Turnpike? More Like Turnstile....

Well, the Steelers suffered their first defeat of the season yesterday in magnificent fashion. A lot of people were saying the offensive line problems were fixed. Right, and Mike Tyson is now a babysitter. Much like Tyson would eat the small children, the Steelers offensive line looked a little like Niagra Falls yesterday. Defenders were rushing in and putting him on the carpet before he finished his backdrop. Phil Freakin' Simms was saying after the 4th or 5th sack that he should start thinking about getting rid of the ball instead of taking the sacks. Are you kidding me? Was he watching the same game we were? Ben had ZERO chance to get rid of those balls. Maybe on a few of them, but not when Phil suggested it. So, what was it? What was the cause? Let's assume they change nothing before halftime and try to make the adjustments there. Did they try to give him help? Yes. Did it help? No. Why didn't it help? Because they rushed from every angle possible and always seemed to bring someone free. I don't know how you're supposed to drop back to pass when a guy that is starting out 8 feet from you is running forward full speed without a guy even touching him at you. You can't do it. Had we been able to run the ball, it would have helped, but we couldn't do that either. Draws to slow it down? No way. No time. They would have taken the handoff themselves. Our defense played well also, but it's been a long time since I've seen our offense so handcuffed. Ben got hit often, but I still think we hit McNabb harder. So, we had the entire halftime to adjust and we really didn't. Their defensive line is about twice as talented as our offensive line plus they had better schemes. I saw a guy run right past Hartwig (who full on blocked another guy) but what I saw was a lack of communication before the snap where he didn't point to him or scream out "who has this F'er right here?" before snapping the ball. These are things our centers of the past did. Anyway.....other things I noticed...... Anthony Smith should just be cut. He's a low class idiot and we don't need players like him. At some point he's going to cost us the ball and/or 15 yards at a critical juncture. The Eagles punter took the wind out of our sails at least 3 times, maybe 4. When kicking from the endzone, I got excited as I thought the prospect of getting the ball on the 50 might spark the offense. Not. I think he kicked it to the 28 or something. Nate Washington could have caught a pass that he had 2 hands on to sustain a drive after halftime. Jeff Reed showed me distance I didn't know he had. The announcers were crucifying the Steelers for not kicking the FG late needing two scores, but what they failed to point out in their enjoyment of pointing it out - was that the clock was running and we were out of timeouts. It would have taken a lot of time to run the offense off.....bring the FG unit out.....set....kick...... I think in effect he was licking his wounds and already thinking about The Ravens. I'm not faulting him for not kicking the FG in that situation. I think at minimum 20-30 seconds would have been needed....IF they even got it off before being called for delay of game. Oh, I also think Ben did not ground that ball. He had a guy in the area and it was batted without a chance to get to the line. However, his knee was hitting at the same exact time so you have to think Fatboy Reid would have seen that and challenged it as well. I was glad to see the teams talk after the game. It seemed to me they had a lot of respect for each other. I don't mind losing a close game to a good team on the road. We just need to get our heads out of our asses and fix the O-Line problem for the Ravens and Giants and other teams with a rush.

Rats

Well, for the second year in a row, I have a very "MySpace Like" photo in a bathroom mirror from a cell phone camera following my half marathon. I am actually quite disgusted with myself over my time. It's 15 minutes over what it was just last November. That's more than a minute per mile, but most of that has to do with me slowing down to a crawl after mile 8. For one thing, it's much hotter today than normal for this time of year and that equates to about 25 degrees warmer than when I ran last November. It's crazy that weather can affect you that much, but it does. Second....I had more stomach issues today after taking gel. I slowed down to walk at a water stop and took the gel and water while walking then started to run again immediately. All of a sudden I felt like I ate 12 tacos at Taco Bell and wasked it down with 10 Iron Cities! My stomach felt loose and queasy for the remainder of the race. I'm really disappointed, but it will help me train for my next one. I think I need to take the advice of what I read about not trying to do anything special about food the day before. Just do what you do. In retrospect, I don't do anything special the nigth before a training run of 10 miles so why do anything different for this race? Phooey. Oh well, even though I finish at the back of the pack for my age group....I have to keep telling myself that: A. not too many casual runners even run half marathons, and B. over 16,000 people entered the race and only a little over 13,100 even finished. The far left of the road had golf carts with runners going back to the start all day. I really wish they would include the people that didnt finish in the age placements......but I don't know why I care.

go

go

----------
Sent from my Verizon Wireless mobile phone

Mother Nature Hates Fan

When I ran my first half marathon at the Philadelphia Distance Run two years ago, there wasn't a cloud in the sky and we suffered like crazy out there as it neared 80 with some heavy humidity. My second half last fall was a dreary day in November where we fought rain clouds most of the day. I debated which race to run this year, the September version or the November one - and I chose the September one after rereading the average start and finish temperatures for the PDR. Well, the forecast for Sunday is a balmy 78 and sunny in the city. SHUCK! I've been doing all my long training runs at 6:00 in temperatures between 57-64 starting out. This race starts at 7:45 which is around the time I'm normally finishing. I'm screwed. Goodbye 2:10, Hello 2:20.

Cuckoo Catchoo

Which photo is of Philadelphia Eagles head coach Andy Reid? Which is of Seattle Seachickens coach Mike Holmgren? And which is of a sad, brooding, real walrus?

Keisel, Here We Go Again

Just like last year, we're losing a quality starter early. Like Aaron Smith last year, we will now be without Brett Keisel for up to two months. Does this mean McBean is in or will Orpheus Roye move into the starters role? Who knows. Get healthy, Deisel.....we'll need you for the playoff run.

Boring NFL Clips

When Football Night In America started, I thought I would enjoy it, although I knew I would miss Chris Berman and Tom Jackson doing the highlights on ESPN. I'm thinking ABC should have trucked those guys in for their prime time show. Bringing back Dan Patrick is horrible. Teaming him with former partner and bleeding heart liberal puke Keith Olbermann is even worse. They think it's 1990 and it's still cute to try to outwit each other during highlights. Putting these two with Bob Costas makes for three idiots trying to outsmart each other. I used to hate Colinsworth back when he first started announcing in the early 90's, but now he's clearly the smartest football guy in the room. Barber and Bettis, try as they may, cannot even begin to compete with Chris. They never say anything that wasn't totally obvious to even the most casual of football fans. What it comes down to is that I want to watch the clips and hear nothing else. I might have to start going online to find them or check out NFL Network to see who does them there. I think Dion Sanders might help so I probably can't watch that either. How the heck hard is it to find two people to read clips who don't annoy me? I swear Olbermann and Patrick are so smug they must gloat at each other's lines during commercial breaks. What a pair of losers. God, I hate announcers.

Crown Their Ass

The Browns are who we thought they were. If you want to go ahead and crown their ass, then go ahead....crown them. At 0-2, Winslow is still talking about winning the division but at least he called our defense "great" not "good". Romeo said his team is inches from beating us. Well, that counts, dude....maybe we should just go ahead and give them the win? Steeler football is Willie Parker running, Ben throwing a minimum number of passes and the other team rarely crossing midfield. The Browns? They're who we thought they were......the same old Browns.

Happy Birthday Ruby Suckay's

So Princess turned nine today...I can't believe it. Although her big party for her friends was Saturday, we took her out for dinner tonight. She likes to have the wait staff sing to her on her birthday and last year at Texas Roadhouse she sat in a saddle while they sang to her. We gave her her choice tonight and she chose Ruby Tuesday's as she likes the salad bar. When Mom took her to the salad bar, I went over and told the hostess it was her birthday and we'd like them to sing to her. She informed me they don't sing anymore but she could bring a sundae for her and we could sing if we wanted to. I thanked her and went back to my table. As she was finishing her dinner, she wondered out loud if they were going to sing to her and asked me if I told anyone it was her birthday. I broke it to her that they wouldn't be singing but she was getting a birthday sundae. It was small, but nice. When the check came....they charged us for the sundae as well. I couldn't believe it. If I would have known we were paying for the sundae, I would have let her pick whichever dessert she wanted! One year at Houlihan's, they asked if we wanted their birthday dessert when they came over to sing. When they found out it was for a child they said the cake was too big and instead brought a small sundae piled high with whipped cream for no charge....before I even had a chance to turn down the cake. I wondered why RT would stop singing and I thought maybe people were getting annoyed with 2-3 interruptions per meal eaten out....but if they allow the table to sing, isn't it the same thing? Oh well......

With Friends Like This

The Jag's Richard Collier was shot recently and I think he's still in pretty bad shape. The police are now saying he was targeted. Luckily for him, friends and teammates have added $10,000 to the normal $1,000 offered for tips leading to the arrest of the perps. Um, this may speak to how well his friends and teammates like him. I just Googled it, and the average NFL salary for this year is $1,169,470. Each team has 53 players. The salary cap per team is $116 million dollars. Now think about it.....a teammate is shot point blank and critically wounded. The salary and bonus together as total compensation in the locker room is $116 million dollars. They raised $10k for this guy. That's like me tossing a quarter out the wondow on my way to work in the morning. I'd rather have nothing than that if I was poor Richard. If each teammate gave $10k, that would be worth noting. Sad.....but funny.

Tom Brady: Blame Belichick

Hey, Tom! How's your knee? Isn't Karma a bitch? Remember last year when Belichick had you in games with a 24 point lead late? When the backup could have been in learning the system and getting some "real speed" snaps? Remember sitting with Belichick in his secret lab going over all the defensive calls of your next opponent that he got from illegal tapings? You don't? Do you know that AFC fans (and probably NFC fans) have been waiting for Belichick to prove he's a genius without you? Waiting so long..... You see, Tom, Bill Belichick wasn't a genius with Cleveland. He sucked with the Browns. Cowher was like 8-1 against him then. He wasn't a genius with Drew Bledsoe at the helm either. No, I think Bill has been riding your coat tails for some time now and I've said it before in the past. Now we're going to see how he does when his star player goes down which hasn't happened to him in a long time. I see the end of a self proclaimed "dynasty" coming. They have stopped drafting well and started hiring mercenaries like Seau and Lynch to name a few....stars in the twilight of their careers. He's done it more and more the past few seasons. I can't wait for Moss to go back to the huddle and chirp at the new guy (who is so nameless I can't remember his name). Oh the bliss in watching Randy yell at him as the team implodes. Sorry Chrissy Twocoats, I don't wish for anyone to get hurt, but that's different from enjoying what may happen now that he has already been hurt. The smugness was gone from his press conference. He looked like a deer in headlights. Now let's see him coach and manage Moss with a QB who won't be asked to win games. I can't wait. And, I hope once other teams get up on them, they continue to pile on the points....and I will love every minute of it. Every second of every minute.....

Disclaimer: If Belichick does coach out his ass and they make the playoffs and win a game, I will be deleting this post from the archives. Nyah!

One Down, Fifteen To Go

Ok, so I borrowed the image from Pittgirl.......sue me. I know it was the Texans, but my God. We looked unstoppable. Ben was 13 of 14 and sat out the 4th quarter. Nice game. Fast Willie Parker was fast, and a little beefier(?) on the power runs. I'm not sure what I was disappointed about, but this is what I liked in no particular order. I liked Ben getting the ball out quickly. He was quick and decisive. I liked seeing Willie take the corner a few times....he didn't lose the speed when he got hurt last year. I like seeing Lamar Woodley doing his best Greg Lloyd impersonation. I liked seeing Timmons getting in there as well. We have six LBs who can start on any team in the league. I liked the spot on the 4th and 1 on the Shaub sneak (he he). I liked Tomlin's reaction to that play as well. He reminded me of a young Bill Cowher. I think I fell asleep in the 4th quarter at some point due to waking up at 5 AM and running 11 miles starting at the ass crack of dawn, then laying in a hot tub for an hour followed by cleaning out a flat stone patio in preperation for re-sanding it after the game.....why do I mention that? I'm wondering if I missed Limas Sweed? I wanted to see him and I didn't. To continue - I loved the kick coverage. Gay and that other running back did a wonderful job getting down and not allowing the guy to make a move on them.

What didn't I like? The announcers. Randy Cross is horrible. I swear he called Ben "Roethlisberg" a few times. They also say things out their asses that Steeler fans know to be untrue. In a nutshell, they suck. I didn't like seeing Ike Taylor get picked on early. I don't think he's the shut down corner we thought we had a few years ago. He's solid, no more, no less. I wasn't crazy about Anthony Smith making the team this year. Maybe he'll wise up and be more of a thinker this year. Other than that, you can't find many bad things to say. Take it in stride, it was the Texans, but it sure feels good to get week 1 out of the way with a win. Cowher had a knack for slow starts and I hated that aspect of his tenure. Maybe we can get out 2-0 with the Brown Underwear Stains next week.

Palin Protected By Fox

US Weekly might want to pick a different individual to go on news shows to defend their stories. This dude got hammered.

Is There A Stronger Term Than Tree Hugger?

For the love of God, this is funny. I'll be the first to admit that when I see a cool looking tree, I can really appreciate it and stare at it and find it amazing. In that same breath - if you cut it down and use it for firewood....fine by me!

Palin, Sign Me Up

So, where can I pick up a McCain/Palin sign to plant in my yard?

SI's Dr. Z Hits Nail On Head

Preseason polls suck, all of them. Let me get that out of the way first. Magazines come out in April picking the SB winner. Stupid. People write about who will be MVP or this or that. Crap. You know what I'm really sick of? The talk of The Browns. Blah Blah Blah. A one-year-wonder QB (most likely), a coach who rode the coattails of Bill Belimort who continues to ride the coattails of Tom Brady.....and a slew of suspect free agent signings. Why the love? No idea. People like to pick a team that's 9-7 or 8-8 and on the upswing. I'm not sure they're on the upswing. I could go on and on about all the Brown's press. WHat I do know, is the same thing Dr. Z knows in his preseason rankings. Check it out:

He has them at #14 and says "Everyone loves them, including the guys who set the preseason Super Bowl odds. Me? I say beat Pittsburgh, then I'll get interested. They've lost to the Steelers nine-straight times."

Amen.

Palindrone

Holy Cow. Not used to having a female politician that's a looker. Is she, or am I just getting older? I dig the glasses. Big Time. I can't wait to hear her speak tonight as I have yet to even see a news clip of her in action. Depending on what you read, the move to name her is either genius or idiotic. Howard Stern was leaning towards voting for McCain until now. He thinks it's totally irresponsible to have a woman who was just the mayor of a 6,000 person town 2 years ago a heartbeat away from leading the country. He also wonders how she has time to manage all of this with her family and her son with Down Syndrome. Who knows? If a woman with a DS child can be a lawyer or a CEO and work 14 hour days, I suppose one can also be Vice President or President. It's a weird question really. Why should we assume she should be home with her son when we wouldn't if it was the child's dad running for office? I guess it's really the preconception that the mom should be home with the kids, especially a special needs kid. Why is that? I don't know but I have to admit, on the surface Stern's argument holds some water with me. Heck I don't even aspire to be a VP of a company because of the time it would take to put in. I would miss my kid growing up to some degree but I'm a very involved parent. If Dad is home every night at 5-6, why can't Mom hold whatever job she wants? Celebrities always have other people and nannies raise their kids. The real question is, is it any of our business anyway? For all I know, other governors and other VPs have had special needs kids and it's only an issue now because of the 24/7 media. I'm more concerned with her experience. I hear she hates corruption and wants to fight it, yet the case against her for wanting someone fired looks bad. There is talk her daughter was pressured into saying she is going to marry the father of her unborn baby. Again, I'm not sure what this has to do with her ability to lead. What one person believes or follows is hard to push off on their children. Look at it this way......how many politicians that preach family values have children under 18 that are sexually active? Right. All of them that have children under 18! It's only bad if they get pregnant because then everyone knows. In today's age, how can you pick a candidate that doesn't have things you don't want to disclose? You can be the most conservative person on the planet and try to raise your kids to make good choices.....but short of chaining up a 17 year old in their room, how do you stop them from getting pregnant? If she makes a bad choice at 17, is it the Mom's fault? If she failed to use birth control just that once....does it make her mom any less worthy? Think about it....this woman is being judged because her daughter may have had sex one time out of 100 without making sure that jimmy was wrapped. What does one have to do with the other? All of the negative media attention may actually end up working in her favor. I know all the liberal Hollywood types that hate the tabloids are probably enjoying this episode yet they rail about it when it happens to them. I don't know how I feel about it. I want to judge her solely on her record, but her record is more like a vinyl 45 right now. I think if the McCain people think Hilary voters will move towards Palin, they are wrong. Romney or Huckabee would have been safe picks. Tom Ridge was a safe pick. Joe Lieberman would have been a safer pick, but still rebellious. This pick is way the heck out there and like I said in the beginning, it's either brilliant or a brilliant mistake. Time will tell. It's just hard for me to imagine looking at this woman who could be Vice Frickin President of the United States and saying to myself, "Hmmmm, I'd like to see her in her knickers....with her glasses still on".

Mahan Experiment Over

Wow. That was fast. One year. In my opinion, it was about 10 starts too long as well at seventeen. Listen, when you have Ray Mansfield, Mike Webster, Dermonti Dawson and Jeff Hartings starting exclusively at center since the late 60's, if you play center for this team, you've got Paul Bunyan type shoes to fill, you feel me? The offensive line is the heart and soul of the Stillers and it always has been. Is Sean Mahan a scapegoat? Possibly. Maybe Grimmy bolting to be with his lover The Whiz is the real reason for the poor line play. Maybe the new coach doesn't know dick about OL play. Maybe Colon, Kemo Eat You, Starks and Essex were all just bad picks and now we;re stuck for a few years with them....or, maybe.....just maybe.....the center is the most integral offensive position on our team and Mahan just wasn't up to the task. How many times did Ben take the snap and take off running? Too many to remember. That pressure wasn't normally coming from the sides - it was too fast. It was coming right up the gut. Either Mahan was blocking the wrong guy or not blocking at all. I'm not a coach, I don't know what his assignments are, but I know that Ben leaving pocket before he can say "Oh Shit!" is not how it is supposed to go. I thought Mahan had enough experience to challenge for a guard spot or at minimum add depth to the line as a backup, but I guess not. I'm guessing he just didn't take his demotion well so we cut our losses. I'll tell you one thing, there have been more suspect personnel moves in Tomlin's first year and a half than Cowher's last five years combined.

John Kuhn Still A Packer

I see that John Kuhn ended up playing for the Pack last year and got a new $455,ooo contract in March of '08 to play this year. Good for him. He was a feel good story from The Shipw ho impressed a lot of Steeler fans during camp last year. I really thought he would make the team. He's listed as a FB but with all their injuries over there to the ballcarriers, I bet he may see a decent number of touches this year. Wouldn't it be cool if he broke out into a poor man's Mike Alstott? I hope he kicks tail over there in the NFC.

Willie Reid Is Gone

Slantedamus was right yet again. Willie Reid was cut this year in favor of Dallas Baker making the 5 wideouts Holmes, Ward, Washington, Sweed and Baker. I thought Baker might get beat out by Micah Rucker, a 6'6" 221 lb monster, but Baker is a nice size and has spend a year on the practice squad. I'm guessing Mewelde Moore spelled the beginning of the end with his ability to return both punts and kicks. I wasn't surprised by any of the cuts this year, mostly because I failed to watch a ton of preseason games! I guess I was a little surprised to see Orpheus Roye back on the roster instead of developing a younger player. I also feel bad for Charlie Batch. What started out looking like a shorter injury has turned into being placed on IR. I hope Ben stays healthy, I don't want to have to rely on Lefwich for any length of time. Can't wait to start the weekly game capsules.

Best Fans, Duh!

ESPN ranks Steelers fans as best in the league. Tell me something I didn't already know.

In The "Line" Of Fire

SI sent out their annual football preview issue today. They had six regional covers and wouldn't you know Donovan McPuke graced our cover. Right....what? How about Ben? If you want to sell copies on the newstands, there has to be data that would back up a Roethlisberger cover over McNabb. Anyway, I digress. Still A Dog wants football. Let's talk football. In the issue, they go into the key for some team's success. Of course, they talked about the Steeler's Offensive Line. Thing is, I wasn't sure if they meant Offensive - like opposite of Defensive - line......or if they meant Offensive - like "F*ck me their line play is simply offensive "- line. We'll give them the benefit of the doubt and say it's the first choice. They are still listing Starks as a backup, so there's a front office screw up right there. Remember, he's getting paid like, zillions of dollars this year. Ouch. They call Colon a mauler on runs. Hmmmm. How about pass protection? They protect Ben like Marino's lines used to run block. Exactly! The thing that worries me, and they mentioned it, and The Dog mentioned it....we haven't invested a high pick on a stud hog in some time. They mention the Defensive Line as a strength of the team. Look how old they are though! Where is the future? With Parker and Melwelde Moore already in the fold, unless Mendenhall is special, I hardly see how someone getting his number of touches can replace our future lines. I'd like to be proven wrong on that and have him break out, especially on kick returns. And speaking of kick returns, they rated our Special Teams a solid B. Jeff Reed must have brought that average up all by himself, because if you take the FG unit out of the equation, I thought they sucked big donkey.....ears. I swear those guys just throw darts and mix and match what they are saying. One thing I did get excited about was all the talking they did about Lamar Woodley. Kevin Greene has taken a liking to him and took him under his wing, teaching him about rushing from the outside. I can't wait to see him in action this year. The talk about Woodley also boned up a piece of history when it said The Steelers haven't had consistent pressure on the QB since the Lloyd/Greene days. Interesting. I bet Jason Gildon and Joey Porter would have something to say about that.

Hartwig To Start @ Center

Never doubted it. Now let's see who fills out the line on both sides of him. Any predictions?

Liberals Unite

A dude who was bad-ass enough to survive two tours in Iraq died at his job...prison guard...because he wasn't allowed to be armed. What? Did I read that right? Not a gun. No pepper spray. No baton. No nothing. How about this? A guard dies, and the next night 10 guards visit every cage (not cell) with towels filled with rolls of quarters and bars of soap and they beat the living piss out of everyone. Not once....a beat down. Cancel visitation, turn off the TVs, close the gym and internet connections. Lock down for a month. The damn guy was trying to make a living. I hate people.

Slanted #60

Click Image For Larger View

Eight Houses

Of course hardly anyone is pointing out that the houses belong to his super rich wife technically. I would like to know how many she owned before she married him. The Wallstreet Journal says they are owned by her, but they don't say much more than that. These guys want to argue about who is more out of touch with the American people. They better be careful as now that they have brought it up, it's fair game to be used in reverse. John Kerry "owned" 5 homes totaling $33 million dollars when he ran. Same scenario - owned by Heinz technically. There is also a story circulating that in 2004, Joe Biden suggested to Kerry that he ask McCain to be his running mate! Yup! It's true. It was on Wikipedia under the heading 2004, but has since been relocated in the article, probably by Biden's people knowing how ridiculous it will look if Biden has to now tell us that he isn't right for the job. I'm not going to lose much sleep if Obama wins the election because in some aspect - you can't deny that it may go over better in some parts of the world. That being said, when I go over the checkboxes of what I believe in and what each party typically stands for, I still align myself with the GOP. Read about the Wikipedia entry here. Read the WSJ article here. I've said it before and I'll say it again - elections for me are mostly about picking the lesser of two evils. I'm not sure if I've ever been inspired by a candidate since I started voting. In fact, I have not. I just can't stand how skewed the national media is. I recently heard Jesse Ventura on The Howard Stern Show and Howard was egging him on to run for President. He makes a lot of sense. Then, near the end of the interview, he admitted he thinks there are a lot of 9-1-1 conspiracies and ended up sounding like a crazy person. He went from thought provoking and brutally honest to a coo-coo bird in about 2 seconds. Why can't Steve Forbes be more electable? We truly need a non-politician to step up.

Nine Year Old Terrifies Ten Year Olds

This is it. This story takes the cake of what's wrong with America. If this kid played ball in China, the freaking heads of state would be at his games laughing as he mowed down batter after batter and then put him on a steroids program and steal him from his parents to use as an experiment. He's nine. He plays in an 8-10 league. Why was it OK to pitch all year and then cut him off? The attempt to have him banned out of pure jealousy is so obvious, you almost have to think maybe there is another reason. Fear? He hasn't plunked a kid yet this year! Give me a friggin break already? Is there a big kid in the league? Couldn't the coaches get together and ban him as he might line drive a pitcher and hurt them? He throws 40 mph. The article does a poor job saying what the average 10 year old pitcher throws. If it's 35, tough titties. Actually, I don't care if it's 25. If there is no bylaw saying there is a maximum speed then batter up. I get sick to my stomach even thinking about the people behind this. What happens to the first 10 year old who moves up next year and faces a 12 year old? Exactly! It's the same thing! This is lunacy at it's pinnacle. What if Phelps couldn't compete at nine because he was too good? What if Ms. Walsh at 12 hit the volleyball so hard it knocked the snot out of other kids and their mothers complained and got her banned? I'm telling you, it is 100% probable that another kid has pitched in that exact league within the last 5 years and he threw just as hard. If this kid had played for the team that wanted him, there would be no issue. These parents are cowards. They should be tied to a wall and the kid should be allowed to throw heaters at their nuts.

Michael Phelps Owns The Pool

This is hilarious.

Stop Reading - Brighten Your Day

If you know me, you know I don't read fiction. I haven't read fiction in a LONG time. I read periodicals and business books - that's about it. I got my new Sports Illustrated today and read it cover-to-cover as usual and there is a great article in it (depending on how you look at it) about how the Chinese government basically white-washed everything about the Olympics and are trying their best to make sure they are viewed in a positive light. I followed that story up by reading online (my favorite preference) about how the performers in the opening ceremonies were treated. The people in the boxes had to wear adult diapers....nuff said. One girl is paralyzed from the waist down from a fall during practice with adverse weather..... the flying / singing girl was replaced by a lipsync artist because the real singer wasn't cute enough.... bragging by the director that they could do more in a week than American performers could learn in 2 months.... it's very enlightening. I also read this week in another magazine that illegal drivers in America (no valid license) kill on average 25 people per day. Think about that for a second. I know I've made comparisons like this before, but this one is crazy. We've lost a little over 4,000 men in Iraq since Feb 2003. That's roughly 2 deaths per day. People go ape shit over that statistic. We all agree, one death is tragic and nobody is making light of any death.....but when you realize that 116 people die on American highways every day....and about 25 of them are caused by drivers without a valid driver's license....it's enough to make your head want to explode. The story goes into details about how people from other countries who probably can't read just plow through intersections and kill families. You read about people with 8-10 traffic convictions having their license taken away on a Monday and then they end up killing someone within a week. It's a tough article to read. The guys in Iraq signed up for the military. I'm talking about families dying who are in a car, wiped out by someone who shouldn't be behind the wheel - and nobody seems to be doing anything about it. We're a country of very bright resourceful people when we need to be: to make a better video game, to allow us to have 1,000,000 different ringtones on our phones, we have robots to vacuum our carpets and my car remembers where I had my seat and steering wheel when my wife is done driving it. You can buy a toaster that will darken one slice more than the other. Our dogs don't need a fence anymore. My daughter can play checkers with her grand pap who lives 250 miles away. Everyone has Crackberry thumbs. Why can't we devise a simple product or two that can do the following:

1. Attach to the steering column and kill cell phone signals within 5 feet of the steering column if the car is running.
2. Have some type of breathalyzer on dash to detect if the person is past .08 and not start the car if so. Or, have an 8 digit password to start the car which would be difficult to remember or punch in if totally loaded. Any idiot can turn a key.
3. A system to ensure people without a valid license won't drive. How about, if you get caught, you go to jail for 5 years with no questions asked. People will say, we need space for hardened criminals. Well, I submit that if an illegal alien smashes an SUV into a mother and her baby killing them....a fine and never being able to get their license is no big deal.

I hate to say it, but some countries in the Middle East do a much better job of preventing crimes and idiotic behavior with their barbaric system of deterrents. Maybe if you rape someone and get castrated, it will deter people. Maybe if you get caught breaking and entering and lose your legs, it will deter people. Maybe if you kill someone and get shot between the eyes within a week....the murder rate would go down. It sounds drastic, but when 25 people per day die for no good reason, it just doesn't make sense to me. If all the energy that political foes of the war went to address this one issue, do you think the problem could be alleviated by half? If it was alleviated from 25 to 22, they could save more lives than bringing home the boys from Iraq. Makes you think, doesn't it?

Russia Leaves Georgia

I read that the Russians are leaving Georgia and a peace agreement has been signed. That's good. You see, we go to North Carolina every-other-year on vacation and I didn't want to have to worry that the Ruskies were making their push North next summer. I figured South Carolina would fall pretty quickly and if they came up the coast, we'd be in trouble. I'm not even sure what all the trouble was about. I'm pretty sure they waited until the Olympics started so people would have something else to focus on. Well, they didn't fool me. I think it had something to do with natural resources, but I'm not 100% positive. I hear that the Russians like themselves a fuzzy peach every now and again, but who doesn't? Peanuts? Maybe. Then again, maybe they were looking for Jimmy Carter? Maybe Putin needs a new drinking buddy. In the end, I don't care why they were there, I'm just glad they're leaving. The good 'ole boys down there were able to stand up and fight them off. I bet it won't be long before Confederate flags are flying proud again in the dirty South.

What's Wrong With People Redux

Want to be in a bad mood? Read this........

Nice work, Pittgirl.

Beth Gets Posted

The version of Beth that I played drums on for Moor Cowbell has been posted to the website for the tribute material. I listened to some of the other songs and they are pretty good. They are pretty deep cuts though, so if you aren't a big KISS fan, you might not recognize them at all. I don't belong to the board who runs this, another guy set up the website to host it, but here are the comments so far that Moor Cowbell has collected from the site:

"Who ever thought Beth could be turned into a shuffle? I think almost anything can be done with a classic song as long as it's done with heart and conviction and Moor Cowbell shows the truth of that here."

"I get scared when I know I'm just about to endure a rocked-up version of Beth, but all my fears were allayed when Moor Cowbells boogie version jumped out of my speakers - I couldn't help nodding my head along with it. Well done."

"this is the most original Beth cover ive ever heard! And the heaviest one too! very cool cover and an interesting answer to the question how beth would sound as a heavy rock track"

Still A Cowbell, add more to comments as they come in.....if they are good.

Sardines = Yuck

Let me start off by saying that I like 99% of seafood. I eat all kinds of crabs, white fish, saltwater fish, fresh water fish, scallops, shrimp, sushi, sashimi, caviar, calamari....... It's really hard to find a seafood I don't like. Eel, alligator, snapper, oysters, clams, mussels..... One time at an all-you-can-eat sushi bar, I tried something that taste like a rotting corpse and it took several cans of Diet Coke and 4 packs of gum to get the taste out of my mouth. You'd think I'd remember the name of the fish, but I don't. It wasn't bad, it just smelled like fish bait.....tasted the same way. Anyway....I once walked into a fresh seafood place with Chrissy Twocoats in NC and remarked that the tuna looked outstanding....we were going to grill it. The girl behind the counter said it was sushi grade and cut a sliver for me and I devoured it and more on the way back to the beach house. You get my point....it lives in water....I'll usually eat it. However, there is a new nasty smell that I can't seem to get out of my life. I'm trying to catch a skunk (long story) and I hear that the best bait is sardines. I've never had one but I hear they are high in protein and good fats. I had Mrs. Fan pick up a tin at the grocery store. Not whole fishes, but these pieces, like in the picture. As I opened the can she almost passed out. I laughed at her and told her she was being silly, but inside....I was reminded of my one bad sushi experience. I put some of the sardines in the trap and put the rest in a zip lock bag. I washed my hands once....twice...three times....no lemons in the house...I sprayed cologne into them and rubbed them together. Nothing. This smell is the smell of a million dead fish decaying out in the sun. Nay, a million dead fish and a million dead vultures that came to eat the dead fish (but later died due to the smell of the fish). It's worse than any kitty litter experience I've ever had. It's worse than the breath of the new guy at the office whom we've dubbed the "Swirling Tornado of Rot". It's worse than a bucket full of earth worms. It's worse than a Big W dump in the morning. It's bad. It's like when my plecko died in my big tank and he was dead for a few days before I took him out....and he was about 11" long. Pew! Think of the worst thing you ever smelled, and then imagine that chewed up and vomitted back out. Right. That bad. Finally, my wife determined it was me that smelled and it was not the sardine juice that went down the drain followed by 137 gallons of water. She gave me apple cider vinegar to use which worked....until now....and now the smell is back. Who eats this stuff? I need to know. I can pop open a can of tuna and eat the entire thing with a fork in 3 minutes. Sardines? The Great God Almighty put things on this Earth that would give anyone a foodgasm......why the mack truck would anyone eat one of these things? I dare someone to name a worse smelling food in the entire grocery store. What one food will put a stink on you that will last all day when all you did was touch it for 2 minutes (if that). I Double Dog Dare Ya!

I was almost afraid to post this story for fear of what Still A Dog might post in response....but I will not be censored based on the story or wise (cracking) thoughts that will immediately follow this post. Hold onto your hats......Dog?

Edwards = Punk Liar

Fake, Fakey, Faker. You can't fool me.

I nailed you a long time ago, before the rumors even started to fly.

Now go away. We don't like you. You make us sick. Just who we want for president......his wife is fighting cancer and he's taking the wood to the beaver. Ass Hat.

Boo Bob, Boo

Did anybody hear Bob Costas say "There's Henry Kissinger negotiating his way to his seat". Sly, Mr. Costas, sly.

Olympic Cheerleaders?

As I woke up Saturday morning around 6 AM at Great Wolf Lodge in the Poconos, I reached for the remote to watch some Olympic coverage before the rest of the family woke up. What I saw was ridiculous. Cheerleaders at a volleyball match. Weird. Standing there...just watching...clapping..... It looked very out of place. Watching the opening ceremonies it seemed like there were about 1,000 cheerleaders. I thought it was just for the opening. Not so. How far will they take it? Will they show up for say, Discus? Archery? I checked out some men's Badminton but didn't see any. Those guys were sick. I could barely see the shuttlecock it was moving so fast. I tend to think of badminton as a lazy backyard endeavor, not a fast paced Olympic sport. I was glad to get home to watch some of the coverage in HD. What a difference. When the swimmers crash the wall and they go to the underwater shots it's crazy clear.

Won't You Be My Neighbor?

I will not be sleeping tonight after seeing this......

Hampton To Vikings?

Forget Brett Favre going to Minnesota, I think they traded for Casey Hampton today. I saw this pic of him wearing purple and it startled me a bit. It's a damn shame that you get paid millions of dollars to play a game and you can't work out a little in the off-season. If this is how serious he takes it, how can the rookies take it seriously? Dang slimmy, salad bar.....salad bar, baby!

Mashup Spotlight

I had some friends over for a cookout this weekend as one's family is away on vacation and one I just plain haven't seen in a while and it was time. After we knocked back our steaks from Ilg's Meats and drank our share of beer, we hit the basement bar which turned into a show-and-tell on YouTube. I saw some Deathklok on AdultSwim.com and I was showing some Chad Vader on YouTube as well as Sad Kermit doing Hurt. We turned our attention to looking for mashups and found some gems. I'll list a few here. The first is Run DMC doing Tricky over Metallica's Enter Sandman. Cool stuff. Next up is Foo FIghter's and Guns 'N Roses. Weird how stuff like this just meshes. Snoop Dogg and Led Zep comes off OK as a party song. Next one is either good, or just sounds crazy after a few beers, but it's The Chemical Brother's Galvanize mixed with none other than John William's Theme from The Empire Strikes Back. Rave music probably. Anyway, some pretty creative stuff in there.

Runners Getting Bad Rap

You know what? I can appreciate all the Public Service Announcements trying to show the masses that bad people don't have to look bad (like the ice cream men). It's something that a father of a soon to be nine year old has to stress. That being said, in two recent commercials on television - women who live alone and people who recycle paper better watch out for us road runners. Check out the nice pic I dug up from the 2006 Philadelphia Half Marathon. That's Still A Dad and myself around mile five I believe. As I run in my neighborhood through the week training for the '08 Half - I wonder if people's brains go right to that commercial when they see me coming. The one commercial is for a security system. As a husband leaves his house with the wife on the porch watching him go (yeah, like that happens. That's the first sign that the commercial is full of shit) a male runner is coming down the street. She looks worried and closes the door. He kneels down to tie his shoe and survey the landscape. She sets the alarm and herds the kids upstairs. Lady, you didn't see Michael Myers outside with a knife - you saw a guy running. Anyway....dude figures his chances are good and he shoulders through the door only to be frightened off by the alarm. Sigh. In the second spot, another runner is coming down the road when a person is taking out their recycle bin. He slows down, again pauses to tie his shoe (a good indication he is a fake runner) and then quickly goes through the bin finding exactly what he was looking for. That runner going down the street holding onto a bank statement won't look out of place at all. A guy running in a hoodie? I don't even like to put a key in my mini pocket. How could one run with a folded up document? Why couldn't it be someone posing as a cable guy or a meter reader? Make people suspicious of individuals who are actually trying to better themselves. The next time I'm running the hood instead of the park and a woman spends more than two seconds eyeballing me cautiously, I'm going to quicken my pace and run straight at her with my arms flailing above my head while screaming "Blalalalalalalalalalala". Well, ok, that's a bit extreme.....maybe I'll just stare back, slow down......and bend over to tie my shoe.....

Rooney Ownership Fiasco

Maybe I have this all wrong and I don't clearly understand the situation. Maybe someone out there has read more or understands the nuances better than I do surrounding the specifics. There hasn't been much made public about the pending ownership sales since last week so I may be going on old news, but it's news I find troubling. Here is what doesn't add up for me: Dan Rooney owns 16% of the team. The league would like the controlling party to own 30%. To stop someone else from running the team, Dan needs to own 51% or have 51% in his corner. Dan's first cousins, The McGinley family, owns 20% and they are not interested in selling. Fine. We're starting out with 36% in our corner to keep control of the team with Dan's 16% and his cousin's 20%. To keep the billionaire fantasy football players out of the mix, Dan needs another 15% of the shares voting in his favor. There are 4 brothers. The team is valued between $800 million and $1.2 billion, so let's call it an even billion. That means each Rooney brother's 16% is worth $160 million. Each 1% represents 10 million dollars. It is rumored that Dan offered each brother $35 million dollars for 5% of the team. That would give Dan another 20% meaning he would own 36% and The McGinleys 20% would vote for him to run the business giving him 56% voting shares. In our example of worth, 5% of the team is worth $50 million, maybe slightly more, but maybe slightly less. They all said "no". I also read that Art (The Chief) wrote each son a letter in the days leading up to his death asking them to keep control of The Steelers as a family. So, with their father's last request to keep the team under The Rooney name, they are turning down $35 million for 5% of the team under the guise that they are worried about their children and grandchildren? Ummmm, I'm not buying that for one second. This goes deeper than that. They could sell to Dan for $35 million and make the entire city breath easier - or they can put them up for public sale. Here's where it gets interesting. A lot of people are asking that we give the brothers a break, that they are trying to do what's right for them. If you ask me, it's BS considering their father's legacy and the city's infatuation with the team. The only reason they each won't sell Dan 5% is that it renders their other 11% worthless to someone who wants to control the team. Yes, it's still 11% of potentially $1.2 billion dollars of worth, but a Daniel Snyder type isn't going to spend silly money to only control 44% of the team. The way I see it, they are dangling complete control of the Steelers out to the highest bidder. If they sell 64% of the team or even 51% to any one person....and then try to rationalize it by saying The Chief would understand as they were just looking out for their own....even after reading the letters....it will do more to make me care less about sports than any other single event in my 39 years of existence. To me, that action would be screaming "payback" for things we'll never fully understand. To go against a legend's last wishes? An entire city? An entire Nation? If these people had nothing else, I still wouldn't understand but it would be easier to take.....but they are all L-O-A-D-E-D already from all of their other endeavors. Am I seeing this wrong? Do I have the facts right? The Chief goofed up by believing it would never come to this. He could have given Dan 51% of the team, but he thought he didn't have to. I would not want to be the first Rooney brother not named Dan to croak. I would not want to face an angry Chief.

Captain Obvious Working For SI.com

Some dude needed an idea for an article and wrote a "Christmas in July" piece of what every team needs. Wow. Ours was hard:

For Pittsburgh ... A cohesive group of talented and well-schooled offensive linemen who can pass block. Ben Roethlisberger is the hardest quarterback in the NFL to get on the ground. With a little protection, he can make this passing game very good.

Ernie & Bert Original Gangsters

I swear, if I didn't have a job, I'd sit around and make Sesame Street mashups all day long. They make me laugh, but then again, what doesn't.

Moor Slanted Cowbell

Moor Cowbell signed up for an online project to recreate an original KISS song in a completely different "take". He had Beth in mind and didn't want to use a drum machine so he enlisted me to bang out the drum part. It only took me 6 weeks to find time to do it, but once I got it done, he finished it up in a matter of days. It will be posted on a website that I will link to once it's up, but for now, here it is if you want to take a listen. It's the third song we've completed by piecing together parts recorded individually. Pretty cool. Dr. Dre would be impressed with Moor's mad mixing skillz.

Vacation

No, I'm not on vacation. I just can't find time to keep up this week. Lots of swim meets and end of year type stuff with the team. Will return shortly!

The Rooney Way

Here is the best article I've read so far on the Rooney saga. I am still staying quiet while reading other opinions. It goes without saying, a little piece of all of us will die if Dan and his son are forced to lose ownership. I get sick just thinking about it. A lot of people I know from the area who are older than me rank Roberto Clemente dying as the saddest sports day they can remember. Mine would be a person not named Rooney having controlling interest of the team. Even if Dan is left in charge or his son - for how long? There is a way to run this team and that way is special and it makes all of us Steelers fans proud to be a fan. We laugh when other franchises are in trouble...knowing we have a steady captain at the helm. I have to stop.....I swear I'm going to throw up.

Are People Really That Stupid?

Every once-in-a-while, I'm trapped in a room and the only reading material is a girly type magazine. I'm not going to mention the magazine, but it rhymes with "Wetter Gnomes a Farten". There is an article this month on living beyond your means. If you read this blog at all, you know that's my pet peeve subject and everyone struggles with it a little. If you search over the blog for "personal finance" or click the tag at the bottom of the piece - you'll see some of my rants on the subject. It's partially the subject matter of my other website www.wealthblocks.com. I welcome any article on the subject that shows insight or gives realistic tips. The article in said magazine is a turd. A big turd. A big smelly turd with.....well, you get my point. It goes on to talk about Jack & Diane (I can't remember their names and iTunes is on shuffle and I just heard the song). They were living fairly well on their 80k combined salary and Jack managed the finances. They had an SUV, went to the movies and ate out. By the time the shit hit and the fan and they were late on all their bills and the wife figured out was was wrong, they were spending $4,000 more a month than they made. Let that sink in a while. Not $400. $4,000. I might be able to understand if you don't track your finances that you spend a few pesos over what you make every once-in-a-while. $4 grand? Are retarded people even allowed to get married? I'm not insulting the mentally challenged, I'm insulting these two boneheads. He borrowed money against the house when things got tight...not to pay off his debt, but to continue living the way they were. When she saw late notices laying around, he told her they had plenty of money coming in. Let that sink in. She took over the bills and made a plan to get out of debt and get their credit rating back up after it dropped 150 points. What? I worked my ass off to be near perfect in credit history. They spend $k a month more than they make and they only dropped 150 points? Isn't 810 or something perfect? If they started at 650 they only dropped to 500? I would think they would be...oh I don't know.....minus 37?
It infuriates me that people like this can claim bankruptcy. I think if you claim it, you should be in the daily paper. Look at me! I'm a dumbass! Now, what really got my goat was the poor tips section that the author added to the story in a neat little box. I think her IQ is in question as well. "Sell your SUV and buy a small car". I bet she wears sandals and eats granola. It didn't say they drive an Escalade. What if they drive a Kia SUV or a Hyundai? SHould they sell that and buy a small Volvo? She associates SUV with expensive. She is also wrong if she assumes all SUVs are gas hogs. There are plenty of 4 bangers out there in SUVs. Dolt. In another moment of lucidity, she added this bullet to the box "Write down all your sources of income in a given month and try not to spend more than that". Really? F me lady, we just found our Nobel Prize Winning writer this year. How does this stuff get past the editor? It's written on a 3rd grade level. The dumbing down of America. It's sad, man, just sad. I'm going to go flip iTunes to the Blues.

"I Said Apple Dippers, Bitch!"

Is my daughter the only child on Earth who eats Apple Dippers at McDonald's? No. I know for a fact many of her friends do. Is this idea just too foreign to the youngsters working at McDonald's? My daughter has never been a french fry person (her parents sure are!). It doesn't matter where we go out to eat - we always see what they have instead of fries for her to get. When McDonald's switched to Apple Dippers about 3-4 years ago, we were very happy. Many a night, we forgo cooking when pressed for time and stop by our local golden arches. When they first started offering the apples, we ordered them all the time.....only to get home and find fries in the bag. Sure, blame me for not looking in the bags before leaving, but should I have to? Joe Pesci's character in Lethal Weapon II hit it on the head. After it happened about the 5th time, I picked up the phone and called them and I remember being pretty sarcastic when I asked them how they filled orders without looking at the slips. They offered me coupons, but I didn't want to give my name and address for fear of waking up one morning to a yard full of apple dippers. We slowly noticed it wasn't just our store, it was all stores. Any time you go through a drive thru, you have to look. Tonight was our first free Thursday since swim league started and it was close to 100 degrees here today. We agreed to meet at the pool after work and camp invention. I volunteered to pick up dinner on the way home. As I pulled away from the drive thru, 20 feet past the window, I remembered that I didn't check for fries. I opened the bag.....freaking fries.....when I clearly ordered the apples. I took a deep breath and tried to keep Michael Douglas' character from Falling Down squashed deep down inside of me. I could feel the hot grease of cooking fries boiling inside of me. Was there a car behind me? No. I threw it in reverse and backed up. I sat for a few seconds in silence watching the young girls inside talking and laughing through the porthole. Then an impulse took over and I blared the horn for a good solid 5 seconds. When the girl opened the window I was half afraid of what I might say. Another impulse was telling me to hurl the fries at her Buffy head while screaming "I Said Apple Dippers, Bitch!" (and by bitch I wasn't using a female slur, I was using it more in the...oh whatever...take it how you want you). I then realized I had already been in trouble with the law for hurling food objects at a female in my past and I didn't need to be in the local paper under "Angry Fry Foe Drapes Drive Through Diva in Fresh Fries". NAh. I gathered up my most pleasant voice and said "Excuse me, I ordered the apple dippers?" like it was my fault. Without saying a word to me, she handed me the apples. "And the caramel....for dipping?". Now I sensed she was about to throw the caramel at me. How dare I? She gave me the quarter ounce of gooey goodness and put her hand out "I'll take the fries for you". Time stood still. I checked the rearview mirror. Empty. I looked around slowly...nobody watching. I put my hand in the bag as if to grab them for her (yeah, as if). I came out with one piping hot salty golden yellow fry. As I folded it into my mouth, I smiled a little and pulled out as my window crawled to it's resting place. Here's 18 french fries that won't be getting thrown away tonight, Princess. Ha ha ha. HA ha ha. BWA HA Ha ha ha.

Is The Other Dude Animal's Cousin?

Zoot was definitely underutilized on The Muppet Show. My daughter and I laughed out loud at this 3 times tonight. Each time we were giddy knowing something better was coming and the left hook provided the laugh every time. The Muppets complete seasons I, II and III are out on DVD. I know what Santa is bringing for the stocking this year. I love me some Muppets.

RIP Chew '25-'08

Is it just me or do the RIP's keep getting closer and closer? Will be within spitting distance of the 'Burgh tomorrow. Let's pray there are no State Troopers out looking for speeders at 4:30 AM.

Two Days Of Worry

I am waiting for more news on this story to develop before I go completely off. Newer articles are saying now that he might just help Dan buy out his brothers. I can't believe a bunch of brothers, 70 year old brothers, can't accept $35 million each for their share in the Steelers. What the heck do they want? At this point in their lives, is $50 million different than $35? I'm starting to rant so I better wait until more details come out. I've always said...ALWAYS......that if the Rooney family gave up ownership and someone came in who didn't do things The Steeler Way, it could be the end of my love affair with the team. Part of the reason I love them so much is the fact that they ooze class. The first time a fantasy football owner in the mold of Dan Snyder comes here and starts to overpay aging stars from other teams to come here as free agents.....I'm done. I'll start following High School football. I swear.

Pac-Man Wants Name Change

Pacman Jones is trying to change his image. To start with, he's no longer going to answer to Pacman. He's going back to his given name "Adam". No word yet if Inky, Blinky, Pinky and Clyde will follow suit and change their names to Strippy, Shooty, Rainy and Vibe. You want to change your image? STOP BREAKING THE LAW. Moron.

Eye Of Newt

Finger Food Anyone?

Still A Dad frequently hands out good advice. It matters not if I'm 5 or 35. Can I be 35 again? I feel 35. "Don't put that in your mouth, you don't know where it's been!" That served me well both at 3 and at 20. "Only use your credit card when you have to." Smart. "Do you want that, or do you need it?" Wise. When he discovered I had a Coors Lite receipt in my pants at 19, the advice wasn't to not do that....it was to not let my mother know I did that.....and don't come home from driving with it on my breath or I was done. Smarter still! I didn't even have to ask what "Done" entailed. I got the picture. He didn't tell me to not have sex, he told me to not get anyone pregnant. When we talked about me moving away from the poorest county in the state, he didn't ask me to stay, he told me to "go for it". Those are all good life lessons, and not applicable one bit here! Sometimes it's the throw away nuggets that you need to not throw away. In a former life Still A Dad worked at Pittsburgh Sheet Metal. When he found out I was building a wall in my basement with metal studs, the first thing he said was "wear gloves, that shit will tear your hands up". Aha. Wear gloves I did. When I worked with that stuff again to add a fresh air vent to my furnace, I heard the words of Still A Dad in the back of my head...."wear gloves, that shit will tear your hands up". Aha. Wear gloves I did, again. This weekend, as I continue to completely redo our kitchen (much to the chagrin of one Still A Cowbell who is patiently waiting for me to lay down a simple drum track and vocals to a KISS cover song he reworked for a tribute website) it was time to do the back splash. The floor is done. The chandelier is done. The hall light is done. The powder room fixtures are done. The door hardware was all changed to match. Half of the cabinets have been stained and had their hardware changed. The thresholds are done. The doors and trim have been painted. I was waiting for some cabinets to dry and I was out of places to lay them flat for staining so I thought I'd do the back splash. It's a really cool product - prefab sheets of 18x24 that mimic hammered tin. While it even feels like tin once applied, it's really a light plastic. A razor sharp light plastic. I needed to score the sheets to my size. As I bent over to line up the T-Square with the knife in my right hand.....the words of Still A Dad became foggy (pair rub? scared doves?). As the sun came in the basement window and hit the blade, it hit me....Wear Gloves! Just like when Ben talked to Luke in the Death Star trenches! Well, Luke didn't have to get up and walk out to the garage to get anything.....in my defense. The sharp new blade scored and cut 6 sheets to perfection, even doing outlet holes and sharing duty with tin snippers for microwave cutouts. On the last sheet (the seventh sign?) I scored it once, twice....five...six...the dull blade hit a ridge and bounced onto the square and continued down my fingernail and past my second knuckle. As soon as I felt pain, I expected to see a fingertip laying on the floor. What I saw was blood. Hmmmm. At least it was a nice bright red. I hear that's good. Nobody was home and my first thought was "what if I pass out". After I woke up...nah, I'm just shitting you.....I walked to the bar and ran cold water on it for what seemed like an eternity before it started to let up. Then I realized I was a Cub Scout at one point and I should probably apply some pressure to it. I pinched it shut with my right hand for about 10 minutes and then finally got it bandaged. I broke it back open later, but it just oozed the second time. I could have probably had stitches, but my girly hands need some character. When my wife came home and I showed her, she was very compassionate......"Didn't you have gloves on?"

Making Love To Your Coffee

Every office has one, the person who doesn't drink their coffee, they make love to it. What do I mean? I have no idea. No, they don't take out their penis and dangle it in their mug, nor do they use a turkey baster filled with the caffeinated beverage. I can't describe it, damnit, but I know what I mean. Let's say that first, they tend to hold the mug with two hands, as shown here. There is nothing fast about it for they are not simply banging the coffee....it is more slow, sweet love. It takes them what seems like forever to raise it to their mouths. Their eyes slowly cross as they see the nutty brown liquid....almost passing out from pleasure as the aroma overtakes them. They drink - not like a person who is thirsty, but more like a wine connoisseur trying to map the grape to the country, no - the region. As they lower the mug (again slowly) from their satisfied lips they stare at you, not blinking but more like a young doe in headlights, and act like they are listening to your conversation but they are not. They are thinking "Oh great Java God I give myself to thee....please alloweth this idiot to shut hiseth pie hole soeth I may drink deep from my chalice of Juan Valdez again". This person is not a "type A" personality. Without the coffee they might not even show signs of life. They speak slowly. They act slowly. They think before speaking. They drive slowly. While yes, I have a coffee love maker in my morning midst, this morning I was trapped behind one. Even worse. The right lane was moving at a steady 50 mph. The left lane was blistering along at 52. I down shifted the Max and lurched forward in a playful manner two or three times behind the offender - who didn't have a single car in front of her. To make matters worse, she was driving a Bug....a cute....little....bright freaking yellow.....Bug. A Bug is an appetizer to a Maxima and mine was hungry. I straddled the center line for a few seconds trying get her attention. No dice. What? Now she's actually slowing down. Sigh. The right lane was now looking better so I popped over to pass. As I got up beside the car I looked over in disbelief. It was a woman in her 40's, with a stupid flower in her stupid dashboard bud vase, a bluetooth earpiece on, chatting about work no doubt as you could tell by the seriousness on her face....and the worst part.....as I stared over waiting for her to look so I could give her my "GAWD YOU'RE STOOOOOPID" look....she stopped talking and ever so slowly started to raise a coffee mug to her mouth as she stared into the mug. The M-U-G. She didn't have a travel mug or a thermos type thingy...it was a mug...with steam. Hmmmm. Think maybe that's why she's going 52 on a major highway? Did you ever have that impulse to quickly jerk your car and trade paint with your braindead highway brethren? I almost did it and I wouldn't have even looked back to enjoy watching the matchbox flip end over end until the woman was covered in coffee.....and stupid flower petals.

Chewing Gum In Class

Remember when chewing gum or talking in class could score you detention? I once got movie detention for tripping a girl I liked in the hall between classes. That was fourth grade. I heard the movie sucked so I didn't really miss anything. Anyway - this story is hard to believe, even though it's in England. What an idiot this teacher is! I get the idea of how Muslims pray. I don't have to try it to understand it. I understand that a satanic cult in Mexico goes after spring break kids getting in cabs at night and then kidnaps them and sacrifices them after a night of torture. When they finally caught them, they found (I think) 11 bodies on their property. Does this teacher want his students to go out and try that as well......for the sake of diversity and understanding different religions? What an idiot.

Beard Makes US Swim Team

Congratulations! My second favorite female swimmer just made the Olympic team for the fourth time. I think she was 14 when she first made the team and 15 at the actual Olympics. I had trouble finding a picture in her US Swimsuit so I thought this one would do. Nothing you wouldn't see at the beach, so no complaining. Since she did Playboy a few years ago - I could have used one of those, but this is a family blog......well.......

I'll Play Accordian!!!

Usually when my friends and I get together to jam, nobody is screaming "I'll grab my accordian!". That being said, this rendition of Hendrix isn't bad at all. Just have something to dull your senses before watching.

Steelers Do The RIght Thing

Wow. Just....wow. The Steelers rock. Check this story out over at The Burgh Blog.