You Decide The Title

What's a better title for this story:

A. Once Upon A Time......

B. Bush Kills Baby, Then Mother.....

C. Her second cousin's wife's plumber's helper said.....

It kills me that this keeps happening. We'll need another verse or two in Billy Joel's "We Didn't Start The Fire" if she gets elected....

"Bullets whizzing past her head,
no insurance - now you're dead,
I did not kill not one Vince Foster,
Sharks can't breath right in White Water......

I'm too tired Bill, My head hurts,
Go ahead and chase that skirt.
Just be careful don't get caught,
But if you do I'll leave you not.

Bang that big fat Jewish girl,
Make it like the Tilt-A-Whirl,
Just don't leave no DNA,
and everything will be OK......Ooooops.

Also, Her Broom "speaks" To Her

Hilary Clinton announced today that she still has momentum - despite losing 11 primaries in a row. Ah, yeah, OK, who am I to judge? In a candid interview, Hilary also verbalized the following items: there aren't enough reality shows on television, Rosie O'Donnel looks superb three years into her diet, the Arizona Cardinals have all the momentum heading into this year's football season, the Cubbies will win the World Series, Huckabee will most assuredly come back to unseat McCain, Osama Bin Laden will be caught within the next week, we have a BigFoot carcass hidden in a warehouse in Roswell.......oh this is boring. I quit.

Obama Ralphs After Reading News

Interesting. I guess some GOP'ers in high places finally convinced Ralph to run again this year. I love it that Hilary is getting bitchy about it, then admits "it is a free country". Now if McCain wins a close one, we'll have to hear about how old Ralph turned the tables. Good man, Ralph, see it through. Now the only thing that could make McCain even happier is if Obama wins the nomination and Hilary decides to run as the Green Party representative.

How Should You Vote?

Thanks to Still A Dad for sending in this link. You answer some questions and it gives you your percentage match for the candidates running for President. I haven't completely decided who I'm voting for yet but I'm leaning towards Rudy Giuliani, with John McCain a close second. I took the test and I actually match up better with McCain's statements (55%) than Rudy's (48%). Funny as Hell that out of the 10 or so candidates listed - Hilary Clinton was last on my list with a 15% match. The very creepy John Edwards was the first democrat to hit my radar (shivers!). That dude has skeletons in his closet like I have cookies at Christmas. Get out and vote.

You Can't Fix Stupid

"You can't fix stupid" is the name of one of Ron White's comedy shows. It's a saying that has really hit home and I hear it more and more these days. Hilary Clinton seems to think you can fix stupid. I'm not calling people who don't save for retirement stupid - for instance, had Chris Farley started saving for his retirement at 21, then he wasted good money that could have been spent on more coke and whores. I don't want to preach, this lesson in Slantedomics isn't about how or why you should be saving for retirement..... The lesson here is that she's trying to give a whale a Tic-Tac for bad breath and she wants people that have earned and saved over their lifetimes to pay for it. If you don't want to read the article, I'll give you just the facts. She thinks Americans aren't saving enough for retirement. I agree. But, I am saving enough for retirement, so I'm not too concerned that Billy & Betty down the street who go on $10,000 vacations and lease $50,000 cars are not. In fact, doesn't the government already have a plan that I pay for called Social Security that deals with this? Anyway - she wants the first $1000 that couples save for retirement to qualify them for a $1000 tax credit. My problem here is that it's not for all couples - just those couples making less than $60k a year. In case your family is in the six-figure domain, you get a $500 tax credit for your first $1000 in savings. If you make more than $100k a year, fend for yourself. There are so many thing wrong with this idea on so many levels that I can't even even list them all. First, it's going to cost $25 billion per year to implement. That's fine for her because she's going to repeal some of the death tax cuts that Bush correctly made to pay for it. Beautiful. So, somebody that accumulated wealth should now pay for someone to get $1000 tax credit? You know what, I might agree with this more if the $1000 was simply added to their existing 401(k) plan, but they get it as a tax credit! If you're truly concerned about them saving for retirement, why not MAKE them put it away for retirement? How about the statement shows $2000 once you put the first $1000 in? Why let them spend it on a Play Station? She says it's time for Americans to accumulate wealth again. Honey, wealth is not found in $1000 tax credits. In the words of Chris Rock....."Shaq isn't wealthy, Shaq is rich. The guy that signs Shaq's paychecks - he's wealthy." Word. Let me tell you something, how many new people are going to start saving for retirement just to get the $1000 tax break? I'm guessing that most of the people who will get this tax break already invest. Let's face it, if you're mid-career and haven't started saving already, you need to pile money away to reach 60-80% of your income through interest when you retire. The plan really is like shooting a spitwad at a Stealth Bomber. It sucks all the way around. It's an equal opportunity sucker. The plan itself sucks, the way it's paid for sucks, and the logic behind it sucks. It's feel good legislation in my opinion. The buzz that comes off of it for the clueless is "Hilary Clinton wants us to retire wealthy and she's going to help us and she's going to rob the uber rich to pay for it....yah!" In the end, it amounts to nothing and adds 11 pages to the already overburdened tax code. There are far too many "if's" in the tax code now. "If you did this and if you earn between this and this and if you if'd your iffer than you can get this but only if you ........". It's maddening. Flat tax me baby. I know I'll pay more with a flat tax than with the current tax code, but I don't care. I'll also do my taxes in 2 minutes. What did you earn? X. please pay X * 17%. Done. No credits. No farm questions. No gambling losses. No divorced kids deciding where they lived for most of the year. No daycare receipts. No medical receipts. No donation sheets. No church vouchers. No hybrid cars. No nothing. After all my deductions last year my effective tax rate was shocking based on where it started. I almost felt bad, until I remembered that a lot of my money is used for socialist programs that usually don't do any good anyway. If my tax dollars went to good, common sense programs, then maybe I'd be singing a different tune. I'm the farthest thing from a socialist or a communist, but if we were going to feed every kid in America - well, that's good. But if we're going to build a kabillion dollar bridge in Alaska to an island where 700 people live - that's bad. Make it so every kid has recess in school - good. Make it so retired Senators have golden parachute for life - bad. See how this works? Children and America's future = good. Greed and political favors = bad. What was my original point again? Oh yeah, Hilary sucks. And it bothers me to think that the best thing they can come up with to make people want to vote for her is a stinking lowly $1000 tax credit after you invest $1000 for retirement. B-O-R-I-N-G. She done needs a new think tank.

I Have A Gift For Hilary Clinton

If Hilary Clinton would contact me, I have a gift for her. I'll even buy her husband Bill the same thing. I would like to send them both to Disney World. There have been 9 deaths since 2003 and 14 since 1989. Granted, most of them are found to have serious heart problems that were undetected before a thrill ride shortened their lives, but this option has to be getting serious consideration from people looking to dump their spouses. Buy a big insurance policy....take a trip to Disney. "Hey honey, let's ride Mission: Space nine times in a row!" I shudder to think that Hilary could be our president in the near future. Shudder. Shud-der. So, I figure for around $110 (2 all-day passes) maybe we could get lucky and one of them would croak. Yeah, that's morbid....but we've already determined I can be sadistic. Here's the article of the most recent death.

A Republican's Dream

I had a weird dream last night. It started out with VP Dick Cheney on a big game hunt. He was in a black Chevy Suburban with several handlers around an open bar. He was throwing back gin and tonics and babbling incoherently. The Suburban was flanked by a Secret Service vehicle and an ambulance. They stopped at the hunting destination which apparently had a cover charge of some sort. Someone paid for the entire group and a barrier was moved to allow the vehicles into the hunting area. It looked like it was designed for walkers. Apparently not everyone there knew this was a hunting area as a family of 5 walked past eating popcorn and stopping to take pictures of the animals. The driver pulled up to a large sign marked "African Elephants" and stopped. As Cheney left the vehicle he could be heard complaining that the area the elephant was in was much too large for a man of his age to track down. The area was gigantic. Some estimates put the area at between a tenth and a quarter of an acre. Making it even more dangerous, it was enclosed by an electric fence and a small moat. As Cheney sized up the beast and waited for it to move closer to the fence, a crowd of shocked onlookers approached. Cheney could not understand what so many families and children were doing at his newly discovered hunting paradise. Not being a technical individual, he used Google to research a good place to find large game close to his home. He had no idea that he could leave the US and get to "Zoo" so quickly. Cheney lined up the large mammal and pulled the trigger. The elephant turned it's huge head at the sound of the blast just in time to see Mrs. Claire Johnson, 42, wife and mother of 3 drop to the ground with a huge GSW to the chest. A secret service agent took the fall for this episode because he apparently muttered "shoot that big mother" seconds before Cheney squeezed the trigger. Mrs. Johnson, God rest her soul, went about 425 and Dick did have a few cocktails. "What's next?" Cheney bellowed. Checking his Palm Pilot, his handler replied "ummmm, you have a pheasant hunt with both Clintons at 1:00... Bill called last night to confirm and asked what kind of spirits you preferred."