FAN: Mel Gibson - Celebrity Cock!

Ladies and gentlemen, there hasn't been a Celebrity Cock posting in over three years. I'm not sure why. Mostly I've forgotten about it, until now. I just listened to both of Mel Gibson's recorded phone calls to his ex and they are hilarious. He is totally out of control. Here's to you Mel.....enjoy.

Bravecock

We Were Cocks

What Cocks Want

Chicken Cock (my personal favorite)

Lethal Cock 4

Cock Weapon 1-3

Conspiracy Cock

Father's Cock

Mavercock

Forever Cock

The Man Without A Cock (too easy)

Pocockhontas

Air Cock

Cocklet

Cock on a Wire

Tequila Cock

Mad Cock Beyond Thunderdome

Appended: I must be getting old, I already had a Mel Gibson edition from 2006. Sigh. Oh well, I'll leave it. Not hurting anything.

Sean Penn - Celebrity Cock!

I hope Sean Penn has been paying taxes on every cent he's earned, because the IRS is going to be so far up his ass they can look out his huge mouth after this weekend's appearance on Bill Mahr's HBO show.

For the millionth time, I cannot stand these celebrities going on TV and trying to play the part of the intellectual. The entire episode his facial expression was that of one who was smelling his own farts. I was half expecting a pizza delivery guy to walk in and ask "did anyone order a pepperoni?" to which Spicoli, I mean Penn, would stand up and say "whoa, right here dude". My views on the war are not even relevant at this point....I'm just so sick and tired of all of these ultra liberals like Penn, Streisand and Gere running around like chickens with their heads cut off going on-and-on about certain things like they are so much more important than everyone else. So, here's to you Sean Penn.....you big Cock.


Cock Times at Ridgemont High
Cock Boys
The Cock and the Snowman
Cock Surprise
Casualties of Cock
Carlito's Cock
Dead Cock Walking
The Thin Red Cock
Mystic Cock

And my favorite.......I Am Cock.

If you want to watch a celebrity talk about the war in an honest manner - watch Dennis Miller's "All In".

Alec Baldwin: Return Of The Cock

I thought I was going to put this "Cock" piece to rest. If you're a new reader, I used to do a "Celebrity Cock" shtick whenever somebody boned up in public....which was too often for it to remain funny. I would replace 1 word in some of their most popular movie titles with the word "cock". I admit - it's not for the squeamish. While I like smart, high brow comedy like John Stewart and Dennis Miller....I also love the filthy stuff by Norm McDonald and the like. If you haven't heard already, Baldwin left his 11 year old daughter a phone mail message where he rants and calls her a "thoughtless little pig". He called her a pig twice. Today on his website he said that all the attention this is getting is hurting his daughter. No dumbass, YOU hurt your daughter. I never really liked Alec for his political rants and especially when he said he would leave the country if Bush won the election. His entire family is full of idiots. The thing is, as he stopped being a leading man and took on smaller character parts, I started to like him. He does a superb job in "The Departed". Oh well, now I hate him for sure. That poor little girl! So, here's to you Alec....you big Cock!

Cock Juice (much funnier than Beetle Cock)

Married to the Cock (just like Kim was!)

Great Balls of Cock!

The Hunt For Red Cock (consideration for top pick)

Prelude to a Cock

Glengarry Glen Cock

A Cock Named Desire

Cocks Of Mississippi

Thick As Cock (my favorite)

Cock Rising (not bad either!)

Pearl Cock

The Cock of Pluto Nash

the Cock in the Hat

Along Came Cock

Mimi's First Cock

Alec is a little, little man. To belittle his daughter instead of just correcting her....and then to blame Kim Basinger for his actions is weak at best. He should have apologized and offered no excuses because there really is no excuse for what he did. There are a zillion parents who have had their children used as pawns in the divorce game. Is he suggesting that every one of them did something of this nature along the way? Arrogant bastard - that's what he is. To read the other "Cock" lists, search the blog using the engine in the top left corner for "Cock".

Back With Little Or No Demand

I haven't done a celebrity "cock replace" in a while. Madonna is all over the news these days, so let's pick on her and husband Guy Ritchie. I could easily do all of Madonna's movies since there aren't that many, but there aren't even that many notable ones in the short list.

Cock Quest
Desperately Seeking Cock - My Favorite
Who's That Cock?
A Cock Of Their Own
Cock Of Evidence
Dick Cock

And I had to throw in this Guy Ritchie gem:

Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Cocks - HA!

Back Without Demand - Celebrity Cock

This time I'm going to nominate Brad Pitt. Brad recently said he wouldn't marry Ms. Jolie until anyone that wanted to be married legally could. Boo Hoo. Boo Hoo on you Mr. Pitt. You just don't want to get married, so you're lying. If they passed the law tomorrow - you wouldn't drive on down to Vegas would you? She's just going to dump your short ass too when somebody better comes along..... Anyway, Mr. I'll Go To Iraq and donate all my money to charity (feels guilty over leaving Rachael....I mean Jennifer) is this edition's lucky winner. Let's see what we can make of his catalogue.

A Cock Runs Through It (the winner)
Kock
Legends of the Cock
Cock with the Vampire
Cock Monkeys
The Devil's Cock
Meet Cock Black
Cock Club
Confessions of a Dangerous Cock

Hmmmm, not a ton of humor here. Oh well, not a ton of great movies either. Keep your mouth shut and make a good movie for a change....it's been a while.

Top Cock: Cruise Is This Week's Celebrity Cock

We don't really need an intro for Tom do we? Paramount want's to cut ties with him because he's been acting strangely.......you THINK????

Mission: Cock
Cock Business
All The Right Cock
The Color Of Cock
Cocktail....hey, wait a minute.....
Cock Man
Minority Cock
Cock On The 4th Of July (my favorite)
Cock Of Thunder
A Few Good Cock
Interview With The Cock
Vanilla Cock
The Last Cock

Even More Movie Title Steals - Jew Hating Cock Edition

Well, so far the All-Time Greats, Coen Brothers, and 6 Degrees of Kevin Bacon editions have been HUGE hits. So, in light of the recent (old) news that Mel Gibson is a Jew hating racist and his dad is a holocaust denier....I thought we'd drag Mel's titles through the mud a little. Man, this is one fun article to write every few weeks. On to the mayhem:

Mad Cock
The Year Of Living Cock
Lethal Cock (or Cock Weapon)
Tequila Cock
Cock On A Wire
Forever Cock
The Chili Con Cock Club
The Man Without A Cock (Too Easy)
Cockheart or Bravecock
Conspiracy Cock
Cock Women Want (My Favorite!)
We Were Cocks (Close Second)
Chicken Cock

Stay Tuned...as I am planning a B&W list.

6 Degrees of Cock

Ok, now that I did a top-rated "Cock" movie list title steal and a Joel and Ethan Coen "Cock" list - I decided to use Kevin Bacon for installment #3. On to the titles:

Cockloose
Animal Cock
Cock The 13th
QuickCock
White Cock Summer
Plans, Trains & Cocks
She's Having A Cock (my personal favorite)
Flatcocks (a close second)
He Said, Cock Said
A Few Good Cocks (too obvious)
The Cock Up There (wow. thats funny)
The Cock Wild
My Cock Skip (hilarious!)
Mystic Cock or Cock River (can't decide)

This is so much fun I need to make it a weekly column!

Porn Title Steals, The Sequel

Wow. A lot of good feeback from adding "cock" to movie titles in place of another word. True to my promise, here is the next installment. This is a list of Joel & Ethan Coen movies:

The CockKillers
Intolerable Cock (I worked for this guy for a long time)
The Cock Who Wasn't There
O Cock, Where Art Thou?
The Big Cock
Cocko (How else do you change Fargo?)
The Cocksucker Proxy (Ok, I cheated, but Hudsucker is so easy!)
Cock Fink.....or Barton Cock
Miller's Cock
Raising Cock
Blood Cock

Damn, this is fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun.

Porno Movie Title Steals

Somebody sent me a link of a lame blog that had made-up porno movie names using popular movie titles and substituting one word. It was terrible! It was so bad I won't even link it. What I will do, however, at the risk of making some people squirm is put out a list of my own titles showing this guy what creative energy really is. I'll be so creative that I'll only change one word of the title and I'll change it to the same word in every film. The word I choose is "cock". Simple. If you lean to the prudish side - just imagine that "cock" is another word for rooster and read on. Hopefully the list will make you laugh and you'll forget you're being prudish. In the words of the great Norm McDonald - "cock" is the best word ever to use in a joke.

Jurassic Cock
When Harry Met Cock
Lord of the Cock
Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Cock
Spider-Cock (I'm giggling about this one)
The Passion of the Cock
Finding Cock
The Lion Cock
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Cock
Pirates of the Carribean: The Curse of the Black Cock
The Sixth Cock
The Cock Reloaded
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Cock (still giggling)
How The Cock Stole Christmas
Cock, Inc.
Cock Almighty
Raiders of the Lost Cock
My Big Fat Cock Wedding
Cock Busters
Beverly Hills Cock
Cock Kong
Saving Private Cock
Charlie and the Cock Factory (laughing out loud now)
Snow White and the Seven Cocks
Dances with Cocks
Mission: Cock
There's Something About Cock (this is an A+)
Beauty and the Cock
Three Men and a Cock (HA!)
The Longest Cock
Scary Cock
Fatal Cock
I, Cock
Lilo & Cock
Cock by the Dozen
Teenage Mutant Ninja Cock
Silence of the Cock
Honey, I shrunk the Cock
My Best Friend's Cock
the Hunt for Red Cock
Blazing Cock
The Cock of all Fears
You've Got Cock
Black Cock Down
The Pelican Cock

Ok, now I'm just bored. See how easy this is. I just used IMDB's list of all movies grossing 100 mil. My god, thats funny stuff. If anything, you should now be able to read the word "cock" in print and not even blink. Maybe I should make this a regular column and use different genres. The Disney movies did seem to work well in the formula. Anyway, I'm sure I missed a ton and I could have cut the list down to only the funniest ones........but I think I'll leave them all.