Please Just Fade Off Into The Sunset

What's with Madonna these days? I guess she's realizing she can't get into the news with her music or acting anymore, so she's trying anything to get back in the headlines. A month ago she started her world tour by entering the stage crucified on a cross. Super. That's so 1985. You can't shock us with that anymore. Why not put out a book of nothing but nude pictures of yourself....oh wait, you did that already. Yeah, we're tired of you. You're not relevant anymore. Go away. Quietly. Yeah, you ruled the 80's and early 90's....now it's somebody else's turn. What? You want to adopt an African boy? Not a baby but an actual child? Whose Father is still alive? Why not just give the dad enough money to care for the kid so he can get out of the orphanage? Why not hook his old man up with a cool million, that will change his life? Did she see all the attention Bradjolina got for doing this so now she has to try it. "Look at me, look at me...I'm good too!!!!". You know what's really ironic? All these liberal Hollywood types like to say "how can we do this and how can we do that with our money when so many kids are starving right here in America...."? I've heard that so many times. Well then, why not adopt a starving American or simply give an African nation a ton of dough instead of thinking you're doing the world a favor by adopting a child from a 3rd world nation? Great, you saved this kid....what about the other 6 million Africans? Giving them 50% of the money you'll never use would help way more kids than the 1 she's going to parade around to remind people how good she is. Next week....Nicole Kidman to adopt 2 North Koreans. Can't we leave the adopting of children to real parents who want the kids because they love kids - not so they can get in the news. Madonna had a meeting with her handlers who gave her 3 options to get in the news this week: video a sexcapade with Paris Hilton, join the ARMY and ask to be deployed to Iraq or adopt an African.

Other Things From NFL Week 6

I almost forgot - props go out to Chiefs fans for creating the biggest away showing I've ever seen at a home Pittsburgh game. That's not to say there were a lot of Chiefs fans - just more than I'm used to seeing. I went to a game at Three Rivers Stadium circa 1992 with Still A Oregon when they were playing the Houston Oilers. This is no lie, I saw 2 Oiler fans the entire day. I went to a Monday Night Football game with Still A Hater vs. the Colts back in the early days of Heinz field and with the exception of him - I don't remember seeing too many Colts fans. I was at the Eagles showdown in 2004 and would guess before this week that's the most away fans I have seen in Pittsburgh and there were still well under 3,000....maybe 2,000. This week, however, I'm betting there were potentially 3,000-4,000 people decked out in red. As I looked around the stadium, every section had a smattering of Chiefs fans. All good natured - nobody looking for trouble, and I didn't see any Steeler fans giving anyone a hard time. On the flip side of that - the fewest Steeler fans I've ever seen at an away game that I was at was in 1997 at old Foxboro field. However, the Pats fans were nice and it didn't hurt that I was with Still A Pat. I remember being at a game we lost in Philadelphia where Bettis scored late to make it close and towels were everywhere. The announcers on the local sports talk radio show couldn't stop talking about how many Steeler fans were there that day. Still A Dog said he heard NFL Films was putting together a special this year about Steeler fans at away games. Something about how well they travel, but me and the Dog both think there are just a lot of Steeler fans across the country and most of the fans at away games are probably living within 100 miles of the stadium.

Last night was the most exciting MNF game I've seen in a while. Poor Neil Rackers. Poor Denny Green! Matt Leinart impressed me last night. He did everything he needed to to win. Did anyone hear Joe Theisman say as time was winding down and it was 2nd down - "they should keep the ball in the air here."? WHAT? It was a no-brainer in my mind to run the ball twice and then kick a FG. Neil was money last year. What coach (besides Martz?) would put the ball in the air with less than 2 minutes to play inside the opponent's 20 on 2nd down with Neil Rackers on the sideline? Theisman will say A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G to hear the sound of his voice. I actually enjoy trying to find fault with everything he says. He is a moron and I'm convinced myself and any 2 friends I picked could do just as well in the booth as him. Idiot.

Miami Fight - Hypocrites Abound

I'm sure I don't have to recall here what happened in the Miami game over the weekend. What a fiasco. 31 players reprimanded, both school's officials forced to apologize for the behavior. The announcer of the game, former Hurricane Lamar Thomas was fired for his idiotic comments during the fight where he said they should meet in the tunnel after the game and said he was close to going down the elevator to join the melee. You can take the man out of Miami...but you can't take the Miami out of the man. Has any school ever given the NFL so many troubled players? I would love to know if the suspended players could have gotten into "The U" if they didn't play football. Well, here's the most hypocritical thing surrounding the game: The cable network that ran the game in the local area replays the games on Wednesdays. This week, they are going to replay the game twice - but they are going to edit out the comments made by Thomas. Huh? Why not edit out the fight? If you were so outraged over the violence and the comments made - why include the fight at all and why show the game twice? Oh - now I understand. Ratings. Money. It's kind of like the NFL toughening up rules about hits and stuff while giving their blessing to games like NFL Blitz. Do they think we're stupid?

Romeo & Juliet, by BeerShakes

Too Funny.

Thoughts From The Game

Geez, I was afraid to go to the bathroom yesterday for fear of missing a score. It's a good day when you can't remember seeing your punter on the field too many times. It was great weather to watch football also. The web said 50 but once the sun went in the wind was whipping the cold air off the water right through the stadium. It felt like football. I wouldn't be surprised if it was down to 40 walking to the car. I went with Still A Dog (as usual) and we had a great time (as usual) partying with the gang from Genco (as usual). Again, no order to my thoughts here but I'll just dump some of them out: The rust is off of Ben. If he had a normal off-season and pre-season, I think this is where he would have started in week 1 and our record might be really different. I think if Chokely hadn't dropped that punt against the Bengals we'd be 3-2 instead of 2-3. I think they confused the heck out of Huard by not blitzing very much. All he saw were Steeler jerseys every time he surveyed the field. I think it was good to see Chad Brown get a garbage sack and hear the crowd cheer for him. I think it was equally good to hear them "boo" Kendrell Bell every time his name was called (twice?). I liked him when he was here and he was on the verge of something special, but then he just couldn't stay healthy. I think I'm sorry I ripped the deep backup LBs as they did an outstanding job yesterday. Larry Johnson couldn't find any running room at all and he took it out on Troy's hair! I loved watching Bill Cowher walk 10 steps onto the field to congratulate Najeh Davenport after his 48 yard run. The "DUMP Truck" came out of the closet and defecated on the Chiefs front seven yesterday getting 78 yards and a TD on 11 carries. That TD was a classic goal line situation. They ran him 3 times on 4 downs I think, twice for no gain....my memory could be off here as I had a lot of liquid before the game started. I liked that they handed out free Tums on the way into the game because I needed them before I went to bed last night. I didn't like the short FG miss, but it's his first miss under 40 yards in over a season. Also, if he's going to miss - let him miss in a blowout. We stayed until the final gun but a ton of people started leaving at the beginning of the 4th quarter. Another huge seat-clearing event was the pick/return in the 4th quarter. I only get to 1, sometimes 2 games per year so I like to stay until the very end. The day was made sweeter by finding out the Ravens and the Bengals lost. How Steve McNairish of Steve McNair to go out with an injury this early in the season. I saw the hit and it didn't look bad at all. He is more injury prone than a pretzle stick. Boller had some TD passes but 2 of them were lucky batted balls. The Ravens may not even win 10 games this year after starting out 4-0. We'll see. The Falcons can't be taken lightly but if we get past them, we should waltz to a winning record against Oakland and be standing at 4-3. At that point, it will seem very realistic to finish up 7-2 for a 11-5 record. I stayed alive in the Cut Throat League as well by picking Denver over Oakland. I think about 12 players remain in that game.

Bab-bling Update

Wow. Geez, it almost sounds like I wrote this article.....

Next To Play LB....ME!

Oh no they didn't? The Steelers resigned Chad Brown today to take over some pass rushing situations since Peezey won't be playing this weekend. Ouch! I hope his wife doesn't come to the game. If you remember, she slammed Pittsburgh after Chad signed with the Seachickens saying the city didn't have any good sushi...or any other good food. Arnold Harrison is starting at OLB and Rian Wallace will be his backup. Good Lord. We're in more trouble than I thought. Well, all I can say is that for years we've allowed other starting LBs to sign elsewhere since one or more of the backups are always capable of replacing the starters. We've been deep at LB for 20 years. I hope the well doesn't run dry this season, especially with Larry Johnson coming to town. The injury list does not look pretty. DeShea Townsend is not starting either but I'm very curious to see how Bryant McFadden handles starting. I think he's your opening day starter next year anyway. This is my annual game near my birthday in the 'burgh. I'll be hanging out with Still A Dog and tailgating as usual with Still A W and the Genco gang. Wow. What a long ride home on Monday if they lose this game. Nah! I think the rust will crumble and Ben will get Hines off early. Take the Steelers and the points .....and that's the first time I've said to bet them this year.

YHTBFKM

Creative, no? My plate has "STLR 5SB" which should need no explanation. The best one I ever heard of was a guy from my hometown who owned a car stereo shop. It read "2FNLOUD". Never verified that, but I heard about it.

Cut Throat Week 6

Well, I'm still in. I thought seriously about taking the Steelers this week as they are now faced with a do-or-die type game. I realize they went to the Bowl in 1995 after being 3-4 but how many times is that going to happen? I think I'll save them for when they are playing better...and playing Cleveland! I'll take the Broncos this week since they are a team that still seems capable of losing to even a weak opponent. That being said - Horseface Shanny doesn't lose to Al Davis.

Album Cover Art - The Lost Art

Check this out. I easily recognized most of these covers. Remember when album art was almost as important as the music? When I was first old enough to go my own way at the malls in the late 70's or even earlier when I stayed with my parents - my favorite thing to do was to go to National Record Mart and just stand there flipping through every album looking at the covers. Think about it - the internet didn't exist! There was no easy way to find out what albums someone had out. I liked KISS at the time so I would stop at every chance and look through the bins to see if there was an album that I didn't have. Two very distinct smells from my childhood are the bubble gum smell from Topps baseball cards and tearing the plastic off of a brand new album. I know this will date me and make me sound like an old fogey at the young age of 37, even though I'm staring down 38, but today's CD covers have no soul. Before you could hop online and view 1,000s of pictures or see your favorite bands on Mtv - your best bet for seeing them if you weren't into magazines was going to the "record store" and flipping through both the albums and the posters. I would literally start with AC/DC and The Allman Brothers and flip through everyone down to ZZ Top. It was a way for me to pass the time at the mall. I was also clued in to the cool bands by my neighbor who was much older than me. I always got turned on to a band by someone older than me. My neighbor Nick got me into KISS and Ted Nugent. I'll never forget the look of horror on Mrs. Moyer's face (my 3rd grade teacher) when on music day I brought in the double-live KISS Alive II when most other kids were still bringing in kiddy music. How can anyone my age forget the sweaty, blood covered image of Gene Simmons on the back of that album? It's from holding those albums in my hands and taking in every detail that I can tell you that Acoin Management ran the group in those days. Information like this would only serve me well on some useless triva gameshow, but I have a ton of it stored in my slanted little mind and it's weird that I kept it and not replaced it. My older cousins Mark and Gary turned me on to Rush and AC/DC respectively. My older out-of-state cousin Jeff brought me Van Halen, Aerosmith, Meat Loaf, Molly Hatchet and Billy Joel. Thank God I had older male cousins! Had I been left to pickup music off of my sister...It would have been Sean Cassidy, The Bay City Rollers and Leif Garrett. The main topic of this site might have been how to tie your belt, shoe and sock colors together instead of football. Anyway - watching that short clip brought back memories of sitting on the couch in my childhood living room holding an album cover in my hands, reading every word on the back or in the liner notes while listening to the music. That's a far cry from downloading the 1 song I like off of a CD now. I used to anticipate going to the mall to look through the KISS albums to see if they put a new one out. I haven't really been excited about an album release since purchasing the second Pearl Jam CD on the day it dropped. That was what, 13 years ago? Man do things change in a hurry. Don't get me wrong, I still listen to current rock music and new bands...I just rarely buy entire CDs. The last CD I purchased was the soundtrack to Braveheart! I would tell you the last CD I purchased from a band.....if I could remember it.

I am guessing Still A Dog could give us 10,000 words on album art as he has the most extensive music collection I've ever seen.

Babs Doesn't Get It

Check this out. She's free to have any opinion she wants. She's free to take out her full page newspaper ads and slam the current administration - it's her money. What she doesn't get about this is that people paid to hear her sing. Does she honestly think everyone in the audience is a Bush-hating liberal? Is she so clueless as to not realize how many Americans have no idea she is such a huge Democrat? Let's say a theater holds 5,000 people. Out of the 5K let's say only 20% are Republicans because most diehard GOP'ers wouldn't pay money to see her based solely on her strong, divisive political views. What huge balls she has to make fun of the president for that long at a concert knowing that maybe 1,000 aren't going to agree with her. Sure, if you pay to go see comedy, the president is going to get ragged on. This is different and her smart audience let her know it. Are you telling me for one second that if she paid $150 to go see Pavoratti, and he stopped the concert in the middle of the performance and brought out a Bill Clinton clone and verbally abused him and called him stupid for a prolonged period of time she wouldn't have been offended? She would have probably taken out a full page ad in the paper and railed against it. You know what I find offensive? That someone who hasn't made a decent - let alone relevant - movie, cd or show in YEARS still thinks people give a shit what she says. I just think she's so clueless she can't for one second comprehend that people may have a different opinion than her's. She's 10 years away from being Liz Taylor.

Wah! Scott Peterson

Boo Hoo, Mr Scott Peterson....Boo Hoo!

Jong: Dear US, Suck It.

Wow. Enlightening. So what's the over/under on the start of WWIII? Is this guy crazy or crazy like a fox?

These People Cave Way Too Easy

This annoys me. They gave up way too early. BTW, like how I threw CAVE into a story title that mentions Rudolph? Huh? Huh? Yeah, let's drop a boulder on "Bumble" when he comes to eat fresh meat in the cave. And they wonder where these kids get the idea to drop rocks off of overpasses. They blame Beavis & Butthead and the bowling ball episode when it actually burst onto the scene in this Rankin & Bass Christmas Classic. There are a few really cool web pages that I've read about this show. One went into great debate about why the little girl doll was on the Island Of Misfit Toys. She didn't have anything wrong with her. Do some Googling on Rankin Bass Rudolph. It's good stuff if you're a Christmas special geek like I am. OOOOOOOOOH good topic for a new Slanted Listmania. Coming Soon. I wonder what number 1 will be? Clue? I'm Too Much!

Whoa, Dude, Like...Can I get a Whopper?

This is putting the buzz on the fuzz. Now shut up and pass me the Doritos. I worked at the BK Lounge for many years in high school and college and I have to say - we never did anything quite like that. I bogarted my fair share of free food though. I wouldn't even want to guess how many chicken tenders were eaten while hot & crispy yet written up on the old and gunky throw-away waste sheet. The worst thing I ever did while employed there was to get thrown out by the head manager (and I was one of her favorites) one night when I showed up not to work but to kick the living crap out of someone who was working that night who had a part in altering some personal property of mine. No, I didn't get to kick the crap out of him, but I made him lie and shake in front of 3 of his friends who knew he did it - by daring him to "man up" and admit he did it and then face the consequences when he got off work. Wow. That was a blast from the past that didn't even cross my mind when I saw the BK story. I just wanted a reason to post a Spicoli picture and then got the mouth out of control. Anyway - Love the character. Hate the actor.

For Big W, This Is Good Stuff - NAFW

Check this clip out....Not Appropriate For Work if you work with a bunch of stiffs that are humorless and don't allow you to use the internet like an adult.

Football Parity Gods Got Our Number

Well, this year is turning out to be pretty interesting. They really seemed poised to me to make a strong run for a title repeat. The defense is pretty much intact and the offense is only missing Bettis. The return game did miss Randel El over the first 3 weeks, but hopefully Willie Reid will put an end to that. Ben knocked a lot of rust off this week, so hopefully he's back on track. The scheduling Gods are just as much to blame as anyone as we've faced some pretty good teams so far without getting the benefit of a cupcake game. However, there is no excuse for losing to someone starting their 5th game at QB in my opinion. The fact that LeBeau couldn't get more pressure on Rivers is either bad game planning or superb pickups by their blitz blocking schemes. I'm not sure which it was at this point. I know Willie Parker will be seeing Jamal Williams in his sleep for a few nights. This game was different than the Bengals game but in some aspects it was the same. It was another game that we seemed to have in hand, and then it just got away. The coverage Townsend supplied on the TD was perfect. It was just a perfect pass from Rivers. My thoughts here are scattered because I'm trying to remember everything that caught my attention - but I wasn't happy with a few things. The trick play early in the game on the punt was atrocious. In a game that you know is going to be a defensive struggle, I don't know how you pass up the opportunity to pin them deep in their own territory. Not only that - the play looked idiotic and sandlot - not like most of their trick plays. On the flea-flicker, I can't believe Ben chose to let that one fly. Holmes was obviously covered, double covered in fact. His only other option there was to throw it too far so if Holmes didn't outrun them while the ball was in the air - it would fall incomplete. Davenport seemed to have some early success but was then yanked after one failed run. The pass rush got to Rivers when they called it early. When it stopped getting to him (or stopped being called) he carved them up which is why they lost this game. We have some real talent in our defensive backfield and to get torched by Eric Parker and whoever the heck the other clown is IS HORRIBLE! I saw Troy overrun several pursuits. Who knows what else I can't remember, I'm just a tad disgusted. I guess the football gods have said - "well, you had your fun last year...now it's someone else's turn." Yeah, you can stomp your feet and complain loudly and not be happy at all that they're 1-3, but just think how many teams have never sniffed a Super Bowl win or even appeared in one and it kind of puts it all in perspective for me. I got to enjoy a Super Bowl win and one the greatest runs through the playoffs off all-time. I don't need to be greedy......but geez, if they're going to miss the playoffs, it would be nice to miss at 10-6 instead of 6-10. Seems like the only shot we have now depends on us sweeping the Ravens and beating the Bengals in Cincinnati. There is little room for error and 3 more losses will eliminate us. Basically we have to finish 10-2 which isn't unheard of, but putting two 5-1 streaks together seems like a longshot right now. I wish since Ben had such a bad offseason and the appendectomy that he could have got his feet wet against the Titans, the Browns or the Niners. That's why repeating is so hard. If Cowher is considering retirement, it will be much easier to do with half the city calling for his job anyway. It could also embolden him to stay. Stay Tuned.

Coke Out For Season

Well, I hate to see anyone injured - but if we are going to lose someone for the season, it isn't terrible that it's Coke. Reid and Holmes will take over punt duties and the replacement in some of the nickel and dime packages CAN'T be worse than Coke. I try not to dislike any player and I want Coke to succeed, but for some reason, I don't see him developing into a player. Hopefully, while he's off, he'll continue to learn the playbook, watch tape and understand the defense better. However, I'm on record right now as saying I'll be surprised if he makes the team next year in camp. You read it here first.

Newest Member of the Family - Casey

Well, the sadness we all felt from losing Lloyd yesterday was made a little easier today with the addition of Casey to our family. We didn't go to the adoption agency with thoughts of getting a kitten that resembles Lloyd, and we initially avoided his cage because of the striking resemblance. Some members of the family even got a little teary-eyed in the store after seeing the little guy! Anyway - we started playing with a solid black female who seemed friendly enough but the top part of her one ear was damaged. It wasn't bad enough to not get her and we actually thought we had our mind made up but I spun around to see my lovely wife playing with the tux kitten. Did it make sense to get a kitten that looks like Lloyd? Well, why not? I have 2 uncles that only ever had beagles. My boy Still A Dog has had a house full of Dalmations ever since I can remember. Another uncle of mine has a thing for Pekinese. Why can't we always have a tuxedo cat? SOLD! Now the only problem was, we were there at 9:30 to pick one out and the adoption agency rep doesn't show up until 10:30. I stood guard by his cage so no other family would assume he was up for grabs. This is the same agency we used to adopt Hershey so we were already approved and didn't need to apply and wait for 3 days while they checked our references and the vet. Right as the rep showed up, another family walked in with their completed paperwork and walked over to the cage and said "there's our kitty". Long story short.....they WANTED this kitten and got their approval yesterday - but never put a hold on him or anything and since we were there at 9:30 and were preapproved - technically we were ahead of them in line....plus there were more tears that worked in our favor when the problem presented itself. We didn't have a problem naming this one as I made another list of Steeler names to select a name from. His original name was Romeo and I thought it was very interesting that I like to name pets after Steelers that I like and this cat had the name of an ex Pat's defensive coordinator and the current Browns head coach. After toying around with Parker and Heath....my daughter selected Casey from the list and I'm fine with that as Mr. Hampton should be a Steeler for quite some time. I really wanted her to pick Merril, but she wasn't going for it. Heath would have been cool since we would have had 2 candy bars, but it doesn't roll very nicely when you yell it. So - Greg Lloyd, Louis Lipps and Casey Hampton have all been used in naming our cats. I still think I'll have a Weimeraner some day named Lambert or Porter!

Back to Lloyd. He was 11 and then some and wasn't liking his new housemate too much to begin with. He recently had a large cyst removed from his side and was just in to get his stitches out on Tuesday and was doing fine. On Thursday night we noticed his breathing was a little labored. His chest was rising and falling noticeably with every breath and his midsection was bulging with each one as well. It freaked us out a little and I guessed wrongly that maybe a hairball was stuck and it hurt his fresh wound to cough it up the proper way. We woke up in the middle of the night and he hadn't moved all night and was making more noise than before. I called off work and took him to the vet first thing in the AM. He heard a lot of fluid in his chest and took 2 x-rays to confirm what he heard. You couldn't even see his heart on the x-rays because of all the fluid. The vet said the best case scenario would be acute asthma. If it wasn't asthma, he didn't think he could do much since there was so much liquid. He was going to send a sample out and call me back within 24 hours. If it was asthma - steroids could have saved him. I patted, scratched and kissed him goodbye and it took me 15 minutes to get home. I didn't have a very good feeling about our situation. When I walked in the door the vet had already called and said he wasn't going to make it. I called right back and he had already passed. As it turns out, the vet is almost certain he had an aneurysm in his chest cavity and he couldn't have been saved. We all had a rough night last night but it was made better by Still A Dog who sent my daughter a wonderful poem called "The Rainbow Bridge". I printed a picture of Lloyd with his name on it and the poem and we used it when we told our daughter Lloyd wasnt coming back home. I think she actually handled it better than we did after the initial alligator tears stopped. I was proud of the way she handled it.

Well, Casey isn't meant to replace Lloyd. We just didn't think Hershey at 6 months old was ready to be by himself. Since Hershey Lipps seemed to torment and tease Lloyd because he knew Lloyd couldn't catch him too easily, I'm actually hoping Casey stands his ground and delivers some torture Hershey's way. Stout lineman versus skinny WR wins every time. I'm still mad the agency told my daughter that the first guy's name was Hershey! You know I offered her $20 to name the cat and she refused it! We compromised on adding Lipps but I really lost out because after calling him Mr. Lipps for 2 weeks it sounded so gay (not that there's anything wrong with that) I started calling him Hershey.

Rest In Peace

Lloyd (1995 - 2006)

It's Called A Life.....Get One

OMG. Some people are just weird. Read This.

Satisfaction

I would have driven the truck through, then started the fire...after putting a bullet in his head, of course.

J-Lo? Try T-Mo, The Original Latina Hottie

Holy smokes. I posted a Slanted Listmania edition a long time ago that enumerated women that raised my temperature circa 1980-1985 when I first woke up to girls. Obviously I forgot one and I'd have to go back to bump somebody else out of the top 10. Who is it? None other than Rita Moreno. I have never in my life considered her a hottie before. When I was really young I remember her being a cast member on The Electric Co. If you don't remember that show, it usually followed Sesame Street and I always remember it being a little smarter than SS. It also contained the corniest version of Spider Man.....EVER.....but I loved it. When I became old enough to be able to sit through and appreciate West Side Story in it's movie version - she played Maria's best friend and I believe she won the Oscar for best supporting actress. However, maybe it was the makeup or the costumes or something but I don't remember her being a siren in that endeavor either. The only other thing I remember her on without imdb'ing her is Oz - the HBO prison drama. She played a nun and was probably in her 50's at that time and that was in the mid 90's. So how did I rediscover her in her prime? The Muppets! I am a muppet freak and since TV sucks I was with my daughter surfing YouTube for classic Muppet sketches. She loves The Swedish Chef and Animal.....a girl after my own heart. Anyway, I saw this clip and it blew me away. It's hilarious. I don't ever remember Animal showing so much character. When she turns around to look at him and he turns away it makes me laugh every time. Also, it's the perfect song for her to sing. She's quite the temptress. I'm guessing this is right around 1978 or so and she's probably 35 or so. I was around 10-12 and probably thought she was old! Stupid Stupid Stupid. Enjoy the clip - it's fantastic.

Update: I went ahead and imdb'd her. The Muppet episode was 1976 and she was born in 1932 making her 44 in the clip. The other funny thing is, I thought she was around 50 when Oz debuted, but it was 1997 so she was 65! She was 29 in West Side Story and she was on The Electric Co. from '71-'77. Reading her TV appearances is like looking thru an old issue of TV guide as she guested on most variety shows and sitcoms. Interesting career and still works all the time. Here's the link to her career.

Cut Throat Week 5

This is where it starts to get interesting. The Colts are favored by about 87 points this weekend against the Titans. While I would love to keep winning with average teams while everyone else uses the cream of the crop....it may be time for me to add a little cream to my mix. I really only love 3 winners this week - Colts, Chicago and Pats. Looking ahead, the Colts and Pats are off next week and then the Colts play the Redskins and Denver and I would never pick them over Washington or Denver in weeks 7 and 8 to stay undefeated in a Cut Throat game. Chicago plays another can't lose game next week and then they are off so I'll probably use them the following week. They have the Niners at home in week 8 and I would love to hold out for that game but I need to get past 5, 6 and 7 first! Since I can't use the Colts in weeks 6, 7 or 8 - it only seems logical to use them now. Cut that meat! Cut that meat!

New Sunday Soap Opera

"But, But, But what if they catch us?" "Don't worry, Love - a love as strong as ours can never be broken." "But if they find out, we're ruined....ruined I say" "They won't...LOOK AT ME.....they won't. I'll make sure of it. Haven't I always protected you in the past?" "Yes, but this time it's different. I can feel Ray looking at me naked in the shower. I can sense his telling nod means only that he too, would like to press his flesh against mine. His eyes, Oh damn his longing eyes. Can you feel them as well?" "Not only can I feel them, I have felt them, on me, heavy like weights....heavy like the weights of one thousand anchors out in the harbor. I too, spend time wondering about the gentle side of Ray, and what could only be if we didn't have to keep up this, this, this ACT ." "Then it is decided....we shall wait for Ray, until the time is right, and we will continue to suffer with only each other......and master." "Yes, oh yes, darling - then it will remain just you and I ...and coach Billick - until Ray is ready to take the next step and finally join us."

Tune in tomorrow to see........

Will the kicker get the tight end?

Who will make a pass at whom?

Can Coach Billick juggle three lovers?

Will Ray shed his rough exterior like he sheds blockers?

Will Jamal Lewis redecorate the lockers?

All, On the next.....Not Young And The Ravens

Notice To Crazy People, Amish

An open letter to crazy people:

The next time you're running late on your milk delivery route or your wife stops sleeping with you or one of the networks cancels your favorite TV show or you remember a slight from your childhood....can you please try to make the retaliation you choose FIT THE CRIME? Unless a 7-year-old Amish girl tied you up and terrorized you - yesterday was not a good example. These poor damn Amish people try to live a simple life and don't bother anyone. I would think that an Amish school house would be one of the safest places on Earth to send a 7-year-old and expect to see them again at the end of the day. I have a 7-year-old. I try really hard to not have those thoughts enter my mind, but when you pay attention to the news...how can't you? At minimum, you would think if a disgruntled Amish man walked into a school he would at least have a muzzle loader giving everyone a running start after he fired the first shot! What small tiny evil thing can make a man point a gun at a child and pull the trigger. Can you imagine for one second what those kids went through? Nobody should have to go through that. It changed the personality of the survivors forever. Ok, this guy seemed to have had a clean record before yesterday, but many don't. That's why when we finally get our hands on someone like this - we can't get all "touchy feely" and think we can rehabilitate them. I'm not interested in rehabilitation for people that commit or are prone to commit crimes against children. In fact, I would back a 2 Strike system against people that harm kids. Once could have too many questions surrounding the alleged crime. However, if you voilently or sexually abuse a kid under a certain age for the second time in your life....I'll have no problem sending you to meet your maker WHOMEVER that would be. That's probably not a popular opinion in today's world, but if we start systematically reducing the world's population of animals...and animals are exactly what they are...the planet will be a better place to live. You can turn the other cheek if you want you, but I want an eye for an eye.

Missile Command Meets Asteroids

Cool! I made it a little over 500 seconds so far.

Slanted #28

Click For Larger Image

Ben Franklin My Ass

Wow! The entire Philadelphia area, people that know Philadelphia well and especially people that know colonial history well collectively groaned tonight watching Monday Night Football as Mike Tirico incorrectly identified the William Penn statue on top of City Hall as Benjamin Franklin. What a moron. Wouldn't you think someone in the booth or someone in the truck knew the difference? Shouldn't somebody have made the correction when they came back from commercial? Seriously, isn't Franklin usually balding with long stringy hair in the back and wearing specs? I can't seem to remember too many pictures of him with thick hair and a hat. Oh well, no respect for Mr. Penn. The idiots in the booth usually don't know what's going on ON the field either. Theisman had another gem about 10 minutes ago. After just saying (and getting questioned by Tony K after he said it) that McNabb never lost control of the team in the eyes of the other players last year - the next thing he said was "in order to reestablish it, he stayed here all off-season." Last time I checked, reestablish meant 'to establish again' meaning he lost it in the first place. Maybe he meant "reaffirm"? Either way he goofed up. I miss Maguire. He liked to mix it up with Joe more. I hope Tony takes that role soon.

Exhibit 1 - Why I Would Never Drum On YouTube

Holy Crap! Ok, I don't think I'm a slouch on drums, but this kid is young and he kicks ass! It would be like watching Neil Peart followed up by Ringo. I bet this kid is recording in the near future.

How To Impress The Ladies

I am embarrassed for them.

We Want You

This is from an AP story released today:

The fugitive terror chief Abu Hamza al-Muhajir said experts in the fields of "chemistry, physics, electronics, media and all other sciences — especially nuclear scientists and explosives experts" should join his group's jihad, or holy war, against the West.

The Associated Press missed some of the coverage though as they mistook a pregnated pause as the end of his plea. Steel City Slant's recorders were still rolling as al-Muhajir continued his request for particular fields. "We need the proctologists to massage and stretch our tiny assholes. We need someone who can build a perfect turkey kaiser, with just the right amount of mayo. We need someone who can shine the shoes so good that his own image is visi.....oh, we wear sandals...OK forget the shine boy and instead make it someone who can tie the two cans together with the string to make a next generation "talkie" device. We need one brave soul who will experiment with the bathing every day. I would like one person who can explain to me why we still dress like it is 67 BC. I would like somebody to teach me how to groom my goddamn moustache evenly as it is much ticker on de one side like the goat and yet the other side is not so tick like de goat but still OK I guess. I would like it if the same man could then explain to me the eyebrows as I try to pluck dem to match but as you can see I cannot. I would like to talk to someone about getting me a pair of the sunglasses like that cool guy from Saudi Arabia wears when he is on the TV. I would like a PR person to get my name out there so I am recognized for the genius that I am....Hitler, bin Laden...ah-muharjir. I would like a plumber or two so I could stop de pooping in the sand and covering it up much like your domestic house cats and I would have them put in some indoor plumbing but not with the ass picks like the Brits have since they scare me when I am there. Finally, I would like it very very much if you could send me some of the western porn so I can stop masturbating while thinking about the soft, subtle sexy curves and skin of my secretary's ankles. Ummm, die all you Western dogs.

Yeah. Thanks, Abu. Isn't Abu the name of the monkey in Disney's Aladdin? In the words of great American Johnny Carson, "May the flies of a thousand camels infest your mother's armpits."

I Can Translate For Turtles

"Eeeayah Eeeayah" is roughly the equivalent of "What's my name, bitch? What's my name? Say it. Say it."

This is one of the funniest things I've ever seen and that's saying something.

What Will TO Apologists Say This Time?

Like there aren't enough reasons to dislike Michael Irvin already....I almost want to hear his low IQ explanation for what happened to TO this week. It never fails that he backs him up because TO is his "friend". They talk. They're boiz. The Playmaker and The Big Faker (I think this was staged to some degree to try and garner sympathy). I remember when he hurt his hand originally - TJ said with TO it will always be something. Irvin started to loudly defend him asking how hurting his hand is TO's fault. TJ's classic reply was to just keep fading out and saying "it will always be something.....it will always be something....it will always be something". Tom Jackson owns this angle. There is no other angle. However, because his damn necktie knot is so big it chokes the oxygen from his tiny squirrel-sized brain, Irvin will now probably get all serious and talk about depression and say how we all need to love and support TO. Support TO? Huh? Wuh? These two friggin idiots were made for each other. I wish they would get in a car with Drew Roseypalm - invite Stuart Scott and tell him they're going out partying in the hood, lock the doors, put on the child locks....and drive the stupid car over a cliff somewhere where there is water below. Boooooo-Yah!

Cut Throat Week 4

I'm taking the Cowgirls this week against the Titans. Even without T.O. The Titans are that bad. A lot of the field got dropped last week. Not sure of my chances to win yet. I'll wait a few more weeks before speculating, but I like the three teams I've won with so far as they aren't the cream of the crop. I won with the Fish, the Ravens and the Cardinals. If I win with the Cowgirls, I'll still have a lot of undefeated teams to use.

Not So Stunning Revelation

While listening to the radio I heard a list of the top 5 songs for this week. Justin Timberlake came in at number 1 with his fruity song. That's not funny. It's sad really. What's funny is what was said next:

"...and Clay Aiken comes in number two....."

Tell me something I don't know.

Jesus Christ I Hate Joe Theisman

Does he ever shut up? I mean, I could lower the volume - but I'd like to hear the game too without him yapping the entire night. Does CBS radio still broadcast Boomer Esiason? Does anyone know? F me I can't stand Joe. Did you know he used to play? No, really? Instead of him breaking his leg in a game, I wish someone would have ripped his throat out so he couldn't talk. Man, he's dropping some gems tonight. Tony K is catching on and playing with him a bit. I can't wait for Tony to say to Joe ala Tom Jackson to Michael Irvin....."Are you retarded?" That's insulting the entire community of mentally challenged. If I had a dollar for every time he says "nobody else in the NFL could make that throw" I'd be rich. If they show someone spit Joe opines about his ability to spit and how nobody else in the league can spit like that. Some guy scratches his manhood and Joe says "did you see the way he scratched his berries? he is in the top 3 berry scratchers in the league". I think he has photos of somebody doing something not with their special somebody. Why else has he lasted this long in broadcasting. Oh, and did you know he used to play?

Back On The Road

Wow. I forgot what I missed so much above business travel. Leaving the house at 5:30 AM to make an 8:45 flight rocks! Packing your Chapstick in your suitcase. Waiting in line with my luggage, there was a couple of another nationality that will remain nameless right in front of me. Both smelled like they just ate multiple cloves of garlic for breakfast. In all seriousness, I didn't want to be within 10 yards of this couple, let alone 10 inches. Jesus. I pity the people that had to sit in front of them on the plane. The thing that still freaks me out about airports is how much people talk on cell phones while waiting for the plane. Did we as Americans lose the ability to sit quietly for 30-60 minutes? The woman beside me made at minimum 10 calls and typed furiously on her Blackberry. It's 7:30 AM!! Sit down, drink your coffee and watch CNN or read the paper. Damn! The flight was uneventful and I got my rental car fast. I'm sporting around in a Kia Optimus or something. I wanted the Mini Cooper but then I would have had to pay more. Interesting that the smaller car is more than an intermediate. Anyway, I got to my hotel thanks to my Razr phone's GPS and got settled in. What a place! The Peachtree Plaza Westin. Sweet. I'm on the 52nd floor looking down on the city right now. What a view. Nicest room I've ever had. It's a round floor and each room is a slice of pie with the outside wall being all window. The room even has a nice robe. Comfy! I might keep it. The vendor fair sucked as usual, but they had great food. I ate Cocconut Shrimp all night. I even pilfered some drinks from the bar so I didn't have to drink them from my mini-bar in the room. A can of soda is $2.50! There's a little bag of almonds in there that could be mine for $7.75. No shit. The airplane size alcohol is $7.00 per bottle. It's madness. Madness I tell you. I mean I want to stay in the nicest place possible.....but I wish the nicest places also had vending machines so you don't have to spend $3.00 for a Snickers bar (yup, right off the pricing sheet in the mini-bar. What's cool is looking out towards the airport. You can see the lights from the jets as they come in and out. After the fair ended I got to spend some time with an engineer for another Fiserv product called FIDO. It's an alert system that runs within the core processor for the CUs that is rules based and shoots out emails when something isn't right. It recently foiled a plot by a guy who was depositing large sums via fake checks at multiple branch locations and then started taking it out the next day. FIDO correctly picked the next location he would withdraw from and the police were there waiting for him. Cool stuff. Why isn't our software more sexy?

Hammer, Nail......Whack!

Here it is.....hot off the presses. Not a word I don't agree with.

A Die Hard Steeler Fan, She Is

This girl was in the same corral as my Dad and I. She ran all 13.1 miles wearing the colors! How cool is that? I'm telling you, the finish line temperature that day was easily above 80 and there were a ton of guys shirtless and a lot of women wearing nothing but the sports bra thingies that they wear. For this girl to wear a football jersey throughout the race is crazy! I had a Nike Dri-Fit running singlet on and it was SOAKED mid-race. I don't know what she did when she ran past the Mummer band playing the Eagles fight song - but I let out a "Here We Go" chant that got a little chuckle. My Dad wanted me to do it again when the band finished the song and we were right by them, but I didn't want to get tripped so I kept my mouth shut (for once). Anway, I looked up her bib number and her name is Elizabeth Rossi from Sewickley, PA. I added her name here just incase she or someone she knows ever Googles her and sees this. I thought that would be cool. Anyway - how can you not like a 'Burgh girl running the entire half in the Fast Willie Parker jersey?

Half Marathon Photos

The Philadelphia Distance Run had a professional company at different locations throughout the race to take pictures of the runners. About a week later - they send you a link to all the photos and you can look yourself up by bib number. What a process that must be. Do they own software that can scan the photos looking for numbers? I bet not. Geez, with 12,000 runners how would you do that? Imagine the Boston Marathon! Anyway, they got some decent shots of me and the old man. One issue they should try to solve is the time showing in the background. Unless you were in the first corral - it's probably really wrong. Our chip time was about 10 minutes off from the finish clock. Some people might not understand why their finish time was 1:53 but the clock in the picture displayed 2:01. If your goal was to be under 2 hours, you might not want a picture with 2:06 showing! Another thing this company should do is write "PROOF" across their pictures. They disabled right-click for IE but for Firefox it works. Since they are selling very high resolution copies for big bucks - it seems silly not to protect themselves with something acorss their website. Even before I was informed by Still A. Dad that Firefox would allow right clicks, I already had copies for myself simply by saving the webpage as html which creates a folder of all components of the page, including images. Like I said though, the images on the website are low-rez and if you want really nice prints - you would buy them.

These Are The Ones That Hurt

We only stopped ourselves on offense. They really had no answers. When you lose and you are on the 15 yardline and turned the ball over, what, 5 times.....you deserve to lose. The entire game hinged on Coke fumbling a punt. We were in clock kill mode at that point. We wouldn't have even been putting the ball in the air. We would have went on a 70 yard running drive to end the game. Instead, we turned it over twice and gave up two TDs in :54. Can you believe that? Even with Big Ben throwing an ill-advised pick in the first quarter with 1st and goal. Even with Ben heaving a jump ball in the second quarter for a pick. Even with Nate Washington dropping a TD in the 4th. Even with Holmes dropping another ball deep in Bengals territory. With everything NOT going our way - we were still winning and controlling the game. The Bengals didn't control the game once, not until the gun sounded. They were constantly under attack and reacting instead of acting. I can take last week's tough loss without much discomfort. This one causes some discomfort. I was all ready to sport my new jersey on the plane to Hotlanta tomorrow, but now I think I won't. I don't want to have to answer 50 queries from perfect strangers about "What happened yesterday?". I cannot tell you how frustrating it is to have Lucy's Ricki back there returning punts. Then, after Coke screwed his up, Holmes turns around to make a basket catch over the shoulder - almost putting another one on the floor. Where is this ARE replacement that we spent a 3rd round draft pick on? Another thing about Coke - not only did he drop the punt, he gave up one of the TD passes as well. He's a hack and I'm really ready to see a lot more of McFadden. I guess we always start out slow - but how can you harass Palmer and sack him 6-7 times, stop their running game in it's tracks, run all over them...and still lose the game? Sick, Sick, Sick I tell you! Oh well, time to forget it and look towards the bye week. I would almost rather have Chad catch 2 on us than TJ. I liked seeing Chad Hi-5'ing our fans before the game and going over and talking to BC. He knows it's an act. TJ really seems like an arrogant butthead though. Loser.

Why Doesn't Anyone Check The Facts?

You know what I hate? When NFL talking heads gather around and start to spout off without knowing their facts. The ESPN Sunday Countdown show is usually the show I watch, but I'm starting to winder if I should check out Rich Eisen's show or potentially watch one of the network shows before the games start. The guys just sit around and say whatever they feel like saying without any fear of being called to the carpet on the facts. ESPN allows Micahel Irvin to just sit there and spout off at a high volume like whoever talks the loudest is the most right. What got my ire today? The Steeler vs. Bengals game was being discussed and Michael said that if you stay physical with the Steelers through 4 quarters they will fade away. Really? Based on what? Based on WHAT? Last week? Are the Bengals physical? What a ridiculous statement. So, to add insult to injury, Chris Berman drops this nugget - The Steelers can win when they score in the 20's, but if they score into the 30's, they will probably lose the game because that's not how they play. REALLY? Geez, Chris - let's pull up last year's results. Here are the results of games in which the Steelers scored 30 or more points:

34-7 beat Titans
34-21 beat Browns
38-31 lost Bengals
41-0 beat Browns
35-21 beat Lions
31-17 beat Bengals
34-17 beat Broncos

So, Chris, in games where the Steelers scored 30 or more points last year - they were 6-1. If you throw in their 2 next highest scoring games they were 8-1 as they won 2 games by scoring 27 points. 27-7 against Houston and 27-13 against the Bengals. Now I ask you, how on Earth can Chris Berman make a statement like that and not be challenged?

Eat It, It's Not Going To Kill You!

Remember this the next time little Johnny doesn't want to eat something! Good thing E. Coli can't attack fruit snacks or there would be chaos in the daycares right now!!

It's The Fish In Week 3

Like most people playing some form of Cut-Throat NFL game this week, I'm taking the Dolphins (-11) against the Titans. I still snicker when thinking about everyone that picked the Dolphins to make the playoffs and had the Steelers sitting home. Daunte Culpepper proves every week that his entire career may well have revolved around Randy Moss in his prime. Pat, does it hurt at all that Dan Marino mentors Big Ben and not the 'Phins young QBs? If "We Dey" don't beat "Who Dey?" this week.....we'll both be in trouble!

Army Recruits Most Since 1997

Believe that! That's pretty damn good news and I bet it drives Cindy Sheehan crazy. Yeah, they are relaxing the rules a bit, but still - it's an all volunteer Army. Much like her son re-enlisted after his first 4 years (because he liked it), these brave 80,000 young people are doing something that they feel is right and I'm personally glad they are taking on the challenge.

Back Without Demand - Celebrity Cock

This time I'm going to nominate Brad Pitt. Brad recently said he wouldn't marry Ms. Jolie until anyone that wanted to be married legally could. Boo Hoo. Boo Hoo on you Mr. Pitt. You just don't want to get married, so you're lying. If they passed the law tomorrow - you wouldn't drive on down to Vegas would you? She's just going to dump your short ass too when somebody better comes along..... Anyway, Mr. I'll Go To Iraq and donate all my money to charity (feels guilty over leaving Rachael....I mean Jennifer) is this edition's lucky winner. Let's see what we can make of his catalogue.

A Cock Runs Through It (the winner)
Kock
Legends of the Cock
Cock with the Vampire
Cock Monkeys
The Devil's Cock
Meet Cock Black
Cock Club
Confessions of a Dangerous Cock

Hmmmm, not a ton of humor here. Oh well, not a ton of great movies either. Keep your mouth shut and make a good movie for a change....it's been a while.

Scary Week 3

If you asked me right now who the 3 most important Steelers are, 2 of the 3 would be Troy Polamalu and Ben Roethlisberger. Hines Ward is a strong candidate for #3 as are Casey Hampton and Peezey. What's wrong with this scenario is that all 3 are banged up right now going into what is turning out to be a huge game. I'm not terrified of being 1-2, but since the Bengals would be 3-0 and the Ravens play Cleveland (making them 3-0) - it's a much deeper hole to climb out of. Let's hope coach has everyone settled down from last week and they put a good solid gameplan in place. I'm in favor of something like the playoff game - come out passing and run off of it. If the passing game stalls - we could be in big trouble. However, with the home crowd behind us, let's just hope the O Line can move some bodies and let Parker hit some creases. The Bengals aren't healthy either and hopefully we can get a few people turned around on the line and sneak FWP past them.

Cut Throat - Week 2

Well, I lived to play another week. I picked the stupid Ravens in week 2. I HATED rooting for them to win, but I don't like any of their opponents in the upcoming weeks and I don't like to pick division games. No idea on this week's pick yet. I'll probably wait until Thursday to make a decision.

Bring Back Chidi

OK, obviously Tyrone Carter forgot how to tackle last night and he picked some bad angles. I don't dislike Ty as a player, but I Love Chidi as a player. Chidi, to me, is the kind of guy you need on a championship team. From what I've seen and read he's selfless and will do whatever is asked of him. He may not be the best DB on the team, but in reality, how often is the last DB on the depth chart used (not on special teams)? So, besides Ty Carter in no particular order, here are a few players I feel like we can do without if it would mean Iwuoma could come home.

Willie Reid - I saw nothing special out of this cat in the preseason. If he was drafted to return punts and he isn't returning them YET, then obviously there is a problem. Put him on the practice squad if nobody picks him up off waivers but Chidi can help us win right now - Willie Reid cannot.

Brian St. Pierre - If we went into the season with 2 QBs, why do we need 3 right now?

Duce Staley - Are you kidding me? He's just taking up space!

Arnold Harrison - Not related to James, doesn't play like James.

Tim Euhus (TE) - Who? I know we play some 2 TE sets, but if Miller or Tuman got injured in a game, we could just abandon those sets.

Not Surprised - Jags Are For Real

My goodness, what a defense. I think we have more talent on our team and Ben was rusty - but we got beat last night. In my old age, I can look at this game and not get that upset. I think if we played them at home tomorrow, we would win. The thing is - they've now beaten us two years in a row. Should we face them in the playoffs, they won't be intimidated by us at all....not one little bit, nosireebob. All we need to do is beat Cincy next week and we're 2-1 and looking OK. I don't want to be 1-2 but it's very early in the season and we knew we had a killer schedule coming out of the gate. Some things I noticed last night: maybe Ben should have sat and they would have had a long time to prepare a plan for Charlie (good point Dog!), we can't seem to tackle those short hitch passes very well when it's 1-on-1. Ike got beat by that against Miami and DeShea was getting schooled last night. Santonio looked confused at least twice last night, especially on the one pick. Not much pressure. No running game. At least we covered punts and kickoffs. Can't say the defense played poorly, but i was surprised at the lack of good tackling from Ty Carter. Troy is hurt and banged up, but Carter took bad angles and missed several tackles - the one surely giving up the 2nd field goal. Chidi time? It's not even that the offense played terrible, it's just that Jax plays the same aggressive in-your-face defense that we do. I would have bet the farm that we could muster more than 26 yards on the ground. I'm not going to panic though. Let's give Ben a full week of healthy practice and come after those "Who Dey?" guys. Remember, all we need to do is make the playoffs. Heinz hasn't been kind to us at home in January!

Humor Before Disecting Steelers

Check It Out Whatever this guy did to his woman, she responds with full force. She has some nice moves too...ducking...weaving....bobbing.

What To Expect, Jaguars Edition

Well, we know one thing - there's going to be some hitting. I think Cowher will motivate the troops by reminding them just how tough Jax was last year....even though Touchdown Tommy threw the game away for us. Tonight, the Steelers are going to "chop some wood". I don't think there's going to be a whole lot of offense in this game. I'll be surprised if we see the endzone 3 times as I see at least 3 Jeff Reed field goals. I think we win in a squeaker. Ben will be wanting to prove that he was indeed healthy enough to start tonight. Hopefully the O Line can keep the Jags off his back as he really doen't need to be taking any hard hits right now. I think tonight if he's forced out of the pocket he'll be looking to throw the ball away if nobody is open instead of running it himself. This matchup last year saw too many hard hits to give someone a freebie at BB. I'm anxious to get a look at Najeh tonight. I hope he's 'suited up' and ready to go. I'd love to see him move the pile and put Duce to shame. I think Parker will have minimal success and gain around 70 yards. Hopefully I'm wrong about that, but I think we'll score both through the air and on the ground to get to 23 points and a win. If Willie Reid doesn't show up tonight, I'll really be questioning that decision to draft him in the 3rd round. Is catching a punt that much different in the NFL than it was in college? On defense I think we'll be fine. Taylor isn't going to carve us up but he isn't going to cave either. I'm a tad worried that we won't take Matt Jones seriously enough and he could scorch us for one. If we do give up a long ball - I bet Coke will have something to do with it. Enough with the "what ifs", let's play some football. My final prediction? Stillers 23 - Jaguars 16. If for some reason we happen to lose, it will be the special team's fault. Can you believe Chidi is auditioning for the Browns? Are you telling me we can't cut 1 person and bring him back? If we have special team blunders tonight, tomorrow I'll tell you - at minimum - 5 people we can do without if it means bringing Chidi back.

Scare Piece? You Be The Judge.

You can either simply dismiss this as a scare piece of journalism or you can start building a bunker in your basement. Either way - reading it makes me feel many different things. I don't know whether to wish for world harmony or to wish the westies would simply wipe the planet clean of Islamic militants....collateral damage be damned. Violence seems to be the only thing they understand. One word - "Hiroshima". What if we just blow a couple of cities off the face of the planet? I guarantee you that if a nuclear bomb is ever detonated on our soil, I can easily name about 6 cities that I'd start with. It's silly to even say things like that, but when you read something so offensive - what are our real options?

I Miss Chris Berman and Tom Jackson

Love or hate Chris Berman, and he's become more of a bad parody of his former self over the last 5 years, I much prefer ESPN's NFL Prime Time to the drivel ABC has put on the last 2 weeks. This "Football Night" is not a very good show. It just doesn't flow and they do a TERRIBLE job with the clips.....there is no energy, too many speaking errors....too much yelling by Sterling. I've been watching Chris and TJ since the beginning and much like the Howard Stern crew, I feel like I know them. I think they're doing something together on ESPN on one of the shows, I'll have to find it. I like seeing Bettis, but I wish he was on a better show. They really need to work on it. I mean for God's sake, they have a Chevy countown ticker till kickoff. I don't think we need that for a week 2 game. Stupid. On a side note...no disrespect to Eagles fans....but how perfect is it that Plaxico Burress scored in OT? The local idiot that never thinks he's wrong, Howard Eskin, has been calling him Plexiglass ever since Shannon Sharpe said it a few years ago. If memory serves me right, Plax shoved it right up his @$$ that Sunday as well. I'm not a Plax fan, I think he's a punk and could have been much better than he is if he had dedicated himself, but it's funny to see Howard get it wrong. What a tool.

Half Marathon Results

Well, it didn't end like my Dad and I wanted it to, but we both finished the race and we're both proud of that. WHen it's your first distance race, just finishing is a good goal. We set what we thought was a modest goal time of around 2:20. At 2:23 our pace would have been 11:00/miles. I've run several training runs for this race with my dad all at right around 11:00/miles. My last long run was last Sunday and I did 10 miles at 1:48 which is slightly under 11:00. My best 10K time is 55:25 so I thought I was in no danger of not getting in at 2:20. Well, that's why they play the game. Average race day temperature for the Philadelphia Distance Run Half Marathon is 63 at the starting line and 70 at the finish line. I wouldn't be surprised if it was 80 or more at the finish line today. The sun was out before the gun went off and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. Runners were hugging the edges of the road looking for shade. All of my training for this race was done around 6:30 - 7:00 AM and it seems like in this area it has been overcast at that time of day for the past month. If you run at all, you know the difference between running when it's 55-65 degrees is vastly different than running when it's 75-80. Dad training in the mountains of western PA is much more accustomed to cooler temperatures. Also, my dad fought off calf cramps almost the entire race and I actually had to leave him (after promising not to) around the halfway point. We were right on pace and averaging 11:00 through mile 4 even though he stopped running to take 2 short walk breaks. Between miles 5-6 he was having more trouble with it and I slowed down while he tried to walk off his problem. I kept running but very slowly because once I stop, I have a really tough time starting back up. We talked about it and decided I should just go ahead and meet up at the finish line. For a while I tried to speed up to make up for lost time but with the sun bearing down I went back into race pace and decided just finishing was a good goal for my first half. At this point I took a porta-potty break which cost me at least 2 minutes, maybe more. I also fought off a nasty stomach issue I was having which was caused by 1 of 3 things (TGI Fridays the night before, eating 4 Cliff Bars within 10 hours or drinking more water than I'm used to). Hey, you live and learn. I came in at 2:40 and pops finished at 2:58. I'm really proud of both of us. We were talking about it last night and before he started training for this race 12 weeks ago - I think he had only been farther than 5 miles once. Until I started training 9 weeks ago, I had only gone 7 miles before. For both of us to get to 13.1 is a major accomplishment in my eyes. I want to run a full marathon before I turn 40. However, my short term goal within the next calendar year is to run a FALL (see COLD WEATHER) half marathon much much much closer to the 2 hour limit most runners view the half for. I'll post some pictures when I get them. On a funny side note....I got passed by a guy juggling 4 balls around the 12 mile mark. I turned around to see if I could see my dad and I saw the juggler coming. He was in our corral starting out but we passed him very early. When he passed me I made everyone around us laugh by exclaiming "Shit, I just got passed by a juggler."

Muppets Doing OG Rap

This clip is NAFW (NOT appropriate for work) because it contains the song "F#%$ The Police" by NWA (not to be confused with NAFW). The dude that put this together put a lot of time into it as some of the lyrics match up with what's going on and how many people are rapping at the same time. The best tribute to this song came in "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back" when the sing it in the diner while trying to escape with the monkey. I'll try to find that clip.

I Have Gas

This is interesting to say the least. I remember when I first started driving, gas was right around $1 a gallon. I remember rolling into Sheetz with 6 quarters in my pocket, buying a fountain soda and getting the change in gas so me and my boy Chipmunk could roam the neighborhood stylin' in a shit brown '78 Toyota Corolla wagon with putty spots all over it. Damn that was a girl's dream car.

The Answer Is Yes

And the follow up question should have been "and why is your tie knot as big as your head?".

WAH!

This article is disturbing...to me anyway. When you have countries like Iran with a leader who makes no secret of the fact that he wouldn't mind seeing the U.S. and Israel wiped off the face of the planet, and Islamic militants with the same agenda - what are we supposed to do? Be as suspicious of Southern Baptists as we are of radical Islam? Is this guy insane? Listen Thalif, you can say whatever you want - I am a law abiding US citizen and I'm not worried about my privacy because I'm not breaking any laws or planning to blow anything up! Trace my Google searches, bug my phone, gps my car and follow my credit card purchases. Take a stool sample, spy on me at work and read my medical records. Sniff my farts, my breath and my armpits. If that's what it takes to stop another band of gutless cowards from killing innocent citizens and taking mothers and fathers away from their kids - then I'm all for it. This is the same idiotic logic that has us searching US grandmothers in airports while Arabs on student visas stroll right through. I'm sick of it. If that makes me insensitive - then I'm insensitive. You want it to stop, then you have to have the leaders of the countries that house terrorists stop them. These leaders hide behind the word "terrorists" when they very likely are doing the work that the government wishes it could do itself. Enough. If people in certain communities KNOW who the FBI should be investigating - then they should call the FBI. Otherwise, the FBI is going to come into your neighborhood and question everybody. It's quite simple really. Turn the bad guys in. You turn them in and stop hiding them, and we'll stop knocking on every door and asking questions. Oh yeah, Thalif......."WAH!".

Islamic Militants Throw Like Little Girls

This is from a story posted today about an attack on the US Embassy in Syria:

[Witnesses also said the gunmen tried to throw hand grenades into the embassy compound, shouting "Allah Akbar!" or "God is great!" It was not clear if any of the grenades made it over the walls, which are about 8 feet high.]

My 7 year old daughter can make a basket on a 10 foot rim and these idiots can't toss a grenade over a wall? Here's a better question? Why do we need embassies at all? What purpose can they possibly serve in this crazy world? I'll tell you what, I wouldn't want to be one of the Marines stationed in a country that houses these flaming assholes. This is the age of technology. I'm sure our government can communicate with Syria without having a compound in the country. How can we trust their government to help protect our citizens? I think it's time to start closing them.

Cut Throat League Week 1

I took the Cardinals and barely survived!

Random Thoughts Week 1

Well, I didn't get to watch as much football as I wanted to yesterday as the wife is out of town on a business trip so I ended up spending a lot of time with the princess of the house. I caught the first half of the Eagles game and most of the Manning Bowl. Also saw all the highlites for week 1. The Eagles defense looked terrible early, making Carr look like a young Brett Favre on the first drive. They tightened up as the game went on. Sad to say, but my God I still think McNabb is a tad overrated. I only watched 2 quarters and I saw at least 5 balls thrown around the ankles of receivers. I've said it before and I'll say it again - historically, his completion percentage is low and that's really bad coming from a QB who throws short so often as planned and even more short passes to the outlet when not planned. Whatever. They aren't deep enough at RB or WR to challenge for a championship this year...in my opinion anyway. The Texans looked like.....The Texans. As for the Colts, I was pleasantly surprised. Just as I thought, the Giants were able to run the ball right at them. If the G-men had more of a passing game last night, they could have really exploited the run. When the Colts play someone that can run with power up the middle and keep 8 men out of the box with the passing game, they are in trouble on defense. That being said, they are also a threat to put up 42 on any given week and could still win with giving up 200 on the ground. I was a little shocked to see Peyton throw 3 balls that should have been picked off but the Giant DBs must have went to the Ike Taylor school for hands as they couldn't squeeze any of them. Also, to me, it says something about your team when you have 1st and goal on the 2 and you don't try to pound it in on the first 2 downs. That says to me that Dungy has no confidence powering the ball in. Why not let them try to raise their confidence? It's only week 1, but I enjoy watching the teams that we could meet in the playoffs. From the rest of the highlites I saw...I don't have much to offer since I didn't see the games...but it looks like Jake Plummer might be carrying a clipboard pretty soon. Bad numbers. The Patriots new running back looked good. Trent Green got KILLED (and he's my backup qb for my fantasy league). Favre looked JUST like he did last year. Paging Aaron Rogers, paging Aaron Rogers. One of the dumbest things I heard all day came from Micahel Irvin...no surprise. When talking about TO and how he will handle Dallas, Irvin pointed out (incorrectly) that he's not used to lining up with another big name receiver on the other side. Hmmm, Jerry Rice maybe? Oh well, enough for now.

NFL RePlay Kicks Butt!

Have you seen NFL RePlay on NFL Network? It's really cool. They condense an NFL game down to 90 minutes by starting the next play as soon as the previous play ends. It's much different than last year's version. Last year they had Game Of The Week and it was a capsule of what happened and it was done by NFL Films with voice over by Harry Kalas. RePlay has the original call unfiltered. The other cool thing is, when there is a key play, they bring up the people that were involved in the play or the call in another window and they talk about the play from the press conference right after the game. When they were showing Heath Miller's td for instance, they kept showing different angles and had Cowher's, Saban's and Mile Peiora's (head of NFL officiating) comments running at the same time. They also mix in replays from NFL Films for the spectacular plays and it's amazing how much "artier?" they look as opposed to the live feed. I'm not sure how many games they are going to do this to every week, but it will really allow me to see more football than I currently do. I think it's an amazing feature for serious fans.

Superb Roster Move

In one of the better roster moves during a season I've seen in a while from the Steelers, Najeh Davenport replaced the newly acquired Cobbs from the Patriots. Cutting Cobbs also saves us from owing the Patriots a conditional draft pick. Davenport was a monster a few years ago while replacing Ahman Green. He will surely take over the short yardage situations as soon as he can prove to the coaching staff that he is healthy after breaking his ankle last year. Hopefully....HOPEFULLY.....the signing of the big back will spell the end of Staley's tenure as a Steeler. I'm not sure what this means for Verron Haynes as Najeh is a proven power back that can run between the tackles. Haynes is a good soldier who who never complains and wants to contribute. I can't wait to see Davenport in action. Looking at all the big backs who were available this year, TJ Duckett and Ron Dayne included, I actually like Davenport better as he's never shown the softness that both Dayne and Duckett have ben accused of. I will say this - if Nate Washington continues to excel at WR, maybe we should have drafted Lendale White this year instead of Santonio Holmes, although White had softness issues also if I remember correctly.

Cut That Meat! Cut That Meat!

Do you remember when Pearl Jam first came out and they had videos for Evenflow, Alive and the superb Jeremy? They were blowing up and Eddie wasn't comfortable with the whole celebrity/fame thing so they kind of went semi-underground by holding back the interviews and not doing any more videos for years. I wish Peyton Manning would sit down and watch an hour of NFL Network. Maybe he too would get sick of seeing his face and hearing his slow drawl. I've never seen something so sickening as all the TV time Peyton, Eli and Archie get. Numerous outlets like to call them cute things like the "First Family of Football" and blah blah blah. Interesting. How many Super Bowl wins do they have between the three of them? Wins? How many Super Bowl appearances do they have between them? Zero. Right. It seems like every other commercial or sideline report last night was focusing on the Sunday night matchup until I had to hear John Madden pontificate on what their mother will be thinking from the stands. I think she'll be thinking - "I think they should have dated more in highschool". I saw one outtake last night on either ESPN or NFL Network where they were all at a table and they were asked to imitate each other. Oh My God...how much more of this CRAP do I have to put up with? And then to hear the cute little story about having a family dinner and Peyton acted like he was taking notes on Eli. Brilliant! My God, the comic talent of that man! Peyton's face is all over the NFL and he seems to be in every commercial on NFL Network. If you're a fan of his, that's just peachy, but if you get off on watching Joey Porter bury him, then it's a problem. I have no issue with him personally. He's a good guy. It was noble to donate time and effort during Katrina. However, I think he should dial back his endorsements and commercials. He is toying around with backlash if you ask me by oversaturating the airwaves with his mug. Archie cracks me up too. How good is it for the game if the undisputed #1 pick holds the team with the first pick hostage every year? Play within the system. You shouldn't get to pick and choose who you want to play for when you're a rookie. I respect Peyton's game and he has plenty of it. Still, the only way to shrug the current tag that he can't win the big game....is to win the big game. Last time I checked....he doesn't play defense and he can't pass block for himself so it might not be this year either.

Who's Your Batch?

Wow. 3 TD's against 0 picks. I like it. I said he would have 2 costly turnovers and he had 1 on a bad transaction with the center. He looked calm and collected in the pocket and moved well when he needed to. I feel very confident having Charlie Bath on the team as the backup. I watched the press conference after the game and he was as happy as a 15 year old boy getting to third base with his highschool crush. In no particular order, here are some thoughts about the game: Where is Willie Reid? If we drafted him soley to return punts, shouldn't he be returning punts? And if not, why not keep a veteran with size like Quincy Morgan? Joey Porter is a monster...who loves his coach. Polamalu must scare the shit out of every offensive coordinator in the league. Not many safeties could hustle to the ball like he did to make the 4th quarter pick. Also, the way he interupted the reverse in the backfield was classic. Can you imagine trying to attack this defense? Where would you go? I loved the hit McFadden put on somebody in the 4th to seperate them from the ball. I didn't love the excessive showboating that got called out by Madden as well. He was showing us his bicepts again a few plays later. He'll be your opening day starter next year on the other side of Ike. Ike, McFadden, Troy and Anthony Smith should be the defensive backfield very soon. That's a pretty physical backfield. Willie Parker looked like he deserved every penny of his new contract. Ike did not, unless he was instructed to keep Chambers in front of him the entire night. You would think after 1 or 2 of those quick hitch passes right in front of him that they would move him up a bit to take it away because they were really working it, but they continued to have success with that play right up until the game ended. He also gave up a few mid-distance comebacks. Yeah, Chambers is a good receiver - but for all the talk about Ike being a "clamp down" kind of guy, that was NOT a clamp down type performance. Oh well, at least he will have something to work on this week. Ike also couldn't squeeze yet another pick. He really needs to work on that as well. Coke is starting to look like a liability to me at times. I think he let the long play to Booker happen by biting on a pump fake bigtime. I like the fact that we got a win in and now we get to take a nice 10 day rest before playing a very physical Jaguar team that beat us last year with Tommy Gun under center (and throwing the game away in OT!).

It's Ben, Not The System

A great article with telling numbers.

Front Office Shuffling Some Of My Favorites

Geez. So Kuhn makes the team. Then Ben gets hurt and to sign St. Pierre they release Kuhn. Chidi Iwouma had a nasty concussion in the last preseason game and he has now been released to resign Kuhn....admitting once again that they are in love with the kid. The next time he is released, if any of our division opponents have a brain, they will sign him just to spite us! Anyway, I really hope nobody signs Iwouma while Ben is healing. As soon as Ben is OK, they should release St. Pierre and resign Chidi.....how can you not like Chidi? He is a special team assassin!

Seems Appropriate For Tonight

This will get you fired up if you aren't already!

The French, Well Versed in Basic Science

Ok, this clip is in French, but it doesn't matter. What matters is how stupid the contestant and the audience is. The question is loosely translated to "Which of the following orbits the Earth?". The choices are the moon (luna), the sun (soleil) and 2 other planets that it cannot be! This moron doesnt know it's the moon so he requests help from the audience... Bad day to check the crowd as 56% of them think it's the sun! He believes them and loses on what appears to me the 3rd question. Where do the French get off acting so superior and intellectual yet they don't know it's the moon that orbits the Earth? What else don't the French know? The thing that really surprises me here is that the guy's wife is a BABE! He's some oldish, stupid knucklehead and his wife is a librarian type hottie. I can't speak French so I'll have to hope that the woman they keep showing is his daughter or maybe he's gay and she is his best friend or something. If she's really with him, it says even MORE about the French.

My Prediction For The Dolphins Game

Wow. Can you feel it? Can you believe it's time for the regular season to start already? Doesn't it seem like yesterday that Fast Willie Parker made one move and hit his hole for the longest rushing TD in Super Bowl history? Can you still see Hines Ward skipping into the endzone with his trademark smile reaching from ear to ear? Man, I am so glad they finally won one that I could enjoy in adulthood instead of being 7-13 years old. Think about it, I'm 37 and I've seen my team play in the Super Bowl 6 times winning 5 of them. Think about how many playoff games we've seen, how many big wins we've seen. Can you imagine being a fan of another team that doesn't have the playoff success that we have? Since 1973 I think the longest stretch we've ever gone without making the playoffs is 3 years. Anyway, on with the prediction: The Steelers will win tonight but it will be much closer than I originally thought. I think Batch will struggle early as the Dolphins will try everything to slow down the running game. I think the passing game will eventually force them out of it and it will be Heath Miller that does the damage that finally forces them to stop stacking the run. I'm interested to watch Jason Taylor to see how we handle premier defensive ends. I don't think they'll be able to run on us but it's not like we're going to put up 150 yards on the ground either. It may come down to the kickers and I don't think we'll cover the 5.5 point spread. I'm expecting Batch to have 2 turnovers and one will probably be costly enough to make us clench our collective butt cheeks going down the stretch. Hold on tight, enjoy the game and man - I am READY for some football.

I Like Ike

Ike is staying and to do so he accepted less money than he would have garnered on the open market. The key thing to remember here though is that it's not the same as him choosing the Steelers for less money than say the Redskins would have offered him at the same time. Everyone knows how we roll, and we roll very smartly by offering these young guys bonus money right NOW that they so desperately want. Same deal with Parker. We got Ike for $6.4 million in bonus money and he originally wanted $10. I would take $6 now as opposed to $10 next year - what if he plays terrible this year or gets injured? It all starts with drafting smart or you don't have the opportunity to make these kind of deals. He will get $15+ over the first 3 years and $23+ over 4. He'll play the first three and then the Steelers will probably try to have him resign to lower the cap number for year 4. Smart. Smart. Smart.

Not Even In The Playoffs

Peter King in his MMQB article on SI.com picked the entire field for the playoffs this week and did not include the Steelers. 19 of 22 starters are returning and he thinks Ben's appendectomy, Cowher's future and Ward's hamstring will keep them out of the playoffs. Boy is he going to feel dumb in 6 months.

Big Ben

I AM SO F-R-U-S-T-R-A-T-E-D!!!

You know, maybe it wouldn't be so frustrating if one of his injuries was at least football related. There were even rumors his rookie year that his thumb injury was caused by his Pitbull puppy. Oh well, he didn't start a handful of games last year and I guess it worked out OK. The crowd and the defense will keep us in this game. We'll be fine.

Crikey! Wally is Implicated!

While the death of Steve "The Crocodile Hunter" Irwin is being blamed on a stingray, rumor has it that the semi-famous Hanna-Barbera 2nd banana Wally Gator was in the vicinity at the time of the "accident". Gator was seen at a local pub the night before and was clearly intoxicated on Ketel-One and tonics. In one eye-witness account, Wally was hitting on another failed Hanna-Barbera character, the all-grown-up "Pebbles" Flintstone. He was buying her drinks and dancing provocatively with her when "Bamm-Bamm" showed up out of nowhere. Before he could even raise his club, Gator viciously bit off his entire right arm leaving Rubble with a bloody stump. At this point Grape Ape mentioned bringing in Irwin to calm Gator down. Overhearing the large purple primate - Gator continued to drink more vodka and became more and more agitated at the suggestion that the Aussie could control him. Upon hearing he was in the area filming a documentary, Gator downed one final triple shot of K-1 and left the establishment with "Pebbles" in tow. Hearing their stable mate had been implicated in the crime...Scooby-Doo, Shaggy, Daphney and Velma rushed to the scene to try to prove Gator's innocence. Fred wanted to make it but he hooked up with Snagglepuss while filming another Hanna-Barbera documentary "I was a flamingly gay cartoon character". More on this later.

Kuhn Cut, Staley Staying

Get the sweatsuits ready, Cowher keeps Duce but admits he'll be deactivated a lot early on as the Steelers traded for little known New England rookie, Cobbs. I'm very disappointed in the news, especially since Quincy Morgan was cut. I thought Q would make the team based on experience since the rest of the squad is so young after Hines and Ced. Oh well, I like it that Morey made the team as he is a tremendous special teams player. Let's hope Cowher runs Duce until he pukes in practices and gets his fat ass back in shape for the playoff run when he might be needed. I'm glad Dekkar got cut also, he stunk it up. Nua wasn't working out anywhere. I guess our cap situation is good enough to keep Duce as an experienced backup, but how many teams have someone making that kind of money deactivated week after week? He should be embarassed into retirement. I thought Kuhn would make the team. Maybe they'll get him back on the practice squad.

As Chris Berman Would Say.......

"And look.....at....that....little....Meggett.....GO!" And go he did. And he didn't stop, even when she said "No! Stop!". Nice. Way to go, Dave. Read the lurid details here.

I Have A Bad Feeling About Duce

"Sweats" got all of 46 yards last night on 19 carries. That's 2.4 per carry. Sickening. While those numbers alone should seal his fate, especially since it was against backups, I have a sinking feeling that Bill Cowher has a soft spot for the soft RB. I think he thinks he owes him something for stepping back and allowing Bettis to have the spotlight last year. The thing is, Duce didn't step back on his own...initially he was injured, and then Jerome just took over and couldn't be denied. It wasn't like somebody went to Duce and said "hey, can you wear your little gray sweatsuit a few more weeks - look how much fun Jerome is having". No! Bettis has heart and passion and it shows every single time he touches the ball. Duce would look better sitting in front of a tv eating a big bowl of ice cream. The fact that he was still in the game in the 4th quarter is troubling to me. It says that coach "C" is trying to shake off his rust for him since he doesn't seem to want to do it himself. Maybe coach was hoping he'd break one (yeah, right!) and then everyone in the 'burgh would have a nice cup of STFU for breakfast this morning. Not. Hopefully, what coach was doing was showing the rest of the league Duce's considerable skills (at falling down) so they will pick him up after we cut him thus alleviating his guilt over cutting him. Coach, this is the NFL, hand the turk your cards and make sure STALEY, DUCE is printed on one of them. There is no way in my mind you can justify keeping him over Kuhn who will absolutely be gobbled up if he isn't kept on our team. "The Duce is loose?" How about "The Duce, no use". Amen.