Cuckoo Catchoo

Which photo is of Philadelphia Eagles head coach Andy Reid? Which is of Seattle Seachickens coach Mike Holmgren? And which is of a sad, brooding, real walrus?

Continuity Will Prevail?

Since I live in the Philadelphia area, it's very easy to tell the world what Andy Reid's biggest issue is as a head coach in the NFL. He's too stubborn. No, not because he won't put down the cheese steak, because he doesn't adjust well during the course of a game and no matter what kind of succes Brian Westbrook has on the ground, he is never going to get 25 carries a game. I always go back to one of the NFC Championship games the Birds were in against the Bucs and it was literally taking 4 people to tackle Duce Staley every time he touched the rock. Now, this was Duce Staley in his 2002 prime mind you, not the sweat suit wearing, money stealing Staley that played for us. Just so I don't lie, I went back to NFL.com and looked up his stats for that game. He was 13 for 58 for a 4.5 yard average. Westbrook was 2 for 5. Levens was 3 for 0. That's 18 rushes ladies and gentlemen and a good way to lose a game. You stop rushing a guy that is averaging 4.5 and you need your head examined. Where am I going with this? Oh yeah, I see a little bit of that stubbornness in Mike Tomlin. I read this snippet on TheBurghBlog today and I clicked through to the article. How he can defend the Special Teams coach is way beyond me. He thinks continuity will prevail? It might. We might CONTINUE to SUCK at calling games, protecting the QB, returning kicks and covering kicks. If we had 1 or 2 important coverage failures in the kicking game I would want to look at replacing the coach. We had 1 or 2 per GAME. (I need a second to calm down.) If he's afraid to admit failure by letting go of some of the people he brought in, we could be looking at bad special teams for as long as Cowher kept playing Kordell after the 1998 "season of regression". On the Offensive Line, maybe the problem is Mahan and not the coach. Maybe he can put a leash on Arians. Unless he plans on suiting up and tackling somebody on special teams, that coach has to go.

Good Mormons

Andy, Andy, Andy.....and this is with them living under your roof? Whathappens when they go out to live on their own?

I Am Pissy Tonight

Everything is just making me so mad. It's starting to look like Andy Reid's two sons may get plea deals. This is crazy. Let me tell you something, if Joe Mugalutz's sons within a 24-hour period pulled a gun on another motorist in a road rage incident and had drugs in the car while a few miles away the other was wrecking into an older women injuring her and later admitting he used heroin that day...and guns and drug paraphernalia turned up in both vehicles...I don't think we'd be talking about plea bargains! Andy is such a swell guy, though. I bet up until last year he would have went on record and said the courts should treat everyone the same. Yeah, until it's your sons acting like 50-Cent and "wanna be" gangstas. They were not acting alone. They know stuff. Everyone knows it. I can just hear the mayor in the DA's ear "we need this to go away....quickly and quietly". The guy who got the gun pulled on him is probably sitting in club boxes this year and the lady is sure to be driving a new Escalade later this month. The system sickens me. Fatty McButterpants probably can't name 3 friends of his kids, where they hang out, what they do.......and look what happens. Now everyone will just kiss and make up and the die-hard Iggle fans will forgive. Crazy. The court system should have to put out a document of everyone else charged with the same things in the past 20 years and what their punishment was whenever a plea bargain is accepted. That way the folks keeping score at home will know if it's a good deal or not. I'm betting "not".

McNabb Too Fragile To Handle Garcia?

The Eagles gave an offer to A.J. Feeley meaning Garcia will probably be let go. Why? I'll tell you why. The Godfather knows his "real" son's fragile state of mind and rather than hear the fans chanting this fall for Garcia if the Birds stumble out of the gate......it's easier to let him go now in the off-season. If I was an Eagles season ticket holder (EEEEEEW! even saying that was weird) , I would vomit (he he) on my invoice and mail it back to Mr. Lurid. Poor Donovan, he can't handle the pressure. In a perfect world he wouldn't be ready for the season to start and Feeley would go 3-0. Deja who?

Andy Reid Uses Sons As Distraction

It's really funny how lately I've been hearing so much about how much time NFL coaches put in. Cowher needed out. I heard Bill Walsh say he retired too early last night but he was burned out. Gruden sleeps 4 hours a night. Spurrier couldn't handle the schedule and got out. Last night in the Philadelphia area - both of Andy Reid's sons were in trouble with the law in mutually exclusive events (right, wink wink). One was in a road rage incident and apparently pulled a gun on the other driver and pointed it at him. The other slammed into another car injuring the driver and the police found drug paraphernalia in the car. Hmmmm. Listen, I've watched a lot of detective shows on tv, and if my hunch is right, this was just a "cover up". A massive, massive "cover-up". If the Philly blues do their homework and due diligence on this case - I'm betting they'll find that the closest food store to the Reid's house got jacked last night. I'm thinking Reid was furious that McNabb talked to the press in Miami and went on a crazed food binge. He probably ate everything in the house, screamed at the boys and told them to go out and cause a diversion. After the boys left the house scared for their lives (Andy has threatened to eat both of them on separate occasions before) he waited patiently before changing into his size XXXXL black sweat suit. Having trouble pulling the waistband over his last fold, he slit it an inch and finally got it on. He waddled out the back door and over to the local Genuardi's. After surprising the last employee out by distracting him and asking if he wanted Jeff Garcia's autograph, Reid decked him with the frozen turkey he carries with him in case he gets stranded and needs food. After entering the food store - he followed his normal routine upon entering - he walked over to the baked good aisles and pleasured himself to the smell of doughnuts. After cleaning up, he made his way through each department sampling everything in site. When his first son called to ask for advice and told him that he just pulled a gun on someone while driving his car - Andy barely heard him over the crunching of Cheetos. He simply told him to stay out for at least another hour so police would not come to the house first and notice Andy was missing. By the time son number two called with news that he was found with drug items in his car - Andy was having a high of his own. His eyes were almost rolled back in his head as he was dipping various pepperoni meat-type products in mayonnaise and chasing it with chocolate milk. He belched, used the facility to bomb the Kurds and quickly waddled back to the comfort of his home. The police wouldn't be there to search the house for the gun for another 10 minutes. Andy sighed a sigh of relief, knowing that the sons he ignores took a hit for him so he could feed his inner demons.

Billick Needs A Math Lesson

....and since I'm a math major, I'm just the guy to give it to him. I mean really - the man is so smug it makes me want to puke. This is a lesson that my 7 year old daughter could understand......on the first try. Here goes:

The Colts have a historically bad run defense. They give up an average of 173 yards per game on the ground. 173. That's not a typo. That's worst in the league this year and the worst average for a playoff team....EVER. The Ravens called 19 running plays. Let's repeat those facts. Colts = historically bad run defense. Ravens = 19 running plays. I might be able to understand that if they couldn't run the ball, but here are the numbers: Jamal Lewis had 13 for 53. That's 4 point something per carry. Mike Anderson was 4 for 18. That's 4.5 per carry. WHAT? I watched this game with Chrissy TwoCoats and we were BEGGING the Ravens to run the ball. WTF? They threw on first down more than the Colts did I think. At one point in the third quarter they ran on first down and got 8. Ran on second down and got 3. Damn, that was hard. Let's throw the ball! You beat the Colts by keeping Manning off the field. You need long, sustained drives if you want to beat them. Billick got so enamored with McNair that he decided to risk everything by getting cute. Listen, the Colts and Peyton Manning knew that Samari Rolle was the weak link on defense and they KILLED him. No Mercy. Right from the coin toss they went after him and it worked. If I was calling the offense for the Ravens, I would have taken a drive early in the game and not thrown one pass until they force me to punt. The Ravens (and as a Steeler fan I hate to say this) are an attitude team. Running the ball is an attitude. Billick is a moron. McNair is not Peyton Manning. They are two different QBs out of two different molds. McNair is just the glue that holds the team together. He's a manager type. He wins with toughness, not his arm. I really had no vested interest in this game. I hate the Ravens but I'm equally sick of seeing Manning's face as the face of the NFL. The Ravens at least play Steeler football. Had they come out with the game plan they used against us in the first meeting this year - they would have had a much better chance of winning this game. Oh, and maybe more stupid than Billick not running was Andy Reid giving the ball back to the Saints last night with two timeouts and less than 3 minutes on the clock. On 3rd and 10 I'm already assuming it's 4 down territory and just trying to get 6-7 yards to keep them guessing on 4th down. Two coaches that are supposed to be smart making HUGE mistakes last night.....but what do I know?

Andy Reid Switches Endorsements

So, I'm guessing Andy Reid is off his diet? After hawking LA Weightloss for the past few years in the Philadelphia media, Reid is now endorsing another local favorite...Tastycake! Damn, he looks bigger than ever. Did you see that look after the timeout was called with 2:02 left? I thought he was going to have a massive heart attack right there. How can he preach conditioning to his players looking like that? Sheesh.