FAN: Learn Japanese 1-2-3

The following is a translation of the above clip. How did I translate it you ask? Easy, I used Rosetta Stone software. Feel free to correct me if you think I'm wrong. I suggest hitting play and then reading this while you listen.

Japanese Woman (JW): What do you mean the boxed meal was changed from eel to smallish turkey sandwiches cut into tiny triangles with no crust? Out of my way, security scum, I want my eel....right now!

Female Security Guard (FSG) muffled: Ma'am please calm down.

JW: (sobbing, then irate) I want some fucking eel RIGHT FUCKING NOW!!!!

Unseen Male (UM): That bitch is crazy.

JW: (Uncontrollable Crying)

Japanese Woman's Husband (JWH): Jesus Christ, Fran, you just had eel 2 days ago. Is it that big of a deal? You are dishonoring my family name.

JW: I will now lie on my back to show my disapproval. Fuck your family name you limp dick bastard. You never take my side, Hal, NEVER! I want my fucking eel!

Japanese Woman's Father (JWF): That's a girl, honey....come on, get up before you make a scene.

JW: No. No. I am laying back down. I will now make a carpet angel to show my displeasure.

JWF: (pleading now....more agitated)

JW: NO! I will sit here, right here, until they bring me fine fine eel, wrapped in delicate seaweed...right here, I Say! Waaaaaaaaaah.

JWF: (more pleading)

JW: Gwt your hands off me old man. Hey, this carpet is really high quality. I said get YOUR HANDS OFF ME OLD MAN!!!! (starting to relent) I guess the turkey won't be that bad. Will there be mayonaisse? In packets? Individual packets? (slamming hand down) I will EAT your turkey sandwich....with no crust....and in triangular pieces....but ONLY if there's mayonaisse....ONLY if there's mayonaisse....ONLY....Ohhhhhhh (jarbled)