I don't know about you, but my needs are pretty simple in the shower. Soap. Washcloth. Shampoo. Done. Conditioner is nice, but who are we kidding, my hair is about 1/4" long. My wife, on the other hand, is a little different. While she is loyal to no brand or product, our shower holder of accessories is always overflowing with stuff that I usually ignore. Razor. A stone type object. A big pink netting thingy called something like a loofa (phonetic spelling by me). Some body lotions with names like Sweet Pea and Vanilla Cinnamon. Other hair type products....who the hell knows. All kinds of stuff. God bless her. Whatever she wants to use in the shower is fine with me. Well, after a particular dirty day for me yesterday of running a 10k loop before 8 AM then digging out several square yards of earth in front of my patio to mulch and border while spray painting various objects in my back yard and grilling chicken on the bone.....I needed a nice relaxing shower. Hmmmm, what's this? Morning Burst Facial Scrub. It's in a nice bright orange tube. Kind of cool. Ooooooooh, it has bursting cleaning beads. Damn. This is some serious shit. I need bursting beads today! What a coincidence. Makes you feel awake and tingly. Sweet, bring it on. I don't know how much you are supposed to use but I filled up the cup of my hands and got to rubbing it in.......right into my eye. Those bursting beads that will make your face tingle and feel alive? Yeah, those. Well, they'll make your eyes feel like somebody held you down and duct-taped your eyelids open while pouring liquefied onions directly onto your pupils. About the fanciest thing I should use is a soap not named Dial. Stop right there. It burned so bad I picked up the stone thing and bashed it off my forehead so I'd forget about the burning. I couldn't scream either or ask for help, lest I risk being humiliated by my wife in public some night...."hey babe, tell them what you did in the shower the other night. No! Not that, the eye thing! ...........sicko".
3 comments:
That is funny. Our shower is the same - it is actually starting to annoy me with all the stuff I have in there so you know it is pretty bad.
Thanks for the story - you metrosexual.
A loofa is a type of natural sponge and is very rough. The pink thing sounds more like a mesh bath sponge - don't knock it! I get way more lather from one of those than I ever did from a wash cloth.
This your way of knowing your wife hasn't left you for the hot tub boy like Hulk Hogan's wife did. One day Hulk woke up, went into the shower, and there wasn't a Gad Dang thing in there except a bar of Ivory soap. That's when he called OJ for knife sharpening advice... then he thought better of it and took the "high road."
Post a Comment