Let me start off by saying that I like 99% of seafood. I eat all kinds of crabs, white fish, saltwater fish, fresh water fish, scallops, shrimp, sushi, sashimi, caviar, calamari....... It's really hard to find a seafood I don't like. Eel, alligator, snapper, oysters, clams, mussels..... One time at an all-you-can-eat sushi bar, I tried something that taste like a rotting corpse and it took several cans of Diet Coke and 4 packs of gum to get the taste out of my mouth. You'd think I'd remember the name of the fish, but I don't. It wasn't bad, it just smelled like fish bait.....tasted the same way. Anyway....I once walked into a fresh seafood place with Chrissy Twocoats in NC and remarked that the tuna looked outstanding....we were going to grill it. The girl behind the counter said it was sushi grade and cut a sliver for me and I devoured it and more on the way back to the beach house. You get my point....it lives in water....I'll usually eat it. However, there is a new nasty smell that I can't seem to get out of my life. I'm trying to catch a skunk (long story) and I hear that the best bait is sardines. I've never had one but I hear they are high in protein and good fats. I had Mrs. Fan pick up a tin at the grocery store. Not whole fishes, but these pieces, like in the picture. As I opened the can she almost passed out. I laughed at her and told her she was being silly, but inside....I was reminded of my one bad sushi experience. I put some of the sardines in the trap and put the rest in a zip lock bag. I washed my hands once....twice...three times....no lemons in the house...I sprayed cologne into them and rubbed them together. Nothing. This smell is the smell of a million dead fish decaying out in the sun. Nay, a million dead fish and a million dead vultures that came to eat the dead fish (but later died due to the smell of the fish). It's worse than any kitty litter experience I've ever had. It's worse than the breath of the new guy at the office whom we've dubbed the "Swirling Tornado of Rot". It's worse than a bucket full of earth worms. It's worse than a Big W dump in the morning. It's bad. It's like when my plecko died in my big tank and he was dead for a few days before I took him out....and he was about 11" long. Pew! Think of the worst thing you ever smelled, and then imagine that chewed up and vomitted back out. Right. That bad. Finally, my wife determined it was me that smelled and it was not the sardine juice that went down the drain followed by 137 gallons of water. She gave me apple cider vinegar to use which worked....until now....and now the smell is back. Who eats this stuff? I need to know. I can pop open a can of tuna and eat the entire thing with a fork in 3 minutes. Sardines? The Great God Almighty put things on this Earth that would give anyone a foodgasm......why the mack truck would anyone eat one of these things? I dare someone to name a worse smelling food in the entire grocery store. What one food will put a stink on you that will last all day when all you did was touch it for 2 minutes (if that). I Double Dog Dare Ya!
I was almost afraid to post this story for fear of what Still A Dog might post in response....but I will not be censored based on the story or wise (cracking) thoughts that will immediately follow this post. Hold onto your hats......Dog?
5 comments:
I'm curious what the plan is once you catch the skunk.
Of skunks and sardines by Still A. Dog
First of all, a very wise man once said, “There’s only two things that smell like fish and one of them is fish.”
As for sardines, I eat them with saltine crackers. Just a nifty little sardine sandwiched between two saltine crackers. My dad ate them that way. And when you’re a little boy you try to be like your dad in every way. So I ate them too. As an adult I don’t go out of my way to buy them, but if they’re being served, I’ll have one with crackers. As with all things that smell like fish, once you get past the smell, they’re delicious!
On catching skunks, my experience has been to catch them in a garbage can rather than a trap. If you got an open trap, how you gonna move the trap far away without either stinking up your car, or getting sprayed while you move the trap?
Now, I admit that the garbage can method is much more time consuming and requires nightly diligence waiting for Mr. Skunk to arrive at your house. But once he’s in there with the lid on, you can take him all the way to New Jersey and it won’t matter.
If you do not like sardines, try raw hamburger as bait. Skunks love hamburger too.
the trap i bought is for medium sized animals...rabbits, skunks, large squirrels. what i read online said that if the trap is under so many inches high....and mine is...that most adult skunks wont be able to raise tail to spray. also...both ends of the rectangle are solid metal. you can approach it from those ends and throw a cover over it. my plan is to place a rubbermaid garbage can at one of those ends...and much like dog says, then go to other end with large stick and push the entire trap into the can. i will put a lid on it and duct tape the lid on to transport. i did this with the possum i caught last night!!! in fact, from what i'm reading about the possum, it may have been HIS urine we've been smelling, not a skunk. skunks also can only spray 6-10 feet. i'm not worried about it. if it gets to be too much trouble, i will bury it alive in the trap and wait a day before getting the body. come get me PETA.
You could bring ol' possum up to my place. The girls have not been real active on the small mammal hunting circuit this year. And the Gator, rest his soul, was never interested much in hunting (too much work for him). But he did like chasing rabbits.
Mattie got a mole and Whisper got a ground hog and a rabbit is all. They've racked up a number of possums over the years but none so far this year.
If you catch the skunk, you can keep him. If we want something that stinky we'll open a can of sardines.
oh for goodness sakes!
get a gun and shoot the skunk!
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