Trading Up Again

The Steelers traded up today to take Santonio Holmes in the first round with the 25th pick which they acquired from Denver for their 1st, 3rd and 4th round picks. In reality, since we had four 4th round picks - the cost wasn't that steep. I'm glad they took Holmes instead of Moss, but I really didn't expect them to take a receiver. Man, was I wrong. They took ANOTHER receiver in the 3rd..and he's a smurf...but should be a great punt/kick returner. That's why I like Holmes instead of Moss with the first pick. I didn't want the "Moss type" receiver who tends to be a little small and soft. Also, with Hines not getting any younger, it will be nice to have a 1st round stud ready to take over when Hines hangs them up. Big Ben deserves a stable full of weapons. All that being said, I still think Quincy Morgan could have started at the #2 receiver position! I guess they really liked this kid to trade up for him and look what happened the last time they traded up for the first pick (Polamalu). So "Yikes!" we now have way too many receivers on the squad. Will Cedrick Wilson find himself unemployed at the end of camp? The 3rd pick of the day, Reid probably assures Lee Mays will not make the team in camp. I don't know what they're going to do with Sean Morey. They resigned him and I love his tenacity on Special Teams. If we continue to run the ball well next year, can you imagine trying to scheme against a running attack of Willie Parker, Hines Ward underneath, Holmes going long and Heath Miller running down the seam? Wow. More on the draft after I have time to digest it all. I've already read some complaints from some boards I read about the 2nd pick. His official draft write-up suggests he won't be drafted but signed as a free agent! That's certainly not very comforting. Hopefully next year with the defense still signed and skill players on offense - we'll go back to drafting trench warriors.

Slanted #4 - Original Comic

ABC's Good Morning America almost a Comedy

You know - I hate to be picking on an American institution like "Good Morning America", but the show drives me nuts. I'm not a regular viewer, but when I'm on the road traveling and I eat breakfast in the hotel lobby, most sets are tuned to GMA. Here are 2 beefs and then I have to get to work. What's with the people who wake up early in the morning to go down to the set and stand there and holler like hillbillies when the camera is on them? I mean, really?! They paint signs, wave...whoop....yell. If one of them is "lucky" enough to be selected to answer questions, they say something earth shattering like "I'm from Iowa!". Who the hell cares? Let me explain something to you - if your goal in life is to go to NYC, wake up, paint a sign that says "Kalamazoo Loves USA", trek down to the set, wait outside and then whoop (I love that word) when the camera goes past you....you are a L-O-S-E-R. Ok? Get it? Unless their people are combing the streets and offering you $500 cash to stand there for 2 hours, you need to get a life. Second, all week they are running a piece called "Pain at the pump". They have an idiot reporter driving a car across the country to gauge people's anger at gas prices. No, really. Every time they have to stop for gas they note the city, state, price and they interview a handful of people about the price. I have 2 problems with this. 1 - what the hell do they think people are going to say? "No, hell - I don't care if they raise it to $4.50". Of course people are angry. They needed to drive across the country to figure this out? Second - why are they wasting the gas it takes to drive across the country???? Couldn't they just ask all the idiot travelers standing outside their set where they live and how much they're paying? Think about that! Idiots, all of them.

I Turn, U Turn - New Jersey is Insane!

What the F? I live close enough to New Jersey that I have to venture into it every once in a while. I wouldn't be surprised to find out that New Jersey leads the nation in suicides! The roadways are SO screwed up, it is UNbelievable. In 1991 I had to learn about "jug handles" when I first moved out this way. Then, it seemed like every mile I had to stop and throw change into a collection bucket. George Carlin once said you should give New Jersey a blank check when you enter and just let them fill in a number when you leave. My trip this week to the most northern part of New Jersey has left me flabbergasted when I attempt to go anywhere. I am right on highway 17 above route 80 and of course...you can't cross it anywhere. My hotel is on one side and I come home on the other side of the highway. I have to PASS my hotel and travel about 2 miles up to the next U-Turn so I can turn around to come back. After I do that, when coming down the side I am staying on, I have to cross over a merge lane to make a right into my hotel. The first time I attempted that - I couldn't get over and I had to then do a U-Turn to go north again - so I could make a U-Turn to go south again. Does that make sense? So, tonight - coming back from dinner, I mistakenly took the U-Turn 2 miles BEFORE my hotel because they all look so similar. I had to then follow U-Turn signs through a neighborhood in order to travel south to the next U-Turn, in order to go north, in order to PASS my hotel and take the correct U-Turn to go south...and then risk my life making the right between people driving 70 mph coming off an exit ramp. Don't get me wrong - I'm a very agressive driver and I usually excel in situations like that - but clearly....clearly...New York drivers easily win the most agressive drivers contest. I tried to imagine a 70 year-old grandma or even my wife trying to make the right I needed to make. It's insane! Put in some goddamn turning lanes! Sheesh! One wrong turn can cost you 20 minutes.

Great Book - 100 People

Wow. I'm getting better at picking good books to read. The last two, Freakonomics and 100 People Who Are Screwing Up America were both fantastic. In 100 PWASUA, Bernard Goldberg takes a capsule look at 100 Americans who usually turn out to be HUGE hypocrites.....saying one thing and doing another or simply people who push so hard for what they believe that they actually end up crossing lines that shouldn't be crossed. It also doesn't hurt that most of the 100 mentioned are bleeding heart liberals. Not honest democrats or even slightly left of the democrat's center - the people on the list seem to be on the fringe of being taken seriously - yet they hold high positions everywere from universities, news magazines, news shows and yes - elected offices. Celebrities also get a much deserved pile-on. A great feature of the book is that it allows you to read it in 2-3 page sections so you still proceed even if you have only minutes to spare. If you love America and I won't say hate (but strongly despise) those who do nothing but continually trash their own country and align President Bush with the Nazis.....then this book is for you. Even if you are a die hard liberal (I'll pray for you) you should still read this so you understand just what some of your elite philosophers are really thinking and doing. Good job Mr. Goldberg, and might I say I really enjoy your work on HBO's Real Sports. Thank God there are still journalists around who won't just nod and accept any answer that is given to them. Can I add Bill Maher to your list?

My New Baby!

Whew, Ike Staying!

The deadline passed for another team to make an offer for Steelers restricted free agents Ike Taylor and Sean Morey. Now, it's imperative that the Steelers lock up Ike for the next 4-5 years. With Ike Taylor and Troy Polamalu roaming around in the secondary - youth and speed are not a concern. The only snag we could hit is if Ike's agent talks him out of taking the Steelers offer this offseason in hopes of landing a huge payday next year as an unrestricted free agent. The Steelers, of course, will try to get him for less than market value - hoping he'll take the smaller contract so he can get his hands on the signing bonus right now. The only upside for Taylor doing that is he gets to bank the money today instead of next year. It also protects him to some degree if he sustains a serious injury this year. He'll already have his signing bonus. I hope he doesn't gamble and he takes the Steelers offer, counters once, and then signs the Steelers second offer sheet. Everyone's happy with that ending. I was happy to see Sean Morey remain a Steeler also. $722,000 is a lot of money for a Special Teams player - but he is usually the first person down the field and unlike a lot of people with that distinction - he makes the tackle at least 30% of the time. I think he's valuable in that regard and one of the reasons special teams has gone from bad to good over the last 2-3 years. Signing him away from the Eagles was superb scouting in my opinion. Man, I can't wait for the draft. It's good knowing that we don't have a glaring weakness.

Which Ex-Steeler Should Never Babysit For You?

Well, read this and find out. I'm thinking maybe Tylski is angry that he couldn't hang around and make the team long enough to get a ring. A big strong NFL lineman.....wow, I hope he feels tough. He's the first ex-Steeler I'll be scratching off my list of those I don't want an autograph from to add to my collection.

Is LenDale White Our Next Bruiser?

At 6'1" 238 lbs, is LenDale White our next big back? While Willie Parker is the starter, White could easily get 10 touches this year and fill in for Bettis in short yardage situations and the occasional series. The thing is, do we need him? Well, if Duce stays healthy, no...but conventioanl wisdom says Duce won't stay healthy. Plus, we just resigned Verron Haynes. We have cap friendly contracts for both Staley and Haynes - not to mention Parker. If LenDale White is around when we pick at 32, Staley's health and how comfortable we are with it will be key. My personal opinion at this point is that Nick Mangold would look good in black and gold. My feelings are that if Chukki Okobi was ready to be our center of the future, he would be already. If he was ready to play, why can't he (in his prime years) beat out Jeff Hartings in his last year on bad knees? Our offense starts at the center position. We probably paid Okobi this year to be the backup. If Mangold is not drafted, I would think we'll go center #1 next year for sure. Anyway.....

My Sopranos Prediction

Something hit me while watching this week's episode. I think Meadow working for "do-good" lawyers is a major hint. My theory is that she'll end up working for the DA or something and she'll be forced to help out in a case against her own daddy. I know she could just quit - but something will probably happen to estrange her relationship with Tony before that happens. For whatever reason, I really had that feeling Sunday night. That would make for an interesting ending.

Bush Will Not Rule Out Nuclear Strike

In other completely ludicrous statements that mean nothing: If faced with a choice of starving to death or eating his own horse...Bush will not rule out eating the horse. If wife Barbara fails to service him for 4 months straight and he's entertaining Selma Hayek out of town - Bush will not rule out trying to get in her pants. If Bush happens to fall off a 98-story building without a parachute or a trampoline in site - he will not rule out screaming "Oh, F*#% ME!!" several times on the way down. If Bush happens by a Taco Bell on the way to an important meeting and in a Clinton-like rage devours 3 bean burritos and a large diet coke - he will not rule out farting if he feels like it while in the meeting (he is the commander in chief, you know). Lastly, if some hell bent terrorist with avenues to nuclear weapons happens to mention that he might use them against the greatest country in the world - Bush will not rule out putting on a flight suit, hopping in the cockpit of a jet and dropping a MOAB himself on said terrorist's dwelling. He is not beating the war drum, he was answering a question honestly. What's he supposed to say? "No, we'd never resort to that"?

Slanted #3 Sleeping Pills - Amateur Comic Strip

Bon Jovi To Help Celebrate Super Bowl?

What? Bon Jovi is one of those bands that is an "area" band. I don't mean to suggest they are only popular in one area as they are definitely a worldwide success. What I am suggesting is that they are closely related to the New Jersey area. They are tighter with New Jersey than Nirvana was with Seattle. Bon Jovi himself co-owns the Philadelphia arena league team with Ron Jaworski, former QB of the Philadelphia Eagles. I'm just very confused as to why Bon Jovi was chosen to help Pittsburgh celebrate. Why not choose a local favorite to headline or at the very least a celebrity Steelers fan? Hank Williams Jr. has ties to the West Virginia area and is a HUGE Steelers fan. He would probably do it for free! P. Diddy was a huge Steeler fan growing up. Kid Rock was at the Steelers party after the Super Bowl. I have nothing against Bon Jovi as I enjoyed some of their earlier work. However, they were never one of my favorite bands and I always preferred guitarist Ritchie Sambora's gritty voice over Bon Jovi's. I just think if you are planning a celebration in Pittsburgh - Donnie Iris or Joe Greshecky may have been a better choice. Let's be real....it doesn't matter if my band is playing or if U2 is playing....the place is going to be sold out because it's about the Steelers...not the band. Nuff said. Now, who chose the band? Was it the NFL or did the Rooneys have something to do with it? For anyone who still thinks Bon Jovi isn't a bad choice, read this. Now how can they help celebrate the Steelers? If they show up wearing Steeler jerseys - I'll turn off the TV set. If you are a passionate Giant's fan, how on earth can you go sing and perform for 60,000 plus Steeler fans? You can't explain that to me.

Even More On Why I Hate Flying

So I had another business trip last week, this time to LaFayette, Louisiana. It's about 80 miles west of New Orleans and escaped most of the Katrina damage. I'll try to make this short - but man, so many things went wrong on this trip I can't even begin to describe my level of frustration. So, in chronoligical order - here we go. For a 2:00 PM flight I needed to leave my house at 11:15 to make sure I'm there in time to wait in all the lines. When I got there, I drove to the economy lot - but it was closed because it was full. Instead of driving around to find a lot that provided a shuttle to the airport, I parked in the airport parking lot at a rate of $17 per day. They count "real" days meaning a Mon-Thur trip is 4 days. The economy lot only charges "nights" so that would be 3 days at $12 per day. I had a 3+ hour flight to Houston and then I had to catch a regional jet to LaFayette. To make it to that gate - you have to leave the main terminal and shuttle to the regional terminal. I made it just in time to have a quick snack before boarding. The sec0nd flight was only 38 minutes so it was fine. The small airport didn't have any cars with a gps unit, but I managed to find my way around. Coming back was a completely different story. Just like my trip there - I got to the airport 2 hours before my 5:00 flight. The line to check in had about 50 people in it. I couldn't believe it. The guy in front of me said Houston was full of fog and the airport was 4 hours behind. The 3:45 flight from LaFayette to Houston was cancelled. I waited in the line and found out the 5:00 flight was NOT cancelled. It was running late since it was coming from Houston, but the guy tried to board us in a hurry. It was supposed to get to Houston at 6:05. The new ETA was 6:28 and my flight was to leave Houston at 6:55. Remember, the regional terminal in Houston is a different building from the main terminal. My problems really started when we arrived at Houston. We were informed the 6:55 flight was on-time and currently boarding. I was hoping it would be delayed. I beeped the not-hot-at-all flight attendant and asked if the other flight knew we were on the ground. She said they should be tracking us and that I could ask the person at our departure desk to call over and let them know I was in route. Of course, my bag wasn't on the first cart over to the air walk. It was a regional flight so we still had to put large carry-ons under the plane. I pleaded with the girl in the air walk to radio the guys unloading the plane to bring my bag over. These guys were laughing, talking and not showing any sense of urgency. This is a small issue of mine - when a flight is really late and connections are at stake - they should be prepped to empty the plane ASAP. Obviously they were not. I got my bag and took off stopping to ask the girl at the desk to call over to the next gate to tell them to hold the plane - I was on my way. It was about 6:45. I flagged down a golf cart and hopped on and asked him to get me to the tram to the next building ASAP. He got me there in about 2-3 minutes. I had to wait a minute for the tram. The tram ride took a minute and then I had to flat out run to my gate. Even though I run in my spare time - I was breathing hard by the time I showed up. It was about 6:53 or 6:54. I was told I was too late. Had the plane been backing out, I could understand - but the damn plane was sitting there connected to the air walk and many hoses. I don't need to spell out everything I said to her, but I was loud and I slammed my hand down once in protest. At this point I felt like she may have been searching for the "Asshole" button under the counter so I turned around and walked away defeated. Oh, did I mention it was the last flight to Philly that night? That makes it even funnier. I went to the courtesy desk (oxymoron?) and again was faced with a long line due to the delays they were experiencing. I got a 50% room voucher and a ticket out the next morning at 8:55. After refusing to wait in another line for hotel shuttle calls, I took a taxi to the closest Hilton. The next morning, I showed up early in hopes of getting on an earlier flight. The shuttle dropped me at terminal C which is the gate Continental flies out of. Since I already had my boarding pass, I didn't have to check-in but I didn't have a gate assigned since they don't do that until the morning. When I walked up to the girl to ask her if I was in the right security line, she told me my flight was at terminal E, two buildings away. There are very few Continental flights that go out of E, but this was one of them. It was about a 15 minute walk. Since it was a replacement boarding pass, I automatically got selected for the full search coming through the security gate. Ho Hum. He felt around my groin more than my doctor ever did. I hope when they opened my suitcase they choked on the smell of sweat soaked running clothes. I did make it on the 7:30 flight, but of course it was already loaded and there was little room for my carry on.....and, of course, the dude in front of me had to recline his set the entire way. I could go on and on and on about the things that bug me about air travel, but it would be pointless. If it can happen, it will happen to me. From the cramped seating, to the long waits, I am almost inclined to see if I can pay the difference to fly first class on my next business trip! Or, see if I can get the client to pay for it!

When Will Women Learn?

Some sandwiches need to be served cold (click here). For instance - leftover holiday turkey, meatloaf and ham. We don't have enough facts about this, but I'm wondering if the roast beef was leftover, or straight from the deli counter? If it was from the deli counter, then I am with the deceased - it should have been cold. However, if this was roast beef that was previously cooked in the home - the stupid wench had no right trying to serve it cold. And hey, he didn't mean to kill her, he was just beating her a little because she was stupid. Now, here is the take home quiz....had it been deli meat mixed with jarred gravy...should it have been heated? YES! Gravy is the clue here - anything with gravy needs to be heated. This woman clearly did not know the intricate heirarchy of meats and serving temperatures and for that she deserved to suffer a little, not die. Isn't it a tad ironic that the murder weapon ended up being the exact device that was meant to facilitate the missing heat? In my opinion, Clem should be beaten to death with a frying pan, because you DO NOT heat up roast beef in the micowave! You should choose your smallest pan and heat it up on the stovetop mixed with gravy. In the absense of gravy, the roast beef should be thinly sliced and then heated in the pan with a little warm water to get the consistency for a good roast beef sandwich. It's really a pity these people are just so uneducated. If she had just said. "you know what honey, i'm tired today, let's just go to Arby's" none of this would have happened.

Harrison Good For 4 More Years

The Steelers made another fantastic move by resigning James Harrison to a 4 year deal worth $5.5 million dollars ($1.3 million signing bonus). That is a SUPERB contract, especially since he plays both inside and outside linebacker. He will be "the man" should any one of the starters get hurt this year. Better yet, when one of the starters reaches the end of their contract and wants paid a KAzillion dollars, James Harrison can step in and start and we shouldn't miss a beat. I've heard he is the meanest of all the linebackers and he dropped on draft day because of his knack for getting personal fouls called against him. Lambert, Lloyd, Porter......Harrison? We'll see.

Slanted #2 Evil Carrot - Amateur Comic Strip

Casey Sheehan, What The Left Doesn't Want You To Know

I personally feel bad for Cindy Sheehan. She lost her son. I have a daughter and cannot even imagine what that must be like. But, while I feel bad for her, I also wish she could just accept what happened and stop blaming people. The woman is so far removed from reality that she is now using moveon.org as a way to get her messages across and she is asking for Israel to make political concessions. I just found something out this week that makes me think of Cindy Sheehan in a new light. It's a fact that most news programs and newspapers overlooked (on purpose) when reporting the death of her son,Casey, in Iraq. While seeing her crying on TV and going after Bush by protesting the war at his ranch - it was easy to get the impression that Casey was an unwilling participant in the war. If you heard her speak, you would almost think GW Bush himself came into Sheehan's house at night, put a pillow case over his head, drugged him and took him away to fight in his war. Well, most reports leave out 2 tidbits of information when citing this story. Casey's first 4-year tour of duty ended while we were already in Iraq. Casey decided at the end of 4 years he liked what he was doing and signed on for another tour. Interesting, no? Not only that, even though he was a mechanic and stationed in a place where he wasn't in much danger HE VOLUNTEERED for the dangerous mission that he didn't return from. In my book, that makes Casey a hero. Cindy Sheehan should be proud of her son for what he did and I'm sure in some way she is, but she is now using his death to promote her views on the war, the government and the middle east crisis and they are obviously different from what Casey believed. She recently coauthored a book entitled something like "10 Reasons Why You Should Not Join The Military". Great. Thanks, Cindy. While your son was a true American patriot, you are starting to smell more and more like a political opportunist every day. Nobody wants to attack a grieving mother but that ticking sound you hear is your untouchable period coming to an abrupt end.

Dying For Disney

Hey adventure seekers....come to Disney and ride Mission Space....it's a killer. It's now killed a second park visitor within the past 12 months. This one is a doozie! Disney was making room today to install the new warning sign that will be placed at the beginning of the attraction entrance. The sign reads: "Caution, this ride may be hazardous to your health. Please exit the line now if you have any of the following conditions - congestive heart problems, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, high sugar, a high forehead, hypertension, hyperthyroid, hyperextended knee, muscle spasms, muscle weakness, mucus leakage, headache, heartache, bellyache, hyperventilate, AIDS, MS, MD, ED, F ME, hangnail, ingrown toenail, ingrown hair, bad hair, bronchitis, gingervitis, arthritis, halytosis, herpes, crabs, clap, VD, ED, VC, Chinese, Japanese, Look at these, cavities, ulcer, cankor, rank odor, gout, hemmoroids, yellow belly, cavity, blemish, scratch, dry eye, misty eye, black eye, sore brown eye, blurry vision, double vision, circumcision, indecision.............we didn't start the fire.........it was always burin' since the world's been turnin'...... sorry, got on a little Billy Joel thing there...... anyway......

Who's the leader of the park that's killing you and me? M-I-C "see, I TOLD you we should have went to the Grand Canyon" K-E-Y "Why? WHY? Because the Grand Canyon doesn't have an attraction that pushes your pulse past where it was the first time you stuck your hand in the cookie jar......M-O-U-S........E. If you were grading this I'd get an "E". It's late and I've had a couple of beers so I hope you'll forgive me.

AP Writer Makes (Wrong) ASSumption

If you haven't heard, Jermoe Bettis is going to be inducted into the Bowling Hall Of Fame as the first celebrity to have that honor. It was a bit piece on the AP wire this morning. The idiot AP writer who didn't even get mentioned - ended the piece the way a lot of pieces like this end....with a stupid fluffy paragraph intended to explain why the lovable Bus is called "The Bus". The writer said Bettis is known as "The Bus" because of his wide body and his straight ahead running style. No. No. No. No. No. The saying is "He's as big as a house", not "He's as big as a bus". The reason Jerome Bettis is called "The Bus" is because HE CARRIES PEOPLE. Ask him....he'll tell you. I've seen him say it. To paraphrase - I've heard him say they call me the bus because we both carry people. Dumb AP writer! He's probably from Seattle! Get it? People try to tackle him (see Brian Urlacher in the Bears game) and he carries them after being hit or grabbed onto. It's quite simple really.....don't you think?

Cope's Family Member's Death Defines Irony

This is tragic and very ironic. <----------- Click Here

Who Really Got Raped?

Wow. To listen to the TV pundits last week would have had you believing that the Duke Lacrosse team was running around the campus drunk attacking any girl they could get their hands on. Now, today, I can find only 2 links out of 100 feeds on sports that mention there is no DNA evidence on ANY member of the Duke team to connect them to that girl. This after the coach resigned, the season was cancelled and some players had to move for their own safety. Innocent until proven guilty? The reports found no DNA from any member of the team and no traces of latex or condoms. If there was no DNA found anywhere on this girl, she wasn't even touched. I might be proven wrong in a few days, but I think I can guess the outcome. From what I've read, she was an African American stripper from another local college that clashes with Duke's mostly white students. There were reports of racial slurs also. I'm betting something went wrong with the "show" or she didn't do quite what the guys wanted and for that there was some verbal abuse. If there was, that's too bad and I feel sorry for her. But if she retaliated by trying to ruin lives and careers - she succeeded. The media ran wild with this story making the players out to be monsters with "past police records" that proved it. Proved it? From what I saw the arrests were for public urination, loud parties and public drunkenness. Wow. At a college? You don't say? Like when Al Gore smoked pot in college and admitted to doing so? Like when GW Bush admitted he liked to party in college? I peed off a porch at a college party. I hosted parties at my GDI that were very loud, and I walked through town stone drunk coming home late from the bars. I bet 90% of males in college did those things. If you take out the porch pee'ing....so did the girls! Are these guys mean? Maybe. Are they power hungry from their dominance in sports? Perhaps. Do they drink too much and party too much? Depends on who is defining "too much". Did they brutally rape and sodomize this girl? Doesn't look like it.

Eating New Things In Louisiana

Well, after another day filled with travel bliss (inject heavy sarcasm here) I arrived in LaFayette, Louisiana just in time for dinner. I went to The LaFayette which supposedly has a good cajun menu. I tried the Grilled Seafood Platter which has 4 strips of local catfish, 6 gulf shrimp, 2 frog legs (ribbit), oysters and crawfish tails. Everything was grilled and then mixed together with a spicy sauce. It was good. The veggies were cooked to death and I hate that, but it wasn't bad overall. I like trying new things. My highlight of the day was discovering that from Houston to LaFayette I was on a small regional jet, not a prop. WooHoo! My take on the frog legs? Like tough chicken. Not bad, but I can't say I'd ever crave it....kind of like the chicken gizzards and livers I had in Wichita Falls, Texas.

Show Some Respect At Church

Ok, so I used to go to church every Sunday until I was about 18 and got a job. I now go sporadically (I'm not overly religious) and I feel that churches are full of hypocrites. Here's what's under my skin today - my family went to church for Palm Sunday and I noticed the same things that I've noticed there the past few times I've been in attendance. First - what's with the dress code? I know dress codes in general have been relaxed in the last 10-15 years but this is ridiculous. I saw a girl that was about 14-15 and I swear she was wearing her pajamas. They may have been sweats, but I know she wore them to bed last night. There were several guys in grimy baggy jeans and printed tee shirts that just looked stupid. Show some respect. We're living in an area where there is enough money for these kids to not look like they just came from the skate park. It's their parent's fault. I remember hearing an argument about this where someone said I'd rather see them there dressed how they want to dress than not see them there at all. Well, there may be an ounce of truth to that - but would it kill someone to make an effort to look presentable? I'm not asking for Versace, but you can't buy clothes to wear to church at A&F. Dress up a little. Look presentable. Show some respect. The other thing is leaving early. When did church become a baseball game blowout? I noticed after communion half the seats were empty when the building was just full 10 minutes ago. Another 25% left the second the last song started. Huh? Where's the fire? Ok, am I any better, I barely go? No. Probably not. When I do go, I'm dressed up, I arrive early, I stay until the service is completely over and I talk to some neighbors before I leave. Is that better than someone who goes every week but walks in 5 minutes late, leaves 5 minutes early and wears a football jersey and black high tops? Who knows? I'm not perfect....I just like to complain. I just think if you're going to go - show some respect. Dress like you're not going to the mall. Arrive on time. Stay until the service is over. That's it. Eat a cookie. Drink some juice. Go home. Watch football. Swear loudly. Drink beer. GUILTY!!!!!!

Slanted #1 Corn Stalking - Amateur Comic Strip

It's Not The Steeler Way

Dan Rooney has already let the cat out of the bag as to how the Steelers will self-congratulate themselves when the season opens at Heinz field this fall. In front of the entire nation for the opening game of the season, they will do what is almost unheard of these days....nothing. That's right. They will do nothing. They may make an announcement over the PA system or something like that - but don't expect fireworks and banners falling from the sky like last year. "It's a big game, and it's a great way to open up, back on NBC, but no, we don't do the banner thing,'' Rooney said. Huh? What? No rubbing it in to the rest of the teams watchng from home? "No, we don't do things like that,'' he said. "We gave them all rings, and we have a trophy for winning that game.'' Wow. What an approach. Just one more reason to love this team. Can you imagine if Daniel Snyder, Jerry Jones or Jeffrey Lurie had the national spotlight on themselves that Thursday evening? Rooney just oozes class. It's too bad some of it doesn't drip onto the heads of some of the other owners.

Locking Up Ike

The Steelers are hard at work this week trying to come to terms with Ike Taylor on a long term deal. Currently 9 of the eleven starters on defense are signed beyond the 2007 season. Taylor and Troy Polamalu currently are not. If Taylor doesn't sign a long term deal, he will play this year for the tender the Steelers offered him and then he will be an unrestricted free agent in 2007. Troy's current deal expires after the 2007 season. Obviously both of these guys mean a lot to the team. Troy is fast becoming the best safety in the league because of his versatility and Ike is probably the best cover corner we've had since Rod Woodson roamed the secondary. It's been that long since we've had a shutdown corner. I don't know what it will take to sign Ike, I'm guessing a minimum of $5 million dollars up front and maybe 4-5 years for a total of $3.5 million a year on average including the signing bonus. I think right now we are negotiating from a position of strength since I'm guessing Ike would rather have the signing bonus right now as opposed to waiting another year. This will be his first "real" contract and he's probably anxious to get that big check cashed! He desrves it. I just hope the offer to Ike stays reasonable so we don't have to sell the farm to pay Troy and Ben. I'm going to predict that we resign Ike and Troy before the season starts and then take care of Big Ben next year. That's going to cost us some serious dough! Remember, Carson Palmer got $105 million! Ouch!

Terror Plot Thwarted Through Clip Art?

Be afraid. Be very afraid. We hear all the time on the news how a simple prop in a terrorist video or a single word in a press release can trigger an attack. Terrorists are very adept at using symbols and signals. I may have uncovered a local plot myself. A little background first. My office likes to eat Chinese food on Wednesdays. I've included the front and back pages of the menu from our closest provider of oriental cuisine. Well, Ok, we call it Chinese, but as you can see from the menu - they serve szechuan, hunan and cantonese. Needless to say, it's an oriental establishment.....or is it? Maybe they are North Korean and hate all Americans? Look at the cover of the menu. Do you see anything odd? At first glance, it looks like every other oriental takeout menu in the US. You have the "all you can eat" price, the frolicking Panda bears on a fan and the obligatory oriental symbols which could say "Die a horrible death you filthy American, you" for all we know. Now, look near the top at the chef/waiter. First of all, he doesn't look oriental to me. He's chubby and he has round eyes. Also, notice the duplicity - he's wearing a chef's hat, yet he's carrying the tray like a waiter would. Interesting. Lastly - look what's on the tray for God's sake. It's a....it's a....chinese rootbeer float? WTF? And a sandwich? And what's the other item? I can't even tell. Creamer? Sugar? For what? This chubby round-eyed profession confused "spy" is delivering a bologna sandwich and rootbeer float - there is no need for either creamer OR sugar. You figure it out. I can assure you, there is no sandwich on this menu. And not only are there no floats, there are no beverages. Hmmmmmm. How can I tell it's a sandwich and not a burger? Fool! It's cut in half! That's an obvious clue. While A&W serves rootbeer floats, they do not serve sandwiches. To me, this is a clue about an establishment that serves both floats AND sandwiches. Let's turn our attention now to the back page of the menu. You guessed it, the lunch specials. Here you will find things like Moo Shu Pork, General Tso's Chicken and......singing tomatos? Three of them....with nine musical notes. That's 3 notes each and I'm positive that's significant. I'm not sure about you, but I've eaten about 1,132 chinese meals since 1990. Not once have I come across a tomato. Why not singing water chestnuts? Why not, indeed. There is also a single tomato prominently featured on the front of the menu, yet strangely enough, it is not singing. In fact, it appears to be unanimated. Does "unanimated" equate to dead? And what of the onion? Oh, how I wish I had paid closer attention while my daughter was in her Blue's Clues years. Broccoli is also prominently featured on the cover. I don't know about you, but broccoli gives me gas. Tomatos signify something Italian to me when I see them on a menu. But, since there is no lasagna listed here, what should I assume? Surely the mafia of the boot country wouldn't have anything to do with this sinister plot? Yes, this menu rivals the Dead Sea Scrolls for it's complexity and leaves many questions unanswered. For instance, notice they open at 11:00 AM but the Lunch Buffet doesn't start until 11:15 AM. I'm going down there tomorrow, incognito, to see what happens if I order the Lunch Buffet at 11:08 AM. Will the cashier give me a knowing wink and assume I'm in on the plot? Why did they choose to add another line under "Only $5.25" for "Take Out Lunch Buffet $5.25"? Why not just say "Also Available To Go"? I'll tell you why...they needed to get the words "Take Out" on the menu because it's part of their evil plot. While an untrained eye might not catch it, I was quickly able to unscramble the name of the establishment "Panda Pavilion" to get part of the message: "Di Paopl in a van". So, for the unfortunate who cannot see through this cloak and dagger menu - let me translate it for you. On the day of 5/25, sometime between 11:00 and 11:15 AM, a slightly chubby man who may or may not be wearing a chef's hat but will have round eyes, will smash a van loaded with gas right into the local Friendly's through the TAKE OUT window while screaming "Die People". If you "sing" about this plot to anyone, 3 guys from the Chinese Mafia will make sure you end up unanimated by putting 3 bullets each right into your onion. Case Closed.

What is Jorge Ramos smoking?

I think he's loco. Jorge Ramos was on Bill Maher's HBO show on Friday night. He was discussing the illegal immigration problem in the US. Ramos is Mexico's national anchorman - getting more viewers per day than the "big 3" US anchors combined. He was starting to make sense and talk intelligently about a few things and then he made a comment that suggested Americans are more upset that the illegal immigrants are Mexican and not that they are illegal. When asked to follow up on that comment - he said something to the effect of "I don't hear anyone complaining about illegal immigrants from Ireland." He said that with a straight face! I just read a government report from 2004 that said of the 5 million illegal immigrants living in the US, 54% are Mexican. The rate of illegal Mexicans crossing the border increases every year by 150,000. It's been increasing since 1988 at that rate. That's unbelievable! He also said something to the effect of we should be glad we are getting their most ambitious people. Ummmm, ok. Listen, here's my beef with this - for someone to leave England and come here to visit - they have to have a passport, documentation and board a plane after having their luggage looked at and walking through a metal detector. Why on Earth is everyone so laid back about hundreds of people a day coming across the border unchecked? How long is it going to be before a terrorist cell enters the country via the Mexican trails? We have a process to enter this country. I will assume we made those rules for a purpose. I cannot understand for the life of me why we don't take this more seriously as a nation. I'm not calling for kicking everyone out immediately that's undocumented....but I sure as hell wouldn't mind DOCUMENTING them and toughening the borders so we can stop the flood of illegal immigrants. Legal immigrants? Yes. Illegal Immigrants? No! Even if we have to raise the number of immigrants we allow every year, I want it all by the books. I don't give a damn what it does initially to the economy. Hurt it, help it - I just don't care. This is post 9/11 and I don't trust the Mexican smugglers to not take terrorist money when they want to enter the country this way. Maybe if more illegal Mexicans stayed behind and worked towards making their country a better place to live - 500,000 people a year may stay there and help their economy and our countries could work better as a team. And trust me, I don't care if we bordered Sweden and 500,000 5' 8" blonds with long tan legs were entering our country every year - I would want them legally documented...and then sent immediately to my house to do light housecleaning with little skimpy outfits on....and the occasional massage.

Unbelievable Follow-Up To Fat Toddler Story

Click here to read more about special "catering".

Seriously, what's next? Thanks to a Mr. Hodge for sending this in.

Courtney Love is a Skank

Kurt Cobain was an important voice of Generation X. It's really too bad he married Courtney Love. (In my humble opinion) his poisonous wife just committed her second act of treason against him. The first occured when Courtney Love sold Kurt's private notebooks - back to when he was in highschool - to a publisher to make the book Journals. She was paid $4 million dollars for the journals which to Cobain were considered intensely personal. She sold him out for the money. There were also tons of issues about releasing some recorded material after Kurt's death but she clashed with the other bandmates and basically wanted everything to herself. She has now committed the ultimate sin against her husband who was the most anti-corporate artist of his time. She sold 25% of her majority stake of his works to a company to be used as they see fit for a reported $50 million dollars. Love owned 98% of the songwriting credits while Dave Grohl and Krist Noveselic each own a 1% stake. So, it won't be long before we hear "Smells Like Teen Spirit" being used for 13 year old girls deodorant commercials. It makes me sick. I used to have major problems with artists who sold their music for commercial use. Most of it wasn't "art" in the first place and most of the artists that did it were writing songs to make money in the first place - so who cares? Then, in succession, Robert Plant did it, Sting did it, Rush did it...I couldn't wait to see who would be next. I was really disappointed when Rush did it but at least they didn't hand over their catalog. They simply sold 17 seconds (with no vocals) to Nissan to use in a Maxima commercial. Still, Zeppelin, Sting and Rush - easily 3 of my favorite 10 bands taking the easy money bothered me in some small way. I guess as popularity fades, money is needed to sustain a quality of life that has come to be expected. However, I would think Sting and the members of Zeppelin have $100 million in the bank. Back to Courtney - she obviously doesn't. She has an on again off again drug problem and she is constantly fighting legal battles to keep her daughter in her custody. She needs the money. However, selling Kurt's songs wasn't even the wrong thing to do. She could have sold them to Grohl and Noveselic, who would have bought them and used them properly. Instead, she continues her feud with them by selling out to a freaking corporation. May the flies of a thousand camels nest in her armpits. I hate the woman. I don't know how she can sleep at night. And yes, I picked the ugliest picture of her I could find to include with this rant. Bitch.

Stop "Catering" To The Obese

I recently read an article on child car seats that made me angry. Because so many 3-6 year olds are overweight and/or obese - carseat manufacturers are now making "husky" models. I'm not kidding - read the article here. Great. Super. Just what we needed. We always try to solve problems this way instead of attacking the root of the problem. The root of the problem is that little Johnny eats Ho-Ho's for breakfast, Ding-Dongs for lunch, Twinkies for dinner and then he parks his fat ass in front of a TV to watch SpongeBob for 3 hours. Guess what? Chubby little kids grow up to be chubby adults. I'm tired of sitting next to people that weigh 350 pounds on a plane. I'm tired of sitting beside them at the movies. My biggest pet peeve is when we go to a restaurant and the space between my stomach and the edge of the table resembles the Grand Canyon. Maybe if little Johnny McButterpants' ass didn't fit into any carseat, his blind parents wouldn't feed him garbage all day and would make him get some exercise. I just had a great idea for a restaurant chain - since Big & Tall and "Plus" size stores are so popular for clothing - maybe we should just have restaurants that cater to this size as well. Then maybe I could actually eat with my back up against the backrest for a change.

Race 2 of 7

Well, at least I'm not getting slower at a fast pace. I finished the New Hope-Solebury Spirit Run in 28:23 which is only 2 seconds off of my pace last year. This is a really hilly challenging course. I felt like I ran faster than I did in the race 2 weeks ago when I ran a low 27, but with all the hills, I guess I got slowed down more than I thought. I checked the stats from 2 years ago and I ran a 27:21. Besides being 2 years younger, I was also about 15 pounds lighter! Maybe by the time I drop my spare tire I'll be back in the 25-26 range. Here's the official race picture link.

Ice Age 2: The Letdown

I'm a huge fan of the movie, Ice Age. It had a great story, a great mix of characters and some very memorable lines: "hey - lord of the fire, your tail's on fire", "where's the baby, where's the baby...THERE he is". I've seen it countless times which means it passes my test as a good movie. If my daughter wants to watch a movie that I don't care for, I reach for a book or the laptop. If she chooses one that holds up after several viewings....I'm all in. We went to see Ice Age 2: The Meltdown today and even though I had a few good belly laughs, it just wasn't the same. It really had the feel of a story that didn't need to be told. I don't want to spoil the plot for anyone, so I'll just say most of the belly laughs were from physical comedy....not the dialogue. It was missing the creativity of the DoDo birds in the original and the educated humor "hey, let's play extinction", "KIDS, get OUT of that tar pit". Here it is 2 hours after I've seen the movie and I can't think of one memorable line from part 2. Oh well, it rained here today so it was a good afternoon to unwind at the movies. I like to see movies when they first come out and the theater is crowded. The kids in attendance sure enjoyed it - lots of laughing, but like I said - it was mostly at Sid getting hit in the head and Scrat trying to get the acorn.