Steelers Caught With Pants Down!

After reviewing the free agent signings in the NFL for Wednesday and Thursday, I decided to place a call to Steelers headquarters in the 'Burgh. I asked for Kevin Colbert but he wasn't around. Seems Coach Tomlin was watching film. Dan Rooney was napping. Art II was throwing darts at a dartboard with Bill Cowher's face on it. Interesting. I asked the nice lady who answered the phone if anyone over there realized the free agent signing period began on March 2nd. She assured me it started on April 2nd and that I had nothing to worry about. They were cutting players that wanted sentimental money and devising a strategy for resigning the new core of the team. I told her that Joey Porter had already signed with the Dolphins and she said that it was just a rumor. I told her to check NFL.com and she said they all saw it, but assumed the website was hacked and the image of Joey wearing Dolphin's gear was "Photo Shopped". I asked her if they were targeting any players that would get the fans excited and she told me all about this exciting punter. I asked if I could put her on hold and get the new commissioner on the line - she agreed. The commish came on the line and informed her that the free agent signing period had indeed started almost a full week ago. Bells went off, alarms sounded, papers rustled....there was some screaming followed by some crying....followed by some screaming about crying. I heard what sounded like Coach scream "What? Is anyone left? A Punter!!!?????". In all the confusion, the office manager forgot about me so I slowly hung up the phone, happy with the fact that if they sign the punter, I'll never have to hear "You know Jim, Chris Gardocki has never had a punt blocked". I'll miss that almost as much as I miss hearing that Carlton Haselrig never went to college.