Miss South Carolina

Wow. Creativity is certainly in the air surrounding Miss Teen South Carolina. These clips are hilarious. The first has Miss Teen SC calling 9-1-1 after a crash. The second has her parents mouthing answers to her from the crowd. Third isn't as funny, but still good. She are really smart....and hot.

Props To Big Ben

Thanks to Still A Dog for linking me to this very "Pro Ben" article.

The Bar Was Low For Kevan

Kevan Barlow was cut by the Steelers earlier this week in an effort to get down to the 53 players that will make up the final roster. With Willie Parker being the only RB that was guaranteed to make the team....Barlow only faced another journeyman type in Najeh Davenport and a few undrafted free agents as competition. Verron Haynes was brought back into the mix during the summer as the Steelers probably feared what is happening right now. The bar wasn't set very high for someone with Barlow's pedigree facing a bunch of "no-names", he even played at Pitt giving him another edge knowing how much the Stillers like their HomeBoys. Well, he ran with zero passion and now may be forced to retire or at minimum sit around until injuries force another team to acquire his diminished services. I liked the signing at the time for the price if he played the way he did during his one good year with Frisco.....he did not and we'll move on. The other players cut were: running back Larry Croom, punter Mike Barr, kicker Connor Hughes, linebacker Richard Koonce, center Donovan Raiola, wide receivers Dan Sheldon and Eric Fowler, defensive end Derrick Jones and long snapper Jared Retkofsky who was a Steeler for all of 2 weeks. Nothing shocking here. We'll learn a ton more after the last preseason game.

Cialis, "Ta-da!"

While watching the Steeler game last night, I thought I saw something funny but it flashed across the screen so fast I missed it. I made a mental note to check online for it today. As it turns out....I did see something amusing, well, to me anyway. It was a Cialis ad. As much as I hated to type "Cialis" into my Google search window, I did it. There is no price too high for pure comedy. Look at the name of the generic drug name for Cialis. You know the little 'Tada' sound you make when you do a magic trick...or Windows sounds for events....or you want to show somebody something......"Ta Da!". Tadalafil. Yup. Nope, it's correct. Yes, I'm sure, I checked three times!!! Are you kidding me? You take some Cialis and "TaDa!". Look at that! You ever see one of those before? Not only that, it ends with 'Fil' which is what your penis does with blood. Is "Tada" translated to "Penis" or "appendage" in some other language? It's not? Well, it should be. Tadalafil. it sounds like some French dude will fill you with something and "TADA"! When I finally get my stand up routine together that's going RIGHT to the top of the act.

Jesus Christ, No Really.....

Maybe you remember my Christmas rant last year against Hallmark? I got a lot of good reviews on it. It was about how terrible their marketing department must be. Well, now I've seen it all. We had to stop at the local mall yesterday to pick up a few things. My daughter likes to go into the card stores to see the Webkinz. So, as we're coming out of one.....I stopped dead in my tracks. I thought I saw baby Jesus made out of marshmallows! I closed my eyes and squeezed them shut real hard, hoping that when I opened them the sweet, puffy Christ would be gone. No such luck. Not only that, the Lord Our Savior and King of the Joo Joo Bees was flanked by Mary and Joseph - both made out of the sugary substance. So, here we go again..... they have mailmen, police officers, firemen, soccer players, baseball players..... And? And then some guy in a suit said "Wait...I Have It!!!....Let's make a baby Jesus out of a mini mallow!!!" Genius. Pure Genius. Did he ever wonder how those in the manger were keeping themselves warm? A small fire maybe? Has he ever gone camping? Does he want Baby Jesus to turn crispy brown after only a few moments in front of the fire? And what's keeping him warm? Is that a blanket or a wad of chewed gum? You know what, people? I like Christmas. No, I LOVE Christmas. Ask anyone who knows me. I love getting into the spirit of the Holidays and I love listening to Christmas music and going out looking at the decorated neighborhoods. We decorate the house with tasteful ornaments. Now I'm sorry if you already bought one of these, but I do not think we need little baby Jesus made out of mini-mallows laying on chocolate and a graham cracker! Am I wrong? If I'm wrong, I don't want to be right. It did however, strike me as a good time to compose a new Christmas Song....

"Away in a manger, chok-lit for a bed,
The little lord mallow lay down his sweet head,
The hay for his pillow went right through his eye,
It looked like a stir stick so Swiss Miss I tried"

I could go on and on.... Jesus made out of marshmallows? Who in the Mother Hubbard signed off on that idea? Well, at least it's a "tasteful" tasteless ornament.

Random Thoughts About Preseason #3

Ok, what was Ben Roethlisberger doing being interviewed on the sideline with a rub of snuff in his mouth? Yuck. Just another reason for people all over the country to refer to Pittsburgher's as slightly one step above West Virginians went it comes to culture. Oh well, at least he didn't spit while on camera, although I thought the one time he was going to.

Did you see Hines Ward blow-up Brian Dawkins on the catch and run by Dan Kreider? He DESTROYED him and Al & John made no mention?

Anthony Smith better be starting for game one. I won't disagree that Ryan Clark may be a smarter player right now - but I don't think anyone is worried about getting hit by Ryan. Anthony brings the lumber.

The Eagles don't tackle very well.

The Steelers, always known for gang tackling, seem to be doing even more of it this year. There always seems to be a third guy finishing somebody off.

Heath Miller is S-T-R-O-N-G. Would-be tacklers bounce off of him. Let's not forget to use him this year!

Danny Kreider better make the team. We need a www.savedankreider.com website! Don't click that, it's just wishful thinking.

Why didn't Woodley start? Why couldn't our shiny new punter punt last night? Why can't Willie Reid catch a ball cleanly? We still have some issues to clean up. Did you see the shot of Mahan standing right beside Okobi? Mahan is much bigger and looks like more of an athlete in my mind. And when Al & John started talking about the centers....why didn't they mention Ray Mansfield? They said there were 3 starters from Webster on. What disrespect that was for Ray's family. Didn't he start there from the mid 60's until Mike Webster took over?

Last thought.....I bet you didn't know that Carlton Haselrig never played college ball. I bet you didn't know that Jerome Bettis is from Detroit. I bet you didn't know that Chris Gardocki never had a punt blocked. What can we add this year? That Tomlin is taking over a usually long tenured job....see Cowher and Noll. Booooooring. Anyone who even casually follows the sport knows that. Geeeeeez.

Still A. Dog Saturday

So the Dog and his wonderful wife came up from Maryland this weekend so that he could cook a proper meal on my BBQ pit and teach me the nuances of charcoal vs gas grilling. The first thing we did was go to a local German meat market to pick out what we were going to cook. We chose a nice boneless pork loin that was much thicker than what you would find in your local grocery store. It looked like chops that had not been cut yet. We started drinking the Troeg's beer he brought right after lunch. Once we had the meat he rubbed it down with seasoning and put it in the fridge. We then went out in search of his favorite charcoal, Cowboy, but couldn't find any. SAD does not like cooking on briquettes and suggests "real" charcoal. After going to a few places we settled on Home Depot's Char-Broil variety of real charcoal pieces. Last stop was for a pair of cigars to enjoy while cooking, drinking and listening to the Blues.
I learned to put the charcoal on the bottom rack and the food much higher up than I did for my first try (the chicken disaster of 2007). Also, he lets the flame die out before putting the food on. We used 3 stacks of charcoal and the pork cooked for roughly 2.5 hours.

The Dog bought corn local from his neck of the woods and put it on ice. We grilled it on the coals first but as the coals dies down, we moved the corn and the fresh zucchini to the gas grill to finish them up.


The pork was the best I have ever had. Each bite literally melted in your mouth and the garlic cloves that were inserted were delicious. My better half made salad, pasta salad, margaritas and a dessert straight from heaven.....fruit pizza. While I had my corn lightly buttered with salt and pepper - SAD ate his as bare assed as he came into the world. He was enjoying his corn so much I coined a new phrase for him...."corngasm". Everything was perfect. The Dog had some beers and then switched to margaritas. He started adding another shot of Cuervo Gold to every glass. That's why at a little after 9:00 pm, he looked like this:
It was great day. We ate well again this morning as wifey made her famous breakfast casserole and we finished the rest of the fruit pizza. I'm not eating the rest of the day. Well, at least not until the Steeler game comes on and then I might have a pork sandbo. Thanks Dog & Mrs Dog. You are welcome to come back any time you want. Now who is coming out next to cook us a big meal?

Vick Jury Is Chosen

Thanks To Still A Dad For Link

Why does this particular jury only have 8 members? Is it dog math, like dog years vs. human years? We need 4 more dogs. Here are my suggestions....Marmaduke for starters maybe? How about that big bulldog from Looney Toons, Bellvedere? I always liked DynoMutt from Blue Falcon, but I think he may have been a robot which would disqualify him. I know, Woofer and Whiner from the short lived "Clue Club"! Wait a minute...wasn't Goofy a wolf? Pluto was the dog....Goofy was a wolf...wasn't he? No Lassie? No Tiger from The Brady Bunch? What about Rawlph from The Muppets? Fred Basset? Surely the artist could have had a jury of 12. I think he was lazy. Clearly the 8 picked were not even the most notable. It was a superb idea. Snooby and Scooby are slam dunks. Not sure I like his choices after that. At the very least he could have added Still A. Dog.

Talk About Detention...

I remember all those pictures of the hot young female teachers "forcing" themselves on their male students. I remember thinking "where was that teacher when I was 16"? I even posted some of them here. When I saw this current headline, I tought I found another one.......ummmmm, not so much. DAMN!

Pr0n Filter gets pwned

Bonus....by a guy named "Wood".

Good Mormons

Andy, Andy, Andy.....and this is with them living under your roof? Whathappens when they go out to live on their own?

Songs Cover Bands Shouldn't Play

Well, if you watch the mash-up below of Rush's Red Barchetta, you will see that when it ends there is a trail of other Rush related material on YouTube. I couldn't help but notice the one by the cover "band". I had to watch it. Admittedly, they look a little young, and I give them props for even trying to cover Rush, but my goodness. They were practicing this for a Battle of the Bands. I'm thinking maybe they should stick to something a little easier to cover. Even if they get points for level of difficulty, they are going to lose. I'll hand out some grades:

Bass: B+ Not a bad job.
Guitar: C-
Guitar Player Theatrics: D+
Drums: D- I lost count of how many times he lost count!
Vocals: F Brutal dog, just brutal.
Vocalist Theatrics: F-

In high school my cover band "Meltdown" tried to play Iron Maiden's "Run To The Hills". Our singer couldn't sing it so we shitcanned it....which is exactly what this band should do with 'Red Barchetta"! People listening to cover bands would much rather hear an easy or medium song done well than a hard song done poorly. To make matters worse, most people that don't play in a band have no idea what constitutes hard or easy. They aren't going to say "They aren't every good but that's a hard song." They're going to say "Man, they suck!" I'm thinking my rate a cover band could be a regular column!

Superb Movie Mash-Up

Wow. I usually don't like many of the movie mash-ups posted on YouTube because they aren't very creative. I much prefer the music ones. However, this one had me smiling throughout....and it's not just because I'm a huge Rush fan. Dude must have put hours into tmaking this thing as almost every lyric matches up to something going on in one of the movies. Cool. Brilliant, even.

How Can You Not Like Troy?

A very interesting article on Mr. Polamalu. I got the link from PittGirl's BurghBlog. Thanks for posting it PG.

Dilbert: Live Action

So you know I recently went from a company of 18 to a company of 18 exponential. Hilarity abounds. My life is a Dilbert cartoon. I could blog every day about something that happens to me at work but there are probably too many of those around already. Today, however, I smiled the entire way home in traffic. Without getting too specific, let's just say about 2 months ago when the dude who used to write some reports for my department went on vacation. In his absence, another drone (not me) was asked to run his reports. Drone #1 ran into trouble and asked the new guy for help (me). Turns out the instructions for running a few reports were longer than War & Peace. It included things like "rub tummy while patting head" and "bury potato in back yard under full moon". I openly criticized the process and questioned why we were using so many tools to accomplish a single task. Bad idea. Repeat: Bad Idea. Ok, hotshot, you don't like how we do it....YOU do it better. So I did. In fact, after the reports made their way to a few meetings, I suddenly had to start hiding out lest someone else ask me for a report...like I'm the only human being who can proficiently use reporting software on our floor. Now it seems like once a week I get hit up by my boss to write a new report. The reporting that comes with one piece of software that we use sucks ass so I use the native results from it to populate an Excel document that I dress up nicely with multiple linked tabs and all kinds of summary information. I "put some lipstick on that pig" for sure. The report made it all the way up the food chain and that's where it gets fun. I got another request to write a report with the crappy reporting options out of the native software. Hmmmm. Who would want that? Better yet, why would someone want that? I asked a few questions and tried to use the Jedi Mind Trick to convince the person that they didn't need the crappy report. The force was not strong enough with me because they really wanted this report. Why? To reconcile the Excel spreadsheet that someone was nice enough to send them. I tried to explain that the crappy software is exactly what provided me with the numbers in the first place for the Excel report. Silence. It was then explained to me again....slower. Now, if you know me at all.......then you know I don't react kindly to shots being fired across my bow. I explained again using the word "circular" and got a furrowed brow. I ended with "Ok, no problem" and returned to my lab to produce a report that would prove that apples do indeed equal apples. Don't worry about me career-wise. That ship has sailed. I report to an AVP and I couldn't handle any more responsibility at this place. I'd fire people left and right....or fire at people left and right. My new mantra is to make as much money as possible with as little responsibility as possible. It leaves me more time to consult! So far I think about 4 people out of the 20 I work with "get" it and are valuable employees. I just can't tolerate these bumbling worthless idiots who have been here for 15 years and can't do a goddamn thing by themselves. I left my own department where I had an office and basically free reign to do whatever I wanted as it pertained to SQA to come to real life Dilbert. Now, I get paid more to have great ideas that are ignored. I'm getting paid more for them to choke what little passion I had remaining for my job away. Funny, no? Oh, and did I mention for the last 4 years at my previous job I wrote zero reports? Zeeeeeeeeeeeeeero.

A Waste Of Ink

I posted a rant before about Diet Coke and how unfair the press is when it comes to studies that prove nothing. All that needs to be present to make a startling headline is a link. What is a link? A link is not a cause and effect. What is a link? If I followed 100 fat-asses around for 10 years and wrote down everything they ate (for which I'd need a thick notebook) - when they are all dead and buried, if I read their logs and discovered that of the 60 who died of a heart attack, 50 of them ate carrots as a midnight snack - I could publish an article that claims "eating carrots may lead to heart attacks in obese men". Why do I care about this? I don't, but it cracks me up to read snippets in magazines that amount to nothing. Tonight I read in a sidebar blurb "Eating a bowl of whole grain cereal with skim milk after a workout may replenish nutrients as well as sports beverages." Hmmmm. I know after running a 10K I usually skip the Gatorade and go right for a bowl of Special K. The word "may" pretty much allows for anything. Monkeys "may" fly out of my ass when I get up from this chair later tonight. I "may"start to enjoy my job tomorrow. Drinking four Ketel One and tonics "may" make me invisible. Eating Taco Bell "may" precipitate an ugly bathroom experience...well, actually it will. The other day I had a bowl of cereal and right on the front it claimed that eating it for breakfast "may" lower my cholesterol. Well, which is it? Will it, or won't it? Actually, it's neither... It's not like eating Mini-Wheats will magically lower anything, it's what the Mini-Wheats are replacing that matters. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to realize that if I generally eat a half pound of sausage, home fries and 20 oz. of whole milk for breakfast and I suddenly switch to 1/2 cup of Mini-Wheats with skim milk that it will be better for my body. And that's another thing.....who in the bleepity bleep can eat 1/2 cup of cereal? That's literally seven mini-wheats. Oh yeah, I checked, seven. The box says something like 18 servings. 18 servings? Maybe Karen Carpenter could get 18 servings out of a box of cereal but I'll be good and goddamned if I can get more than three. Wow. I had to Google Karen to see if I spelled her name right.....did you see that last picture on the link I posted? Did you watch Scooby-Doo as a kid? Bitch looks just like that cackling green skeleton-faced monster that ran around the airport.

Yeah, that's him!

Now, what point was I trying to make?

Guest Post: Still A. Dog

I didn't get the game last night so Still A Dog gets the nod here with his assessment. Thanks, bro.

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Charlie Batch continues to look sharp. Ben was not afraid to run. Frenchy played OK. QB - B

I don't know what we're doing on the offensive line but whatever it is, it doesn't seem to be working. "Human turnstile" is too kind a description for the putrid performance of Trai Essex at LT. Marvel Smith, come out come out wherever you are. After some second string Redskin DE made Essex his personal bitch by blowing by him for a sack, two plays later "Kick em in the Head" Kemoeautu smacked that same guy(#77)in the face so hard it knocked his helmet off drawing a 15 yard unnecessary roughness penalty. #77 wised up and kept his matchups to Essex where he continued to make plays for the duration of his playing time. Colon played pretty good at RT nothing spectacular though. Mahan muffed a shotgun snap to Ben which he had to fall on. Capezzi knocked some scrub guys around in limited action. Oline - D+

Never used the TEs for anything but extra offensive linemen. Spaeth looked like female genetalia in his attempts to block on sweeps. At this point Jerame Tuman looks like our best TE. Probably choked on your coffee when you read that, but it's true. TEs - D

Hines is Hines he will be ready to go. Santonio is ready to break out. Once he & Ben really connect he is going to be something else. Soft hands, fast feet and balls. Nate Washington made some nice grabs. Willie Reid had a nice one from Frenchy. Cedrick "The Whiner" dropped a pass in the red zone. I don't like him. Not to be trusted. Dallas Baker is gone. Completely lost. WR - B- would have graded higher but as a group had trouble getting open.

RB - Not real good. FWP carried the rock a couple times for minimal gains. Running game practically non-existent perhaps by design?? Barlow ran OK for a washed up scrub who, if there is a God in heaven, will not make this team. Dump Truck caught a screen and made one nice move. Kuhn caught a pass and ran hard... then he dropped one right in his hands for what would have been a sure first down. Verron Haynes (Verran Hayes according to Mike Patrick) ran the best of all backs. Not sure if it'll be enough to keep him. RB - C+

Special Teams- Sepulverizer is just waaay too good. We got our punter for the next 10-15 years. All FGs attempted by Reed (2) and Connor Hughes (2) were good. Cowher would be proud at Tomlins election to kick FGs in lieu of punching it in from inside the 1. Willie Reid didn't show much but at least he didn't fumble. He'll be OK, Redskins coverage teams did a really good job. Standouts on our coverage teams were William Gay and Carey "Little Bull" Davis.

Fat Casey played a lot with Hoke sidelined for this one. Keisel made a bunch of plays including knocking 'skins QB Jason Campbell out of the game in the first quarter. But he seems a bit slow for some of the Adaleus Thomas stuff LeBeau is trying with him. Silverback did his best Porter impression... invisible. Woodley had a scheme sack. It's still a tossup between Anthony Smith and Ryan Clark at safety. DeShea had a good night. On one series he made all three plays on a Washington 3-and-out. McFadden and Little Evil could not keep up with that slippery white-boy of a TE for the 'skins, Cooley. If he had played the whole game he might have caught 14 passes. We are most definitely vulnerable to any team with a good TE unless you stick Polamalu on his ass all game. Pass rush was non-existent as well. William Gay had another garbage time INT and dropped another sure one when his man fell down.

DL - B-
LB - B
DB - B-

Summary: Lots of guys for both Washington and Pittsburgh played their final NFL game last night. Washington first team kicked our first teams ass, both sides of the ball but moreso their D vs. our O. Washington has good depth but we have better players who will be cut. We have a new coach but the same old problems remain. Lack of a consistent pass rush. Can't get the D off the field on 3rd down. Not very good ST coverage. And horrible Red Zone play. We won the game without scoring a TD. Players who will be bartenders and UPS drivers by Labor Day for Washington turned the ball over twice in the 4th quarter against guys who will be substitute school teachers and Home Depot salesclerks for Pittsburgh. That's how we won.

Camp is over. But there is a whole lot of work to do. Tomlin cannot be very happy with his team's performance last night. It will be interesting to see how he handles this bunch who gave a decidedly Oakland game 2006 effort against the 'skins. Team looked far too much like last years 8-8 squad to me. If they don't improve on last night's effort 8-8 will be hard to come by this year.
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Thanks again, not good news at all.

Is The Future In Good Hands?

I was reading some old articles from April in the Post-Gazette trying to find out info on the 75th Celebration Gala at the Convention Center the day before the MNF game with the Ravens. the Dog and I will be in town for the game...as will Still A South and his crew. I may be inclined to drive into the city for that as well. Anyway, I came across this and it may be telling of our future......

"The mascot, the brainchild of Art Rooney II, is a fellow with a black hardhat in Steelers colors, black overalls, a gold long-sleeve shirt with black piping, a surprisingly blond beard, black eyebrows and carrying a steel beam made of Styrofoam and, of course, a 75th-anniversary edition Terrible Towel."

Yup, Art II is to blame for Sucky McSuck Suck. Dude, your grandfather would SO not be proud!

UnChained

Well, if you read here regularly, you'll remember that I was jazzed to hear Diamond David Lee Roth was reuniting with Van Halen to tour this year. Then it fell apart, then it was on, then it fell apart, then it was on.....it was just like old times. Dave "left" around 1984 while the VH brothers picked up Sammy "The Red Rocker" Hagar to front them. While I admit I like some of the Sammy material, there has never been any doubt in my mind that classic Van Halen was the only way to roll. I purchased 5150 and OU812 and it ended there. After reading Dave's book and hearing countless interviews from all involved parties on Stern - the dynamics between all of these grown children is FUBAR. Now Michael Anthony is out and I don't know how that will effect the harmonies as it's part of the VH sound. Michael Anthony and Sammy currently play together and Sammy has new music coming out. Oi Vey. I've seen some great guitarists live: Kenny Wayne Shepherd, Steve Vai, Joe Satriani, Angus Young...but I've never seen Eddie. I know Dave's voice is practically shot, but when I'm there listening, I'll be hearing it in my head like it was 1981 all over again. When I went to get tickets this morning, I was bummed out by the process of course - Comcast is in bed with the Wachovia Center and they aren't allowing Ticket Master to sell the tickets in Philly. Comcast's website had the best tickets up for auction! They are taking out the Ebay and scalper crowd for the premium seats by simply auctioning off the front floor seats! They only allow a certain number of net sessions at one time so if you don't connect after clicking "Buy Tix" by the VH information, a countdown starts and your browser will try again in 60 seconds. I started trying to connect at 9:30 and got right in but couldn't click the SUBMIT button after selecting my price threshold. When I came back at 9:50, I couldn't get on. It took me a few minutes to try another browser session and it started another countdown so I started up 6 sessions! I felt like an old lady playing BINGO as I continuously clicked between them checking times. At 10:04 I started to think I wouldn't see the one band I missed that I really wanted to see when I was younger. I wasn't going to outbid anyone and I wasn't going to pay $250 per seat on Ebay. Most high profile concerts sell out in 10 minutes. I got through and selected 2 seats in the middle price rape (....I mean range) of $79.50. They are actually incredible seats as I've sat in the floor risers before for a Disney production. I got seats 1 & 2 in floor riser section 108A row D! Mission accomplished. Moor Cowbell has had his fill of Van Halen Tom Foolery and does not want to go. He got to see them twice "back in the day" and much like me - HATES these high ticket prices. I wanted to see The Police but flat out reFUSED to pay those prices. After seeing AC/DC and KISS together - our childhood reunion concert tour will stall for this edition. Call me the next time Maiden tours! This 2 hours to me will be almost as good as seeing KISS back in 1996. It might be a train wreck, but if it is, it will be a nostalgic train wreck of one of my favorite bands of all time. Dave, to me, is the epitome of rock and roll front man. The lyrics aren't serious, the music is loud and fun and I know all the words. If Chrissy Two Coats doesn't gobble up the other ticket - I'll open it up to the rest of the pack. If the tickets in 108A start selling for $500 a pair on Ebay.....I'll have to seriously consider cashing in and buying the concert DVD for Christmas!

YouTube Mash Ups Mining

Green Day & Queen Cool Cool Cool, but they didn't credit the drums from U2's Bullet The Blue Sky which they unmistakenly are.

Corey Hart & Justin Timberlake Obviously I'm not a fan of JT, but I do like my cheesey 80's music and I like the Corey Hart song. The thing is, when these two are mixed - it could easily pass as a song and not a mashup. It works. Weird. Really Weird.

AC/DC & J-Kwon Ok I have to admit, I don't even know who the hell J-Kwon is. The song sounds remotely familiar like I may have heard it somewhere before....but again...the J-Kwon song over one of the most famous riffs of all time doesn't sound that terrible. Plus, if it brings AC/DC to a new crowd....so be it. Needs more Angus....less J-Kwon :)

AC/DC & Queen We Will Rock You chorus needs speeded up ever so slightly....Moor Cowbell would have done a better job. Moor Cowbell and I once sat 3rd row for AC/DC. I can trace the beginning of my hearing loss to that night!

AC/DC & Black Eyed Peas I'm sensing maybe AC/DC's manager should cut a deal to put out an album like Linkin Park/Jay-Z and mash them up with current artists. If I was at a club and drinking....I can see me doing the "white boy overbite" to this. My cousin Still A Boomer does the best white boy overbite EVER.

Eurythmics & The White Stripes The production in this one is lacking music-wise, but it's still pretty good if you like both songs.

The Bee-Gees & Shakira & Britney Spears ummmm, you mean there's music with this? I was just watching all the skin being flashed. I do walk about 3 inches taller though whenever I hear Stayin' Alive's groove.

What The Heck Is "Blue Man Group?"

That's probably what I said back in or around 1997 when Still A. Sis took us to see them in Boston before they blew up. After seeing two different Cirque shows, I would much much much rather see Blue Man Group again before seeing any other show. They are a percussionist's wet dream. In a rare moment of stupidity, I was sized up by a stagehand while walking in and asked if I wanted to be part of the show.....I said "No". I watched the next person who was about my size say "Yes". He was put in a painter's zip up suit, dipped in paint, hung on a chain and slammed a few times into a huge white canvas.....or so we thought. It was part of the performance art because they had 9 things going on at one time and he was walked off stage by a blue dude with a camera on his head and he projected back to us on a large video screen what was going on backstage (the supposed painting). I talked to the guy after the show as he was sitting near us and all they did was dress him onstage and walk him offstage to stand for a few minutes while a pretaped "painting" took place of someone our size. When finished he just came out and got applause. In retrospect, I absolutely cannot believe I passed up that chance being the ham that I am. What the heck was I thinking?

Congratulations Jeff

I drive past a rundown VFW on my way home from work every night. Today the "menu board" type sign outside on the road said "Congratulations Jeff". Should signs be allowed to contain "In" information? I understand if I pass a nice hall and it says "Congratulations Sally and Steve" on a Saturday night that Steve just sold his soul to the devil and some unlucky bastards are inside doing The Electric Slide while drunk Uncle Louie is hitting on the girl serving cold cocktail wienies. If it's late May or June I would expect that Jeff just graduated from either high school or college. However, when it's mid August and no other information is given, I'm left to wonder.....just what in the hell are we congratulating Jeff for? Did he finally pass those kidney stones? Did he go 3 days without forgetting who he is? Is he the owner's 1 year old who just started walking? What? What? What? I should just call and find out. How dare they tease innocent passerby'ers with this tidbit of information? Curse them. Curse them straight to heck! It makes me want to purchase a sign and plant it out on our main road. I would change it every day to spark curiosity in others. My first sign would say "Honk If You Know Jeff". While watching ESPN, NFL Network and Hannah Montana simultaneously - for every horn I heard honked, I'd run out and ask them if their Jeff did anything to be congratulated for. If this failed to work my second sign would say "Screw Jeff". Hmmmm, maybe I'll buy a set of letters and head down there tonight to change their sign. I remember when I worked at the BK Lounge as a youngster we had a double sided sign outside that read "Free Pepsi With Any Purchase" on both sides. Some creative hooligan took both sides off and put up a rather clever 1-sided sign. I was going to say Still A Dog could do this puzzle with his eyes closed......on second thought....where was Still A Dog on that fateful night?

No Lambert? No Ham?

Peter King from Sports Illustrated was given the task of listing 3 All-Star teams for SI.com. The first is a lineup of All-Time players, the second of current players and the third of future players. For the All-Time team, neither Ham or Lambert is to be found...not even as backups! The four starters are LT, Butkus, Nitschke and Ray Lewis. The backups are Bednarik, Harry Carson and Mike Singletary. You could write paragraphs about one versus the other...but don't tell me for one second that Harry Carson is better than Ham or Lambert. Lambert was also better than Singletary in the middle. It makes me mad to even think about it. Woodson and Blount are the two reserves in the defensive backfield to Deion Sanders, Lott, Lane and Baugh. Joe Greene starts but Mike Webster is missing. I know the entire team can't be Steelers, but Mel Hein at center? He was picked because he played both ways. So what? That's not what this was about! Was he a better center than Iron Mike? Worse, for the current team, Troy Polamalu is not on the list. Nor is he on the list for anyone younger than 28 for the future team!!! What is Peter King smoking? For the current team, he has Ed Reed and...(gulp) Kerry Rhodes starting in the middle. The backup is Bob Sanders. I dare Peter to ask any GM in the league to name the top 3 safeties and lay money on Troy not being one of the 3! My God. On the future team, it's Weddle and Landry in the middle. What a clueless butt of a monkey Peter is. I feel bad for him. He has Tomlin as the coach of the future, but dissing Troy like that? Watch the email flood Steeler Nation piles on his ass over night.

Slanted #50

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Thoughts On PreSeason Game 2

Well, there wasn't really much to cheer about in this game. I was flabbergasted at the revolving door impersonations done by Marvel Smith and Max Starks. Don't think every team in our division didn't see that display. I'm not sure I fully understand why Max is being tried at the opposite position? Are we thinking this is Marvel's last year and we might move Max after the season is over? Does this year have to suffer because of it? My 7-year-old daughter and some of her friends could have sacked Roethlisberger Saturday night. Let's face it, we had some glaring weaknesses protecting the QB. In no particular order, here are some other random thoughts: we need to purchase copious amounts of stick'em and secretly apply it to the balls when we are on offense. Our receivers were dropping balls like Tiger Woods was dropping putts over the weekend. I don't understand it, other than to say it's the second preseason game, but c'mon, these guys have been catching balls since they were in pee-wee. God help us if we have a major injury! From what I've seen so far, our backups in the middle of the defense are about as soft as cotton candy. If you are trying to make the team, you have to make plays and stand out. When a no-name running back goes up the middle 5 yards before being touched - it means our line is being blown off the ball and our LBs aren't fighting through blocks. Mike Tomlin likes toughness. I am not accustomed to the middle of our D looking like the parting of the Red Sea in The Ten Commandments. And when was the last time you've seen a blocked extra point? I think Greg Warren missed his assignment, but I'm not sure. I don't know what to say other than I need to see more. I know one thing...we are deep at running back. They may as well cut Kevan Barlow now so he can catch on with another team. We have too many talented young backs to take on a journeyman. Last year I loved John Kuhn and I'm still pulling for him to make the team - but he's not getting a lot of touches and won't until the guys in front of him right now falter. The only 2 ball carriers that can be eliminated right now are Croom and Barlow. Likewise, I think the only guarantees to make the team are Parker & Davenport. Davis is probably 3rd right now but he's listed as a FB. I'm not sure how many combined RB/FB they carried last year, but they are stacked this year for sure. Also, "big ups" to John Kuhn for being the first Steeler to return my autograph request via mail this camp. Last year it was Chidi Owuoma. I only sent out 18 this year because I have most of the other guys already.

The Slanted Pack

Still A. Dad, Still A. Dog, Still A. Fan & Still A. Unc

Sharing some Bud's pizza N'@

Sucky McSuck Suck

Well, it's official - our sucky mascot now has a sucky name to go with it "Steely McBeam". While I don't even want a team mascot, I can readily admit that children might like it. The thing is, when I go to games, there aren't too many children around who are of that age group. Yes, kids will like it when he shows up at local events and schools....but did we have to name it? Couldn't he simply be "the Steeler mascot". No. We needed to name it....and name it we did. Out of 70,000 entries, they must have only read 4 and the other 3 were unreadable crayon entries. "Steely McBeam" is so ridiculous I can't even fathom how it was chosen. I want to know who made the final call and what the final 5 entries were. I swear I could rattle off 5 better names right now without even thinking. Oh, you don't think I can? Well, here goes:

1. Hard Hat Harry

2. Lunch Pail Larry

3. Wally Welder

4. Blue Collar Bob

5. Gary Girder

Ok, those are a little silly, but in all honesty - how about just plain 'ole "Mr. Steel". Really. "Mr. Steel". Simple. To the point. Not too kiddy. "Steely McBeam"? In a town full of Polish and Slovakian descendants - why the "Mc"? Is it to celebrate the five Scottish and seven Irish descendants of da 'Burgh? Think about it...shouldn't he have a "ski" at the end of his name instead of it starting with a "Mc"? I'm disappointed and I bet The Chief is rolling over in his McGrave.

Is Big Ben Bigger?

I saw Ben Roethlisberger interviewed on the news last night and he looked different to me. A lot different. I know he lost 20-30 pounds last year after the accident and he made reference to feeling better with the weight off and from what I remember, his face did seem slimmer the rest of the season. The interview I saw last night had his face from the side most of the time. When he looked right into the camera he still looked the same to me, but from the side, I barely recognized him! I'm wondering if he still goes to a plastic surgeon every once-in-a-while to get work done stemming from the crash. I almost wish someone would put together one of those "morphing" videos that would take us from his senior year at Miami Ohio through today. I haven't heard anyone talk about his weight yet this year - but I'm 100% positive it's up from last year. Since he excels once he's touched while quarterbacking, maybe he just feels better being a little heavier.

Barry Bonds & Co.

I am in western PA this week and I just read something in the local paper that I couldn't believe. While every other high-ranking official and whatnot are trying to distance themselves from Bonds breaking the record - the Pittsburgh Pirates are going to celebrate it with a video tribute this weekend when they play the Giants. Bonds started his career in Pittsburgh by playing there for 7 years. He's been with the Giants for what seems like forever, since the mid 90's? Anyway - why the fuss? Pirate fans hate him. Because he took steroids? No, because he's an asshole. I will now celebrate Bonds as well by naming the 10 professional athletes past and present that I have rooted against the most. These will be in no particular order as I'm tired, hot and grumpy.

Barry Bonds - like I said...A-S-S-H-O-L-E

Bill Romanowski - another drug monkey and 4 year old in a man's body

Ray Lewis - believes he is now a preacher of some sort

Michael Irvin - like I need to explain this choice

Bill Laimbier - I don't even want to Google him to make sure his name is spelled correctly

Sergio Garcia - I can't even really explain this one. I just always want him to hit the ball in a lake. He needs to play better and stop running his mouth.

Terrell Owens - see Barry Bonds

Mike Vick - wolf

Isiah Thomas - still thinks of glory NBA days as "Magic, Larry & Me". Wrong. If I added Rodman we'd have 3 Bad Boy Pistons on the list.

Ricky Watters - being just outside of Philly while this Princess played here was terrible

KDKA Posts Racist Article

KDKA posted an article on their website with the heading "Tomlin and Cowher are like Night and Day". I am shocked and a little disappointed that they decided to play the race card when comparing the two coaches. The article may as well have just said "Tomlin and Cowher: Ebony and Ivory". It couldn't have been any clearer to me. I thought maybe they should have focused on demeanor....clearly Cowher ran da meaner sideline but it looks like Tomlin runs da meaner camp. I don't want to get dragged into the middle of this because you know everyone in the city is going to be talking about this tomorrow. I hear Paul Zeise has been given 2 hours to do a special report on this as he breaks down racial profiling and sex crimes. I was a little anxious about posting this since I could be asked to never come back to the Sports Call-In Show....PLUS......it's the first thing I've posted since being added to PittGirl's Burgh Blog's Blogroll. Maybe she'll ban me? I can't worry about that. I have the truth on my side.

Hank Aaron, Class Act

I Hate Michael Irvin

I'm not sure about you, but I am sick to death of seeing, hearing and reading about Michael Irvin's Hall Of Fame acceptance speech. Does anyone believe a word of it with the exception of himself and his boys (the young ones from the fruit of his loin, not the posse or the Cowpokes)? I mean really! It all really speaks back to the Paul Zeise piece I did last week. How much press did you see this week about anyone other than 88? None? That's about right. Bruce Matthews and Thurman Thomas played right in my "wheelhouse" of NFL fandom. Both were extremely classy and very professional. Instead of the networks and the NFL pushing these two fine gentlemen on us, we got Irvin and his crocodile tears shoved down our throats. So, much like Mr. Zeise said last week - had Bruce Matthews been with hookers while snorting cocaine among other things - and then made a tearful speech to his family....maybe he would have had more face time. It's disgusting. I know in my bones that Michael Irvin will screw up again. It's in his DNA. He can be lumped in with Lawrence Taylor, Dexter Manley, Doc Gooden and Steve Howe in my book. These guys get caught numerous time and make a plea to be forgiven...saying they made "bad choices"...and within a year they are back in the news for the same transgressions. One final note, when you snort coke and bang hookers, get pulled over for speeding with a crack pipe in the car....whatever.....why do sportscasters interview them with kid gloves on? Why does Chris Collinsworth have to say "Michael, you've made some bad choices.....do your kids forgive you?" Why can't he say "Michael, in the prime of your career you liked to party with Nate Newton, get you some bitches and snort cocaine off of strippers asses......what will you say to your kids when they read that on the Internet in a few years?" I wouldn't treat that smiling preacher freak any different than I'd treat a murderer. And for every guy on a panel who acts all "buddy-buddy" with him..like Deion...who knows him "beyond the persona"....would they allow their 20 year old daughter to go to Irvin's "studio" so he could help her prepare for a job in telecommunications? I think not. Playmaker? Hell yeah if the play is to lie to everyone including himself. He's not sorry for one blessed second of his past "transgressions" and "poor choices". The only thing he's sorry for is that he got caught. Believe that.

Please Take Her

This is funny. Funnier still if they call her bluff. Wouldn't it be irresponsible of her with 37 children to do this? Did she check with each of them first? Is this a sad attempt to be in the news?

Ben A Long Time

Sorry for the Daily Post type headline, but my goodness... Roethlisberger was only in for a handful of plays but he looked to be in mid-season form. To hit Cedric Wilson in stride over and between two defenders to start off the game was impressive. I was actually thinking all day yesterday that the first offensive play could go deep. Had no idea it would be less than 3 minutes into the game, though. I saw a lof of things I liked. I liked seeing all the balls knocked down right before they were caught. Our starting defense did an excellent job at that. I counted four before the first quarter was over. I liked the timing Ben had with Ced. I liked the way Carey Davis turned the corner and pounded the ball. What I wasn't too fond of was seeing Okobi start. i thought Mahan was brought in to start at that salary...not compete. Maybe it was just a show? I didn't like seeing Nate Washington drop balls. I thought he was going to turn into a legitimate receiver in the league. Dropping balls will not endear himself to the new coach. How about Willie Reid? After all of Chokely's mistakes last season, to put the ball on the carpet is disastrous. Where was Kuhn? Mr. Gay had a nice hit, huh? It must suck to get your clock cleaned by a guy named "Gay". If I were him, I would stand up and say 'You just got Jacked Up by a Gay guy'. It was good seeing them in action, but I have to admit...I turned the channel to watch "Entourage" at 10:00 PM. I'm sure NFL Network will replay the game this week at some point. Woodley is as good as advertised. Anyone who bought a Timmons jersey may have to wait a year to wear it.

Coverage Is Horrible

I know Still A Dog will say "I told you so, quit watching" but I couldn't help myself. Around 7:00 pm I turned on NFL Network to see some pregame since I'm so jazzed up for the game tonight. I thought maybe I'd get some Tomlin production bits or something. Nah. I got a bunch of buffoons laughing at stuff that didn't make me crack a smile. Gumble is useless to the NFL. He is too polished to do NFL games. To watch him try and banter with the rest of the set is painful. He fist bumped Michael Irvin when he crashed the set to talk about his speech, and the only thing that could look less natural is Rosie O'Donnel at a salad bar. The games on NFL Network are going to be tough to watch this year. I may end up dialing into Sirius via the Internet on the laptop and listening to the home or away team broadcast. Ugh! Makes me think back to Still A Dad and myself periodically tuning in to Myron Cope depending on who was calling the game on TV.

Can We Stop Him From Coming Back?

Who? This guy.

How Stupid Do You Have To Be?

Dude, if you are going to try to be funny in front of 1,000's of people, you should not attack the wittiest person on the planet. I give you, my hero.....Kevin Smith. Not Safe For Work!

Water Under Troubled Bridge

This is sad. With all the money we spend on pork projects, I hope some local politicians can't sleep for years knowing this happened on their watch. Jesus Christ, from reading this article, it seems like the bridge actually has to fail before it will be replaced or shut down. If I was the agency that inspected that bridge or the person that acted on the inspection - I would hurry up and buy some towels and explosive devices and hide them in the bushes and rubble as quickly as possible. This is almost worse than terrorism. Here's what needs to happen, we need the daughter or son of every inspection officer to stand on every bridge with a full load of traffic and some construction equipment. If they aren't feeling good about that prospect......shut the bridge down! This isn't Mexico, this is the United States Of America. We pay $4 for coffee. We buy $500,000 homes. We drive $40,000 cars. We can't keep the busiest bridge in the state safe? Give me a freakin' break. 77,000 bridges in the nation are categorized the same way as this pile of shit? Oh my GOD! I'm driving to western PA this weekend. I'll feel safe crossing the Susquehanna going West on the new bridge....but I think coming East we'll be on the old bridge which needed to be replaced. Yikes! Talk about crossing your fingers and going. I'll be going about 100 mph. Still A Sis and family will be crossing the Tap/Zee tomorrow. I'll keep my fingers crossed, sis. Take a floaty with you. What horrible deaths those had to have been. It makes me sick to my stomach. As those agency's shredders warm up....I can only hope the very pants are sued off of them to the point where this will never, ever happen again here. Somewhere, that Mother Hubbard Bin Ladin is laughing at us and we probably deserve it.

Paul Zeise Update

I emailed both the Post and Mr. Zeise last night expressing my concern for the level of backlash against him and basically agreeing with his point. While the Post did not reply, I got a nice email from Zeise thanking me for my support and saying that he was overwhelmed by all of the positive support. The only thing I have left to say is that I hate it that people like Paul have to go back in the public eye and say "I'm Sorry". I wish he would have called a press conference to apologize and then go off on a tirade about how people can't handle the truth and how he is in fact 180 degrees from being sorry. Yeah, I said it. I suggest anyone who reads this and agrees should go to the Post-Gazette website and email them and tell them that you support Paul Zeise.

Political Correctness Sucks

This is crazy! The guy was making an analogy and basically, I agree with him! The Mike Vick story is getting way more press than Kobe Bryant got when accused of rape. Way more. How many games did Kobe miss? Vick could go to jail for 6 years. If he had raped a girl, basically it would have been his word against hers. His $1,000,000 lawyers vs. what? The girl may have broke down and refused to press charges. Sadly, the dogs cannot make that decision. The more I think about his reasoning, the more I agree with him. It's a sad state of affairs when this poor SOB was just making a comment and now everybody has their panties in a bunch because he brought up rape. Sad. Keep your head up Paul Zeise.