In The "Line" Of Fire

SI sent out their annual football preview issue today. They had six regional covers and wouldn't you know Donovan McPuke graced our cover. Right....what? How about Ben? If you want to sell copies on the newstands, there has to be data that would back up a Roethlisberger cover over McNabb. Anyway, I digress. Still A Dog wants football. Let's talk football. In the issue, they go into the key for some team's success. Of course, they talked about the Steeler's Offensive Line. Thing is, I wasn't sure if they meant Offensive - like opposite of Defensive - line......or if they meant Offensive - like "F*ck me their line play is simply offensive "- line. We'll give them the benefit of the doubt and say it's the first choice. They are still listing Starks as a backup, so there's a front office screw up right there. Remember, he's getting paid like, zillions of dollars this year. Ouch. They call Colon a mauler on runs. Hmmmm. How about pass protection? They protect Ben like Marino's lines used to run block. Exactly! The thing that worries me, and they mentioned it, and The Dog mentioned it....we haven't invested a high pick on a stud hog in some time. They mention the Defensive Line as a strength of the team. Look how old they are though! Where is the future? With Parker and Melwelde Moore already in the fold, unless Mendenhall is special, I hardly see how someone getting his number of touches can replace our future lines. I'd like to be proven wrong on that and have him break out, especially on kick returns. And speaking of kick returns, they rated our Special Teams a solid B. Jeff Reed must have brought that average up all by himself, because if you take the FG unit out of the equation, I thought they sucked big donkey.....ears. I swear those guys just throw darts and mix and match what they are saying. One thing I did get excited about was all the talking they did about Lamar Woodley. Kevin Greene has taken a liking to him and took him under his wing, teaching him about rushing from the outside. I can't wait to see him in action this year. The talk about Woodley also boned up a piece of history when it said The Steelers haven't had consistent pressure on the QB since the Lloyd/Greene days. Interesting. I bet Jason Gildon and Joey Porter would have something to say about that.

Pro Bowl, Who Cares?

Can we please cancel the Pro Bowl this year and for every year after that? It's a sham anyway with the vanilla offenses and blitzless defenses. The stars are already pulling out. Troy Polamalu and Brett Favre pulled out today. Anyone with even a hangnail is going to cancel. Nobody wants to go, especially folks who have been done playing for weeks - it's not like they're still in game shape. They should continue to name the Pro Bowl players, but not play the game. Donovan McNabb was added to the Pro Bowl multiple times after someone bagged (dropped out, not barfed). That doesn't stop it from showing up on his resume though. I would be embarrassed to call myself a Pro Bowler if the only reason I made it was because someone else couldn't go. It's stupid. It's meaningless. It's boring. Not one person I know watches it. Bag it.

Please Tell Me They're Kidding

I cannot believe some of the crap I'm reading tonight on this past week in football. Some of it makes me want to fall over laughing, it's that bad. First, here is a snippet from an article from SI.com about Bill Belichick and Spygate after their game Sunday night:

[The Patriots dominated the Chargers 38-14 without the video camera and many of Belichick's players expressed affection for him after the game.

Kraft gave him the game ball.

"I appreciated it. It's a nice gesture. The most important thing is to put that (game) behind us," Belichick said. "It's time to move on."]

Kraft gave him the game ball? Huh? Are you kidding me? He embarrassed the entire organization and forever cast a shadow of doubt on their legacy. For this, he receives a game ball? It just goes to show you that results matter. Wait, results are the only thing that matters.

Next, here is a snippet from Donovan McNabb's appearance on HBO Real Sports where he's talking about black quarterbacks being under more scrutiny than their white counterparts:

[Asked if white quarterbacks such as Peyton Manning and Carson Palmer are held to the same standards, McNabb replied: "Let me start by saying, I love those guys. But they don't get criticized as much as we do. They don't."]

You Ass Hat! The mistake you are making is putting yourself at their level. Ask freaking Rex Grossman if white quarterbacks get scrutinized enough. Better yet, ask Charlie Frye who got cut after one bad performance this year. The balls of this guy to make that statement. The balls! Ask Joey Harrington about critics. Ask David Carr. What a giant moron he is. Don't make me laugh.

McNabb Too Fragile To Handle Garcia?

The Eagles gave an offer to A.J. Feeley meaning Garcia will probably be let go. Why? I'll tell you why. The Godfather knows his "real" son's fragile state of mind and rather than hear the fans chanting this fall for Garcia if the Birds stumble out of the gate......it's easier to let him go now in the off-season. If I was an Eagles season ticket holder (EEEEEEW! even saying that was weird) , I would vomit (he he) on my invoice and mail it back to Mr. Lurid. Poor Donovan, he can't handle the pressure. In a perfect world he wouldn't be ready for the season to start and Feeley would go 3-0. Deja who?

Andy Reid Uses Sons As Distraction

It's really funny how lately I've been hearing so much about how much time NFL coaches put in. Cowher needed out. I heard Bill Walsh say he retired too early last night but he was burned out. Gruden sleeps 4 hours a night. Spurrier couldn't handle the schedule and got out. Last night in the Philadelphia area - both of Andy Reid's sons were in trouble with the law in mutually exclusive events (right, wink wink). One was in a road rage incident and apparently pulled a gun on the other driver and pointed it at him. The other slammed into another car injuring the driver and the police found drug paraphernalia in the car. Hmmmm. Listen, I've watched a lot of detective shows on tv, and if my hunch is right, this was just a "cover up". A massive, massive "cover-up". If the Philly blues do their homework and due diligence on this case - I'm betting they'll find that the closest food store to the Reid's house got jacked last night. I'm thinking Reid was furious that McNabb talked to the press in Miami and went on a crazed food binge. He probably ate everything in the house, screamed at the boys and told them to go out and cause a diversion. After the boys left the house scared for their lives (Andy has threatened to eat both of them on separate occasions before) he waited patiently before changing into his size XXXXL black sweat suit. Having trouble pulling the waistband over his last fold, he slit it an inch and finally got it on. He waddled out the back door and over to the local Genuardi's. After surprising the last employee out by distracting him and asking if he wanted Jeff Garcia's autograph, Reid decked him with the frozen turkey he carries with him in case he gets stranded and needs food. After entering the food store - he followed his normal routine upon entering - he walked over to the baked good aisles and pleasured himself to the smell of doughnuts. After cleaning up, he made his way through each department sampling everything in site. When his first son called to ask for advice and told him that he just pulled a gun on someone while driving his car - Andy barely heard him over the crunching of Cheetos. He simply told him to stay out for at least another hour so police would not come to the house first and notice Andy was missing. By the time son number two called with news that he was found with drug items in his car - Andy was having a high of his own. His eyes were almost rolled back in his head as he was dipping various pepperoni meat-type products in mayonnaise and chasing it with chocolate milk. He belched, used the facility to bomb the Kurds and quickly waddled back to the comfort of his home. The police wouldn't be there to search the house for the gun for another 10 minutes. Andy sighed a sigh of relief, knowing that the sons he ignores took a hit for him so he could feed his inner demons.