This just in, Barry Bonds did not take illegal steroids. Stop talking about it already. Why did he gain 57 pounds of muscle and his head swelled up to the size of a good mellon? Gland problem. His gland started to act up about 3 months after Big Mac broke Roger Maris' record. Here are some other hot stories coming over the wire.....It WASN'T the Japanese that bombed Pearl Harbor, Bobby Knight DOESN'T have an anger management problem, T.O. ISN'T a media whore, Daunte Culpepper DIDN'T touch a stripper (he was playing dice), Pete Rose DIDN'T bet on baseball, Jerry Jones DIDN'T have plastic surgery, Ricky Williams DIDN'T smoke enough pot to get a small village higher than a kite, Paris Hilton ISN'T a slut, Oprah ISN'T really that fat, Rosie O'Donnel ISN'T really that big either....well, yeah she is.....
Ok, you get the point.....let's try to end on a really good one....
Richard Gere ISN'T really fruitier than a bowl of Fruity Pebbles.
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