FAN: Language At Games Is Totally Out of Line

We were so close at the game tonight it was like being on the field. We saw a lot of runs scored and I think it was 7-7 after 3 innings which took FOREVER. I thought sitting that close we would be immune to language but Gen Now or whatever just don't care. We had 4 mid 20's "kids" one row back and a few seats down and the one guy starts screaming "EAT SHIT KENDRICK" as he's walking off the mount after the first inning. 2 guys 2 girls in the group. It only got worse from there. I heard most of what they said but Stroke was too focused on the game and her food since she just got her expander cemented in today. Finally a mother said something to him around inning 6 and he started to point and get angry at the mom and he stood up for emphasis. Not a single guy around us backed up the mom. The tool was probably 6'2" and pretty solid. This was a job for Still A Fan. Still A's Dad, Dog and Sis have probably all seen me go off. I yelled at him to get his attention off the woman who went to get security. He turned around real slow to stare at me and looked like he wanted to kill me. He was wearing a big cap that fit over his ears and he should have his ass kicked just for wearing it like that. Ear rings...tats....low jeans...... "Sit down and shut up" came out of my mouth as he was looking at me. Silence. "I have a 10 year old with me, this kid is younger than her (pointing at lil dude in front of me) and these kids are ALL younger than her (pointing to kids by Stroke). Sit down and shut up, we're all sick of it." "Yeah? Are you sick of it?" That was the tool talking. "Daddy stop it, let's go." That was Stroke talking. "Shut up and sit down, I'm not kidding." That was me talking. Finally other people got a little brave and started yelling "Yeah, sit down" and "Yeah, shut up". Security showed up to loud applause. He sat down, shut up and disappeared at the next half inning. The mom in front of us thanked me and Stroke actually said she was proud of me but I scared her.

Truth is, this guy would have probably taken my lunch money. I knew though that we're in a public place with adults all around us and everyone was sick of him and his group. I knew he couldn't get to me unless he followed me out and I had a little girl with me. PLUS, it was 2 guys and 2 girls and the girls looked mortified and probably made them leave. It's probably the 10th time I've complained about language around my daughter in 10 years. I have to be really pushed and this guy was getting aggressive with another mom. Still A Dad will remember a time at Idlewild Park when I lost my shit on an extremely rude woman who was trying to get to someone else in the line and put her hands on my daughter to move her arm bar which was blocking her from proceeding. Her husband walked over to assess the situation and assessed it correctly and walked away.

People are pretty mild-mannered until you mess with their kids. Then it's on like ketchup on kielbasi.

With superb superb luck, I caught Shane Victorino's home run swing! I probably only took 10 pictures of people batting and if you look at the raw version and blow it up this is a real keeper.

...and yes, I looked over my shoulder 5 times while walking out and going to my car and I know I have to be more careful when she's with me. Mouthing off to 2 males mid 20 wanna be's when you are 41 and don't even like to get your hands dirty makes you wish you would get your head examined every once in a while to determine why you act out.

FAN: DMV Blues

I woke up today in a great mood. 5:15 AM. Went to bed early. Spent some time organizing my half tb drive, had some Diet Cokes, ate some breakfast...looked up the exact address of the DMV Photo Station.....WHAT? Yup. It's that time again. I'm already overdue. Heck, my birthday was a few weeks ago. I filed for the temporary (I'm late) camera card and waited for it in the mail. The last time I needed my photo taken I had to wait an ungodly amount of time so this time I decided to be proactive - I'll be there when they open. I showed up at 8:20 and they open at 8:30. Perfect. There were already four people in line so I was fifth. After turning around I could see the number of people still sitting in their cars waiting until the place opened. They were too fragile to be out in the cold so now they'll pay the price with a longer wait inside (insert evil laugh here). The doors opened promptly at 8:30 and we were herded into a straight line where there was a machine spitting out ticketed numbers. There were at least 30 people in line by now. You had to press A for photo license, B for permits and C for driving exams. Simple enough. "A" it is. I walked into the room and it was very confusing, this from a tech savvy process engineer. I already see the lady that was first in line up at one of the "kiosks". A quick scan told me there were six kiosks. Each had a digital sign above it marked "01", "02"....."06". Again, simple enough. I looked down at my ticket. I had "A003". Good deal. I look back up at the numbers above the workers and the guy sitting at "03" looks pretty surly. He was about 38-43, probably as tall as me, bigger than me....but soft. He was balding but what was there was dyed platinum blond. I thought that was weird as well as we were out in the middle of nowhere and it was a bit hickish....but whatever. Since nobody was with him and he was at "03" and my ticket said "A003", I thought I was supposed to go there. I walked up to him, displayed my ticket and said as politely as possible "Is this where I'm supposed to be?" he pointed towards 5 and 6 and said "Over there" like he was a principal and I was in 3rd grade. Hmmm. Well, not everyone in the service industry is friendly. I smiled and asked "Which line?" Answering me like he'd been there 8 hours already instead of 2 minutes he said "A's A's, with the A's". Ladies and gentlemen, I can assure you there are no signs saying which desks are for what. I said "Oh, ok, because I have A003 and your sign says 03, that's why I thought it was your line." I was told that there is an arrow on the ticket spitter that should have directed me in the right direction. The ticket spitter was the size of a parking meter. It's also probably right between desks 3 and 4 so regardless if it said left or right, 3 or 4 was still fair game in my estimation. Calculating all of that pretty quickly in my head, I replied with a hearty "Wow, you're in a good mood this morning". I wasn't mad. I was pointing out in the only way I knew how that he was being an asshole. If he would have laughed back or even hinted that it was cool, it would have been cool. Obviously it was not cool. As I turned to go sit down, with the attention now of the room and other workers he blurted "Sir, you asked me where to go, I told you where to go, you were one of the first people here this morning, you should be able to figure it out". At this point I was going to remind the semi-slow help that I pay his salary, but I didn't. I gave him my best smirk and just said "Yup, leave it to the government to have tickets with both letters and numbers on them, six different lines, numbers above the lines that look like they're able to change and oh by the way....why are kiosks 5 and 6 'A' instead of kiosks 1 and 2?" I turned around to walk back to the folding chairs to wait my turn. And to be honest, I wasn't mad (yet). I was in complete control. As I sat there thinking about how huge an ass this guy was, I found myself staring at him. Hard. Even though in the battle of wits my howitzer trumped his old board with a nail in it (rusty nail at that), I didn't want him to think he in any way intimidated me. I couldn't believe what jolted me out of my haze of cleverness....."What are you staring at?". Oh No He Didn't. I said "Excuse me?" He reiterated his question. "Space", I replied. "Don't stare at me, you're not allowed to stare at me". Now, I admit, I did have a George Costanza moment. Had I had my "A" game on me, I would have replied "I'm trying to figure out if your hair is 'Aruba Sunshine' or 'Dandelion Yellow'. But I didn't have my "A" game. He surprised me actually by continuing the exchange. I went with "Dude, what's your problem? I'm just trying to get in the right line and get out of here." You won't believe the answer. "No, you got your answer, and then you gave me shit". I started to laugh this time. I turned around and almost asked for a show of hands at how many people heard that. "Nice language. Very articulate, especially in front of all these witnesses". I swear I heard a cricket. It seemed like 2 or 3 seconds and then the regular sounds of the office started up again. An older gentleman called my number soon after and as I walked towards him, he winked at me and said "Now it's your turn , buddy". He was nice as pie to me and then it hit me....I think he was glad I said something back to this ass clown. He has to work with him everyday, two desks down. Ugh. I called him "Sir". I was very friendly. I thanked him, shook his hand and turned to leave. There was a little devil sitting on my left shoulder. He was like "flick him off.....see if he'll blow his stack....get him fired". I was like, "shut up little devil dude, you're getting me in trouble". He whispered "He started it, yo. Go tell him he's lucky you didn't break your foot off in his ass". "Nah little devil dude, my wife won't like it if she has to bail me out of jail over something this stupid." Tell him we should be able to do this online and he shouldn't have a job! I almost turned to him and said "Hey man, you have a good day" but I didn't. As I walked back through the now crowded room, I counted no less than 3 people nod their approval at me. Still A. Wife thought maybe I should have got his name and called Harrisburg but what's the point? I think the fact that he completely lost his cool and I stayed relatively calm was a win.

Confronting Strangers

Rarely do I endorse confronting strangers. In today's world, it's usually too risky. You might get shot over something completely idiotic. However, if the situation seems safe and I feel like I have to say something - I usually say it. Some of my more memorable (humorous) episodes have been getting into a tiff at the Academy of Music with another patron and an attendent over a seating discrepancy (did NOT use the F-Bomb but I told the guy to "kiss my ass") , another tiff with a parking lot attendent in the city after they wanted me to pay for an hour for running inside and asking directions (the F-Bomb was used), my scrape with a company contracted by DirecTV when I moved 2 years ago (I told a Russian guy he better get in his truck and leave and he wisely did), my nose-to-nose with a guy in my Septa lot a few years ago who honked at me to make a left going into the lot between cars going 70 mph (I politely told him what I was going to do with his horn if he ever honked at me again), and the time my wife and I watched a woman in a parking lot let her cart roll away and slam into another car (I was semi-polite to her but I let her know how lousy it was to drive away). I had another small incident yesterday that was so small it didn't even register with me to tell my wife last night when I returned (my daughter was there anyway and I forgot once she went to bed). I went to Costco to buy a few items and as I was getting out of my car a woman between 35-45 was putting things in her truck and my right front bumper was near her left back bumber in the lot. Her cart was about 12" from my car. I had a feeling she was going to leave the cart there and it was very windy yesterday. i got out and started walking to the door and I turned around about 10 seconds later and the cart was still there - empty. I turned around and walked back and she was still standing at the side of her truck. I was VERY NON-confrontational but I asked her if she was planning on leaving the cart that close to my car. Without a care in the world, she just stared at me. I pointed out that the return bin was about 15 yards away. She replied "It's not like it's going anywhere" with the tone of a spoiled brat. If I was a cat my tail would have been bushy as she started to get in her vehicle. I took 5 more steps to get the cart myself as I said something like "lazy ass people make me sick" loud enough for her to hear me. What's wrong with people? I would have felt embarassed if I were her but I think she was proud and thought she was right. Take the extra steps.....it won't kill you and maybe you'll drop a few pounds while you're at it. I felt like pushing the cart into her truck but I squashed that feeling hoping she won't do it again. I think that's why I have to open my big mouth sometimes. I'm just hoping that maybe when she went to bed last night - she'll reflect and feel bad and maybe never do it again. Who knows. I at least felt better that I said something because I would have regretted it the rest of the day if I had not.