Clinton: "Please Help The Stupid"

People and their personal finances tend to make me laugh for a number of reasons. I think I've listed a lot of them here before: credit card debt, overspending on cars, not saving a dime. Well, fear not. Hillary Clinton is going to save the stupid from themselves. Stupid may be too harsh of a word - but there is a woman in the article whose subprime adjustable mortgage payment went from $850 per month to $1200 and she had to sell her house to her neighbor and now pays him rent to stay there. I'd like to know what part of "adjustable rate mortgage" she didn't understand? It's not adjustable up to a certain limit.....the sky is the limit. When rates are at an all-time low period for years in a row, why would you assume they aren't going to climb back up. Weren't rates 18% in the early 80's? Clinton is also in favor of a grace period for folks who default on mortgages. Who knows, I could face that someday myself. Anyone who owns a house could, but is it really the government's problem? Both times I bought a house, I could have had a cheaper loan upfront if I took the adjustable. These same people who are complaining now were bragging about their rates 4 years ago and making you feel like an idiot for paying a full point more for a fixed loan. If you're going to get an adjustable rate, you better be prepared to pay the top end and not just hope it never gets there. I'm not sure how fair it is for these people to save $100's of dollars per month for years on end when the rate is good - and then when it jumps up and they can't pay it, they are going to be given a grace period. One thing she said does actually make a little sense....maybe taking a look at who qualifies for what mortgage in the first place. I think something like 33% of your earnings can go towards mortgage. People just need to live below their means or at least AT their means. I think most people live over their means by a considerable amount.

Getting McJustice

The deli in my office complex is more overpriced than one at an airport. About a year ago, most of the folks at my office declared a boycott on ordering from there as lunch "specials" crept towards $7 and that's without a drink. It seems like everything is extra there from marinara on cheesesteaks to toasting your bread. We make jokes that they charge for a plastic spoon when you get soup! Even though I stopped buying lunch there, I still walk to it occasionally to get out of the office and get a soda. That all stopped a month ago as well as they raised bottles of soda to $2 and Arizona Iced Teas to $2.25. To combat the soda hike, I started zipping through the McDonald's drivethru on my way to work. It's on the turnpike and right before I get off at my exit. I've been doing this 2-3 times per week for a month and no less than 4 times have found the drivethru to be closed when I get there. They put empty bun trays up like a gate to block the drivethru. I park, go in, wait in line..... instead of it taking 60 seconds to get a jolt of caffeine it takes about 10 minutes. I told the girl who waited on me that day that their drivethru is closed more than it's open. She said they were short staffed that morning. On the advice of a wise old-timer who just fought his own McD's battle, I kept my receipt the fourth time it happened and logged an angry complaint online. This happened last Wednesday, March 28th. I got an email this morning (not a form one either) from a McDonald's representative who thanked me and was pretty upset at what I witnessed. She said someone would contact me shortly to ask me a few questions. When I returned from running some errands today there was a message waiting for me from the owner of the store. What a nice guy! He was shocked and had no idea that his employees resorted to this when understaffed at their store. He told me he called over this morning when he got his email and blasted the morning manager who was there on Wednesday. He then proceeded to ask me questions trying to figure out if it was the same manager every time it happened. As it turns out, it wasn't. There is only ever one morning manager there and just from his descriptions, I was able to verify that two of them had closed his drivethru. He took exact times, was very apologetic and then gave me his cell phone number and told me to call him immediately if it ever happens again. He was good and McMad and started lamenting about how hard it is to get good employees these days. He then offered to mail me some coupons or something, but we had such a good chat - I told him I just want my Diet Coke in the morning without getting out of my car! He promised me it would never happen again and for whatever it's worth, I believe him. Now I'm going to go read some world news about sick people dying in a third world country while I'm complaining about drive-thru service. It's tough being an American.

On an ironic side note - in Blogger if you click on "drivethru" when it shows up in spell checker, there is only one suggestion: diphtheria. Nice.

Talk About Being Bored....

I purchased a card for my PC that allows me to dump digital 8 tapes from my camcorder to the PC so I can edit all the family film we've taken over the years. My goal is to shrink 17 hours of tape down to 4 or 5 hour long "movies". While sorting through tape 1 yesterday, I found this gem. My wife took our then 5 week old daughter to our hometown for a week and I was left by myself for Halloween. I had just watched The Blair Witch Project and the camera was only 2 months old. I decided to test the "Night Shot" feature. The results? I'm thinking Still A. Dad dropped me on my head one too many times when I was a young buck.

Babar? BABAR? What the?

This guy had a good idea, and instead of waiting until he could get his hands on a decent second animal - he went with....Babar The Elephant? Kermit's well timed "What?"s make the video if you ask me. Man, I love me some mashups.

Kermit Doing Cash Doing NIN! Awesome!

Whoa. No "Hi Ho" here. This is weird, cold....and GOOD. Right up my alley. I loved the original by Trent Reznor and Nine Inch Nails. The video was crazy good. When Johnny Cash redid it - I thought his version was just as good - maybe even better. He had the perfect voice and disposition to cover that song. Growing up hearing those plucks of Kermit's guitar starting "Rainbow Connection" meant I was going to enjoy the next 90 minutes. I was a huge huge Muppets fan while the tv show was on. To this day I like to show my daughter the classic clips on YouTube. I WILL NOT be showing her this! Did you see the attention to detail in the puking scene? There's a freaking cricket in the toilet!!! Wow!

Horrific Ending To Quality Time

Last night was an almost perfect night for me. I got to spend lots of quality time with my daughter. After dinner we played a game of chess, rode bikes and scooters and hit tennis balls to each other on the driveway. After she was snug as a bug and ready for bed we flipped on the tube and went to Animal Planet where there was a polar bear special on. We were laughing away at the two cute cubs a mother bear had and kept saying how much we wanted one. They kept making references as to how dangerous it was for the cubs away from mom and how they didn't go off on their own until they were three. While wondering for food a large male started to follow them, almost stalking them as they made their way across the tundra. He was hungry and desperate and would attack other polar bears if he was starving. The mom tried to hurry the little ones along as they searched for food. When they first come out in season it has been a long time since they ate enough food to sustain them. The smallest of the two cubs fell behind and the mother decided to stop and rest. The large male kept coming forward, maybe 100 yards behind them. I started to sense what was going to happen and wanted to change the channel but I thought they wouldn't actually kill off a cute cuddly polar bear cub...mom would certainly scare him away. Then the announcer said that the male was three times the size of the mom. Uh oh. As the male closed in slowly, the mom nudged and moaned at the young cub to get up and move but in the storm and without the proper body fat, the little guy was already freezing and was barely alive. The male bear suddenly rushed the cub that was still standing and the mom got between them as if to say "you are not getting both of my cubs". The male retreated and went over to the half frozen cub.....and before I could grab the remote and change it....started TEARING HIS FLESH OFF!!!!! Yup, my daughter started to cry. Not a big crocodile tear loud cry, but her eyes were wet and her face was sad. When the mother bear grabbed a seal...the director made the seal out to be nothing more than a piece of food...needed to survive. The seal may as well have been a Popsicle to her. But the cute little cub? Showing the male chewing on it with a bloody mouth?!? Yes, nature is nature, but really! We could have done without the graphic close-up! It was bad enough if it was left to the imagination, we didn't need to see it. How in the hell am I supposed to answer "Why did he do that, daddy?". I can't say "because he's a giant dickhead, honey, with no feelings". I just had to explain that he was going to die whether the male bear was there or not...so at least if the male bear eats him...he won't die as well. I could see it in her eyes. She was M-A-D mad at the male and could care less if he starved to death. It was like Sophie's Choice but with bears. Had the mom fought for the little cub, she could have lost her own life as well as the other cub's. She chose to accept her loss and move on. What a hard thing to accept and deal with for a kid. I also pointed out that the seal they ate earlier in the show had a family as well and that's just how nature is. It's easier to deal with if you convince yourself that once a small animal leaves mom for good - they probably don't even have a concept of "mom" anymore. Remember, I'm no PETA person and I like my meat rare and my shoes leather, but this wasn't Nemo's mom taking an off-camera hit in a cartoon - this was bloody and real. So I guess polar bears taste like chicken....white meat?

Tomlin Talks, We Listen

There are several short but sweet article over on steelerslive.com about how Mike Tomlin is getting along as the new head coach. In one he makes a nice analogy of Porter being let go here to Culpepper being let go in Minnesota. In another, he talks about the 4-3 vs. 3-4 scheme and how much attention has been paid to that since arriving. He is enamored with LeBeau and says we have the best 3-4 people "in the world" so why wouldn't he play it this year. He then says he saw some tape where Porter and Haggans were up on the line just like a 4-3 and he liked the look of that as well. He said teams will have no idea what to expect when playing the Stillers due to all the talk. Lastly, there was a short article about his relationship with Big Ben Roethlisberger and how well it is developing. He said Ben told him he is especially committed this year after the off-year last season. He then has a great quote: "sometimes it's easier giving directions to a dog that's just been scolded". No doubt. The one thing that really got me excited while reading the articles was his reference to the defense attacking and delivering bone-crushing hits. True That.

Cowher Jabs Rooney

Well, it took all of 2 months for Bill Cowher to say the first negative thing about the Stillers. It's definitely debatable as to whether he meant it that way - as he could have said it jokingly - but I guess we'll never know for sure how he meant it. He was at a camp as a guest speaking and was asked about missing coaching. After giving the political answer that he's been giving everyone - declaring that he'll stay home until his youngest daughter is out of high school - Cowher added his little jab. He said the equivalent of "I don't miss this time of year, Pittsburgh didn't sign any free agents anyway". For the article and exact quote, click here.

Please, Please, Please Be True

Rumor has it that ESPN has sacked Joe Theismann from being on Monday Night Football. That would rock! The guy just bugs me.....and millions of other people. I doubt he's a bad person, but he just has that confidence (mostly arrogance) that probably goes hand-in-hand with being a starting QB in the NFL. For years I cheered on Maguire to get his goat. Last year I was in Tony Kornheiser's corner. This year - hopefully - he'll just get picked up by FOX and always be on opposite the Steelers game and I'll only have to hear him once or twice the entire season. Let's hope this iws one rumor that's true!

A Grand Fall

When I first saw the picture today of the cruise ship that a couple fell overboard from, it looked very familiar. The nigh club was like 9 stories above the water in the back fin. Then I heard it identified as the "Grand Princess". It's the ship we were on in the fall of 1998, it's maiden year. I can't wait to hear the story about how two people went overboard. Without hearing any details - you'd almost have to assume one of them went overboard and the other jumped in to help. I can't imagine how scary it would be to be in the middle of the ocean and not be able to see anything but water! I know our ship buzzed Cuba and we could see it. Wouldn't that be something if they had to swim to Cuba? That would be a first....somebody swimming TO Cuba instead of away from it. In all honesty, I can't believe terrorists haven't done anything recently to cruise ships as they are a huge soft target.

Cat Redux

A good friend sent this Craigslist ad to me after reading about my cats.

Who Is Experimenting On Whom?

I have two cats. Both are relatively young as the oldest just turned 1 (16 in cat years) and the other is about 9 months old (12 in CY). These two are not the brightest of creatures. My recently deceased longtime pet "Lloyd" was a rocket scientist compared to these two. Lloyd never ran into a wall or furniture. Never. These idiots chase each other around the house at top speed and the fun usually stops when the one being chased runs into something. It's like a cartoon to watch him stop and shake it off. Lloyd could also navigate without knocking stuff over. I swear if you put him on a table and placed $50 crystal wine glasses 4 inches apart over the entire tabletop, he could stay up there for hours and never knock anything over. He was smart and graceful. The two dingbats that we "rescued" aren't exactly in that category. If I placed one crystal wine glass in one corner of one step out of the entire flight and then called them.....there is little doubt in my mind that I would be forking over money for a new glass. Don't get me wrong, they are very loving - just not too bright. We like to refer to them as intellectually challenged. Maybe they will get wiser with age. The little guy is his momma's boy. If my wife even looks at him he gives her a pathetic little "meow". They will then carry on a very detailed conversation. The older one shuns all attempts at affection until after 11 pm when he becomes sleepy and then he expects you to be his best friend and tries to sleep physically on top of you.....hoping you will put an arm around him and maybe forget that he ran from you all day when all you wanted to do was pet him. Why do I bring any of this up? Because they are driving me crazy. We have 2 matching sets of bowls for them and apparently they like the community approach because they will both eat and drink from either. We have both sets end-to-end in a corner at a 90 degree angle. So, picture the 4 bowls and let's call them bowls 1, 2, 3 and 4. Two bowls contain food, two bowls contain water. This is where it gets weird. I started out putting water in bowls 2 and 4. At the end of the day, 2 would be near empty - 4 would be completely full. Hmmmm. After noticing this, I would not refill bowl 2 to see what would happen. Bowl 2 would become bone dry and bowl 4 would still not be touched. I assumed at this point they were drinking water from leftover glasses or worse but after 2 days they eventually started drinking from bowl 4, but not that much. Mind you, the same bowl is not always bowl 2.....the numbers I'm talking about are for position only. I know this because I tested it as well (it's what QA guys do). After a day if I removed empty bowl 2 and replaced it with full bowl 4....refilled bowl 2 and placed it in slot 4.....they would gulp down the 1 day old water from bowl 4 which was now bowl 2. Are you following this? I did that for a few days which proved it wasn't just the bowl. Ahhh, it must be the placement. The next test was to move the water to bowls 1 and 3. Same results. After a few days I moved the water to bowls 1 and 2. Same results. I moved the water to bowls 2 and 3 and then I moved the water to bowls 3 and 4. SAME RESULTS. They would always nearly empty one bowl before touching the other! Why? Why, Lord, Why? The food? Didn't matter. They will eat from either bowl. They will eat at the same time from the same bowl or at the same time for different bowls. They will start eating at different bowls and the next time I look down...they switched places. The water? One bowl has to be empty (read: bone dry empty) before they will even consider drinking from the other bowl. The funny thing is....when I move the full bowl to where the empty one is - they start drinking it - no problems. I seriously think they are trying to drive me crazy! I think they get together and "meow meow" to each other and plan out their drinking habits for that day. I am tempted to put out no food and have water in bowls 1-4! Who makes the decision as to which of the 2 water bowls will be used? Is it totally random? Is it left versus right? I need some medication. I need a dog.

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

Well, Tomlin seems to have watched some game film as he's bringing Chidi Owuoma back for another year as a Special Teams Specialist. It doesn't hurt that in a pinch he can play DB just enough that he doesn't kill you. Sean Morey, however, had the hatchet dropped on him and was quickly gobbled up by Arizona. Probably a decent move for them as they need kick coverage help. Sometimes the Steelers only want 5 receivers on the team and it hurts when one of them is a liability but is kept around for Special Teams purposes. I like Morey, but Tomlin is banking on a defensive rookie being able to do what he does well. Plus, it will save cap money this year. I'm glad Chidi is back and I still can't believe they released him last year knowing the Pats like to sign our casualties to get a knowledge dump.

My Scorecard has Buddy Guy Ahead

Was checking out some Blues clips today on YouTube and came across this gem.

I saw this once before but I don't think I appreciated and liked the Blues as much as when I saw this the first time. While all of the guitarists are good, I like Buddy Guy's solo the best in this clip. Jimmy Vaughn's is kind of weird and choppy to me. Maybe it's just me, but I think I enjoyed all the solos more than his. Bonnie owns on the slide! What does The Dog think?

Jones gets "PorterHoused"

Hey Levi Jones, I hear that a nice Porterhouse steak is good for a black eye. Joey Porter was arrested last night at the Sands Casino for getting into a fight with Bengals offensive lineman Levi Jones. Some may say Jones' fighting style was offensive after the fight. The article I read said it all "Jones was treated by medical personnel at the scene." The lineman outweighs Porter by what, sixty pounds minimum? The thing that is troubling about this for me is that Porter was never an off field problem for Bill Cowher. Sure, he was shot in the ass a few years ago, but that was a drive-by random shooting. I'm not a fan of players getting into trouble and I like Joey Porter. I think he's good for the game in the same manner that Chad Johnson is. This fight is just going to add to Joey's street cred as a menacing type of guy. I was going to post about Peezey tonight anyway as SI's Michael Silver wrote an article on SI.com about how Pittsburgh will regret not signing him and it will come back to haunt them. Silver dives into familiar journalist fodder like Pittsburgh not signing their own, which hasn't really been the case since Heinz field opened. Porter has already been resigned once! He "poo-poo's" James Harrison being resigned last year and ready to start and fails to mention the Steelers need to sign Troy Polamalu and Ben Roethlisberger to their second contracts....soon! He mentions (and again shrugs off) the logic that Mike Tomlin may switch to a 4-3 in the coming seasons and that would diminish Porter's role on the team. His reasoning is one-sided: Porter's fire. I agree with him that Porter's fire will be missed, but when a leader leaves, another person steps up to assume the leadership role. Tomlin will be looking for his defensive leader in camp. Maybe Casey Hampton will step up and be the voice of the defense. Silver criticizes the Stillers for not even making an effort to sign him. What's the point? He wanted top linebacker money and not to be insulted. In my estimation, he has been slipping ever so slightly each of the last 2-3 years. Another thing Silver never mentions is Porter's penchant for having personal fouls called on him in critical situations. In a close game, I'd bet my left plumb that the opposing coach is telling players to get after Peezey and make him do something stupid. Maybe Tomlin is very aware of this and wants a more "polished" approach. Why not just drop the axe now and not cause a problem closer to camp? Look, I didn't want JP to get cut. But when you add up all the small things (not going to take less money, Harrison signed and ready to play cheaply, may switch to 4-3, already played 8 years, Ben and Troy need long term deals) they point in one direction....a menu with no Porterhouse. It's a forward leaning decision and I like it. I'll miss him as a Steeler, but I like the decision.

Cue Chris Farley

I had an appointment last week that I wanted to wear a suit to. You already know where this is going, don't you? I remember back to when I had to wear a suit every day to work. That was 1991 to about 1995. We finally went business casual but I got placed at a client site in 1998 and I needed to buy 2 more suits since I outgrew the others. Around 2000 or 20001 we were told we could dress business casual at the client site. Cooooool. I don't mind dressing up in a suit, in fact, I like it - if the suit fits.....or, if I fit in the suit. For the past 6 or 7 years I've only had to wear a suit for the occasional wedding or funeral, and I haven't been to a wedding in a while. I wore a new blazer to the last funeral I attended. The last 3 or 4 times I wore my black suit, I wore a pair of newer dress slacks with them instead of the original suit pants. Well, as I started to get dressed for my appointment - I noticed that the black slacks I wanted to wear were in the hamper at the bottom, and wrinkled - badly. I didn't want to wear the other suit that "fit" because the jacket isn't exactly traditional. In the mid 90's for whatever reason some stores were selling suits with 4,5 and 6 buttons on the front....it was "European" or something. Right. My instinct was to not buy that particular suit but it fit well (at the time) and the price was right. However, I didn't want to wear it for this occasion so I squeezed myself into the suit that I wore easily back in 1998. Except for not being able to exhale, everything was OK. I literally had to fight with the top button of my white dress shirt (also from 1998) and opted instead to wear a newer white oxford shirt that fit....but it was at the cleaners! So, now I'm wearing a tight shirt, tight pants and a little jacket. It's not like I weigh 30 pounds more than I did in 1998, It's probably only 15-20. Wow. What a difference that makes. I need to go out and buy a new suit! I remember I used to have a closet full of suits, shirts and ties. I don't want that again - but I'd like to be able to not be as red as a tomato in the face the next time I need to wear one!

Code Monkey

I can't get this damn chorus out of my head!

Grace, With Egg On Your Face

I don't care how many times I watch this clip, I laugh harder each and every time. Maybe that's why I still enjoy America's Funniest Videos every once in a while. If you need cheered up, there is nothing like watching another human being fall. The funniest one I ever saw in person was at Lollapalooza the year Primus and Alice In Chains played. My friend and I were just dog tired after being there all day in 105 degree heat. We went to see Alice more than Primus and after they finished, we only listened to two Primus songs before we walked out to the parking lot. We could still hear, just not see. We had to wait on his 15-year-old niece and her friend so we grabbed a seat on a wall lining a lot and just watched people. it was late and dark. There was one of those real thick chains draped across the entrance to the lot we were sitting in. It was about shin high in the middle. We watched as close to 100 people almost fell, but saw it at the last second and stepped over it. Finally we saw our stooge. He was youngish and his entire look just screamed that he needed to be knocked down a peg or two. As he approached the chain we anticipated him not seeing it in time. As his front foot landed on it and he started to move forward, his back leg got tangled and kind of pulled him back. As he started to fall I swear our eyes locked as I started to smile. Instead of just falling he fought it hard making it look even worse. It must suck to fall down in front of probably 50-75 people....especially when half of them are drunk and laughing at you. We laughed about that the rest of the night and decided that as we pushed the age limit, an evening of watching people battle a chain was almost as amusing as watching Alice In Chains.

Can This Be Verified?

This is clever, scary....and, well.....clever. The text is as good as the video. I went to snopes to see if the article itself was the prank and I couldn't find anything. I'm still not convinced it's true - it's just my personality to not believe this kind of thing on first take. Let's see what we can find out.

So That's What Bruce Hornsby Is Doing Now

I'm not even sure how to react to this.

I'm guessing next we'll have Snoop Dogg, Dr. Dre and Ice Cube doing a cover of "Thank God I'm A Country Boy".

Tough Noogies

If this was my kid, a simple - "well, that's life" would have to suffice from me. One of the biggest problems in today's society (according to me) is parents defending their kids for all sorts of things. I hear from current teachers all the time that parents call in and complain if the teacher even corrects their child. If I came home and had to tell somebody I got crap at school that day...I got more crap....not a sympathetic parent looking for an excuse..any excuse..to call the teacher and ask why their little baby came home sad. It's a tough world out there. I think, and Still A. Dad or Still A. Sis can confirm this - that my pops called the school one time to stick up for my Sis. It's funny because I just told my daughter this story. She asks me all the time if I got in trouble in school and then wants to know "why" and "how much"? I'm not going to lie to her. I was a smart-ass in school. She can already tell you the 5 or 6 worse things I did. I don't want her to think she has to live up to some standard. The first time she got on Yellow in school was last year in first grade (they use a green, yellow, red light system). She was on yellow once the entire year and it is a daily occurrence for some kids. She was so upset she cried when telling me! She punished herself. She thought I was going to be mad! I told her that that old bat Ms. Rugg stuck me and my big mouth in the corner 30 times when I was in first grade! Easy. I didn't get detention until 4th grade and that was from tripping a girl right in front of Mrs. Dorito and Ms. Woolslegle. She fell so hard she cried....and we were "in love". I told her about the time I had to write for Mr. Bloom for trying to one-up him in Geography class and for the time in Mr. Metal's class when my cohorts and myself declared ourselves as "Here" by saying "Past", "Present" and "Future" (I was "Present"). I told her that when I was a Junior in high school, about 110 students made National Honor Society. I graduated 46th in a class of 600 but somehow failed to make Honor Society. Why? Are you not paying attention? I was a smart ass. I think I had some teachers in a cold sweat hoping they wouldn't say something that would draw my wit. If I could make the class laugh, I would weigh that agsint my probable punishment (if any) and roll the dice. I would rather make the entire class laugh than sit there and be bored stiff. It made my day more exciting. I don't think any teacher actually disliked me...well, ok, one or two did....they just knew I was not performing as well as I could. If I could get a 'B' without studying...I'd take it. If the class didn't interest me, I would do just enough to get my 'B'. The classes that everyone had to take like Geography, Sociology, Civics....they went over things 4 times and you couldn't help but get an 'A' if you could memorize things after hearing them 2-3 times. Those are the classes when the real clown came out. I heard from a good source that I didn't lose the Class Clown vote by much but I did deserve to lose as the winner was a master and a partner in crime. I'm not proud of that or sorry about it either. It is what it is and I buckled down in college. My partner in crime, did not.

I didn't tell my daughter yet that I had the police show up at the door before I graduated - but I will before she hits Jr. High. Back to the main point - one day my sister took something to the office for actually a favorite teacher of mine who shall remain nameless due to the fact that not that many people share his unusual name.... While away the class was rowdy and was instructed to write as punishment. When she returned and class was dismissed she was instructed to write as well which seemed unfair to her. I think he said the class acted up the entire class and that was that. I think Still A Dad placed a call and was told the same thing (I could be wrong). Once he got the answer he did what he had to....told her to just do it. Damn! Maybe he should have sued for something. Embarrassment for my sister since she was usually the one to never get in trouble. In fact, it wouldn't surprise me if that was the worse thing she had to do while in school. So, when I came to Still A Dad with....."but, dad, all I said was 'Present'....some kids say 'Present' every day, I shouldn't have to write...." he just gave me the "am I that stupid?" look and I went away and found somebody to write "Past, Present, Future" for me 1000 times for $5. Damn, I miss school. Oh yeah, quit babying your kids! Life isn't fair. The sooner they learn that, the better off they will be. If I had that brat in one of my classes and she sued the school...I'd be itching to give her anything BUT an "A" on my next subjective grading project. Who in the Hell cares if she finishes with a 4.5 or a 4.48? That is sooooooooo unimportant in the grand scheme of things. I think if my daughter was closing in on the school's #1 student position - I'd sabotage her effort! Nah, but I would tell her I couldn't give a rat's ass if she finished #1 or #46 and mean it. I know quite a few people who did REALLY REALLY well in school and haven't done a damn thing with their lives. Besides that, it wouldn't surprise me for second if #100 has more "real" friends and is much more well-rounded than #1.

White Chicks Gang Signs

Very Creative

Mahan Inked, Okobi Career Backup?

The Steelers finally joined the fray that is the free agency period in the NFL by signing Bucs center Sean Mahan. Mahan received $17 million for 5 years with $4 million coming as a signing bonus. Mahan signing leaves question marks for Okobi, who has been a backup here for....well, forever. Mahan can play multiple positions, but I'm betting he will be the opening day center. Even mentioning Kendall Simmons switching to center must have peeved Okobi. I have nothing against him, but let's face it, the fact that he hasn't played yet as an every down player does not speak too well for him. Coach Tomlin must have watched all the tape on him and made a decision. Okobi's contract isn't so large that he can't hang around and be used as a backup since he knows the system - and camp will be a good gut-check for him to see if he still has any "heart" after this signing.

Slanted #40 Dinosaur

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American Idol Top 12

As usual, I'll be watching American Idol tonight as they whittle the field down to the final 12 contestants. It's my daughter's favorite show and she never misses it. It's interactive entertainment for us as we watch each performance and then see if we agree with the judges. I've been waiting patiently to get rid of some of these clowns and tonight I'll be rewarded as Sanjaya Malakar gets booted from the show. The only way he can stay on is if he plays the "race card". He doesn't have to worry about splitting his vote with anyone else. I think he has a little gender confusion going on....not that there's anything wrong with that. Jared Cotter with the "Bert" of "Ernie And ___ " fame eyebrows is gone as well. He looks like Carlton Bank's inbred cousin. Haley Scarnato will be leaving, but I actually might miss her as I'm not much of an R&B fan which seems to be prevalent with the strong crowd of Doolittle, Jones and Edwards. Antonella Barba - gone. I had fun peeking at the pics online (even if some of them weren't actually her) but she just can't sing with the big girls. In fact, if she didn't look like she looks, she probably wouldn't have made the final 24! How long before she shows up in Playboy? She may need to get some of Kellie Pickler's "shoes" before that happens. My two favorite females Gina Glocksen and Sabrina Sloan will have to hope the R&B triplets mentioned above keep getting each other's votes so they can sneak in under the radar. I like Jordin Sparks too. I'd take any of them as the winner. On the guys side, I'm in Chris Sligh's corner. Not sure he can win, but I dig him. If he goes, I'd consider Blake Lewis. Being a Blue's fan, you'd think I'd back Sundance Head - but he can't seem to pick a good song for himself to save his life. I LOVED his audition. What happened to that guy? He should just come out and rock a blues song every week! Now it's too late as they have to conform to the weekly genre.

Steelers Caught With Pants Down!

After reviewing the free agent signings in the NFL for Wednesday and Thursday, I decided to place a call to Steelers headquarters in the 'Burgh. I asked for Kevin Colbert but he wasn't around. Seems Coach Tomlin was watching film. Dan Rooney was napping. Art II was throwing darts at a dartboard with Bill Cowher's face on it. Interesting. I asked the nice lady who answered the phone if anyone over there realized the free agent signing period began on March 2nd. She assured me it started on April 2nd and that I had nothing to worry about. They were cutting players that wanted sentimental money and devising a strategy for resigning the new core of the team. I told her that Joey Porter had already signed with the Dolphins and she said that it was just a rumor. I told her to check NFL.com and she said they all saw it, but assumed the website was hacked and the image of Joey wearing Dolphin's gear was "Photo Shopped". I asked her if they were targeting any players that would get the fans excited and she told me all about this exciting punter. I asked if I could put her on hold and get the new commissioner on the line - she agreed. The commish came on the line and informed her that the free agent signing period had indeed started almost a full week ago. Bells went off, alarms sounded, papers rustled....there was some screaming followed by some crying....followed by some screaming about crying. I heard what sounded like Coach scream "What? Is anyone left? A Punter!!!?????". In all the confusion, the office manager forgot about me so I slowly hung up the phone, happy with the fact that if they sign the punter, I'll never have to hear "You know Jim, Chris Gardocki has never had a punt blocked". I'll miss that almost as much as I miss hearing that Carlton Haselrig never went to college.

John Will Pop A Cap In Your Ass

John Popper was caught in his SUV as a passenger yesterday with a weapons cache hidden all over the car in secret compartments and a small amount of weed. It's the third time that I could find Popper has been popped for less than poppy. He is a registered weapons collector but he also had emergency lights, a PA and a siren installed on his car. His reasoning? In the event of a catastrophic emergency - he wants to be prepared. Does pot make you paranoid? This photo is from a very similar 2003 arrest....weapons and wacky weed. Note to self....if The Blues Traveler ever cuts me off in traffic, accuses me of taking his seat at a show or honks at me to make a left in front of an oncoming vehicle....do NOT flip out on him.

Peezey Gets P-A-I-D

I just don't understand some team's philosophy on free agents. Joey Porter, already an 8-year vet, gets cut in a salary cap snafu and ends up making cheddar grande in Miami. At first when I heard the deal was for $32 million, I didn't blink because a lot of deals never make it to the last 1 or 2 years where a lot of the money is. Peezey's agent must be better then Arli$$ because $20 million of the $32 is guaranteed. Amazing. Good for him. If you are giving somebody $20 million in guaranteed money - it better be for a difference maker. Joey Porter is still a better than average outside linebacker. Is he a $20 mil slam dunk? I don't think so. As far as pass rushers go- what's Jason Taylor worth after Porter's deal? It's crazy. I never in a million years thought he'd get that kind of cabbage without having to play one down. I have a feeling we better hurry up and sign Troy Polamalu before an inferior safety's deal prices us right out of the market! And did you see what Ahman Green got from the Texans? The Texans panicked more than Rosie O'Donnel sitting at the last table at a buffet stye dinner reception. Ahman Green? This is 2007 not 2002!

Town's End?

With 3 years and about $6 million left on his current contract, could the trouble Deshea Townsend finds himself in help him hit the skids like Joey Porter? I doubt it since starting corners making less than 2 mil a year are hard to come by - but I am already on record as saying I think McFadden could end up taking his position this year. Who knows? I just wonder what goes through these guys heads right before they join a fight...knowing full well it will be in every paper the next day. Coach Cowher used to preach to not put yourself in those types of situations. If you aren't at a bar at 1:45 AM, you can't get into a drunken brawl. Coach Tomlin is coming over from the Vikings....and we all know that they ran a tight......ship. (long pause) Rats. We're screwed.

Slanted #39 Dalai Lama

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Dump Truck In - Duckett Out

Well, since Najeh Davenport signed a 2 year contract with the Steelers -I'm assuming TJ Duckett is now off the radar. I was kind of hoping we would get TJ cheap and transform him into what he was supposed to be when he was drafted. I'm ok with Najeh as 2 million over 2 years is a great deal for a backup who can start in a pinch.

On another note, since the Ravens lost Adalius Thomas to the Patriots last week - word is that they are interested in Joey Porter. I wonder what Porter would do playing against us? Would he still walk the 50 yard line and try to intimidate? I'm curious to see what he will command on the open market. Dallas seems to be interested as well.

Hines Ward and Alan Faneca were both pretty vocal about Porter getting cut. Faneca has already said on the record he wasn't happy about one of the assistants not getting the head coaching position. I really hope all these guys get behind the new coach and don't form a "disgruntled" group in camp. I'd love to have a great camp and come out of the gate firing on all cylinders.

Slanted #38

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F^&% The POlice

..and this time I'm not talking about another NWA mashup. This time I'm talking about Sting, Andy and Stewart. I've always been a huge fan of The Police and their music. Stewart Copeland is one of my favorite drummers and Synchronicity is one of my all-time favorite albums. When The Police broke up, it was one of the few times I was actually sad over a band breaking up - Van Halen being the other. I bought some of Sting's solo material and followed Stewart's career t some degree and always hoped they would record together again. When I heard the announcement that they were going to perform at the Grammy awards and tour, I kind of made up my mind that I would try to see them since I missed the opportunity as a youngster. I was working from home yesterday and got an email from my local venue that a pre-sale was going to start in a few hours and I was given a special code to buy the tickets. The sale would be open to the public on Saturday morning so i was getting a 2-day jump. I started trying to get on the website at 9:50 since the sale started at 10:00 and the server was already maxed out. They allow you to sit idle for a few minutes and then they boot you to allow on another user. It's really a crap shoot as to whether you'll get on the site in time to get good tickets. If you don't connect, you get a 60-second countdown screen and it automatically tries again. I opened another tab and kept an eye on the ticket tab. At about 10:05 I got through and proceeded to input my code "ROXANNE" (how original) and 2 "Best Available" seats. What came back had to be an error in my estimation. Two tickets were placed in my cart and my total was $440 plus fees. I thought maybe I mistakenly asked for 8 tickets! Are you kidding me? I was disgusted. Shit, I should get to sit in and play drums for that kind of cheddar. How dare they? It's a concert! It's entertainment that lasts 2 hours. I can see an Oscar winning movie at the theater for $10 that lasts just as long. I cancelled the order but stayed on the ticket site and backed out to the seating chart. I selected the next tier of tickets out of curiosity - my mind already made up that I wouldn't be checking out The Police in July. The next level of seating was $90 per ticket. How you go from $220 to $90 is still a mystery to me, but I'm sure The Police can solve that problem. The Police, are in fact stealing money. Straight up. If John Bonham came back from the dead and Zeppelin toured I wouldn't pay $500 for 2 tickets and fees. Yes I pay a hefty amount of money each year to see my beloved Steelers, but that's more than just a game. It's an entire weekend of fun, tailgating and catching up with old friends (and old Dogs). I'm not paying $220 so 3 musicians can never have to worry about working another day in their lives. I already know Sting sold out years ago when he teamed up with Jaguar to make a commercial featuring his new single that wasn't selling. It was a conscious decision to sell more records and that's on the factual record. He also sang with The Backstreet Boys on a VH-1 special while dressed like a 20-year-old a few years ago. That didn't exactly do it for me either. I like to think of Sting as an artist - not a pop star. Now I think of him as a money-grubbing opportunist. I don't hate them and I won't turn the channel the next time "Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic" comes on the radio....but it's definitely another nail in the coffin for me for things that I used to enjoy. I'm sure I'll have ample opportunity to rent the DVD of the reunion tour when it comes out. better yet, I'll have my friend on Netflix rent it and burn it for me in protest. For those 2 hours I'd like to travel back in time to when the songs were just coming out - but I also have a feeling after watching the Grammy performance that they will get "too" crazy with new arrangements until the point of recognition with some of the songs is blurred.

South Of The Border

I would like to give a nod to Still A South who along with another 'burgher has started a Steeler fan club in South Carolina. This is a pic of some of the crew from the AFC Championship game against Denver in the 2005 season. They are having official members, a logo, t-shirts, condoms and other items printed up.....ok, I added the condoms part....but it would be cool to put little Terrible Towel shaped reservoir tips with Cope's face on them. Just a thought. Anyway, the link is Steel City South (damn, I like the ring of that...it just flows off the tongue and reminds me of another superb website I visit daily) and you'll also find the link in my links section. I even heard an ugly rumor that I can write guest columns there much like The Dog does here. Hey Dog, you're technically South....you gonna join? Maybe if I could get every member of their club to come here daily - I could make 17 cents a week using Google Ad Sense? Feed the tuna mayonaisse indeed.

Slantradamous Strikes Again

Hours after posting an opinion on what to do with Joey Porter and predicting that he had played his last game as a Steeler, I got an email from Still A Dad saying he was let go. I'm assuming it was because Porter threatened to hold out if he doesn't have a new deal and the Steelers had no intention of giving him a long term contract with James Harrison in the fold. Basically, Harrison did what Steeler backup linebackers do - he forced a starter out of a job. When you have someone who can play the position as well as the starter and he's making less than 50% of said starter.....the writing is on the wall. Also interesting to note - Porter was a Cowher guy all the way and came to camp last year a little disgruntled because of his contract ONLY after BC reached out to him and asked him to come. Faneca made comments at the Pro Bowl this year to the tune of "why did all the other teams want our assistants but we didn't?". Tomlin would cause an uproar if Faneca found himself out of a job. I think he's quite safe. I also hear the Tomlin is high on a LB that he helped draft for the Vikings....and I think the guy is a free agent. He wouldn't take Harrison's spot, but who knows what's coming in the next few weeks? I'm still a little shocked this happened so quickly but it sure does send a message to every player on the team.

Smith Gets New Deal, 3-4 Staying

Aaron Smith staying around to retire a Steeler or at minimum play another 2-3 years in the 'Burgh signals what the short term plan is for new coach Mike Tomlin. Finding a solid replacement for Smith would be hard for the next few years. It's not that he's untouchable and we should be grooming a replacement - it's that this team is still equipped to win it all with the current lineup and a few tweaks. I don't personally feel that a tweak is needed on the defensive line at this point. Hampton and Smith have played a lot of games together and Keisel played well last year. I also think the contract is a decent enough deal with the cap going up to $90 million dollars. Don't get me wrong, this doesn't excite me nearly as much as it will when Polamalu or Roethlisberger is resigned - but when you look at the makeup of the team, the DL starters are set in stone and with Hoke signed, Hampton is backed up sufficiently. Maybe the plan is for the contract to really be a 2 year deal and be looking at a younger player, but the cap will keep going up making the later part of the contract still acceptable when he gets to it. The bigger question is - what to do with Joey Porter? I remember the Steelers kept Greg Lloyd late in his career and let Chad Brown walk. It turned out to be a bad decision in retrospect. Also, after it was clear to Steeler Nation that Jason Gildon just didn't have it any more - he was retained past his prime and hurt the team badly in my estimation. Porter can be an enigma. He completely destroyed Manning in the playoff game during the Super Bowl run, but he also disappears completely from other games. I'm hoping that when he does disappear, it's because he's being doubled allowing someone else to make a play. There is no doubt that he's also one of the emotional leaders of the team - but his emotions also cause many issues. At times last year I was surprised that he wasn't yanked from a game until he calmed down. Porter will be interesting because we can afford to pay him what he's due this year and then let him walk - although he might hold out. We could keep him for the next 3-4 years only if the money is right - and he won't like what I think is right. He's on the down side of his career and even if he maintains his current level of play for 2007 and 2008 - I'd hate to be paying him $4 million dollars a year in 2009 just to watch him be too slow like Gildon was near the end. James Harrison has to start at some point. Why not this year? Could Porter be traded on draft day? You bet. I won't be surprised by anything that happens concerning him and I'm not sure what I want to happen to him right now. I'm loyal...but not Bill Cowher loyal. I love it that on a player's poll of 350+ current players, Peezey ranked #1 for most feared player. I like intimidation. I don't like stupid penalties. I think The Dog feels his time is over. I'm tempted to have him play this year for what we owe him and then decide what to do. Look, if we are resigning Troy and Ben this year - Porter has to go. Of all the players that we need to keep, I'm just not sure he fits into those plans. I will hate to see him go. You know he'll probably also tell tales out of school once gone. I wish they could agree on a fair contract where he would play this entire year and then start to come in more just to pass rush in later years. I don't think that will happen. I'm predicting it will get ugly and he's played his last game for the Black-n-Gold.

Steelers Team Doctor Questioned About Growth Hormones

Richard A. Rydze, the Steeler's team doctor, was interviewed about why he put $115,000 worth of growth hormones on his personal credit card. The drugs have a street value of over $450,000. He has broken no law (so far) and has been told he's not under investigation. No matter what happens - it doesn't look good for the organization to have to answer all of these questions. It wasn't that long ago that Jim Haslett said in an interview that the 70's Steelers started the steroid craze in the NFL. Of course other players and the Rooneys condemned the remark and he kind of took it back, but the deceased Steve Courson was open about using during his tenure. If he was using it for his other patients, why not buy it through different channels? If it wasn't Steelers who were using it, could it have been other NFL people who had a line of contact to him through a player? From what I've read, this guy isn't with the team like a trainer is - he is usually only with them on game day. If he's using them himself, they don't work, I've seen pictures.