DOG: Steeler Envy

The Baltimore Ravens fans say they hate us and our team. Not true at all. They envy us. They want to be like us. Hell, they'd crawl up our collective asses and BE us if they could.

They envy our QB. And it absolutely galls them that they were the ones who took Tommy Maddox out of the game thus launching the career of Ben Roethlisberger. How long would it have taken Cowher to make that move on his own??

Their entire team is structured to emulate the Steelers. And who can blame them? The road to the AFC North title runs thru Pittsburgh every year and they damn well know it. And there ain't nothing they can do about it. Been that way since before they turned their orange and brown uniforms in for the monkey-puke purple ones they wear today.

Let's take a look and you will see that Sunday's game will be a tough one not because these teams have a sincere dislike for one another, but because they are so similar.

Coach: We hired the ultra-professional Mike Tomlin. To counter, they fired buffoon Billick and hired the most professional coach they could find, John Harbaugh. His father was extremely successful at Western Kentucky for just about forever. And before long his brother Jim is going to be very successful at Stanford. But I think John Harbaugh is as close to a match to Tomlin as they could get.

QB: We got #7 who came in and led us to a 15-1 season as a rookie. And the Super Bowl in his second season. All they talk about in Baltimore is how Joe Faggo is like Ben Roethlisberger. In fact, in training camp Ray Lewis approached Faggo and asked, "Why can't you do for us what Roethlisberger did for Pittsburgh?"

NT: We have Fat Casey Hampton clogging up the middle and stifling the run game. They drafted Haloti Ngata to counter. My personal opinion is that Ngata is their best draft selection since Jon Ogden.

LB: For their Ray Lewis we have our Silverback. For their Terrell Suggs we have our LaMarr Woodley.

Safety: While they actually play different safety positions Ed Reed and Troy Polamalu are by far the best safeties in the league. Bob Sanders isn't even close. And the rest of the league isn't close to Sanders.

TE: For our Heath Miller, they have Todd Heap. A couple big country-strong guys with soft hands.

WR: To match our wily veteran, Hines Ward, they signed Derrick Mason. But I would be surprised to see Mason jacking up linebackers and defensive backs like Ward.

All across the field we have some edges in places, they have the edge in some places.

DC: The mad scientist Dick LeBeau is imitated at best by Buddy Ryan's boy over on the Ravens sideline. And he does a decent job at running some of LeBeau's schemes too.

OC: Big edge Ravens here. Cam Cameron has managed to make steak out of dog food while Bruce Arians has turned sirloin burger into dog shit for the Steelers. They are ahead of us here by a country mile. And this has me worried.

Fans: Big edge Steelers. They have learned a lot from us over the years although they are slow learners... and they still have quite a way to go to come close to us. They try to be like us in what they wear to games, how they act in the stadium, how they tailgate, almost everything. But they really do not have the overall football acumen of Steeler fans. You cannot really carry on a football intellectual conversation with any of their fans. Most of the football savvy people from Baltimore either switched allegiances to the Redskins, Eagles, Steelers or (stayed with the) Colts. But the Colts left town for good reason. Nobody, save for the Colts Marching Band, came to see them play. That won't happen again, they're modeling their team after us! But they'll never be us.

They want to be us. But that's just stupid.