Steve Martin, Kindred Spirit

I remember watching this live when it first aired. Perfection. Since I was a youngster and purchased my first Steve Martin LP (which Still A Dad made me take back to National Record Mart due to langage) I was hooked. He's brilliant no matter what media he chooses to use. Who knew we wanted the same things for Christmas?

Edwards Is Hiding Something, In His PANTS!

This could be it.

This is what I said about John Edwards on February 10th, 2007.

"I get the same vibe from Edwards. No man is ever that happy. That is the damn creepiest smile I've ever seen. That's the kind of smile that sends the wife and 2.5 kids to bed behind the white picket fence and then gets online to check out the chat rooms for people with taser fetishes. Seriously, he looks like a cross between a used car salesman and a televangelist."

Do not dismiss how intuitive I am about people! I will not be ignored! That fake, sickening smile is a nervous smile. I've seen that smile on people I know. The comments following that blog article are hilarious. Most of them concern his poor wife with cancer. He's out banging hot tail and then holding her hand and crying on the talk shows. Listen, people cheat on their wives. It happens. However, when you're running for President, your wife has cancer and you're under the magnifying glass.....you might want to take it easy, Fonzie. Sure, fire back and talk about Rudy's marriages, but I believe all of that took place before he was put under the scope for his run at the oval office. Clinton was stupid and should have known he would get caught. Edwards is stupid and should have known he would get caught. This is 2007, not 1977. Everyone is a journalist and everyone has a camera. He is not a slave to the little people, he is a slave to the little dude with a helmet.

80's Goodness

Wow. A trip down memory lane. Look how young Sting & Bono were! Of course this is before both of them thought they were the most important person on the planet.

A Few Of My Least Favorite Things

While losses like the ones we've suffered recently used to drive me completely crazy and cause me to be of surly disposition - the older (and wiser) I get, I tend to be much more analytical instead of getting my panties in a bunch. There is zero chance that the Steelers will add a 6th ring this February. Zero. There's no use even entertaining those thoughts any longer. I was thinking after the first half against the Pats that we could trade blows with them and eventually punish the QB. I was wrong. You can't punish what you can't get to....and we can't get to the opposing QB to save our lives. So, after losing to the Pats, what could get us back on track better than a smack down of our old division mates, Jacksonville. They're a tough physical team but lead by a guy starting his first full season. To see the weather forecast for Sunday made me smile. How could any team come here and win in the snow? It doesn't happen. Usually when the Steeler's backs are up against the wall, they come out fighting. We never get "out-physical'd" two weeks in a row. Never. Not when we're supposedly in the mix for the Bowl. Right now, we can't do three things very well that are essential to any Super Bowl run. First and foremost, we can't protect our quarterback very well. Sean Mahan has been a huge disappointment so far to me. Jeff Hartings was a Pro Bowl center, even when he didn't make the Pro Bowl. A lot of times this year Ben has to move quickly from pressure right up the middle. It's disappointing to say the least. Marvel Smith is losing his edge as an end and there isn't a real answer on the other side. Faneca is leaving after the year which means it could get worse before it gets better. We can't touch the other quarterback on the other side of the ball. When we try and don't get there, our secondary gets picked apart. Maybe it's time to see what the youngsters can do form the OL position. Third (and not last) we got pushed around on defense again yesterday. Other teams are running on us late in the season when they couldn't early in the season. What's that tell me? We should have been better yesterday with Troy back, but we weren't. He had a few submarine tackles that saved yardage, but from him and especially Anthony Smith, I need to see more tackling...wrapping players up and actually tackling them. Smith was also exposed by the Pats and will now be taken deep the rest of the year and in the playoffs. Now that Jacksonville passed us for the 3rd seed and we're tied with Cleveland record-wise in our own division, it's not going to get any better. It's going to get worse. They smell the roses and we're trying to fight our way out of a funk. Playing a healthy Rams team away and the hated Ravens in Baltimore for a chance to knock us down another peg and end their season on a high note - I could see us losing the last two as easily as winning them. If we come out and reestablish what we do well and crush these next two teams, maybe we can go into the playoffs with some confidence. If we limp in, we might not even win a playoff game, let alone make a run for the Championship.

Squirrel Proof My Ass

You know what? I hate squirrels. Are they cute? Yes. Do we feed them peanuts off of the back patio? Yes. Are they a nuisance? YES! I've taken a liking to bird feeders and bird houses the older I get. We have a garden area that I have a ton of feeders and houses in, and I can't keep the damn squirrels out of anything that is labeled "Squirrel Proof". I paid a lot of money for a 4 pronged wrought iron shepherd's hook at Home Depot and then I mail ordered a Squirrel Baffle which is a wide long tube with a dead end that you slip onto a pole. Thing is, most heavy shepherd's hooks have a forked bottom which will not allow you to slip the baffle on. I had to buy an inferior pole to use the thing on and the hanging arm doesn't reach out far enough to keep the feeder away from the baffle. Sigh. For the 4-pronged jobbie I bought one of those big plastic saucers but it was made for hanging from a hook before a feeder, not for stopping the climbing of the pole. So, I drilled a hole through the pole, threaded it with an insulation hanger, bent the hanger and put the disk above the hanger. Great, except that the damn squirrels jump from my very short rock wall to the top of the saucer and then quickly (because it's like a see-saw) grab the pole and continue on their way to my expensive food. I'll fix them. I bought a tubed feeder that has a cage around it to keep the squirrels away from the food. I watch helplessly from the windows as they jump from the ground to the bird bath to the cage and then hang on the cage for up to 30 minutes eating away upside down. Sigh. I have 6 squirrel feeders in retrospect. While Christmas shopping at Target last weekend, I picked up another "squirrel proof" feeder. This one is really cool as you can see in the picture. It's a globed cage to allow smaller birds in to feed while keeping those pesky tree rats out. On this one the cage is far enough away from the food that they won't hang on it and just reach in. HA! I thought I would hang this one by our big window to allow the two cats to watch the birds feed. I needed a new feeder to replace the plastic Finch feeder that was there. Why was? Because I found it behind some bushes with all of the eating holes chewed off. Seems that squirrels need a bigger opening to feed than the slit that the Finches need. Damn squirrels. Ha! This will show them. They will bow to the beauty and clever design of this elegant feeder purchased from the local aisles of the one they call "Target". Wrong. I got a call today while I was out from my laughing wife. She told me I had trapped a squirrel and it couldn't get out. What did I want to name it? Well, then he's stupid I said, because what goes in must come out....it's simple physics. She grabbed the camera and got the proof before the cute little demon figured his way out. I'm going to send this picture to the manufacturer and tell him about a few upgrades he needs. I've heard greased poles don't work. I've heard .357's do....but I'm not a killer. I see this as a challenge and if you don't know me, I'm tenacious. You see, I'm currently reading nut labels to see which nuts have the most fat. That's right - I'm going to fatten that bastard up until he won't fit inside anymore. PS - the cats like the squirrels more than the birds. I think they envy their freedom. I'm afraid to travel for Christmas for fear of coming home and finding six squirrels sitting at my bar, playing my drums, drinking my vodka, smoking cigars and having their way with my tied-up cats.....who are just stupid enough to be talked into opening the door "just for a second" for one of the tailed devils begging to use the bathroom or something.

Child Killers Rejoice!

This sickens me. We need to implement a policy like Texas is trying to pass. If there is no doubt you are guilty, like one or more honorable witnesses actually saw the crime or there is DNA - then stop the appeals and just pull the trigger, flip the switch or inject the SOB. The world will be a better place without these animals. WHat I can't understand is who are these people that care so much about these criminals? Don't they have other things to be doing instead of making sure these beasts don't die? I mean, really?

Drunk In Public

This is a beautiful thing. I think he thinks he did a really good job. My good friend Big-W (I hear he's going by Pimp-W these days) once did something like this at a now defunct club in the general Philly area called Pulsations. My boy loves his 70's music and can do a spot-on dance routine while lip syncing to The Stones' "Start Me Up" that would make you laugh your ass off. The irony was that you wouldn't catch him dead dancing at any other time. To him "real guys don't dance" and if they did, they might be "fruits". Man, I miss hanging out with him! Back in the early early 90's when a few real dance clubs were still around where people dressed up and went out before the invasion of the flannel shirts - we used to go to this place occasionally. It had 7 or 8 different bars, flashing lights everywhere, hired dancers in cages and stuff and dance platforms on hydrolics or something that rose out of the floor above the dance floor with scantily clad dancers on them. People would hop up on them as they slowly made their ascent. I was there with a group of friends and we were ready to go and searching for Big-W. He was nowhere to be found. He drove up from Virginia where he was working before moving back to the general Pittsburgh area. We looked outside, in the John, behind bars...in dark corners.....and then my other boy Vailler started laughing so hard he couldn't stop.....and if you know Vailler, you know the infectious laugh that I'm talking about. All he could do was point. Pimp Daddy W was on top of one of the platforms in the air with 2-3 ladies and he was up there doing his 70's dance with his Robert Plant hair looking like he owned the joint. He had one move....and he was busting it. The rest of us just stood there watching, laughing and enjoying the moment. He was on fire....and he was ours.

Can't Beat The Reaper

You can beat your eggs,

You can beat the clock,

You can beat the buzzer,

You can beat your meat,

You can beat the competition,

You can beat the average,

You can beat box,

You can beat batter,

You can beat the rain,

You can beat the traffic,

You can even beat Tina....

But you CANNOT beat Death.

Murphy's Law

So, tonight on my way home from work, I decided to stop by Toys R' Us to pick up an item or two. The stores are much less crowded at 4:30 PM on a weeknight than on a weekend this close to Christmas. I got the three items that I wanted and headed to the checkout area. They had two main lines operating and the service desk was taking customers as well. The line I was closest to had one customer in it, so I got behind the obvious holiday shopper. It was a lady who was getting on in years, probably a grandmother. Her cart was full but mostly of big items, not that many things, but they took up a bunch of space. The smiling checker scanned her items as two more people got in line behind me. She gave a total of $236. She then asked the still sweet older lady if she would like to save 10% by signing up for a store credit card. Ugh! I was thinking "please say no, please say no, please say no" and she said "no". The checker asked her if she was sure because it would save her $23.60. Wait for it...............after 10 good seconds of thinking, she agreed. Inside, I cursed. It was a good cuss, but I can't remember it right now. The girl asked her for her driver's license. To most people, this could be accomplished rather quickly. To grandma, it took what seemed like 3 minutes. The checker took it and started to enter some stuff. I turned to the people behind me to give them the pained "half-smile raised eyebrows face" to let them know I was irritated. They weren't there. They bolted to the service line and looked to be almost done. After the girl entered the info from the license, she asked the woman another question or two that she answered. She then directed her to the electronic pad that you use to sign your name when paying with a credit card. Great. This should be fun. Technophobe at the wheel! As I contemplated moving lines myself, the other two seemed to be occupied with people that were too smart to get behind this woman. I thought to myself, "it's Christmas...be patient....be like Ben....what would Jesus do?....Jesus would wait for this nice lady to purchase her gifts....". After she poked and prodded at the screen with the stylus, she then turned to the checker (who was crossing her arms at this point) and said something about "social security number". The checker asked her to repeat herself and she said that she wasn't going to give them her social security number. Oh boy. The checker now had to call the manager and I couldn't help but let out a loud "sigh". It's in my nature. Ask Still A Dad. Ask Still A Dog. Ask Still A Wife! The checker told her what I already knew, without a Social Security number, she wasn't getting approved for the card. Given this choice, she now had to think for another 10 seconds. "No, I don't want to do it then". At this point, I'm thinking "Good, push your cart away and let me check out" but I forgot that if she wasn't putting this on her new card, she was still going to have to pay for it somehow! "$236 please", the checker repeated. I started to wonder if Jesus would grab her by the back of her hair and pull her backwards to the ground in one quick, sweeping motion? She pulled out another card and paid the total. I am willing to bet that a total of 12-14 other customers checked out completely in the other two lines while I waited behind someone who doesn't know shit about obtaining a credit card. Every fiber in my body was telling me to switch lanes at every step of this story. The thing is, I've seen this movie before....I know how it ends. Had I moved to another line, magically the old hag in this line would have sailed through the moment I left while the new person in front of me dropped dead of an apparent heart attack or worse yet, tried to pay for an iPod using pennies. I was semi-patient. I made the checker crack up after the woman strolled away without a care in the world, oblivious to the fact that she held people up. I wonder how many times she has handed a credit card over to a waiter or waitress to pay a check? Could it be that she just flat out forgot her Social Security number? We'll never know. As I went to my car to put my stuff in the trunk I noticed her doing the same thing. She looked to be having trouble with a large box and keeping her cart from rolling away as she used both hands on the box. I started to walk over towards her and she looked up and smiled at me as I extended my hands toward her. By now, I think somebody has probably heard her either screaming or beating on the inside of the trunk and let her out. Merry Frickin' Christmas. Ok, Ok, I did see her in the parking lot but she wasn't having any trouble. I just couldn't resist the imagery. It made me smile and it comforted me.

Smith Done For The Year?

Mike Tomlin said at his press conference today that end Aaron Smith may have to have season ending surgery on a torn bicep. Ouch! That would mean Eason and Travis Kirschke would have to step up, much like Chris Hoke did a few years ago. Not sure if any ends are on the practice squad (or the street for that matter) but another injury to a key starter is not what we need heading into the Jacksonville game and the playoffs. Maybe Tomlin can get Woodley into the game more to help pass rush? Who knows how this will shake out? Hopefully we'll get better news later tonight or tomorrow morning.

Europe Anyone?

This is pretty cool. An orchestra fronted by cellos banging out "The Final Countdown" by Europe.

Today's Spin

Well, it certainly would have helped to have Troy Polamalu in the lineup today as the deep middle of the field got mauled, but every team has injuries this time and year and you have to overcome them. If you want to take the glass half full approach, you could say that at worst - this game could only change our playoff seed from 3 to 4 and if we beat Jacksonville next week, we'll still probably end up being the 3 seed and this game didn't affect our season too much. If you want to take the glass half empty approach, you would say that mentally, if we have to face the Patriots again in the playoffs, it will be in our heads that we got beat by more than 2 TDs. If you need to spin it in your head again to the full side.....maybe you can convince yourself that we played it close for 39 minutes and had our heart ripped out by the double lateral that maybe Troy could have covered. Of course, the half empty glass is screaming that they threw on almost every down and we didn't sack Brady once. It was a great gameplan by the Pats. Our defense is super aggressive and the second the first play-action stayed in Brady's hands....I knew it was a TD from the length of time it took to develop at that point. You just have to wonder if the double lateral play was only put in the gameplan because of Anthony Smith? Also, for Christmas, could somebody please get Ike Taylor a pair of hands that aren't made of granite? Thank You. The first half was very exciting to watch and I enjoyed it tremendously. The second....."meh". Ten years ago this loss would have bothered me a lot more than it did today. My glass is still half full. Smith was a hair away from knocking that ball down. What if he did? Football is a game of inches and momentum. It can change on a dime. Congrats to the Pats, see you in the playoffs.

J Peezey

I read several Steeler blogs and just a lot about the NFL in general and it kills me to read people saying things like "Porter left the Steelers and now he has a chance to be on the worst team in the history of the NFL". Only half of that is true. Remember folks, the Stillers CUT Joey, he didn't leave. Upon being cut, he also said:

"The organization has always been good to me," Porter said in a television interview. "It was a great run in Pittsburgh. I have no problem with them at all. I think it was a tough decision that they had to make, and it was one they had to make and they did it in the right way."

When he made the 75th anniversary team, he was Boo'd when they showed his clips at the game. He said next to winning the Super Bowl it was his highest honor. He is such a fierce competitor, can you imagine how hard it is for him to fall asleep every night knowing how bad the Dolphins are? Wow. That would be like Britney Spears being on top of the world one day as a pop icon and then falling from her perch and landing as a circus sideshow.........oh, wait a minute....that happened as well. Anyway, you get the point. I can't help but think that somewhere today at around 4:00, Peezey is going to wish he was still in Black-n-Gold prowling the onfield warmups screaming at Tom Brady that he's going to do very bad things to his mother. Peezey plays the villain well, but while some guys really are villains, I see Joey more in the Chad Johnson role - he knows it's a character he's portraying and that the home fans eat it up with butter on top. I feel bad for him. Do I like James Harrison? Hell, yeah. Was Joey going downhill the last few years? A little. We have to keep our linebacking corp young and we've been recycling them pretty well since the day Hardy Nickerson left. With four capable starters already, we have two superb draft picks waiting in the wings....both potentially replacements for Silverback. He may not start half as long as Joey did or he could start for the next five years. It's weird that as they suit up to play the biggest measuring stick game they've played yet this year - I'm thinking about Peezey. Maybe I'm wondering who will step up today and fire the team up to the level that Joey would? Maybe I'm wondering if we get down 10 or 14 points early, who will be stalking the sidelines and telling people to not drop their heads and fight. With Polamalu likely out again and not being the vocal leader anyway, it will be interesting to see who plays cheerleader the most today. We got rid of Joey's penchant for personal fouls but did we get more than we bargained for in Anthony Smith? We're going to learn a ton about this team today. We will definitely know sometime around 7:30 PM whether this team can win it all again this year. Let's hope some '72 Dolphin's angels are out there with us.

Slanted #53 Mummy

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Slanted #52

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Is His Mouth Open?

I swear he opens his mouth. Just buy the poor little guy another turtle!

Better Than Thriller

Remember the viral video of an entire wedding party doing the dance from Thriller? Well, even though that was very complicated and probably took tons of practice (plus keeping all those people quiet about the surprise) - I like this one better! Maybe just because I like to kick it old school.

Tomlin Rules

This is not Michigan versus Appalachian State.

The Truth Comes Out

Anyone that's ever been to our house knows that Casey is his momma's boy. Just say his name or talk to him like a baby and you have a friend for life who will talk back to you. Today, as my wife and I were finishing up lunch, we looked up and this is what we saw. Apparently, Casey was upstairs and an experiment was performed to see if American Girl's doll clothing would fit him. It does. Now for the weird part, he likes it. Our deceased most awesome cat ever, Lloyd, would not even wear a collar. Any attempt to put anything on him was met with one response - fall over and not move until the offending garment or accessory was removed from his person...er, body. Casey's beautiful pink shaw was removed for fear he needed to use the litter box. He whimpered around and knocked his head into his "mommy's" legs until she put it back on him. He then proceeded to "prance" around the house to show Hershey...who was not jealous at all. In fact, if I could read his pea brain mind, Hershey was thinking "oh...well that explains a lot." Why couldn't the doll have a shaw in earth tones? That would make it marginally better. Hey, I still love him. So he likes female clothing, who doesn't every once-in-a-while? We're going to leave it on as we're expecting two families to roll through here pretty soon. I'm taking princess and two of her friends to the movies today to see Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium. She and I saw Enchanted last weekend and we thought we'd liven up this week's party with a few friends. Nothing better than treating three kids to the movies and watching their eyes light up at the counter when I tell them they can get whatever they want....I'm guessing the movie and snacks will set me back a cool $50-$60. However, pumpkin pants will be good and worn out after an afternoon of playing and I will get the family room all to myself to watch the Stillers tonight! Priceless!

Metric Schmetric

I pulled homework duty the other night. One of the assignments was to study for a science test. I grabbed the flash cards that the teacher uses and began to run through them with my 3rd grade daughter. The subject matter was impressive for 3rd grade and I'm 100% sure I wasn't learning stuff like that at that age. It had a lot to do with water and it's different states and how it changes between states. There were also some questions about displacement and tools used for displacement which brought us to several items that use liters and milliliters. I'm getting older and my memory isn't perfect, but I think I remember being told about the metric system and how it was going to rule the world back in about 4th grade. The reason I remember that is because we broke up into groups and wrote the equivalent metric measurements of some very standard English measurements. I clearly remember rolling a metric wheel up and down the hallway and jotting my findings down. That was like, I don't know, 1977? It's now 2007. It took 30 years to get to, what? In 30 years, the only thing we've fully adopted is the 2 liter soda! 30 years! 30. How many metric years is that? They changed the PA Turnpike exits a few years ago to go from sequential numbering to the MILE marker of the exit....not the kilometer marker. Can we please end the facade that we're ever going to change to the metric system? Maybe this is why the terrorists hate us? We refuse to conform. I don't want a 355 ml Diet Coke.I want 12 oz. I don't want Ben Roethlisberger to have a 274.32 meter passing day. I want 300 yards! You get the idea. Isn't it about time to just give up? If we travel abroad, we'll use a conversion table or our iPods or something....but we will never compute this stuff in our heads or know it outright. Look how many other things have changed in the last 30 years and we haven't advanced the stupid metric system one centimeter. Obviously, we either didn't really want to, or we really wanted to and the idiots running the country at the time in the Dept of Education didn't know how to implement it successfully. Either way, I think it's funny that they're still trying to cram little bits and pieces into kids' lives. If they would incorporate metrics into Wii and PS3 games....then maybe the kids would learn something about it.