The PacMaker

Wow. Now here is a match made in heaven. Pacman Jones and Michael Irvin together on Irvin's radio show. Nice. Did you hear they went out after the show? TMZ.com had them followed and this is a snippet of the article that will appear tomorrow.....

"...they left the studio in Pacman's Hummer with 29" wheels and rolling rims. Through the tinted glass we saw Irvin do a line off the dashboard while Pacman guzzled from an open bottle of Chrystal. We followed them to Dina's Den of Debauchery where they got out and stumbled to an ATM machine. Pacman filled up a paper sack with what appeared to be about $11,000 while Irvin stuffed his pockets with roughly $8,000. Michael's cellphone rang out with NWA's Fug The Police as his ringtone. He had a short conversation where we overheard him repeatedly demand a delivery of some sort to the club and also bring his favorite pipe. When questioned, Irvin said it was Domino's and they were bringing pizza and some cheese BITES. We followed them in the club where Pacman already had 13 nude girls grinding up on him in a corner. Irvin took off his shirt and joined in as Kid Rock's Cowboy blasted from the speakers. Another gentlemen seemed to be with them but we couldn't make him out through all the marijuana smoke. He appeared to be older and very ugly with tight skin....almost Montgomery Burns-like in stature wearing a blue suit. As he began to stand up, their personal security guard who looked amazingly like Nate Newton started to growl and mope in our direction so we bolted......"

Dead Pool Anyone?

So yeah, I like to wager. I was called "The Commish" at one place of business because I ran every pool you can imagine. I ran the golf league, the fantasy football league, the weekly nfl pool, the ncaa bracket, the super bowl grid....we even drew horse names for the big horse races. If you could bet on it - we did. We even ran a "Dead Pool" for a while. We held an initial draft where 5 people kicked in money and we picked 4 celebrities that we thought might die soon. Morbid! Every 2 weeks we added more money and had another round of drafting. It ended up being won by Still A Heff who had 2 people on his list die THE SAME DAY. I kid you not. Look it up. It's a fact. March 27, 2002. Dudley Moore and Milton Berle. I saw both names over a span of a few hours and I thought I was going to have to look up the official time of death to make our league official. As it turned out - he had BOTH of them. Anyway, my point here was that if you were starting one today - I don't care how many 98 year-old celebrities are out there, I'm taking Pacman Jones. Trouble doesn't find you for no reason. He'll be dead in the next year. As an aside, Still A Heff also won the only other round we played by having John Lee Hooker. I hope down there near Baltimore Heff isn't having any bad dreams about me!

Mrs. PacMan In Denial

As the league gobbled up Adam Pacman Jones today by suspending him for the entire 2007 season, his mother told reporters "I just pray that this can be changed. This is not fair for him. It's just not fair." Nice. Maybe if she would have kicked his ass a few times when he was younger, this wouldn't have happened. What a poor attitude to have. You'd think she'd be embarassed or in tears. She should be lucky he's still alive. It's shocking that a man making millions of dollars can't control himself in such a manner that the police don't need to question him 10 times in less than 2 years. Yeah, I don't know what it's like to grow up as Pacman did, but I do know that hundreds of other NFL players have - and I don't have to read about them every 6 weeks for getting in trouble with the law. If I was the paralyzed bouncer in Las Vegas - I'd be afraid for my life. After Jones "Rain Dance" where he threw $80k into the air - a scuffle ensued between his posse and bouncers. A man was shot. This is crazy. Couldn't he just order up some escorts to his room? I know if I was in a position to hang out and party with sports celebrities - I would leave immediately if this joker or Chris Henry showed up. Heck, I'd leave if ANY Bengal showed up. When will these kids learn? Maybe the league should change it's policy to deferred payments. You still earn what you earn, but can only make $250,000 in any one year. The rest is kept as a kind of pension to be paid out over the rest of their lives. These guys would buy their Ferrari and then almost be out of money. It would certainly teach them to live better than 97% of the population, but still not allow them to go crazy. I think I'll write a letter to the league.