FAN: Romeo Is Bleeding

Wow. Slantedamus is back in action. Even before the season started I nailed this one and then had these two very very early in the season. Look for Fan & Dog in the morning, soon to take over for Mike & Mike. Maybe he should go to Notre Dame and Charlie can come coach the Browns? Maybe Belimort should come back and prove his worth?

FAN: Elmer's Calls Shanahan

Why was this so shocking to everybody? The man has won 1 Division Title in the past 10 years. Give me a break. Terrel Davis was acting like The Pope got stabbed tonight on NFL Network. I say good riddance. My only concern is that the Browns hire him. Then, we'll have to look at his ugly puss twice a year for the near future. Hopefully he will go elsewhere....out to pasture? The glue factory? The headline possibilities are endless for this one. Anyone have a good one they want to share? Shanahan Horse Collared!

DOG: Crazy Doggone Hats

Hope everybody had a nice Christmas. Jeez, this place has been dead since I left for Christmas in Texas.

Anyway, I promised some photos in crazy hats which is indeed a family trait. So here is big Dog and little Dog on Christmas morning. In a grocery store full of Dallas Cowboy gear little Dog walked in wearing his new Steelers winter cap. Mission accomplished, so far. (It helped that the Cowgirls took it hard 44-6 from the Eagles to cement my proposition that the Cowgirls suck).

In case you might be wondering, I did not wear my Big Daddy jersey to the airport, just a throwback cap. However Mrs. Dog wore her new Steelers zip-up fleece hoodie. And while getting a sausage egg and cheese McMuffin at 6:45am in the DFW airport this morning. I had to wait in line behind a guy wearing an authentic #58 Jack Lambert jersey. We are everywhere.

Merry Christmas Holly & Joy

Joy Bisco

Holly Huddleson

Much like last year's Merry Christmas post, I wanted to do something similar this year...only this year instead of searching for random girls to display here, I decided I would key in Holly and Joy individually into Google Images and take a photo from the first page of returns. Not bad choices, right?

FAN: This Ends It

Now, please don't try to tell me I look more like Jimmy Walker than this little idiot from the boy band. Man, I was at my fighting weight in that picture! Any more Jimmy Walker photos get posted....as the admin I'm taking them down!!!!

DOG: Drinkin' TNT, Smokin' Dyn-o-mite!

Did Jimmie "JJ" Walker get into some of Michael Jackson's magic skin whitener and take up cigars?

Did Still A. Fan go to his company Christmas party in blackface?

FAN: Ho Ho Ho

But Stilladog, can you pull off a Santa hat while waiting in car line at elementary school? You know the men in our blood line have a penchant for silly hats.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

FAN: Who Would Play Fan?

Well, the options aren't good. "You look like Brad Pitt" is something I'm not used to hearing. They say everyone resembles a celebrity, but I can't think of one that I really look like. I've only ever been told I look like three people and I don't think I look like any of them. When Tom Green had his own show, someone said I looked like him. I don't think so. Then, someone I used to work with said I reminded her of Jeff Goldblum. When people who overheard her disagreed with her, she switched her tune to that I sounded like him and carried myself like him.....whatever that means. Lastly, and I'll never forget this, at either my daughter's first or second birthday party an old neighbor's daughter who was about 15 at the time told me that I looked like some dude in 98 Degrees....one of those "boy bands" that contained Nick and Drew Lachey. Quite an ego boost when a high school girl tells you that you look like a member of 98 Degrees at the advanced age of 32. Later that day when I looked up pictures of the band, my ego deflated like a balloon when I saw that the band contained 3 strapping young good-looking dudes and one geeky looking skinny dude. I've actually seen a picture of him before (Justin Jeffre) where I could have sent it to people as my own and it would have passed....but it was only that one and I can't find it. He was wearing a hockey jersey....maybe a Ranger's one. Still Moor, no references to MC Hammer please!!!!

FAN: Who Would Play Dog?

Without the hair, Don Novello does indeed look like the spitting image of Stilladog. Lose the hair on this picture and it could easily fool me. When Dog answered " Don Novello" to Still A While's question about who would play him in the DeepThroat movie - I shit you not - I said to myself "Don Novello? Who the hell is that? If he looks like anybody it's Father Guido Sarducci". I had no idea they were one and the same. Here is a picture of Stilladog that I posted a long time ago. He looks a little slimmer here and he's with Anna Kournakova on their wedding day. I can't find a picture of the Dog when he syncs up as well to this picture as I remember him. I'm guessing he has one from when the goat first started to look like it was dipped in white paint.....and without a baseball hat on.

DOG: Dock Ellis Dead

Sorry for being the grim reaper all the time around here. But Dock Ellis is a true piece of Pittsburgh sportslore whose passing should not go unreported here at Steel City Slant.

Dock Ellis was one of the wildest dudes ever to put on a uniform in any sport bearing the name Pittsbugh. I'll just list a few of the man's unforgettable deeds and allow other old Pirate fans so supply some of their memories in the comments.

• Dock Ellis once pitched a no-hitter high on LSD.
• Dock Ellis once hit 4 of the first 5 batsmen he faced in a game against the Reds.
• Dock Ellis was one of the best pitchers we had when we won the 1971 World Series.
• Dock Ellis was notorious for buying hot dogs (and eating them) from ballpark vendors near the bullpen on days when he wasn't scheduled to pitch.
• Dock Ellis and Willie Stargell sometimes attended Steeler games together back at old Pitt Stadium.
• Who can ever forget the knucklehead working his afro-do in curlers?

Happy Trails, Dock!

DOG: Disrespecting The Towel

On a day when Bruce Arians continued his idiotic play calling coupled with QB play which wasn't great and offensive line play that was just awful. The story is not so much how the Stillers sucked. But what lies in store for the Titans.

The Steelers looked tired and beat. And after the stretch of tough games we've had, I was tired as a fan too. Looked to me like Dick LeBeau played a very vanilla, pre-seasonlike defense too. Yesterday's game does not have me worried. I trust that Mike Tomlin can get the boys back on track for a playoff run. But if I was a Titans fan I'd be very worried.

Lendale White stomped on a Terrible Towel on the sideline and Jevon Kearse blew his nose into one. Do these knuckleheads not watch football on TV? Did they not see what happened to the Bengals when TJ Houshurmamma buffed his shoes with a Terrible Towel after a Bengals win in '05? Mark my words, evil will befall them.

I guess the Titans just got mad because of how Stiller fans overtook their stadium with the towels yesterday. But that was like signing a death warrant. Just stupid. Although if you noticed, the towel White desecrated was not a "real" terrible towel at all. It was a bootleg ripoff of one. That stupid ass didn't even get a real towel to use for his stunt. Oh, karma is going to be a bitch.

FAN: 18 For 29 Will Not Work

Where is Danny Kreider? Where is Jon Witman? Where is Tim Lester? Actually, where is anybody? I see enough burst out of Willie Parker to not think he's injured. I see Mewelde Moore snap off some decent runs. What I rarely see is a bruising fullback hitting the hole first and knocking a linebacker on their ass. Today's running game was a joke. This season's running game is a joke. Something needs to be fixed. I don't think we should rest anyone next week - at least for the first half. I'd like to see us run 10 times in a row on the first drive. Our ground game is in shambles. Why we continue to run with no help is beyond me. We have 4 wide receivers out there and then we run. We run out of multiple TE sets and I don't think it's working. I'd rather see 1 or 2 and a fullback in the backfield. Running the ball is about attitude and execution. We have the commitment, obviously, because we continue to run Willie into the middle of the pile without an escort. What you're basically telling me is that our offensive line can't pass block.....and they can't run block. For the second year in a row, they are our Achilles heel and we really didn't do anything to address it besides swapping a less than mediocre center for a slightly better than average center. I don't care one bit about losing the game today. I didn't expect to be the #2 seed before the season began so I'll take it. Also, this game pointed out that we may not be as good as we've been thinking for the past 3 weeks and it will keep us honest. Can we beat the Titans? Absolutely. Jesus, they were so afraid to throw against us all they did sans one pass was allow Collins to throw short and outside all day. It's been a long time since we were leading with 5 minutes to go in the 3rd quarter and then end up losing. I want to run. We need to run. What we can't do is continue to run the plays Arians is sending in. Instead of a Wide Recievers coach being our OC, I liked it much better when a TE was....and that's church.

FAN: Slanted Captions

What Tony The Tiger Eats For Breakfast
"Ok...bacon? Check. Eggs? Eggs....where did I put the eggs...."

DOG: The Death of Deep Throat

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Slanted #61

DOG: Here We Go Cowgirls!

There's a Saturday night NFL game this week which 70% of NFL fans will be unable to see because it's on their stupid NFL Network. But it's a very important game with playoff implications in both conferences. It's between the Baltimore Shitbirds and the Dallas Cowgirls. And it will be the final game in old Texas Stadium in Irving, TX.

As much as I detest the Cowgirls, I absolutely loathe the Shitbirds. Therefore I will be rooting for Dallas all the way. Hoping the ghosts of famous Cowgirls past will rise up to smote the evil Shitbirds. Tom Landry, Bob Lilly, Bob Hayes, Roger Staubach, Danny White, Too Tall Jones, and Tony Dorsett, built their reputations here. Some of them Hall of Fame reputations. They must help the new Cowgirls protect their house. For the first time, since Eddie LeBaron was their QB, I'm going to see what it's like to root for America's Team.

We have no magic left in this stadium. We last played and won there in 2004, in a game where Ben Roethlisberger cemented his place in my mind as "our QB for a long time." And that's the last time the Terrible Towel waved in Texas Stadium. So us Stiller fans will just have to watch this one (if you can find NFL Network anywhere).

But fear not Stiller fans. While the new Dallas stadium nearby is still under construction, the Terrible Towel has already taken it's place there. Yes sir, we already own that stadium. As the above photo shows, Steeler Nation is indeed everywhere. So here's to you Texas Stadium, time for us to move on. But you still have one more opponent to vanquish. Thanks for some great football.

(Yes, the accompanying photo was taken in 2007 during construction of the new Dallas stadium. It is the first Terrible Towel to be waved in that venue... but it won't be the last!)

FAN: Three Dollar Bill, Y'All

This must be the recording studio for rap MUZAK. It's enough to make you think the dude from Best In Show and The Breakup is in on a hidden camera show. He's a dead ringer for the conductor. I don't know many things, but I think I know funny. This, is funny.

DOG: "Slingin' Sammy" Baugh Dead at 94

The greatest football player to ever step foot upon the gridiron passed away yesterday at his West Texas ranch. Like my father, he didn't die of anything in particular. To quote Baugh's son, "He just finally wore out."

I never saw Sammy Baugh play. His NFL career spanned the years 1937-1952. I've seen film of Sammy Baugh though and he was a more amazing player for that era than anything I have ever witnessed with my own eyes.

He was a skinny wiry guy with a thick Texas drawl. I remember hearing him talk one time about playing against the Steelers and Ernie Stautner in particular. He said, "I played for Washington and we played Pittsburgh pretty often. Whether we was going up there or they was coming down to our place, the games was always the same. Most times we'd win the game and they'd put about 4 or 5 of our guys in the hospital."

Sammy Baugh was an All-American at TCU and led them to Sugar Bowl and Cotton Bowl wins and a National Championship. You will recall in one of my first articles on this blog that I wrote about the Single Wing formation and it's profound impact on football today. In that article I mentioned Coach Dutch Meyer of TCU and his innovative use of passing plays from the Single Wing. Well, guess who the quarterback of Dutch Meyer's TCU teams that invented the Single Wing passing attack was. That's right, Sammy Baugh. In fact, it was a Ft. Worth sportswriter who nicknamed him "Slingin' Sammy" (for his baseball skills!). Baugh was to Meyer what Jim Thorpe was to Glen "Pop" Warner. To quote Meyer, he was "the greatest athlete I ever saw."

After college he did a short stint as a calf roper in the Rodeo and signed a Triple-A contract to play baseball with the St. Louis Cardinals. But he only hit .220 and decided football would be the way to get enough money to buy his own ranch.

Sammy Baugh was the Redskins #1 draft choice in 1936 and the NFL game was never the same. Baugh brought with him the ability to throw a football better than anyone in the game. It was the beginning of the bona fide passing attack in professional football.

He led the Redskins to the NFL Title in his rookie season of 1937 and again in 1942. He was also the losing QB in the most lopsided NFL Title game ever played. That being the 1940 NFL Championship game where George Halas' Chicago Bears defeated Baugh's Redskins 73-0.

He was an all-Pro 9 times in his NFL career. And for as good of a passer as he was, he was the consummate all-around football player. In 1943 he led the NFL in passing, punting, and interceptions. He once threw for 4 TDs and intercepted 4 passes in a single game. He threw for 6 TDs in a game twice. And most amazing to me is that he still holds the single season record for punting average of 51.4 yards per kick which he set in 1940. Oh yeah, he led the NFL in passing 6 times. And for playing in an era when passing was minimal, he still holds the Washington Redskins record for career TD passes (187) and season completion percentage (70.3).

Baugh was the last surviving member of the inaugural class of Pro Football Hall of Fame inductees.

FAN: They Might Come

So, over the past 3 days, we actually had a healthy percentage increase in readership. CLose to 60% more on Monday and Tuesday and 100% increase today. Cool. If you sent links out - thanks! If you didn't, may the spit of three drooling dalmations make it's way onto your pillow tonight while you sleep. Now, the funniest and coolest thing I noticed about the web hits was this....a Google search for "Haluski origin" landed here at The Slant. I wanted to see where we landed on the actual Google page so I clicked the link....BAM!....we're second. Yes folks, if you ever search Google for "Haluski Origin", your second choice will be Stilladog's article about his vast Haluski knowledge. This actually gives me an idea. Obviously there isn't a webpage dedicated to the origins of Haluski. Should one start one, and pepper it with Haluski references and photos so aptly named....it should garner sufficient hits to make money from Google AdSense. You don't even have to host the site....just create a Haluski Blog.....Blogluski!

Dog Etiquitte by Stilladog

Cute Foo-FooHandsome Gator

A comment poster used a picture of his mom's boxer as his avitar on one of my earlier topic posts. And Still A. While said he was "cute" just like a certain lame-leg QB from New England who she refused to name because she knew I'd be all over it like fleas on a hound. But he was not cute. He was handsome. So here's the truth about dogs:

Male dogs are not cute, they are handsome.
Female dogs are not cute, they are beautiful.


Some dogs (like many people) are neither handsome nor beautful nor cute.


Foo-Foo dogs are cute but, in my opinion, they are undesirable as pets. For instance, you cannot expect a Foo-Foo dog to protect your property from the ravages of ground hogs, opossums, rabbits, moles, squirrels, and snakes. Fortunately there are many many people who do not share my opinion of Foo-Foo dogs. And that's fine because Foo-Foos need good homes too.


The handsome Dalmatian pictured above is my late great Florida Alligator Dog known as "Gator."


The white foo-foo dog is an example of cute... does resemble Tom Brady doesn't she?

FAN: Jesus, Joseph and Mary

This is funny. My cousin (ever notice how many stories contain cousins?) up in Patriots land has a five-year-old boy. He's gonna be a heart breaker - a real cool little dude. She recently told this story: They were hanging up the Christmas cards that they received so far this year. Most of them are photo cards so that's what he expects most cards to be. As she hung the card up they got from their priest, which contained Jesus, Joseph and Mary, he said "Why did the God Father send us a card? Is that him with his baby?" No, that's a picture of Jesus, Joseph and Mary. After thinking a second he said "Well, it doesn't look very Christmas-y to me....". How funny is that? I must have told 10 people that story today and each of them laughed. My cousin's response? "I guess we will need to review Linus' speech.....AGAIN." I think it's hilarious that he calls the priest "The God Father". There is no doubt about it, the family snark gene is strong. Strong indeed. I picture my Grandfather in heaven as a Ben Kenobi type nodding his approval and saying "the (insert family name here) is strong with this one". I have, oh, about 97 stories to prove the Soysauce is strong with the 9 year old living under my roof...... And I wouldn't have it any other way. If I had $1 for every time Mrs. Fan says "you are SO much like your dad" I'd actually have some money in my money clip.

FAN: Lame Duck My Ass

I don't know about you, but I'm sick of hearing about President Bush being a "lame duck" President. I watched that clip of him on YouTube about 20 times and he's a damn good ducker. At minimum he's better than Lincoln and Kennedy. If he could duck questions like he ducks shoes, maybe his legacy wouldn't be tarnished. If anyone should be criticized here it's the Secret Service. How on Earth did this dude get off the second shoe? I mean, I'm sure he took it off prior to the incident, but how did he have time to throw both of them? Trust me, his feet probably smelled of salami. The dudes sitting around him had to know something was up. I am sick and tired of these Arabs messing up American shoe etiquette. First Richard Reid tried to take down a commercial flight by lighting his shoes and now this assclown tries to take out the President with his. Yet, it's ME who has to take off his shoes just to board a plane. I don't light mine. I don't throw mine. Mine don't stink.....yes ladies, I have about 200 miles on my newest pair of Asics Nebulus....and the only thing they smell like is new shoes. It must be a gift passed on to me from Still A Dad. Now, I can't say the same thing about my breath in the morning or my armpits after a day or two of not showering, but the feet.....they don't stink. There will be those of you reading this who know who I mean when I say Still A Belly. Still A Belly could take his shoes off sitting a good 10 feet away from you and within a minute, a cloud of disgust would envelope you into gagging. Seriously. If he happens to read this, I guess I'm off the Christmas Card list but that seems to be the trend this year anyway. It's the economy stupid! Well, either that or I continue to piss people off at a colossal rate. Either way, let's get back to the shoes. Were they steel toed? Were they slip-ons? Were they leather? Can I buy them on Pakastani Ebay yet? Will they be featured at The Smithsonian, or will they be featured at the Nunn Bush museum. Nunn Bush. Nunn Bush? Get it? You people have no sole. Ok, I'm a heel.

DOG: Not Gay. But Definitely Queer.

There's a new radio ad being broadcast (probably as a public service message or if not, sponsored by Boy Butter) telling folks how wrong it is to use the phrase "That's so gay." Perhaps you've heard it.

Now I am guilty of using that phrase in both the written and spoken word. So when I ran across the above photo I swore not to title this topic "How Gay Is This?" See, I'm getting the subliminal message from the radio spot. Plus some of those guys look like pretty rough hombres (with the emphasis on pretty).

So I'm saying this goes beyond gay, which we all know means happy and gleeful. This photo is downright queer... which as we all know means odd or unusual... and sometimes other things.

Nonetheless, I find it appropriate that the Baltimore Ravens sponsor a bunch of nice fellas like this. Don't you?

FAN: Where Did Ray Go?

Wow, just like last night, Ray Lewis disappears right before your eyes!

FAN: A Word From Our Sponsor

Let's make a push. One of the reasons I invited Stilladog to write articles at will was because I was getting a little bored with the site. My posts slowed down as I got busy and like Dog said - I was a little lite on Steelers commentary even when I did post. Well, with the men of steel winning the first 3 of an insane 4 game stretch, now we can't shut up about them! What we witnessed Sunday at 7:00 PM could be considered "The Drive" of Pittsburgh nomenclature...Denver can Suck It. What I'm suggesting is more debate...more commentary...and not just from the locals. Let's see if we can set a new daily norm for readers and sustain it. If you read The Slant periodically and think your friends might enjoy it - send them the link. If you have a site of your own - add us. We'll shamelessly plug you as well. Let's get every Yinzer we know involved in a good 'ole Steeler Football roundtable where we can bitch, moan, brag and praise our favorite passtime. And like I said, if you want to guest post (Still A While!) write something up and send it to me. We'd love to have some different voices participating.

DOG: 92 Yards & A Touchdown!

I did not listen to the Monday morning call-in radio show where Shitbird fans weekly show their ignorace for the game of football. I can predict the weeping and wailing, bitching and moaning, crying and whining going on over our airwaves. I know what they are saying. I hear it every time they lose and particularly when they lose to the team they aspire to be, the Stillers.

The topic of the day will be "But, it wasn't a touchdown." Sub-topic will be "The refs gave them the game."

But here's the facts.

• We drove 92 yards down the field against the #2 defense in the NFL and put the ball in the end zone on a day when touchdowns appeared to be impossible... with time running out.


• It was a touchdown and here's why. As soon as the ball hits Holmes hands, the catch is secured. It just stuck there with no hesitation, no bobbling the ball. It was a clean reception the moment the ball touched his hands. And at that point, the ball was also touching the goal line. He further secured the ball to his body and then fell back into the field of play. Ball over the plane, check. Ball securely caught, check. Both feet down in the end zone, check. TOUCHDOWN.

Now if the Baltimore fans want to complain about the officiating, they should go back to the stuff of Russell on third and one. On that play the refs gave us a first down which Harbaugh challenged and lost. But I did not see the ball advance far enough for a first down. We did get lucky on that one.

Alas, that's the way it goes in football these days. How many times was James Harrison held yesterday with not one call? The bad/missed calls go both ways. Eventually you just hope they even out over the course of a game.

Bottom line here is that the vaunted Raven Defense (led by the murdering thug himself, Ray Lewis) could not stop our pathetic offense once in Ninety-Two Yards with the game on the line.

Arians must have been reading the blog as he actually attempted the high pass to Spaeth that Fan recommended last week. Although the big goof Spaeth was neither in the end zone nor in possesion of the ball.

The Cowboys thought 52 minutes of football was enough. It was not. The Ravens learned that 57 minutes is not enough either.

AFC North Champions for what that's worth. Got to keep chopping that wood... this week in Tennessee. Here We Go!

FAN: Another Close One

Have you ever seen worse punting coming from our guys? Not since Josh Miller drew the ire of Bill Cowher in his early years have our punters sucked so bad. What a game today. I expected to win and I knew it would be a close game but geez......my family thinks I'm crazy and the cats are afraid of me. I'm convinced even if they didn't rule the play a touchdown - Ben was going to sneak it the last inch on the next play.I don't even have many random musings. I think we had way too many drops. Had they not dropped so many passes in key situations, maybe that play is insignificant. Ben really took over in the 4th quarter. He's really learned how to win games. Another thing I'll say is that we need to use a little less clock in the normal flow of the game. Too many times we're snapping the ball on zero. That's fine with a decent lead but even then I'd rather be hiking the ball at 2, unless that's by design to go at 0 to reduce the effect of the crowd noise. Even though Sepulveda didn't set the world on fire last year - I can't wait for him to come back. He didn't have too many 28 yard punts when punting from his own 20. I was pleasantly surprised by the number of 4+ yard runs. Willie even popped off a few 7+ yarders. I can't wait to hear the Raven's fans complain about the call. When we give you the ball on the 15 and you can't put it in the endzone....don't blame the game on this one call. From the sideline view, I saw two feet down, two hands on the ball and a millimeter of the ball over the plane. Touchdown.

FAN: Colors

I'm going Christmas shopping tomorrow....by myself. Need to buy some stuff for the ladies in my life. Oh....and what shall I wear....hmmmmmm. I think it's a beautiful day to wear my jersey (Polamalu over Roethlisberger as I want to wear black). I think I'll top that off with my white beenie Steelers ski hat. Nothing worse for the Eagle, Redskin, Giant and Jets fans where I'm going. I won't see any Ravens fans though. I don't think there are any after getting 60 miles away from Baltimore. I'll Hi-Five all Yinzers identified through garb. I'll smile politley at all others not wearing purple.....and laugh at anyone with big blue stars....Sorry, Still A Boom!!

FAN: Sauced

So we went out with neighbors tonight. Three couples. The six of us have seven kids combined. Yup, the other couples have three each. They need to go out more than we do! We're actually to the point where we do go out more often these days. I had a nice rare filet tonight. Yum. Wasn't even done mooing. After dinner we had the group back to our place where we used the bar and had dessert. Mrs. Fan made a nice carrot cake. The men folk retired to the game room and cracked open a nice bottle of Drambuie. I've never had it before, but they are marketing it rather heavily on The Howard Stern Show. It's also appearing in ads in some of the magazines I read. I decided to try it. We had it with Ginger Ale and an orange slice. Got the recipe off of their website. It's good. Only three of us were dinking it and there isn't much left. I'm not used to drinking that much anymore and I had a few beers with dinner. I might have to add it as a bar staple as it was pretty good. I almost opened a bottle of Remy Martin which The Dog turned me on to over 10 years ago but I decided to save it until he goes North again....or until I go South again. Either way, I'll drink it with him. Drinking really isn't about the drink, it's about the company.

DOG: Steeler Envy

The Baltimore Ravens fans say they hate us and our team. Not true at all. They envy us. They want to be like us. Hell, they'd crawl up our collective asses and BE us if they could.

They envy our QB. And it absolutely galls them that they were the ones who took Tommy Maddox out of the game thus launching the career of Ben Roethlisberger. How long would it have taken Cowher to make that move on his own??

Their entire team is structured to emulate the Steelers. And who can blame them? The road to the AFC North title runs thru Pittsburgh every year and they damn well know it. And there ain't nothing they can do about it. Been that way since before they turned their orange and brown uniforms in for the monkey-puke purple ones they wear today.

Let's take a look and you will see that Sunday's game will be a tough one not because these teams have a sincere dislike for one another, but because they are so similar.

Coach: We hired the ultra-professional Mike Tomlin. To counter, they fired buffoon Billick and hired the most professional coach they could find, John Harbaugh. His father was extremely successful at Western Kentucky for just about forever. And before long his brother Jim is going to be very successful at Stanford. But I think John Harbaugh is as close to a match to Tomlin as they could get.

QB: We got #7 who came in and led us to a 15-1 season as a rookie. And the Super Bowl in his second season. All they talk about in Baltimore is how Joe Faggo is like Ben Roethlisberger. In fact, in training camp Ray Lewis approached Faggo and asked, "Why can't you do for us what Roethlisberger did for Pittsburgh?"

NT: We have Fat Casey Hampton clogging up the middle and stifling the run game. They drafted Haloti Ngata to counter. My personal opinion is that Ngata is their best draft selection since Jon Ogden.

LB: For their Ray Lewis we have our Silverback. For their Terrell Suggs we have our LaMarr Woodley.

Safety: While they actually play different safety positions Ed Reed and Troy Polamalu are by far the best safeties in the league. Bob Sanders isn't even close. And the rest of the league isn't close to Sanders.

TE: For our Heath Miller, they have Todd Heap. A couple big country-strong guys with soft hands.

WR: To match our wily veteran, Hines Ward, they signed Derrick Mason. But I would be surprised to see Mason jacking up linebackers and defensive backs like Ward.

All across the field we have some edges in places, they have the edge in some places.

DC: The mad scientist Dick LeBeau is imitated at best by Buddy Ryan's boy over on the Ravens sideline. And he does a decent job at running some of LeBeau's schemes too.

OC: Big edge Ravens here. Cam Cameron has managed to make steak out of dog food while Bruce Arians has turned sirloin burger into dog shit for the Steelers. They are ahead of us here by a country mile. And this has me worried.

Fans: Big edge Steelers. They have learned a lot from us over the years although they are slow learners... and they still have quite a way to go to come close to us. They try to be like us in what they wear to games, how they act in the stadium, how they tailgate, almost everything. But they really do not have the overall football acumen of Steeler fans. You cannot really carry on a football intellectual conversation with any of their fans. Most of the football savvy people from Baltimore either switched allegiances to the Redskins, Eagles, Steelers or (stayed with the) Colts. But the Colts left town for good reason. Nobody, save for the Colts Marching Band, came to see them play. That won't happen again, they're modeling their team after us! But they'll never be us.

They want to be us. But that's just stupid.

DOG: Who Sucks?

Q: What's the difference between Tony Homo and Linda Lovelace?

A: They both suck but only Tony CHOKES!

FAN: How Do You Lose Acting Chops?

At one point, though I'm not sure exactly when, Kevin Bacon was an A-List bankable star. Not sure when that star lost it's shine, but he hasn't carried a movie as a star in a long ass time. By checking IMDB it looks like the last hit he had as a star was "He Said, She Said" from 1991. Yes, it's been that long. He's been in other hits in supporting roles and that's where he now belongs. He was excellent in "A Few Good Men" which is one of my favorites. He nailed that part. Now he needs to play his bit parts and fade away. Why do I say that? Because he robbed me of 90 minutes tonight. I was paging through the movie channels before doing something more constructive and I landed on a movie from 2007 called "Death Sentence". Bacon stars and flops.....BIG-time. I picked it up 25 minutes in and after watching 5 minutes I couldn't stop watching.......because it was that bad. Oh my God does this movie suck. I mean, of all the movies that suck, this one is one of the suckiest. I watched "I Know Who Killed Me" or something with Lindsey Lohan recently and I thought a movie couldn't get much worse than that. Well, check this one out. The other weird thing going on is that Kevin is turning into Chris Cooper right before our eyes! Cooper is one of the best character actors you can hire right now. He's tremendous in any role you put him in. Go check out his credits. I've been a fan of his since 1999's "American Beauty". John Malkovich could have starred in this turd and it would have been a turd. Bacon's acting skills are now the equivalent of a 3rd grader playing a cloud in a school play. It's sad. I'll never be able to watch "Diner" again.

FAN: I Thought We Rode

I watched Inside The NFL tonight on Showtime and they showed a clip of the Dolphins game. After the game in the locker room, Joey Porter was doing the "Who Ride? We Ride" chant that I thought was a Steeler thing. I know he always did it and the most famous clip has thugged out Tyrone Carter in it....but if you change teams....shouldn't you come up with something new? A locker room of pansies doing the "We Ride" chant......great. Maybe they should try "Who Walks? We Walk", or "Who Jogs? We Jog" or even the ever popular "Who Skips? We Skip", just leave the ride out of it, mmmm'K?

FAN: Time For The Rumors

This one sounds plausible as they share a "man love" for each other. However, I still think he's just waiting for the Carolina job. It's not going to be next year though unless they lose by 30 points in their first playoff game.

FAN: Hey Coldplay, Suck It

Howard Stern was talking about this today. He played Coldplay's "song" over Satriani's and you literally couldn't tell where one stopped and one started. It's the same speed, in the same key. I have some Satriani on my iPod and I swear every time I hear that Coldplay song (which isn't often because I don't listen to the radio much - and if I do it's Sirius and on a channel that doesn't play Coldplay) I feel like I've heard it before. Check this out from YouTube. Gotta love these Johnny Come Lately Idiot bands. Pretty proud to say that I can't even name a Coldplay song.

FAN: More Game Musings

The luckiest man in the Stillers locker room yesterday? Mike Tomlin. Can you believe the call to not kick the field goal? For all that is good and holy, I can't get my head around the decision. We have floundered like a rainbow trout on the shores of the Youghiogheny River on 3rd and 4th short distance situations this year. I'll admit Russell has been doing an OK job lately, but for the year, we stink. Especially near the goal line. Especially when we run up the middle. So, what do we do? We run up the middle and get stuffed like a Thanksgiving Turkey. How about some play action? How about a fall down "block" by a tight end only to stand up and go in uncovered for a pass? How about, How about, How about........ I didn't like the call to go for it and I liked the play call even less. Now....all that being said, I criticized Bill Cowher plenty of times for kicking FGs when I thought he should go for it, but there is no way you criticize kicking the FG here. Sure, you can agree with trying to score the TD, but on the same note, you can't criticize taking the 3 when you need 10. His only excuse could be lack of confidence in Skippy Skeeve. Maybe he saw something in his kicker where he doubted him but I don't think that's the case. I think he got caught up in the action and wanted to vote with his heart instead of his head. No harm, no foul. Other things I remember from the game: As soon as I heard the announcers say there was a fight, I knew to look for Anthony Smith. I wish he'd get cut next year. He's a hothead. He's proven it time and time and time again. Ben is very elusive back there. I've never seen a guy that big be so elusive. He literally buys double time in the pocket which is good......but he'll also never have the "thousand-three" clock in his head that tells him to get rid of the ball. If we ant the occassional big play downfield off of a broken play, we'll have to live with the sacks. Trying to be tough with the cold backfired for Homo. He's not tough enough for that. You'd think being coached by The Michilin Man maybe he could have borrowed his coat on the sidelines. I thought Dallas did an awful lot of woofing and walking on defense after making pretty normal plays. Not sure about you, but I wish Ike Taylor would stop doing his little "window washer" move with his hand after he makes a play. It's annoying. Act like you were supposed to make the play, Ike. Along those lines, Santonio Holmes is starting to celebrate a bit much for my liking as well. Troy and Silverback don't celebrate their stellar plays, we don't need Ike Taylor doing it. Casey Hampton looksmad. He's turning it up a notch. I like it. Speaking of Holmes, why did he fair catch the one punt? Oh well......I simply want to destroy the Ravens this weekend.

DOG: Old Man DeShea Comes Through!

DeShea Townsend is one of the oldest Steelers on the roster. In his case, wisdom comes with age. He knew Tony Homo was bound to choke with the game on the line (like he ALWAYS does) and DeShea took advantage. And we got a huge win. Game notes follow:

• Homo didn't choke. The Cowboys just couldn't take any more December Pittsburgh weather. He intentionally threw that ball for an interception to get back in the warm locker room, winning the game be damned.


• Championship teams win games against good opponents even when they don't play their best.


• If we win the Super Bowl it will be because our players can overcome our opponents best efforts and Bruce Arians. If we lose, it will be because of Bruce Arians alone.


• If James Harrison isn't defensive player of the year, Troy Polamalu is.


• Where was Hines Ward yesterday?


• Can you believe the improvement on our kick coverage teams? Complete 180.


• Santonio Holmes came up big yesterday with a 37 yard punt return and a 47 yard pass reception.


• T.O. is an idiot. Who would ever want him on their team? He catches a TD and he's yapping at Ike Taylor. Heath Miller scores a TD and he's screaming at his coach.


• William Gay shut down Roy Williams... cold.


• Does Tony Homo throw passes with the cheeks of his ass? He was more worried about getting his buttocks within 4 inches of the heater than anything else yesterday. I guess that's why they call him Tony Homo.


• Just imagine if Ike Taylor could catch. He'd have 6 interceptions every year.


• Great win. Total team effort.


• On to Baltimore and KO Ed Reed and Ray Lewis. Time to shut those barking dogs up. They have become a neighborhood nuisance.

FAN: Worst and Best of Saturday

Let me begin this rant by saying that you'll be hard-pressed to find another male my age that gets more "up" for Christmas. I listen to Christmas Tunes from Thanksgiving through New Year's, I actually look forward to putting lights up outside my house, I handle the Christmas cards for my family, I watch all the "old school" Christmas Specials with my daughter so she'll appreciate the classics and I really honestly try to buy people gifts that I think they'll like....not just what's on sale. As I'm typing this, I'm listening to Trans-Siberian Orchestra and we just got done watching "Elf" for the 37th time. I like Christmas. Ya Feel Me? Well, yesterday.....not so much. A group of our friends from our church and daughter's school had planned to go to New York City. One of the ladies organizes trips and she had a bus for a 40+ person party and tickets for the Christmas Spectacular at Radio City Music Hall. We weren't going to the show as we had other things we wanted to get in. We were to meet at the school at 7:30 AM for a 7:45 departure. When we got there, it took a couple of minutes to figure out, but the bus wasn't there and the hostess was away from us on the phone. Uh-Oh. Not a good sign. She came over to us teary-eyed and we felt really bad for her as she's one of the nicest people on the planet. It seems the bus company that she's used the last 3 years for this trip mistakenly put down the date from last year's trip as the date for this year's trip which would be Monday, not Saturday, and she even called to confirm a few days ago. They had a bus, but they didn't have a driver. I offered to drive, but nobody seemed real excited at that prospect. As the start time of the show loomed large, the group decided to trek up to Trenton NJ where we could catch a direct train in. The drive is about 45 minutes to Trenton. So, with everyone not knowing exactly where to go, Mr. Hostess booked back to his house and printed out copies of directions for everyone. Luckily, we had GPS with us so we left. Some folks didn't have enough gas to get there so there were splinter groups everywhere headed up to Trenton. When we got there, of course the lot was full so we had to go to another pay lot. It was at this point that my daughter figured out she couldn't take her bag with her that she was going to leave on our chartered bus. It had a blanket, some sketch pads....stuff like that. Oh Well. We got inside and Mr. Hostess was already in line buying 40-something roundtrip tickets to NYC as they felt horrible about the bus. They also had tons of snacks, wine and beer for the bus that we couldn't take on the train.
We made the next train which took just over an hour to get to the city and gave the folks going to the show about 25 minutes to get to Radio City Music Hall. This actually worked out for us because now we could stay later than the departure time of the bus which was 5 PM. Instead of having 7 hours in the city.....we now had all day. We didn't need to be back until the last train. Now the fun just really starts. I had my Crackberry set to Google Maps and we had a portable GPS, but I had our day mapped out in my head and it was to start at 42nd street bus station....not Penn Station at 31st and 7th. Our first stop was Times Square so we had 10 blocks to walk and that doesn't count the two I started in the wrong direction making it essentially 14. Nice. As we neared where Broadway and 7th intersect, the crowds became unbearable. You literally couldn't stop walking. If you did, you'd get run over. They had 2 cops at every road in each intersection making 8 cops per. If it wasn't for the cops, the cars wouldn't be able to move. It was crazy. I put my daughter between us and I lead the way. I worked in Center City Philadelphia for 5 years, but the busiest parts of Philly at lunch were nothing like this. Nothing. It was a crush of humanity. It was taking significant time to just go one block. We ducked into Toys R Us. What a mess. There was no place to stand. We got in line for the Ferris Wheel, but it was sold out for the next hour. It looked like the inside of an ant farm in the store. I'm not sure how you could even shop. We saw the Barbie life size dollhouse and left. We ducked into a slightly less busy Swatch store and enjoyed the space for a while.....even bought a really cool watch for princess. I got my bearings as we were headed up to Top of The Rock next. We went back out into the mess and started walking again. I can't emphasize enough how crowded it was. If you hesitated for 1/10 second 5 people got between you and your party. It was a madhouse. 30 Rock was cool and we bought our tickets the night before online, but literally, it's a $60 elevator ride for 3. It was a pretty clear 38-40 degree day so the views were good...but 70 floors up, it's crisp. We came down and checked our time as we had reservations with friends at American Girl Place. We went out to the plaza to check the Ice Rink wait.....over an hour. We snapped pics of the tree and the skaters and then tried to leave the crowd behind. I swear to the dude born on Christmas that you didn't have 1 foot of free space in any direction from you. We had 30 minutes to spare so we went to St. Patrick's Cathedral which was right there. Again, I felt like cattle going to slaughter. We waited in a line to light a candle and walk past the nativity scene...which was nothing special other than being semi life-sized. I checked my map and headed to the land of dolls. We passed another huge line and discovered it was for Saks window displays. I was glad it wasn't for American Girl Place......until I saw the line for American Girl Place. Jesus, Joseph and Mary. I swear to Buddha there were over 150 people in front of us. Everyone said it moved fast. As people came out they let people in. The entrance is on the long block sides and it was over half a block long. When we got in, it was worse than Toys R Us. Not even sure how you could see anything. We immediately went up to the 4th floor and checked in for dining. When I saw the guy of the family we were eating with.....he looked beat up. He has 3 girls. I don't know how he could keep tabs on all 3 in the store, let alone on the street. I turned me head once and I lost my 2 much shorter family members. It's insane. The had security at the top of every escalator. I don't know how they make any money in their stores with the amount of workers they have. I told my wife there must have been 150 employees working. I'm not kidding. Don;t even get me started on the cost of the food or what it consisted of. It was at this point that we decided we had had enough. It was about 4:00 PM. We had been in NYC for 5 hours and it seemed like 50. My daughter wanted to get her doll's hair done. We went to the spa and checked the wait.....1 hour 20 minutes. We should have checked her in before eating but we didn't know you could do that. Disappointed again, we left the store. We contemplated taking a cab as we were now on 49th and 5th...needing to go to 31st and 7th. Ugh. We decided to walk back. That lasted about the length of one long block where I was touched by about 64 strangers and I hailed a cab. It was princess' first cab ride and it was everything you hear about. Fast. Furious. Reckless. Couldn't understand a damn word the guy said. Not even sure where he was from. To go the 18 short blocks took about 3 minutes and the fare was only $4.90. Here's $10, Merry Freaking Christmas. Whatever he said back he was very Happy. Now we just had to walk the 2 long blocks as their was gridlock traffic and I didn't want to change a $5 fare into $20 with the wait. We at least had space to maneuver down there as the crowds were all in Times Square.....until we go to the NJ Transit portion of the trains. When they announced Trenton, the entire world stood up to go to track 13. Another crush of humanity. I again put my daughter between us and you didn't have to think about moving. The crowd was moving us. I could see fear in my daughter's face and I didn't like it. Mind you, these are families just like us trying to get into the correct tunnel. The next train was in 14 minutes. You weren't going to turn into a pumpkin or a pillar of salt if you didn't make this train. We finally got through the doorway and there was the double-decker train awaiting us. Most doors were already closed. We found one with a few empty seats but they weren't together. I had 2 young guys move their stuff off of two unoccupied seats for my wife and daughter. They were 4 seats facing each other in a corner. I had a guy right behind them move his stuff so I could sit with him and he wasn't happy about it. After thinking about it, and seeing how uncomfortable my daughter was.....I again stood up and asked the two guys to trade seats with me and this dude so I could sit with my family. They seemed reluctant at first, I have no idea why, and then I was like "come on guys, I want to sit with my daughter" so they agreed. So, what was the good part of Saturday? We were home at 7:30, in the snow, sitting in the hot tub at a nice 102 degrees. My daughter said something very poignant at that point....."Can you believe just 3 hours ago the mess we were in?". Very astute. No, baby, I can't. Mark this down....I will never, ever.......ever........go back to New York after Thanksgiving. I want to go back for sure, but not to the tourist trap that is Times Square. F That. I was just at Disney in April and I never once feared getting separated from my child. I clutched her hand yesterday like Rosie O'Donnell clutching a Klondike bar. I was very uncomfortable and like I said, I'm fairly used to navigating urban areas on foot. I have no idea how older couples from Iowa do it. I really don't. New York for Christmas? Bah Effing Humbug.

DOG: We Must Beat The Cowgirls!

Looking at our remaining games, I'd say this Sunday's matchup against the Dallas Cowgirls is no more than the 3rd most important of our remaining 4 games. Baltimore, breathing down our neck is a division rival and is by far the most important of the 4. Tennessee leading the Conference would be second. And Dallas third simply by virtue of the fact that the Cleveland Browns are, well, the Cleveland Browns. Except for one very important thing...

My grandson, we'll call him "Little Dog" (pictured), lives in the Greater Dallas-Ft. Worth metroplex. Little Dog will be celebrating his second Christmas. And already his dad is telling me, "It's going to be hard to keep him from being a Cowboys fan. There's a lot of them down here." Well, that's like saying there's a lot of retards in Special Ed. In fact that's pretty much exactly what he's saying!

Anyway, last year for Little Dog's first Christmas, me & Mrs. Dog got him his very own Ben Roethlisberger jersey. And I am going to make damn sure his mama puts it on him Sunday. He got a couple Stiller bibs too which Fan and I picked up at a shop in Market Square during our visit to the 'burgh for the 75th Anniversary Team beatdown of the Shitbirds last November.

On top of that, I'm spending Christmas with Little Dog and I want to be able to wear my Big Daddy Lipscomb "76" throwback jersey in the DFW Airport when I arrive!

In addition I have a good friend who is pregnant with twins who is a natural born Cowgirl having lived her whole life in Ft. Worth. She got Stiller bibs as baby shower gifts for her girls too courtesy of Stilladog. She's due any day now. I told her if the Stillers win on Sunday and she delivers on Sunday she must name her twin girls, Benita and Hinesella.

This folks, is the strength of Steeler Nation. This is why we can take 10,000 seats in any stadium in America. We pass the privilege of being Stiller fans down from generation to generation. That is why young men and women who have never set foot in Allegheny County, let alone the city of Pittsburgh will be roaring and yelling Here We Go! at the top of their lungs, Terrible Towels waving at every NFL Stadium from Seattle to Miami, New England to San Diego. They are descendants of Pittsburghers and Western Pennsylvanians. Oh, we do travel well. But most of us are already there.

So we got to beat the Cowgirls this weekend to really plant the seed. For my family's sake. We got to do it. Teach the children. Convert the non-believers.

Snow and 28 degrees predicted for Heinz at game time. Tony Homo has played like 4 games in below 40 his whole life. Silverback not like Homo. Silverback kill Homo. And if you think T.O. is coming over the middle, you're nuts. He saw what happened to Welker.

I like our chances. Last three weeks, snow, snow and torrential downpour = 3 wins. More snow is good. HERE WE GO!!

FAN: The Ultimate Mashup

Wow, this is cool. With Led Zeppelin being in my Top 3 bands of all time (not sure where though) and Bloom County being my favorite print comic....this is kind of like pop culture crack for me. The way the Zeppelin riffs are weaved together with Christmas songs is pure genius. Me likey. I want to get this in mp3 format.

DOG: If Wes Welker Was a Steeler We'd Love Him

Heres why

He ain't as tough as Hines Ward, but he's close.

DOG: Dump Truck Dumped... What? Agin???

Yesiree folks. Najeh "The Dump Truck" Davenport has been released by the Pittsburgh Steelers... for the third time in the past year. Future signings and releases of Mr. Truck will not be covered by Stilladog here on Steel City Slant on account of nobody gives a rats ass.

To think I put all that time and effort into finding a yellow dump truck, putting a "44" on the door, finding a Stillers logo for the bed, formulating a shade of yellow to match the truck to blend the corners of the logo. And the dude lasts 1 game on the inactive roster which yields him a game check and he's cut again.

On a positive note, this means that evidently Willie Parker's knee responded well to game situations and Najeh is again rendered useless.

Just hope the Cowboys don't pick him up. I hear Marion "The Barbarian" Barber is highly questionable for Sunday's game.