Andy Reid Uses Sons As Distraction

It's really funny how lately I've been hearing so much about how much time NFL coaches put in. Cowher needed out. I heard Bill Walsh say he retired too early last night but he was burned out. Gruden sleeps 4 hours a night. Spurrier couldn't handle the schedule and got out. Last night in the Philadelphia area - both of Andy Reid's sons were in trouble with the law in mutually exclusive events (right, wink wink). One was in a road rage incident and apparently pulled a gun on the other driver and pointed it at him. The other slammed into another car injuring the driver and the police found drug paraphernalia in the car. Hmmmm. Listen, I've watched a lot of detective shows on tv, and if my hunch is right, this was just a "cover up". A massive, massive "cover-up". If the Philly blues do their homework and due diligence on this case - I'm betting they'll find that the closest food store to the Reid's house got jacked last night. I'm thinking Reid was furious that McNabb talked to the press in Miami and went on a crazed food binge. He probably ate everything in the house, screamed at the boys and told them to go out and cause a diversion. After the boys left the house scared for their lives (Andy has threatened to eat both of them on separate occasions before) he waited patiently before changing into his size XXXXL black sweat suit. Having trouble pulling the waistband over his last fold, he slit it an inch and finally got it on. He waddled out the back door and over to the local Genuardi's. After surprising the last employee out by distracting him and asking if he wanted Jeff Garcia's autograph, Reid decked him with the frozen turkey he carries with him in case he gets stranded and needs food. After entering the food store - he followed his normal routine upon entering - he walked over to the baked good aisles and pleasured himself to the smell of doughnuts. After cleaning up, he made his way through each department sampling everything in site. When his first son called to ask for advice and told him that he just pulled a gun on someone while driving his car - Andy barely heard him over the crunching of Cheetos. He simply told him to stay out for at least another hour so police would not come to the house first and notice Andy was missing. By the time son number two called with news that he was found with drug items in his car - Andy was having a high of his own. His eyes were almost rolled back in his head as he was dipping various pepperoni meat-type products in mayonnaise and chasing it with chocolate milk. He belched, used the facility to bomb the Kurds and quickly waddled back to the comfort of his home. The police wouldn't be there to search the house for the gun for another 10 minutes. Andy sighed a sigh of relief, knowing that the sons he ignores took a hit for him so he could feed his inner demons.

Cowher on HBO = Yawn

Well, almost as expected, the piece that King raved about was guiltless self-promotion. He was at Cowher's house (which they didn't show) and they went into a tape room and as Bill pontificated on what might happen, they then ran that exact scenario on Madden '06. It was a 5 minute piece and no time to get into any depth whatsoever. Regarding Dog's last comment, maybe they did get into depth but then it was edited out due to lack of total understanding! Anway - Cowher predicts the Bears are not afraid of Dallas Clark deep over the middle because that is Urlacher's territory and he can cover it. Other gems? They will chip Freeney to slow him down by bringing someone over in motion right before the snap. Not much else to chew on as I didn't think the piece on air equalled what King described in his article. I think the piece got edited down. The show was busy last night as they had Bill Walsh on who was only given weeks to live after being diagnosed with acute leukemia. Walsh was defiant in defending the west coast offense by pointing out if you run on 1st down and get 4 yards you are applauded for "establishing the run" and "setting the tone". His question to these critics? What's wrong with passing for 4 or 5 yards on first down? Who knows. I know it's nice to have a physical running game when you are trying to run out the clock with a lead. I also know when it's 3rd and 3 or 4 defenses have to respect the run if you can run. He was then called the greatest Super Bowl coach of all time. Hmmmm, seems to me he won 3 and Chuck Noll won 4.

Saban: Still An Asshole

You know, loyal LSU fans loved this guy and he just insulted every single one of them by using a cajun racial slur with an interviewer "off the record". Thank God the interviewers probably wanted him to hang himself because they leaked it to the public. Good for them. Nick Saban is the walking definition of disloyal and dishonest.

A Few Thoughts For iRobot

Christmas brought Muriel to our house this year to do some vacuuming. We received an iRobot Roomba Red as a gift this year (thanks pops!) and my daughter named it Muriel after the maid on The Suite Life of Zach and Cody. Roomba Red serves not only as a floor cleaner, but also as the most expensive cat toy on the planet. My two intellectually challenged felines are fascinated by this strange object that glides over the floors. Typically they will stay in the same room as the robot and only move if they find themselves in the immediate path of the intruder. Trust me, it's been stuck on long curtains and an extension cord since we've been using it - and it will not surprise me the day I come upstairs from the basement office to find Muriel spinning, smoking and gasping with 2 legs, a tail and a cat ass spinning around in circles spitting cat hairs out instead of picking them up. Either that, or one of them will saddle the damn thing up and I'll find him sitting on it wearing a pilot's scarf and goggles....chasing the other one that will end up 50% in the belly of the beast. Enough with the cats - anyway - we liked it so much that we added the scheduler and homebase. Now Muriel can come out every few days, vacuum and find her way back to the home port and plug herself back in. Nice feature! So nice, in fact, that we've now ordered a Scooba! The Scooba vacuums , wets with solution and dries hard floors like kitchens and bathrooms. Sweet! Maybe they'll fall in love and reproduce. I can have one in every room! No, even that's not why I started to write about this. I'm writing about this because it's 2007. We put a man on the moon in the 60's! You'd think in 2007 we'd have more capability than simply cleaning floors. True, true....iRobot added the "Dirt Dog" for your workshop, but that's just the Hummer of Roombas. I'm talking forward thinking ingenuity. If I were CEO of iRobot, I'd be introducing a new concept every month until they fired me. My agenda would look like this:

Poopba - This stinky machine would clean litter boxes. Scoop, shake off the loose pieces, bag...repeat. Tie bag. Refill. Scooba can then clean the Poopba.

Snowba - This bad boy would snow blow my driveway using the same technology as the Roomba with one major difference. It would roll and blow instead of roll and suck. Easy modification.

Prickba - Prickba has some engineering issues to be worked out as the prototype can only be used once. This is how early versions work: person pisses you off while driving, you get in front of said person, pull lever which drops Prickba on the road from the under carriage of your vehicle, Prickba waits 1.42 seconds and then explodes with the force of 10 sticks of dynamite. Legal issues are still being worked out.

Choreba - Let's say your wife has a great idea or a project that you should attempt. She can press a button on the Choreba and detail the specs which Choreba will record. Choreba will then wait until her footsteps are out of range and use it's sensors to find you. It will then laugh maniacally as two robotic arms emerge: one with her specs on a crumpled piece of paper, and one holding your favorite ice cold alcoholic beverage.

Jackba - Jackba was designed to be used on those nights when your significant other isn't really in the........huh?.....oh rats......I can't finish this now......my wife needs me to do a chore for her. Make mental note to elevate Choreba to first priority after becoming iRobot CEO.

Cowher on HBO

Peter King sits down with Bill Cowher to watch tape of the Bears and Colts on this week's Inside The NFL on HBO. It airs for the first time tomorrow night. King goes on to say in his web column that Cowher is very excited and animated while discussing the potential X's and O's matchup that Dallas Clark presents. He feels that Cowher looks well rested and from talking to him - that he may stay out of coaching for 2 years instead of 1. Interesting. He also notes that Bill does such a good job explaining the plays, that a tv analyst position could be in his future. I hope not next year. I hope he takes the full year to himself. King also goes into the Tomlin hiring and thinks the Rooneys were on the fence and went with him because of his youth and upside.

Hilarious SB XLI Spoof

Check this out! Thanks Still A South for the link contribution. Use the link on the spoof page to see last year's equivalent when it was The Stillers.

Know Your Enemy

A better title might have been "Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it". Why do places like North Korea and Iran feel the need to position themselves in the nuclear age? When all other options failed before, this is what happened. What makes them so sure it won't happen again?

Slanted #35

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Real Guitar Hero

While millions of kids across the country sit in front of their PS2 playing Guitar Hero and pressing buttons - this kid actually has a real guitar and learned how to play it. He's 11. Let's take the best Guitar Hero player at 18 and put him up against this dude at 18 and see who gets the most chicks. He just needs to let his hair grow and get some contacts.

Working Women Baggage

Can someone...anyone....explain to me why women have to bring so much stuff to work? I've been a white-collar worker now for 15 years and I've never, ever...EVER...carried more than a briefcase to the office. My office window overlooks our parking lot which we share with another business. I watch with amazement each day at the volume of crap these size 2 through 10 women are able to carry. Not only that, it was eleven degrees this morning and everyone was dressed bulky. On the rare occasion I have something for lunch that doesn't fit in the briefcase, sure, I'll take a small lunch cooler with me. However, when I took the train into the city for 5 years straight - I ate out every day JUST SO I wouldn't have to look like a pack mule on the rails. There was nothing worse than a business woman coming down the aisle, bumping every aisle rider in the head with her considerable amount of bags as she marched to her seat. I get out of my car this morning with my briefcase and off I go. I really don't even need it, but it's a good way to carry headphones, gum, bananas, power bars, chap-stick, pens and cds. Another guy gets out carrying a cup of coffee and a sling bag. Good job! The first woman of the day pulls up and gets out after reaching across her seat to get her bag off of the passenger seat. She proceeds to the back door and gets what appears to be a laptop out. That goes over the other shoulder. We go from there to the trunk to get another hand held bag with a strap and a briefcase type bag. Four bags. Another guy comes...1 bag. Another girl comes...3 bags. It continues like this for an hour. Every female without fail has at minimum 3 bags. Most have 4. Some have MORE than 4 including purse. Not one guy has more than two. That throws out the purse theory. What kind of mystery is this? What are we guys missing? I want to know what's in there - but I also don't want to know. I know it's going to be something like "well smart ass, I carry War & Peace in case the turnpike closes down while I'm on it so I have something to read. I take the laptop home so I can work a little in my spare time (you're not fooling anybody - you don't even turn it on). I have 3 snacks all in separate containers for morning, early afternoon and late afternoon. I have 2 cans of Diet Coke because it's cheaper than the machines. I have extra plastic ware in case our kitchen is out. I have 2 cell phones, an iPod and all their chargers. I have a cake mix, 2 eggs and a 1/4 cup of milk in case the office needs cheering up. I have a yoga mat and my blowup exercise ball for my break. Are you happy NOW smart ass? Oh, you want to know what's in the other 2 as well?". No, I don't. I want to know if business women have a higher rate of back pain than the rest of the population.

Whipple Gets The Squeeze

Coach Tomlin decided to promote Bruce Arians to Offensive Coordinator and also hire Kenny Anderson as Ben's new QB coach. Mark Whipple is out of the mix. Not sure if that would have happened if he didn't regress a little bit this year. I will say this - the man had more tipped interceptions or interceptions off Steeler's chests than I've ever seen. I'd like to find a hard number on his picks without tips or drops. Kenny Anderson? Isn't the man a Bengal icon? More records than Boomer Esiason? In the Burgh? Curious. Hmmm. I'll have to think on that one. Anyway - I've been reading Bruce Arians clippings since the coaching hunt started and the man does not lack confidence. He's been saying all along he hopes he gets promoted to this job and if not here then somewhere else. He's used to calling plays. He called them at Temple where....wait a minute....Temple has a football team? Oh, nevermind. I'm sure he'll be fine. He even took a little jab at Ken Whisenhunt the other day by saying he suggested so many plays during his tenure here that Whiz was probably tired of him. I think it was a minor dig at Ken by publically saying he "called" his fair share of plays over the years. Whatever. As long as we continue to have our identity on offense, we'll be Ok.

Slanted #34

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Runnin' With The Devil

Well, for all the fun I make of reunion tours - I'm finally in the market to go see one. Howard Stern reported this morning and several websites are confirming that Van Halen will tour this summer with David Lee Roth back in the fold. The only lineup change is that Eddie's son Wolfgang will be on bass instead of Michael Anthony. Talk about reliving a different time in your life - sometimes there is nothing I like more than putting on a classic Van Halen song like "Take Your Whiskey Home" or "Unchained" and pounding them out on my drums. I absolutely loved the original lineup of Van Halen and I still listen to all their music right up through 1984. I liked some of 5150 and all of "Eat'em and Smile", but it ends there. I never wanted to see Van Hagar live and I refused to see some of Roth's latest tours although I would have went to see the lineup he had for Smile. The original lineup of Van Halen to me exemplifies sex, drugs and rock-n-roll. Dave is THE classic frontman and there will never be another one like him. He just wanted the music to be fun and he wanted to be over the top. I read his book "Crazy From The Heat" and I really enjoyed it. I always thought it was kind of silly for these two huge egos to not put their differences aside and continue to make music together. I have a feeling that if they did, they would have remained like Rush and their core fans would have continued to buy their music right through the Nirvana phase of music. They may not have had any more hits or multi-platinum albums, but I would have bought every one of them and I'm sure a million other people would have also. Now let's just hope Dave doesn't piss Eddie off before they make it to my area.

Thoughts On Mike Tomlin Hiring

After soaking all of the drama in for a few days, I think I finally understand the decision of Mike Tomlin as head coach. First of all, he fits more of the "Rooney Rules" than Russ Grimm does. Tomlin is the age that they like. Tomlin is a defensive guy. Tomlin was a defensive coordinator. Tomlin is from outside the organization. The only thing Russ Grimm had going for him that the Rooney's like is that he's a local boy. Tomlin is from Virginia. Now, putting all those rules aside - I think they were just more impressed with Tomlin. I really feel that since the Steelers finished a disappointing 8-8 last season - they felt the need to shake things up. Maybe productivity was going down due to comfort level. I've seen that happen before in jobs. Someone leaves a management position and now "one of the guys" takes over and they don't command the same respect. Bringing in an unknown will put everyone on edge and they will all be busting their asses when camp rolls around to impress the new coach. I think they Rooneys discussed money with Russ at the 2nd interview and he read too much into it. The Trib source claims Grimm was told he could tell those close to him that we was going to get the job. Grimm now says that didn't happen. I have a hard believing the Rooneys offered him the job and then rescinded. It doesn't sound like them....or should I say it doesn't sound like Dan. We're all still feeling out how Art II works. I also found it a little odd that when Grimm left the building after packing his boxes for Arizona and The Whiz that he said "I'm A Pittsburgh guy, I'll be back." Does his new employer halfway across the country really want to hear that he's planning on returning already? And in what capacity did he mean that? Maybe he'd be a good fit for Pitt. And just what's wrong with Grimm anyway that he can't land one of these jobs? The Bears passed. The Cardinals passed. Maybe the Rooneys were thinking "What are our fans going to think if we hire the loser of the Cardinal's coaching job? What if Arizona goes 10-6 and we go 8-8 again. People will kill us for not hiring Ken Whisenhunt." All plausible scenarios I guess. Anyway, I watched the press conference and I was excited when it was over. This team needs a kick in the butt and it will be fun to watch Dick Lebeau preach the 3-4 to a 4-3 cover 2 disciple. We'll see which one wins out. If we draft a lot of DLs this year, get ready for the 4-3. I'm guessing they'll stay base 3-4 this year but maybe work in some 4-3 sets in special situations. Either that or the Rooneys used the Jedi Mind Trick on young Tomlin and made him retain Yoda (LeBeau) to reprogram himself. We'll see.

Still A. Dog Guest Post

A guest article from Still A. Dog lamenting on the current state of the NFL.

Blame The Steelers

I have been watching football for a long time now. By my recollection around 43 years. I started out at around 7 or 8 years old watching the old AFL on NBC. At that time Curt Gowdy and Charley Jones were the announcers and Paul Maguire was the punter and linebacker for the Buffalo Bills. Boy have things changed. And not all for the better either.

In those days the AFL had the 2 point conversion and the NFL did not. The 2 point conversion was adopted by the NFL at the time of the league merger in 1970. But very little has improved since then. Oh yeah, the players are bigger, stronger, faster, better athletes etc. But the game itself has been pussified to the point that sometimes, for an old guy like me, it's hard to watch anymore.

Recently -and you'll see more and more of this in the coming 2 weeks- old Super Bowls have been replayed in their entirety on TV. And watching some of those old games now you can really see how the game has changed over the years.

Back in the 60s and 70s real men played the game. You saw very little, if any, taunting as the players do today. The game was played with respect for your opponent. No celebrations after TDs, no dances after tackles, no gesturing after breaking up a pass. Every single play was not cause for celebration. I suppose TV is to blame for that but that's not the point. The point is that taunting and celebrating are not supposed to be part of the game. It's OK to get excited but that crap is for entertainment value and not for the purist enjoyment of a football game.

That part of the "modernization" of football aside, the worst part of modern football are the rule changes. Can't cut block anymore. Can't hit the QB anywhere but precisely on the numbered part of his torso or it's a personal foul. No more clothesline tackles. What the old guys called "bulldogging" has evolved into "horsecollaring" and now that's illegal. No more headslaps. No more hands to the face. The violence of the game is slowly being diluted to the point that not only should the QBs wear a skirt -as Jack Lambert once declared- but the entire team might as well dress for a tea party instead of a football game. While it was OK in the 70s for "Turkey" Jones to lay a suplex on Terry Bradshaw, it is a 15 yard penalty for "Silverback" Harrison to do the same to a stubborn RB who just won't go down easy.

All this just makes the officials jobs much more difficult than they were meant to be. Too many judgement calls. Is it any wonder they have to use replay reviews? There's just too much to legislate in real time.

So how did this pussification movement evolve? Looking at old film of Ray Nitchske, and Dick Butkus they certainly laid the wood and got in some extracurricular punches, shoves and kicks without a big thing being made of it. Dick "Night Train" Lane of the Detroit Lions almost single-handedly caused the outlawing of the Clothesline tackle. Deacon Jones may or may not have invented the head slap but he surely perfected it as a pass rushing technique. At other times I've seen Joe Greene kick and punch guys who were holding him and Lambert was notorious for throwing elbows and blows after the whistle.

Jack Tatum of the Oakland Raiders may well have been imprisoned for some of the hits he made. And I'm not just talking about the one that gave Lynn Swann a concussion. He also put Daryl Stingley in a wheelchair permanently. But Woody Hayes taught him all that stuff way back at Ohio State. That was football back in the day. It wasn't a dance contest.

This all culminated with the Steel Curtain Steelers of the 1970s. The most fearsome defense of all time. And the reason? In addition to being excellent athletes, these Steelers perfected the techniques for intimidation developed by their predecessors mentioned above. A whole team of headhunters. "Turnpike" Ernie Holmes was crazy enough to shoot a shotgun at Ohio State Police! Who's gonna mess with a dude like that? The Steelers became so dominant that the league felt they had to make rule changes to level the playing field for other teams. The 5-yard chuck rule was enacted to limit the effectiveness of cornerbacks like Mel Blount who were big enough, strong enough, and fast enough to just knock the snot out of every receiver they lined up against all over the field rendering him completely ineffective. Never before did a team have defensive personnel who, in addition to just beating you outright, could intimidate you within the rules of the time.

Look at film from Super Bowl X. Jack Lambert would not have made it through 2 quarters without disqualification if that game were played today. Dwight "Mad Dog" White was not afraid to use a little clothesline here or there either despite the fact that it had already been outlawed.

So us old guys can lament the pussification and the Disneyfication of today's NFL all we want. It's not likely to change. But the game was much more enjoyable when the hits were real, the players were men, and a 4 yard complete pass 2 yards shy of a first down didn't call for a choreographed dance. And who do we have to blame for this? The 1970s Pittsburgh Steelers. A team so good they had to change the game.

It's Official; New Nightmare Scenario

The Steelers website has reported that Mike Tomlin will be named today at a 3:30 pm press conference. ESPN is reporting that Dick LeBeau will stay. How on Earth do they know that? Was it part of Tomlin accepting a deal? Who knows. We'll see. In other news today - Bill Parcells retired. Now, which owner besides Daniel Snyder likes to collect big names? Right, Jerry Jones. Since all the other coaching decisions have been mostly made - he is left with no marquee coach. Why is this a nightmare scenario? What if he backs up the Brinks truck to Bill Cowher's porch in NC? What if he gives the Steelers multiple picks to hire The Chin? It would be good for the Steelers - but bad for Bill's legacy in Pittsburgh as it will then definitely be all about the money. Jones will offer to make Cowher the highest paid coach of all-time. How could he resist? Lord, help us. I was going to be able to accept Bill taking a year or two off and then resurfacing in Carolina to coach the Panthers. I don't know if I can accept him working for the Boys.

Search Over?

Tomlin it is? I'll wait for the press conference to be sure.

Steelers New Coach, Bad Feelings?

I'll tell you what? With all the weird things going on surrounding this selection - how can the new coach not feel like he was being played against the other? Multiple sources reported the coach had been selected....but with a different coach! I'll assume ESPN had better sources and it will be Tomlin, but my goodness. Kind of weird that the Steelers are in a kind of circus atmosphere which is SOOOOO unlike them.

A Good Read

I finished my second Malcolm Gladwell book this weekend - blink. It's a very good book on par with The Tipping Point. Not sure which one I like better as they are both food for thought for curious people. The book deals with what goes on inside your unconscious when you make a split second decision. One cool topic was "thin slicing". A study was done where a psychologist (www.gottman.com) interviewed couples...hundreds if not thousands of them. He video taped the interviews (30 minutes) and then played them back frame by frame looking for micro expressions and charting their feelings based on facial expressions and body language. He was able to predict whether the couple would still be married a set time in the distance with uncanny accuracy. He got so good at it that he could "thin slice" a conversation he overheard or just a very short clip from one of the interviews and still predict divorce while only dropping slightly in success rate of prediction. Another group of scientists mapped every facial muscle and every expression you can possibly make and then named them in a coded fashion (Facial Action Coding System which is now taught and studied). They also look for micro expressions and can predict lying better than any machine by simply reading faces and almost disregarding what is being said. They were able to watch tape of a famous Russian spy case where the accused was acquitted. Watched at regular speed you couldn't see anything, but when slowed down and examined - they could catch the micro expressions of the man actually smirking for hundredths of a second before he lied. It's really cool stuff. Another theory is that we stop mind reading when our hearts go above a certain rate so we stop making good decisions and rely on our most basic instincts. An entire chapter is dedicated to the killing of Amadou Diallo by 4 police officers. It's theorized that as their adrenaline and heart rates increased - they stopped paying attention to external clues about what was really happening at the time of the shooting. I can't do it justice in a few sentences, but it's very interesting to read what went through each officer's mind at the time of the shooting. Everything seemed plausible from the way they described it, but in the big picture - it made little sense. Those are just a few of the concepts talked about. There are many more. I totally recommend it.

Championship Week Thoughts

In no particular order:

I loved watching the snow and muck fall in Chicago. It's what the mind conjures up when you think "playoff football". Fast forward to Indy in the sterile dome.......exactly.......football should not be played in a dome.

It always amazes me that whenever the Bears play, if there is a ball on the carpet, a Bear will recover. That's not luck, that's good coaching.

The Patriots secondary is outstanding. I don't think I've ever seen so many passes defensed in a single game - all the same way as well - a big mitt right between the hands of the receivers.

Another thing that is pretty impressive is the fact that Brady is out there whizzing passes to two guys like Caldwell and Gaffney. Remember Marino's receivers after the Marks Brothers? Neither does anybody else. He is out there dueling with Peyton Manning who has a first ballot Hall-Of-Famer in Harrison, Reggie Wayne and an outstanding TE in Dallas Clark. It's almost like a gunfight where one man is armed with a Beretta 9mm and the other has an old board with a rusty nail stuck in it.

Phil Simms can be good, but he can be very bad as well. I could not believe he made the statement he made at the beginning of the game. He was liking the fact that Brady was throwing on first down and said the Patriots didn't want to make the same mistake as KC and the Ravens did....running the ball too much because of Indy's lack of run defense. What?! The Ravens ran the ball with a RB 17 times. Do these guys do their homework at all? Should Joe Schmoe sitting on his couch be able to say "that's bullshit" 3 times during a game when these guys are getting paid tons of money to just talk about football?

The stats they were showing on Manning's regular season prowess (.4 picks per game) vs. his playoff failures (2.4 per game) were amazing. It's almost hard to comprehend. I just remember the Colts killing the Steelers in the regular season last year and then physically being outmatched in the playoff game when they had Peyton on his back the entire game.

I'm happy for Tony Dungy. As an ex-Steeler player and coach and pretty good human being - I'm truly happy for him.

I wish to God Manning's people would talk to him and suggest that perhaps he take it easy on the endorsements. I've already talked about it, but geez it's tough sitting through all those commercials.

How about Eli's reaction to the one TD? Stoic would describe it perfectly - but then again he always looks stoned to me. I wonder if he's really happy for his brother, or secretly wishes it was him?

Drew Brees picked a bad week to have his worst game of the season. I feel bad for him as I genuinely like him as well. Where was Deuce McAllister in this game and why didn't they try to get him off earlier?

At least the Steelers 4 Super Bowls in 6 years won't be matched for at least another 6 years.

Reche Caldwell probably cost his team a trip to the Super Bowl. Now...in true Belichick fashion...will he be back next year? I can see Bill cutting him.

Totally Perplexed

I read numerous accounts of the story that SI.com posted Saturday stating that Tomlin was announced as coach. There just doesn't seem to be a good reason for it. Could it be that SI.com had already written 3 different pieces that announce the Steelers new coach - each with a different choice - and one of them was posted accidently? That seems far fetched. The only conclusion that makes sense to me is that Tomlin is the choice and someone couldn't contain themselves from leaking it to the press....yet nobody will confirm the report taking the legs out from under the story. Weird. Well, I guess there's still hope for Grimmy as I favor the continuity angle. If they are waiting to interview Rivera a second time, I wish they would just come out and say it.

Slanted #33

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Whiz Wants Arians...and more

Well, the Steelers may want to name Grimmy before Whiz raids the cookie jar. He has asked for permission to interview Bruce Arians as well as a defensive coach and our special teams coach. Well, if Dog is right and Mark Whipple would be better as OC than Arians - then he can have all 3 if you ask me. Our special teams haven't been special in quite some time! If the Steelers name Grimm, he may keep most of the assistants. However, if Tomlin or Rivera gets the nod - they will likely clean house and bring in their own people. Did you notice who Whiz fired as the Cardinals OC? None other than Mike Kruczek!

What If Granny Died In A Grocery Store?

Let's suppose your grandma keels over in the grocery store while looking at oatmeal. I don't know why, but for argument's sake, we'll just say it was her time. Does the family go into the cold cereal and breakfast item aisle and erect a monument? No. If your best friend has a heart attack at work after an extremely stressful day, do the other workers have to look at a cross, teddy bear and flowers on the exact spot he died for the next 5 years? No. If Fatty McButterpants chokes on a McNugget and dies inside the local McDonalds in the back corner booth, will there be a makeshift memorial in the booth the next time I go in for my fry fix? Again, a resounding "No!". So, why does it seem like I'm passing a roadside memorial every 10 miles these days? I'm not trying to be rude or insensitive. Really, I'm not. I'm just trying to understand the logic. I have deceased relatives. Everyone does. When I want to show my respect, I go to the cemetery where they are buried. I do not go to the EXACT spot on the face of the Earth where they died. If you Google "roadside memorials" you will see that most state and local governments are starting to have policies against them. Of course the families flip out because the big bad government is opposing their will.....no, the governments are trying to keep the roads clean and safe and clear of things that can act as obstacles or distractions which can be even more dangerous. Wise up. It's not personal, it's logical. Cemeteries. Look into them. Cremation. Buy an urn.

Golden Globes....Zzzzzzzz

I really tried to watch The Golden Globe Awards last night as I usually like to devour pop culture. However, the older I get, the more disdain I have for most of these people as they stand up and act like they are 10 times more important than us average Joe's because they "act". I don't want to throw everyone into that category, because there certainly are celebrities that you can just tell don't let it all go straight to their head. It's the egotistical types that think their IQs go up 50 points when they put on a tuxedo or gown and walk into an awards show that bother me. And what is UP with Renee Zellweger? Is it just me or does she always look like she's eating a lemon while someone is shining a 20 million candlepower light in her face?

Saintly Pitt and Jolie

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are moving to New Orleans so their kids can go to school there and Angelina can meet "normal" moms so their kids can do normal things. One gay guy who lives in his mom's basement gives a shit.

Reading Between The Lines

While I've never read that Art Rooney II or Bill Cowher has gone on record as saying they don't like each other - I'm starting to piece together a puzzle that says as much. While no single item points to this, many small items added together surely do. I read an article that pointed out that during Cowher's press conference, he thanked Dan Rooney and mentioned "The Chief", but did not thank Art Rooney II who has been running the team officially since 1993 while Dan remained Chairman. The same article also pointed out that Art did not show much love when he introduced Cowher at the conference - doing it very quickly. Remember, it was Art who mentioned - correctly - a few years ago that it was time for the Steelers to win another Championship. Was that a subtle way of telling Bill Cowher he couldn't hold the job forever without winning one? Was it Bill's way of telling Art to go "F himself" by resigning so soon after finally winning it all? I'm assuming Art had final say over Cowher's contract as team President. There are always going to be Cowher detractors, but the city has to be slanted in his (Cowher's) favor at least 80-20. I'm just not sure what all of this means. I read something this morning that is so subtle the article I read didn't even mention the possibility of the Art Rooney / Bill Cowher rift entering into it. Chan Gailey was added to the Steelers search for a head coach and had the recommendation of.....Bill Cowher. It is rumored that he gave no such support for Grimmy or The Whiz. So, after the Steelers interviewed Chan Gailey - they announced their shortlist for second interviews. Gailey was not on the list. Hmmmm. The second I read that, I bridged the stories together to come to the conclusion that maybe Art II used Gailey as a pawn in his chess match with Bill Cowher. It was another instance where he could take a little jab while remaining classy and not make anything public. It's just a theory. I'm not taking sides. I was a big fan of Bill Cowher. Like Still A Dog, I feel that he was too conservative at times in the second half of his career - but he did bring us a tremendous amount of success and respect in those 15 years.

Lip Action

Listen to this ultimate fighter declare "I'm not gay!".

The funniest thing about the clip is that "Ooooooooooooh" is the same in every language.

Mike Sherman?

Even more reason to believe we are now just positioning ourselves to offer Grimm less money. I'm kind of getting annoyed at this. If Grimm is indeed their choice - why not make him feel like it and just take him off the table? I don't understand. I'm starting to wonder if he really is their first choice. The only thing I remember about Sherman's days in Green Bay is the time he got in Warren Sapp's face for a cheap shot which seriosuly injured a Packer who had no chance of making a play on the ball as he was 20 yards away at the time. Sherman confronted Sapp after the game.

Whisenhunt Doomed To Mediocrity

Well, your new Steelers head coach will not be one Ken Whisenhunt who accepted a 4 year contract with an option for a fifth year with the Arizona Cardinals. I really like Ken and I hope he does well there, but come on. How many times do we need to be fooled by this team in the preseason? How many times in the last 10 years have you heard pundits gush over this team and pick them to make the playoffs? I'm glad he got a head coaching position as it stregthens the roots on the Cowher coaching tree - but this franchise is doomed. It's like a curse has been placed on it. I'm also starting to wonder what's taking the Steelers so long to announce Russ Grimm if he is indeed their first choice? If he isn't, who are they going to surprise us with?

Billick Needs A Math Lesson

....and since I'm a math major, I'm just the guy to give it to him. I mean really - the man is so smug it makes me want to puke. This is a lesson that my 7 year old daughter could understand......on the first try. Here goes:

The Colts have a historically bad run defense. They give up an average of 173 yards per game on the ground. 173. That's not a typo. That's worst in the league this year and the worst average for a playoff team....EVER. The Ravens called 19 running plays. Let's repeat those facts. Colts = historically bad run defense. Ravens = 19 running plays. I might be able to understand that if they couldn't run the ball, but here are the numbers: Jamal Lewis had 13 for 53. That's 4 point something per carry. Mike Anderson was 4 for 18. That's 4.5 per carry. WHAT? I watched this game with Chrissy TwoCoats and we were BEGGING the Ravens to run the ball. WTF? They threw on first down more than the Colts did I think. At one point in the third quarter they ran on first down and got 8. Ran on second down and got 3. Damn, that was hard. Let's throw the ball! You beat the Colts by keeping Manning off the field. You need long, sustained drives if you want to beat them. Billick got so enamored with McNair that he decided to risk everything by getting cute. Listen, the Colts and Peyton Manning knew that Samari Rolle was the weak link on defense and they KILLED him. No Mercy. Right from the coin toss they went after him and it worked. If I was calling the offense for the Ravens, I would have taken a drive early in the game and not thrown one pass until they force me to punt. The Ravens (and as a Steeler fan I hate to say this) are an attitude team. Running the ball is an attitude. Billick is a moron. McNair is not Peyton Manning. They are two different QBs out of two different molds. McNair is just the glue that holds the team together. He's a manager type. He wins with toughness, not his arm. I really had no vested interest in this game. I hate the Ravens but I'm equally sick of seeing Manning's face as the face of the NFL. The Ravens at least play Steeler football. Had they come out with the game plan they used against us in the first meeting this year - they would have had a much better chance of winning this game. Oh, and maybe more stupid than Billick not running was Andy Reid giving the ball back to the Saints last night with two timeouts and less than 3 minutes on the clock. On 3rd and 10 I'm already assuming it's 4 down territory and just trying to get 6-7 yards to keep them guessing on 4th down. Two coaches that are supposed to be smart making HUGE mistakes last night.....but what do I know?

Guest Post From Still A Dog

From Still A Dog:

COLTS STILL OWN BALTIMORE!!
MAYFLOWER 15, RAVENS 6
McNAIR BOLLERS THINGS UP
RAVENS AND THEIR FANS PREMATURELY EJACULATE
BALTIMORE COLTS 15, CLEVELAND BROWNS 6
FESTIVUS OVER. STEELERS STILL NFL CHAMPS

Baltimore- On an unseasonably warm day in Charm City the Indianapolis (nee Baltimore) Colts served notice that they still own the city they left in the middle of the night 23 years ago. Mayflower moving vans moved the only real football team this city ever had and that team returned to crush the Ravens playoff hopes, doing so without even scoring a touchdown.

Raven QB Steve McNair, known locally as the Winged God of Passing, looked much like his bumbling idiot of a backup, Kyle Boller, for most of the afternoon. His ill timed interceptions drained from the team what little life the Ravens offense had shown. Brought in as a starter to replace the hapless Boller, McNair, washed up and beat down in Tennessee, gave false hope to Baltimorons everywhere that he was indeed the missing link. Yesterday the world saw why McNair will never win a Super Bowl and why every one of the other 31 teams in the league passed on signing him after his release from Tennessee.

The fans of the Ravens dressed gayly in purple feathers tried everything they could to cheer their thug laden team to victory. After defeating the World Champion Pittsburgh Steelers twice this season the Raven fans annointed themselves NFL Champions before their team ever suited up for a playoff game. This air of superiority carried over to the team. Alleged murderer, Ray Lewis, said that the Ravens didn't have to worry about Peyton Manning. He declared that instead, the Colts should be worrying about "us." Note to Ray- Ah, this might come as a surprise to you, you not watching the pregame shows and all, but Peyton Manning is if anything the most thoroughly prepared QB in the league. Might want to spend just a little more time worrying about him next time. So with what their coach calls "Swagger" the city called the whole 2006-07 post-season "Festivus." Festivus going back to 2000 represented a 5 week celebration of Ravens football greatness and invincibility. Festivus has now been called off until further notice.

The Festivus celebration culminated at it's apex on Friday when Baltimore media called for Purple Passion day or some such nonsense. A day when every Ravens fan and clueless idiot within a 50 mile radius of the Chesepeake Bay wore purple to work. These type of days are common for fans on a Friday leading up to a Super Bowl appearance but not prior to the first playoff appearance by a team in 3 years. On Friday morning local TV personality Marty Bass had to remind the mindless mob to cheer for the Ravens not against the other team. But his advice fell on deaf ears as noted by Peyton Manning's post-game observation on National TV that he had never seen so many middle fingers as on his bus ride to M&T Bank Stadium.

So the Ravens, their fans, the city of Baltimore were ripe for a beating on Saturday and that's just what they got. Smug and self righteous in their premature ejaculation, they got their asses beat.

And the Super Bowl trophy still sits in Pittsburgh.

Chan Gailey - Huh?

The Steelers announced they are interviewing former Offensive Coordinator Chan Gailey for the open Head Coach position. If I'm Russ Grimm, I'm thinking they are doing this in order to drop my price when an offer is finally made. Chan Gailey? This is the man that introduced 5 wide receiver sets to Kordell Stewart. He's 55. He's currently a college coach. None of this fits the Rooney formula for selecting a coach. So why is he here? Your guess is as good as mine but I'd bet the house that he doesn't get hired. I hope and pray they aren't trying to make it look like Russ Grimm isn't their obvious choice to give them more leverage when it comes to making him an offer. If Barry Switzer gets an interview, then we'll know their strategy for sure.

Taking Some On The Chin

This is the opposite of what I posted the other day. These plays are very memorable to me, but also painful. I almost think I can remember these plays more vividly than my favorite plays.

Obviously the most gut-wrenching is Neil O'Donnell's second interception in Super Bowl XXX. Down 3 and driving, I can still see our group of friends standing in front of the TV bouncing up and down with each successful play, anticipating pulling off maybe the biggest Super Bowl upset since the Jets. After the pick, I'm not sure I said 50 words the rest of the day.

Almost as bad, the last offensive play for us in the AFC Championship game in 1994 against San Diego. When I watch replays of that play, I still stand by my original assessment that had O'Donnell pulled the trigger a half second earlier - we would have been in back-to-back Super Bowls for the third time in history. The Chargers had no business at all being in that Super Bowl. If memory serves, a journeyman DB whose name escapes me completely blew a coverage and allowed SD to go up on us.

How about the "running into the kicker" play by Dewayne Washington that ended our playoff run in 2002.

What list would be complete without Kordell Stewart's interception against Denver in the playoffs in 2001...you know, the one where Bill Romanowski taunted him by pointing to his head and calling him "stupid". That play may have changed Korky's future as he never got his groove back.

Great, now I'm depressed on a Friday.

The Dee O Double G

I was going through my old photo album today looking for a photo that I promised someone. I came across this beauty - one that I had completely forgotten about. Remember when Still A. Dog married Anna Kournikova right in Trinity Lutheran Church? Man, that was a great reception. Probably the most star-studded party that town has ever seen. Dog, I'm sorry she left you for Dennis Rodman, but you would have never met your wonderful current wife had she not. I'd take your wife over Kournikova any day of the week.

Full Metal Mashup

Cool! Another YouTube mashup joining two of my all-time favorites. This time it's Stanley Kubrick's Full Metal Jacket and Rankin & Bass's Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer. They cut together perfectly the audio from the first time the drill sergeant meets his new class with the video from when the Elf Boss gets after Hermey for not being a good toy maker. Enjoy, but be careful for goodness' sake....this language is NOT even CLOSE to being appropriate for work.

Slanted #32

Click Image For A Larger View

Best Plays Under The Chin - Listmania #4

In no particular order, I decided to list the the most memorable plays and scenes to me from the Bill Cowher years. I am probably going to forget a few since this is off the top of my head, but I thought it would be a fun exercise and a brain break in the middle of my day. Feel free to share your own or add comments if I made you remember something.

I remember the great fake punt call in Cowher's first game as a head coach. I was at my grandmother's house watching that game. I remember it like it was yesterday. Hard to believe it's 15 years later.

I remember watching a Monday Night Football game against the Bills in the early 90's with two friends from my hometown - even though we were 300 miles away in a crappy 1 bedroom apartment. I remember Don Beebe catching a pass near the sideline and almost being killed by one Gary Jones. I remember the three of us "Ooooh'ing" and "Aaaaah'ing" so loudly that the single spinster that lived below me started beating on her ceiling. Man, that was the best hit I remember watching as it happened.

From last year, I remember Jerome Bettis running over Brian Urlacher in a must win game in the snow to help cement the deal of leading the Steelers back to the playoffs and their 5th Super Bowl Championship.

I remember Greg Lloyd taunting Dan Marino in the media before another big Monday Night Football game - saying he was going to knock him out of the game. Almost true to his word, Lloyd came after him extra hard on one play and took him out after the pass had been thrown. Marino grabbed Lloyd's jersey and pulled him in and pushed him away in disgust.

I remember the surprise onside kick in Super Bowl 30 when Deion Figures snared the ball out of mid-air and continued to run even though you can't move it forward once possession is gained. What I really loved about this play was what NFL Films captured while Bill Cowher was miked-up. The exchange between Cowher and Special Teams coach Bobby April to call the play was superb and then Cowher gushing and asking the refs to congratulate and validate the call were priceless.

I remember Willie Williams making a shoestring tackle on 3rd and 1 against the Colts in the 1995 AFC Championship Game that gave us the chance to go to the Super Bowl. If not for that tackle - we're history.

Much like the Ben Roethlisberger tackle of the idiot Colt who got stabbed by his wife in the week leading up to Super Bowl XL. Bettis fumbling going in for the insurance TD gave the Colts new life but Big Ben's backpedalling tackle was something to see.

I remember Hines Ward hurdling two Eagles to get into the endzone at the best game I ever attended. The Steelers were 6-1 and the Eagles I think were 8-0 when they locked up horns in 2004. The Steelers romped as Bettis went wild.

I remember Kordell Stewart's first TD pass against the Browns when he zigzagged around for what seemed like an eternity before finally finding a target to throw to. I also remember Korky hitting Bobby Shaw down the seam in a playoff victory against the Ravens in 2001 to help seal the win.

I remember Rod Woodson pointing to his knee and taunting Michael Irvin after he defended a pass against him in Super Bowl XXX. Irvin earlier said he hoped Rod Woodson would have to cover him on his bad knee. If you remember, Woodson was out since game 1 against Detroit when Barry Sanders made him lose his jock.

I remember "The Chin" acting like he was going to tackle the Jaguar who picked up a blocked FG and was returning it for a TD against the Steelers back in the Jaguars early days. I also remember Cowher stuffing a photo into the shirt pocket of the official that called a penalty for 12 men on the field against them when they only had 11.

I guess that's enough, but I think I could do this all day. Tomorrow - the worst plays I remember.

Bill Belichick Did Not Invent Football

Thanks to my bro-in-law for forwarding this article to me as I asked my sister yesterday for any local articles pertaining to it. Watch the link on YouTube mentioned in the article. I saw this happen live and was disgusted that the announcers really didn't say much about it. I mean, wtf? After he shoved the camera at the first guy and hugged Mangini - watch how he departs. The cameras stopped rolling but he looked like he was going to clear a path the same way he got to Mangini. I respect the guy as a coach and if you play him in the Super Bowl you will probably lose because with 2 weeks to prepare he is almost unbeatable - but I get so sick of his superior attitude towards the press. Like this article states - without the press - there wouldn't be anyone to sing his "praises" - and yes, I used a religious word on purpose since the man thinks he's godlike. Here is the most telling thing about Bill Belichick and don't ever let his fans forget it - in Cleveland as a head coach he was 36-44 which included a 5-11 final season. The things that make him good now are an owner that cares about winning and a Hall Of Fame quarterback. I don't care how good a coach is, without the right players at key positions - they've got nothing. When Brady is no longer a Patriot, we'll see how well Bill does - and I hope the media gets so far up his ass that they come out his mouth. Thing is, he'll probably retire so he doesn't have to rebuild. I'd like to mail him $40 so he can buy a decent shirt. A sweatshirt is bad enough but to cut the sleeves off? This is clearly a man who likes to thumb his nose at everyone. I hope he and Peter King will be happy together after they marry.

It Feels Like Butter, Charlie Brown

Thanks to Still A. South for the contribution.

Andy Reid Switches Endorsements

So, I'm guessing Andy Reid is off his diet? After hawking LA Weightloss for the past few years in the Philadelphia media, Reid is now endorsing another local favorite...Tastycake! Damn, he looks bigger than ever. Did you see that look after the timeout was called with 2:02 left? I thought he was going to have a massive heart attack right there. How can he preach conditioning to his players looking like that? Sheesh.

Slantedamus

Well, I was looking for something I wrote in the past just now - and I came across several things that I said much earlier in the year that happened to make me look like I might just have a clue every once in a while. I was looking for the first time I thought Cowher might leave. I thought about it on June 30th and even mentioned Russ Grimm as the replacement I'd like. That wasn't close to being an actual prediction as much as it was a "what if" exercise. The real good stuff was about players and the money they were pulling down. Cases in point:

When Antwaan Randle El left for his $31 million over 7 years with $11.5 guaranteed - I not so boldly predicted that he wouldn't have 60 catches and wouldn't last 4 years. He ended the season with 32 catches for 351 yards and 3 tds. For punt returns, he averaged 8.8 yards per return and scored 1 TD. That was good enough for 20th in the league and 11 places behind Santonio Holmes who was 9th.

On November 19th I strongly disagreed with Peter King who was praising Nick Saban and calling him one of the 5 best coaches in the league. Right. If 27 other coaches resigned maybe. Maybe.

On February 12th I was lobbying for Kimo to not be resigned since "The Diesel" was coming around. Kimo got $9 million for 3 years from the Jets.

During the offseason I made fun of the Panthers for signing DeShaun Foster to a 3 year deal worth $14 million. He put up 897 yards and 3 TDs. An undrafted free agent rookie could have done that.

I made fun of the Titans for paying David Givens $24 million over 5 years with $8 million up front. True, he got hurt in game 5, but through those 5 games he had a scorching 8 catches for 104 yards and 0 TDs. Nice work from your big free agent.

I opined about The Edge skipping mini camps with the Cardinals after signing a 4 year deal for $30 million making the point that he never faced 8 men in the box as a Colt due to their prolific passing game. Maybe he'd like to practice that. He had his 7th worst average in 8 seasons finishing with a stunning 3.4 yards per attempt and 6 TDs. Out of all running backs in the league with a minimum of 100 carries - he finished 43rd....and it cost the Cardinals$7.5 million dollars.

I made fun of Ashley Lelie acting like a prima dona before he's really done anything. He shut me up though with 28 catches for 430 yards and 1 TD in 15 games. Nice going.

And who could forget Nate Burleson - getting $49 million over 7 years from Seattle because they were mad the Vikings signed away Hutchinson? Even though it's structured to be more like a 3 year $10 million dollar deal, is that worth the 18 catches for 192 yards and 2 touches he put up? And he appeared in all 16 games - starting in 7. You paid a guy that much who couldn't even START for you?

I also said this about the Colts on September 11th after watching the Manning Bowl: When the Colts play someone that can run with power up the middle and keep 8 men out of the box with the passing game, they are in trouble on defense. That being said, they are also a threat to put up 42 on any given week and could still win with giving up 200 on the ground. I watched the Denver game in week 1 also and thought that Jake would be carrying the clip board before long. Big surprise there.

Of course I didn't get anything wrong......well, I maybe said I thought we'd repeat. He He. Maybe called Peter King crazy because he didn't have the Steelers in the playoffs before the season started. He He. I'm sure there's more, but why dwell on the negatives?

Very Classy

A very classy press conference indeed. Now let's hope he stays retired a few years! I felt like he was very honest and forthcoming. I no longer think he has any interest in the Dolphins job, or any job for that matter. That was probably all rumor and speculation. Seeing the press conference live makes we wish he had signed on for a few more years.

Say It Ain't So, Bill

Oh My. Read This. I was going to be able to handle Bill Cowher leaving the Steelers to sit in North Carolina and watch his daughters play some basketball. I figured he'd do that until the youngest is out of college and then come back out of retirement to the highest bidder. I would have wished him well in that case. If he leaves the Steelers and then negotiates to coach another team in 2007, it will change my opinion drastically. That means it's all about the Benjamins, baby. Didn't Jerome Bettis take less money to remain a Steeler three times during his career? After his first contract, the Redskins offered him more but he stayed. He then took massive paycuts to remain in the black and gold his last two seasons. I guess Coach Cowher gets frustrated when he sees these idiots like Nick Saban and Steve Spurrier walk right in with no NFL experience and make more money than him when he has been there 15 years and has had the kind of success that he has. I'll grant him that, but he's a homeboy and he's banked millions upon millions anyway. Unlike his players, he doesn't have a $4 million dollar home and a tricked out Hummer for every day of the week. If the Rooney family was offering $5 million and he leaves for $8, I will still appreciate all he has done for the team....but "The Chin" will leave a sour taste on my tongue. Can you imagine the love affair with the city if he stayed for less dough? The second the Rooneys had the new stadium they started paying bonuses big enough to keep the core players that they used to lose in Cowher's early days. How he could walk with his first ever franchise quarterback entering his prime years is beyond me. In Miami, he'd be starting out with the same old quaterbacking problems he's had here for 12 years. I guess we'll have to wait to see what develops.

Saban: What A Giant Asshole

I just watched this idiot smirk through a press conference on NFL Network and he made me sick. I think he may actually be mentally disturbed as he used the pronoun "We" when talking about LSU, Miami and Alabama. Um, coach, you can only be one "We" at a time. How on Earth do you go to press conferences and say "I am not taking the Alabama job"...and follow that up with..."didn't I just say that? Do I have to repeat myself? I am not taking the Alabama job" and then (drumroll please) take the Alabama job? Who really gets screwed here? Well, everybody BUT Nick Saban. The Dolphins players now have to learn an entirely new system. The owner was lied to. The Dolphins fans. The LSU fans who still love the guy. I'll even add Alabama to this list because they are getting a coach who is 15-17 in the last 2 years and paying him a guaranteed $32 million. If he sucks after 3-4 years and they fire him......he still gets paid. Nice deal. So, OK Nick, take the job - but don't come off like a lout for a few weeks leading up to it. Then, to add insult to injury, he tried to throw some blame on Wayne Huizenga by saying "I told Wayne if he ordered me to stay I would, even though my heart was somewhere else". Bullshit. That's a chicken shit excuse for not being able to "man up" about HIS choices. Furthermore - to one local reporter he also threw some blame on his wife saying how much she loves the college tradition and atmosphere. Then why on Earth did you leave LSU? You were already a GOD there. Damn, didn't this guy see the movie about Steve Inferior? College coaching does not equal NFL coaching. In college you are a guy making millions dictating to someone who has no job, grew up in the hood and needs a father figure at that age. In the NFL you are a guy making $4 million TRYING to dictate to a guy who makes $8 million. So, instead of staying around and fighting to try to right the Miami ship which he promised to do coming in - he ran like a scared dog back to a job with basically no consequences. I mean people actually gathered to surround this idiot when he got off the plane in Alabama like he was a savior or something. It's all a bit silly, isn't it? How can he look any kid in the eye when he recruits them and promises them that he'll be there until they graduate? Better yet, why would any kid believe him?

Ford - Funeral Thoughts

Do you think somewhere his soul his watching all of this saying, "For Christ's sake, just bury me already!". I mean he died like what, 2 months ago (or so it seems). Put the body in the ground. The man was president for about half a term and he was never elected! Don't take this as disrespect - I'm a registered Republican. It's just that waiting on line for hours to see a closed casket with a human being in it that you never met - makes no sense to someone like me. Hell, he might not even be in there. I might fly to the next destination and wait on line 2 hours just to flip the lid open when I finally get to it. If you think about it now, it's kind of ironic that Chevy played Ford on SNL. When presented with the age old question of Chevy or Ford - I pick Sushi every time.

New Twist To Cowher Decision

The Rooney family has agreed to give Bill Cowher until next Tuesday to make a final decision as to if he will return for another season. Sounds good in theory. The problem is, Ken Whisenhunt and Russ Grimm are already scheduled to have interviews with Atlanta and Arizona. If Whiz takes the Atlanta job and Grimm gets the Arizona job - then Cowher decides to walk - I will not be a happy camper. There could be a silver lining in all of this if it plays out that way - The Dog has been a fan of Mark Whipple for some time and thinks he is as good a candidate as any. I hate it that our coaching situation has turned into the kind of circus that I can't stand. I'm sure the Rooneys feel the same way.

I Feel Good

Check out this video of James Brown being interviewed. This is apparently after he was released from jail for either popping his wife or driving away from police....or were those related? Anyway - it's hilarious that his "peeps" let him go on camera in this state, because he's absolutely feeling good.

Vick Is The Answer

It just hit me watching NFL Network at lunch today - Mike Vick is the NFL's version of Allen Iverson. Flashy, exciting to watch, sells tickets in home city, scores points - what's not to like? Doesn't grasp the team concept, doesn't make players around him better, doesn't play defense (ha!), kills coaches......oh, ok. The Sixers couldn't win with AI but wouldn't trade him and seemed content to just be competitive and make the playoffs every year - or barely miss. It was never bad enough to demand his trade and they did win the opener against the Lakers the one time they did make it to the finals. The Falcons appear to be heading in that direction as they faltered again in the second half of this season and ended up getting Jim Mora Jr. fired. You may never be out of a game when down by 14 points with Vick as your quarterback as he can take it to the house on any play. If you want that kind of excitement out of your quarterback, then you have to live with not having too many 80 yard touchdown drives and all the three-and-outs that come with it. They seem like a match made in heaven, don't they? If Whisenhunt goes there, don't expect him to last more than 3 seasons.

Monty Python Meets Star Wars

This is probably old, but I just saw it for the first time today. If you're a fan of both Holy Grail and Star Wars, you should find this entertaining. I remember seeing Holy Grail as far back as in high school and as recently as the week before Christmas while on the treadmill during a rainy morning. Who hasn't been hurt only to exclaim "It's only a flesh wound" in a bad English accent?