PA PC Man To Improve upon Texas Plan

First Skim This <---- Click It Texas is going to have a plan installed where cameras will be on the border hooked up to a live internet feed. Anyone can watch the feed and dial a number on the screen if they see illegal activity. "Superb idea, but not enough" was the mantra coming out of Cabot, PA today. Software guru "Dead Arm" (name withheld to protect his secret identity) has vowed to hack the system and take it one step further. "Myself and the far underground group 'The Tailgaters' are having automatic weapons installed near each camera. Once we hack the system, your mouse will control a moving scope site that will allow you to shoot anyone (if your aim is true) who dares to cross this border illegal like." As he speaks, you get the feeling he is just the man who can get this done. He beckons you in a hushed tone back over to add a sidebar....."you know.....Jim Morrison isn't really dead...". Hmmmmm, or maybe he should be locked up? In any event, Cabot's "Dead Arm" is dead serious about the lack of border control in this country and he is angry. Angry like you have never seen it. Asked what he'll do if the Mexicans tunnel under the border avoiding the cameras and weapons, "Dead Arm" just smiled and opened a sketch book of his crew's new "bunker buster". It looks rather simple in design but it's effectiveness cannot be denied. The design calls for "Dead Arm" himself to go about his normal eating habits for one full day. Small holes will then be drilled at 2 foot intervals along the border in question. A 4-foot length of PVC pipe roughly the diameter of an adult male's anus is also required. "Dead Arm" will then go from hole to hole, inserting the pipe in his ass and passing "wind" into the tunnels. When questioned about the potency of such a device, he gave a reference from his school days to validate the story. We contacted "The Exterminator" who is currently leading a spy's double life in eastern PA. "Yeah I lived with him for a few years, after a few Stoney's, some chicken legs and potato wedges...that boy could.......". The Exterminator suddenly passed out in midsentence just thinking about the pungent aroma of a "Dead Arm" smart bomb. We'll update this story when (if) he regains his senses (we doubt it).

What is Jorge Ramos smoking?

I think he's loco. Jorge Ramos was on Bill Maher's HBO show on Friday night. He was discussing the illegal immigration problem in the US. Ramos is Mexico's national anchorman - getting more viewers per day than the "big 3" US anchors combined. He was starting to make sense and talk intelligently about a few things and then he made a comment that suggested Americans are more upset that the illegal immigrants are Mexican and not that they are illegal. When asked to follow up on that comment - he said something to the effect of "I don't hear anyone complaining about illegal immigrants from Ireland." He said that with a straight face! I just read a government report from 2004 that said of the 5 million illegal immigrants living in the US, 54% are Mexican. The rate of illegal Mexicans crossing the border increases every year by 150,000. It's been increasing since 1988 at that rate. That's unbelievable! He also said something to the effect of we should be glad we are getting their most ambitious people. Ummmm, ok. Listen, here's my beef with this - for someone to leave England and come here to visit - they have to have a passport, documentation and board a plane after having their luggage looked at and walking through a metal detector. Why on Earth is everyone so laid back about hundreds of people a day coming across the border unchecked? How long is it going to be before a terrorist cell enters the country via the Mexican trails? We have a process to enter this country. I will assume we made those rules for a purpose. I cannot understand for the life of me why we don't take this more seriously as a nation. I'm not calling for kicking everyone out immediately that's undocumented....but I sure as hell wouldn't mind DOCUMENTING them and toughening the borders so we can stop the flood of illegal immigrants. Legal immigrants? Yes. Illegal Immigrants? No! Even if we have to raise the number of immigrants we allow every year, I want it all by the books. I don't give a damn what it does initially to the economy. Hurt it, help it - I just don't care. This is post 9/11 and I don't trust the Mexican smugglers to not take terrorist money when they want to enter the country this way. Maybe if more illegal Mexicans stayed behind and worked towards making their country a better place to live - 500,000 people a year may stay there and help their economy and our countries could work better as a team. And trust me, I don't care if we bordered Sweden and 500,000 5' 8" blonds with long tan legs were entering our country every year - I would want them legally documented...and then sent immediately to my house to do light housecleaning with little skimpy outfits on....and the occasional massage.