FAN: Black Noise, BlackBerry Overuse

So, feeling strong after the addition of Belimort to the football lexicon, I have another creation that I'd like to add to the business vernacular. Office buzzwords are so overplayed it's ridiculous. I go out of my way to avoid using them unless I'm an early adopter or I think they're really warranted. For instance, you'll never hear me say "my guy can't do that, he doesn't have enough bandwidth." How about Outside The Box? When people say that to me, I just roll my eyes, right in front of them. We have a guy in our office pretty far up the food chain who can't get through a meeting without saying the word germane. One day he wasn't in for our daily meeting and being the smart ass that I am, I actually said, "Hey, somebody else is going to have to say germane today." Half the attendees cracked up and half of them looked at me like they had no idea what I was talking about. I have a theory about those who had no idea what I was talking about. They have no idea that he says germane every day. You know why? Because they are too busy using their BlackBerry. This is not a rant about Research In Motion's BlackBerry. Heck, I own one. But you won't see me pull it out and check my email while I'm talking to somebody. You also won't see me on it in a meeting I'm in or staring at it blankly as I walk through the halls. You see, people today are too enamored of shiny objects. The people who are pecking away responses at meetings don't get it that only 5% of what they are sending needs to be answered at that very moment. This is my issue. Prioritization, my friends. The CEO is speaking at the daily meeting I'm in and I'm positive people are answering emails about lunch and what they watched on TV last night. A BlackBerry means you can get and answer your email on the go. It does not mean you have to answer Sheila when she asks you if you think Stacey is being a bitch lately. At least not right now. The instruction manual does not say "Stop whatever it is you're doing when an email comes in an answer it or you will be vaporized." So, what's my new buzzword? Have you heard of white noise? As in "Sort through all the white noise and pull out what's germane....er, I mean relevant." Well, I've noticed a trend since being at my first place of business where almost everybody has a CrackBerry......and I'm going to call it Black Noise.....and you are going to forward this article to everyone you know who may think this is funny.....or agree with me. Have you noticed after hours or on weekends when an important email comes out, everyone feels like they have to chime in? Look at me, boss, I'm checking my emails - on the weekend no less! Hmmmm, how can I make sure the boss knows I saw this? I know, I'll reply back to everyone - that way even Sally who never works on weekends will know I'm doing my fair share and she'll see my time/date stamp on Monday. So, on Sunday at 12:57 PM, 37 people get an email from this chronic purveyor of Black Noise that reads.........."I agree". Great! Thanks for that! Bob, who is currently in the local produce aisle looking for lemons feels the buzz in his pocket and starts to sweat. "Shit. Shannon got first. What should I do?" He looks around slowly contemplating his options. He doesn't want to do it, but feels like he must. You see, Bob is aware that he does this thing that hasn't yet been named, but he can't help himself. Slowly he begins to type. He hates himself. "Me too...talk more Monday." He clicks Send and grabs another lemon as he will now need more Vodka to hide his shame. Ladies and Gentlemen of the workforce, I give you.....

Black Noise: (noun) any communication stemming from a RIM BlackBerry (typically off core hours) that adds nothing of importance to a thread. In most cases sent so the sender can feel better about themselves for being involved in some process, even if they don't understand the process in which they are trying to seem a part of.

Now you, my loyal readers, can finally be an early adopter with "Black Noise". Start to use it at your office. Scoff at how much Black Noise Scott sends out on Saturdays. Use it in front of those you don't like without telling them what it means so you will seem more in the know. Go forth, and spread thy word.