People have come to the understanding now that Big Ben Roethlisberger will throw an interception in the red zone (if not the end zone) in practically every game. It is to be expected. It is to be planned for. It will most always come at the most inopportune moment… not that there is ever a good moment for such a thing.
Ben will play 99% of the game flawlessly. He’ll escape sacks like Houdini to extend and make plays. But he’s guaranteed to throw that one pick that will prove to be costly in the final score. This results in either potential points that were never realized, or points for the opponent, or both. It’s exactly that kind of play that cost the Cardinals the Super Bowl when Silverback picked off Warner and took it 100 yards the other way. And it’s this kind of play that contributes to the Stillers miserable season when it happens continually, week after week.
To explain why this happens I offer “The Robert Johnson Theory.”
As you may or may not know, young Robert Johnson aspired to be a blues guitarist and singer. But by all accounts, the young man couldn’t play for shit. Only knew a few basic chords. So one Mississippi night he went out to a certain “Crossroads” and, as the legend goes, made a deal with the devil. The deal went that the devil would guarantee Johnson fame and fortune as a musician in exchange for his eternal soul.
As the story goes Johnson disappeared into Arkansas for, according to varying accounts, from a month to six weeks. He returned to Mississippi and could suddenly play his guitar better than anybody around. Johnson indeed became a huge star in the ensuing years. Until the devil decided it was time to collect on his end of the deal and Johnson was given poison whiskey. He died a horrible torturous 2 day death. So how does this apply to Big Ben you ask?
Before that final drive in last year’s Super Bowl the Devil whispered into Ben's ear, "You want to throw that winning TD pass don't you? I can make that happen for you."
Ben will play 99% of the game flawlessly. He’ll escape sacks like Houdini to extend and make plays. But he’s guaranteed to throw that one pick that will prove to be costly in the final score. This results in either potential points that were never realized, or points for the opponent, or both. It’s exactly that kind of play that cost the Cardinals the Super Bowl when Silverback picked off Warner and took it 100 yards the other way. And it’s this kind of play that contributes to the Stillers miserable season when it happens continually, week after week.
To explain why this happens I offer “The Robert Johnson Theory.”
As you may or may not know, young Robert Johnson aspired to be a blues guitarist and singer. But by all accounts, the young man couldn’t play for shit. Only knew a few basic chords. So one Mississippi night he went out to a certain “Crossroads” and, as the legend goes, made a deal with the devil. The deal went that the devil would guarantee Johnson fame and fortune as a musician in exchange for his eternal soul.
As the story goes Johnson disappeared into Arkansas for, according to varying accounts, from a month to six weeks. He returned to Mississippi and could suddenly play his guitar better than anybody around. Johnson indeed became a huge star in the ensuing years. Until the devil decided it was time to collect on his end of the deal and Johnson was given poison whiskey. He died a horrible torturous 2 day death. So how does this apply to Big Ben you ask?
Before that final drive in last year’s Super Bowl the Devil whispered into Ben's ear, "You want to throw that winning TD pass don't you? I can make that happen for you."
Ben says, "Yeah man, what do I got to do?"
"Just throw the ball to Santonio, I'll do the rest. The only thing is next year you're going to throw an interception in the end zone every game. And you have to bang an ugly skank for me out in Nevada. Deal?"
And Ben replied, “Deal!”
So, just as Robert Johnson 75 years earlier traded stardom for his soul, Big Ben traded that winning Super Bowl TD and the fame that came with it for a sexual assault lawsuit and season full of interceptions in the end zone.
So, just as Robert Johnson 75 years earlier traded stardom for his soul, Big Ben traded that winning Super Bowl TD and the fame that came with it for a sexual assault lawsuit and season full of interceptions in the end zone.
3 comments:
Oh, and your defense will completely stop getting any turnovers whatsoever. Troy's knees will start to unravel like a bad sweater. You'll feel relief when the other team returns a kickoff fifty yards. And you won't be able to stop eating until you look like a contestant on The Biggest Loser.
The devil went down to Pittsburgh; he was lookin' for a soul to steal...
very interesting. might i suggest that bezzlebub also went to dick lebeau a long time ago and told him hi's defense could finish in the top 3 every year except for his last.....and it would all fall apart that year?
I am unware that Legbur has stuck any other deals with any other personnel on the team. In fact, the Big Ben one was only wild speculation.
But one thing is for sure. The forces of Evil are at work on this team in a big way.
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