Slanted Simon Says For The Last Time

Cook. Cook. Cook. I have no idea what the judges were seeing tonight. I guess it's just my taste in music and I can understand that the little guy is a decent enough singer - but I'd never pay a nickel to hear him sing. Never. At this point I think they are going for diversity. They've never had a squeaky clean young male winner. Clay Aiken was not squeaky clean.....but he was made to squeak on occassion. Anyhooooo, in totality for the competition, I pick David Cook. Like I've been saying since I started talking about it many moons ago - he was my early favorite just from hearing his original audition doing the Bon Jovi song. I just dig his voice, plain and simple....and I'd take his version of that song over the original any day of the week.

Slanted SImon Says: Teenage Wasteland

I didn't really enjoy this week. I think in my mind, I know how everything is going to turn out so I don't care as much anymore. It's almost like it's been decided already. Howard Stern had the odds on today and Archuleta is a 6-5 favorite with Cook being a close 3-2. Syesha was 15-1 and you can't count high enough to see what Jason's odds are. Is he retarded? I hate to use the word "retarded", but really, is he retarded? He's in his early 20's and he's already smoked a lot of brain cells away. I think you could say "Jason, I have to tell you something.....your grandmother died in a house fire today" and he'd cough up some smoke and say "Really?........dude I'm going to miss her" and then smile and laugh some more. Tonight everyone seemed to prefer little David to big David but I didn't. I'm not saying his voice wasn't better, but I would never entertain buying a CD of little David's. Not for a second. He's never done a song on the shoe I even own. He is so freaking squeaky clean though that my daughter loves him and I'm glad for that. If only he wasn't probably one out of 1,000,000 in the nice department for young men. I like how DC takes songs like Hungry Like The Wolf and adds his gritty voice to it. He's still my choice but I doubt he can overcome the teeny boppers and moms who will vote for DA. Also, if you want a better version of Cook's Who rendition, go to YouTube and check out Blue Man Group's version with Tracy Bonham doing vocals. Heck, I was being lazy - I linked you. Very cool.

Slanted Simon Says: Zzzzzzzzzzz

Why the Zzzzzzzz's? Not because I found the show boring, but because I slept through it. I woke up at 8:50 and caught it on DVR. I got home from work and promptly threw up within 10 minutes of walking in the door. Shaky legs, hot sweats.....out of nowhere. Went to bed for a few hours, felt good as new. Weird. Maybe I'm pregnant? Or maybe I had bad tuna for lunch? Wow - can't wait to see Still A Dog's comment about how there is no such thing as bad tuna. On to the show...which you really don't miss much by watching it in 25 minutes as opposed to 60:

1. David Cook Can't Lose
2. Syesha - Wow. Don't call it a comeback...
3. David Archuleta - more of the same
4. Carly Smithson - the new Pat Benatar
5. Brook White - Worst performance that I can remember for her
6. Jason Dreads - Boo. Just.......boo.

Slanted Simon Says - Give Back

Geez, I didn't post anything last night on the show because I fell asleep on the floor. Nothing like waking up with carpet burn on your face....but I did see the show before zonking out. Based only on last night:

1. Brooke White - Not that she was superb, but everyone else was a shade off.
2. David Cook - Weird song. Who?
3. Kristi Lee Cook - Nice job!
4. David Archuleta - Meh.
5. Carly Smithson - Good, not great.
6. Micahel Johns - Not consistent at all.
7. Jason Dreads - Why do they like him so much? Stinkin' weirdo sissy pants.
8. Syesha Mercado - Liked her in the beginning and thought she was a threat. No more.

Did anyone notice when they pointed out that William Ford dude in the crowd? Have you ever seen anyone so uncomfortable in their own skin? Ick. He reminded me of Al Gore when his advisers told him to loosen up so he took off his jacket and rolled up his sleeves. Al cannot be casual with that giant stick up his ass. Ford looked like he had a meeting with 4 advisors who told him what to wear and he changed clothes 3 times before coming out. What an idiot. Be yourself, you jackass. Kids of today see right through fake.....and dude, you looked like a $3 bill.

Slanted Simon Says - Men Week 3

I was entertained last night. David Cook's rendition of "Hello" totally rocked. I would buy that in 2 seconds if it were availble. I may download the video from iTunes and rip the audio from it. I always thought for my garage band that we should take a song like that and completely rock it. Here are my rankings for this week only:

01. David Cook - my only comment about him is that he could definitely be more humble. I remember when he sang for the judges at the original audition - he was my early favorite.
02. David Archuleta - he seems like a 30 year old in a little kid's body.
03. David Hernandez - he's really good as well, but not my style.
04. Michael Johns - I keep seeing him as the guy who dances around singing The Safety Dance. He needs to get back to rocking it.
05. Jason Dreds - I didn't get it, but whatever, the judges dug it.
06. Danny Noriega - Nice rendition of the Soft Cell classic. Randy called Cook "Emo"ish but come on - no he's not! Danny is "Emo" if anyone is. He's got enough attitude to pull off punk.
07. Chikezie - sorry man, didn't feel it at all
08. Luke - Wham? Wham? It's time for you to "go go".

Slanted Simon Says - Men Week 2

Well, there were certainly more duds than studs on tonight's show. Still A Dog would say there are no studs, unless they are metal and on black leather.....chaps. Since we're down to 10, I'll add some smallish comments to each entry. I have no fear that I can pick the bottom two out of say....four? I am judging solely on tonight's performance. Here goes:

01. David Archuleta Will waltz into the finals. No real weakness so far.
02. David Hernandez Jumped way up from last week. Huge ego may snag him later. He thinks he's pretty.
03. David Cook Snarky. What's with the scarf? Was my favorite going into Hollywood week.
04. Michael Johns Needs to stop impersonating Jim Morrison / Michael Hutchence
05. Chikezie You can't sing that heavy soul stuff wearing 2 golf shirts and sneakers.
06. Robbie Carrico I want to fight this little turd poser and knock him on his turd poser ass.
07. Danny Noriega He'd make a decent looking girl.
08. Jason Castro I'm pretty sure his IQ is well below average.
09. Luke Why learn his last name when he's gone after Thursday?
10. Jason I had him last last week as well. He is such a D-O-R-K. Nice dancin' homie.

Has anyone else noticed we have Castro & Noriega together? What, no David Hitlers?