Polamalu Deal Getting Worked Out

Talks have begun between Troy Polamalu's agent and the Steelers on a new deal. Finally! Some good news coming out of Steeler Nation. Some of the complaining over not signing Porter got out of hand given the amount of money the Dolphins were willing to throw at him and his complete disappearance from some games in the past 2 years. It was easy (for me at least) to cut through the sentiment and see why they cut him. Not signing Troy would be the equivalent of trading Babe Ruth to the Yankees in my opinion. You could make a case that if you had to sign either him or Roethlisberger - he should be the choice. I'll get into this more as the negotiations proceed. I'm just hoping the deal can get done for a little less than Ed Reed type money. Troy doesn't seem to be all about the dollars, but he is without a doubt one of if not the best safety in the league. In other Steeler news Chris Hoke resigned for a mere $6 million dollars for 4 years which included a $1.5 million signing bonus. Not a bad contract at all for a career backup type player who knows the system and was very solid the year he filled in as a starter.

More Good Mash Ups

This one features The Police and Snow Patrol. This one is a little better - Green Day with Oasis and others at the end including Aerosmith. And this is just too obvious as I think of "Hey Mickey" every time I hear the new Avril Lavigne song "Girlfriend".

Excuse Me While I Kill You

If this happened to my family, I would have saved everyone a lot of money and court time. I would have listened to my child and told him to get in the car, we're going to Home Depot. I would have rented a jackhammer, bought several 80lb bags of cement, duct tape and some plastic sheeting. I would roll up some carpet, dig out a coffin sized portion of my basement floor and spread out the plastic sheeting. When this monster came to the house the next time, he would have been greeted with a gun pointed at his head while we walked to the basement. I would make him mix the cement (cause I hate that shit). Then I would tape his wrists and legs together with duct tape and lay him face up on the plastic sheeting. At this point I figure me and junior would systematically beat and kick the living hell out of him with junior doing a lot of the work. I may even allow junior to give him some Phil Leotardo action (remember Veto?). While still alive, we would roll him into his coffin and dump the wet cement right on top of him. Of course we would screed it and make sure the plastic and stuff got buried in the cement as well. Roll the carpet back. I'd put some gloves on and drive his car over to the local Wal-Mart and have my wife follow me to bring me home. 45 years in jail is nothing. You can't fix what's ailing this guy. He needs to burn in hell and I'd like to help facilitate his trip.

If This Is Real.....

This is pretty sad if it's real. There is an Mtv logo in the bottom corner and I know they have a show about Sweet 16 birthday parties so I'm guessing the clip is from that. I'm too smart a cookie to believe that reality show producers aren't giving ideas out to "cast" members....but if this chick is serious and this isn't put on - I agree with the commenter who suggests she should be parachuted into some 3rd world country so she can learn to appreciate what she has. I absolutely LOVE the episode of The Sopranos when AJ is younger and screwing around in school. Tony drives his ass to the hood and pulls over and makes him take it all in, showing him how lucky he is. I'm not even mad at the girl or the parents (who are more to blame than the girl) - I feel sorry for them.

Slanted #47

Click Image For Larger View

Big Company = Butt Munch

My first task at my new job (remember, I went from an 18 person gig to a 1,500 person nightmare) was to load test the new application. Stress it out using tools until it blows sky high. Fun! I love to break stuff. I developed the plan, submitted it, got approval....and waited....and waited....and waited. I finally got a go date a few weeks ago of June 25th. Sweet. They were flying in reps from all interested parties and a Softie Specialist and it was my show. Then the date was moved to June 18th and I was going to be away. Nothing changed - just another technical guy would be playing the part of me for the week. When I got back, he was leaving for a week - but he would brief me on all happenings. The region we were using for the load test is called Pre Prod. Go figure. It was to be ready on June 8th, which turned into June 12th, which turned into the 13th, 14th, 15th.....it wasn't even ready before I left! Now the dude playing me actually had to script the stuff himself as well! Great way to make new friends at work! When I rolled in today I was expecting to get filled in on all the results. What I got filled in on was the joke. The region wasn't ready to script in until late Thursday the 21st. Everyone flew in to see we weren't quite ready. Egads! What can take so long to set up an environment to mimic production? Oh, that's right - how can you mimic something that

doesn't exist yet? All the other regions are simply virtual environments which can't be used to load test - they can, but the results are as useless as a diet book on Rosie O'Donnel's bookshelf. Once the region came live, it was discovered that the tool I trained on for 2 weeks couldn't be used on the software in question due to unexpected dynamic session variables tied into each UI. Nice. We didn't know it was going to be a problem until the software vendor turned his trace on which we couldn't do by ourselves. Nice again. Alas, the Softie had a tool that we have a license for that worked and allowed us to code around the session ID variables. He gave the other guy a crash course Friday and he gave a me 25% of that knowledge today. We hit a brick wall when we found out a patch went in over the weekend that changed the first UI on the Home screen rendering his work to that point pretty useless since this tool doesn't support mid script changes very well. i guess it would be ironic to point out here that the first tool handles mid script changes just wonderfully! So, due to hidden page names that we need the software vendor for, I can't start something that was to begin on June 18th until tomorrow the 26th. Did I mention this is going live in less than 3 weeks. Who waits that long before they stress test something? Ohm that's right - you can't stress it until it's done and a production region is ready and available. Sigh. At a small company, 4 people would shut a door and not come out until this is ready with all 4 doing the majority of the work. Now we need a meeting to see what meetings we need to see who we need to talk to and who should be filled in on the situation and what direction we should take. Sigh (again). Dilbert is so real to life it's scary. Art imitating life indeed. In the land of cubicles, the half brain twit is king. If that's true, I must be an Emperor or something. I can't get to 52 fast enough.

Slanted #46

Click Image For Larger View

Fresh Seafood

That ugly mug to the right belongs to a NC Triggerfish. Yummy, I must say. I never tried it before this week to my knowledge. The fresh fish market that Chrissy Two Coats and I went to a few times (Cap'n Willis) highly recommended it. I grilled it on low for about 10 minutes per side and lightly coated each side with olive oil. It was absolutely fantastic! So, from Saturday afternoon until Friday morning I got to eat fresh Grouper, Mahi-Mahi, sushi quality Tuna, Salmon, Clams, Trigger and Crab Cakes. On the ride home last night I even had the clam pretzel from the Maryland House rest stop. I'm going to miss all the fresh seafood and grilling it myself. I'm going to have to make a better effort to continue this trend at home.

I Am Not Worthy

He straps the first pack over his shoulder, the second goes on the same shoulder. He slings another over the other shoulder and picks up something with both his right and left hand. He leaves the confines of his safehouse and goes out into the hot 95 degree heat. The first grain of white hot sand hits his feet and it scorches him....he grimaces. As he walks across the sand to his camp, arms aching, shoulders crying - he sits down the radio, pack and slings and finally exhales. A US soldier in Iraq? No....a middle aged dude on vacation. It's pathetic to think about what our soldiers must go through and how mentally and physically tough they have to be. I complain carrying some items to our beach set-up. Instead of complaining, I should be thankful that these brave individuals are over there doing what I cannot. I was reminded of that several times this week as training jets from nearby bases buzzed the crowds at the shore. Think about it, I'm wearing a pair of trunks and nothing else with ice cold beer and water within arms reach. These guys are out there in full gear going who knows how long between cold water and or beers. These guys are girls are truly inspirational and I'm going to try to use them as such when I start training for the Philly half-marathon this year.

Onion Rings Of Gold

I don't ask for much when we go to NC on vacation. We've probably been to this island 5-6 times since we've been married and who knows how many times since my family first started vacationing here in the early 80's. I'm not the best beach go'er. I'm not a fan of getting covered with suntan lotion, having sand stick to me and swimming in the ocean. It's really why we rent a house that has a pool. There is a cost-benefit analysis done in my head when I write that check every year and walking out the door to a heated pool surrounded by thick trees without ever touching sand factors heavily into the mix! I am totally fine with just getting away for a week and relaxing.....and eating. Since we started staying at the bottom of the island, it's a much longer drive to Clawson's - my favorite place to eat here (not even a close second), but it's well worth the drive and wait. It's the only thing I really require while we're here - we MUST go to Beaufort and eat at Clawson's......and buying some Double Peanut Butter fudge at the Fudge Factory doesn't hurt either. I've converted our entire vacation group to fans as well. I've never had a bad experience there or a bad meal. It's fantastic. In my humble opinion, they have the best onion rings on the planet. I had the crab cakes last night and my little crab kept stealing bites off of my plate! Anyway, I'll keep it short as stupid net access is hard to come by down here. I'm paying .10 a minute for freaking AOL because they don't have a local number for where I'm at. One company added wireless access that you can buy daily, weekly or monthly but we can't pick it up at our house. For someone who uses the internet like a crack addict smokes crack.....it's tough.

Superb Father's Day

I hope all the fathers that read this had a good day yesterday. I know mine couldn't be beat. I woke up at 6:00 AM and got to answer some email and read a few chapters of the book I'm reading before anyone else got up. From 7:15 - 7:45 I was snug as a bug on a big cushy chair whispering back and forth with my daughter as we didn't want to wake anyone else up. We had a big pancake & fresh fruit breakfast once the rest of the house was alive and then we got ready to go to the beach. We spent several hours there before coming home for a late lunch. At this point (I think it was around 3:00 PM) I thought it might be a good idea to stretch out on the floor for a few minutes. I just had an ice cold Corona and felt a little sleepy from waking up at 4:00 AM on Saturday. It was 5:30 by the time I woke up! A nice little father's day nap! I went out to the pool for a while and then Chrissy Two Coats and I went to the fresh fish market. We grilled tuna, salmon, mahi-mahi and grouper while drinking Mint Juleps. Nice. Had the meal with margaritas. Sweet. Talked to Still A Dad for close to an hour and then watched Ron White's "They Call Me Tater Salad" over several more margaritas before calling it a night. Now if I could just get rid of this hangover.......

Beyond SOBX

Posting may be light until next Sunday, the 26th as we're leaving for our favorite vacation place ealry tomorrow morning - the 26 mile or so island that contains Atlantic Beach, Salter Path, Indian Beach and Emerald Isle. We're staying in Emerald Isle again this year at the same house as the last time....and why not....it's extremely private as you can see from the pic above and it has a heated pool. Sweet! Time to forget about work, the patio, the unfinished BBQ pit and the 87 other things that need to be done around the house. Time to eat at Clawson's and grill up some fresh seafood. The only thing that stinks about the trip this year is that we'll have to miss the funeral of one of my great uncles. He was one of the most easy-going people I've ever known. He was at Utah Beach Normandy on D + 17. I grew up only having one grandfather on Still A Dad's side. On my mother's side, I had 3 "great" uncles to act as grandfathers. My grandmother's brother and her two brother-in-laws. I got to spend the day with him and his wife two weeks ago and I'm really glad I got the chance. We're going to miss him. I hope he's playing 36 at Pebble Beach Sunday after the funeral.

Daddy Time - Sweet!

My daughter is 7 going on 8 and loves music. LOVES music. Good. She loves to sing and has had a real amp and microphone since she was about 5. We put on mini concerts all the time (to HER music, not mine, although her voice could probably do a good Geddy Lee) ) She can easily identify a song as being "the Blues" when she hears it, but her favorite artists to listen to right now are Carrie Underwood, Kelly Clarkson, Hannah Montana, Hilary Duff and The Cheetah Girls. Like I said in the previous post, TV sucked tonight so I was spending some time surfing YouTube for music clips. I wasn't even done with my first song (Pearl Jam & U2 together live) when she came bopping around the corner and wanted to search for Muppet clips. Fun as that sounded (and I mean I LOVE it when she thinks the same stuff that I think is funny, is funny) I was in the mood for music and decided to try a new game with her: we would watch a clip of one of my favorites and then I would watch one of hers. She asked me to see the first concert I ever saw so I dialed up Whitesnake for her. "Ooooooooooh gross, look at their hair!". Ha. Funny. "they look like GIRLS!". I was forgetting that she usually just hears my music. When Tawny Katain shows up for the first time with her hair that would fill a small football stadium, she shrieked even louder......"Eeeeeewwwwwwww!". If she only knew how hot her daddy used to be for that same woman! Little did we know she would end up attacking her 17th famous boyfriend/husband with a shoe! Anyway, we watched some live clips as well and then we watched Carrie Underwood - her choice - which I didn't mind one bit if you get my drift. She asked me who my first favorite band was.....so I had to roll out "You wanted the best, you got the best - The hottest band in the world..........K-I-S-S........". She couldn't believe that I liked them. If you think she thought David Coverdale's hair was offensive, you should have heard her when Gene Simmons started wagging his tongue around! It was hilarious! We saw some Kelly Clarkson, we saw The Cure, then she wanted to find some Green Day. I had to watch the lyrics as she is only used to When September Ends and Good Riddance. We BOTH love Wake Me Up When September Ends. Her birthday is in September and I think thats what started it. Anyhoooo, it's outstanding to have a song that you can dig with your daughter and you both actually like it. I like it so much that when I got involved with a band over the internet with Still Moor Cowbell (regular poster Kevin), I suggested we do that song and I volunteered to both sing it and play drums. It didn't turn out too bad. If Still Moor Cowbell can upload it somewhere and pass me the link - I'll pass it on if anyone wants to check it out. I'm not sure you can grab it off our site where we upload our tracks to be mixed if you aren't a member. Anyway - she has us on her iPod singing it and likes to show it off. Funny she does that since she told Still A. Dad something to the effect of "him and his music that he thinks is so great....". Precious, isn't she? To get back to my reason for posting this - she was trolling for a Green Day song and came across a mash-up of Green Day and Kelly Clarkson. It flat out rocks. I'm very impressed with some of the mash-ups I come across. This is one of the better ones. I saw a great movie mash-up the other day between Star Wars and Boogie Nights. Instant classic. If you saw both movies, you would really like it. That was a stupid statement. I guess I should have said "If you saw Boogie Nights" you will really like it. Enjoy the mash-up. Pass it around. Found this one later, but didn't show it to her. TV Sucks. YouTube Rules.

Sandler In Nirvana? NSFW

I love The Wedding Singer. I love Adam Sandler. I love Nirvana and Kurt Cobain. Did it ever cross your mind that as much as this song was a joke....it could literally be on a Nirvana LP. My wife and I don't buy many movies. I typically only collect movies made by my favorites - Kevin Smith, QT and the Coen Brothers. However, I recently saw The Wedding Singer in a $5 bin and couldn't pass it up. We watched it and laughed like it was the first time we saw it. The music in the movie is quintessential 80's. TV sucks. I'm going to go watch more Sandler clips on YouTube.

The Answer is 1,000

The question is: how many times can I watch this in a row and still laugh out loud?

Google Coogle?

I bet a lot of people did today.

Secret Message For Phil?

So, last night as I was doing some late night office work, I dialed up Journey's "Don't Stop Believing" on iTunes. Along with the positive message of the song and all the good nostalgic reasons for using it in the finale of The Sopranos - a certain line jumped out at me and whacked me in the head:

"Working hard to get my fill..."

fill? Phil? hmmmmm. I think it's probably just a coincidence, but a cool one at that.

The Sopranos: Series Finale Autopsy Report

How fitting. The music playing when the credits roll is something I always look forward to. Tonight, there was silence. I love the ending. It said so much with saying so little. As Tony almost played 2 other songs at the diner, he finally settled on Journey's "Don't Stop Believing", one of my favorite songs to sing along to. The way Chase made you jumpy at the end, by Meadow having a problem parking, by the trucker looking at Tony, by the other stranger walking past Tony, by the two African American guys coming in (Tony is a known racist)....Chase was showing us that life goes on for Tony, but can he ever relax? Danger is around every corner with every stranger that he doesn't know. People at the top get whacked, it's what happens. He knows it, he said as much to Bobby while fishing and heard Bobby's voice before falling asleep saying "you probably won't even hear the footsteps". I thought Meadow would walk in right after a hit on the family and survie. Then I thought there would be a robbery and Tony may try to intervene. Then, I thought maybe a robbery and Meadow would walk in and scare the guy and get shot. I was on pins and needles for the last 2-3 minutes. Good stuff.

Tony believes he's on a lucky streak and I think that's why he's not that upset about the possibility of getting pinched by Carlo's information. He was right about one thing - he was afraid Christopher would get caught with drugs and give him up. As it turns out, it was Carlo's kid. Same theory, different delivery. Only one thing upset me a little during the episode and that was AJ's car blowing up. I really think they did that just for last week's teaser. That was pretty weak at best. Uncle Junior got a great sendoff and should win an Emmy award for the way he played the part coming down the stretch. Agent Harris likes Tony, more than he wants to admit. I wonder if he requested a transfer so he would never have to put him away? Did he request a transfer? I can't remember. Anyway - the Arabs story didn't get resolved - I guess we'll have to wait for the movie. Maybe in the movie my original prediction of Meadow being on a case that involves Tony will come to fruition? I had a big bowl of ice cream to give Tony a proper sendoff. Maybe I'll have to buy the DVDs and watch 13 episodes every 2 years, just like real life. I really thought maybe Paulie and Tony would get hit at the end sitting outside. That scene reminded me of the very beginning of the series. I also thought as he was in the back yard the ducks might come back. Nada. I did catch AJ quoting his grandmother again with the "drama" comment directed at Tony. That's Chase's way of letting us know that Livia ruined Tony, who in turn may have ruined AJ. They had Tony saying "Poor You" a few times this season as well.....another Livia quote. I enjoyed the episode as well as the season. Good writing all around. I'm glad Phil's head caved in like a melon. It's HBO - they should have shown it.

I'm Never Playing Drums Again

This kid is sooooooooooooooo good it's scary. I couldn't do half of this stuff if I played 12 hours a day. Now I know how Ringo Star must feel.

More Moves than U-Haul

This is funny. Back in my prime, I could do a pretty mean "Lasso Dance" ala John Travolta in Grease during the hand jive. I haven't tried it in a while. I'm getting so old I might hurt myself.

Jolie: Hypocrite

Angelina Jolie recently said something about her eating habits after returning from Africa. I don't have the quotes in front of me but they read them on the Stern show last week. Basically she was saying she doesn't enjoy eating right now and is eating a lot of rice and stuff and feels guilty because of how much they have and how little some people have in other parts of the world. Well, how bad can you feel when your man buys you a gold card with a poem on it that he wrote? Really? I mean, come on! We get it - you feel bad for the poor. Either sell your houses, mansions, cars and jewelry and give it all to the poor and live on $200k a year or open up a big can of "Shut The Fug Up" and take a swig. Really. Here is what you offer the world.....you're hot and your dad was famous. Got it? If your dad was Joe Mugalutz, we wouldn't even know who you are. If your dad was Jon Voight and you looked like Natalie from The Facts Of Life, we wouldn't know who you are. At least Brad can act, but he needs to drink from your can as well. You are famous and have money because of your looks, and you feel guilty about it to some degree, so you are constantly trying to change your image to a deep thinking savior. Well, stop spreading your legs and licking strawberries in magazines and maybe you'll change people's minds. "Bradley, I simply cannot eat this Beef Wellington while little children are starving in Africa...bring me two grapes........no, one and a half...I have to fit into the Versace for Saturday's red carpet because it goes with the Ferrari."

The Sopranos: Week 8 Autopsy Report

Instead of rehashing the entire episode, I'm going to lay out what I think is going to happen next week during the final week of the season and series. Late last season I thought Meadow would get righteous and be part of a court case against Tony. Well, that didn't happen. I thought before this year started that AJ was going to die....and it almost happened, but didn't...at least not yet. I guessed correctly that Christopher wouldn't make it out of the season alive and was right about that, but after Bobby and potentially Sil got whacked this week, that wasn't really going out on a limb. I also predicted that Tony would end up in prison, which still may happen. What this goes to show you is that David Chase is so good - somebody that watches - no, dissects - each episode (sometimes twice) has no idea which direction the plot will go next. There are so many ways the series could end. I have two half-baked theories remaining. I'd like to get them both down and dated so I can say "Ha! I TOLD you so" if it happens, but I'm starting to wonder if that's anything to brag about with only one episode remaining. Theory Number 1: Paulie Walnuts has been playing both sides for several years. Several items support this theory. There was the Ginny Sak joke that made it back to Johnny courtesy of Paulie. Paulie even went to Johnny in NY and offered his services but was then offended when Sak had little idea of who he actually was. Paulie was crushed when nobody came to his mom's funeral and somewhat vowed revenge. He is always hurt by Tony who shows him little respect...remember the portrait incident with the horse. There was another time when Tony told Paulie not to touch the son of the late garbage tycoon after his mother's pleading and Paulie disobeyed him immediately and roughed him up and shook him down. Why? Did Paulie know he had an ace in the hole in NY? Now think about this...... when NY decided to take out Tony and his crew, the first name that came up for consideration was Paulie and that idea was immediately shot down. Only Tony, Sil and Bobby were to be hit. They said they would then deal with whomever was left. Paulie perhaps? Interesting. Didn't Paulie seem a little miffed when the order was given to hit Phil? Why? Was it just because he didn't want to start a war, or because he knew he was going to run things if Phil got to Tony first? Again, interesting. Maybe Paulie helped botch the hit on Phil? Here's the interesting theory - what if while Tony is sleeping in the safe house, Paulie climbs the stairs and puts a bullet in his head? It could happen. I don't think fans would cry foul either....some groundwork has been put down for this theory. I'm sure there are many more things that could be added to this list. The second theory has to do with Agent Harris. I have a feeling he hasn't made his last curtain call yet. What if Tony reflects on his life and he knows more about the Arabs than he originally let on? What if he goes to Harris and says he wants out? Could Harris get him a deal if he rolls over and gives up Phil or any other information? I don't think Tony is a rat, but he is desperate right now. He may choose prison over getting killed, but it just doesn't seem like him. Maybe he's been collecting evidence for just such a scenario to save himself and his family? I know that's a lot of question marks for one theory, but to generalize it - I think he could go to Harris for help. The crazy thing is, on any other tv show, the fact that Harris got transferred to Homeland Security and Tony gave him info about the two Arabs would be foreshadowing. There is no way that issue would not forward the plot along. However, on The Sopranos, look how many times it's happened in the past; the Russian getting away from Paulie and Christopher (well, maybe?), Melfi getting raped and countless other dead-ends. What does it all mean? If AJ isn't involved somehow in the finale, then why even drive him to suicide near the end of the run? We've seen a vindictive Janice before, maybe she will explode? It's still in the realm of possibility that Tony has had enough and he'll just swallow the mouth of the gun that Bobby bought him and pull the trigger. I know one thing, on Sunday night at 8:55 when I dish out my bowl of ice cream and turn out the lights to forget about everything in life for a while, it's going to be hard to face the fact that this show is ending. I've said it before and I'll say it again - taking time with your family out of the picture - once you hit a certain age in life the number of things that you really, truly enjoy start to decline. What really makes you happy? What do you look forward to? I look forward to my yearly football weekend in the fall with Still A Dog featuring guest appearances by Still A Dad, Big W and Cornbread if I can swing it. I look forward to watching every play of every Steeler game every year...no matter if they are 5-11 or 13-3. Bill Cowher re-ignited my passion for Steelers football as college and all the distractions there were ending for me. Here's to hoping Mike Tomlin can build on that and keep the fire burning. It's only going to take one Rooney to fall too far from the tree and then football for me may end up where baseball, basketball and hockey are right on my priority list (somewhere around 111, 137 and 82 respectively). I look forward to being alone in my own house so I can turn the music up to 9 and play along on my drums without getting yelled at. And finally, I enjoy the heck out of watching the finest show ever made for television - The Sopranos.

Larry Zierlein's Take

If the above name isn't familiar to you, he's the Steelers new Offensive Line Coach - you know, the one that e-mailed porn to all of the NFL suits. Well, after reading an interview with him this week, something else he said troubles me far worse. He was asked about the competition for center now that Jeff Hartings is gone. Sean Mahan was signed away from the Bucs and I thought he would be the front runner over career backup Chuki Okobi. Zierlein has reported that out of all the mini-camps, the job is still up for grabs stating that neither "has stepped out" or "taken the job". Great. What does that say about both of them? I'd say it says we now have two number twos. The team is built around the center and nose tackle. We've only had 4 centers since the mid 60's in Ray Mansfield, Mike Webster, Dermonti Dawson and Hartings. In my mind, Mahan was brought here to start. Heck, hartings probably gimped out one more year because everyone knew Okobi wasn;t this team's starting center. He's overpaid as a backup as well. Here's my take: Mahan hasn't stood out yet because he's still learning the books. He's been here a few months and already pulled even with Okobi who has been here since 1986 (or so it seems). Mahan will start and I'm predicting Okobi and his 2 million dollar contract for this year will be shown the door. You heard it here first.

Slanted #45

Click Image For Larger View

Thou Protests Too Much

Listen, I love kids. Got one myself. I go to all of her functions. A lot of times I'm the only dad present. I try to be wacky and fun and make her friends laugh. Did I mention I love kids? Big kids, little kids, skinny kids, fat kids, tall kids, short kids....smart kids, dumb kids (let's be honest about it - where do you think dumb adults come from? That's right, dumb kids grow up too)....but if you noticed, the one kind of kid I didn't mention was - the dorky kid. Humanus Dorkus, if being watched by Wile E. Coyote. I hate to rag on kids and I won't use any pictures or names - but for lack of anything good on TV last night - I watched the Scripps National Spelling Bee. Egad. E-G-A-D. Egad. Now I know what Bill Gates must have been like at 12. I'm telling you what, my daughter is no slouch at academics at all, but given the choice of an afternoon play date with any of the 15 finalists or spit shining her room every night for the next year - her mouth would be pretty dry at night. There are smart, bright kids...and then there are the Stephen Hawkings of the world when they were preteens. These kids are so scary smart, they aren't normal! How on Earth does a kid who composes music and solves math equations for a special math program at an esteemed university sit around with the boys and discuss whose ass is nicer, Hilary Duff's or Brenda Song's. These 12 year old boys lock their doors and worry about German. Most 12 year old boys lock their doors and study with Herman, the one-eyed German. Tell you what....line up all 15 of those kids and you'll have two things. You'll have 15 of the best spellers in the country and you'll also have 15 kids without a tan who can't catch any of the spheres used in organized sports. The one mother said "My daughter isn't a nerd or a bookworm." Well, who asked you? Nobody mentioned that yet she offered it right up. Less than 5 minutes later she was recalling how a few years ago her whimsical daughter was so worried about global warming that she typed up flyers about checking your parent's tire pressure and handed them out in the school hallways. Ok, that's perfectly normal....for someone who hasn't turned 13 yet. Can you imagine the pressure on these kids? Remember the one year when the kid passed out at the mic and it made it around the web? These poor, poor...POOR kids! All the parents say "they just love this so much". I cry BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT they like it so much. These twisted folks have their kids brainwashed to believe that they like it. How many 11 year olds have the plums to tell mommy dearest that they would rather go see Green Day than stay home and study Latin conjugations? I can just hear them...."you still want to be in the Bee this year...DON'T YOU honey?" Didn't they see Akila and the Bee? Don't they know that's THEM? Sure, the one kid is well rounded who composes piano concertos and can find the area of a peanut using the cylindrical shell method, but some of the others...you could just feel it... they want to make their parents happy....and the stupid parents are too blinded by the attention to see it. Nobody talked about friends or groups or teams..... I would love....LOVE....to read a paper or article about the 15 finalists 15 years from now. Do they crumble under the pressure later in life? Are they doctors? Are they on welfare? Are they playing bass in Weezer? I would simply love to find out as I'm very curious. Kids need to learn how to relax and hang out...just kick it with their homies. Did you see the movie Stand By Me? Classic movie about kids that age just kickin' it. Leave the house after getting home from school and don't come home until the street lights come on. Seriously, how many of those 15 finalists have done that so far this spring? This grouped looked like any one of them could fall flat on their face as they walked to the mic....they looked that uncoordinated. Except the one kid from Canada...which begs the question about it being the "National" spelling bee. Kids grow up way too fast these days as it is, let's let them bee kids a little longer. I almost feel bad for calling them dorks. Let's change it to the parents are dorks, and the kids are just odd. Just a little odd. Like Rosie is a little fat.....and a little gay.