Best Fans, Duh!

ESPN ranks Steelers fans as best in the league. Tell me something I didn't already know.

Networks Are Cowards

I complain all the time about sports analysts trying too hard to be funny. It doesn't work. From Keith Olbermann trying to be witty to Tony K trying it in the booth - it doesn't work. You put 4 or 5 guys around a table and they all start laughing over nothing. It's probably a nervous laugh for who is going to get fired next. Anyway, ESPN invited Jimmy Kimmel into the booth on Monday. He's funnier away from his show than he is on it. He was great on The Man Show and he's one of Howard Stern's best guests (slightly better than his girlfriend Sarah Silverman). He had some hilarious one-liners and I actually laughed out loud at a couple of them. The network, however, thought they were inappropriate and he probably won't be back. So, for the record, the analysts themselves try to be funny and fail, so real comedians are brought in to be funny (and they succeed), yet maybe they offended somebody so now they can't come back. Who was offended? Joe Theismann? F him, he was horrible anyway. If you're going to bring someone on who has a penchant for being bitingly witty - you better tell him which subjects to lay off of. If not, you deserve to see Janet Jackson's boobies again. Get it?

Analyst Shmanalyst

I cannot understand a goddamn word that Shannon Sharpe says. Not a goddamn word. How does he keep his job? I'd rather have his screaming brother on the set...oh yeah...that won't matter next week because I'm turning on the TV at 12:59. These guys ruined my enthusiasm for the beginning of the season. ESPN had a countdown for the kickoff at 45 minutes or so out. Huh? Some comments: Chris Berman is a caricature of himself at this point. At least he's tolerable. Mike Ditka can't complete a sentence. He starts them...just doesn't finish them. Keyshawn Johnson is actually pretty good. I'm pleasantly surprised. Tom Jackson knows more than anybody on TV. I'd love to sit down and talk football with him. He's very knowledgeable. Emmitt Smith is a flaming idiot. An idiot, I say. I would love to know what his IQ is. I'm guessing about 10 points above mentally challenged. He just opined for 5 minutes on why the Chargers will have to wait 2 years to win because when you get a new staff it takes that long for everyone to get on the same page even though they have all kinds of talent. Keyshawn looked at him and asked what happened in year one when Barry Switzer took over for Jimmy Johnson. Apparently Dumb Emmitt wasn't ready for that question because he looked like normal - a deer caught in the headlights. On to CBS....I already spoke about Shannon...I think he has pictures of the head of CBS. Dan Marino is "Ok" I guess, nothing special. Bill Cowher took it easy today and didn't say much. Boomer Esiason thinks he owns the set. He's pretty knowledgeable, but he talks too much. CBS is also copying "Jacked Up" by having the McDonald's "Pounders". Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Cowher picked the Vikings as his surprise team and said the QB reminds him of Kordell Stewart. Yes, he said exactly that! My goodness. When they went out to the guys doing the games...I almost laughed at Dan Dierdorf. He looks more and more like a St. Bernard every year. I think I heard him "Woof!". The FOX staff is decent, but they laugh too much at stupid stuff that isn't even funny. Howie is the best of the crew, Bradshaw is decent, Jimmy Johnson is turning into Ditka. Oh well, on to the games.

The Pipe Maker Burns Out Welcome

Thank God. ESPN will not be extending Michael Irvin's contract this season. He was working on a 1 year deal which was a brilliant move on ESPN's part. Irvin has been with the program NFL Countdown since 2003 when he took over for another hyper analyst - Sterling Sharpe. These guys think whomever talks the loudest is the most correct. If they continue to fill that seat with arrogant idiots, Sean Salisbury will be in for interviews shortly. Irvin was always in trouble during his playing days and has had several missteps since being on ESPN - most recently saying Tony Romo's great great great grandmother must have visited the hood to "get some" or went down to the barn to see a slave. That's how Irvin explained Romo's speed for a white guy. Even though I watch less and less pregame shouting every year - it will be easier now to stomach Countdown without Irvin. I don't want Marty. I don't want "The Tuna". Emmit Smith and Marshall Faulk are both terrible on NFL Network. I'm not sure who they will chase but they can never settle on seats 3 and 4. Mort, Jaws and Steve Young still report but no longer sit. Ditka can't complete a full sentence because his mind races ahead of his mouth. Is it that hard to find somebody to complement Fred Flintstone and Tom Jackson?

The Answer Is Yes

And the follow up question should have been "and why is your tie knot as big as your head?".