I'll Still Take 3-1

Well, the ride had to end at some point I guess. I just wish it wouldn't have ended at the hands of Ken Whisenhunt for the reasons mentioned in a previous article. What an outstanding game to watch if you like defensive football. There were bone crushing hits all over the place. I was really surprised Santonio Holmes hopped right up when he got smacked. It was also good to see him get off the TD goose egg. Some other thoughts from the game:

Tomlin is a calm customer, for sure.

I think Marvel Smith could have been called for False Starts about 42 times. Watch him next week.

Dan Deirdorf is turning into a St. Bernard right before our eyes.

The Cardinals were exceptional at picking up blitzes. Ken knew where they were coming from.

I've haven't seen a front seven handle the Steelers like that in a long time.

Dan stole my thunder, but Ben is crazy out of his skull at avoiding the rush. How he keeps his eyes downfield to find receivers is beyond me.

Was Bruce Arians calling plays or going camping? How much shit did he have attached to him?

Our OL does not have to hang their heads too often, but they have a lot to think about on the flight back.

If Nate is a little faster and/or Ben gets 2 balls closer to him, it's a different game. The failure to score after the deep in the territory turnover is what lost the game essentially.

I would have challenged that call as well. It was slapped out before it was totally set or damn close to it.

McFadden was getting beat on the quick hitch. He never got his guy clean after one of those. DeShea does it routinely.

Going for it on 4th down on your own 30.....now THAT'S aggressive.

Only If It's White, Stupid

I was walking out of The Vet in Philadelphia in the early 90's when some chucklehead called out to me "Go Cry In Your Stupid Towel" after the Eagles beat the Steelers in a preseason game. Good one, Copernicus, I'll have to remember that one. I've been living in Eagles country since 1991 and I've heard about how stupid The Terrible Towel is about 3,428 times. "What's the deal with that towel?" they say. All Steeler fans remember from Super Bowl XL (well, besides the fact that we won) is that in an NFC city, 80% of the crowd was waving a beautiful golden yellow symbol of loyalty. To show how balanced I'm going to be here, I can tell you that I've been a Philadelphia Phillie's fan since I was about 11. I loved Mike Schmidt and Steve Carlton when Dave Parker and Co. ruled the 'Burgh. I went to see them often when I moved out here and followed them very closely in 1993 when "The Dude", Schil, "Dutch" and "The Krukster" took over the city. Where am I going with all of this? Here....Here is where I'm going....

{{{Daily News had a great headline on the Phillies game story, “TOWELELUJAH!” Fans were waving them throughout the night, including when the scoreboard posted five runs for Washington for a 7-6 lead in the fifth inning. The roar of the crowd at that time was something special. The fans are really into it and it certainly adds to the home field advantage.}}}

Hah Wah? Rally Towels? Rally Towels? So let me get this straight....Steeler fans waving towels gets ridiculed....until the Phillies have a chance of making the playoffs and then they COPY the idea and it's no longer stupid....if it's white. Riiiiiiight. Ok. Whatever. My God, at least try to be creative and don't blatantly rip someone else's team off. Every team wants something like the towel to last 35 years...every Sunday. Not some silly promotion that will last frickin' 4 games! Lots will imitate, none will succeed. Suck it, wanna-be's.

Tomlin Needs This One

Everyone surrounding the Steelers matchup this week with Arizona will try to play it off as just another game. In the words of Colonel Potter, "Mule Fritters!". Mike needs this game badly. He needs this game like Rosie O'Donnel needs cupcakes. The Steelers are far superior in talent to the Cardinals, especially on the defensive side of the ball. Should the Steelers lose this week, everyone who questioned Tomlin getting hired instead of Ken Whisenhunt or Russ Grimm will come out of the woodwork to voice their opinion. I don't want to hear it. I originally wanted Grimm for the job when I thought they would only go in-house to fill the position. However, once Mike was hired, I read everything I could about him and I liked what I read....a lot. He is to the point in everything he does. Nothing wasted. Nothing left unturned. The man means business and he captured the players attention on day 1. He challenged Hines Ward to be better than ever and sent him a letter as to what he expected. He's young and he's a football geek, all x's and o's, all the time. So far we've only been involved in blowouts with him so we don't know what he'll do under pressure. We don't know if he'll be aggressive or kick the field goal. We don't know if he'll flip out on the sidelines when we are the ones getting owned. All that being said, I like what I see so far. Focus on the now. Don't look past anyone. Today is the most important day of the season....and tomorrow will be as well. I really want to get behind this coach and give him my support. Will I care if they lose on Sunday? Nah. 3-1 is a good way to start the season. I just don't want to hear the Boo Birds crying that the wrong guy was hired. If you're going to wait until week 4 to say that - why weren't you saying it after the 3 wins as well? The good thing about this being played in Arizona is that their fans suck and I'm betting 20,000 Steeler fans will be in attendance behind Mike. Sure I'd like to be 4-0, but the win over "those two" will mean so much more.

Suk & Phuk

Last week when that plane crashed in Thailand, I couldn't stop giggling over the province's name - Phuket. How did someone with my sense of humor and penchant for giggling miss that one? I don't even care how you are supposed to pronounce it, I went to YouTube to watch people mangle it - and mangle it they did. I could just imagine them saying "Earlier today a plane crashed in Thailand near Foookay...I mean Foka...I mean Faaa...Oh F*ck it!". Yes, exactly! And the other day at work as I'm planning my week I see that one of the days is (I guess) a Jewish Holiday called "Sukkot". Again, I do my best Butthead impersonation "huh-huh...huh......huh-huh......Suck It". A quick trip to Wikipedia tells me that Sukkot is:

"Also transliterated as Succoth or Sukkos) and also known as the Feast of Booths, the Feast of Tabernacles, Tabernacles, the Season of Our Happiness, the Feast of Ingathering, or simply The Feast"

The Feast Of Booths? What the hell does that mean? I feasted in a booth last night at Texas Roadhouse. Does that count? Succoth? That's just as funny as Sukkot! You sir, Sucketh. Feast Of Ingathering? I thought they only do that in West Virginia? These Jewish Holidays are tough, man. Lots of rules. Lots of derivations. I'm almost afraid to turn my calendar at work next week for fear of what I'm going to find.

Vick: Up In Smoke

He really is as dumb as he looks. With no room for errors, now he pulls (or drags) this. Rumor has it he and Ricky Williams are headed to Amsterdam right after the trial.

I'm The Best Daddy...EVAR!

I never saw a concert until I was about 17. I went to see Whitesnake the year they toured with Steve Vai on lead guitar. Sweet. I remember though an opportunity to see KISS in their hey-day with Ted Nugent and I got rejected by the parental units. Also had a few other chances to go to some shows when I was younger - but never got to go until I was in college. My little Princess got to see her first concert last year - The Cheetah Girls. She went with a group of girls she has been friends with forever and they had a great time with their moms. Ever since Hannah Montana debuted on The Disney Channel - she's been a devout fan. We have every episode DVR'd and I have to admit - I find a lot of humor in them myself. I love Jackson, Miley's older brother. He kills me. We also have every song that iTunes offers, including a holiday song and one or two that aren't on a CD. My little super star got an iPod for Christmas last year and just loves music and singing. She wore out 2 toy microphones so we actually bought her a real one with a little kick amp for her birthday 2 years ago. She sings for everyone who comes over and for any talent show she can enter. So, when I hear Miley Cyrus is touring with The Jonas Brothers as the opening act, I hop online a few months ago to scope it out. I see that you can get tickets four days early if you join the website fan club Miley's World for $29.95. I think about how $30 is less than half a meal at Outback and how happy she would be to be there and up-close so I drop the cabbage and wait. I recently scored tickets for Van Halen's third show which is next Monday by being vigilant at 10 AM the day tickets went on sale. I had 6 browsers open and trying to connect at the same time. Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus tickets went on sale for fan club members on a work day. Rats! Who knows if I'd get pulled into a meeting or something? I had to do something. I worked a half day. That's right. I hate the place anyway. I've been there 4 months and it's career suicide. Anyway - I said I would VPN in later to make up the hours. I hopped online at 9:45 with my Club Code in front of me and opened up 6 browsers. I had another dad on speaker phone who was trying as well. You think I'm a slacker? He is the top dog, big cheese of his company and now knows that if I ever work for him...I may take a half day at some point to make sure my daughter is happy! At 10:00:01 AM the link on browser #1 changed from MORE INFO to FIND TICKETS. I clicked that SOB as fast as I've ever clicked anything before and typed like there was no tomorrow. I got 4 tickets on my first attempt. My homeboy? No luck. The club tickets sold out in about 2 minutes. No fear. I'm going back online Saturday when they open to general population and I'm getting 4 more for my boy. If he scores his own I have Plan B. 14 tickets were on Stub Hub 10 minutes after the sale started and they started at $450 each. Not saying someone will buy them at that price.....especially if I put 4 out for $200 each. The concert is after Christmas in Atlantic City...should Santa bring the tickets? What? And miss this payoff??? I couldn't wait to get home because my wife was allowing me to tell her since I got the tickets. I thought she was going to cry she was so happy. She gave a big hug and said all I needed to hear, "Thanks, Daddy". It was SO sincere she melted my heart. Back to biting sarcasm and filthy language tomorrow.

Guest Post: Still A. Dog on Mike Gundy

Everybody seems to have an opinion on the Mike Gundy rant that's #1 with a bullet on YouTube.

So as the Steel City Slant resident college football commentator here's my 2 cents. Mike Gundy was a real good QB at Oklahoma State. He appears to be a pretty good college coach too (the upset 2 weeks ago against Troy State notwithstanding).

My first recollection of Mike Gundy was as OK State QB against my beloved West Virginia Mountaineers in the 1987 Sun Bowl played on Christmas day. OK State had both Thurman Thomas AND Barry Sanders and won a 35-33 track meet because West Virginia, led by RB A.B. Brown and QB Major Harris, missed a 2 point conversion with just over a minute to play. Despite having these two future hall-of-fame RBs, the OK State squad was clearly led by their QB, Gundy.

OK, that's the Gundy background (pun intended). And now for mine. I have both written for, and been interviewed by, newspapers covering sports. I can honestly say I have NEVER been accurately quoted in any article in which I was interviewed... EVER. Furthermore, some articles in which I submitted the truth in writing was edited to the point that it's accuracy became suspect. Matterafact (thanks Joey T.) they didn't spell my name right half the time either.

So when Mike Gundy goes to bat for his player who some dim-bitch newspaper woman basically called out as a pussy, I'm in his corner. She, like every other sportswriter I ever met, probably doesn't have the facts. Her conclusion is wrought with speculation and opinion. And besides, the coach has more right to call one of his players a momma's boy, not the newspaper... and he isn't doing it (at least not in public).

The wall between the media and sports figures can now be built ever higher. If all we wanted to know was the score and the stats I suppose we'd be fine. But mixing this "human interest" with football doesn't blend well especially when the writer bases her work on rumor, heresay, and any other story source that fits her agenda.

Bottom line is OK State players know Gundy has their back. And that will go a long way for him. PR blunder? Perhaps, but I for one am glad he called a spade a spade and went as far as to call it a god-damn shovel. This needed to be said and people needed to hear it. Mike Gundy is the man!

Here's the link to the newspaper article to be put in as "called out as a pussy" http://newsok.com/article/3131543 but I can't connect to it right now.Here's the YouTube video of the rant. http://youtube.com/watch?v=5VytIZZzee0

From Still A Fan: Click Here to see Jenni Carlson's response.

Thanks, Dog! Interesting Story!

Darth Vader Plays The Blues

This is funny! Click the big green play button to see the video clip.

Thoughts From Game 3

Tony Siragusa is a fat piece of shit. Let's just get that out in the open. Thank God for DVR as I was able to go back and watch the clip over and over without even requesting to tape the game. When Moose and Albert threw it down to Fatso right before the kickoff, he said (and I quote) "The PISSburgh Steelers.....". I caught it instantly. I hit backwards and watched it again..."PISS". I watched it again..."PISSburgh". That fat mother hubbard threw in a slam against the Steelers - who beat his ass repeatedly as a Colt and a Raven. If anyone DVR'd the game - go back and watch the beginning. The only excuse he could have is if his fat tongue got in his way and made him mispronounce it.

Another dominating win. Good performances all around. Some random thoughts:

Hines Ward may have seen his last 100 catch season.

Willie Parker is learning how to break tackles. He smacked right into a few would be tacklers today and bounced off of them.

Have we finally figured out that when you can run and have good receivers....the tight end is going to be open? Wow. I saw Heath Miller throw a hellacious block today as well. His catch (non-catch) on the sideline was exciting even if he only got one foot down. The TD catch by Tuman looked just like the Spaeth catch last week. It may have been the same play.

I watched both Najeh and Willie pick up blitzes and both did it rather well.

Chris Hoke was on the field quite a bit today. If Tomlin goes 4-3 next year will he be the 4th DL?

I don't watch college football so maybe Dog can speak to this - but if Rossum is indeed our shiny new kick returner...is Willie Reid a good enough receiver to warrant a roster spot? I loved seeing Roethlisberger being the first person out to congratulate him after the return.

I absolutely CANNOT wait until the Monday Night Football game against the hated Ravens that Dog and I will be attending.

Duct Tape'll Fix That

I live in a nice area. I swear I do. The county I live in and two bordering counties always duke it out for the wealthiest county in the state. The other two usually end up 2 & 3. It shocks me then that I have to pass this every day on my way to and from work. It's not in our town, but it's within 10 miles. Look at the other landscaping - it's nice. No time you say? Haven't gotten around to it yet, you say? How about it's been like that since the day I started my new job - May 14th. Duct tape? Heck, why not smear some caulk down on that platform and just sit a brick in the mailbox until it dries? A conservative estimate for the worth of the house is probably $350K. It's a decent sized rancher with what looks like maybe 1/2 acre. I am not kidding when I say this and Still A. Dad can back me up because he helped me....but when we bought our 2nd house a few years ago - the FIRST THING I did was rip out the two dying shrubs around our loose mail post. I replaced the post and cemented in a new iron one and also replaced the box. I trimmed the area with Bavarian cobblestones and planted new shrubs. Instant upgrade! Curb appeal, baby, it's all about the curb appeal. Well, Still A Dad can also attest to my neighbor a few houses down the street (I don't know him from Adam, but I don't think he was born in the US) taking real good care of his landscaping.

His block wall caved in and fell over about 2 years ago on the corner. I'm guessing due to poor construction! Anyway - it's been like that ever since. I've been wanting to show pics here for a long time and I thought it would be funny to time/date stamp them and show them every month or every week. I finally had the chance today as I was out very early to go to the office for a few hours. I had my camera with me to take the mailbox shot. On the way out of my driveway I cranked the window down, turned out the flash and clicked away. What's wrong with people? That wall would take about 20 minutes to make it SO much more pleasing. Maybe an hour or two to do it correctly. Why on God's green Earth do you build a wall, only to let it fall over a year later and then allow it to just lay there like that for over 2 years? Why? Why, Lord, why? I just do not understand. Yes, I read 7 Habits and I understand all about paradigms. But c'mon people! Hey, I have an idea. Maybe when Still A Dad and Still A Unc are here for Thanksgiving, we can walk down the street and fix the stupid thing for the guy. Show some pride in yourself and your property you ass hat (my fav new insult if you didn't notice). I learned from my Dad and he learned from his - a clean car and a tidy yard says a lot more about you than a filthy car and grass up to your knees. I used to mow my grandfather's yard after he could no longer do it and after he passed away. My grandmother would walk out to inspect my work when I was done and point out the spots I missed! SHOW SOME PRIDE! You paid a lot of frickin' money for the house - fix your curb appeal! Like someone pretty wise just said in the comments the other day...you can fix your curb appeal, but you can't fix stupid.

Go Ahead And.......

So if you are a regular reader, you know all about the TPS report I produce for my new company. The last time I mentioned it I said how widely it was being used by the upper end of the totem pole. As more and more people were added to the distribution list, one guy started to irk me. Let me rephrase - one guy who is used to getting his own way started to irk me. You see, he's on the business side of my company. IS works for him. He was a Johnny Come Lately to the report - yet he wanted changes made to it. I don't normally sit at me desk as I prefer a test lab close to my area. Dude called me three times in one day and I didn't get any of his messages. It was hilarious to hear the playbacks as it sounded like Lumbergh calling Peter at home when he was supposed to work on a Saturday. I didn't even call the guy back the next morning when I got the calls. He wanted another column added to the report and I guess I was supposed to either be impressed or intimidated that he was "looking" for me. I was neither. When he finally got through to me in the lab, he didn't so much ask as he told me to please add the column. I told him I couldn't that I was told by my boss who was out for a few days to not make any changes as multiple people were using it and changes would have implications. Also, a simple column addition was a big deal at this point because the report is created by cutting & pasting native results from one piece of software into Excel and then about 12 macros are run on the data. One column screws up everything at this point. Keep in mind while all of this is going on our software is going live within a month and there are hundreds (yes hundreds) of outstanding defects that everyone should be focused on. This guy calls my boss's boss to try to get the column added! Hilarity ensues. There is a meeting of giant egos and it's rumored my boss's boss walked out of the meeting in a huff after neither would budge. Yes, my report is so important that everyone wants to customize it.....which I already did. Every column on every tab is auto-filtered. This leads to more fun. Ego #1 got his panties in such a bunch that who knows what strings were pulled but suddenly it became a top priority of mine to get him his column....because if you don't play by my rules, I'll take my ball and go home. I added the column. Next, grumpy pants decides he needs the TPS report by 7:30 AM every morning. I already work 7-4 but told my uppers that I wasn't comfortable with promising this report by 7:30 AM every day as part of the beauty of working 7-4 is that you can't be late. Rumor has it my name came up in an email along with the words "not being flexible". Now if I respected any of these people - that might have hurt my feelings. However, I'm pretty damn confident that if you put the other interested parties in one room and me in another and summed all IQs much like a column in a spreadsheet - I would still come out on top. My boss (not to be confused with my boss's boss) told me not to worry about it and just do it as soon as I get in every day. The more I think about the request the more I let it bother me. The ying to my yang, the beautiful Mrs. Fan, tells me to put a read receipt on the email every morning with the report. Genius. I will see if Mr. Pompous Pants in fact does read the report the second he gets in every day. I don't want to bore you with the two weeks that I tracked, but it suffices to say that it was read before 8:00 AM exactly twice in that period and on some days the email was deleted without even being opened. Alas, I was checkmated though as a mysterious request came in from up above to drop the report in a network folder every day so I didn't have to email it out to the distribution list any longer. This made me smile as I was at minimum inside his head a little bit. In another meeting, I was asked to filter one tab of the report 4 different ways, then cut and paste those results into another spreadsheet and email them to such and such who needed those numbers. If you know me, I'm not very good at hiding my "Why the f*ck would I do that?" face which I'm sure washed across my face as a micro-expression before I calmly explained that EVERY COLUMN IS AUTOFILTERED and whomever gets the report can FILTER ANY COLUMN they want to see those results themselves with no extra work on anyone's part. The person making the request thought for a second and told me that they understood but needed to hold this person's hand with things. Then it hit me....the person making the "WTF" request gets the report every day but they themselves didn't know how to garner the information requested by using the filtered tabs. So, now I find myself slicing and dicing the report I created (in such a manner so that stuff like this didn't have to be done) to be customizable. Sigh. Heavy Sigh. On a final note (until next week) regarding the TPS report - my team was asked for something by Saturday morning (today) which we were trying to finish up yesterday. I am not making this up. I swear. At around 2 PM the application went kablooey in the region we were doing our task. My associate sent out an urgent email to our boss and our boss's boss and some other people who may be able to quickly get the problem resolved. We waited an hour with no response. I replied to all on the email that we needed this resolved so we could finish the task at hand. Ah, an email from one of the big guys....surely the problem is resolved so we can get working again on verifying the very buggy software before release. Nope. One row of the TPS report (out of over 2,000) looks like it's shifted one column to the right. Can I please get this resolved before I leave? No kidding. In the grand scheme of things, one line of the TPS report should matter about .000001% to the entire company right now....unless you're in upper management I guess. I've been in IT/IS for 17 years now in all capacities. I have never seen anything like this. Serenity Now!

Was "The Killer" The First Headbanger?

This is cool Daddy-O. And what the hell is hanging from Keith Richard's hair/hat in this jam session with Jerry & Kid Rock?

What?

SI has a short article this week where there are a lot of quotes from Cleveland Brown's GM Phil Savage. After posting 51 points against the Bungles he's going off saying they have arrived and this was a statement game and everything they've been doing has lead up to this. (Hear those crickets chirping?) You GAVE UP 45 POINTS you ass clown! Jamal Lewis ran for 200 something yards. He had 36 against Pittsburgh. The team had 45 against Pittsburgh. Is this man insane? How do you proclaim shit like that when you got your ass handed to you just a week ago? Arrived? Arrived? My goodness, I need to go to bed. That makes my head hurt to even think about it.

Please Tell Me They're Kidding

I cannot believe some of the crap I'm reading tonight on this past week in football. Some of it makes me want to fall over laughing, it's that bad. First, here is a snippet from an article from SI.com about Bill Belichick and Spygate after their game Sunday night:

[The Patriots dominated the Chargers 38-14 without the video camera and many of Belichick's players expressed affection for him after the game.

Kraft gave him the game ball.

"I appreciated it. It's a nice gesture. The most important thing is to put that (game) behind us," Belichick said. "It's time to move on."]

Kraft gave him the game ball? Huh? Are you kidding me? He embarrassed the entire organization and forever cast a shadow of doubt on their legacy. For this, he receives a game ball? It just goes to show you that results matter. Wait, results are the only thing that matters.

Next, here is a snippet from Donovan McNabb's appearance on HBO Real Sports where he's talking about black quarterbacks being under more scrutiny than their white counterparts:

[Asked if white quarterbacks such as Peyton Manning and Carson Palmer are held to the same standards, McNabb replied: "Let me start by saying, I love those guys. But they don't get criticized as much as we do. They don't."]

You Ass Hat! The mistake you are making is putting yourself at their level. Ask freaking Rex Grossman if white quarterbacks get scrutinized enough. Better yet, ask Charlie Frye who got cut after one bad performance this year. The balls of this guy to make that statement. The balls! Ask Joey Harrington about critics. Ask David Carr. What a giant moron he is. Don't make me laugh.

MAME

A new grass roots movement is out to rid shopping malls of escalators after countless incidents involving 'Crocs' type shoes and younger children. The group is going by "MAME" or more simply - Mothers Against Mall Escalators. Read about it here. Ok, I made up the MAME part, but I think it's damn funny.

Steeler Stats

Peter King listed Pittsburgh at #5 on his Fine Fifteen today. He then made a statement that is ridiculous: "Concentrate on the fact the Steelers are playing terrific, bone-crunching, Bear-like football". Bear-like? Bear-like? The Steelers have been one of if not the most physical team in the league since 1972. That's 35 years of kicking the shit out of people. Even in the years when they were 6-10 they still punished people. Bear-like? I sweat the man has a gripe with the Stillers and just prints stuff like that to tweak people like me. Oh well, Tubby McButterpants is probably just mad he didn't grow up in the cradle of football. On to some stats....

Total offense 7th. Least Penalized 3rd. Points 5th. Passing 10th. Rushing 2nd. Total Defense 4th. Pass Defense 3rd. Rush Defense 7th. Sacks 1st.

Good numbers all around. Remember, even though they didn't make the payoffs last year, they were one of only 4 teams to finish in the top 10 in both offense and defense. I'm smelling playoffs. I hope in a few weeks I'm smelling division title. Maybe by Halloween.

Bills say "Check, Please"

In a total destruction of the Bills, I don't even think 5 plays stand out as being memorable. It was just a methodical dismantling. Willie Parker ran crazy and Ben was again efficient. Maybe the biggest play that stands out to me was very early in the game when Willie Parker busted off a 21 yard run and the announcer (not sure if it was Solomon or Ian) kept saying it was Najeh Davenport. Even after Willie stood up with his "39" facing the camera - he kept saying "Davenport". It was amusing to even think Najeh could get to the corner and turn it up for 21 yards. I even took a power nap heading into halftime. And yes, I may have to rethink my position on Matt Spaeth. I watched Mahan in action more this week and he's very impressive turning his guy away from the ball carrier. Until we play some better competition - it's hard to get a handle on the team we have right now. I'll say this...they're making the playoffs.

Peter King Surprises Me

By writing this today. He actually did the right thing and I didn't think he would. I still wouldn't be surprised if King called him and said something like "you know I have to grill you, right?".

Cheaties!

I went to SI.com tonight to see what all was written about the Patriot's spy scandal. Every writer for the NFL had a short story and Dr. Z had a long one. They all questioned a lot of things and condemned the practice with the exception of course of Peter King. His article just stated the facts and had no opinions or denouncements. Why? He's Bill's lap dog, that's why. He knows Belichick will cut him off from future endeavors. What a wuss.

What Can Pat Do?

I read this week that George Bush wants to stand Pat on his Iraq directives. I guess it's a good thing the US Military installed the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy. Good luck in Iraq, Pat, and God speed.

Mining Article On OneWorld

The headline reads "Mining Projects Need Stiffer Standards - Report". Shouldn't it read "Mining Projects Need Stiffer Supports"? (shrugs)

Wal-Mart Changes Slogan

Wal-Mart changed their 19-year-old slogan today from "Always Low Prices" to "Save Money. Live Better." Funny it was their slogan for that long because I had no idea....and I was once a stock holder. "Live Better?" They should have changed it to "Raise Stress". We used to go to Wal-Mart for 99% of our staple items: toilet paper, paper towels, soap, shampoo, razors, shaving cream, paper plates, tissues, cat food, cat litter, light bulbs....etc. We were on a mission and knew where everything was. We were in and out in 30 minutes. The thing is, they started over stuffing the store we go to, the aisles were like Rosie O'Donnel's arteries after eating some KFC. When you did find an aisle that wasn't blocked with merchandise, there would be a 300 pound woman to contend with who usually had her 6 or 7 monster children in tow. One day we finally saw the light, and the light was in the shape of a bulls eye. We switched to Target a few years ago for all of our staple needs. It's a world of difference. Yes, the total at the checkout may be $10 or more on a visit, but I simply don't care. The parking is better. The layout is better. The help is better....and there is considerably more mom eye candy and less mom monsters. That being said, here is my list of 5 slogans they should have went with:

5. Marginally Better than K-Mart
4. Hey, Didn't K-Mart go under?
3. You Save Money When We Hire Dropouts For Marketing
2. Hiring The Disabled As Greeters since 1986
1. No, The Checkers ARE NOT Disabled

Me, On King

I started this blog as a way to spew my Steeler rants and raves without emailing them out every time I felt the need...which got to be pretty often. Since I know some of you guys read Peter King as well, I thought I'd write a tribute article this week. Sort of like when a band named "Black Diamond" plays nothing but Kiss songs. And I know Still A Dog will protest and say that I should just stop reading......I can't. I'm like a west coast granola eating liberal who can't stop watching The O'Reilly Factor just so they have something to complain about. For every three or four 7-page articles I read...I take away 1 or 2 sentences that are actually worth my while. I know this...... as a TV commentator, he's not even a good magazine writer. So, if you read his MMQB and MMQB Tuesday Editions every week, you'll "get" the article. If you don't read him, this won't make a lot of sense to you but you still may find it amusing.

------------------------------------------------------------------------
-New York

Tom Brady Brady Brady Brady Tom Brady Brady Brady Brady Tom Bill Tom Brady Brady Brady Belichick Brady Brady Godlike Tom Tom Tom Tom Tom Brady Brady Belichick Bill Tom Brady Peyton Peyton Brady Tom Manning Peyton Manning Manning Manning Cut That Meat Manning Peyton Peyton Brady Tom Belichick Manning Peyton Brady Moyahan Brady Tom Manning Peyton Tom Brady Peyton Manning Bill Belichick .

Me Dungy Peyton Called Brady Tom Peyton Me Called Tom Manning Peyton Archie Tom Pats Colts Colts Pats Tom Brady Peyton Manning Tom Colts Pats Chargers Tom Brady Manning Me Dungy LT Tom Peyton Manning Belichick Walsh Colts Pats Brady Chargers Brees Saints Katrina Brady Peyton Peyton Tom Belichick Me Dungy Tom Brady Hookers Brees Saints Manning Dungy Me Dungy Peyton Iraq McGuire manning Tom Brady Hookers Iraq McGuire IEDs Brady Manning Peyton Saints Dungy Suicide Katrina Brady Tom.

The Fine Fifteen
1. Pats
2. Colts
3. Red Sox
4. Pats (2nd String)
5. Chargers
6. Pats (Practice Squad)
7. Colts (2nd string)
8. Ravens
9. Chargers (2nd String)
10. Cowboys
11-15. Doesn't even matter

Quote of the Week I

"Peyton Manning can beat you with one hand, his left" - Peter King

Quote of the Week II

"Tom Brady hopping on one foot is a close second" - Peter King

Quote of the Week III

"Fools, The other 30 starting QBs, all of them. Bring me a donut." - Peter King

The Award Section

Offensive Player of the Week - Peyton Manning.

Defensive Player of the Week - Tom Brady for allowing the Pats D to practice so well during the week against his brilliant performance as Chad Pennington.

Factoid That May Only Interest Me - I have a strange attraction to Tom Brady and somehow know I would feel safe in his arms if he ever held me.

5 Things I Think I Think

1. Peyton Manning Can Do No Wrong.
2. I'm fond of donuts.
3. Tom Brady is hot.
4. I want Bill Belichick to like me.
5. I can't see my feet.

Travel Note

Hotel Gym Cost Charge Air Aisle Gym Cost Aisle Seat Fat Gym Air Jet Coach Starbucks Hotel Aisle Screaming Kids Gym Hotel Planes Ticket Air Coffee Frappa Mocha Plane Air Hotel gym Charge Laptop Aisle Fat Ticket Coffee Shots Syrup Escorts Gym Coach 1st Class Starbucks Seattle Coffee Laptop Coach Starbucks Barista Peanuts Hotel Mary Beth Gym Treadmill Hotel Laptop Coffee Frappa Latta Grando Plane Aisle Fat Cell Phone Plane Escort Starbucks Coffee Gym Hotel Airport Security Coach Shoes Aisle Gym Treadmill Strip Search Hotel Gym laptop Girdle Seattle Coach Seats Aisle Fat Mocha.

Bills Will Be Possessed

When I first saw our schedule, I was licking my chops at the first few weeks. Buffalo usually plays Pittsburgh strong, but usually loses as well. After the devastating injury to Kevin Everett, now we're not facing the same Bills team. That team is going to come out on fire. Make no mistake about it, when injuries like this happen, there is usually a rallying cry right behind it (unless you're the Browns of course...that is an entirely different kind of crying). I can hear the speeches in the locker room now. I can see it if the Bills are within one score late in the game...."Do it for Kevin". I feel horrible for the man and his family and I even feel bad for his teammates. I wish it never happened, but since it did...couldn't it have waited one more week? Those dudes are gonna by hyped.

Cindy Sheehan Pulls A Michael Jordon

Yawn.

Another Ass Hat

Am I missing something? Really, Am I? Keith Olbermann, Mr. Bleeding Heart Liberal Puke, is so yesterday's news with the highlight clips. He thinks it's 1991 and he's still funny. Listen, you twit, just tell me what's going on in the clips...better yet, don't, I bet I know the players better than you do. You think the story is you doing the clips. It's not. I don't give a damn about your supposed wit or your supposed IQ. I want my Prime Time back on ESPN with Chris Berman and Tom Jackson. It takes 5 people to do their job and somehow they manage to muck that up. Bob Costas used to be very professional but now they have him out grinding the monkey box punching a John Madden parody on FOX earlier in the day and then faux falling all over his lover, Keith. Please. Tiki Barber is OK I guess, but I've never liked Chris Collinsworth and Jerome Bettis doesn't really add any real insight...at least not yet anyway. Can everybody please stop being so cutesy? Like I need Keith and his vocabulary to tell me about the Jets fans cheering Pennington's injury. Shut the bleep up you smug smug smarmy smug man. Damn. Shut up.

Cleveland Eliminated from 2007 Playoffs

This game almost wasn't fair. It looked like a pro team versus a Division II college team - and that might be insulting some Division II college teams! Most facets of the game were running on all cylinders. Ben had some problems in the 2nd and early 3rd quarters, but some of the issues were drops as well. The 3rd down efficiency on offense disappeared at one point - but I'm not sure you can blame the team. I think they were a little bored. Still, 4 TDs against 0 picks is a good day for anyone. Parker hit the corners hard. Najeh went up the middle well. The entire defense made the Cleveland O line look like Jell-O. Our shiny new punter didn't get to really leg one out because we were always so close to their goal line. He was able to kill it inside the 10 very effectively. All-in-all, I'm not sure if there is anything to critique. I may have to wait until the Buffalo game. Some random thoughts: other than Cleveland will be picking first next year in the 2008 draft.

It took Colon all of 3 minutes to get into a fight. That's great until it costs us a penalty. Look how many yards Joey Porter cost us last year in critical situations. Joey who? Oh, he used to play for the Stillers.

Roethlisberger to Ward for the first TD was a thing of beauty. How can you defend that?

Anthony Smith loves to hit people. Loves to.

I was pleased to see Alan Whaaneca getting excited over big plays and scoring. I was afraid he might go in the emotional tank. He needs to play well to get his next contract so that's on our side.

It was good to see somebody (Rossum) catching balls cleanly in the return game.

Willie Parker needs some Stick'um. Fumbles don't matter much in a romp, but he certainly is prone to fumbling.

I don't remember seeing much of Sean Mahan. I'm thinking as the center....that's fine with me.

Did you see Timmons pop that guy on the kickoff? Nice aggressiveness.

2 Tight End TDs and to different ones to boot. When is the last time THAT happened?

Tomlin's demeanor was very even. Very professional guy. I don't know the guy and I've never heard him even speak, but Bruce Arians seems a little cocky to me. Maybe it's just me, but whenever I see him, that's what it makes me think.

Najeh almost looked like The Bus on that one play. Hard running. Running like he means it. I love it.

Analyst Shmanalyst

I cannot understand a goddamn word that Shannon Sharpe says. Not a goddamn word. How does he keep his job? I'd rather have his screaming brother on the set...oh yeah...that won't matter next week because I'm turning on the TV at 12:59. These guys ruined my enthusiasm for the beginning of the season. ESPN had a countdown for the kickoff at 45 minutes or so out. Huh? Some comments: Chris Berman is a caricature of himself at this point. At least he's tolerable. Mike Ditka can't complete a sentence. He starts them...just doesn't finish them. Keyshawn Johnson is actually pretty good. I'm pleasantly surprised. Tom Jackson knows more than anybody on TV. I'd love to sit down and talk football with him. He's very knowledgeable. Emmitt Smith is a flaming idiot. An idiot, I say. I would love to know what his IQ is. I'm guessing about 10 points above mentally challenged. He just opined for 5 minutes on why the Chargers will have to wait 2 years to win because when you get a new staff it takes that long for everyone to get on the same page even though they have all kinds of talent. Keyshawn looked at him and asked what happened in year one when Barry Switzer took over for Jimmy Johnson. Apparently Dumb Emmitt wasn't ready for that question because he looked like normal - a deer caught in the headlights. On to CBS....I already spoke about Shannon...I think he has pictures of the head of CBS. Dan Marino is "Ok" I guess, nothing special. Bill Cowher took it easy today and didn't say much. Boomer Esiason thinks he owns the set. He's pretty knowledgeable, but he talks too much. CBS is also copying "Jacked Up" by having the McDonald's "Pounders". Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Cowher picked the Vikings as his surprise team and said the QB reminds him of Kordell Stewart. Yes, he said exactly that! My goodness. When they went out to the guys doing the games...I almost laughed at Dan Dierdorf. He looks more and more like a St. Bernard every year. I think I heard him "Woof!". The FOX staff is decent, but they laugh too much at stupid stuff that isn't even funny. Howie is the best of the crew, Bradshaw is decent, Jimmy Johnson is turning into Ditka. Oh well, on to the games.

Not Hot For Teacher

Ew. Another one. Yucky.

Booty Booty Booty Booty Booty on the Flo

A nice Mash-Up video put to Disney animation.

Jerry Lewis Has TIA Onstage

Jerry Lewis should have claimed he had a TIA on stage the other night when he said "illiterate faggot". He is 81 you know...maybe he just had a mind slip? Anyway, he apologized today and said what he meant to say was "buck toothed ass-banging queer", thusly avoiding the "F" word which got another actor in trouble this year. If people would have been paying attention, there might have also been a racial slur involved as the person he was making fun of was named "Jesse". I don't know about you - but when I read "Jesse, the illiterate faggot..." Jesse Jackson's picture springs to mind. That's probably because of his Rainbow Coalition association as I get all those Coalitions mixed up and I figure the gay community would like all those pinks and pastels in the rainbow spectrum. Then I say something like "spectrum", which rhymes with "rectum"......oh, you get the picture......

White House Party

I can't stop making these things. God help me. I haven't left the house all day. I'm trying to find a way for the software to pick up my cat's faces. What grouping will I come up with next? There isn't a good news story right now involving 4 people. I guess I'll have to wait.

If this starts up with the other one that is embedded on the page, simply pause one.

White House Jam

I'm going to try some cartoon characters next...or maybe Rosie O'Donnel and Rosanne....or, or, or.....

Kendall Simmons Signs

Simmons signed an extension today which gives him this year plus 4 more years for as much as $24 million with incentives figured in. Bonus money was close to $8 million. I can't say I'm not shocked by this, but since it's Alan Whaaa-neca's last year, I guess it makes sense. He is also now the backup center as well. I'm guessing next year Kemoeatu will replace Alan and we will continue to roll along. I'm also betting that Max Starks will get the rest of this year and next camp to practice at the other end position and then he and Trai Essex will battle to see who will start there next year. If his contract isn't already up after the season, I'm not sure Marvel Smith can hold off two youngsters. None of my pet projects were signed to the practice squad. Hrumph!

Miss Teen South Carolina Redux

Damn, this guy is funny.

Yeah, Perfectly Normal.....

Wow. I posted this a few months ago. Looks like I couldn't have hit the nail on the head any harder. Check this dude out on the Jimmy Kimmel show. How uncomfortable. Why on Earth would his parents put him through that? Jimmy is trying to squeeze something out of him...anything....but the kid just doesn't pick up on sarcasm or humor. Good thing he's home schooled - it saves him from getting his ass kicked on a daily basis. I really feel sorry for him. This one is even worse.... Ed Grimly anyone?

Child's Play....Get It?

I had no idea. Thanks for the link Still A. Dad. Makes you wonder how many hours went into chasing the music dream instead of being the best center possible. Well, I wish him only the best.

Day Of The Turk

The Stillers got down to business today by getting down to their final 53-man roster. There weren't too many surprises, if any if you've been paying attention. Tomorrow after 12 noon they will be able to sign 8 players back for their practice squad. Let's take a look at who got whacked like a weed.

First off WR Dallas Baker, TE Cody Boyd, TE Jon Dekker, WR Gerran Walker and WR Walter Young. No surprises there. Matt Spaeth did nothing (and I repeat nothing to earn a roster spot), but he did. The new regime doesn't want to admit an error in the 3rd round I guess. This leaves a decent enough group of receivers in Ward, Nate Washington, Santonio Holmes, Willie Reid, Cedric Wilson and Miller, Tuman and Spaeth at TE. I guess coach Tomlin isn't sold at all on Willie Reid returning punts and/or kickoffs because we traded a conditional pick next year for return specialist Allen Rossum of Atlanta. I remember watching him quite a bit when he was with Philly. Hope the burst is still there after 10 seasons.

The first "surprise" cut was Chukky Okobi. Sean Mahan won out as predicted and it was determined that Okobi makes too much to be a career backup. They also cut the only other center on the roster - Marvin Philip. I guess Kendall Simmons did well enough in camp that he will be the replacement center if there is an injury. Other OLs cut were Jason Capizzi, Cameron Stephenson and Brandon Torrey. The OL will be Mahan, Starks, Colon, Smith, Faneca, Kemoeatu, Simmons & Essex. I'm surprised Trai Essex made the team. He must have played much better down the stretch. Good for him.

Verron Haynes couldn't overtake the youngsters and Dick Hoak wasn't here to vote for John Kuhn - one of my favorites from last year. On the plus side - Danny Kreider makes the team. Cool. Backs are Parker, Davenport, Kreider, Gary Russel and Cary Davis. That's a lot of undrafted running backs!

There were no major surprises in the defensive backfield or linebackers either. That being said, I love Chidi Owuoma and I hope he catches on with another team. Maybe his base salary is getting too high for his number of years to make the team as only a special teamer. Chidi rarely gets into a game playing corner and I suppose there is a reason for that. Also, Rian Wallace is local to Pottstown PA and I was hoping he would make the roster as well. Didn't work out that way. The final cuts are CB Chidi Iwuoma, CB Jovon Johnson, S Mike Lorello, CB Anthony Madison, CB Grant Mason, DE Ryan McBean, DE Shaun Nua, DT Scott Paxson, QB Bryan Randall, LB Ron Stanley, LB Rian Wallace.

No guesses on the practice squad but I'd like to see Kuhn and Wallace on it for sure. Still A Dog likes Capizzi but doesn't think he'll clear waivers. We'll know by tomorrow.