Parenting 101

So we went out for a fun Saturday evening last night. We were going to see Martin Lawrence, Raven and Brenda Song in College Road Trip and we thought we'd grab a little Chinese before the show. We went to a pretty nice Chinese/Japanese place that we've never been to before. It's a little different because it's not your typical strip mall joint. It's a big place with a ton of seating and the chairs are all highbacks. When we walked in there was a big table of guests already eating - they must have had twenty people at their table. Lots of couples and young kids. For whatever reason, the parents thought it was Ok to simply allow their kids to walk around between the tables while they followed a few steps behind. Constantly. It was like you weren't normal at that table unless you allowed your kid to walk around the place. Everyone was yelling as well since the table was huge. Ugh. All I wanted to do was get my sushi on in peace. It seemed like they were a big group that hadn't seen each other in a while. After they were done eating, they decided to hang around so they could annoy everyone else some more. My wife noticed one of the little guys was standing on his highback holding onto the back. Nice. Well, before you knew it, there was a loud smacking sound followed by a wail and gasps. The gasps stopped pretty quickly and the loud conversation continued as the dad walked the screaming kid outside. He couldn't have been 15 months old. To the table, it was like someone dropped a fork. He hit hard. We all looked towards the sound before the crying started. What a bunch of idiots. Oh well. The movie was enjoyable as all three of us like Martin Lawrence. We love the Big Momma series and I (of course) love his filthy stand up material. Funny that the entire movie was about parenting. After the movie we went to the mall where a group of 14-16 year old girls were walking hand-in-hand screaming like they were at a highschool football game. Too bad their parents weren't with them. I gotta tell ya, I was a little sarcastic smartass who loved tweaking people and making people laugh and I don't think I ever once used my outside voice in the mall or any other inside place. You know why? Because I was conditioned not to. Sometimes it's not so bad going to the mall with your kids because there are some valuable lessons to learn.....like "when you're old enough to come here with your friends, I better never....NEVER.....hear of behavior like that from someone who sees you.....and we know a lot of people in our town!". That being said, she learned not to act like that eons ago.

Wait....What?

My daughter is 8. She knows plenty of kids who are 11. It's bad enough that this idiot 26 year old mother gave her own daughter illegal things to ingest - but what about her friends that were there? The day I find out that another adult gave my daughter something illegal (and I don't care if she's 17) there's going to be trouble. Read: Not A Stern Phonecall

Do As I Say, Not As I Do

This is one of the best headline links I've ever read on Yahoo news "Britney Spears' mom to write book on parenting". Now, do I want to make fun of that, or did I just need a reason to post the hottest picture I could find of her? Hmm, let's call it a little of both. You could take the fun in a million different directions, but I think I'll go this way - here are some more parents that want to get a book on the market. Pee Wee Herman's mom is writing a book entitled "Everyone needs A Partner". Marion Jones' moms is currently writing "Cheaters Never Win". "Your Body Is Private" is for tweener girls written by Paris Hilton's mother. "The Dangers Of Driving Drunk" by Keifer Sutherland's mom will be hitting the shelves any day now. Alec Baldwin himself is writing a parenting book entitled "How to Talk to your Child Like An Adult". Not to be outdone, Kim Basinger is busy putting together "Your Child is not a Pawn in the Game of Divorce". Lindsey Lohan's mom is rushing to finish her first book called "Nothing Will Happen If You Let Your 12-year-old Have Wine With Dinner". Rosie O'Donnell's mom just completed "No Snacks 'Til After Dinner". Clay Aiken's mother is out marketing "Streisand Singing Sons Can Be Straight". Mrs. Vick recently completed "Evevry Boy Needs A Dog". Come on, add to the list.......

Tough Noogies

If this was my kid, a simple - "well, that's life" would have to suffice from me. One of the biggest problems in today's society (according to me) is parents defending their kids for all sorts of things. I hear from current teachers all the time that parents call in and complain if the teacher even corrects their child. If I came home and had to tell somebody I got crap at school that day...I got more crap....not a sympathetic parent looking for an excuse..any excuse..to call the teacher and ask why their little baby came home sad. It's a tough world out there. I think, and Still A. Dad or Still A. Sis can confirm this - that my pops called the school one time to stick up for my Sis. It's funny because I just told my daughter this story. She asks me all the time if I got in trouble in school and then wants to know "why" and "how much"? I'm not going to lie to her. I was a smart-ass in school. She can already tell you the 5 or 6 worse things I did. I don't want her to think she has to live up to some standard. The first time she got on Yellow in school was last year in first grade (they use a green, yellow, red light system). She was on yellow once the entire year and it is a daily occurrence for some kids. She was so upset she cried when telling me! She punished herself. She thought I was going to be mad! I told her that that old bat Ms. Rugg stuck me and my big mouth in the corner 30 times when I was in first grade! Easy. I didn't get detention until 4th grade and that was from tripping a girl right in front of Mrs. Dorito and Ms. Woolslegle. She fell so hard she cried....and we were "in love". I told her about the time I had to write for Mr. Bloom for trying to one-up him in Geography class and for the time in Mr. Metal's class when my cohorts and myself declared ourselves as "Here" by saying "Past", "Present" and "Future" (I was "Present"). I told her that when I was a Junior in high school, about 110 students made National Honor Society. I graduated 46th in a class of 600 but somehow failed to make Honor Society. Why? Are you not paying attention? I was a smart ass. I think I had some teachers in a cold sweat hoping they wouldn't say something that would draw my wit. If I could make the class laugh, I would weigh that agsint my probable punishment (if any) and roll the dice. I would rather make the entire class laugh than sit there and be bored stiff. It made my day more exciting. I don't think any teacher actually disliked me...well, ok, one or two did....they just knew I was not performing as well as I could. If I could get a 'B' without studying...I'd take it. If the class didn't interest me, I would do just enough to get my 'B'. The classes that everyone had to take like Geography, Sociology, Civics....they went over things 4 times and you couldn't help but get an 'A' if you could memorize things after hearing them 2-3 times. Those are the classes when the real clown came out. I heard from a good source that I didn't lose the Class Clown vote by much but I did deserve to lose as the winner was a master and a partner in crime. I'm not proud of that or sorry about it either. It is what it is and I buckled down in college. My partner in crime, did not.

I didn't tell my daughter yet that I had the police show up at the door before I graduated - but I will before she hits Jr. High. Back to the main point - one day my sister took something to the office for actually a favorite teacher of mine who shall remain nameless due to the fact that not that many people share his unusual name.... While away the class was rowdy and was instructed to write as punishment. When she returned and class was dismissed she was instructed to write as well which seemed unfair to her. I think he said the class acted up the entire class and that was that. I think Still A Dad placed a call and was told the same thing (I could be wrong). Once he got the answer he did what he had to....told her to just do it. Damn! Maybe he should have sued for something. Embarrassment for my sister since she was usually the one to never get in trouble. In fact, it wouldn't surprise me if that was the worse thing she had to do while in school. So, when I came to Still A Dad with....."but, dad, all I said was 'Present'....some kids say 'Present' every day, I shouldn't have to write...." he just gave me the "am I that stupid?" look and I went away and found somebody to write "Past, Present, Future" for me 1000 times for $5. Damn, I miss school. Oh yeah, quit babying your kids! Life isn't fair. The sooner they learn that, the better off they will be. If I had that brat in one of my classes and she sued the school...I'd be itching to give her anything BUT an "A" on my next subjective grading project. Who in the Hell cares if she finishes with a 4.5 or a 4.48? That is sooooooooo unimportant in the grand scheme of things. I think if my daughter was closing in on the school's #1 student position - I'd sabotage her effort! Nah, but I would tell her I couldn't give a rat's ass if she finished #1 or #46 and mean it. I know quite a few people who did REALLY REALLY well in school and haven't done a damn thing with their lives. Besides that, it wouldn't surprise me for second if #100 has more "real" friends and is much more well-rounded than #1.

Parents. Parents? Parents!

This sickens me to my core. Yes, a monster committed the crime, but where on earth were the parents? You DO NOT let a 5 year old go outside by herself and then go out to check on her 5 or 10 minutes later! I don't care that the yard was fenced in! It was chainlink! A fence is for a dog, not a child. You need to have your eyeballs on a 5 year old! My daughter will be 7 in 2 months and she isn't out of my site for 10 minutes at a time. This isn't 1975 (as much as I wish it was). This is 2006. I feel for these people for they will probably never forgive themselves - but if the dad is saying he went outside 5-10 minutes later to check on her...how long was it really? I hope the scumbag that did this gets the death penalty and I hope he gets bent over his cot on several occasions before he dies a horrible death. Freaking piece of shit. There better not be an insanity plea. You could really say anyone who wants to bring harm to a 5 year old is insane. Please let the world be rid of this worthless waste of breath. Don't let your kids have too much freedom at that age. You can't afford to in this day and age. Back in the day, I could ride my bike to little league practice 4 blocks away and then go to a friend's house to play 6 blocks away from the ball field. I didn't have to be home until the street lights came on. I wasn't 6 or 7 but I wasn't 12 either. I started to run the neighborhood when I was 9 or so. The thing is, I couldn't go anywhere and not have someone know me. My neighbors didn't change. Ever. I knew if I stepped out of line several blocks away - eyes were on me that knew my parents. Fast forward to 2006: I've lived in this house for 2 years now and I seriously don't know the first or last names of the people that live 2 doors away from me on either side of me! I don't know the name of the woman that lives across the street from me, but I say "Hi" all the time. You don't know your neighbors anymore. You might know some really well, but there are others right around you that you have no CLUE about. There is so much turnover these days in big city suburbs that it is unbelievable. This house was built in 1991 and we're the 3rd owner. Our first house was built in 1991 also and it has had 3 owners - as has the house right beside our first house. I would be willing to bet that out of the 120 or so houses in our little development, less than 10% are original owners. So, I guess if you live in a small town with little or no turnover - sure - let the kids go outside and play their hearts out because you know everyone and everyone knows your kid.....but if you live somewhere where "For Sale" signs are common or you live in a neighborhood where "thru traffic" passes through for the daily commute....you're a fool if you let your 5 year old go unattended for 10 minutes. F-O-O-L.