Pat Robertson continued his hate tirade this morning. After learning of Haiti's 6.1 Wednesday morning aftershock, Robertson was quick to study the latest media trends and came away from it with a new revelation. "Shakira Caused This!" Robertson has declared.
Robertson's sleuthing methods have been uncovered. He dove headfirst into the world of social media to see who has been helping the Satan saved Haitians. After absorbing the information Pat decided that Shakira appearing on Oprah and pleading for help was the swizzle stick that stirred this particular drink. Let me repeat, it had nothing to do with yours truly wanting the hottest picture to post here. This was the work of Pat Robertson.
Robertson equated Shakira's hips with Beezlebub and admitted that he himself has been in a Shakira induced "hip trance" which he saw "on the YouTube". The trick uncovered was that Shakira helped send aid to the area and then unleashed yet another earth quake while the aid workers were there. He likened the plot to 9/11 where the first plane striking the towers brought the crowds in to see the second one happen live.
"Shakira needs to be stopped. It's that simple" said Robertson. Asked what you can do to help, he continued "Bring her to me. I can help her. It would be good if you could restrain her first." Asked how he can help Pat explained how he could give her a religious experience that would change her ways and make her act and dress more like "a lady" instead of "the damned devil". He explained his methods further - "it's a three step process, first the prayers, then what they call chloroform and if she still resists, the Holy roofies will be administered." Roberts claims a night alone with him will make the devil hips jump right out of her.
We can only hope.
2 comments:
Carpetbaggery, who posts comments on here from time to time has an excellent article on Haiti on his blog which we link to on the right. Please check it out.
The only thing he leaves out is that Haiti, after winning freedom and independence from the French was ill equipped and poorly educated for governing themselves. Consequently greed among the governing class of Haitians pretty much killed whatever chance they had at a decent society by Western standards.
As for this idiot Pat Robertson, he needs to watch his ass. He may ridicule Voodoo, but that shit is real. They can turn you into a zombie and I ain't joking. You think Gooba Dust and High John the Conqueror root is some fictional stuff they sing about in blues songs? No sir, the use of that stuff goes way back and it continues today.
Pat also quoted this verse:
"Your two breasts are like two fawns, like twin fawns of a gazelle that browse among the lilies....All beautiful you are, my darling; there is no flaw in you....You are a garden locked up, my sister." Song of Solomon 4:5, 7, 12
Then he giggled and left.
My question is: Then why are the New Jersey Devils so damn good? Shouldn't Newark be shaking about now? And if the Penguins trade with them, is that making a deal with the devil?
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