I'm Better Than Your Dad

You know, you try to teach your kids that bragging and taunting are not very likable traits, especially in kids 7-12 who you are trying to teach good manners and sportsmanship to. Have you watched this show yet - My Dad Is Better Than Your Dad? My daughter likes it and wanted me to send in a submission to try and get on, but in reality, the show sucks big donkey..er, tail. The producers are egging the kids on to taunt each other. There's no debating it. It's so obvious. The dad's are even in on it. When is the last time you saw a fat, out-of-shape, computer guy wave a pasty finger in someone's face and tell them "I didn't come here to lose - I'll track you down wherever you go to beat you!" (Moe The Dog, please don't include Pimp W in that question, it was rhetorical.) Tonight I was trying to read while it was on and a little girl....a little girl...was annoying the shit out of me. Near the end I was rooting for them to lose and they did, they only won $10k out of $50k possible because the dorkus dad couldn't answer questions about his own daughter like "Who is her favorite this.... or What school award did she recently win......". To get to the final round they have to answer really really hard questions like "If you have 50 quarters, how much money do you have?". Mind you - the questions are for the dads! Yes they are! No, I'm not kidding! What? They also made it multiple choice? Really? And he acted like he wasn't even sure of his answer? If my daughter continues to want to watch this show - it will be another hour that I spend in my office instead of with her, unless maybe I can sneak headphones on. The name of this show should be changed to "This little brat and her puffy pasty know nothing daddy are marginally better than this here little shit with his boring 50 year old dad who is acting cool even though he wasn't cool when he was 22". Would that fit in the little box that I can pull up from my remote to tell me what's on?

Semper Fi, Bitch

Nice. If he would have gone after Jack, he would've ended up with a 3-Iron up his ass. Stupid.

Religious Experience

Friday night, March 28th 2008, 10:30 PM, I had a religious experience. I went on a blues ride with a master. The master. From the day I started to really appreciate The Blues - one name has summed everything up for me for what style I like to listen to - Buddy Guy. From all the clips I've watched on YouTube to the over 100 songs of his I have on my iPod - it is nothing compared to seeing the man live. He literally had the crowd in the palm of his hands for 70 minutes straight. When he was in his falsetto, you could hear a pin drop in a place that had 750 crazy blues fans in it. When he growled and played a lick to the crowd's appreciation the yells and positive feedback were deafening. The man was born to entertain. I could watch him for 7 hours let alone 70 minutes. He had so much material that he wanted to play that he literally would stop songs in the middle only to call up another classic to start. He started to play "Fever" and I don't think he got the response he wanted from the opening chords so he stopped the band and asked the crowd if they wanted to hear it or not. I guess he didn't like that response either because he said "then I bet you'll like this...." and he went into a superb rendition of "Hootchie Cootchie Man". He also paid tribute to some of his favorites by naming them and playing snippets of their material - most notably "Voodoo Chile" by Hendrix along with some Clapton and John Lee Hooker. I can't say enough good things about the concert - especially when he took his signature stroll through the crowd as he played and flirted with the audience. While on his walk he even left the room only to reappear through another door - taking his walking solo to the hallways. Insane. Also making the trip notable for me was hooking up with my childhood, high school, college, post college...friend of a lifetime whom I hadn't seen in over two years. We got all caught up over Grey Goose and Patron....and Hooters, which we could walk to from our hotel. I also got to meet two of the stars from the Berks County Jazz Festival - first, when we came back from our nightcap - Buddy Guy's guitarist Ric Hall was standing outside of a bass workshop talking to a hotel employee. Side note: How weird is it to have a workshop thats going on at 12:30 AM? Anyway - I walked right up to Ric who was super friendly and shook his hand and told him how good I thought he played for the show. He was so nice and very appreciative. I would pay to just watch Ric and Buddy's Damn Right Blues Band as they are super tight. I found this clip of Ric and Buddy online. It's funny as the person who's filming can't find Ric during his solo as he can't believe it's not Buddy playing. Then as we were paying for breakfast this morning, Brian Bromberg was standing in the entrance gettnig ready to go in. We caught the beginning of his set before we went to the Buddy Guy show and he was literally playing 10 feet from where we were sitting. He was up for a Grammy this year against Herbie Hancock who eventually won. He is an outstanding bass player. Very rhythmic. Incredible fingers. Anyway - I also shook his hand and told him I enjoyed his show. Again, he was very friendly and appreciative. As I got my things to go to my car and walked back past the restaurant - he (Bromberg) was at a table eating and unless the rest of his people were at the buffet, he was by himself. How cool would it have been to go back in and chat him up? He was telling a story during his set of a party last week where he was with Hancock. I bet he has some great stories. It's weird to hear him jam like he does because he looks like a 50 year old college physics professor. Anyway - I had a superb time and I'm going to start watching for more blues shows by the legends and take them in while I can.

The PacMaker

Wow. Now here is a match made in heaven. Pacman Jones and Michael Irvin together on Irvin's radio show. Nice. Did you hear they went out after the show? TMZ.com had them followed and this is a snippet of the article that will appear tomorrow.....

"...they left the studio in Pacman's Hummer with 29" wheels and rolling rims. Through the tinted glass we saw Irvin do a line off the dashboard while Pacman guzzled from an open bottle of Chrystal. We followed them to Dina's Den of Debauchery where they got out and stumbled to an ATM machine. Pacman filled up a paper sack with what appeared to be about $11,000 while Irvin stuffed his pockets with roughly $8,000. Michael's cellphone rang out with NWA's Fug The Police as his ringtone. He had a short conversation where we overheard him repeatedly demand a delivery of some sort to the club and also bring his favorite pipe. When questioned, Irvin said it was Domino's and they were bringing pizza and some cheese BITES. We followed them in the club where Pacman already had 13 nude girls grinding up on him in a corner. Irvin took off his shirt and joined in as Kid Rock's Cowboy blasted from the speakers. Another gentlemen seemed to be with them but we couldn't make him out through all the marijuana smoke. He appeared to be older and very ugly with tight skin....almost Montgomery Burns-like in stature wearing a blue suit. As he began to stand up, their personal security guard who looked amazingly like Nate Newton started to growl and mope in our direction so we bolted......"

Gone and Forgotten

Well, he had two good performances and a lot of mediocre onces - and now he's history. I had two of the bottom three and had the third one 6th. I just had a thought - maybe our Stillers should give Chikezie a call to see if he can play offensive line?

Slanted Simon Says - The Full Nine

There were some really good performances tonight. This is when the show starts to get really good in my opinion as the people left can almost smell victory and they start to go for it a little more. These rankings are based solely on tonight's show:

1. David Cook - Continues to tear it up. He truly has a good rock voice and the necessary scream to go with it.
2. Michael Johns - I liked him early on and this is the first time he's shown promise since doing Bohemian Rhapsody and The Doors back in the earlier shows. Queen suits him.
3. Brook - I don't care that she started over, her voice is very distinct and I like it. She feels what she is singing.
4. Syesha - Didn't like the song and I want to like Carly so much more than her but she nailed that song tonight.
5. Carly Smithson - I did hear a few clunker notes mixed in tonight. Still should be in the final mix, maybe winning it all.
6. Kristi Lee Cook - No matter what she does, short of stripping on stage, she can't win - so I'm not sure it even matters what she does week to week. She is likable though.
7. David Archuleta - Wow. He may have peaked too early. That SUCKED. It really goes to show you how much things can change week to week.
8. Parchisi - Like Kristi, his days are numbered.
9. Jason Dreads - Dude, don't bogart that joint.

And that leaves cute little Ramiele on the outside looking in this week. She smacks of one of those marketing girls that a gum company hires to give away their product in a busy urban setting during lunch hours.

Whose Poison Apple, Steve Jobs?

I took my daughter to see Enchanted when it first came out. Yes, I love "kid" movies and I'm a connoisseur. Ok, it's cute, nothing more, nothing less. Disney got good press for some of the original songs which isn't anything new. The Easter Bunny brought the DVD to my house last Sunday and now my daughter likes the music even more, especially the Carrie Underwood song "Ever Ever After". She asked me if we could download the songs tonight on iTunes. Sure. She only wanted four of them. What's $4 to make princess happy? We went downstairs and something I'm starting to see more and more made me mad as Hell....the song she really wanted more than the others was marked "Album Only" meaning you have to buy the entire album to get that particular song......or Do I? You know, I try to do things right. I use iTunes because I don't mind paying $1 a song, I really don't. It's the best engine and best software and I own an iPod so why not use it? I hear the freebies are frequently of poor quality and that some labels even distribute bad files to stop playing halfway into the song and whatnot to discourage freebie sites. I tried to use Kazaa once a long time ago and I had to also run other applications just to get it so I stopped right there. I'm not 20. I have a job. I can pay the buck. Did I buy the entire CD to get the song precious wanted? Nope. Do I currently own the song? Not telling, but I will say that some interesting offshore music blogs exist. For people who are willing to play it straight, the labels and companies that support the labels need to STOP DICKING AROUND with trying to force people to buy the entire CD. Doesn't that go against your very own business model? Sure, the CD is one-third shit songs that were playing in the background and you wouldn't even notice them - that's what makes buying singles key. Dorks. Is it more the label or more Steve Jobs? From the article I just read tonight in Wired magazine, I'm going with Jobs.

Battle At Kruger

I heard people talking about the Battle of Kruger today at work. I'm such a YouTube hound that I was surprised I'd never heard of it. You'd think with all the tails I follow that I'd come across it at some point. Well, here's a link to it. It's a little long at over eight minutes, but I think you have to watch the entire thing to fully appreciate it. Talk about tails to follows, follow some of the links from this and you'll end up seeing some pretty cool attacks. I love big cats and I was rooting for them in this clip. If I had time, I would take the final 2-3 minutes and mix in Michael Jackson's Beat It as that's what I was expecting to come blasting out of my speakers as the mob approached. Cool stuff, check it out.

Easter Egg Pickup

So on my day off last week, Good Friday, we decided to go to the local Egg "Hunt". Well, as you can see, there is no hunting about it. The local business that sponsors it used to have it at their place on their beautiful grounds where you can also tour their work. I think one look at either of these pictures gives you some indication as to why they chose a different location this year - the local community college. At the old place, they did a new "hunt" every 30 minutes and had a lot of different age classes. Not so this year. One "hunt", two "pens". Zero thru six had a pen and seven thru ten had a pen. I don't even want to guess at the number of participants as the pictures don't do that justice at all. After the first photo was taken, so many more people came that they made a human wall between the pens, that's why in the second picture you can only see one half of the melee. The second half is behind that mess. Also, my lens could only get about half the area. The pens were twice as wide as what I'm showing and by the time they were ready to roll, parents had the entire place surrounded 2 rows deep in some places. All the eggs had something in them, but most were Hershey Kisses. So, to summarize, we drove 15 minutes to get there. We got there 30 minutes before it started and it was very cold and windy, we stood in line to "sign in" which equated to them getting our email address (which they can't verify).....all for 75 seconds of utter confusion where I couldn't even find my own daughter to take her picture because she went into the heart of the battlefield. Egg Hunt? This was easier than shooting fish in a barrel.

...And, Uh, The Iraq

Cedric Wilson is such an idiot. I went back and read his apology last night and something jumped out at me like a sore thumb. Check this quote out:

"I just want to apologize to Lindsey, her family, the NFL family and the Pittsburgh Steeler nation. I let them down."

The Pittsburgh Steeler Nation? Wtf? Cedric, it's Steeler Nation. That's it. No "the". No "Picksberg". Steeler Nation. Got it? Good. Now let's use it in a sentence. 'Mmm K? Steeler Nation was out in full force today for the game in Baltimore. Gooooooood. Again. It was a sea of black-n-gold in Canton today as Steeler Nation turned out to welcome Rod Woodson into the Hall Of Fame. Gooooood. Dumbass. Good Riddance.

I Called This One

Steelers Sign Hartwig. Interesting. I like it. I like the price. Not sure if I like the hair. Ben has to be getting tired of learning the nuances of everyone's snap. I forget what Mahan is getting paid. Not sure they'll keep him around for guard duty - we'll see. At least he's a body for camp. Maybe he'll be better at guard, who knows. At least they don't have to draft a center now. Who did we draft the year Mangold came out? I can't remember drafts too well. Was that just last year?

Dan, Dan, He's Our Man

Cedric the Entertainer? How about Cedric the Contender? I'm curious to see who will pick him up after this. Remember people couldn't wait to sign Bam Morris once we dumped him for his troubles in the trunk. I'm sure they put Ced on a short rope after the last incident. It's probably what's helping Silverback keep his job - first offense, still alleged from what I understand. Cedric just rolled into a bar, popped her, and ran (like a girl). What on Earth can be going through his tiny head? I make millions of dollars to barely play ball for the greatest franchise in sports.....I think I'll f*@& it all up by punching my ex-girlfriend in a public place in front of witnesses. It's like the old Sesame Street bit.....DUMB.......ASS..........DUMBASS. I wonder if there is any evidence that male athletes have a higher instance of domestic violence? Steroids? Who knows. The Rooney's have worked a lifetime to give the town and team a clean image. We don't need to be compared to the Bengals. We just don't. Stop it. I'm glad Dan Rooney came out and said something publicly. I don't have the quote in front of me but he said "you can't go around punching women". Word.

Pilot, Doctor...Teacher?

Thinking of a profession where you can have sex with members of the opposite sex less than half your age........become a teacher! Oh....the.....birds and bees and the thing between your knees...la la la la laaaaaaaaa........

It Also Helps You Get Back In The News...

...when you haven't had a relevant record in well over ten years. In other news, the sun will rise and set today.

Pickled Tink

Nice to see Kellie Pickler again. There is something very likable about her. I think she reminds me of where I grew up. Do you think she even got Ryan's joke about "growing in so many ways"? Damn, I'm glad we're done listening to The Beatles and Amanda Le Pew. I've had it with her. For guys that want their women to be able to outdrink them and then kick their ass, she was for them. What was Carly doing in the bottom three? The only thing I can think of is that people assumed she was safe so they voted for other people last night. I have a sneaking suspicion that she won't be in the bottom three next week based on this theory.

Can We Be Done With The Beatles?

I was never really a huge fan anyway. Sure, I appreciate what they did, but I don't own one LP, cassette, cd or mp3 unless you count the Peter Frampton & Bee Gee's ripoff of Sgt. Pepper LP which hasn't been spun since 1985. Two weeks of nothing but their songs is enough for me.....actually, one was. On to the list which is only for last night's performances:

01. David Cook - I guess I'm not the only one who thinks he can be smug at times. I still like his voice though.
02. Carly Smithson - I dug it
03. David Archuleta - A little boring, but good.
04. Syesha - Needs to pick better songs.
05. Brooke - Wouldn't you like to hear her curse?
06. Kristi Lee Cook - Please stop dancing. She looks so uncomfortable when she moves away from the mic.
07. Jason Castro - Meh.
08. Chikezie - The most inconsistent performer. Great one week and "WHAT?" the next.
09. Michael Johns - One of my early favorites. That was bad, dude.
10. Ramiele - I was half sleeping through this....literally.
11. Amanda - who will remain at the bottom of my list until she's voted off.

Advertise C's For More Dating

I'm sure Still A Dog would not object to this being given away on Craigslist for free. Heck, he'll be right over to pick it up. Geez lady, what are you thinking? What better way to open yourself up for some freaking whack job! He emails you posing as a woman, sets a time to pick up the item and then who knows what? Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. Throw the damn thing away or sell it on Ebay where you can ship it out.

Slanted #58

Parenting 101

So we went out for a fun Saturday evening last night. We were going to see Martin Lawrence, Raven and Brenda Song in College Road Trip and we thought we'd grab a little Chinese before the show. We went to a pretty nice Chinese/Japanese place that we've never been to before. It's a little different because it's not your typical strip mall joint. It's a big place with a ton of seating and the chairs are all highbacks. When we walked in there was a big table of guests already eating - they must have had twenty people at their table. Lots of couples and young kids. For whatever reason, the parents thought it was Ok to simply allow their kids to walk around between the tables while they followed a few steps behind. Constantly. It was like you weren't normal at that table unless you allowed your kid to walk around the place. Everyone was yelling as well since the table was huge. Ugh. All I wanted to do was get my sushi on in peace. It seemed like they were a big group that hadn't seen each other in a while. After they were done eating, they decided to hang around so they could annoy everyone else some more. My wife noticed one of the little guys was standing on his highback holding onto the back. Nice. Well, before you knew it, there was a loud smacking sound followed by a wail and gasps. The gasps stopped pretty quickly and the loud conversation continued as the dad walked the screaming kid outside. He couldn't have been 15 months old. To the table, it was like someone dropped a fork. He hit hard. We all looked towards the sound before the crying started. What a bunch of idiots. Oh well. The movie was enjoyable as all three of us like Martin Lawrence. We love the Big Momma series and I (of course) love his filthy stand up material. Funny that the entire movie was about parenting. After the movie we went to the mall where a group of 14-16 year old girls were walking hand-in-hand screaming like they were at a highschool football game. Too bad their parents weren't with them. I gotta tell ya, I was a little sarcastic smartass who loved tweaking people and making people laugh and I don't think I ever once used my outside voice in the mall or any other inside place. You know why? Because I was conditioned not to. Sometimes it's not so bad going to the mall with your kids because there are some valuable lessons to learn.....like "when you're old enough to come here with your friends, I better never....NEVER.....hear of behavior like that from someone who sees you.....and we know a lot of people in our town!". That being said, she learned not to act like that eons ago.

McFadden Must Want McPaid

Looks like the most hated agent in the NFL got his grubby little hands on McFadden. How much money does he think he's worth? How many games has he even started?