FAN: Cleveland Chooses Holmgren's Mediocrity

Thank You Cleveland Browns. Thank You, Thank You....Thank You. Why? For hiring The Walrus of course! This hyped up pile of steaming poo is the poster boy for NFL mediocrity. I can't believe (actually I can) the way the press is all over every move the man makes. Where are the graphics showing the man's credentials to take over a franchise? Without knowing the facts before writing this I think his credentials suck monkey balls.

So, off to Wikipedia I go, in search of why Cleveland is all gaga over this guy. Holmgren coached 7 years in Green Bay with a record of 75-37. Very good. He began with 3 9-7 seasons in a row while Brett Favre learned how to play the game and then while Brett was in his prime he road his horse for a 48-16 record and playoff success and a Super Bowl win (and a SB loss). He had great success at Green Bay when tethered to Favre and his waistline, I mean legend, grew.

This is where it gets fun. Mike's ego wanted to run his own team. He wanted to buy the ingredients and cook the meal. Seattle offered him that opportunity and he jumped at the chance in 1999. He went 9-7 in his first year there. Decent enough but it takes time to turn a program around, right? He got worse in 2000. Much worse. His record was 6-10. Ask Bill Belimort, it's hard as Hell to win games without a star quarterback. In his third season as Seattle's football czar, Mike went 9-7 again. Ok, Now he's back on track and is set up to succeed in season four - except he didn't. He went 7-9. So, the genius Mike Holmgren was brought in to win and so far as the man in charge of everything, he's posted a 31-33 record. How did ownership react? They stripped him of his GM role and said "Just coach please". He couldn't run the organization. He failed at the thing he wanted most.

Without running the organization he had immediate success going 10-6 but lost the first playoff game. Like most of his tenure, he failed to put together back-to-back good seasons and went 9-7 followed by another first round playoff loss. Maybe Mike should change his name officially to "Nine Wins Holmgren". He finally delivered in 2005 going 13-3 but lost the Super Bowl (he he he) to a far superior team and then blamed the referees instead of being a man. Nice character there, Niner. You can only guess that he went 9-7 in 2006. He showed a little promise going 10-6 in 2007 but he lost in the playoffs to.......Brett Favre. Sigh. That must have really rocked his world because he ended his Seattle stint with a 4-12 record. Let me repeat that....a 4-12 record. In totality, in Seattle, the genius was 86-74 and 4-6 in the playoffs.

Cleveland wants a football czar. Hmmmm, who should they seek out? How about a coach who has 7 seasons with 10 wins or more out of 17 seasons. Out of the other 10 campaigns, 7 of them were 9 win seasons. Yawn. And don't forget he got shit canned as the GM after only 4 years. He hasn't had back-to-back 10 win seasons since 1998 and that was with Favre. The fact that this man is so sought after is mind boggling to me. I read once where he wanted to go open a coffee shop or a B&B and retire. He should have followed his dream.

What has Cleveland gained since employing Mike? Well, they decided to keep a coach with a career NFL record of 28-36 because he had a 4 game winning streak. I'm impressed. The fact that Mangini went 10-6 in his first year with the Jets and 4-12 in his second tells me he went 10-6 with somebody else's team. Whatever. So what do I read this morning? Holmgren is close to hiring Seattle's Pro Personnel director to be Cleveland's GM. He's worked with him before in Green Bay and Seattle. Super! Steeler fans rejoice! Mike is going to bring his amazing streak of mediocrity to the Browns by surrounding himself with cronies from the old days who have already failed with him at other locations.

People, People, People.....please pull back the curtain and take a good look at your wizard. Your wizard isn't a wizard at all. Your wizard, is a walrus.

Cuckoo Catchoo

Which photo is of Philadelphia Eagles head coach Andy Reid? Which is of Seattle Seachickens coach Mike Holmgren? And which is of a sad, brooding, real walrus?

Maybe The Whining Will Stop Now

I'm sure the Seachicken fans were licking their beaks this past weekend. They finally got their rematch and this time we were wounded. While they were down only Deion Branch, we were missing Casey Hampton, Troy Polamalu, Hines Ward and Santonio Holmes. The Stillers had every reason to think they couldn't win this game. They could have went in with a bad attitude. Heck, even Hamtpon's backup Chris Hoke was dinged up. I still thought they could win the game - but to totally dominate? 41 minues total possession versus 19? Hilarious. The next time we play the Seachickens, I think we could roll out Don Cannon at quarterback, Myron Cope at tailback and Joe DeNardo at flanker. We beat these punks so completely that Holmgren didn't even have anything to whine about after the game. The whole city of Seattle uses "Hey, did you know Jerome Bettis is from Detroit?" as a rallying cry of sorts to say in their own way that they think the refs helped the Steelers win Super Bowl XL. I think they got more of a feel of just how superior we are to them yesterday. I hope Mike retires after this season. I'm tired of him and his sour puss after every loss.

Mike is STILL Blubbering.....

Gosh darnit, Mike, it's been close to 2 months since your inept team lost the Super Bowl with sloppy play and worse coaching. Can you please give the fans of the NFL a break and let them enjoy the free agency period and draft analysis without reading every day in the sports pages how you are still angry at the officiating in the Super Bowl. We get it. Ok? We get it. Really! Your comments right after the Super Bowl painted you as a passionate guy who was still a little hotheaded. Your comments now read as quite borish and what we've come to expect. The fact that you didn't get fined for your comments is still unbelievable to me. Even though Tags explained it away - you are still pretty lucky you didn't lose somewhere between 30-50k for your remarks. If you were half the man you say you are (well, for one your wife would be happy because then you'd only weigh about 2 bills) you should realize the commissioner showed you mercy and donate that money to charity. I'm sure there is a "Save The Walrus" campaign somewhere you can donate to. Call Paul McCartney as he probably has the number speed dialed on his cell phone. The head of officiating Mike Peoria sat with the owners at the meetings last week and AGAIN explained why every single call (with the exception of the tackle Hasselbeck made) was legit and you STILL want to whine about it. In retrospect, what would be interesting to hear from your blowhole (yes, I know, it's whales that have blowholes - but I like the way it sounded here) would be an explanation to the poor clock management your entire team showed near the end of the 2nd and 4th quarters. That's poor coaching. You were in so many blowouts this year you probably neglected to coach these situations. Nobody likes a whiner, especially in professional sports. If you remember just a few short years ago, the Steelers were eliminated from the playoffs on a field goal by the Titans in which they were allowed to kick it again after a miss because of a running into the kicker penalty. Our guy DeWayne Washington just GRAZED the kicker - who went down in an Oscar-worthy heap admitting on ESPN later that night that he was acting - and it cost us a legitimate shot at the Championship that year. Much like your comments right after the game, Cowher ran up to the official screaming "You cost us the game..." or something very close to that as I remember reading his lips. Here's the difference between you and Bill Cowher: a few days later after the emotion of the moment was over - Cowher apologized to the league, the official, his fans, the organization and said something to the effect of the officials followed the rules as they are written. He wasn't crying to the press 2 months later like a little girl with a skinned knee. Grow up, Mike. Until last year I thought maybe your earlier Super Bowl experience hinged on Brett Favre in his prime and had nothing to do with you. Seattle has been inconsistent since you've been there. You somewhat proved me wrong, but how are you now going to change the perception of NFL fans everywhere that you are a nothing more than a huge (and I mean huge) whiner? I'd start with an apology.