Is Holmes A Punk?

An interesting tidbit I read today on www.steelerslive.com (which is operated by a newspaper) quoted Big Ben as saying he placed several calls to Santonio Holmes after he was drafted and none of them were returned. He said the first time he spoke to him was on Friday and all he said was "Hi". How much sense does that make? Furthermore, if Ben came out and said this to the press, does it mean anything? Santonio has been working out with Hines Ward so hopefully Hines will rub off on him a little and he'll end up being a keeper. I'm starting to wonder:

A. Whose draft pick was it? Cowher's or Colbert's?

B. Was it contentious?

C. If it was Colbert's pick and Cowher didn't agree with it, could that be why all the speculation has come out since the draft about Cowher returning after his contract is up?

I've always waited to see the #1 picks perform before I throw judgement around, but this kid isn't doing anything to endear himself to the fans. I can't think back to the last #1 pick that irked me before Holmes. I can't think who the last long holdout was, but certainly nobody comes to mind when thinking about all the little things this cat has done already. Thank goodness they're all small things.

Guess Who Didn't Run The Drills?

Doesn't Duce look good in a sweatsuit? He should get paid endorsements for wearing sweatsuits since that's all he does. The Steelers released the list of players that did NOT take part in the opening running drills that coach Cowher does every year on Day 1 to gauge the fitness level of his players. You would think at some point Duce would just man-up and do something...ANYTHING....to prove to this city and his teammates that he is tough enough to be the bruising back he was brought here to be. Doesn't he understand if gave 120% this city would adopt him and worship him? It's hard goddamn work getting paid that much money to sit in a tub of ice and hold coach Cowher's headset cables. Am I alone on this?

6 Degrees of Cock

Ok, now that I did a top-rated "Cock" movie list title steal and a Joel and Ethan Coen "Cock" list - I decided to use Kevin Bacon for installment #3. On to the titles:

Cockloose
Animal Cock
Cock The 13th
QuickCock
White Cock Summer
Plans, Trains & Cocks
She's Having A Cock (my personal favorite)
Flatcocks (a close second)
He Said, Cock Said
A Few Good Cocks (too obvious)
The Cock Up There (wow. thats funny)
The Cock Wild
My Cock Skip (hilarious!)
Mystic Cock or Cock River (can't decide)

This is so much fun I need to make it a weekly column!

Slanted #24

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Inspired By Winkie

Slanted #23

Andrew Velez, My New Hero

You may have seen the headline today or at least heard the soundbite...the Velez family of Texas lost their second son to the war on terrorism. What a lot of news outlets are hiding in the soundbites and at the bottom of stories is the fact that when his brother Freddy was killed in Fallujah, Andrew was given the option to return home and leave Afghanistan. I don't need to go into detail about how some of the left likes to paint the war on terror. You'd almost think our guys are being held there against their will from what you hear from the TV talking heads. When given the option to return home, Andrew Velez decided that what he was doing was making a difference and he wanted to stay. He was part of the team searching for Osama Been Hiden. This guy wanted to serve his country and serve it well. Well, serve it well he did. Our heroes should not be people that hit dimpled or stitched balls far. Our heroes shouldn't be giants that can throw footballs 70 yards or run people over when carrying one. Our heroes shouldn't be musicians that play music in front of 50,000 fans at a time or actors that make Hollywood magic. Our heroes should be people that are half a world away, helping to prevent the next terrorist attack. Our heroes should be Pat Tillman and Andrew Velez, two men who didn't have to sign up, but did because they believed in the cause and wanted to make a difference. My heart goes out to this family and I hope they know how much people like myself appreciate their sacrifice.

Training Camp Eve

Still A. Crazy South Bob...or whatever he wants to be called....sent me this clip this morning and it got me FIRED UP! I had goosebumps! That's how much I love my team. The soldiers is what gets to me. Can you imagine the Iraqi citizens going about their daily business and a friggin' tank rolls through town with a Steeler flag flying? Wow. I'm ready to turn the main content of the site back over to Steeler Nation. Watch this clip. I think I'm going to prepare my own as well.

Gen X Flashback

Click Here!

Impressed By Home Videos

This is superb. I think it's a bunch of Bush clips spliced together to create the lyrics to Sunday Bloody Sunday. Even if it's faked, it still sounds really good and it's entertaining. The networks should be afraid. There are far more creative people putting together 5 minute clips than are making network TV shows. They should be trolling YouTube looking for creative people.

Not That There's Anything Wrong With That

Lance Bass of 'N-Sync came out of the closet today as the first of the 5 kiddie boppers in the band to make the announcement "I'm gay and proud of it". So proud in fact that he "hid" this news for several years. In other news today.... George Bush announces he is a conservative. Al Gore states he's for the environment. Jenna Jamison loves the porn. Tiger Woods seems to be taken with golf. Pam Anderson is smitten with rock stars. Joe Theisman loves to hear the sound of his own voice. Apparently the Yankees and Red Sox don't care much for each other. Heather Locklear and Denise Richards are no longer friends. Paris Hilton loves to bend just so when she gets out of a car wearing a skirt and no panties. Ok, this is getting bad in a hurry. It says Lance is in a relationship with a former reality TV Star. Hello? Calling Clay Aiken? Calling Clay Aiken? I bet somewhere tonight in the dark...Lance Bass's Ass is Aiken....not that there's anything wrong with that. I hope those kids will be happy. Lance Bass is gay. Shit, I could have told you that in 1997!

Parents. Parents? Parents!

This sickens me to my core. Yes, a monster committed the crime, but where on earth were the parents? You DO NOT let a 5 year old go outside by herself and then go out to check on her 5 or 10 minutes later! I don't care that the yard was fenced in! It was chainlink! A fence is for a dog, not a child. You need to have your eyeballs on a 5 year old! My daughter will be 7 in 2 months and she isn't out of my site for 10 minutes at a time. This isn't 1975 (as much as I wish it was). This is 2006. I feel for these people for they will probably never forgive themselves - but if the dad is saying he went outside 5-10 minutes later to check on her...how long was it really? I hope the scumbag that did this gets the death penalty and I hope he gets bent over his cot on several occasions before he dies a horrible death. Freaking piece of shit. There better not be an insanity plea. You could really say anyone who wants to bring harm to a 5 year old is insane. Please let the world be rid of this worthless waste of breath. Don't let your kids have too much freedom at that age. You can't afford to in this day and age. Back in the day, I could ride my bike to little league practice 4 blocks away and then go to a friend's house to play 6 blocks away from the ball field. I didn't have to be home until the street lights came on. I wasn't 6 or 7 but I wasn't 12 either. I started to run the neighborhood when I was 9 or so. The thing is, I couldn't go anywhere and not have someone know me. My neighbors didn't change. Ever. I knew if I stepped out of line several blocks away - eyes were on me that knew my parents. Fast forward to 2006: I've lived in this house for 2 years now and I seriously don't know the first or last names of the people that live 2 doors away from me on either side of me! I don't know the name of the woman that lives across the street from me, but I say "Hi" all the time. You don't know your neighbors anymore. You might know some really well, but there are others right around you that you have no CLUE about. There is so much turnover these days in big city suburbs that it is unbelievable. This house was built in 1991 and we're the 3rd owner. Our first house was built in 1991 also and it has had 3 owners - as has the house right beside our first house. I would be willing to bet that out of the 120 or so houses in our little development, less than 10% are original owners. So, I guess if you live in a small town with little or no turnover - sure - let the kids go outside and play their hearts out because you know everyone and everyone knows your kid.....but if you live somewhere where "For Sale" signs are common or you live in a neighborhood where "thru traffic" passes through for the daily commute....you're a fool if you let your 5 year old go unattended for 10 minutes. F-O-O-L.

Star Wars Chad Vader

This is some funny funny stuff. Maybe I'll look for more and start a series of these. This one is called Chad Vader: Day Manager

Brady Schmady

I'm still trying to figure out how Peter King of SI picked the Patriots to go to the Super Bowl for the AFC. Ok, they have Tom Brady, but from what I understand, Brady doesn't run the ball, play receiver or kick huge game-winning field goals....he doesn't rush the passer, stop the run or defend on deep bombs. Here's a list of who the Patriots lost this off season: PK Adam Vinatieri, LB Willie McGinest, WR David Givens and TE Christian Fauria left via free agency. QB Doug Flutie retired. Defensive coordinator Eric Mangini became head coach of Jets. This is a list of who they added: WR Reche Caldwell, PK Martin Gramatica, CB Eric Warfield, DT Jonathan Sullivan. Exactly! Yes, they have the coach and yes they have the QB - but we've all found out how cyclic the NFL is and I have news for you...if the Steelers don't go back to the Super Bowl...it will NOT be because of the Patriots. Who will it be if it's not the Steelers? Tough question. Indy replaced Vanderidiot with Vinatieri giving them a money kicker. I say money because I'm still not sure the team with the best offense in the league needed to spend that kind of money on a kicker when two defensive starters left. In my estimation, they did not get better. Denver may have gotten better by adding Javon Walker. Nobody even cares if "Assley" returns since Javon showed up. Kubiak leaving isn't a problem since Shanny runs the offense anyway. The Bengals lost nobody of importance and the only issues are Palmer being ready to play and if they can field enough people to play since half their team is in jail. The Jaguars were starting to look scary as I think they are solid all around and have good coaching - but since Jimmy Smith retired and they didn't replace him adequately, I'm not sure if the passing game can take pressure off the running game. The Chiefs are always a question mark. I can't believe the offense will remain as potent with Herm Edwards there as he is way more conservative than Vermeil and Saunders. The defense should be a little better. Maybe this will be their year or maybe they'll be 8-8, you can never tell about the Chiefs. San Diego? Not in Philip River's first year - sorry. The Fish? Interesting....but the sexy pick this early in the year never pans out. Culpepper is rumored to only be at 70%. He better get better fast or he's going to be on his back alot come week 1. I like our chances to get back to the bowl. I think a hungry Panthers team will be there waiting for us!

Winkie Lives!

Read it here. I think Winkie used to work in my building when I worked in the city. I rode the elevator a few times with her.

The Wild 1, Humans 1

Two stories caught my eye this morning as I browsed the news. They both contain animals not in the news that often. The first is Winkie, an elephant. Seems Winkie doesn't like the direction her life has taken. She used to be a performance elephant and now she's still in captivity....in Tennessee. Winkie has a history of being naughty to humans. Gee, I wonder why? Now don't get me wrong - I'm not a PETA supporter. All I'm saying is this beast has never lived a day of it's life the way it was intended to be lead, that's all. I can understand. It's like the Doctor that blew up his building in New York. I don't agree with the method....but I understand why he did it. Every once in a while we get tired of "The Man" telling us what to do. If you have any kind of backbone at all, you push back a little. Maybe Winkie decided "You know what, I'm sick to death of eating hay all day. Get me some peanuts, bitch". Do we know what really happened? No. Maybe the caretaker was having a bad day and did something to annoy Winkie? Someone will probably have Winkie's head on a wall by the end of the week. I sympathize with the trainer's family but if elephants were supposed to be in Tennessee, then they would be native to Tennessee. How pissed off would a PA black bear be if we dropped him in the middle of Africa and poked and prodded him all day? And speaking of bears.....read this. This bear is minding his own business in the woods, and takes a nibble of a boy's arm. He knows instantly it's not his normal diet and he lets go and runs away. Later the next day, the camp is cooking ribs and the bear comes back because it's smells cooked flesh! For this, it gets SHOT. First of all, how on earth do they know it's the same bear? It was dark and the kid was in a tent! So, if you go out in the middle of the woods and cook food and attract a bear - shoot it! That will solve everything. Maybe when bear hunting comes into season....you should just shoot a cow in the head...put it over an open flame and wait. Shoot anything that comes to check it out! Listen, I'm from western PA and I have no problems with the NRA. If I had $1,000,000 to give and it had to be the NRA or PETA, there would be a lot of happy hunters out there. Hunting and tracking take skill and precision. I'm not impressed however when someone builds a tree stand right by a path leading to a cornfield. A hungry bear smells meat and goes to it and gets shot. Almost makes me feel bad for the bear. It's also an ironic twist - aren't the Boy Scouts supposed to be about protecting and respecting nature?

The Holy Rolling Far Right Is Bothering Me

I'm utterly frustrated with my political party this week. Yes, I swing to the right on a lot of key issues - at least idealistically. Most of my affiliations with the right are things connected to money, taxes, defense, government size, toughness on crime and punishment..and things like that. However, there are still a few issues that I don't side with the right on, the biggest being abortion. It's not that I would ever choose it, but I buy into the business that we shouldn't be telling people what to do with their bodies. There are Republicans so far to the right that I don't agree with them just like there are some moderate Democrats that I do agree with on some things. It's the far left that I am most out of touch with as I'm not sure I agree with one liberal policy and I don't consider abortion a "liberal" policy per se. I'm not a huge fan of social programs either. Communities can have them if they want, but I don't like federal taxes going to every cause under the sun. I just can't think of one good reason to hold up stem cell research yet Bush's White House is intent on doing just that. I know his opinion is that we have enough lines started already but from what I've read, there aren't enough and his figure is grossly overestimated. Even with Nancy Reagan on board, Bush vetoed the bill. From what I've read, Bush may not even think this is a good idea but he wants to keep his "base" happy. Well, is the religious right his "base"? I know they vote for him, but I also know a ton of young Republican professionals who are not overtly religious who are very much for increasing the availability of embryos for stem cell research. I'm just guessing if we miked up God Almighty he might think it's just fine to do all the stem cell research we can handle. How can the Bible be against something that just started a few years ago? I don't agree much with Bill Maher but he had a great line once...."I'm an equal opportunity killer", meaning he's for abortion and the death penalty while most people on either side of the aisle are only in favor of one or the other. The really disappointing thing about this is that Rick Santorum of my home state felt the need to get his name on a piece of "feel good" legislature that says something asinine like "I'm all for creating new lines of stem cells as long as it's not from discarded embryos". Really? He may as well pass a bill that says "I'm against all sex acts committed against children". It's pointless really except that he's positioning himself to run as a moderate by saying he created stem cell legislation. All this from the party that I align myself with because in some respect they do seem to pine for the days of a more moral America. I'm still 90-10 to the right, but after this week it's more like 89-11. I feel like there's no way a Republican can win the next election and that makes me worry that I could wake up one day to President Clinton....again. Where is Rudy when you need him? We can still fight to have the morals of the 1950's even though we have technology from 2000. Wow. That sounds really stupid coming from the guy who likes to put "cock" in movie titles!!

Slanted #22

FiOS Rocks

I just got Verizon FiOS installed today and it is F-A-S-T. Right now I'm clocking 5 times faster than my DSL and in a few weeks when they move to speeds of 10-30-60 instead of 5-15-30, I'll be 10 times faster than DSL and 2 times as fast as cable....all for $29.95 a month. If I was willing to pay a little more I could be 12 times faster than cable but my rep said only businesses seem to be going that route. This is the 2nd time this week Verizon has helped me out. On Tuesday night we were at a swim meet when the worst storm in several years blew through. We had to navigate and redirect a few times on our way home because of all the downed trees. We were an hour away from our house in unfamiliar territory and visibility was nill. I hopped on my new Verizon RAZR phone and started up VZ Navigator and it talked me right back to my house. I fell in love with GPS while on the road for business and couldn't believe what I had been missing. I researched it a bit and instead of opting for yet another gadget, I bought a phone that had the same capabilities. I can now route, plan and navigate from the phone and it is simple to use. One cool feature that I like is being able to see a realtime map of the surrounding area with a moving icon representing me. Cool stuff. That way, if I'm not currently navigating using the gps feature, I can still see where I'm at and all the major highways in relationship to me. My only complaint would be the smallish screen as the one I had in a rental car had a screen the size of a portable dvd player. However, for as often as I'm really going to use it - the screen is fine. Big ups to Verizon (so far) for the new technologies they are offering.

Porn Title Steals, The Sequel

Wow. A lot of good feeback from adding "cock" to movie titles in place of another word. True to my promise, here is the next installment. This is a list of Joel & Ethan Coen movies:

The CockKillers
Intolerable Cock (I worked for this guy for a long time)
The Cock Who Wasn't There
O Cock, Where Art Thou?
The Big Cock
Cocko (How else do you change Fargo?)
The Cocksucker Proxy (Ok, I cheated, but Hudsucker is so easy!)
Cock Fink.....or Barton Cock
Miller's Cock
Raising Cock
Blood Cock

Damn, this is fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun.

Patriotic Country Music

Well, no, I didn't start listening to country music. It's funny that someone like me who can listen to blues, rock, heavy metal, death metal, techno, pop, alternative, new wave, ska, punk, rap, hip hop and jazz - finds most country music not to my liking. If you go back to when I was growing up, I could stand old school country like Waylon Jennings, Johnny Cash and Willie Nelson. I even remember Buck Owens playing a nasty guitar on Hee-Haw along with that fellar who played the banjo...Roy Clark. It's that older stuff that contains elements of the blues that draws me to...well...not hate it. However, with the advent of "New Country" or whatever the hell Garth Brooks brought with him...or whatever they call all these idiots in skin tight muscle shirts that they're passing off as country...it made me not appreciate country just a little more. I want my male country music artists to be someone you'd be afraid to go outside with to discuss a matter. Not some clean shaven pansy who buys $300 shirts from Neiman Marcus. Frankly, these new male country artists fronting as badasses make me laugh, with Toby Keith being the obvious exception. Anyway, you may have seen this piece already on Comedy Central but it's pretty funny. Let me be clear about this - I'm ALL FOR country musicians being patriotic and wrapping themselves in the flag. Anyone who knows me knows my thoughts on the current state of the mideast. And even though I don't buy country artist's music, I'm fine with the patriotic sentiment in alot of their work and I back the ClearChannel (eveil empire) decision to restrict airplay from any artist they choose...they do own the stations. Ooops, I just thought of something...I do own 2 Charlie Daniels LPs. For you younger folks, LPs were these big black vinyl....oh, nevermind. Anyway, even though I'm down with the politics of a lot of country music artists, this clip is funny even though they're making fun of people like Toby Keith. It drags on and on, but the best line comes right around the 50 second mark. You can stop it after 1:00 unless you feel compelled to watch the rest of it. You won't believe how the ficticious singer finishes the line "Eagles are bald, so am I, If you're from Europe.........". I almost pee'd myself.