FAN: I Finally Saw Tyson

Mike Tyson has always been fascinating to me. I loved watching him fight when he was "The Baddest Man on the Planet". He was unbeatable. As unbeatable as he was in the ring though, that's how beatable he was out of it. I wish a professional could watch the documentary and assess his IQ. If an IQ of X is mentally retarded, I truly believe he is X + 2. I don't think he's evil, I just think he's so easily manipulated that he doesn't even know who he is sometimes.

The thing I took away from watching this is just how fast he was when he was young. There is a 3-4 minute piece of him shadow boxing when he's probably 18 or so and I backed up the DVR to watch it twice. He was moving so fast I couldn't even see his hands. It was boxing gold. I was in awe. It must have been a god damn nightmare for other boxers to see him coming at you, gloves together, bent forward, head bobbing sideways, lats like a cobra...... that's how I'll always remember Iron Mike. I saw the end of the greatest heavyweight era of all time with Ali, Frazier, Foreman, Norton and Shavers. I think at their primes, Tyson wins. Foreman's size may have been too much, but I see Mike killing his body. I don't know, I don't know much about boxing and haven't watched much since Buster Douglas took Mike's lunch money - but he was a monster in the ring, a ferocious monster.

FAN: Helene Yorke is Wicked Good

For Christmas Still A Stroke wanted tickets to Wicked so of course Daddy obliged. We try to get her to a show every 6 months or so and she really enjoys them. I must admit - it's a fun night out for the whole family to get a little dressed up, head into the city, have a nice dinner and check out a show. The thing is, it's stupid expensive. As soon as tickets went on sale I did what I always do - head online and try to find a date with front row balcony available. I got one, dead center to boot, but on a school night. The tickets were still $60 each to sit in the 3rd balcony front row. For dinner we went to a nice casual place that I used to eat at every once in a while for lunch when I worked in the city - The Italian Bistro. They have 20% off your entire check when you have theater tickets. Parking was $18. Princess wanted a program and since she got a 96 on her math test that day, she was again obliged at a price of $20.

I really enjoyed the show and found myself humming Defying Gravity the next day at work. I fixed that by throwing in the earbuds and playing Maylene and the Sons of Disaster. Nothing like Southern Metal to get the showtunes out of your head. That being said, Marcie Dodd who played Alphabet, the Green Witch had an amazing voice. She had the best voice in the cast, but Helene Yorke as Glinda with a "Guh" clearly stole the show. She is hilarious, and quite a serious little hottie. It's hard to see all the facial expressions from the balcony, but I did come home and check out the leads web site's. I was enjoying looking at Helene's pictures until I saw her with Ace, that idiot poser from American Idol. I guess he was in Grease with her. The most uncool Zuko ever. When Yorke's character first arrived in the school scene, I leaned over to tell Stroke that she seemed like Sharpay from High School Musical. Perfect comparison as she played her as well. She's really talented. I hope to see her again in something in the future. Like a bikini, in an HD movie.

Yes, I can go see the arts and appreciate them, but I'm still a bit of a swine. Lastly, I appreciated the venue as much as the show - The Academy of Music on Avenue of the Arts. I've probably been in it 10 times and it never ceases to amaze me. I think I could spend an hour just looking around from my seat. There is a lot of history in that building.

FAN: Rock-n-Roll Hall Of Fame 25th Year Concert

Wow. Did anyone else see this? I set the DVR on Sunday but just finally watched it last night. Tonight I FF'd through it to show Mrs. Fan and Still A Stroke a thing or two. They got nowhere near as hyped up as I did, but it's mostly because it wasn't Beyonce or Madonna. I'm not going to lie, parts of it were just "meh" for me, but some parts had me screaming emphatic "Yeahs" in an empty house and raising double rock signs while riding a recumbent bike. On to a detailed review.....The two concerts totaled over 5 hours but HBO cut it down to 4. If the DVD is ever released I hope to buy it as it's really a superb rock reference.

The show opened up with Jerry "Killer"Lee Lewis singing Great Balls of Fire solo with only a piano. He looked and sounded like shit but he was still 100% rock-n-roll. He flipped his seat when the song was over and it was symbolic but kind of sad really. I don't think the Killer is going to be around much longer. During the piano solo in the middle they did an awesome video montage of his hair flying around in his younger days. Still A Stroke couldn't believe it was the same human being but that's the point I was trying to get across.

The next set was Crosby, Stills and Nash. I have nothing against them and I know Stills is a good guitarist, but they just were never my bag of tricks. They stayed out and played the part of house band for a while while others played with them. I know I will forget people over the course of the review but I think Bonnie Raitt did a song with them as well as Jackson Browne and James Taylor. Of course being a blues fan I liked the Raitt part the best, but I could have done without the wife beater and James Taylor. Again, no offense, they just don't speak to me. I like some of Taylor's music and he showed some life on stage but this entire set kind of bored me a little. Taylor sang "Love The One You're With".

Paul Simon came 0ut next and did a really entertaining set. He's a very capable guitar player. He did a solo hit or two including "Call Me Al" which included some strange dancing by Paul that looked out of place at his age. He's old enough to scare young children for God's sake. Dion DeMucci joined him for "The Wanderer" and then Stills and Nash came back out for "Here Comes The Sun". Simon then introduced Garfunkel and the place went bat shit. Art needs a stylist as he still looked like his usual self from their heyday. It was weird in that it looked like Will Ferrell dressed up in makeup. I have to say though that I enjoyed the set they did together. "Sounds of Silence" sounded great. HBO cut some of their songs but left in "Bridge Over Troubled Water" which I could have done without. They also cut Paul doing "Late in the Evening" and I love that song. The band was really tight and I was enjoying all the percussion. I hope it makes the DVD.

Stevie Wonder came out next and tore it up. He did one song with an embalmed looking Smokey Robinson. A 100 year old man should not have the smooth face of a 7 year old. Creepy. Ew. John Legend joined him for a song and I have no idea who that is. BB King joined him for what else but the only song he ever plays on TV "The Thrill Is Gone". Uninspired I was. I got fired up for what came next though as Sting walked out playing bass to "Higher Ground" while they traded lyrics. Cool. The song then morphed into "Roxanne". Sting tore the bass up on Higher Ground which sounded more like the Peppers cover with Sting on bass. Sting had a lumberjack beard that I didn't mind on him. He's a solid solid musician in my book. Not sure who was on drums for this set but he kicked ass. The next song ended up being my favorite of the concert....Jeff Beck strolled out for "Superstition" and brought the house down. His solo was electrifying. My daughter was like "how does he DO that?" and I said "Baby, that man is only 4 years younger than your Grandpap. Pay attention cause they won't teach this in music class". I was inspired to listen to Beckology at work today. What a showman too. He doesn't move much so every movement he does make carries extra significance to me. Understated and perfect.

The first night's set ended with Bruce doing too long a set in my opinion. Billy Joel joined him for 2 songs, Sam Moore did a little with them. John Fogerty did a good rendition of "Desperate Son". Then I was totally blown away....Tom Morello from Rage Against The Machine came out which I thought was a really odd pairing and they did "The Ghost of Tom Joad" together. Morello knocked the solo out of the park. It was crazy. Bruce also had a very good guitar solo which shocked me to be quite honest. My main problem with Bruce is that he has become a caricature of himself and he doesnt realize it. From the first note of the first song he was strumming that crazy ass strum he does and rearing back to sing and making faces like he had a redwood tree trunk stuck in his ass....the first song! He looked like he just finished a marathon. Stop acting and only do that stuff if you're really feeling the music. Don't fake it. It looks retarded. Darlene Love also did a song but I don't know her either.

I'll do a second post tomorrow or Friday on the rest of the concert. It's too long to do in one post and I need my beauty sleep. I will say this.....I was curious the entire night as to why the concert was in New York when the HOF itself is in Cleveland. Isn't that a slap in the face to Cleveland? I also understand every band isn't still together or there have been deaths and other things that occur, but it seemed odd to me from reading the set list that Paul Simon and then Paul & Art got so much time. Looking back into the history and influence of everyone in the HOF, were they THAT significant? Who knows. More later...... I suggest setting your DVR if it's going to be on again or trying YouTube.

FAN: RIP John Hughes

Wow. I was sad to hear this news today. Depressed really. The movies this man made while I was in my teen years will never be forgotten. I am hopping over to Kevin Smith's website to see what he had to say since Hughes is one of his idols. Please check out this video clip, it put a smile on my face....especially starting at around 4:20. Too bad the individual who created this didn't know the correct title of the song. Someday when my daughter is around 14 or 15 I think I'll buy her the Hughes collection and start watching them with her. I saw The Breakfast Club about 15 times before I was 20. Everyone I knew could recite line after line..... Call them what you will, make fun of them if you like, but to someone between 10th and 11th grade at the time, those movies were gold. Some Kind Of Wonderful was grossly underrated in my opinion of all his work. To this day, Planes, Traines and Automobiles is still one of my all-time favorites. Sigh. It sucks getting old (older).

FAN: I Had Cronkite "Who's Next?"

Wow. I forgot I actually picked him. Which begs the question, "Who's next?".

I'll take Scott Weiland.

FAN: Torture, Death and Revenge

Any Dad with a bit of an angry streak should check this movie out. The plot is simple. Girl is kidnapped, Dad seeks revenge. If you want to scare your teenage girl from trusting anyone, let her watch this. I personally loved it that Dad showed no mercy while tracking her down. He got what info he needed and killed anyone who got in his way. He even left an Albanian dude hooked up to electricity and walked away after getting the information he needed. Superb. The writer also took a shot at France for allowing sex slave traders to operate within France's borders. The torture scene may have been a political statement as well. It answers the question "When is it OK to torture to somebody?". The answer is obviously whenever you take away a Dad's little girl.

FAN: Will Ferrell Broadway Bush

HBO ran Will Ferrell's Broadway show live last night and it was pretty good. While it wasn't a laugh a minute, some parts were hilarious. A Condi Rice look-alike pops out at one point and they do a 3 minute dance that looks like a 'Lil Wayne video. He's really good as George W. Better than he ever was on SNL. If you get a chance, check it out. Even if you swing to the right, it's hard not to appreciate this.

FAN: De Niro Owes Me Some Dinero

I love a few Robert DeNiro movies. Love them. Goodfellas is one of my all-time favorites. I liked Casino a lot as well. Deer Hunter, Raging Bull, Taxi Driver, the list goes on and on. Notice anything about the list? That's right, they're all over 12 years old. Meet The Parents was good and it's 9 years old as well. It may be time for Bobby to fade away. If you look at his recent list on IMDB, it's pretty lame. I got all exctied when I heard about Righteous Kill with Al Pacino. It would be their first pairing since Heat where they barely shared the screen if I remember correctly. Well, I laid out $6 for the HD version of Righteous Kill last night on On Demand and while it didn't suck, it was far from good. I had it figured out well before the reveal. Even the scenes at the end that maybe would have been brilliant 15 years ago - looked like they were simply mailed in. In fact, I got angry at some scenes wondering why the acting wasn't better. Maybe the lines just weren't there, but I wasn't feeling this movie at all. Carla Gugino is nice to look at, but how believable is it that a 66 year-old guy would be banging a hot 37 year-old? Hollywood cracks me up. Maybe if the guy was loaded, but he's a cop.

FAN: What Are You Listening To? #5

We had an intern at my last company that I kind of took under my wing. He was 21 and a lover of music. He liked both old and new stuff and when we traded, I had little time to listen to everything as it was close to 10 gigs of music. As I was perusing some clip links, I caught this fantastic performance of Death From Above 1979 on Conan O'Brian. It's a duo consisting of only Bass and Drums. Cool. Max even runs over to cover the drums for a while. Pretty cool. You have to hover the mouse around the dead black space until you find the controls for the player. Anyway, they were in the stuff I took from the intern and I've now listened to it all day. Read more about them here. They disbanded already and there isn't much of them out there - but I really dig the one studio album that they put out. If they got together with The White Stripes I guess they would have a full band. Sorry Stilladog, I stole your column! I didn't think you'd mind.

FAN: Blind Idol

Yes, American Idol has a blind finalist. I don't know about you, but I just can't see him winning.

RIM SHOT.

I am so ashamed of myself.

FAN: Harold and Kumar Go To The Movies

This is hilarious. Every so often I look at what drives people to The Slant. Haluski references are still happening at an alarming rate. I still think Stilladog should start a free Blog dedicated to nothing but Haluski and put Google Ads on it. There is money to be made! Anyway, as I'm looking tonight, there was a Google search for "Slant Dog Milinon Years". I read that four times and then just started laughing. They obviously wanted "Slumdog Millionaire". I drilled down to see where the hit came from. New Delhi, India. Nice! If more people couldn't pronounce shit, we'd get more hits! SPeaking of movies, I saw "Juno" for the first time last weekend and really really enjoyed it. Really. Great acting on the girl's part. Also saw Paul Blart: Mall Cop with the family. A few good belly laughs, but we all know I like disturbing movies....there is nothing disturbing about Paul Blart.....

FAN: Gran Torino Works

Falling asleep on the couch at 9:00 PM on a Friday night is a curse. I'm typically a weekend night owl and I live on six hours of sleep, a gift given to me by Still A Dad. I love waking up early even on weekends as it's prime computer time....quiet.....peaceful......relaxing. Well, you do the math - if you fall asleep at 9 and live on little sleep - yep, I woke up at 4 AM on Saturday morning. I tried to go back to sleep but my brain and body were ready to roll, heck I got an extra hour in. The heat didn't kick back on yet and the house was a nice comfy 60 degrees. Now, how was I going to spend these bonus hours? It hit me that a friend at work gave me a copy of Clint Eastwood's Gran Torino to check out. It wasn't filmed in the theater with a handheld, it was a copy that a radio station had "or something". I didn't care about "or something", I just wanted to see the movie. All I can say is "Wow". The commercials made it seem like Clint was just going to walk around blowing people away - like Josey Wales. I don't want to give any of the movie plot away so I'll try to remain vague in my review if I can. The movie works on so many different levels it's a tribute to the story and script. Religion plays a huge part in the movie. Sacrifice and confession are the themes and atheism is also discussed. Racism is also a huge part of the movie.The movie whacks you over the head with how easy it is to be racist from afar, but how hard it is to be up close. If the movie didn't have enough themes going on, it also dives head on into relationships between fathers and sons. Clint's character is so "standoff-ish" that his sons don't even know how to talk to him. He definitely was one of the "old school" dads that just barked orders and everyone followed them. There are several phone calls between him and his sons that last a total of 30 seconds. I have trouble relating to that because Still A Dad and I can burn up a phone line for 30-45 minutes at a time talking like two old blue-haired ladies. As the movie progresses though, you start to see that almost every interaction between him and his kids is because they want something from him. Even his granddaughter takes part in the wanting. It becomes more obvious that his family doesn't really know him because they never really tried to know him. When somebody does try to get to know him in the movie, they succeed. It's hard to describe without mentioning spoilers, but if you can overlook the sometimes poor acting by some of the foreign cast and the young priest, I think you'll really enjoy the movies. The religious parallels that you are forced to draw at the end of the movie are worth the price of admission....well, unless you watched a pirated copy.

FAN: Black Noise, BlackBerry Overuse

So, feeling strong after the addition of Belimort to the football lexicon, I have another creation that I'd like to add to the business vernacular. Office buzzwords are so overplayed it's ridiculous. I go out of my way to avoid using them unless I'm an early adopter or I think they're really warranted. For instance, you'll never hear me say "my guy can't do that, he doesn't have enough bandwidth." How about Outside The Box? When people say that to me, I just roll my eyes, right in front of them. We have a guy in our office pretty far up the food chain who can't get through a meeting without saying the word germane. One day he wasn't in for our daily meeting and being the smart ass that I am, I actually said, "Hey, somebody else is going to have to say germane today." Half the attendees cracked up and half of them looked at me like they had no idea what I was talking about. I have a theory about those who had no idea what I was talking about. They have no idea that he says germane every day. You know why? Because they are too busy using their BlackBerry. This is not a rant about Research In Motion's BlackBerry. Heck, I own one. But you won't see me pull it out and check my email while I'm talking to somebody. You also won't see me on it in a meeting I'm in or staring at it blankly as I walk through the halls. You see, people today are too enamored of shiny objects. The people who are pecking away responses at meetings don't get it that only 5% of what they are sending needs to be answered at that very moment. This is my issue. Prioritization, my friends. The CEO is speaking at the daily meeting I'm in and I'm positive people are answering emails about lunch and what they watched on TV last night. A BlackBerry means you can get and answer your email on the go. It does not mean you have to answer Sheila when she asks you if you think Stacey is being a bitch lately. At least not right now. The instruction manual does not say "Stop whatever it is you're doing when an email comes in an answer it or you will be vaporized." So, what's my new buzzword? Have you heard of white noise? As in "Sort through all the white noise and pull out what's germane....er, I mean relevant." Well, I've noticed a trend since being at my first place of business where almost everybody has a CrackBerry......and I'm going to call it Black Noise.....and you are going to forward this article to everyone you know who may think this is funny.....or agree with me. Have you noticed after hours or on weekends when an important email comes out, everyone feels like they have to chime in? Look at me, boss, I'm checking my emails - on the weekend no less! Hmmmm, how can I make sure the boss knows I saw this? I know, I'll reply back to everyone - that way even Sally who never works on weekends will know I'm doing my fair share and she'll see my time/date stamp on Monday. So, on Sunday at 12:57 PM, 37 people get an email from this chronic purveyor of Black Noise that reads.........."I agree". Great! Thanks for that! Bob, who is currently in the local produce aisle looking for lemons feels the buzz in his pocket and starts to sweat. "Shit. Shannon got first. What should I do?" He looks around slowly contemplating his options. He doesn't want to do it, but feels like he must. You see, Bob is aware that he does this thing that hasn't yet been named, but he can't help himself. Slowly he begins to type. He hates himself. "Me too...talk more Monday." He clicks Send and grabs another lemon as he will now need more Vodka to hide his shame. Ladies and Gentlemen of the workforce, I give you.....

Black Noise: (noun) any communication stemming from a RIM BlackBerry (typically off core hours) that adds nothing of importance to a thread. In most cases sent so the sender can feel better about themselves for being involved in some process, even if they don't understand the process in which they are trying to seem a part of.

Now you, my loyal readers, can finally be an early adopter with "Black Noise". Start to use it at your office. Scoff at how much Black Noise Scott sends out on Saturdays. Use it in front of those you don't like without telling them what it means so you will seem more in the know. Go forth, and spread thy word.

FAN: Artie Timing

Mrs. Fan gave me "Too Fat To Fish" by Artie Lange for Christmas. It's a great book, especially if you're a Stern listener. There are stories in the book that I've never heard before and a few that are expanded on. I finished it this morning after just starting it Tuesday, but what a weird coincidence I had reading it on the couch today. I just found out a few hours earlier that John Travolta's son, Jett, had died. He was 16. Near the end of Artie's book, he tells a story about what a huge ass pain Jett's mother, Kelly Preston, was on the set of Jerry Maguire. Artie had a chance meeting with Jett, then 4, while passing baseball on the lot. I think I read one time in the past that Zuko had a kid named Jett....now, all within the same morning, I read of his death and of him as a kid on a movie set. Weird. Weird. Just plain weird..............

FAN: Three Dollar Bill, Y'All

This must be the recording studio for rap MUZAK. It's enough to make you think the dude from Best In Show and The Breakup is in on a hidden camera show. He's a dead ringer for the conductor. I don't know many things, but I think I know funny. This, is funny.

FAN: How Do You Lose Acting Chops?

At one point, though I'm not sure exactly when, Kevin Bacon was an A-List bankable star. Not sure when that star lost it's shine, but he hasn't carried a movie as a star in a long ass time. By checking IMDB it looks like the last hit he had as a star was "He Said, She Said" from 1991. Yes, it's been that long. He's been in other hits in supporting roles and that's where he now belongs. He was excellent in "A Few Good Men" which is one of my favorites. He nailed that part. Now he needs to play his bit parts and fade away. Why do I say that? Because he robbed me of 90 minutes tonight. I was paging through the movie channels before doing something more constructive and I landed on a movie from 2007 called "Death Sentence". Bacon stars and flops.....BIG-time. I picked it up 25 minutes in and after watching 5 minutes I couldn't stop watching.......because it was that bad. Oh my God does this movie suck. I mean, of all the movies that suck, this one is one of the suckiest. I watched "I Know Who Killed Me" or something with Lindsey Lohan recently and I thought a movie couldn't get much worse than that. Well, check this one out. The other weird thing going on is that Kevin is turning into Chris Cooper right before our eyes! Cooper is one of the best character actors you can hire right now. He's tremendous in any role you put him in. Go check out his credits. I've been a fan of his since 1999's "American Beauty". John Malkovich could have starred in this turd and it would have been a turd. Bacon's acting skills are now the equivalent of a 3rd grader playing a cloud in a school play. It's sad. I'll never be able to watch "Diner" again.

FAN: Hey Coldplay, Suck It

Howard Stern was talking about this today. He played Coldplay's "song" over Satriani's and you literally couldn't tell where one stopped and one started. It's the same speed, in the same key. I have some Satriani on my iPod and I swear every time I hear that Coldplay song (which isn't often because I don't listen to the radio much - and if I do it's Sirius and on a channel that doesn't play Coldplay) I feel like I've heard it before. Check this out from YouTube. Gotta love these Johnny Come Lately Idiot bands. Pretty proud to say that I can't even name a Coldplay song.

FAN: The Ultimate Mashup

Wow, this is cool. With Led Zeppelin being in my Top 3 bands of all time (not sure where though) and Bloom County being my favorite print comic....this is kind of like pop culture crack for me. The way the Zeppelin riffs are weaved together with Christmas songs is pure genius. Me likey. I want to get this in mp3 format.

FAN: Gonna Get Me Some Trim

Ummm, if you are hiring a Clown to show up at a kid's party, you might not want to pick one with 'Trim" in his name. I remember when I was on drumline - we used to play a cadence that had a break in it where we all screamed something. We would make a list of 4-5 things that we would use on the way up and down the hill we practiced on. We would also do it for parades. One of the drumline's standard words was "MIRT", which was "trim" backwards. We didn't think we could get away with screaming 'Trim". I think this clown needs to be prison raped a few times.....and he will be......total justice.

Axl Rose or Meatloaf?

When did Axl Rose become Meatloaf?