DOG: Fan Etiquette

Last week at Heinz Field Fan and I took up one of our favorite pastimes, people-watching. And our focus was what people wear to football games. We silently observed that most folks were wearing football jerseys. An alarming number of them wearing Viking jerseys too. No matter that half of them were Brad Johnson and even Ahmad Rashad jerseys. Too many opponents let through the gates for my liking.

As for the Stiller fans, my observation was that even though Keyaron Fox and LaMarr Woodley made the key plays in that game, very few Woodley jerseys and absolutely no Fox jerseys were seen. Yet we had people in Dan Kreider jerseys, Joey Porter jerseys, Alan Faneca jerseys, even a Jason Gildon jersey. Those dudes don't even play for us anymore!!

Now Fan's got on his authentic Polamalu #43 jersey and I've got on my #76 Big Daddy Lipscomb 75th Anniversary throwback. So by all means, we were cool. But many fans were far far from cool. So we thought about what really is proper attire for attending a Steeler football game?

So here are some guidelines for dressing for a Stiller game:

1. Always wear black and gold. It doesn't matter if you've got a white away jersey or a black home jersey, wear either if you've got it. If you choose not to wear a jersey or don't have one, wear a Pittsburgh Steeler shirt of some sort.
2. If you want to wear some crazy shit, that's OK just don't go overboard. You get too crazy you're just going to look like a Raven fan. So we got to draw the line somewhere. I draw the line just after wearing nacho libre wrestling masks which is OK. Facepainting on the other hand is not. A fair amount of people still do it but even gay people find that, well, gay. Look at it this way, even though today is Halloween, a Steeler game is not a Halloween party. It's a football game. Leave the costumes at home. You ain't gonna scare anybody dressing like a Raider fan. Just ask a Raider fan.
3. A big no-no is that too many people wear the jerseys of players who AREN"T EVEN STEELERS!! Holy shit man, Tommy Maddox served his purpose here and got a Super Bowl ring. But wearing his jersey to the game now is just stupid! Buy a new one. The exception to this is if you're wearing the jersey of a Steeler who is a Hall of Famer or member of the 75th Anniversary team. Terry Bradshaw's #12, Jack Lambert's #58, Joe Greene's #75, Mike Webster's #52, Greg Lloyd's #95, Swann's #88 or Stallworth's #82 etc. are all cool. But don't be coming around with a #14 O'Donnell jersey.
4. Another thing we noticed which is not cool at the game is all these folks who have taken to wearing either a Pro-Bowl jersey, or the college jersey of their favorite player. Dude, the Willie Parker jersey is fine but it's his Pro-Bowl jersey and that ain't black and gold (See rule #1). Take that mother off! You want to look like a wayward Patriot fan on TV?? Same thing with the Big Ben Miami jerseys and the Polamalu USC jerseys. They ain't black and gold and should not be worn to the game! You want to buy these jerseys, fine. You want to wear them when your buddies come over the house to watch the game with you, fine. Don't wear them to the game. Get yourself a nice picture frame and hang them on display in your den.
5. Don't wear a jersey signed by a player to the game. At the point it was signed it became a museum piece and should not be treated the same as game day attire.
6. If you're at an away game, always "rock the colors." Never fear an assault by opposing fans. There are always plenty of Steeler fans who have your back. Trust me on this, I've been to Baltimore!
7. Those pink "girl jerseys" are fine, but wear them in your dorm room not at Heinz Field. Lot's of Hines Ward fans are violators of this rule.
8. Last but not least, always bring your Terrible Towel.
   

At last week's game with the clock winding down and Bret Favre driving the Vikings well into FG range which, at the very least, would have sent the game into overtime, I summoned the power of the Terrible Towel. With Fan as my witness, I shook my Terrible Towel at the sky and I said, "Myron, if you're listening, and I know you are, we need a little help. If there's really any power in this towel we need you to make something happen." On the very next play the ball clanked off Chester Taylor's hands and Keyaron Fox was on his way to an 82 yard interception return for a TD. DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF THE TERRIBLE TOWEL!!!