FAN: Sweed's Career Could Be Over

Limas Sweed was already holding onto his roster spot by his fingernails; rupturing his Achille's heel did nothing to help that this year. On the plus side for him, he'll get paid as they will most likely place him on IR. Since he's already been a major disappointment and the addition of ARE, Battles and another rookie.....Tyler Grisham's future just got a little brighter. Limas may get another chance when he.....heels......sorry........but it wouldn't bother me if they allow him to get healthy and then cut him so he can try another team. In my opinion, this is a failed draft pick and we should cut our losses and move on.

FAN: CDC Thwarts Swine Flu

The CDC announced today that a foolproof method has been found to thwart Swine Flu, the dreaded H1N1 virus. Limas Sweed has been kidnapped and is being held 3 stories underground at CDC headquarters. Sweed's DNA is being taken and used against his will in a vaccine that will stop everyone from catching everything. Sweed hasn't been sick since he was 7 months old and projectile vomited his formula. He can't hold anything either. He can't catch a cold, a break or a cab. He can't hold a hand. He can't carry a tune. William Gay was mock rocking a baby? Please God don't give that baby to Limas Sweed because it will have a massive head injury within eight minutes after he drops it. You know why he's skinny, right? He drops his food. He drops weight. He drops trou... He can't hold his liquor. I think Heinz is commemorating a Bobblehead of Sweed for next home game. Don't give one to Limas, he'll drop it. This is too easy, I could do it all day. Ladies and Gentlemen....I think Ike Taylor was happy the day we drafted Limas....he knew he no longer had the worst hands on the team. Limas Sweed can't even sleep on a cot. Mother Hubbard rolls right off.