DOG: Tag - You're It!

PK- Jeff Reed hit with the Franchise Tag

We start our series of off-season Stiller articles this week with some news that will shape our roster for this coming season and likely for years to come.

First off, the truly good news is that Fat Casey Hampton has been signed to a 3 year, $21 million contract. This does several things for the Stillers, all of them good. First of all $21mil., 11 mil. of which is guaranteed, sounds like a lot of dough to us regular working folks. But it can be classified as a "hometown discount" to people who know the true value of a consistent run stopping Pro-Bowl Nose Tackle. Secondly, we've got the foundation of our defense set for next year. Third, it gives us three years to find and groom a successor for that position. And lastly, we do not need to be in a rush to draft a player for this spot high in the upcoming draft unless he happens to be the "best player available" by the time the Stillers are on the clock.

The assumption by many was that Hampton would not sign with the Stillers and force them to use the Franchise Tag on him. After signing Casey, the Stiller front office chose instead to franchise placekicker Jeff Reed. A much cheaper option. With Reed tagged, it gives him a hefty salary increase while buying the organization time to continue contract negotiations with Reed's agent. And most importantly it keeps one of the top 3-4 kickers in the game on our roster.

Among those untagged and not under contract are starting safety, Ryan Clark, and running back, Fast Willie Parker. I'm not sure what the front office has up their sleeves for these guys. It's possible they want both back at reduced contracts. But they are willing to risk losing either or both and must have a plan in case this occurs. In Parker's case I think there is a reasonable chance he will resign with the Stillers to be Mendenhall's backup. The reason for this is that the market will be flooded with name running backs looking for a new team. LaDanian Tomlinson has already been released by the Chargers, and Bryan Westbrook has been cut by the Eagles (although Westbrook likely has concussed his way right out of the league). Also about to be set free are Clinton Portis in Washington and Chester Taylor in Minnesota. So Parker my just take a discount too and remain a Stiller for the remainder of his career.

Ryan Clark, I don't know. If we don't sign him what is the backup plan? Surely it cannot be Ryan Mundy. And Tyrone Carter is a free agent as well, which is fine because he can't play anymore anyway. Move DeShea to Safety? DeShea's not under contract either! So either we sign Clark, draft a safety high. Get one who can start immediately. Or sign a free agent from some other team to fill the position with NFL caliber play. I'm guessing the Stillers think they can re-sign Clark later and draft a replacement for him this year (or last year, some say Keenan Lewis could make a real good free safety, who knows?).

The Transition Tag was not used on anybody when most thought Clark was a candidate for that. So it's hard to say what the plan is. All I know is that there absolutely is a plan which is far more than the fans of many other NFL teams can say... Al Davis anyone??

FAN: Joran Van Der Sloot's Dad Dead

Dropped dead playing tennis. Everybody knows the guy knew something, probably even helped his shithead son with the coverup. I hope he enjoys an eternity of satan shoving hot coals up his ass. I still can't believe Natalie's family allows Joran to walk around a free man....alive.

FAN: Still A Fan, The Early Years I

When we're home due to snow, or all up early on a weekend, we tend to grab a tape of Still A Stroke's early years and watch it while we eat breakfast or something. Even though she's only 10, it's still fun to go back and watch a tape when she was 3.

It never fails after the tape ends that she wants to look through the picture album that my mother kept for me. You see, instead of losing pictures or throwing them in a box, my mom could have worked for a museum. The photos are in chronological order (a concept Mrs. Fan finds hard to grasp) and they contain so much hand written data that I could probably tell you what the weather was doing out that window there over my right shoulder. I used to kid her about it all the time. I love it that the dates are on everything. However, I have classroom pictures from 1st grade which contain 23 wallet sized photos of everyone in the class and there is a blue ink arrow pointing to me. What? Like in 20 years, Ma, are you going to forget which one was me? God rest her soul, she loved to write on pictures.

Still A Sis got way more of this gene than I did. We are lucky if we write the date on the back of Stroke's school pictures or what grade it even is. We have all of her 8x10's displayed in a hallway upstairs and there are disagreements if they are even in order. Sis meanwhile will give you some detail. "EJ in a chair, an adirondack chair, on a mountain - Mt. Blah where we camp, in the summer. It is 2004 in the year of our Lord. I believe the sun was trying to peek out of the clo...." yes we get it. I am either bad at this, or it was so shoved down my throat as a youth that I just can't force myself to do it. I had to sit with her when a roll of film was developed after a party and name every person in the shot left to right. I will display some of these picture "backs" when I get to them.

Anyway, I thought it would be fun to post some of these gems. As we looked through the album last time, I was thinking "Oh I should post that!" about every 5 minutes. So here is the first one I will share with you. It's April 5th 1970. This was taken at "9th St. Apartment". I was 1 year 5 months old. Stilladog may have still been in high school, I'm not sure but I bet he remembers me, cute as a button, just like this.

Now, to Still A Dad, I have an issue. Dude, you're my homeboy.....my MAN! How could you let me out of the house with this ear contraption on? Really? I thought we were tight? It looks like a football helmet from 1933! Were my ears so big that a normal hat wouldn't suffice? How could I pick up the 2 or 3 hot neighbor girls (Anisa, Deanne, Jackie) looking like that? I'm kind of disappointed in you and I may withhold some of the father's day budget this year. I'm just sayin.......

FAN: Nobody Flipped Out?

Read this article about pedophile pediatricians. I can't believe there was no street justice. If my daughter ever came home and a day later told me something like "why did he kiss my tongue", this particular doctor would have been missing his or worse by that afternoon. Now he'll claim mental illness and go to a cushy hospital, get out, transfer his credentials to another state and go right back to making $200k a year. Not in my world he wouldn't. In my world he'd be barely identifiable from the swelling of a pipe beating. Leave kids alone.

FAN: Winter Olympics Random Rant

I'm finding that the older I get, the more I realize I don't really like the Winter Olympics. Maybe I don't even like the Olympics, period.

At least for the summer, the sports seem more pure to me. You line guys up to run the 100, it's man against man. Same track, same conditions. It seems like every Winter event I watch - I can find fault with.

I watch the bobsledding and luge events and see that 37 teams all finish within 2 seconds of each other. I would love....love.....to strap two crash test dummies into a sled and send it down the track. I'm pretty sure they could get on the podium. In fact, I'm willing to bet that if had data dating back 50 years as to the combined weight of the sledders and sleds - we would begin to see a pattern for these small differences in time. Still A Fan and his one bad cat and one good cat take Bronze in 1 Human 2 Animals Bobsledding!

Ski Jump looks the same to me. Strap some skis on me which I have never done in my life and let me on that hill. I think I can beat at least one person from a warm country. Seriously! What if I'm the lucky bastard who gets a big lift from the wind at the precise time of takeoff? During one of the alpine events the first skier had perfect vision and it was a downright blizzard halfway in. How is that fair? Also, aren't there advantages, disadvantages just from the condition of the course as more skiers go?

Don't even get me started about skating. I like the racing, especially the short track but I wonder where it originated. Most likely a poor country. It's like 4 guys racing in my frozen hot tub. Just think if they did that with summer track. Cool. I just hate the judged events. Hate them. I like clear winners. That little cry baby Nancy boy sissy from Russia...Plushenko or something? I'm pretty sure my 10 year old girl can kick his whiny ass. I am so tired of him.

I'm tired of this guy Dick Buttons who has to weigh in on everything skating. Who cares? I'm tired of the opening and closing ceremonies. Does anybody remember such drama and waste from the 70's or 80's? They said Canada spent $300 million dollars on the opening ceremony and that it was a fraction of what China spent. People want me to send $ to Haiti and even donate to our starving American kids yet nobody has an issue with a 3 hour "show" costing $300 million dollars to produce? And what's with the natives dancing the ENTIRE TIME the teams were walking out? I would have killed somebody, seriously.

The Olympics have become too big for their own britches. You win a bronze medal and the first thing you are asked seconds later is if it hurts not to get the gold. For F's sake buddy....I'm the 3rd best person in the world at LUGE.....LUGE!.....let me enjoy it before this angry guy from Pennsylvania super glues a bowling ball into my...luge?....in an attempt to take my medal away from me.

DOG: Caption This Picture V - Olympic Edition

OK it's from the Summer Olympics but...

FAN: Tiger Woods Press Conference Hides Behind Olympics

Did anyone else think Tiger's suit jacket was huge? As soon as I saw a picture and then the clip, I immediately thought of David Byrne in his large white suit from the 1980's. The thing that's weird to me is I keep hearing that two ex Bush advisors staged the entire event. Was there a reason to not have him looking like a million bucks? I think they tried to make him not as "slick". It helped the cause to have him seem less than perfect.

The other thing that's very obvious to me but I didn't see or hear anyone else raise the issue - he did it on a Friday, during the day, DURING THE OLYMPICS. He'll be overun on sports pages, clips and websites. Very smart. Very calculating. Very Tiger. He's not sorry. He's sorry he got caught. I say who cares? He's still a golf machine.

FAN: No Broom?

I snapped this at a red light last night on my way home from work. I missed what I was trying to get though. The woman was using a METAL SHOVEL to push the snow off the top of her Volvo. Push. Metal. Volvo. People wonder why couples get divorced.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

FAN: Great Marketing

I'm about to begin a pretty big DIY project in my house. I'm going to completely upgrade our master bathroom. I've been thinking about it and planning it out in my head for the last year and I finally put everything together in a spreadsheet that I want to accomplish.

I broke the project up into manageable tasks and then ordered them. One of the first things I'm doing is the area where the toilet is. It sits alone between a halfwall and a wall when you first walk in. I'm going to remove the current tile, drop that area's slate floor in, and then replace the toilet.

While looking for toilets online, I found some interesting items. Home Depot actually sells bidet seats that are heated and have joystick controlled heads. NICE! Ok, I'm not going to go there, but I did settle on a "Champion 4" model. I couldn't pass it up after reading the ad. Instead of a 2" pipe pushing water into the bowl, this baby has a 4" pipe. Also, instead of the standard 2" opening that leaves the bowl, the Champ has a 2.75" opening. The ad proudly states "able to move a mass 70% larger than a standard 2" opening."

Now that's what I'm talking about. It claims to be plunger-free. It claims to be able to flush a bowl full of golf balls. I'm giddy just thinking about it. I'll post some before and after photos as I make my way around the room. 

FAN: Who Is Colbert Loyal To?

I just read an article that said Kevin Colbert is in the last year of his current contract. Speculation is that if the Rooneys do not resign him before next season he will eventually join Bill Cowher when he takes over (enter team here) next year. I've always thought The Jaw was just waiting for John Fox to quit or be fired so he could stay in cushy North Carolina and out of the AFC. If Colbert goes, he goes. Who knows the league and football men better than the Rooneys? I trust them 100% to replace him with a good football person. Had the Rooneys not plucked Colbert from the Lions his career may have died years ago anyway. No one man will make or break the Steelers.

FAN: Ebay Needs Feedback Changes

Look, I'm not going to write 1,000 words on why Ebay sucks. I happen to like Ebay and it feeds the three things I happen to collect. That being said, I'm a process guy and their feedback system is a large pile of fresh steaming possum excrement on a cold night. You hear me Ebay? I'm talking to you! Will it do any good to rant and rave here for 60 people to read? No. However, it might help if you send this link to people you know who Ebay or potentially work for Ebay....otherwise known as E Money Whores who do not care about the people who make them their money.

My name is Still A Fan....this is my story. I'm not going to wax poetic. I'm going to stick to the facts. I joined Ebay in 2001. I have 480 feedbacks, 479 of which are positive. I both sell and buy. Two weeks ago Mrs. Fan asked me to sell some old items that were too valuable to toss. One item was a Motorola Pink Razr with the booklet, 2 wall chargers, 2 car charges and a holster. I've been burned before by people who buy something and then wait forever to pay. I list on all of my items that Paypal payment is due within 3 days of auction end or I will relist the item. It also says in all caps "NO EXCEPTIONS".

My lot of 6 items sold all within an hour of each other. I received 5 payments within another hour or so. No payment on the phone. I prepared 5 shipping labels and packaged the items up wanting to take them all to the PO at once or schedule a pickup at my house, again all at once. I still had no payment on the phone 3.5 days later and had not heard from the winner. I sent a reminder from Ebay on day 2. Oh well. I wasn't going to do two of anything because of one slacker so I offered the phone to the second highest bidder using the second chance feature. The individual snapped it up for $1 less and paid immediately. Superb! I scheduled the pickup of my items for the next day.

The next day I received an email that I got a payment of $34 to paypal. Yup, now the original buyer sent payment. I refunded the payment immediately and sent a nice email explaining that she missed my deadline and I sold the phone to the next highest bidder. I didn't just yank the carpet - I told her I was sorry, that I had explicit terms that she didn't follow and that I had no idea if I would ever hear from her so I allowed someone else who bid $1 less to buy it before they lost interest and I lost a sale.

I received an email back that read like it was written by a person in the third grade. It said I was wrong. They paid in the time limit and that I would receive negative feedback and have a case opened against me. No chance to reply. I flipped over to Ebay and there was the negative feedback already. One thing Ebay tries to do before you leave negative feedback is make sure you tried all avenues first to settle between parties. The feedback said I wasn't happy with what I sold it for so I was relisting to gain more money - watch out! I found this amusing as using the second chance offer button by nature is taking less money for an item.

I immediately sent her an email back explaining myself again and I sent her a one time only request from Ebay to cancel the transaction which would erase the feedback as well. She refused and said she paid in time. Bitch! I screen printed the listing with my rules on it, the date the auction ended and the date I received payment and sent it all to her. Now I didn't get a reply. Again, BITCH! I sent an email to customer service for feedback removal. I replied to her feedback on my page swallowing hard not to get nasty and explained myself.

Ebay sent me a form reply saying my case doesn't merit feedback removal as she broke no specific rule they have. They said I could also send her a 1 chance only feedback edit opportunity and explain myself. She denied the chance, of course, that BITCH. I replied to ebay and told them to escalate to a manager, to look at my rule I posted, look at the end date and look at the payment date and then tell me HOW they can allow someone to leave negative feedback and a LIE about a 9 year user with close to 500 transactions and a 100% feedback rating. They apologized profusely but said again she broke no specific rule of theirs.

I tried one last time in a plea offering up that there should be special cases, just like this, where rules are posted and broken where a user shouldn't be allowed to post negatively when they screwed up. I even asked how it was possible for her to leave feedback for me after the item was retracted and sold to someone else? They said I could have gone through the process to cancel the transaction with this buyer first. WTF? The whole reason I have the 3 day rule is to expedite the process of packing and shipping. When we first started selling, I would batch 10 items up and sell them and we would get payments in via paypal and snail mail over the next 2 weeks making it impossible to make one shipment. If selling is going to work for me, I need to be able to sell x items and ship x items together. Plus, this individual swine was not going to cancel anything. I sent that back to them and have yet to hear.

I did take the opportunity to send her one more email. I had her name and address and I even Goggle stalked her to see if I could see her stupid face. Alas, I could not. I also don't want to be too big of a jerk in case her significant other is a 6' 8" ogre with an attitude. I basically told her how small of a person she is for realizing she's wrong and not doing anything to correct the situation. She looks like an idiot because the person who bought the phone for less is 2 items above her on my feedback list and it shows the price as being less than the original sale.

In a nutshell, an Ebay user of 1.5 years bought something from an Ebay user of 9 years, didn't follow the seller's instructions, lost the deal because of it, and then still has a "right" to enter negative feedback about the seller and her stupid opinion about why I did it. I would have accepted negative feedback if the comment said "His payment demands suck and should be extended".

Lastly, to prove what a mental giant she is, I went to her mypage. You can leave reviews for items you buy so that when the next person is looking for a phone, they can read about what others say about Pink Motorola Razrs. She left 1 review so I read it. Guess what? It's about me! Instead of reviewing the phone, she reviewed the "sale" and suggested I be banned from Ebay for what I tried to do to her. LOL. What an idiot. She is either in denial, or can't actually process the order the events and what really went down. I think it's the latter. Some people say "Do not bid on my items if you have less than 10 transactions". They need a button that says "Do not bid on my items if your IQ is less than 100".

I will now put on my work hat and suggest to ebay that before accepting a deal or finalizing a buy - the buyer gets a box to check that says "I understand and accept the seller's payment requirements". I almost blame Ebay more than the user. They could absolutely take special cases into consideration or choose to look harder into issues when a user replies to the same help ticket multiple times. I agree you can't police all the feedback - it's impossible. But added to the profanity and personal abuse policy should be some defined area where they get involved.....especially if it's someone's first negative and they have over - oh i don't know - 450 positives?

DOG: What Are You Listening To Now? #14

Last year on a snow day I posted about finding a digital copy of George Orwell's 1984. But this year's snow days are filled with music. That is, until I get my lazy ass out to shovel the 50 inches (no exaggeration) of snow at my house. But I'm still sore from shoveling the first 27 inches. The extra 19 we got yesterday is damn near going to kill me. As I write this I look out the window to see two assholes in dual axle trucks (one's got a plow even!) stuck in front of my house. Idiocy knows no boundaries.

Nonetheless, I've come across some real good stuff to add to my collection lately and here's what I've been listening to while Mrs. Dog watches some zombie-shit on FearNet. Since it's been a long time since I posted one of these WAYLT articles, and since I have some free time to explore, I have to expand the list:

15. Sonny Stitt - Two albums. Primitivo Soul! and Stitt Plays Bird. I really like Sonny Stitt and these are two quality albums which I did not even know existed until very recently.

14. Duke Robillard - The Unheard Tapes of Duke Robillard. For a disc (tape?) full of Duke's leftovers a whole lot of this stuff is very very good. Duke is the consummate musician.

13. The Mighty Sparrow - Calypso Carnival. The Mighty Sparrow is one of the preeminent Calypso artists ever from Trinidad. No Calypso genre would be complete without him.

12. Oliver De Coque - Two albums. Identity and I Salute Africa. These are vinyl rips which contain all the inequities of vinyl analog source. But they are a very good representation of African Highlife music.

11. Spyro Gyra - Stories Without Words. Actually I've recently added a slew of Spyro Gyra albums to my collection but this is the one I keep coming back to.

10. Darrell Mansfield Band - If such a genre of Christian Blues exists, this guy/band is at the top of the heap. Mansfield is an accomplished harp player and leader of this outfit. The music itself is top notch blues. It is not until you listen carefully to the lyrics that you hear the Christian message embedded within.

9. Eva Cassidy - Three albums. Songbird, American Tune, & Imagine. If I could pick a favorite I'd have listed only one. She's a local girl from Bowie, MD. A friend of mine gave me an Eva Cassidy live album late last summer and it's very good. So when I saw these three I scooped them up. Almost all of her success and recognition has come posthumously as she died of melanoma in 1996.

8. Foo Fighters - I've been listening to a number of their albums lately but mostly their first album, Foo Fighters, and one called The Color And The Shape.

7. Chet Atkins & Jerry Reed - Sneakin' Around. As you might imagine for a couple of country pickers this accomplished, Sneakin' Around leans heavily toward the jazz side of country. Outstanding!

6. Mare Edstrom - Mare's Blues. This is a compilation from three of her earlier releases. Edstrom is a classically trained vocalist and it shows. She is completely spot on with every note. This is almost unheard of in blues music (or in Super Bowl events either right, Carrie Underwear and Roger Daltrey?). While it's precision is something to marvel over, there seems to be little of the true blues passion which is at the heart of the music.

5. Jimmy D Lane - Legacy. Jimmy D Lane is the son of blues legend Jimmy Rogers. He was working a jackhammer for a construction company when Huber Sumlin gave him a Stratocaster. Once he decided on a musical career there was no turning back. Fans of Stevie Ray Vaughan will enjoy this disc immensely.

4. Dwight Yoakum - Again I have been listening to a bunch of his old albums. But the one I'll list in case anybody actually checks out any of the music I post here is Guitars, Cadillacs, Etc. Etc.

3. Slim Harpo - Baby Scratch My Back. This was ripped from a vinyl source in mono! But it is an outstanding old blues album from 1966. I'm not sure if it's a compilation album or not but it does contain many of Harpos famous songs. In particular, Shake Your Hips, which was popularized by the Rolling Stones on Exile On Main Street.

2. The Forever Fabulous Chickenhawks - Live at the Gypsy Tea Room. I had read positive reviews about this album but had never run across it. I found it in Florida a couple weeks back and have been listening to it ever since. Very highly recommended.

And the #1 album I've been listening to and recommend to you is...

1. Otis Rush - Right Place, Wrong Time. This album from 1971 completely blew me away. I did not know blues riffs were played like this in 1971. Otis Rush was a man way ahead of his time. Rest assured I will be seeking out more of his recordings going forward.

So that's it for now. Please leave any comments about what you're listening to or anything about the albums I've listed. I'll be happy to share whatever I know about the music. Time for me to go shovel snow.

FAN: Good News Out Of Snow

An article I just read about how the East Coast got pummeled with snow said and I quote:

"...but it wasn't all bad. There hasn't been a homicide in Washington DC in a week."

That made me laugh. I don't know why.

FAN: Peyton Manning In The Playoffs- Fail

Stilladog got me thinking last night after reading his post. Who has Manning won against in the playoffs? I'm sick and tired of people talking about him as the greatest ever when he's won exactly one championship, and that was against Rex Grossman. Let's pull back the curtain a little bit on a snowy day and take a look. Is he great? Is he great in the regular season only? What's his deal anyway? What happens when you take away the security blanket that is his dome?

Forget about the failures in college and high school to win it all or win against the biggest rivals. Let's concentrate on just the NFL. Manning is a crazy 131-61 in the regular season with a passer rating of 95.2. How on Earth is it possible then that he is a pedestrian 9-9 in the playoffs with a rating of 87.5. Great players are supposed to play better in big moments, not crumble.

So, who exactly did he beat in the playoffs with his 9 wins? Let's check:

Jake Plummer in a Wildcard game.
Trent Green in a Divisional game.
Jake Plummber in a Wildcard game.
Trent Green in a Wildcard game.
Steve McNair in a Divisional game.
Tom Brady in a Conference Championship game.
Rex Grossman in the Super Bowl.
Joe Flacco in Divisional game.
Mark Sanchez in Conference Championship game.

Wow. What a list of future Hall Of Famers. Maybe Manning just racks up stat after stat when there is no pressure and then caves in when it matters most.

Who did he lose playoff duals to?

McNair in Divisional game.
Jay Fieldler in Wildcard game.
Chad Pennington in Wildcard game (41-0)
Tom Brady in Conference Championship game
Tom Brady in Divisional game.
Ben Roethlisberger in Divisional game.
Philip Rivers in Divisional game.
Philip Rivers in Wildcard game.
Drew Brees in Super Bowl.

Now get ready for this. Who is already favored to win the Super Bowl next year? The Colts. Why? Listen, I'm not saying he blows or anything, you'd be an idiot to say that. I'm saying if I'm in the Super Bowl and I have to pick one quarterback of all time to lead my team, why would I pick Manning? Is he really the best of all time? Maybe in the regular season you could make that point. Once the second season begins? Forget it.

FAN: Happy Birthday Us!

Yes, Steel City Slant turned 4 today! Woohoo! I don't know who OOP is, but I liked the picture enough to use. It was four years ago today that I pecked out the first post here. I think it was a decent piece. Who really knows.

I'm glad our 50 or so daily readers stop in. I'm also glad Stilladog agreed to join me when I asked. Without him throwing down, I would have thrown in the towel a while ago. I've found I go in spurts. I hate to just post because I haven't posted in a while because those are the posts that suck. I prefer to wait until something catches my eye or sets me off. Those are usually the ones I can go back and read and still get a laugh out of. I really enjoyed writing the Intuit post and laughed every time I reread the offensive line about the farm.

So please bare with us or get bare with us, we'll eventually get something new out here and try to keep folks coming back for more. I still think a female opinion would be crazy good to add to our mix and Still A While should accept an invitation to guest post at LEAST once a week.

Thoughts?

FAN: Meeting Hell

How fun. We have a vendor who delivers a release monthly and will charge us huge dollars to change that setup since they have a lot of clients on the monthly schedule. We are trying out a 5 week release cycle with our inhouse stuff. Please decide how we will release the 3rd party stuff the same night we do our own. Discuss.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

DOG: Who Dat Say Dey Gonna Cut Dat Meat?

The hero of New Orleans turned out to be their favorite son, Peyton "Big Brain" Manning. With his sphincter so tight he was shitting diamonds, he choked in classic Peyton fashion to hand a hard fought Super Bowl to his home town Saints at the expense of the team from whom he draws a paycheck.

Peyton needs to call up Rex Grossman this morning and take Rex and all his family on a nice vacation to Cabo San Lucas. For without the ineptitude of Grossman's QB play Peyton may not have ANY Super Bowl rings. All this Greatest of All-Time bullshit the media was pushing down our throat for two weeks blew up in their face. Every time Peyton Manning has faced a quality QB in a playoff situation he has lost (choked). He's lost to Roethlisberger, lost to Brady (multiple times), and lost to Rivers. And now he's lost to Drew Brees.

Is it any wonder Peyton loses to Justin Timberlake at Ping-Pong in the Sony commercial? He choked in that one too! In fact, there is a movement afoot to rename the Heimlich Maneuver for rescuing choking victims to the Manning Maneuver because #18 chokes so much.

I am very happy for the Saints. They have always been my second favorite football team behind my beloved Stillers. The first NFL game I ever saw was the Saints vs. the Stillers in 1968 at old Pitt Stadium. My dad chose that game to take me to because those were my two favorite teams. And much like the Stillers of the 70s, a 40-some year drought has ended for my other team in Black and Gold.

As for Manning, perhaps Kurt Warner can hook him up with a meat cutter job at some grocery chain. Cut that meat! But don't choke on it.

FAN: Dear Intuit

Dear Intuit,

I've been using your flagship product TurboTax for as long as I can remember. I have backed up tax files dating to 1999 but I think I started using TurboTax even before that. I think it's great how you find last year's file for me on my computer and pull over all the information for me from last year.

If you ever discreetly send information back to your servers you'll see my profession listed as software quality specialist. That means every time I use software, I'm in work mode. Nit-picking. Analyzing. Comparing. I pride myself on making the user experience better. I want to be the "go to" guy when the business and development can't make up their minds how something should flow. I would like to point out a minor annoyance with your software since you seemed to listen very well to an email I sent years ago concerning all the crap you wanted to install on my machine when I installed TurboTax. You haven't done that lately. Good for you.

You remember my name, my wife's name and my daughter's name. You remember where we worked. You remember our social security numbers. You remember not only what charities I gave money to but how much. You remember that I have a dismal side consulting gig that earns me fewer and fewer dollars each year as I have no free time to burn. You remember how I like to report that business as well as the method I use to track stock gains and losses. You remember where to send my check for direct deposit and who holds my mortgage. I would like to suggest one more thing you can remember.

I do not own a fucking farm! How many times do I have to tell you? How many? I didn't own one in 1999. I didn't own one in 2003. I didn't own one in 2007 and I don't fucking own one now! My address is the same! My job is the same. My wife's job is the same. Unless I figured out a way to make an extremely shady 1/3 of an acre profitable by growing 37 ears of corn - let me repeat - I DO NOT OWN A FARM. Who in the hell writes your software? Mr. Green Jeans? Al Gore? Bob Evans? Since about 10 AM yesterday I answered 126 questions using your software. No less than 43 of them were "Do You Own A Farm?" NOOOOOOOOOO. Cheese and Crackers! How about you add one question the second the software is installed.....right after you click launch. "Gee, Mr Still A Fan, I see here that you've filed your taxes with us electronically since 1999. We'd like to thank you for that. I also see that during that time, you've never once owned a farm (to see how miserable your life could be by waking up at 4 AM and pulling on cow tits, mending fences and going on a perpetual egg hunt - visit our sister site www.youshouldownafarmgoddamnit.com). If your farm owning status remains "No" please click here to avoid any farm related questioning during the interview process."

See how easy that would be, Intuit? One question saves many questions. Save a click, save a life....my life, because every time I see a question about a farm, it raises my blood pressure more than the farmer's special breakfast plate at IHOP. I mean it....stop it.

Sincerely,

Still A Fan

DOG: "Bullet" Bill Dudley Passes Away

Before there was "Hey Diddle Diddle Rogel Up The Middle" there was "Bullet Bill" Dudley. He was the first great Steeler running back. Drafted #1 by the Steelers in 1942 he served in the Army for 2 years (1943-1944) during WWII before returning to the team for two more seasons. He was MVP of the NFL in 1946. He also played for the Detroit Lions and Washington Redskins.

Dudley was more than a running back. He was also a kicker, punter, passer, and defensive back during his NFL career. He was an All-American at the University of Virginia and later served in the Virginia Legislature.

Bullet Bill passed away yesterday after suffering a stroke on Saturday. He will always be remembered as a beacon of light during dark years for the Steelers. May he rest in peace.

FAN: Driving By Periscope

I swear I passed a car worse than this on my way to work this morning. Local schools had a 2 hour delay for around 2 inches of snow which is idiotic in it's own right, but damn these kind of people piss me off. A car is designed to pretty much give a 360 degree view of your surroundings. This sap has about 17 degrees available. What is the cost of time versus the danger of driving like that? I seriously wish the police would be out on days after snow just begging for people like this to drive around. It's worse than speeding! I clear the top of my car off as well so I don't drop it on the guy behind me once I'm finally able to get up to speed. I just can't believe how lazy we are as a nation. Are we lazy? Is it apathy? What is it? It bugs me. I bet you $1,000 the Amish knock all the snow off their horses before they drive in the snow. You know what's worse? The driver was probably texting and eating at the same time.

FAN: Posh Mantis

Look, I like to post pictures of hot women, but Posh Spice has gone to pot.....or coke. On American Idol this week I couldn't stop looking at her. She is fascinatingly weird looking. I think she was way more attractive 8 years and 20 pounds of meat ago. Kara looks so much healthier than her. Ew. Like a big bug. Seriously, not a good look for her at all.

DOG: Back From The Caribbean

Duke Robillard

Well, I have returned to the cold and snow of my mid-Atlantic home. But I have returned with many stories, and a few pictures, of my trip to the Caribbean for the 2010 Legendary Rhythm & Blues Cruise. I made some new friends, saw some old friends, and met some new artists and even ran into a few Steelers in Ft. Lauderdale this morning returning from the Pro Bowl.

Soon as I boarded the ship I ran into James "Super Chikan" Johnson. I just learned who he was about 6 months ago and I was looking forward to hearing him play. So I told him I was glad to see him and was anxious to hear him play. He flashed a big gold tooth smile, said he was glad to be aboard and I went on up to my room. I saw him play at the Returnee Party at 11:00 the next morning and was blown away. Turned out he was the most entertaining artist on the cruise.

If you don't know about Super Chikan, he makes his own guitars out of just about anything from military gas cans, ceiling fan motor casings, cigar boxes, you name it. And he calls them "Chiktars." Some are actually 6 string diddley bows and can only be played with a slide. I ran into Super Chikan again during some down time in Curacao on the pool deck. We talked for a long time, maybe 45 minutes. We talked about his albums, slavery, the origins of the Boogie Man, all kinds of stuff. He's definitely an artist you need to check out and his new album Chikadelic is terriffic!

Super Chikan & Stilladog

Another new artist I learned about is Jason Ricci & New Blood. This guy is a harmonica player supreme. I don't know anyone who can come close to him really. Un-believable. There certainly was no harp player who could cut heads with him on the cruise and Magic Dick (formerly of the J. Geils Band) was on board!! If James Brown was the Godfather of Soul then this guy is the God Fairy of Blues. Yes, he is indeed gay. Very much so. At times flamingly queer. But his passion for the music is all you come away from the show remembering. He has a song he did at every set called The Outsider where he sings "too straight for the faggots, too queer for the gays" some heavy stuff. he's another guy I'd recommend checking out an album or two.

Jason Ricci

Finally, you'll recall I said I most hoped to hear Duke Robillard and Johnny Winter on this cruise. Johnny, while appearing to be in better health lately, was disappointing and played a rather uninspired pedestrian set of his songs.

Duke Robillard, on the other hand, absolutely ripped the place up! Duke set the pace on the first night and followed it up a few nights later at a smaller venue with some of the best guitar I have ever seen in person. He did about a 12 minute jam on Albert Collin's Dying Flu Blues which had to be heard to be believed! Fan-tastic!! On top of that I ran into Duke's baritone and tenor sax player Doug James at breakfast the first morning. I told him that I enjoyed the set the previous night. And we just fell into conversation like old baritone sax players which we are, and friends which we became. We discussed sound mixing and Duke's albums. I ran into him over and over. He sat in with Curtis Salgado's Big Band for a couple shows as well on tenor. But it wasn't until we were talking on the way back from the Bahamas that I realized he was an original member of Roomful of Blues and I had been listening to his music for years without knowing it!! He said his favorite Roomful of Blues album was the one with Eddie "Cleanhead" Vinson on it. That's one of mine too and I know it's one of Fan's favorites also ever since I turned him on to it about 7 or 8 years ago.

I also ran into an old friend of mine who used to work with my first wife. He lives not far from me but I haven't seen him in damn near 10 years but there he was on the Blues Cruise. Joined by our wives, we drank a little Curacao & Pistachio Liqueur which I smuggled in from the island of Curacao up in my stateroom.

Then this morning waiting for my flight out of Ft. Lauderdale airport, who do I see but James "Silverback" Harrison and the Heath Miller family returning to Pittsburgh from yesterday's Pro Bowl. I saw a couple people pesting Silverback for a photo which he obliged but I didn't bother him. Pretty cool ending to a nice vacation though.