Slanted Captions: Polar Bears

Herb: "Wait, was that Right-Right-Left or Right-Left-Right?"
Maude: "Jesus Herb, It's Right-Right-Left....and stay off my paws!"
Herb (Under Breath): "I'm going to kill the bastards that green-lit Dancing With The Stars"

Horrific Ending To Quality Time

Last night was an almost perfect night for me. I got to spend lots of quality time with my daughter. After dinner we played a game of chess, rode bikes and scooters and hit tennis balls to each other on the driveway. After she was snug as a bug and ready for bed we flipped on the tube and went to Animal Planet where there was a polar bear special on. We were laughing away at the two cute cubs a mother bear had and kept saying how much we wanted one. They kept making references as to how dangerous it was for the cubs away from mom and how they didn't go off on their own until they were three. While wondering for food a large male started to follow them, almost stalking them as they made their way across the tundra. He was hungry and desperate and would attack other polar bears if he was starving. The mom tried to hurry the little ones along as they searched for food. When they first come out in season it has been a long time since they ate enough food to sustain them. The smallest of the two cubs fell behind and the mother decided to stop and rest. The large male kept coming forward, maybe 100 yards behind them. I started to sense what was going to happen and wanted to change the channel but I thought they wouldn't actually kill off a cute cuddly polar bear cub...mom would certainly scare him away. Then the announcer said that the male was three times the size of the mom. Uh oh. As the male closed in slowly, the mom nudged and moaned at the young cub to get up and move but in the storm and without the proper body fat, the little guy was already freezing and was barely alive. The male bear suddenly rushed the cub that was still standing and the mom got between them as if to say "you are not getting both of my cubs". The male retreated and went over to the half frozen cub.....and before I could grab the remote and change it....started TEARING HIS FLESH OFF!!!!! Yup, my daughter started to cry. Not a big crocodile tear loud cry, but her eyes were wet and her face was sad. When the mother bear grabbed a seal...the director made the seal out to be nothing more than a piece of food...needed to survive. The seal may as well have been a Popsicle to her. But the cute little cub? Showing the male chewing on it with a bloody mouth?!? Yes, nature is nature, but really! We could have done without the graphic close-up! It was bad enough if it was left to the imagination, we didn't need to see it. How in the hell am I supposed to answer "Why did he do that, daddy?". I can't say "because he's a giant dickhead, honey, with no feelings". I just had to explain that he was going to die whether the male bear was there or not...so at least if the male bear eats him...he won't die as well. I could see it in her eyes. She was M-A-D mad at the male and could care less if he starved to death. It was like Sophie's Choice but with bears. Had the mom fought for the little cub, she could have lost her own life as well as the other cub's. She chose to accept her loss and move on. What a hard thing to accept and deal with for a kid. I also pointed out that the seal they ate earlier in the show had a family as well and that's just how nature is. It's easier to deal with if you convince yourself that once a small animal leaves mom for good - they probably don't even have a concept of "mom" anymore. Remember, I'm no PETA person and I like my meat rare and my shoes leather, but this wasn't Nemo's mom taking an off-camera hit in a cartoon - this was bloody and real. So I guess polar bears taste like chicken....white meat?