Andy Reid Uses Sons As Distraction

It's really funny how lately I've been hearing so much about how much time NFL coaches put in. Cowher needed out. I heard Bill Walsh say he retired too early last night but he was burned out. Gruden sleeps 4 hours a night. Spurrier couldn't handle the schedule and got out. Last night in the Philadelphia area - both of Andy Reid's sons were in trouble with the law in mutually exclusive events (right, wink wink). One was in a road rage incident and apparently pulled a gun on the other driver and pointed it at him. The other slammed into another car injuring the driver and the police found drug paraphernalia in the car. Hmmmm. Listen, I've watched a lot of detective shows on tv, and if my hunch is right, this was just a "cover up". A massive, massive "cover-up". If the Philly blues do their homework and due diligence on this case - I'm betting they'll find that the closest food store to the Reid's house got jacked last night. I'm thinking Reid was furious that McNabb talked to the press in Miami and went on a crazed food binge. He probably ate everything in the house, screamed at the boys and told them to go out and cause a diversion. After the boys left the house scared for their lives (Andy has threatened to eat both of them on separate occasions before) he waited patiently before changing into his size XXXXL black sweat suit. Having trouble pulling the waistband over his last fold, he slit it an inch and finally got it on. He waddled out the back door and over to the local Genuardi's. After surprising the last employee out by distracting him and asking if he wanted Jeff Garcia's autograph, Reid decked him with the frozen turkey he carries with him in case he gets stranded and needs food. After entering the food store - he followed his normal routine upon entering - he walked over to the baked good aisles and pleasured himself to the smell of doughnuts. After cleaning up, he made his way through each department sampling everything in site. When his first son called to ask for advice and told him that he just pulled a gun on someone while driving his car - Andy barely heard him over the crunching of Cheetos. He simply told him to stay out for at least another hour so police would not come to the house first and notice Andy was missing. By the time son number two called with news that he was found with drug items in his car - Andy was having a high of his own. His eyes were almost rolled back in his head as he was dipping various pepperoni meat-type products in mayonnaise and chasing it with chocolate milk. He belched, used the facility to bomb the Kurds and quickly waddled back to the comfort of his home. The police wouldn't be there to search the house for the gun for another 10 minutes. Andy sighed a sigh of relief, knowing that the sons he ignores took a hit for him so he could feed his inner demons.