FAN: Winter Olympics Random Rant

I'm finding that the older I get, the more I realize I don't really like the Winter Olympics. Maybe I don't even like the Olympics, period.

At least for the summer, the sports seem more pure to me. You line guys up to run the 100, it's man against man. Same track, same conditions. It seems like every Winter event I watch - I can find fault with.

I watch the bobsledding and luge events and see that 37 teams all finish within 2 seconds of each other. I would love....love.....to strap two crash test dummies into a sled and send it down the track. I'm pretty sure they could get on the podium. In fact, I'm willing to bet that if had data dating back 50 years as to the combined weight of the sledders and sleds - we would begin to see a pattern for these small differences in time. Still A Fan and his one bad cat and one good cat take Bronze in 1 Human 2 Animals Bobsledding!

Ski Jump looks the same to me. Strap some skis on me which I have never done in my life and let me on that hill. I think I can beat at least one person from a warm country. Seriously! What if I'm the lucky bastard who gets a big lift from the wind at the precise time of takeoff? During one of the alpine events the first skier had perfect vision and it was a downright blizzard halfway in. How is that fair? Also, aren't there advantages, disadvantages just from the condition of the course as more skiers go?

Don't even get me started about skating. I like the racing, especially the short track but I wonder where it originated. Most likely a poor country. It's like 4 guys racing in my frozen hot tub. Just think if they did that with summer track. Cool. I just hate the judged events. Hate them. I like clear winners. That little cry baby Nancy boy sissy from Russia...Plushenko or something? I'm pretty sure my 10 year old girl can kick his whiny ass. I am so tired of him.

I'm tired of this guy Dick Buttons who has to weigh in on everything skating. Who cares? I'm tired of the opening and closing ceremonies. Does anybody remember such drama and waste from the 70's or 80's? They said Canada spent $300 million dollars on the opening ceremony and that it was a fraction of what China spent. People want me to send $ to Haiti and even donate to our starving American kids yet nobody has an issue with a 3 hour "show" costing $300 million dollars to produce? And what's with the natives dancing the ENTIRE TIME the teams were walking out? I would have killed somebody, seriously.

The Olympics have become too big for their own britches. You win a bronze medal and the first thing you are asked seconds later is if it hurts not to get the gold. For F's sake buddy....I'm the 3rd best person in the world at LUGE.....LUGE!.....let me enjoy it before this angry guy from Pennsylvania super glues a bowling ball into my...luge?....in an attempt to take my medal away from me.

Michael Phelps Owns The Pool

This is hilarious.

Stop Reading - Brighten Your Day

If you know me, you know I don't read fiction. I haven't read fiction in a LONG time. I read periodicals and business books - that's about it. I got my new Sports Illustrated today and read it cover-to-cover as usual and there is a great article in it (depending on how you look at it) about how the Chinese government basically white-washed everything about the Olympics and are trying their best to make sure they are viewed in a positive light. I followed that story up by reading online (my favorite preference) about how the performers in the opening ceremonies were treated. The people in the boxes had to wear adult diapers....nuff said. One girl is paralyzed from the waist down from a fall during practice with adverse weather..... the flying / singing girl was replaced by a lipsync artist because the real singer wasn't cute enough.... bragging by the director that they could do more in a week than American performers could learn in 2 months.... it's very enlightening. I also read this week in another magazine that illegal drivers in America (no valid license) kill on average 25 people per day. Think about that for a second. I know I've made comparisons like this before, but this one is crazy. We've lost a little over 4,000 men in Iraq since Feb 2003. That's roughly 2 deaths per day. People go ape shit over that statistic. We all agree, one death is tragic and nobody is making light of any death.....but when you realize that 116 people die on American highways every day....and about 25 of them are caused by drivers without a valid driver's license....it's enough to make your head want to explode. The story goes into details about how people from other countries who probably can't read just plow through intersections and kill families. You read about people with 8-10 traffic convictions having their license taken away on a Monday and then they end up killing someone within a week. It's a tough article to read. The guys in Iraq signed up for the military. I'm talking about families dying who are in a car, wiped out by someone who shouldn't be behind the wheel - and nobody seems to be doing anything about it. We're a country of very bright resourceful people when we need to be: to make a better video game, to allow us to have 1,000,000 different ringtones on our phones, we have robots to vacuum our carpets and my car remembers where I had my seat and steering wheel when my wife is done driving it. You can buy a toaster that will darken one slice more than the other. Our dogs don't need a fence anymore. My daughter can play checkers with her grand pap who lives 250 miles away. Everyone has Crackberry thumbs. Why can't we devise a simple product or two that can do the following:

1. Attach to the steering column and kill cell phone signals within 5 feet of the steering column if the car is running.
2. Have some type of breathalyzer on dash to detect if the person is past .08 and not start the car if so. Or, have an 8 digit password to start the car which would be difficult to remember or punch in if totally loaded. Any idiot can turn a key.
3. A system to ensure people without a valid license won't drive. How about, if you get caught, you go to jail for 5 years with no questions asked. People will say, we need space for hardened criminals. Well, I submit that if an illegal alien smashes an SUV into a mother and her baby killing them....a fine and never being able to get their license is no big deal.

I hate to say it, but some countries in the Middle East do a much better job of preventing crimes and idiotic behavior with their barbaric system of deterrents. Maybe if you rape someone and get castrated, it will deter people. Maybe if you get caught breaking and entering and lose your legs, it will deter people. Maybe if you kill someone and get shot between the eyes within a week....the murder rate would go down. It sounds drastic, but when 25 people per day die for no good reason, it just doesn't make sense to me. If all the energy that political foes of the war went to address this one issue, do you think the problem could be alleviated by half? If it was alleviated from 25 to 22, they could save more lives than bringing home the boys from Iraq. Makes you think, doesn't it?

Boo Bob, Boo

Did anybody hear Bob Costas say "There's Henry Kissinger negotiating his way to his seat". Sly, Mr. Costas, sly.

Olympic Cheerleaders?

As I woke up Saturday morning around 6 AM at Great Wolf Lodge in the Poconos, I reached for the remote to watch some Olympic coverage before the rest of the family woke up. What I saw was ridiculous. Cheerleaders at a volleyball match. Weird. Standing there...just watching...clapping..... It looked very out of place. Watching the opening ceremonies it seemed like there were about 1,000 cheerleaders. I thought it was just for the opening. Not so. How far will they take it? Will they show up for say, Discus? Archery? I checked out some men's Badminton but didn't see any. Those guys were sick. I could barely see the shuttlecock it was moving so fast. I tend to think of badminton as a lazy backyard endeavor, not a fast paced Olympic sport. I was glad to get home to watch some of the coverage in HD. What a difference. When the swimmers crash the wall and they go to the underwater shots it's crazy clear.

Beard Makes US Swim Team

Congratulations! My second favorite female swimmer just made the Olympic team for the fourth time. I think she was 14 when she first made the team and 15 at the actual Olympics. I had trouble finding a picture in her US Swimsuit so I thought this one would do. Nothing you wouldn't see at the beach, so no complaining. Since she did Playboy a few years ago - I could have used one of those, but this is a family blog......well.......