"I Said Apple Dippers, Bitch!"

Is my daughter the only child on Earth who eats Apple Dippers at McDonald's? No. I know for a fact many of her friends do. Is this idea just too foreign to the youngsters working at McDonald's? My daughter has never been a french fry person (her parents sure are!). It doesn't matter where we go out to eat - we always see what they have instead of fries for her to get. When McDonald's switched to Apple Dippers about 3-4 years ago, we were very happy. Many a night, we forgo cooking when pressed for time and stop by our local golden arches. When they first started offering the apples, we ordered them all the time.....only to get home and find fries in the bag. Sure, blame me for not looking in the bags before leaving, but should I have to? Joe Pesci's character in Lethal Weapon II hit it on the head. After it happened about the 5th time, I picked up the phone and called them and I remember being pretty sarcastic when I asked them how they filled orders without looking at the slips. They offered me coupons, but I didn't want to give my name and address for fear of waking up one morning to a yard full of apple dippers. We slowly noticed it wasn't just our store, it was all stores. Any time you go through a drive thru, you have to look. Tonight was our first free Thursday since swim league started and it was close to 100 degrees here today. We agreed to meet at the pool after work and camp invention. I volunteered to pick up dinner on the way home. As I pulled away from the drive thru, 20 feet past the window, I remembered that I didn't check for fries. I opened the bag.....freaking fries.....when I clearly ordered the apples. I took a deep breath and tried to keep Michael Douglas' character from Falling Down squashed deep down inside of me. I could feel the hot grease of cooking fries boiling inside of me. Was there a car behind me? No. I threw it in reverse and backed up. I sat for a few seconds in silence watching the young girls inside talking and laughing through the porthole. Then an impulse took over and I blared the horn for a good solid 5 seconds. When the girl opened the window I was half afraid of what I might say. Another impulse was telling me to hurl the fries at her Buffy head while screaming "I Said Apple Dippers, Bitch!" (and by bitch I wasn't using a female slur, I was using it more in the...oh whatever...take it how you want you). I then realized I had already been in trouble with the law for hurling food objects at a female in my past and I didn't need to be in the local paper under "Angry Fry Foe Drapes Drive Through Diva in Fresh Fries". NAh. I gathered up my most pleasant voice and said "Excuse me, I ordered the apple dippers?" like it was my fault. Without saying a word to me, she handed me the apples. "And the caramel....for dipping?". Now I sensed she was about to throw the caramel at me. How dare I? She gave me the quarter ounce of gooey goodness and put her hand out "I'll take the fries for you". Time stood still. I checked the rearview mirror. Empty. I looked around slowly...nobody watching. I put my hand in the bag as if to grab them for her (yeah, as if). I came out with one piping hot salty golden yellow fry. As I folded it into my mouth, I smiled a little and pulled out as my window crawled to it's resting place. Here's 18 french fries that won't be getting thrown away tonight, Princess. Ha ha ha. HA ha ha. BWA HA Ha ha ha.