RIP Harvey Korman

Wow. A true comedy legend. I couldn't tell you how hard Still A Dad and I laughed at those old Carol Burnett shows. More funny than the originals were the "Blooper" specials. The Carol Burnett show was on the cutting edge of that wave for sure. There was nothing like watching Conway and Korman flubbing their lines together or making each other laugh. I used to watch reruns of The Carol Burnett Show after school when I was in Jr. High. I clearly remember watching it after I got off the bus, before dinner and homework. I only remember Korman from that show, Mama's Family, Herbie The Love Bug and a few other movies. Check out his IMDB page and Wikipedia entry. I watched some stuff of his on YouTube before bouncing here. They have all the classic skits and a great Muppets appearance. Harvey is one of those dudes that's been old since I remember him. I'm wondering who is in their 50's now that my daughter will continue to follow and someday mourn when she's near 40? She knows Tim Allen from plenty of movies. He's a far cry from comedic genius. Jim Carrey is still a little mature for her. Ahhhhh, Robin Williams. She met him as Genie from Aladdin but now knows him from RV, Night at The Museum, Robots, Happy Feet, Flubber and thanks to me picking it up for her about a year ago....the timeless Mrs. Doubtfire. Done deal. A pretty good comparison indeed.

Oh No Not I = f(x+3)^2

Ok, as a math major, I can find the humor in this. I'm just surprised the author came up with it as he doesn't seem to have that much personality. Makes me want to record my rendition of "I use Google" to the tune of James Blunt's "You're Beautiful". By the way, I'd love to get my hands on the college adviser who told me "you'll be much more marketable as a Math/Comp Sci major than as a Computer Based Systems Management major ". Riiiiiiiiight. Nice call, Clem. Maybe in 1991 when dinosaurs still ruled the world and 50% of all programming jobs were government defense contracts! Had my alma mater had the foresight to see business applications taking off, maybe I wouldn't have been studying Calc IV, Differential Equations & Abstract Algebra into the wee morning hours. Oh well, what's done is done.....I've still never had anyone ask me to find the area of a peanut using the cylindrical shell method. Thirty-three credits of upper level math starting with Calc I. Did it teach me to be a better thinker? Did it teach me to solve problems systematically? Not sure. I think it just confirmed that I have a short attention span and I get frustrated easily! Did somebody say peanuts? Pass those over here. Oh, Doc R, if you happen to be reading this - those 6 credits of Statistical Analysis will always be my favorites of the 33. I love me some stats for breakfast.

How Do You Justify This?

I swear the only reason Bradjolina tries to stick their noses into world politics and helping the poor is because they feel guilty? Why do they feel guilty? Because of things like spending $70 million dollars on an estate. The couple that wants other countries to forgive poor nation's debts could easily pay them off themselves! From the article, they have so many homes it's a wonder they can even remember them all. You want to end poverty and promote wealth distribution? Hmmmmmmmm.

Brand Loyalty

I like me some pickles. I like crisp, cold pickles. I'm a huge fan of Vlasic's. For some items I could care less about what brand they are - for others, I want what I want or I'll cry like a little girl with a skinned knee. Besides Vlasic pickles, don't even try to give me ketchup that isn't Heinz. I'm a Diet Coke freak and can only tolerate Pepsi if it's the only choice and I need a caffeine fix. Other things don't bother me so much.....I'll eat any potato chip I can get my hands on, any mustard, any peanut butter......I mean I have my favorites, but others are acceptable. See? I'm not hard to please...just give me my Vlasic pickles, Heinz ketchup and Diet Coke! Why is this relevant? Before heading off to the pool today we were having some lunch and as I reached for a pickle spear, I didn't recognize the jar. I spun it around to see which inferior pickle I would be ingesting.....Mt. Olive. It put a smile on my face that made me forget about not having the best pickles money can buy. Johnny Carson's Carnac character once put a folded piece of paper to his head and said "What Yul Brenner's wife does." He opened it and read "Mount Baldy". The next time I heard "Mt. Olive" after hearing that joke I killed by making a Popeye reference......thanks to Mr. Carson. I was reminded of that joke today for the first time in years. There you go class, your lesson for the day - the next time you are with a group of people and somebody refers to Mt. Olive, you can shrivel up your nose and say "Mount Olive, isn't that what Popeye does?". Hopefully you won't hear crickets chirping as you wait for the payoff.

Sickening Update To Tylski Story

Here's the heartwarming (NOT!) story that contains more details around this post I made last year. I'm embarrassed the ass clown was ever fortunate enough to wear the black and gold. Bending little fingers back until they pop and crack? Pulled her leg out of it's socket? What in the mother hubbard is wrong with people? I should have a tag called 'What's Wrong With People" because it seems like more and more of these stories come out all the time. For God's sake the man played a number of years in the NFL and probably made a ton of money even though he was a no talent scrub journeyman. Wouldn't it be nice if he regularly Google's himself to read his own press clippings? Just think what's being written about him today. Even the little girl's biological mother took part in this. Anger management class? Are you shitting me? Let me tell you something, if I walked up to a total stranger who was a lot smaller than me and I wrestled them to their back and then bent one leg up over their head.....um...wow...hey.......could the stranger be Kate Hudson....wait, no....I was being serious.....if I bent their leg over their head until it popped, I'm pretty sure I would be arrested for assault. Anger management classes, parenting classes and they have to put 12K aside for college. Great. Super. Cool Frickin' Beans. 12K. She'll spend more than that in therapy when she's older. I think in cases like this the judge should get bitch slapped as well. It would be bad enough if the Dad was a little pipsqueak but he's an ex-NFL lineman. That poor, poor little girl. I hope he rots in Hell, with his wife right beside him.

Wanted: Tree Elf

Ummmm, well, if Microsoft won't hire you, Keebler might? There are some things in this world you just can't s'plain. This is one of them. Love your kids, parents - cause if you don't - they run the risk of getting into some freaky shit. I remember when the rebels just puffed on a few cigarettes. Am I getting old that this bothers me? I mean I've seen photos of the idiots who put beads under their skin and stuff, but this is taking attention seeking behavior to a whole new level. My daughter and I play a game at the mall - when we walk past some teenagers - I ask her "appropriate or inappropriate?" and she understands it to be about how they're dressed. She usually gets it right on the money. You want to stand out? Change your hair - you can always reverse that. Dress like Cyndi Lauper for a week (sorry youngsters, look her up). Elf ears? Elf EARS? I done think she's seen LOR a few too many times. Or not. How on Earth is she ever going to be taken seriously at a job interview? I can see the guy interviewing her for a "normal" type job......"Well, Kimberly, your resume sure seems to be in order....great grades across the board in school, I see you've worked fast food and established a work history with references....you seem bright.......you seem to have a pair of them elf ears though.......".

Gen-X Cartoons II

Did anybody mention Clue Club? Damn, I love me some Woofer and Whimper. It was full of comedic goodness. Things like Whimper saying to Woofer as he was riding on his back through tall grass..."Hey Woofer.....watch out for that...{THUD!}....tree". Oh, F Off, I was 10 when it was on. It seems like a lot of the ones I liked were only on for one season. I'm going in search of a Whimper T-Shirt.

The Idol Bounce

Have we ever debated the value of American Idol here? Ok, Ok, I'm joking. God knows Still A Dog hates it and everything it stands for....and I respect his opinion as one of the most if not the most intense and knowledgeable music fans I know. Some other whack packers always watch (Still A's While, Jet, Sis). Still A Cowbell - not sure where he stands but he's a musician at heart and our two circles in the music Venn Diagram overlap a lot. While respecting everyone's opinion, I thought I'd take a second to address a point that none of us has ever made here. Like I've said before, American Idol is a superb chance for me to bond with my daughter as she simply adores the show. We talk about music while watching it and why we like or dislike a performance. She can definitely tell you like Randy when somebody goes off key and gets "pitchy". She's also pretty damn good at determining the genre of a song for an almost nine year old. To get back to the point I wanted to make - if you are a fan of music in general - there's almost no denying that the show opens up volumes of music to those who have never heard it before. As ZZ Top finished up playing with David Cook last night, I looked at my wife and said "Sharp Dressed Man" will be on iTunes Top 100 downloads tomorrow. My daughter was asking questions about their beards and thought they were funny and cool. I told her we'd listen to some more ZZ Top this weekend as thanks to the Dog, I have about 80 ZZ Top tracks on my iPod. Everyone my age has Eliminator somewhere. If you don't, what cave did you live in? Well, I just checked iTunes and just as predicted "Sharp Dressed Man" is number 62. That's really incredible when you think about it. ZZ Top's main demographic (shit, their top 3 or 4 demographics) probably were not tuned into the show last night - that's a safe bet. Also, their main demographic already owns the song. So, last night's performance, where they didn't even sing (Cook did the singing) sparked enough buzz for people to go pay for their song. I browsed the Top 100 quickly and I saw that Bryan Adams got a bounce for "Summer of '69" as it was #77. Think of all the young kids who never heard "Imagine" before and bought it (albeit the Archie version) at #17. That might be the first taste of The Beatles for an entire generation. Same thing for "Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me" at #9. While a newer song (not really, I'm just getting old) "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" done by Cook is #3. As little kids are weened off of The Wiggles and graduate to Hannah Montana and The Jonas Brothers, this is really the next logical step (in my opinion) to introduce them to "big people" music. I remember playing The Police's original version of "Every Step You Take" for my Daughter after she liked the rendition by Brook White. She also downloaded White's version of "Here Comes The Sun" and loves it. Are these versions better than the originals? Not usually, however I like some of the covers very much. David Cook's version of "Hello" rocks. There are undeniable problems with the show. Too often it runs too long. You are supposed to be left wanting more. I don't need any one show more than 60 minutes and the kickoff shows could be reduced to 30. They should learn something from ABC cramming Who Wants To Be A Millionaire down everyone's throat four nights a week. I can't make up my mind about Paula. She is so annoying when she speaks, yet it's also very entertaining. She can't sit down anymore. Sit down, Paula, you're driving me nuts! I will keep watching as long as my daughter is interested and it continues to be one of the few shows my entire family watches together. Last word.....please, please if there is a God in Heaven, please stop the group numbers. I don't care if you replace them with a blank screen, just stop it.

ZZ Top

Wow. It was good to see ZZ Top live. I haven't seen any of them since I saw Billy join Kid Rock on another special several years ago. They were tight....and looking a little old. Cook's voice fit that song to perfection and I'm glad the boys let him sing it, although I think they should have traded verses. My thoughts on tonight's show - the Jimmy Kimmel thing was as unfunny tonight as it was funny for Idol Gives Back. He bombed. What's with Amanda? Look happy much? Crazy bitch. I didn't miss her not one little bit. Not even a little. Didn't miss Hernandez either. I've known scores of dudes like him...and didn't like any of them either. What a freakin' poser he is. Brook White is cool.....singing folk acoustic with Mr. Nash. Well played. I'm glad Archuleta Sr. is going home with a loss. Ass Hat. How do you get thrown out of an American Idol broadcast and a Star Search Episode? Stage Dad Much? George Michaels is starting to look a little bit creepy. I remember when his voice was a powerhouse and he was tagged as the only star who could sing several of the Queen songs for the concert at Wembley. These huge sunglasses just make everyone look like hornets. Mad hornets. Mad creepy hornets that pay for gay sex in bathroom stalls. Still, the worst part of any show continues to be the lame group numbers. They really need to stop doing that. Anyway, I hope DC decides to put Hello on his first CD. Carrie Underwood...wow....just ....wow. I might have to take my princess to one of her concerts. The Jack Black, Ben Stiller piece was good. True comedians making people laugh without even talking. I had no idea that was Robert Downey Jr until Ryan said it was. I guess I didn't recognize him without the crack pipe hanging from his lips.

Slanted Simon Says For The Last Time

Cook. Cook. Cook. I have no idea what the judges were seeing tonight. I guess it's just my taste in music and I can understand that the little guy is a decent enough singer - but I'd never pay a nickel to hear him sing. Never. At this point I think they are going for diversity. They've never had a squeaky clean young male winner. Clay Aiken was not squeaky clean.....but he was made to squeak on occassion. Anyhooooo, in totality for the competition, I pick David Cook. Like I've been saying since I started talking about it many moons ago - he was my early favorite just from hearing his original audition doing the Bon Jovi song. I just dig his voice, plain and simple....and I'd take his version of that song over the original any day of the week.

Shut Your Pie Hole

Note to Barack Obama: If your wife is dumb enough to say something like “For the first time in my adult lifetime, I am really proud of my country” during a speech.....a public speech, you can't get all pissy pants if the Republicans want to use it in an ad. Like EASports says - If she's in the game, she's in the game. If she isn't out front giving speeches, then the press has nothing to go after. You can't drag her out there to talk and then call those wishing for her to explain her comments "slimy" and "low". I believe it was the great Tammy Wynette who said "If they're hungry too, they can't have their cake". (crickets) It wasn't? .......Oh. Well, he can't have it both ways. The second she goes out there to stump for him, she's able to be critiqued in my opinion. Stump. What a weird word to use like that. He's out stumping for his candidate. What on Earth is the origin of that? I have a feeling it's not because most politicians are "dumb as a stump". Al Gore was accused of being a little wooden (by the same folks saying OJ was a little guilty) but "stump" was being used way before Al. Maybe it's because when you pose a question that can't be answered - you "stumped" somebody...or "tricked" them....and when politicians deliver their stump speeches...they're "tricking" you. Is there wordepedia yet? Let me check wiki real fast, I'm getting tired. Well, I see that one meaning is what remains of a limb after an amputation. Nice. Stump speech is defined as such by Wikipedia: A political stump speech is a standard speech used by a politician running for office. The term derives from the custom in 19th century America for political candidates campaigning from town to town to stand upon a sawed off tree stump to deliver a standard speech. There you have it - I started to rag on Obama and ended strong with word origin of the day. Go in peace, serve seafood.

Gen X Cartoons

You want cartoons? You can't handle cartoons! Ok, as requested by Still A Cowbell, let's take that walk over the next few days. One of my favorites was Speed Buggy, introduced in 1973. I always thought it was on forever, but from reading the wiki article, it started in 1973 with 16 episodes and was then syndicated for the next 10 years. I watched it all the time, but like others here have said - only on Saturday mornings. I just found out that Mel Blanc voiced Speed. Also from reading the wiki, it was apparent to everyone, even as little kids that it was a rip-off of Scooby-Doo. Same channel, same production company - they even shared the spotlight a few times. I can just see the pitch meeting...."Ok, the stoner, mutt, dyke, babe and flamer are doing well, now let's do Scooby-Doo and replace the mutt with a talking car!" "Boss, you're a genius!!!" The very first time I heard the Dow Bubbles as they talked while swirling down the drain - I swore it was the voice of Speed Buggy. Maybe I'll go look that up. This isn't store bought, but I bet it would bring back memories.

Doo Be, Doo Be Doo

Being A Kid in the 70's

So I had a little time to kill after watching the Pittsburgh Penguins completely dismantle the Philadelphia Flyers this afternoon. I flipped through the online guide and saw that Scooby-Doo was on. I haven't watched an episode of one of my childhood favorites in a long time so I switched it over to check it out. Sadly, it wasn't a classic episode - it had Scooby-Dumb in it. I wonder if Jump The Shark listed Scooby-Dumb as the beginning of the end for the Scooby Crew? It got even worse when they added that little Puppy Power dude. He was annoying as shit. In retrospect, wasn't it pretty weird that Fred was never Mac'n on any other chics and never made a move on Dafney? He did wear a scarf, though. i thought of something else while watching this episode - what are kids today afraid of? I have an eight year old and I don't know. The episode involved The Bermuda Triangle. I remember as a kid being fascinated by a few mysterious things like the triangle, Bigfoot, The Loch Ness Monster....Jimmy Carter.....and a few other things that always seemed to be in the news or the subject of TV shows. I also remember worrying for some time that my Dad might get drafted to fight Russia, but Mr. Reagan saw to it that that would never happen. I remember shows like The Brady Bunch and some other cartoons and sitcoms going to Ghost Towns. I'd bet $100 that my bunky pants doesn't even know what a Ghost Town is. I watched a ton of movies that had to do with Headhunters and Army Ants as well. Even Gilligan's Island had a Headhunter! All of these items mentioned were topics of conversation between my friends and I. I really don't think there is anything out there today like what my friends and I discussed. Was it just because I was a boy? I'm going to go ask her right now what she's afraid of. Be right back........ Just as I thought, she looked at me like I was nuts. Was it the time? Was it just me and my friends? I remember seeing movies and stuff about dudes going over Niagara Falls in barrels and I remember we talked about that an awful lot too. Hrumph. Oh well, it must be nice to go to bed with thoughts of nothing but Miley Cyrus, pizza and Webkinz.

Pittsburgh Sports Tribute

This rocks. Thanks Still A South.

Death Penalty

This case is open and closed in my book. The story is horrible no matter the age. Parents should break down and cry if their daughter ends up a hooker, not train her to be one. I can't understand the Mom at all. Perfect strangers having their way with your little girl. Maybe the Mom should be locked in a room with a bunch of big, fat, hairy back, non ass wiping, tooth decaying men who can do anything they want to her for a few years. Huh? Oh, you're right. I'm guessing Bill Belichick doesn't want to put his team in the spotlight any more this off season.

What Kind Of World

Remember when teenagers used to borrow cars and go for "joy rides"? A thrill kill? It's things like this that make you want to wrap your kid up in bubblewrap and keep them in the house. Seems totally random. What's wrong with people?

Spygate Joke

Spygate as they call it is going to end like it started, like a joke to the commissioner's office. It's been about 4 months since the story broke on Mr. Walsh maybe having a tape of the SB walk through. He's now going to meet and has a handful of tapes, none including the infamous walk through. As all the writers say - it's over. WHAT?! Are you kidding me? They could have raided his house the day after that story and if a tape didn't show up I would still be suspicious. The NFL just wants this story to go away. That's the only way they win. They take a HUGE hit if that tape is ever produced. I'm not claiming it does - how would I know - but JFC - they waited forever to make a deal to get this guy in. Who knows who else he was in contact with. Kraft could have funneled money or benefits to him in any number of ways. This thing stinks, the whole thing stinks. How on Earth can Belimort be trusted? He's a rat. His career is one Tom Brady hit away from being over. As I like to say, he wasn't much of a genius in Cleveland and he wasn't much of a genius with Drew Bledsoe. Tom Brady is probably tired of Bills heels digging into his outer thighs as he rides on his back. Yeah, I said it.

Good Read On Tomlin

Great little section on Mike Tomlin today in Peter King's MMQB. It's about time he writes something worth reading for Steelers fans. What the heck kind of job was paying $70k right out of school 13 years ago? I wasn't making that kind of cheddar in 1995 and I was out of school for 4 years. I understand it was William & Mary but geez....$70k in '95 right out the door? Is somebody's memory wrong or am I stuck on only considering IT pay scales? I would think $70k out the door today is still a lot of money, let alone 13 years ago.

UPromise To Kill Me

So, my old tube tv had a good life. It was eleven years old. I've been dreaming of LCD or plasma since they came out. I don't like to buy things when I don't really need them so I sat on this one purchase for a long time. When the screen sizes jumped into the low 40's a few years ago I got an itch. I waited, prices would drop as they continued to get bigger. I did my research. I didn't want a fly by night Korean tv from Costco. From what I could tell, Sony and Samsung were neck and neck in consumer and tech reviews. When George W Bush decided to put a little jingle in my pocket to help the economy, I decided it was time. The 120 mhz refresh rate had been out long enough to come down a little in price. It has enough HDMI ports to support everything in the future. The time was now. I went to every stinking site that sells these bad boys and as it turned out, Circuit City actually had the best price which shocked me to my core. They beat out newegg.com which is where I guessed I'd be buying it from. They had a $400 off sale and then offered a 10% online order only coupon code. 10% off on something that big is HUGE. Free shipping within 3 days. I had a chart and checked no less than 8 places (that I trusted) for pricing. You can always find a link for "Lee's Electronics" or something on Froogle with a price that makes no sense, but you just know even though it's not advertised that it's for a refurbished puppy. I pulled the trigger and sat back and sighed. "Oh Crap F Me!" was the next thought I had. We belong to Upromise. If you don't know what that is, you sign up with your credit cards and grocery store cards, then when you make purchases of certain items - they deposit 1-5% of the total into your account which you use for your kid's college tuition. They even have an option online to link your account to your active 529 account so you don't even have to transfer the money. They do it for you. Neat idea and we've belonged since princess was born. Most of our money comes from grocery purchases (like Coke) but sometimes, when I remember, we get a huge score from online shopping. I do a ton of shopping online and every time I buy something, Mrs. Fan says "did you go through Upromise?" and I sheepishly say "No". You have to go to their site and sign in and then go to your online site through theirs if supported (I found out yesterday they now have a browser plug-in). I forgot when we bought 6 bar stools from Overstock.com. I forgot on the new camcorder. Heck, if I bought it online, let's just assume I forgot. If you forget a 1% donation on a $50 item, so what. I prayed Circuit City wasn't participating and went to their site. Gulp. This week they were doing 3%. Shit! F! Damn! Poop! I went to bed that night without saying anything. I missed a huge......huge........HUGE score. Without waiting for the inevitable question I fessed up. It wasn't pretty. I felt terrible. Then I had a thought that was actually confirmed. I went back to UPromise and went to Circuit City through their site. Went to the LCDs and went after the Sony Bravia XBR4......the ad was the same....with one exception. No 10% off online coupon code. Whew! It worked out for me this time as getting 10% off the price was WAY better than paying full price and then getting 3% put into a 529 fund. Way better. Way. I couldn't wait to tell Mrs. Fan I didn't bone up this time....well, I kind of did, I just got lucky. I also found out why their FAQ states that if you forget, don't even email - it ain't gonna happen. The online dealers know where you came from and they know to take certain offers off the table if they know they are also going to dish out to UPromise. Now I'll start comparing both to make sure I'm getting the best deal any time I do remember to use it.

Stern Winner Forced To Resign

The Howard Stern show recently had a $5,000 contest for "Hottest Wife, Ugliest Husband". The winner just happened to be a 2nd grade teacher. While on the show, she said nothing controversial and only appeared in a bikini. Not only did she win, she lost her job. The members of the board where she worked hid behind comments like "because of the nature of the show". How much do you want to bet that not one of them listens to the show? Would this teacher be allowed to go to the beach in her bikini after work? Give me a break. Our society cracks me up sometimes. If you are a loyal listener of Howard's, you know that behind the mask, he's one of the most decent people on the planet. He loves his daughters, champions an animal charity, is 100% honest in his opinions and is super monogamous with Beth whom he's been with for (I think) about 8 years. Yes, the show can be raunchy at times and sophomoric, but aren't guys like that when we're hanging out with our real friends? It's art imitating life. It's what the show is about, making the listeners feel like they are hanging out with friends. If you just read certain comments or quotes from the show picked out by someone trying to shock or scare you - they might be able to do it. However, if you read a fair and balanced account of all topics discussed and Howard's true opinions after all the kidding around was over, you'd also be shocked - unless you're a long time listener. I know this much in my heart of hearts and it's the greatest compliment I could give any man: If I had to let my daughter alone with either Howard Stern or a priest that I've never met, I would leave her with Howard and not worry for a millisecond. I bet there are millions of other dads who feel the same exact way. While politicians and public "men of God" are constantly caught in sex scandals in airport bathrooms and infidelity situations.....while celebrities are losing custody of their kids, banging their nannies and going to rehab for God knows what....what is Howard Stern doing? He's eating grilled chicken, running, playing chess and watching "Dancing with the Stars" and "American Idol". Yeah, he's dangerous alright, if you don't listen to him.

Good Lord

So, you're a young principal at a high school. You think the senior girls are flirting with you when they say "Good moooooorning Principal Skretta". Wow. You dream about that one every night (lucky for us she's 18). You know she likes Soulja Boy. Hmmmm. Maybe I could solve the school littering problem and win her over all at the same time. Garsh....she'll think I'm the grooviest older guy ever..........WRONG.

Google Programmer Having Fun?

I kid you not, I just submitted a URL to Google for indexing and they presented me with a "Please retype the squiggly line letters that you see in the box" form. The letters in the box? PROGUN. No kidding. Swear on my cat's life. Well, the one anyway....the other one I don't really care for that much. Are you serious? There is no way that was random. Somebody hacked that code and dropped a few funny ones in. I almost keyed in "YES" instead of retyping it. If that was random - I'll eat the, er, gun in the photo to the right. My brother-in-law sent me an interesting article a while back about how hackers have already beat the squiggly lines and they can identify the characters faster with their software than the human eye. Look for the squiggly line thingies to make like BetaMax.

Slanted SImon Says: Teenage Wasteland

I didn't really enjoy this week. I think in my mind, I know how everything is going to turn out so I don't care as much anymore. It's almost like it's been decided already. Howard Stern had the odds on today and Archuleta is a 6-5 favorite with Cook being a close 3-2. Syesha was 15-1 and you can't count high enough to see what Jason's odds are. Is he retarded? I hate to use the word "retarded", but really, is he retarded? He's in his early 20's and he's already smoked a lot of brain cells away. I think you could say "Jason, I have to tell you something.....your grandmother died in a house fire today" and he'd cough up some smoke and say "Really?........dude I'm going to miss her" and then smile and laugh some more. Tonight everyone seemed to prefer little David to big David but I didn't. I'm not saying his voice wasn't better, but I would never entertain buying a CD of little David's. Not for a second. He's never done a song on the shoe I even own. He is so freaking squeaky clean though that my daughter loves him and I'm glad for that. If only he wasn't probably one out of 1,000,000 in the nice department for young men. I like how DC takes songs like Hungry Like The Wolf and adds his gritty voice to it. He's still my choice but I doubt he can overcome the teeny boppers and moms who will vote for DA. Also, if you want a better version of Cook's Who rendition, go to YouTube and check out Blue Man Group's version with Tracy Bonham doing vocals. Heck, I was being lazy - I linked you. Very cool.

1st Pick "Luck"

I just got done reading that Mendenhall was robbed at gunpoint this past weekend and then he injured his hamstring in his first practice of minicamp. WTF? Timmons did the same thing last year and never recovered. Tomlin thinks this is a two week type of pull, but aren't the coaches always optimistic in the press?

Best Line From Disney

Not sure how I forgot this gem, but my wife reminded me yesterday: As we were walking away from The Tower of Terror on Thursday - a mom was pushing her toddler in a stroller. The little girl was crying and without breaking stride the mother kind of leaned forward and said "I will park this stroller and let someone else take you home". Nice. Now this woman didn't look like a crack whore either. She didn't have smeared lipstick, a haircut from 1984 and she wasn't poorly dressed. She didn't look like a Jerry Springer mom to me....just a normal suburban mom with no parenting skills. They were on display everywhere. God help us all.

Slanted #59

Not The Rooney Way

The Steelers had Booger McFarland in for look this week. Seems a little odd to me since he got cut after failing a physical with the Colts. usually when we sign a free agent - it's a mid-tier player in their prime. I can't recall the last time we entertained a 10 year vet who is a former 1st rounder. I'm not saying he couldn't give us depth at DL, I'm just saying that with him in the #4 spot, it takes snaps away from our next generation. Our DL is old. We need some fresh meat up there, not somebody that's been around for 10 years. I want young, broke and hungry....not rich and "not hungry". I guess our current #4 is Kirtchke and he's about 47 so this wouldn't be that much of a change. One injury on the line like last year and Booger would look decent in the black-n-gold. I'm torn.

Who Allowed This?

What is this, a porn company? Not quite, in fact it's the farthest thing from it. At Disney's Hollywood Studios (the old MGM Park) there is a comedic film crew that just sits in the middle of the road riffing on people all day long. I would be PERFECT for that job, but it appears to be taken. Anyway, the name of their film company is "In The Can". How on Earth did the marketing folks let that one slide through? It reminds me of WDVE's old bit on Dicken's Cider....some people even like it, in the can.

Aerolift

Hey Boys and Girls, here's a fun way to spend the day - be in line with your daughter for Aerosmith's Rockin' Roller Coaster and see over a wall on a ramp flashing lights. On closer inspection, it's a firetruck, police car, ambulance and EMT SUV...all with blinking lights. "What's wrong, daddy?" she said just from seeing the look on my face. "Nothing, are you excited?" I asked trying to change the subject since she couldn't see over the wall. Well, the helicopter landing behind the building blew my cover.....standing on my tip-toes I saw them wheel a gurney towards the flying machine. Egad. Now Lucy had some splainin' to do. I told her it might have nothing to do with the ride and that it probably didn't since we were still moving in line. It could be someone who just felt faint...a bump on the head....who knows....bee sting! Inside, my anxious heart was going about 180 bpm. I couldn't wait to get back to the room to see a headline on CNN like "Healthy 39-year-old Dreams On after riding Aerosmith Coaster". Didn't see anything so I guess nothing serious happened. Still, reading that in the paper and being in line while it's happening and seeing it are two TOTALLY different animals. When I got back I still did a Wikipedia search on Disney "accidents" and it's quite a good read. They actually have a very good record. Think about the number of riders per day on the main attractions. It's not like toddlers drop dead on Winnie The Pooh or anything. We had an excellent day today - we (my little thrill seeker and I, not mommy) rode The Tower of Terror for the first time. What a feeling to have your ass leave your seat for a full 3-4 seconds before finding it again. Some dude screamed "Oh Shit" three rimes during the ride and usually I say something in situations such as those but homeboy made three of me so I made like Paul McCartney and Let It Be. We saw The Muppet show again even though we saw it the last time we were here because we're such big fans. We staked out our territory on the road to see High School Musical and my little princess was plucked out of the crowd to help shake salt-n-pepper maracas to the song in the kitchen from part II. She also went back out to dance to "We're All In This Together" so she got to feel a little like she was in the limelight twice. Sweet. Holy cow, I miss my bed...and one of my two cats. Wanted the second I get home tomorrow late afternoon? A pizza from our local pizzeria. Mars needs women....Disney needs good pizza.

Disney Quest

We checked out Disney Quest last night for the first time. I have to say, we had a blast. We did several virtual reality rides like Aladdin's Magic Carpet and Pirates of the Caribbean where we manned cannons and steered the ship. They had a station where you created a roller coaster and then got in a small capsule that actually played out your roller coaster with corkscrews and loops included. The guy let me watch my wife and daughter's capsule while they rode their coaster. It was amazing to watch the thing spin and rotate. We could see their faces on a monitor. After the ride you could purchase the video of the track synced up with the video of their faces from the ride. When I watched mine it was hilarious because I was wearing a dog tag and it kept flipping down and as we were righted - it would get stuck on my ear! We played an asteroid game where you drove a bumpercar that sucked up asteroids under the car and then you grabbed them inside the car to feed into a cannon....then you shot other cars. You could build a toy from Toy Story with different bodies, heads, arms...etc....and then actually purchase the toy you created from the game kiosk. There are 5 floors with different sections to each floor. We were there for close to 3 hours and I'm not sure we did everything. My daughter came in second out of 12 people on the ride displayed here....a sort of human pinball hockey game and I won a race of 8 NASCAR drivers on the sitdown driver game where all the sitdown games were linked up. There was an "old school" room with the classics and one of my favorites was there - "Tron", but it wasn't working. Tron was in a cleaners on my paper route when I was a youngster and if I made $20 a week I put $18 of it back into Tron. What a hi-low to see it and not be able to play it. Maybe I'll have to seek it out on Ebay and add it to my basement Blasteroids.

Typhoon Lagoon, I'm Blind

Ok, I'm 39, I'm 6 feet and change and I weigh between 185-195 depending on the season and soemtimes I feel weird going shirtless in public. Everyone is usually hesitant when wearing beach attire in public - unless you're Amanda Beard or someone - but I've now decided after looking over the crowd yesterday at Typhoon Lagoon that my slight ice cream overhang should no longer concern me in the least. We belong to a pool in our neighborhood in the summer and I have to say that the difference between the crowd there and at Disney is night and day. I actually lost my appetite yesterday which is very rare. For every beach beauty, there were 50 people that should have been completely covered up. What's weird is that it seemed like the bigger the belly on the men, the smaller the trunks were. There was more cottage cheese on the women than at a Wisconsin convention. Is self pride a thing of the past? I mean what the heck? With all the information out there about health and nutrition, I can't understand for the life of me what's going on inside some people's heads. Here's a newsflash - if you are a man and your stomach measurement is more than 4" greater than your waist size...please do us all a favor and wear big baggy swimming trunks and put the Speedos back in 1975 where they belong. I kid you not, while in the wave pool, my eight year old daughter looked at me and said "some guys should wear bras". She cracks me up and is certainly my daughter. Also, to the woman who was right beside us with the hairy armpits.....it's 2008, shave those things or don't lay with your arms crossed above your head. To me, that's just begging for attention. Also - what's up with these parents who put suntan lotion on their kids and then send them into the water 4 seconds later? Read the label folks.....it don't work that way. No wonder there were 3,127 little kids running around looking like Apache Indians.