Let me begin this rant by saying that you'll be hard-pressed to find another male my age that gets more "up" for Christmas. I listen to Christmas Tunes from Thanksgiving through New Year's, I actually look forward to putting lights up outside my house, I handle the Christmas cards for my family, I watch all the "old school" Christmas Specials with my daughter so she'll appreciate the classics and I really honestly try to buy people gifts that I think they'll like....not just what's on sale. As I'm typing this, I'm listening to Trans-Siberian Orchestra and we just got done watching "Elf" for the 37th time. I like Christmas. Ya Feel Me? Well, yesterday.....not so much. A group of our friends from our church and daughter's school had planned to go to New York City. One of the ladies organizes trips and she had a bus for a 40+ person party and tickets for the Christmas Spectacular at Radio City Music Hall. We weren't going to the show as we had other things we wanted to get in. We were to meet at the school at 7:30 AM for a 7:45 departure. When we got there, it took a couple of minutes to figure out, but the bus wasn't there and the hostess was away from us on the phone. Uh-Oh. Not a good sign. She came over to us teary-eyed and we felt really bad for her as she's one of the nicest people on the planet. It seems the bus company that she's used the last 3 years for this trip mistakenly put down the date from last year's trip as the date for this year's trip which would be Monday, not Saturday, and she even called to confirm a few days ago. They had a bus, but they didn't have a driver. I offered to drive, but nobody seemed real excited at that prospect. As the start time of the show loomed large, the group decided to trek up to Trenton NJ where we could catch a direct train in. The drive is about 45 minutes to Trenton. So, with everyone not knowing exactly where to go, Mr. Hostess booked back to his house and printed out copies of directions for everyone. Luckily, we had GPS with us so we left. Some folks didn't have enough gas to get there so there were splinter groups everywhere headed up to Trenton. When we got there, of course the lot was full so we had to go to another pay lot. It was at this point that my daughter figured out she couldn't take her bag with her that she was going to leave on our chartered bus. It had a blanket, some sketch pads....stuff like that. Oh Well. We got inside and Mr. Hostess was already in line buying 40-something roundtrip tickets to NYC as they felt horrible about the bus. They also had tons of snacks, wine and beer for the bus that we couldn't take on the train.We made the next train which took just over an hour to get to the city and gave the folks going to the show about 25 minutes to get to Radio City Music Hall. This actually worked out for us because now we could stay later than the departure time of the bus which was 5 PM. Instead of having 7 hours in the city.....we now had all day. We didn't need to be back until the last train. Now the fun just really starts. I had my Crackberry set to Google Maps and we had a portable GPS, but I had our day mapped out in my head and it was to start at 42nd street bus station....not Penn Station at 31st and 7th. Our first stop was Times Square so we had 10 blocks to walk and that doesn't count the two I started in the wrong direction making it essentially 14. Nice. As we neared where Broadway and 7th intersect, the crowds became unbearable. You literally couldn't stop walking. If you did, you'd get run over. They had 2 cops at every road in each intersection making 8 cops per. If it wasn't for the cops, the cars wouldn't be able to move. It was crazy. I put my daughter between us and I lead the way. I worked in Center City Philadelphia for 5 years, but the busiest parts of Philly at lunch were nothing like this. Nothing. It was a crush of humanity. It was taking significant time to just go one block. We ducked into Toys R Us. What a mess. There was no place to stand. We got in line for the Ferris Wheel, but it was sold out for the next hour. It looked like the inside of an ant farm in the store. I'm not sure how you could even shop. We saw the Barbie life size dollhouse and left. We ducked into a slightly less busy Swatch store and enjoyed the space for a while.....even bought a really cool watch for princess. I got my bearings as we were headed up to Top of The Rock next. We went back out into the mess and started walking again. I can't emphasize enough how crowded it was. If you hesitated for 1/10 second 5 people got between you and your party. It was a madhouse. 30 Rock was cool and we bought our tickets the night before online, but literally, it's a $60 elevator ride for 3. It was a pretty clear 38-40 degree day so the views were good...but 70 floors up, it's crisp. We came down and checked our time as we had reservations with friends at American Girl Place. We went out to the plaza to check the Ice Rink wait.....over an hour. We snapped pics of the tree and the skaters and then tried to leave the crowd behind. I swear to the dude born on Christmas that you didn't have 1 foot of free space in any direction from you. We had 30 minutes to spare so we went to St. Patrick's Cathedral which was right there. Again, I felt like cattle going to slaughter. We waited in a line to light a candle and walk past the nativity scene...which was nothing special other than being semi life-sized. I checked my map and headed to the land of dolls. We passed another huge line and discovered it was for Saks window displays. I was glad it wasn't for American Girl Place......until I saw the line for American Girl Place. Jesus, Joseph and Mary. I swear to Buddha there were over 150 people in front of us. Everyone said it moved fast. As people came out they let people in. The entrance is on the long block sides and it was over half a block long. When we got in, it was worse than Toys R Us. Not even sure how you could see anything. We immediately went up to the 4th floor and checked in for dining. When I saw the guy of the family we were eating with.....he looked beat up. He has 3 girls. I don't know how he could keep tabs on all 3 in the store, let alone on the street. I turned me head once and I lost my 2 much shorter family members. It's insane. The had security at the top of every escalator. I don't know how they make any money in their stores with the amount of workers they have. I told my wife there must have been 150 employees working. I'm not kidding. Don;t even get me started on the cost of the food or what it consisted of. It was at this point that we decided we had had enough. It was about 4:00 PM. We had been in NYC for 5 hours and it seemed like 50. My daughter wanted to get her doll's hair done. We went to the spa and checked the wait.....1 hour 20 minutes. We should have checked her in before eating but we didn't know you could do that. Disappointed again, we left the store. We contemplated taking a cab as we were now on 49th and 5th...needing to go to 31st and 7th. Ugh. We decided to walk back. That lasted about the length of one long block where I was touched by about 64 strangers and I hailed a cab. It was princess' first cab ride and it was everything you hear about. Fast. Furious. Reckless. Couldn't understand a damn word the guy said. Not even sure where he was from. To go the 18 short blocks took about 3 minutes and the fare was only $4.90. Here's $10, Merry Freaking Christmas. Whatever he said back he was very Happy. Now we just had to walk the 2 long blocks as their was gridlock traffic and I didn't want to change a $5 fare into $20 with the wait. We at least had space to maneuver down there as the crowds were all in Times Square.....until we go to the NJ Transit portion of the trains. When they announced Trenton, the entire world stood up to go to track 13. Another crush of humanity. I again put my daughter between us and you didn't have to think about moving. The crowd was moving us. I could see fear in my daughter's face and I didn't like it. Mind you, these are families just like us trying to get into the correct tunnel. The next train was in 14 minutes. You weren't going to turn into a pumpkin or a pillar of salt if you didn't make this train. We finally got through the doorway and there was the double-decker train awaiting us. Most doors were already closed. We found one with a few empty seats but they weren't together. I had 2 young guys move their stuff off of two unoccupied seats for my wife and daughter. They were 4 seats facing each other in a corner. I had a guy right behind them move his stuff so I could sit with him and he wasn't happy about it. After thinking about it, and seeing how uncomfortable my daughter was.....I again stood up and asked the two guys to trade seats with me and this dude so I could sit with my family. They seemed reluctant at first, I have no idea why, and then I was like "come on guys, I want to sit with my daughter" so they agreed. So, what was the good part of Saturday? We were home at 7:30, in the snow, sitting in the hot tub at a nice 102 degrees. My daughter said something very poignant at that point....."Can you believe just 3 hours ago the mess we were in?". Very astute. No, baby, I can't. Mark this down....I will never, ever.......ever........go back to New York after Thanksgiving. I want to go back for sure, but not to the tourist trap that is Times Square. F That. I was just at Disney in April and I never once feared getting separated from my child. I clutched her hand yesterday like Rosie O'Donnell clutching a Klondike bar. I was very uncomfortable and like I said, I'm fairly used to navigating urban areas on foot. I have no idea how older couples from Iowa do it. I really don't. New York for Christmas? Bah Effing Humbug.
