that's the BEST picture I could find. I'm sure I'm forgetting some stuff so I'll do more tomorrow on the concert. My boys and I had an All Van Halen day today at work as I played every song from the studio Roth albums in order to the folks in the test lab. I also suggest reading "Crazy From The Heat",Dave's autobiography. It will need some updating, but it's very informative. Borrowed that from Pat Phin who text messaged me last night in the middle of the concert to tell me how "kick ass" it was. Yes, it was. Have you seen Wolfie's grades?