Guest Post From Still A Dog

From Still A Dog:

COLTS STILL OWN BALTIMORE!!
MAYFLOWER 15, RAVENS 6
McNAIR BOLLERS THINGS UP
RAVENS AND THEIR FANS PREMATURELY EJACULATE
BALTIMORE COLTS 15, CLEVELAND BROWNS 6
FESTIVUS OVER. STEELERS STILL NFL CHAMPS

Baltimore- On an unseasonably warm day in Charm City the Indianapolis (nee Baltimore) Colts served notice that they still own the city they left in the middle of the night 23 years ago. Mayflower moving vans moved the only real football team this city ever had and that team returned to crush the Ravens playoff hopes, doing so without even scoring a touchdown.

Raven QB Steve McNair, known locally as the Winged God of Passing, looked much like his bumbling idiot of a backup, Kyle Boller, for most of the afternoon. His ill timed interceptions drained from the team what little life the Ravens offense had shown. Brought in as a starter to replace the hapless Boller, McNair, washed up and beat down in Tennessee, gave false hope to Baltimorons everywhere that he was indeed the missing link. Yesterday the world saw why McNair will never win a Super Bowl and why every one of the other 31 teams in the league passed on signing him after his release from Tennessee.

The fans of the Ravens dressed gayly in purple feathers tried everything they could to cheer their thug laden team to victory. After defeating the World Champion Pittsburgh Steelers twice this season the Raven fans annointed themselves NFL Champions before their team ever suited up for a playoff game. This air of superiority carried over to the team. Alleged murderer, Ray Lewis, said that the Ravens didn't have to worry about Peyton Manning. He declared that instead, the Colts should be worrying about "us." Note to Ray- Ah, this might come as a surprise to you, you not watching the pregame shows and all, but Peyton Manning is if anything the most thoroughly prepared QB in the league. Might want to spend just a little more time worrying about him next time. So with what their coach calls "Swagger" the city called the whole 2006-07 post-season "Festivus." Festivus going back to 2000 represented a 5 week celebration of Ravens football greatness and invincibility. Festivus has now been called off until further notice.

The Festivus celebration culminated at it's apex on Friday when Baltimore media called for Purple Passion day or some such nonsense. A day when every Ravens fan and clueless idiot within a 50 mile radius of the Chesepeake Bay wore purple to work. These type of days are common for fans on a Friday leading up to a Super Bowl appearance but not prior to the first playoff appearance by a team in 3 years. On Friday morning local TV personality Marty Bass had to remind the mindless mob to cheer for the Ravens not against the other team. But his advice fell on deaf ears as noted by Peyton Manning's post-game observation on National TV that he had never seen so many middle fingers as on his bus ride to M&T Bank Stadium.

So the Ravens, their fans, the city of Baltimore were ripe for a beating on Saturday and that's just what they got. Smug and self righteous in their premature ejaculation, they got their asses beat.

And the Super Bowl trophy still sits in Pittsburgh.